


Hazel Eyes & Cake Pops

by joeymoey



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, certain themes and things that happen..., hella swearing, it's in its final form, it's still a slow burn, plus i'm tired..., she's gay she's gay she's gay, this is a gays only event go home, yeah it's mature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-04-01 11:44:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 60
Words: 185,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13997598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joeymoey/pseuds/joeymoey
Summary: Max has been in college for four quarters now and lives with Chloe in a small apartment. In the front of one class, sits a pretty girl she can't muster up the courage to talk to. After one awkward encounter, Max now wants to finally talk to her. With the help of Chloe and Rachel, they help her on her insecurities. Meanwhile, Chloe and Rachel have problems of their own. Slow Burn.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Welcome. This is Hazel Eyes & Cake Pops 2.0. Well, I'm uploading it as a new story because I felt like it. I'm becoming lazy from not uploading so I'm alive again. There's no consistent schedule, except I'll be fixing up five chapters and then uploading them on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. And yeah, Mature. Because I've realized themes in here be dark as hell.  
> So, some things: Max's thoughts are in italics and may come off... annoying.  
> And let me know if there are mistakes, I'll fix 'em.  
> Anyway, here you go.

"Just five more minutes, please."

"Maybe you should, I dunno, fucking stop." Chloe pulled my hood off my head. My hair had to be an out of place mess right about now. I groaned, mumbling "five more minutes" as I lifted my head again.

Her face was annoyed yet had a smile, amused at me, because I woke up on my desk for the millionth time. I inspected where I was: surrounded by coffee cups, paper assignments, and way too many polaroid films. Like every morning, I had no clue how or when I fell asleep, but judging by her face, it probably wasn't a pretty sight.

"You look like shit," she patted me on the back, "worse than usual."

"Gee," I rubbed my eyes, "Thanks."

Waking up again was one of the hardest things to do. Sometimes, I rub my eyes for so long, I start to see colors and trip out. From what I could tell from my desk (and past experiences), I was working on assignments for classes and passed out in the middle of it. My desk described how I felt on the inside—a fucking mess. It wasn't a negative thing if it was honest and Chloe told me all the time.

The plethora of coffee cups was thanks to her getting a job as a barista at Starbucks. I could get all the drinks I wanted and drown in it, which would be any college student's dream. I thought about how I might have a problem with it, only to ignore it and ask for another one.

"Max-tress, how in the fuck are you stressing out this much?"

I wish I knew. It was only my fourth quarter and I felt like three semi-trucks hit me simultaneously while I was on fire. The three trucks stood for my assignments and the fire represented my ongoing pile of debt. I was lying to myself; I had the unhealthy habit of waiting a day before class to do my work.

"By the way, it's seven-fifty." Chloe said last.

I shot up from my seat. "What?! I'm gonna be late! Why couldn't you tell me earlier?!"

"You looked cute while you were asleep, didn't wanna wake you up."

I groaned and gave her a weak punch on the shoulder. Her shameless flirting didn't affect me anymore, especially not when I had something else to worry about. I grabbed my bag and headed to the front door, not even caring about how I was still wearing white pajama pants and my college's sweatshirt in springtime weather.

Chloe was in her uniform of all-black and a green apron, twirling her keys on her finger with a sly smirk on her lips, swaggering over.

"Damn, four weeks left and you looked like you hit rock bottom ten times. That has to be a new record."

"At least I accomplished something this quarter."

"What's that?"

"Hitting rock bottom only ten times. Last quarter was twenty."

"That's hella sad, Max."

Yup, that was me. Max Caulfield, Academy of Art student, photography major, design minor, and on my seventh week of my fourth quarter. And she was Chloe Price, childhood friend, asshole, and all-around punk who knew how to make a mean espresso. We both moved together to San Francisco, not only to start a new chapter in our lives, but to get the fuck out of Arcadia Bay. It wasn't a _bad_ place, per say, but there wasn't much over there, nothing there for us.

Luckily for us, her work was five minutes away from my school and I could just walk in like most students. On the downside, our apartment was thirty minutes away.

* * *

Most of our drive was me with my arms crossed, looking out the window, and being mad. I wasn’t sure what my anger was directly towards, but it was more her not waking me up. For the first time, I had to walk into class with my pajamas on and whatever excuse I had to offer.

 _I overslept? I was working so hard I lost track of time? My friend's an ass and she's the real reason I'm late?_  Possibilities were endless.

"Still, you shouldn't be stressed out. You only have two classes."

"I'm doing fine, Chloe." I replied. In that moment, my mind flooded with all the reasons why I was not fine.

However, this class I could not miss. It was Design Fundamentals to finally start my minor. It had been full for the other three quarters and I couldn't repeat it, or any classes for that matter.

* * *

We arrived at my school. To make things worse, my school was a large gray building in a busy city area. It was always filled with cars, moving or parked, right next to the slowest stoplights I've ever seen. It was a five-story and, even worse, my class was at the very top. I hopped out of Chloe's car, not wasting any more time.

"Have fun in your nerd class." Chloe said with a smirk.

"Have fun dealing with customers." I retorted. She lost her smirk after that; I won that.

* * *

At least the elevator was available. I was overheating in my clothes, even when I pushed my sleeves up. I've been in more embarrassing scenarios—most of them for being nosy—though I would prefer to not remember them. When the elevator sounded and the doors slid to the sides, what I saw was the hall of doom. The path moved in a square, classes on both sides, and on the other side of the building was the other elevator. One of the reasons I hated being late was the feeling that overcame me when I had to walk in. It made my heart pound, my chest hurt, and vision blurry.

_Maybe I shouldn't go into class today? I don't wanna be stared at. I should give up now. I could turn around and pretend I was never here! I still had time!_

My room was 910 at the end of the hall. I would've left already, pressing the elevator button with urgency or running down the stairs—whichever came first. Before I was halfway, I did, spinning around and rushing to the elevator, jamming my thumb into the button over and over. I rushed into it as soon as it opened, pushing a different button just to close the doors again.

I hyperventilated through my mouth, clutching my chest.

_Shit… I'm better off missing it. I could always catch up next class. This is my second absence. Stupid "miss three, class gets dropped" rule… I'll be fine._

* * *

My body relaxed as I walked into Starbucks, meeting Chloe's eyes behind the counter. Stunned silence came over us as she registered it was me at the door, now purposely late to class. I took two steps forward, clutching my bag, ready to explain to her why I was there.

"Nope." Instead of walking through the door on the side, she jumped over the counter. "You're going to class."

"Chloe—”

"Nope." She grabbed my shoulders and turned me around. "You're going back."

She pushed me towards the door; My feet squeaked against the floor. "Wait-wait-wait-wait- _wait_!" I hated that we were attracting attention. My heart throbbed, spinning out of her grip, "I can't, Chloe."

She looked from side to side, groaning and pulling me to the breakroom. She grasped my shoulders as soon as the door closed. "Okay, _you_  stay here. When I think break happens, I'm taking you there."

She left out, slamming her hand into the door. I sat down in one of the breakroom chairs, staring around at the corkboard covered in papers on one wall, and a refrigerator with "Emptied Every Friday" taped to the front.

That was the only bad thing about me missing class. Old Chloe would've been fine with me skipping. In fact, she would've been "hella proud," she would say. Chloe had a lot of growing up to do ever since we left and wanted me to do some growing too. I groaned and rested my head in my arms. Having this issue, this _illness_ , was hard.

* * *

Before I knew it, Chloe was holding my hand, taking me back to school. Class was on break, Chloe went on break, and I was having mixed feelings. I got what I wanted, but there was always a hint of regret. Telling myself,  _you're so dumb. You could've went to class and you would've been fine. What were you so worried about?_

Taking the elevator, she made sure our hands were still together. I wasn't sure if it was to make sure I didn't run or she knew that it helped me. I saw room 910 again and I took a deep breath.

"Just two hours, 'kay?" She let me go, folding her arms over her chest. I nodded.

I grabbed my ID and put it against the scanner, unlocking loudly. She left as I grabbed the handle, waving goodbye. I entered, only two people were inside: one girl and the teacher. Both turned their attention to me.

"Morning, Miss Caulfield, do you have an excuse?"

They asked that whenever any student was late. I felt myself lock up and letting my heartbeat take over. I took a few steady deep breaths, clutching my bag's strap. "Overslept."

They looked at me up and down, saying, "I believe it. Take a seat. We haven't done much. You're lucky it's a work day."

The weight on my entire body lifted off. I went to a seat in the back of the room with no backpack or papers on the desk, covered by the three other rows.  _Thank dog my usual seat was still available._

The class was fun, really, but… that girl sitting in the front. Whenever I did come to class early, she was always there, alone, and drawing in her sketchbook. Other than this class, I always saw her with a group of friends by the filming classes or in the cafeteria room. The same thought went through my mind, _she's so pretty._  On the first day, she smiled at me, and since then I couldn't bring myself to speak to her. I just called her "bun girl," because her blonde hair was always up.

I kept my cool and just told myself every single class that I was gonna talk to her eventually.  _Maybe I'll even have another class with her. Then again, what are the chances I will?_   _She could have a different major._   _Maybe she's a film major. That could be why she's by the film classes all the time._

* * *

Two hours of working on doodles instead of working on the real assignment was something I loved to do. Not even in my sketchbook, but in my composition notebook. It was ripped, missing pages, covered in different pen colors, stickers, and all margins were filled with doodles of badly drawn memes and sometimes people around me. Class was always loud and everyone was so… social.  _Was I jealous? No, being alone was okay. I'm fine… I'm fine._

"Okay, class! That's it for today! That makes this the end of week seven for us!"

Like everyone else, I packed my things and left behind them. Except for the girl, she was always the last one. I took the elevator once everyone on the floor had gone. Instead of going back to Starbucks, as Chloe would hate to see me again, I went to the library, the largest room in the whole building. Chloe told me before to "go read or some shit."

The library was very open and had lots of circular tables that could fit up to six people. There were also rectangular tables for classes that may have to do lecture there. Next to the tables were the rows upon rows of bookshelves of any topics and subjects known to man. The left wall was also lined with more bookshelves. I always went to the row with all the books about how animation movies are made aka, the closest row to the door.

As I walked up and down the aisle, I heard the entrance open and close. I didn't think much of it until I looked over and saw it was the girl. She just so happened to sit at a table that looked right into the aisle I was in. I grabbed a random book,  _The History of Wall-E_ , and opened it to a random page. I held the book close to my face, but I peeked over it and looked at her from time-to-time.

 _It was an opportunity. I could just go talk to her! But I wasn't ready to try._  My heart was ready to explode. _I've peeked over five times already._

 _Maybe one more time wouldn't hurt._  I was slower this time and looked over. It took a whole five seconds to notice that she was looking back at me.

 _Shit!_ I shoved the book closer to my face to hide my shame.  _Was she smiling at me?! Why did I do this?!_

Out of pure panic, I left the book on the shelf and rushed out of there.

I hyperventilated.  _What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck—_ it repeated like a broken record. I hurriedly left the building went down a couple blocks. I tried to walk into Starbucks as normal looking as I could, but Chloe, being a cashier, saw right through it.

"What the fuck did you do, run?" She raised her eyebrow. I couldn't tell her the truth, so I said yes.

"Damn," she sounded shocked, "You're lucky I'm going on break. I'll take you home."

I nodded "yes" again. I could still see the girl smiling back at me in my mind.

* * *

Our drives were always filled with music. We always spoke to each other over loud rock; Usually, it was something about what happened while she was at work. This time, it was about one old woman who got mad about her drink taking forever. Chloe told me she held her tongue this time today and wanted me to be proud of her.

"I am proud of you, okay? I have been since you got a job." I rested my elbow on the console.

"I need money for a truck. I hate these kinds of cars." Chloe huffed. "If I have this car by next year, I am gonna lose my shit."

I didn't mind the old Honda. It didn't have a shine, instead, it was still the gray matte finish, with a bunch of dents and scratches. I didn't hate it, but Chloe loved the feel of a truck. She said it made her feel powerful.  _Makes sense, nothing screamed Chloe more than a pickup truck._

We arrived at our apartment. To be honest, our apartment wasn't that bad. It was on a narrow and steep street, but it was in a relatively nice area with plenty of nice little shops and neighbors around us. It was hard to miss it when the building was tall, blue, and was the only thing with gate around it. Thanks to Chloe's family and my own, they gave us enough to pay rent for two years.  _We should thank them soon._

"Hey, Chloe, when you're done with work, can I talk to you about something?"  _I guess I could ask for a little help. Maybe she won't laugh?_

"Yeah.” She nodded. "Now get out of my car."

I listened to her and got out, heading in quickly. I got into the elevator and hit number five. I couldn't stop thinking about her.  _She was smiling at me!_ She must have found me acting like that cute, but I was dying on the inside. _Chloe's gonna laugh at me for acting like this._  She always talked about how gay I was and this just enforced it.

As I got out of the elevator, my phone vibrated. I thought it was Chloe again, but it was a text from an unknown number. It was full of "miss you" and all that junk. It just might be my ex-boyfriend or ex-friend, so I just erased it.

Apartment 180 was our home sweet home. On the inside, our walls were covered in posters and different drawings I've done and many different bands Chloe enjoyed, a tattered couch and a small TV in the living room, a nearly empty kitchen, a small bathroom we had to share, and one room we both slept in. The both of us had slept on the couch at one point or another.

I threw my bag onto the couch and I went into the bedroom. I jumped into bed, hearing the springs under me. I placed my earphones in and, for hours, I stayed on my phone. I never have any memory of what I do on there or what songs I end up listening to. For the rest of my time, I stayed lying on my back and scrolling through the apps I had.

* * *

"Max and Ruby!" I heard, along with two pans clanging together. My eyes shot open, my body shook, and I was really disoriented.  _I must have dozed off._  I sat up and my phone lands on my lap and my hair felt out of place.

"You're awake." It was Chloe. She dropped the pots on the floor, crashing against the wooden floorboards. Everything was so blurry; I had to blink so many times before I said anything back to her.

"Welcome back." I greeted her. "How was work?"

"Same shit." She shrugged her shoulders. "You fell asleep with your phone on your forehead."

"Oh, thanks." I took my earphones out.

"So, you wanted to talk?"

"R-right," I gulped dryly, "I did ask that, didn't I?"

"Don't back out on me now, Max."

"I'm not!" I stood up and left into the living room. All the lights were on, the only noises I could hear were from the other apartments around us, like TVs or footsteps walking around.  _It's not too important._  "You're gonna laugh at me."

"Depends how embarrassing it is." She pressed her lips to stop a smile. "You can trust me! Hell, I told you everything."

"You really didn't have to tell me every single time you rubbed one out to your favorite characters."

"I told you because we're best friends! Come on, Maxie."

"Fine," I cleared my throat, "I need help talking to someone."

"What's funny about that?"

"It's a girl in my class today. She sits in the front and I haven't been able to go up and talk to her. She makes me all... mixed up. I was out of breath earlier because I saw her in the library and she saw me back and she smiled—"

She snickered, clenching her jaw as her lips forced her grin down. "It's not that big of a deal."

"Need I remind you about how Rachel told me you were a nervous wreck when you two first met?"

"I hate her for telling about it. I hate myself for saying I hate her."

Rachel and Chloe had been together for a _way_  long time. If I counted, it would add up all the way to nearly five years together. I've known her for two, but we grew into best friends fast. It didn't take long for me to notice that lots of people were head over heels for her and everyone didn't understand how I was friends with her. I had to thank Chloe for that, but I still questioned it too. Rachel was Rachel Amber, the number one model and celebrity of our time, travelling around the world being the model she wanted to be. She should be calling Chloe around this time.

Chloe's giggle fit went away and nodded. "All I could really say is to just go up and talk to her? Hell, she might be scared to talk to you too! I know you're hella shy and anxious, but I know you can do it! Just go up to her and be like, "I'm gay for you.'"

I worked up a chuckle, "I can't do that, Chloe."  _Seriously, I'd die._

"What I'm saying is, you gotta start getting out of your comfort zone. I want you to be happy with a girl and  _not_  living off three cups of coffee a day!"

"… Did you bring some?"

Chloe let out a defeated sigh. "Yeah, I bought two. They're in the kitchen."

* * *

I didn't have class tomorrow; I spent my time watching TV and chugging down the two cups she brought. I enjoyed it more when it was more cream and sugar than actual coffee.

_Maybe Chloe's right. I need to start acting like… a person? Like a normal human who can talk to people?_

As I put my hair up in a small ponytail, I watched her go into the bathroom and take a box for a hair clipper out from under the sink. "What are you doing?" I asked her. Now that I notice, her hair was growing out and her strawberry blonde roots were showing.

"Fuck it, I'm bored." she opened the box, dumping everything onto the sink counter, "I'm shaving half my head."

She had made some big changes when we moved. First was making her hair a brighter blue and even threw in some purple close to the roots. Next, in less than a year, her right arm was completely covered in a whole sleeve. It was a mix of flowers, skulls, and notable ones like a ship wheel on her elbow and an anchor on the back of her hand.

I couldn't help but stare sometimes.

"Do you need help?" I stood at the door.

"No, I'm good." Chloe put her beanie down and started parting her hair. "Do you want one?"

I thought about it.  _I could make it my first step out of my comfort zone._

"I could get an undercut. If I don't like it, I can hide it under my hair, right?"

"That's the fucking spirit, Max Factor!" She moved most of her hair to the right side.

I watched as she started the clipper and shave off her blue hair, fearlessly and happily.

"Would Rachel like this?" I leaned against the door frame.

"Why wouldn't she like it?"

I suddenly heard her phone ring; it was usually on vibrate. It was a loud Firewalk song; I think Chloe told me it was the same one that was playing when she and Rachel first met.

"Speak of the devil," I grabbed her phone from the bed and answered it. "Hey Rachel."

"Oh, Max! Hey, what's up?" She replied. She was always so energetic, it was contagious. There was something about her voice that made most, if not, everyone feel good.

"I'm doing fine. Chloe is shaving a part of her head right now." I leaned on the door frame again.

"Oh nice! Will you send me a picture later?"

"Of course! How was your day?"

"It was good. I'm really tired right now, but modelling never sleeps or waits for anything."

"Where are you right now? Are you still on the other side of the world?" From what I remember, she was in Japan for a show.

"I'm actually in New York! I'm only three hours ahead. I'm getting ready to go out again." She laughed after the last sentence.

"Chloe is almost done." I looked at her, who was still fixing it and seeing if any part of her now-shaven side is uneven. It was hella awesome, like Rachel and Chloe would say.

"Are you going to do it too?"

"Yeah, I had to convince myself, but yeah. She did tell me to get out of my shell."

"I agree! You have to get yourself out there."

"Max is gay for someone!" Chloe hollered over the clipper's buzzing.

"You're what for someone?" Rachel repeated. I started to panic; I couldn't say anything else.

"GAY!"

_Chloe, why, why, why._

"Oh! So, you're getting yourself out there, because there's a girl you like?"

I cursed under my breath, but I responded. "That's pretty much it."

Rachel was squealing in excitement. "That's so exciting! Holy shit, I want to help! Who is she?"

_Or, I could just hang up on her. I prefer that over letting this conversation go on._

"I spoke to Chloe about it today. I need some time, Rachel. I wouldn't wanna scare her away."

"Just tell me everything that happens, okay? I'll help you as much as I can."

"I will. Thanks so much."

"No problem. Tell Chloe to call me back later."

"Will do, enjoy wherever you're going."

When I put Chloe's phone down, it was my turn. I stood in the bathroom, trusting her with the clipper against my head. She ended up going up too high and it ended right above my ears. I couldn't stop feeling the nape of my neck. It was weird to have the neckline of my hair just gone now.

"That looks hella tight, dude," Chloe complimented. "I fucked up, but it looks good!"

I watched her as she took a selfie in the mirror for Rachel.

"I look fucked up all the time. So, nothing too different." I nodded. "This is already a huge change for me."

"I look fucking good," she flaunted, "and you should feel that way, too!"

"I guess I do feel a little confident."

"Good! When you go talk to her, use that and just be yourself," she reiterated, "but, push yourself a little bit to talk to her. The rest will be history, bitch!"

As vulgar as she was, she was right. If I was sure about it, I had to try. If I don't, I may regret it.

”Anyway,” Chloe left into the kitchen, coming back with a bottle of beer in her hand, “want some?”

I shook my head. “Not that far out of my comfort zone...”


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey… girl?" I attempted, clenching my teeth as I cringed. Chloe could only shake her head, covering her face with her hand. Three hours passed of my attempts at being a confident person. It had to be painful to watch, because being a part of it was  _very_ painful.

"I swear, Max…" she groaned. We both never wanted to do this ever again; we didn't have to say it. We stood together in the middle of the living room, still in our pajamas, desperate to work out what to say and how to act. All we learned was words don't form in my mouth and my body language looks uncomfortable all the time.

 _Hi, we're in the same class! I was the one in my pjs who came in late._  
_Hey, you're pretty and I've been wanting to talk to you?_  
_Um, get out of my school?_

"Chloe, no matter how many times I do this, I'm gonna mess it up once it happens."  _Please… end this. This sucks. I suck._

"You know what?" Chloe pressed her hands together. "Let's go to Starbucks. I'll work, you'll relax, I'll pay for all the fucking coffee you want, hot or cold or whatever-the-fuck, and we'll talk on my breaks."

She had me at "relax," but the drinks were a plus. What we did was three hours too long.

"I should work in a bar instead."

"I feel like that's more your forte," I replied. "You should think about it."

"I wanted to, but now you  _need_ coffee in your system. What's next? IV?" I was ready to answer, but it was rhetorical. "I'll get it as a second job during the night. Damn, my mom would be proud of me."

She hasn't spoken to her mom since we left. I was still in touch with my mom and dad, but I remember she fixed her relationship with her family, especially her stepfather. She talked about them in a better light at the very least, though I wondered if she ever missed them. I didn't think about it long. I got ready for the day out.

When I wore my usual jeans, t-shirt, and jacket, I sat down on the couch again; the TV was still playing the food channel. I never understood the appeal of watching food, but now as a nineteen-year-old college student, I couldn't bring myself to stop watching it. Ironic to say as my diet continued to transcend into dangerous amounts of coffee per day.

"I'll treat you to the pirate cake pop little shits." Chloe came back out in her all-black and green apron. "Right, remind you of our times together to chill out a bit."

"That would be nice." I replied, turning the TV off. I didn't eat those much; it was a little too sweet every time I get them. It made my face scrunch up like it was sour, but it was so sweet I might be killing my teeth. But, Chloe was offering, so I didn't mind that.

* * *

I've noticed at her job that she was very good at spelling people's names. I've asked if misspelling on purpose was a thing, but she didn't know what I was talking about. We passed by my school, looking very empty on the outside since class was in session, and went to the Starbucks parking structure. It was a parking structure for lots of the things in the area and it was well-hidden behind my school.

We walked into the café; the employees were still setting up and getting everything ready for the day. At least the chairs were on the ground already and not upside down on the tables.

"I'll pay for the things, 'kay?" Chloe asserted.

"I can go half—"

"You're broke." Chloe said before walking through the "employees only" door. "Let me do it."

As she disappeared, all I thought was how right she was. I decided to check my bag; I only had one dollar in my wallet.

"Chloe, you're here!" An employee called out.

"Sup, I need one black coffee and about ten pops!" Her voice became further and further away.

I sat alone at a two-person table. I really liked circle tables. Like, this table was for me and for me only, even with the second chair.

I went into my phone and went through apps again. I got texts from Rachel from time-to-time—the last one was around four AM and it said  _"goodnight, Max!"_ She sent goodnight texts every night. Not at any specific time, just if it was still night. Chloe wasn't subtle about talking to her so late. I tapped my fingers against the wooden table as I looked at my phone, looking at memes. I saw this new one about a monkey in a barber chair and I've never been more confused.

I heard the door open, and I looked for a couple seconds, before looking down again. I couldn't help but drop my phone on the table and rest my head down, letting what happened earlier catch up to me.  _Stupid! What the hell is wrong with me?!_

"Max, you're not happy to see me?!" I recognized the voice in a heartbeat. I looked up and met with Rachel's eyes, bright and happily looking down at me.

"Oh, Rachel!" I stood up and hugged her. Despite being a worldwide model star, she was still in her blue flannel. She was only gone for about ten months, though we thought it would be for a couple of years.

"I took an overnight flight here. I didn't want to say that it was my last show for the time being; I wanted to surprise you! Your hair is hella cool!"

"Thanks. Wowser, you really tricked me yesterday. Chloe's gonna break and lose everything once she sees you."

"Good, because I'm going to do that too. And, her birthday just passed, so—" She winked and stuck her tongue out, approaching the front counter. My eyes widen as the unfinished sentence and action sank in. I laughed, but in the end, I was still feeling awkward.

Chloe came out again from the back with a cup of coffee in hand. She passed her like she was nothing. I feel like even in the corner of your eye, you still knew it was Rachel. I saw Rachel smile as she looked at the back of her.

"Here," she dropped the cup in front of me, "don't lose your shit, alright?"

"You should be saying that to yourself." Rachel spoke up.

Chloe took a minute to let her voice sink in. She didn't turn at first, eyebrows furrowing and shaking her head, like it was all in her imagination. She gave me a look, eyes pointing to her and then me again. I nodded. She turned, dropped her jaw, and ran to her. They went into a tight hug, hiding their faces into each other's shoulder. It couldn't last too long, being in the middle of a Starbucks, but there were photos being taken from the employees. I knew they were only taking them because it was Rachel Amber.

"You're really here!" Chloe exclaimed.

"I wanted to surprise you. It felt like I've been apart from you for too long."

 _I should take pictures._ I reached into my bag and took my polaroid camera out, taking pictures of them from my seat.  _They'll want something to remember this._

When they separated, Chloe was still holding onto her arms, "What do you wanna eat? I'll make it for you."

"I already did, but maybe later. Max, do you want anything?" Rachel turned her head to me.

"She does actually." Chloe interrupted. "She only drinks coffee."

I already had one cooling down on my table. It was the first of maybe ten I was going to drink in one sitting.

"Eat a sandwich, at least," Rachel walked over and pressed her hand on my table, "you don't eat anything else?"

"I drink like… three cups a day."

Chloe scoffed, under her breath, "more like three hundred." She walked back to behind the counter again.

Rachel clasped her hands together, walking to the counter, "On second thought, I'll eat a little bit. I'm going to buy a sandwich and a coffee for myself."

"Do I have a problem, Rachel?" I asked, resting my elbow on the table, pressing my palm to my cheek.

"No, I just want you to eat something." Rachel sounded like a mom. Chloe was the cashier, so she was all smiles. I haven't seen Chloe smile so big in a long time.

I heard Rachel say, "Does she eat anything here?"

"Nope, I don't know what the hell she eats anymore."

Now hearing it, it was embarrassing.  _My diet's fucked. Rachel might become my mom for real and feed me._

Rachel came back with her receipt, sitting across from me. "You should tell Chloe what you eat, you know."

"I only eat snacks. I didn't think it was that important to mention."

She rolled her eyes, smiling in the end with a light laugh. Her smile and overall presence was so contagious, my good mood was all the way up already.

"So," she clasped her hands together again, smiling with intrigue, "tell me about this mystery girl."

 _Of course, I couldn't escape from this._ "She's just a girl in my Tuesday class. I always thought she was pretty and, since the first time she smiled at me, I've been too afraid to speak to her."

"I get you." She nodded as she listened. "I can see why Chloe told you to open up, but I have a feeling she was a little more forceful."

"I tried to practice earlier, but none of it felt right. Chloe tried her best, but we were both frustrated. I dunno what to do."

"Just let it happen naturally, Max. I know you developed some anxiety from moving before and then moving here. It's hard talking to anyone, especially someone you have feelings for. I could see you shaking from here! You need to do is get those first words out, then all that stress is going to melt off."

Both she and Chloe took my anxiety into consideration, all while still being themselves without changing too much. It made me feel happy, if not a dead weight they had to drag around.  _The feeling can't be helped. I wish I could just speak like a normal person._

As I looked down, the door opened again and I couldn't believe it.  _It's her!_  I slammed my hands down and, from the look on Rachel's face, she knew. My hands made her divert her attention for a split moment, only to turn back again.

"She's really cute, Max." Rachel whispered to me. She had the same bun and wore the same cardigan and in her hand, was the same sketchbook.  _I know that, Rachel!_

"I'm going to talk to her." Rachel stood up quickly. I grabbed her wrist; I think that was the fastest reaction I ever had. She looked surprised too, but her expression softened. "I'm not ready." I whined. I probably looked pathetic; I felt like it.

"I'm not going to mention you." She patted the back of my hand. The reassurance helped me let her go. She went through a quick order and Rachel caught up right away. I had to listen.  _Rachel, I hope you didn't lie to me._

"Hey, I just wanted to say that I like your hair." Rachel started the conversation.

"Oh, thank you," she replied, "I like your earring." Her voice sounded timid and tired.  _She must have come from class._

"Do you go to that art school? I'm asking because of your book."

"Yes! I'm almost done with my fourth quarter."

"That must be a relief."

"It is, but… you  _do_  have a familiar face."

"You look at magazines often?"

"Oh, yes, you're a model! My roommate talks about you a lot—"

I stopped listening when Chloe came back out with two bags of sandwiches and a box. It was full of cake pops, I think. My teeth hurt just thinking about eating them.

"Who is she talking to?" Chloe bent over towards me and voice low.

"The girl I need help talking to."

"Um, hello, talk to her! She might fall in love with Rachel!" There was still anger in her tone, even though she was whispering.

"I wouldn't be surprised if she did."

Chloe smacked me on the forehead. I could barely hear their conversation anymore because of the blender. Chloe walked back to her job and Rachel came back to me, leaving her to go to her own table.

"What did you learn?" I asked her.

"Her name's Kate, she's an animation major, and she loves rabbits." Rachel listed.

I nodded, fiddling with my sleeves. I pressed my lips together to say something, but she wasn't done yet.

"She's also very religious. She went on this whole thing about God; it was surprisingly fascinating."

 _Okay, there goes my hopes down the drain._  It was one of those things you first learn when you realize you like girls, and it was to never fall for a straight girl. I thought it was a joke, but I've had my fair share of crushes that ended up being one-sided.

"Hey, don't get all sad," she grabbed her sandwich, "just because she loves God and all, doesn't mean there's no chance. I still want you to try."

The chance was so slim that light wouldn't shine between the cracks. Rachel was so good at speaking and connecting to people, I was envious of that. I had no hope, but if I gave up now, would I ever know? I have only ever been in one relationship in my life and it ended a year ago on a bad note.  _I need a long talk with myself._

* * *

We stayed for half of Chloe's shift. The sandwich was good but, even though it was tasty, it was still unsatisfying. She drove us to our apartment, so Rachel can admire the decor and whatnot. She said she was gonna sleep over and said something about getting her bags later. She had the box of cake pops in her hands; we only ate a couple.

"How much is rent here?" She reached into the box and ate another one.

"It's about nine-hundred, I think, without water and electricity." I replied, unlocking the front door. "Welcome to pirate cove."

She walked in and looked at every single poster. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, but the little smirk told me she liked it. "It reminds me of Chloe's room so much. It's so like you guys to be disorganized. I'm into it." Her standards were still the same; I thought they would change since she was surrounded by expensive materials for almost a year.

"How do you guys pay for this thing?" Rachel placed the box on our dining table. She sat down on the couch, sinking into the brown cushions.

I sat next to her, falling into the seat. "We were given some money from our families."

"You guys are saving most of the money, right?"

"When you only drink stuff, we pretty much save ninety-nine percent of it. She wants to get a job during the night at a bar, though."

She crossed her legs, left over right. "That's good. It's more of her style! But,  _you_  should really eat better."

"I'm fine! I'm still the same, just a lot of caffeine in my system."

"Speaking of addictions in systems," she laughed at herself for saying that, "does Chloe still smoke or anything?"

I hummed, trying to think of the best answer. In the whole year we lived here, there were a few times I could smell cigarette on her. She never talked about it and I never found them, so the answer would be "yes, but she wasn't honest or in my face about it?" She never smelled like weed since the move.

"Sometimes? She might take smoke breaks at work. You could smell it on her when she comes back. Why do you ask?"

"I'll keep that in mind. It's her thing, you know that. I'm curious; I stopped completely."

"That's good. I always thought drugs were huge in the model industry."

"Oh,  _they are_. I wanted to stop after everything at Blackwell and there, in general. I needed a new start. And my mom, of course! She got clean just to be with me, so that helped me too."

I nodded. Rachel had kept a close relationship with her mom since her career took off, which was good, because from what she told me, her family back in Blackwell put her through some shit. She developed hate for living in Arcadia Bay, hated it more than us. She left before us to pursue her career, making Chloe very bitter (still kinda was) and not admitting it.

She added, "What about drinking?"

That was a different story. Chloe had a drinking problem. She used it for stress, like the smoking, but it was becoming alcoholism. It was becoming worse and worse since Rachel had to be away.  _She won't drink now that she's here. I know it! She can't._

"Same thing. Not on breaks, I mean—we'll see."

She tilted her head and had a worried look on her face. "Okay." She shifted in her seat, holding her pinky out to me. "Promise me, Max. You're going to eat more and better  _and_ you'll talk to Kate."

"Y-you want me to talk to her next week?"

"No… but, soon would be nice." She had a wide grin on her face, waiting for my answer.  _That means we would have to practice more…_

I suppressed a groan, nodded my head, hooking my pinky with hers. "Okay, but you're helping me practice with Chloe!"

Rachel nodded more enthusiastically, "Well, duh! I want you to be good and ready. You know, I want you to feel and  _know_ you're ready."

"Thanks, Rachel."

"No problem, Max. Now, do you want to hear about what I did in New York?"

"Always!"


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh… my god." Rachel pressed her hand to her forehead after my millionth attempt at saying "hi." Rachel had finished her whole story about how she had to go to the airport wearing a face mask, sunglasses, and a large jacket to conceal her identity. It worked, but she was overheated, yet excited to see us again. She brought souvenirs from there, Japan, United Kingdom, and France, but were still in her bag.

"I told you! This sucks!" I reminded her.  _Can't we just say I'm bad at this and stop it already? I'm so bad at this!_

"Do you remember when I approached her?" She spun around and walked towards me again. "'Hey, I just wanted to say"—Like, mention something to get the conversation going. Like, fuck, I got homework I forgot about."

"The semester's almost over—"

"Max…" Her shoulders slumped.  _Right. She's trying to help me! There's no logic here!_

"Sorry." I nodded, slapping my face. "Hi."

She snickered, holding a more hysterical laugh. "That's a good start. You have to say more than that, though."

"I need help… with this assignment?"

"Good! That's great! You could say that!"

I wanted to pass out.  _Sure, it looks and sounds great, but I'm ready to hurl._

"You need to sit down?" She placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Yes, please." She helped me onto the couch, letting me rest my head on her. "I'm such a mess."

"I know, but you're  _our_ mess." She wrapped her arm around me. "This is a slow process. I can tell it's frustrating for you too, but I don't want you to force yourself."

The door unlocked and open, welcoming a tired Chloe in. She threw her hat on the floor, dropped her keys, and kicked the door closed with her foot.

"Hey babe!" Rachel waved her hand. "Join us."

Chloe dropped down on the couch on the other side, also resting her head on Rachel. I heard them kiss, with Chloe replying with a tired "thanks." I had my eyes closed during this, but there was another noise bothering me.  _Is someone sniffing? It sounds like a dog trying to find something…_

I opened my eyes and searched for the sound. Rachel was looking towards Chloe, sniffing around her head. Chloe wasn't reacting.  _Do I say something?_

"Rache, what are you doing?" I leaned over to whisper.

"She doesn't smell like cigarette smoke or cheap beer." She smiled at me and rested her head on Chloe's. "I think she fell asleep."

"Me too."  _Did she... Did she think she would drunk drive here?_

"We'll fall asleep here then." She pulled me closer to her. I wanted to decline, but she wasn't letting me go or attempt to. I gave up, letting my body become a whole noodle and rest on her.

"Goodnight, Rachel."

"Night, Max."

* * *

"Okay, try again." Chloe wasn't as stressed as yesterday, in fact, she was showing more patience. It could be because Rachel was around, but I could be doing better. Maybe because of the giant suitcase that appeared in the living room, which had to be Rachel's. The size of it made it seem like she was gonna live here; not like we would mind that. We woke up still on her, along with her whisper-yelling into her phone. I had no clue what it was about, I wasn't paying enough attention, but it didn't sound good. It took a good hour before we practiced again and more anger boiling inside of myself.  _It's not their fault... this is shit._

"Hey, could you help me with my... assignment?" I wasn't sure. Confidence left my sentence halfway, slowing and lowering in volume. Hope left Rachel and Chloe's faces.

"That one's great! It just needs to be more confident. Or more like a genuine question and you haven't rehearsed it for days." Rachel was encouraging, to say the least. I was becoming frustrated with myself again, wanting to give up and willingly accept I'll never be able to talk to Kate ever.  _I don't know if she just smiles at me to be nice or what..._

It was too early to be practicing this again. It was Rachel's idea, to do this before Chloe's shift. I had no class today, but I did have a ton of homework to do for tomorrow's class. I had a general class and the only one available for morning on Friday: Nutrition. I hated it, mostly because it was general and I couldn't bring myself to care about it. It was Thursday and I still didn't wanna do the homework.

Chloe took a quick look at the clock on our cable box and groaned, "I gotta get dressed. Duty calls."

"Do you  _actually_ like your job?" Rachel watched her leave to the bedroom.

"I fucking hate the people who go there! Hella mad old people or entitled as hell art kids from Max's nerd school!"

She wasn't wrong. There were some students who walked around like they owned the building and thought they were the best artist.  _I wish I walked around with a part of that kind of assurance._

"Then why are you still there?"

"Max has an addiction." Chloe walked out with her shirt off, putting on a black one. "And I'm her dealer."

"When you put it like that..." I rubbed my arm, feeling discomfort. I already admitted I had a problem with that, but Chloe was one to talk. At least I wasn't her dealer.

"Sounds hella bad." Rachel looked at me, slight worry in her eyes. "Hey, at least it isn't the shit we've done."

"Wrong!" Chloe pointed at me, "She ate weed brownies once."

"By accident! You ate fifteen and then I ate one. Nothing was happening to you, so I thought they were fine!"

"I went into another plane of existence and you... I have no clue where you left."

I had no idea either. The day this happened wasn't a part of my memories _at all_. I remember being at Chloe's house, but anything after that was blank. Luckily, I woke up in bed, but Chloe was sleeping outside in the hallway, covered in pizza and pizza boxes. I thought she was dead, but I waved a cold slice in her face and she woke up.

"You were never meant to do drugs, Max." Rachel chuckled and shook her head. "We'll stay here and continue to practice! Right?" She smiled at me, waiting for a reply.

I forced a smile, "Yeah, right..."

* * *

Hours passed...  _Or, maybe only ten minutes passed?_ No matter what, I was sick and tired of practicing. I could see it Rachel's eyes she was sick of it too. Acting and  _talking_ to people, in general, came so naturally to her, she had to hate helping me. If not, she was starting to.

"You're tired, huh?" She asked me, fixing my hair and my bangs.

"Yes! I'm so sick of this. Why can't I just forget about it?!"

"Because she's worth a shot! I know it's hard and scary for you, but I know you can do it! You're scared of rejection, am I wrong?"

I couldn't reply. It was the truth and there was no reason to deny it. Yet, I still wanted to!  _No, I just... I just don't feel like talking to her! Not anymore... I think._ I was grasping at straws and flipping through hoops to avoid it.  _Yeah, she's just pretty and stuff... I don't need to talk to her._

"Let's take a breather, then." She pulled me to the couch. "Okay, so you're gonna have to put some positive thoughts up there..." She grabbed my head and shook me around.

"I'm overreacting, aren't I?"

"No, no! You're fine! That'll make you feel worse. Staying here clearly isn't working, so let's get ready and head out. Maybe you can get a taste of my life: running around, trying to not get noticed by fans and paparazzi."

"They know where you are?"

"They're  _everywhere_. It doesn't matter which one, they both find me. It's not like Iwant to, but I know it'll make you scared. So, let's get ready and sneak around!"

* * *

It was what I was used to. Hiding and steering away from people was my thing, but Rachel was... quicker. She held onto my hand as she peeked around walls and hopped from one wall to another. It was kind of a rush in a good way, I was smiling and enjoying myself. She was like a cat and she was doing it with such agility, it showed she did this a lot, if not every day.  _I should ask._

"You do this everyday?"

I was hoping she was gonna whip out the big jacket and mask she had to use at the airport. It would've been funny, but being in the middle San Francisco in springtime was going to be more suspicious.

"I had bodyguards, so hiding wasn't hella important. It was a rush! Being surrounded by light, tall ass men pushing people off, my model friends tripping over the whole way there... they were always kind of drunk all the time." She pulled me to the next wall.

She kept talking, groaning, "It was so tiring. They somehow walked hella good on the runway. It helped me  _not_ drink with them... I worked too hard."

"Who were you arguing with earlier?" It had to be work related.

She rolled her eyes. "Manager. When I said I took an overnight flight... I didn't say I left with her. I should've made my mom my manager."

"Could you?"

"Well... My manager's tough for a reason. She put me through hell, so that's fine with me. I do like her and I wouldn't be as hard-working if it was my mom. Just... my mom's hella cool. That's a conversation for another time."

I left it alone, even though pushing was more my thing. Rachel was still hopping from wall to wall, which was still fun to do.

"Where do you plan on going?"

"I'm just distracting you. Readying your mind, forgetting your fears... It's working, right?"

I nodded, smiling and punching her arm.

"You know, Max, this is meant to be fun. Not just this, but being able to talk to someone you like!" She grabbed my shoulders and shook me back and forth. "Showing interest and getting to know someone  _you_ find pretty is fun. I believe in you, want to know why?"

"Why?"

"She kept looking at you when I was talking to her! She held eye contact, but she'd rather talk to you than me."

"Wowser, no one's ever wanted to talk to me instead of Rachel Amber."  _She recognizes me..._

She laughed, snorting a bit. "How does it feel?"

"I-I dunno... I kinda like it."

There was a sudden surge of confidence. It puffed out my chest, it made my mind light, and I couldn't stop smiling.  _I don't even care that she recognizes me from that horrible library thing. She couldn't stop looking at me._

 _"Max,"_ Rachel sang. We were walking out in broad daylight, not hiding in the shadows or behind walls, there was no one outside to notice her. "You're still smiling."

"Oh, really?" I pushed on my cheeks to force it down, but it wasn't working.

" _That's_ how it's supposed to feel!"

"I'll still mess it up," I held onto my jacket, "only because I'm a blushing mess."

"At least it's not because you're scared. It feels like you want to explode still,  _but_  you're still happy!"

"I-I guess. My heart feels like a ticking time bomb. Am I gonna die? I don't want to die a gay mess!"

"You'll be fine!" She grabbed my face. "Whoa, your cheeks are hella hot, oh my god!" She whipped her phone, readying her camera and facing it towards us. I saw through my fingers she was smiling so big.

"What are you doing?" I slapped my hands on my face, hiding and looking in-between my fingers.

"You look cute, come on!" I heard her phone snap a picture while I hid in her shoulder. "That's perfect."

* * *

"Tell me more about how Chloe is when she drinks."

We came back home and sat on the couch, Rachel lied down with her legs over my lap and was on her phone. I hugged her legs as I listened to her thumbs tap against her screen. "Maybe you should just see it."

"Do you think she'll do it when I'm here?"

"I'm... I'm not sure. Sometimes I feel like she's not aware of it either. Doesn't help she's twenty-one now, now she can just buy them." Drinking was the first thing she decided to do. She went through a roller coaster of emotions from happy drunk to a sad drunk. I couldn't laugh or record her, because it was escalating from "kiss me" to "I wish Rachel was here." She missed a few days of work because of that.  _Her birthday was a nightmare._

"God, I won't sleep at this rate. You make it sound like she does this in her sleep!"

"I dunno! I just want to see if she will or not."  _She does it nearly every day. Last night was the first time she hasn't done it since then._

She threw her phone onto the coffee table. "Want to practice again?"

"Um... I have to do homework!" I pushed her legs off of me and went into the room.  _I've never said that before. She wants to practice again? So soon?_ _It's only been two hours._

 _"Bitch,"_ Rachel's eyebrows furrowed in disbelief as she stormed in, "you'd rather work on homework than work on flirting?"

"Just  _a little_ more rest," I used my index and thumb to measure, "please?"

Her shoulders went down and jumped into bed, squeaking under her weight. "Alright, but I'm staying in here now."

I flipped through my Nutrition textbook, took my notebook out of my bag, and sat at my desk. I could hear Rachel was on her phone again, which made me calm again. I thought she was gonna bore holes into the back of me. I wasn't sure of the assignment I had or if I had it at all, so I stared at my textbook (not at pictures or a single word on the pages, it felt like staring at nothing.) I scribbled sentences like "please leave" and "going crazy," along with a couple pictures of cartoons screaming and lying on the ground.

"Is there anything else you like about Kate?"

 _Shit._ "I guess I could tell she's sweet. Like those cake pops... except she doesn't make my teeth hurt or cringe when I think about her."

"You think about her a lot?"

"NowI do. I could tell she's out of my league, too."  _I have a feeling she was looking at me because I was so nervous, it was obvious!_

She laughed, almost too loudly. "I mean... She kinda is."

"Thanks, Rachel."

"You said it first!"

"You were thinking it!" I spun to her in my office chair. "I'm a mess, right?"

"Yep!" She said with a smile, still facing her phone. "But hey, some messes get girls who are out of their leagues."

"Like who?"

She shrugged her shoulders, humming "I don't know." She put her phone down and sat up, "I'm sure it's happened before."

"You didn't want to compare it to you and Chloe?"

"You think I'm out of her league?"

"... No."

"Good, because me either. I think we're in each other's leagues! It doesn't matter, Max!" She stood up to shake me around again. "You like the cute girl, so go talk to the cute girl! Who cares about leagues and all that shit? You're thinking too much again."

"I've never done this before. I don't think I've ever liked anyone as much as Kate. It's so weird and it makes my stomach so..." I groaned at the end. There was no word to describe it. "You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I do. Well, let's go out again tonight! Let's bring Chloe along and then loosen you up again!"

"Okay... Where?"

* * *

I should've known it was somewhere bad when she smirked at me. Chloe came home as tired as yesterday, throwing her keys and kicking the door closed with her foot, falling into the couch. Her entire body took up the couch, even her legs stuck out over the armrest.

 _"Oh, Chloe,"_ Rachel sang as she fell on top of her, getting a grunt in response. "Come on, you gotta change."

She grumbled, "Why?"

I was standing on the side watching them. I shifted in my stance, rubbing the back of my neck and trying to clear my throat.  _Should I go? They're close right now and I feel bad to intrude._

"Right now?" Chloe flipped to her side, bringing Rachel with her and squishing her against the couch.  _We shouldn't leave! She's tired anyway! I don't have to go anywhere!_ I took slow strides towards the room.

"Don't you dare, Max Caulfield!" Rachel pointed at me, lifting her head enough to see me.

"I need some fucking sleep, Rachel..." Chloe held her down with her weight, falling asleep right after.

Rachel sighed and said in one breath, "Max needs help relaxing, we're going to a club, and I'll wear a tight dress for you."

Chloe shot up and ran to the bathroom. "We're going!"


	4. Chapter 4

_Are we really doing this?_

It went by fast, but somehow, we were on our way to a club called HUE sf in a stretched limo with bottles of wine and glasses along the window. I felt so out of place with them—Rachel had her little black dress, Chloe had her ripped jeans and tank top. How she looked now reminded me of her old clothes, making me feel a little nostalgic. Even the jacket was the same one from before!

She found bottles of beer in the mini fridge under the dangling wine glasses, cracking one open right away. We watched as she chugged it down, tossed it, and then break another one open. Rachel's mouth hung open, holding onto Chloe's shoulders as she chugged the bottle down.

"Baby, baby," Rachel reached, hesitant, to the bottle and put it to the side by her feet, "we're not at the place yet. Wouldn't want you to pass out before we get inside."

I was cowering into the corner in the seats across from them, trying  _so_ hard to hide into the crevice of the door and seat. I was so uncomfortable with knowing I was not fitting in with them.  _I should just go... I had no reason to be here._ I tried to decline her, but somehow, I don't remember, she convinced me to go along.

"Now, Max," Rachel came over to me, pulling me off the door, "You're going to be okay. Just give it a shot tonight and you'll never have to do this again."

_I'm so nauseous. I'm ready to hurl all over this limo..._

_I've done many presentations and gone to crowds, I should be okay._  My heart was going a mile a minute. "I'm willing to try!" I forced out. In a drunken state, even Chloe wasn't convinced. Rachel comforted me by rubbing my shoulders, smiling and patting me on the back.

* * *

Just like any other club, it had long lines, bright lights, and two tall bouncers guarding the door. Everyone was dressed in their best looks for the night out; there were some I recognized from school. It was random to go to such a place in the middle of the week, although everyone might be stressed or just want to forget everything for a moment. Or, they just love to party and that was also a valid reason. Rachel was leading the way and strutting with upmost confidence, while Chloe and I followed behind her like her groupie—she had to lean on me for support.

_Stay cool. Stay cool. No one's looking at me._

"Rachel Amber!"  
"Holy shit it's Rachel!"  
"I love you Rachel!"

All eyes were on her. She waved at everyone and posed for pictures as we followed behind. My eyes couldn't help but start to look down her body, guiding me to the giant dragon tattoo on her leg.  _I'm sorry Chloe_ _, but holy shit..._ I looked up at Chloe after, who had a confident grin on her face. She was proud of her girlfriend and I knew that grin meant as dominance over everyone around us. As for me, I was just trying my best.

She went up to the guards, both men were tall and incredibly muscular, and she crossed her arms, "Need an ID?"

They looked at each other, looked at her, looked at us, and then shook their heads. They opened the double doors for us, and inside, it was already packed, lit by blue light, and loud music poured out. We all walked in, nodding our thanks to them.

On the inside, my heartbeat was somehow louder and harder than the music filling the room. It vibrated through my feet and I could barely think one whole thought.  _This is a lot... This music could kill someone's hearing._  I would've never brought myself here alone or just with Chloe. I stuck out like a sore thumb in this scene, sidestepping around everyone in my sneakers. Everyone was dressed so well and carefree.

"Max!" Rachel called out and grabbed my hands. "Dance with me!"

She caught me before I could run to the bar for food. With Rachel dragging me and Chloe pushing me, I couldn't go anywhere. I was guided blindly, everyone glowing in the blue lights, the hard bass hitting against my ear drums, and the shakiness of my legs were overwhelming. I took deep breaths. I've only been to one party like this and it was the Vortex Club party in Blackwell, and even that was a lot. Rachel and Chloe started to dance along to the music; their energy exerted onto me. I tried to copy their movements, their raised and waving arms and their swaying hips. Eventually, Chloe and Rachel were on each other, hands tangled in hair, bumping and grinding hips, and fingertips gliding over bare skin.

Some random girls did the same to me in a drunken haze, but I was gravitating away from the middle of the dance floor towards VIP seating and the bar. I finally escaped, getting on a bar stool at the end of the table. My head hung down lazily, exhaling loudly as I got myself back together again. My breath and fingers were shaky as I tried to calm myself down.  _Breathe in. Breathe out. Come on..._

The bar was full of alcoholic drinks, cups, and nozzles, all the while there was a door behind the tender for the food. The wall was covered in bottles and white light.

"Hey, are you okay?!" The lady behind the bar asked me, her voiced raised just enough. Barely, I could see the worry in her eyes.  _Yes, I'm fine. Yeah... I'm fine._

"I'm fine. It's my first time in a club." I responded. My words were barely audible to myself.

"You can stay here for a bit." She told me. I smiled and nodded, but I was sure she couldn't see me. My eyes darted around. Drunk women were on stages and platforms, dancing against each other, VIP was full of men and barely dressed women dancing on them, and Rachel and Chloe, who were still dancing with each other.  _I don't understand how people could have fun here._

My attention went back to the bartender, seeing her outline in the white light. She had a pony tail, large hoop earrings, and a low, cleavage-revealing shirt. I blinked and squinted my eyes at her. By leaning over closer, the person was starting to become familiar to me.  _Did I know this person? Wait..._

My eyes opened so large, it felt like they were bulging out my head. "Dana, is that you?!"

She got closer to me too. She had to take a minute to figure me out too, squinting and trying so hard to see. She fell back and gasped. "Max, oh my god!"

"When did you move here?!"

"I moved last month! I'm living with a new boyfriend right now and he always wanted to live in San Francisco!" Dana spoke to me as she made some colorful drinks. She hadn't changed much in a year. Her style was still the same and she was still a friendly person. Looking closer, there had to be a tattoo on her arm.

"Anyway," she slammed her hands down, leaning over and giving me an eyeful down her shirt, "do you want to eat something? Can't let you drink!"

"Can I get one of everything?" I asked her. Rachel gave me some money in case this happened. By some, about two hundred.

"No problem!" She cheered. "One order of fries, nachos, wings, and mozzarella sticks coming up!"

The statement alone brought me back to life.

* * *

It was three AM. I wish I was able to talk to Dana more, but it was a busy night for her and she couldn't find time to talk for a few minutes. I almost forgot where I was from seeing her and eating so much. Instead, I finished eating and sat outside on the curb with my phone. The line was gone, the music was muffled, and the bouncers were talking about what to do tomorrow.  _Nights are pretty nice. Too bad I always miss it for staying inside._

"Max, there you are," Rachel messed with my hair, now out of the ponytail, "we thought you would be inside still." Chloe was depending on her, arm around her shoulders and leaning to keep her stable. She looked  _gone._

"I ate and left," I stood up again, dusting off my pants, "is there a place open at this time?"

Now I remember what I was missing. That was the most food I've eaten in a while and I was ready to eat more.  _I don't even know where the food went! My stomach is an endless pit._

"Sure," Rachel chuckled at me, amused yet so disappointed in me. Rachel was tired, eyes droopy and words slowly but surely slurring together, but she helped her near-unconscious girlfriend to the limo parked on the side of the road. Opening the door, Rachel practically threw Chloe in.

"Excuse me, driver," Rachel walked to the window, knocking on it, "we need to go somewhere to eat. Can you find one for us?"

"Yes, ma'am, hop in!"

We did so, sitting on the side closer to the driver, as Chloe took up the whole seat to lie down.  _I can't complain. She really needs this._ Rachel was next to me, leaning on me and resting her head on my shoulder.

"Oh Max," she said with a sigh, "I guess you needed to eat something fattening."

It was obvious I loved two things: taking pictures and coffee. If you asked me a year ago what I liked, I would have just said pictures. Although, I finally had food in my system again, so for now, I changed it from coffee to food.

"College did that to me." I professed. It was a good excuse.

"Honestly, better to be addicted to food than anything else." She chuckled, yawning and lifting her head off me.

"You're not gonna sleep?"

"Nope, I still have some fuel in me. That's just the model in me."

"Your body thinks it's working on modelling?"

She snorted, shaking her head, "Guess so."

"At least you had fun, right?"

"Chloe's so touchy. I hate that she's drunk, but I don't think her moves would be different if she was sober." She fell back on her seat, hitting her head on the rest, but not caring. "Did you see her hands? They were trying so hard to get into my dress."

"Was Chloe always like that?"

"I've been gone for nearly a year, she's hungry. Or, thirsty, as people say now."

"Sorry, I hate asking about your romantic life."

"Don't even! It's whatever. She hates talking about it, hearing about it too. So, I  _love_ to talk about it."

She looked at me like she was expecting me to ask more.  _I mean... should I? She clearly wants me to, but I'm their friend and now living with both of them! It's so weird to think about!_

"Was it weird to see Chloe drink like that?" I looked towards Chloe, who was half on the seats and half on the floor. I had to change it before I pass out from thinking too much.

"Yeah..." her hands gravitated down, sighing heavily, "Thank god she didn't get any more but... it was just two, but she did it like it was water. Like, she was used to it."  _Should I tell her? She's already upset from seeing a small part of it._ _I shouldn't. It's too much._

"At least she stopped," I put my arm around her shoulders, pulling her in, "she never stopped when I tried."  _I felt like that was too much information._

She looked at me and had a tired smile. "This conversation's over, yeah?"

I couldn't reply, nodding.

* * *

We ended up at a McDonald's, a place just for drunk, high, or both people. The bright sign of the golden arches shined down at us through the window, filling me with excitement.

Fuck healthy food,  _this_ was what I wanted.

"You really want to eat here?" Rachel blinked up at the sign, yawning and groaning.

I nodded, swinging the door open. "I dunno about you, but I'm getting fries."

"Just give me ten minutes," she switched seats to Chloe's side, "I'm going to try to wake her up."

"She might be out completely. Something like this usually happens on Saturdays."

She looked defeated. I was getting flashbacks of Chloe chugging bottle after bottle down. "I'm still going to try."

I left the car and walked in alone. There was something dystopian about going into shops and restaurants so early and so dark outside. Like, "I'm not supposed to be here, yet here I am." There weren't any customers and there were only two workers. It had its typical gray-and-red color scheme, TV menus, and comfortable cylinder seats. Everything was definitely slightly creepier.

"You okay?" The cashier asked me.

"I came from the club." I sighed.

"I get it," She stopped me immediately, "what would you like?"

"I have a feeling my friends won't be able to leave the car, so I need about four large fries, fifty chicken nuggets, and three Big Macs."

"Would you like a drink?"

"Three Sweet Teas in your biggest cup."

I looked behind me and Rachel finally walked in, but she was fully aware and awake. Judging by Chloe not being next to her, she was unsuccessful in waking her up.

"Oh, my god, Rachel Amber?" The employees both stared in awe. Rachel was near fainting, but she still smiled and nodded.

"Yep, that's me. I'm hella tired, I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine! It's fine! We're happy to serve you at all."

"Max, what did you order?" She asked me, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"So, you want four large fries, fifty chicken nuggets, three Big Macs, and three large sweet teas." The employee named off.

Rachel turned around to reach into her bra and take money out.

"It's super late, can I just give a hundred?" She lazily handed the dollar over.

"You know what, this order's on us. No need to pay." The employees haven't stopped smiling so big.  _Yup, Rachel Amber is standing in your restaurant._

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! Please, take a seat."

We thanked them for the free meal and took a seat at the nearest table. I noticed she was trudging barefoot.

"Oh, thank god," she fell into her seat with a hard thud, "I'm barely living right now."

"Is Chloe out cold?"

"She woke up to give me the worst kiss of our relationship and then passed out again."

"I can only imagine."

"It was so slobbery and she almost missed completely."

That was the best drunk-Chloe-reaction I've ever heard. Chloe was unpredictable, constantly switching between being very depressed and a giggly mess, when drunk. The former was often, bringing whole packs and boxes home, only to be gone in the same night.  _I should tell her, but Rachel's so tired..._

I sat down with her and started talking about something else, like how her shoes were gone. She laughed at that, at least.

* * *

Back home, we had to take two trips: one for Chloe and one for food. Rachel and I had to carry her, dragging her feet on the ground, to the apartment and throw her into bed. Luckily, the driver stayed put while we were figuring it out. When we tucked Chloe into bed, we changed into our pajamas, sat on the couch, and channel-surfed on TV. With only the kitchen light on, it felt like a night a college student should have.

"Oh, hey," I leaned over my crossed legs to grab some fries, "do you remember Dana?"

"Dana Ward? Oh yeah, I loved her! She was so friendly and such a good dancer. How can I forget my fellow actress?" Rachel brighten up from the mere mention.

"She was actually the bartender at the club. She hasn't changed at all!"

"No fucking way, we have to go back. I need to see her again. She was the one that gave you all the food there?"

"Yeah, I wanted one of everything." I chewed on a chicken nugget.  _It tasted pretty good, though this food is taking the cake._

"Anything to pass the time, I guess." She continued to eat, chuckling into her burger.

_Should I tell her now? She's feeling better. It's really late, though! She doesn't have enough energy to hear something like it. Could she handle hearing about Chloe and her drinking problem?_

"You fucking hated being there, huh?" Rachel asked as she sipped her drink.

I was taken aback at first. The way it was worded, my mind immediately thought she meant it in an aggressive and mean way. My heart hurt, like it missed a couple beats, and words were caught in my mouth. I had to take deep breaths, convince myself she wasn't mad.

"You okay?" She put her food down and grabbed me, feeling my cheeks and looking into my eyes. "Did I say something?"

"N-no, I'm fine." I put her hands down, "I didn't hate it. I had fun, but it was a lot too fast."  _My body was ready to shut down, but it was expected. I hope she doesn't think I really did hate it._

"I should've started small." She shook her head, rolling her eyes as if she was mad at herself.

"Do you believe me?"

"I believe you," Rachel grabbed one of the containers of fries, "I'll just try harder next time."


	5. Chapter 5

"You got this, Maxaroni."

Chloe patted me on the back. I almost cringed at her touching me. Not because I didn't want it, but because not even minutes ago, I walked in on her and Rachel mid-fucking, causing me to panic and run out. I shoved a book into my face, acting as if I never saw anything. My face had to be as red as a tomato right now.

It was Tuesday again, the day I have to speak to Kate.  _I feel like I'm gonna explode._ I was getting ready and just wanted to check up on them. I wish I had a warning or just  _be loud_ to let me know before I barged in. All I wanted was to get my backpack for class, but what I got instead was Chloe's face missing in between Rachel.

"What's up, Max?" Rachel walked by, touching my back. She still looked better than me even with bed head and just her flannel on.

"Nothing," was all I had to say. I had no words to describe "what was up." They were both wearing nearly nothing, just covering all the correct parts. They were so secure about themselves and, I guess, around me. I was uncomfortable; they were so... bare.

"Are you eating breakfast?" Rachel had a spatula in her hand, pointing it at me.

"I'll just catch something on campus." There were hundreds of vending machines and I pass about five of them going to this room alone. I never really buy anything from one because, every single time, something gets stuck in between the hooks and the glass. And then, when I get another thing to fall on top, that one gets stuck, too. _I haven't succeeded yet, but maybe my luck changed today._

There was a look of disappoint on her face, so I went to the kitchen to eat a cake pop. I forgot that it was designed like a little pirate, with the eyepatch and all. As I bit into it, the chocolate inside was so sweet against my tongue, it made me squeamish.  _Sorry little pirate, off with your head and you weren't even that tasty._  She giggled at me, but approved.

I finished the pop, asking "Are you ready, Chloe?" When I went back to her, who was dressed for her day of work. I could've sworn she was half-naked like a minute ago.

She was twirling her keys on her finger, "Are you?"

* * *

Chloe was planning on going back home. I had no doubt in my mind. She didn't have to get dressed at all; she was going back to Rachel. As much as I hated it, the image couldn't leave. My face felt so hot, I hated it!  _They're my friends, you perv!_

To make it worse, we were stuck in traffic. One lane closed due to road work, so multiple car honks went off and loud machinery were overpowering the music on the radio. It was making me late to class  _once again._

"Why are you hella red?"

"Nothing! It's, uh, cold."

"I can see you sweating from here."

"It's a cold sweat."

I wanted to wear a black jacket to match my new hairstyle.  _I didn't think this through... being a sweaty mess and then talking to Kate? Oh shit! I can't talk to her like this!_

"You're looking more like an art student every day."

She took her hands off the wheel; we weren't moving anymore. We leaned back against our seats, simultaneously crossing our arms.

"Is that good or bad?"

"You tell me, hippy."

"I'd say... it's  _not_ a good thing."

"Same, some of your classmates have their heads hella far up their asses."

I couldn't help but snicker. There were a few I've met who were entitled and pretentious; they were especially annoying during critique.

"Actually," I had an idea, shifting to my side, "you should work at the bar at the club we went to."

She snorted, "Did you ask the bouncers or something?"

"No, I just thought because Dana worked there, she would give you a chance."

"Oh shit, Dana Ward's here?" She hummed after finishing her sentence. She placed her finger on her chin. I could tell she was thinking about it. I don't recall Chloe ever liking or hating Dana, but I have a feeling she liked her. Chloe never finished at Blackwell and she rarely spoke good about anyone or anything associated with the school. "I just might go again tonight."

"You're not gonna drink again, right? You were out cold last time."  _And Rachel's here, the drinking should tone down a little..._

"No, I'm gonna be good."

I couldn't get the thought out of my mind. I wish I had more power or strength to help her, to stop her. She clearly doesn't know she has a problem.  _I don't have courage to bring it up to her. I just... I can't._

The traffic started to move ever so slightly.

"How long do you think Rachel will be here?" I rested my elbow on the console.

"I hope she stays long enough. A lot of the time she'll be home alone or at my work and that really fucking sucks."

I could hear Chloe's voice becoming somber at the end. I contemplated saying something, anything to make her feel better, but I stayed quiet instead. We started to move again, but we didn't say anything else for the rest of the drive.

* * *

 _Two hours late... again._ I lumbered along through the hallways. I remember I got lost first day and it was embarrassing. I couldn't find a room for the life of me and I thought, for sure, that it would be in either floor two or three. It was on the first floor the whole time. In my defense, it wasn't a number and I thought floor one was just the library, tutoring center, and restrooms.

I passed the first vending machine right next to the elevator, peering into it and trying to find which one is less likely to get stuck.  _I'll never get a granola bar._  I decided on chips, and as I pressed the number and letter, I hoped and prayed it wouldn't get stuck. I watched the yellow bag fall, only to eventually get stuck on the granola bars shelf at the bottom. I stared at it for so long.

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

I didn't even want to attempt at putting more money. Instead, I kicked the machine as hard as I could, resulting in a throbbing foot, a clenched jaw, and my face of pain. My screams were held back, coming out as a suppressed grunt. My eyes shut from the pain and I held on to the machine.

"Ah, fuck!" I cried out.

"Do you need help?" I heard next to me. It was a gentle, soft voice. I looked over and felt embarrassed instantly.

"No." I let go of my knee and forced a smile. "Wait, did you mean the machine or my foot?"  _That's so embarrassing to say!_

She giggled. "Your foot, but I can see there's something wrong with the machine too."

I wasn't expecting anyone, let alone her. I think that was the first impression of the century. I tightly held my hands together behind my back to stop them from shaking.  _Keep calm, you'll be fine. All that practice was for nothing, I guess._

"We're in the same class today, aren't we?" She asked as she looked at the Lay's chips.

"Yeah, I got stuck in traffic and that's why I'm out here and not in there."

"At least you're dressed out today. I can lend you my notes, do you want them?" She took a dollar out of the pocket of her jacket.

 _Shit, did she only know me because of last week? Or was she referring to the other time? Or what happened in the library?_   _No, because she smiled at me the other time, so she knew who I was then!_ I hated this moment and I need to be saved right now.

"Yeah, is it break-time right now?"

"It is," she chose the same chips, falling and making mine fall along with it, "there you go."

"Thanks, uh..." I hesitated. I knew it, but I didn't wanna creep her out.

"Kate," she held her hand out and smiled, "I saw you at Starbucks with Rachel Amber."

"We go way back." I shook her hand. "Everyone calls me Max."

I felt so lost looking in her eyes. They were such a warm and lively mix of golden brown and forest green, the ring of green embracing amber so close, everything in her eyes united so harmoniously. What a strange sea to get lost in.  _So... cheesy... Oh, my dog._

"It fits you." She let go first.

Oh dog, my hands were clammy. We both reached for the chips at the same time and then retracted at the same time. We both awkwardly laugh and told each other "you first." She took hers first after that exchange.

"I'll give you my notes when we get back." She started to walk away.

I took a few steps to catch up with her.  _I could be like "hey, can we walk together?" or "can we hang out later?"_  I stayed behind and leaned against the vending machine.

"Sorry I kicked you." I said to it.

* * *

I finished my chips in about five seconds and walked around on the first floor for ten minutes. It was boring and still break-time, so I decided to go to class. The class was practically empty, except for Kate and the teacher.

I went to my seat in the back. Immediately, I was met with a red notebook sitting on my desk. Curiously, I flipped through it and found a page with a yellow post-it note right in the middle.

_I recalled you sitting here. I hope you don't think it's weird. Give it back to me whenever!_

It was Kate's. Her g's and y's had looped tails, her h's and b's curved, and letters like e, n, and r attached to the letters they were next to. She stayed on the blue lines perfectly and made small notes in the margins. I was surprised she knew where I sat; she was more observant than I thought. I took my composition notebook out to start copying her notes. My book was tattered and covered in many stickers and drawings Chloe and I wanted to shove into it. I bought it when I started here and it already looked shitty. Yet, I loved it more like this.

I was never one to copy word for word. The only reason my book looked full were all the pictures in it. I had many deer and many studies of classmates from different classes on every single page. It was so disorganized.

I looked up and saw Kate looking over. She smiled at me and turned back to the front as everyone came back into class again.

Class ended and, honestly, I was done writing the notes an hour ago, but I couldn't bring myself to give it back. Dare I say, I actually felt too scared and nervous to do it. She came up to me, still showing me her kind smile and asked, "Are you done now?"

"Yeah," I handed her notebook back, "thanks."

She took it back with two hands. "No problem, see you again on Tuesday." She waved and left behind everyone else.

There was a swell in my chest and my face was so hot to the touch. I acted normal as I waited for the elevator and went all the way down. At the bottom, I rushed out of the door, looked around, and then proceeded to cheer. I whooped and hollered out, jumped around and thanked whatever God above cursed and then blessed me today.

It was still too early for me to bust into Starbucks, so I called Rachel. I was still full of adrenaline, but as I listened to my phone ring and ring and turn into the "your call has been forwarded," all of it was gone. _Shit,_ _are_ _you_ _kidding_ _me?_  I called again and no reply.

There were possibilities I thought of as to why she couldn't answer: she was napping, Chloe took her away, or Chloe and Rachel were both ignoring me. I even put the new number she told me about, so I couldn't be calling the wrong person.

I checked on Chloe's number instead. It rang and then nothing again.

I let out a huff. I got a text instead. **Sorry Maxi pad text you** **later. With Rachel.**

_I knew they went back to what they were doing! They don't have to lie to me! Or... maybe it's better that way. Friends, Max, you already know too much._

I went to the library again and, of course, Kate was there again. She sat at the same table and was focused on her book. I went to the same aisle I was in last time and pretended to browse. I was not here to check her out, no pun intended. I was here to wait for Chloe! I told myself that, but why did I go into the same aisle I could see her in? Nope, I was here to wait for my friend to text me.

But, I still wanted to look over. I kept my head still and looked into the corner of my eye. She wasn't looking back, thank dog. I sauntered around, looking at books about animation, knitting, cooking, and history of various films. I hope I looked like a normal student looking around and not creepy or weird.

"Hey Max." The voice scared the shit out of me. I physically jumped and put my hand on my chest from it. It was a classmate from my Friday class, which I missed. It was just a general class, so I didn't care much for it. I sat next to him and he was a bigger hipster than me. I would be down to wear a bow tie and Clubmaster glasses, but I dunno how that would look.

"Oh, hey Evan." I leaned on the bookcase. "What's up?"

"I noticed that you were absent. I brought the notes from class if you want them; there's a test this week." He was holding a stack of papers in his hand.

"Oh, yeah! Can I take them home? That looks like a lot." I flipped open my messenger bag.

"Of course, I already have it all down, so go nuts!"

As I put the packet in my bag, he went on talking about a show he watches. I was listening and nodding to acknowledge everything he said, but I was perfectly angled to see Kate over his shoulder. She saw me back and waved her hand, then went back to her book. I felt my mouth twitching into a smile, but I went back to my classmate, still rambling about all the death in the show.

* * *

I left the library when I told him I was gonna watch it as I copy notes. I wouldn't say it was a lie, but it was highly unlikely. I didn't even catch the title.  _I feel bad, but... not really?_

I wasn't sure if Chloe or Rachel ever text me, but I just left outside. It was hot outside and I needed some fresh air.

To my surprise, Chloe's car was in the front and I could see Rachel in the front passenger seat. I took strides and then got into the backseat. They were both dressed normally, in matching white tank tops no less, so Chloe really wore her uniform into tricking me. We were back in the traffic when Rachel finally said something.

"How was class?"

"I was only there for two hours, so nothing happened." I put on my seatbelt. "What were you guys doing that you couldn't call me back?"

There was an awkward pause. I saw Rachel in the mirror press her lips together, avoiding to say something.  _You gays_ — _I mean, guys..._

"We were out eating!" Rachel huffed a laugh through her nose, but I was sure she meant...  _both_ meanings. "Being a couple and then fans coming up to me. Sorry we didn't answer you at all."

"It's cool."

"Did you talk to her?" She turned to look at me. She changed the topic so fast, I was speechless for a moment. I was able to reply after a couple um's and uh's.  _She spoke to me first, thanks to my nonexistent luck with vending machines!_

"She talked to me first." I said confidently.

"Oh, really now?" Rachel wasn't convinced.  _I knew they wouldn't believe me._ Hell, even I couldn't believe it happened.

I held my breath, but eventually I murmured, "I may have kicked a vending machine and she saw it."

"Now I believe it." Chloe snorted.

"Wait, why did you kick a vending machine?" Rachel's eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"I wanted chips and it got stuck." I realized that it was a bad idea. My foot still hurts.

"Oh Max..." Rachel sighed, but she was amused. She turned back to look out the windshield again. This was the first time I was in the back and it was a little tight. The seats were so close to me, my legs barely fit in between the little space left.

"But, did you guys go on a long date or something?" I mentioned.

"Oh, we decided to go to that club again and asked if they had an available time for Chloe to go in or if she could get a job at all," Rachel explained, "I think mentioning Dana helped, but we have to wait until tonight to talk to her. Do you want to come along?"

"Are we going in the limo again?"

"Yes."

"Then, I would like to go again!" My mouth watered at the food I could get there once again.

* * *

It was midnight, Rachel and Chloe didn't drink during the ride.  _Thank dog, one night was already too much..._ I sat in between them, which felt strange, they were close and leaned over me to talk to each other.

"I think you'll get the job. I'm sure Dana has some power." Rachel crossed her legs, one over the other. She got even closer. I was uncomfortable in this moment. Our legs were pressed against each other, their hands would periodically use my legs as leverage to lean over, and I was smelling their hair more than breathing real oxygen.

"Why are you guys sitting over here?" I asked, using my hands to move Rachel's hair as she leaned. I looked at both of them with a confused look on my face. They looked back at me with straight faces, really unconcerned and not bothered by the question.

"What's wrong with sitting altogether like friends?" Rachel cocked her head to the side.

"You guys are talking to each other," I placed my hands on their shoulders, "and I feel super... out of place, being in between here."

The smell of green apple was overwhelming, the pressure of them leaning over on my thighs were hurting me, and my back and neck bending back as far as possible doesn't even cover even half of how I felt.  _What level of third wheel do you have to be to get to this point?_  I felt like I was definitely at the highest point.  _Was I jealous or was I just irritated?_

"We're sorry, Max." Rachel put her arm around me and rubbed my back. "You're not uncomfortable with being so close, right?"

"Only the fact that you two keep talking to each other in front of me."

The limo stopped, the window dividing this section and the driver in front of us slid down, and the driver said, "We're here, Miss Amber."

"We'll talk about something you want to talk about when we get back." Rachel patted my back.

It was the same thing. The line screamed for Rachel's attention, we followed Rachel in, passed the two guards, but this time, we beeline to the bar lit by white light. The music was loud, but there were less people dancing inside. It was Tuesday after all, these people must have a lot of time on their hands, but who knows. Dana was there again, wearing a shirt to reveal her midriff, and she saw us right away. She waved excitedly at us. She walked around the bar and hugged Rachel first, tightly and rocking her around.

"Rache, I missed you so much!" She avowed as loud as she could.

Chloe and I couldn't hear anything else after that. We were swaying and shimmying around to the music, bumping into each other once in a while. She was a lot better than me and it was obvious.

"Chloe," Dana shouted out, "you need a job?!"

"Yeah, can you hook me up?!" Chloe hollered and walked away.

"Want more food, Max?!"

"Yep!" I sang. I bounced to the bar stool.

As the three talked to each other, I was sitting on the same stool with all the same foods I was eating the other night. Everything was a lot less hectic. People weren't dancing as much, doing more interacting and drinking, and it was more chill.  _Maybe I am actually enjoying myself or it was the food talking._  Simultaneously, I finished my food and they were done with their conversation.

"Babe, I love you and shit," that was the first thing Chloe said when we left, "But, we are fully capable of making our own cash."

Chloe a year ago wouldn't say that at all. She would've loved to get some cash, whether someone willingly gave it to her or she stole it. Even when I was the voice of reason, she would still listen to herself and acted out on it. I couldn't lie; there were times that I actually agreed with her. I still remember the face of relief she had when she finally paid off all her debt for the weed she bought.

"You love and care for Max and I do too! Please let me pay for your debt!" Rachel grabbed my shoulders and hugged me from behind.

There was one problem college students were stuck dealing with for the rest of time: money. I dunno if they felt the need to because they didn't finish high school or whatever another reason it could be. I didn't know whether to accept or reject or even say nothing.

"It would be cool, but I think I'll be okay." I finally decided.

Rachel wasn't impressed. "Modest, but this is art school we're talking about."

She was right, but I had a sense of guilt that was way stronger than actually accepting her offer.

"I'm still three quarters in, so let me think about it." I finished. Chloe and Rachel seemed happy with that answer.

"Step two, Max, you have to talk to Kate more." Rachel reminded me. She hugged me again, "I'm so proud of you!"

 _I don't wanna force anything or make it look like a romantic relationship was my only intention._  I wouldn't want to scare her away. She was clearly so nice and kind to everyone, being her friend was already good for me.  _I have to admit, I feel intimidated by her. I dunno how, but I'm scared even looking at her._

"Yeah, I'll try."


	6. Chapter 6

For the rest of the week, I was stuck copying notes, making more prints, and sleeping on the couch. Rachel and Chloe started a routine of going to Starbucks together for the day and then at night, they would go out on dinner dates. I was relieved that they didn't want to take me along with them, leaving me be. They always brought leftovers home for me.

Thursday night was eventful for them, but not for me. Chloe and Rachel went out to watch a horror movie that came out recently (the clown one), went to an arcade (they brought back little rings and bracelets), ate at a healthy, vegan place (Veggie Grill or something), and then came back with food from Wing Stop (with FRIES). I was at home, reading the notes over and over again, and watching reruns of game shows and questionable commercials about sex hotlines. Finally, I was able to see the souvenirs in the room, which was a variety of snowglobes from the different countries she visited. Not for me, obviously, but the variety of foreign movies on my desk were mine for sure!

I was sick of studying and being surrounded by piles of paper, I don't want to see another piece ever again.

"Are you ready for your test?" Chloe gave me a hard pat on my back as she passed me. I was sitting on the couch and I saw she was dressed for her Friday afternoon shift.

"It's for Nutrition," I moaned, "I can't bring myself to care."

Not once, during the entire quarter, did I convince myself that I loved and enjoyed this class.  _Being in there makes my anxiety spike... I have no idea why my teacher insists on calling on me._

"At least it'll be done in a few weeks," she patted me on the back, then raised her brow, "It's a few, right?"  _Three weeks, to be exact._ I nodded.

"Then get good grades and get the hell out... hit it and quit it."

"That doesn't work in this scenario, Chloe."

Nevertheless, it was encouraging to see Chloe changing and encouraging me, but I know, somewhere in there, she wanted to tell me "fuck school."

"You're... hella gay today. How obvious do you want to be?"

I had my black-and-red flannel and ripped jeans.  _I remember wearing something similar to this and saying "shakah brah"... We never speak of it._  I didn't think it looked so bad, but maybe I was trying too hard? I thought it added to my hairstyle.

"All you need a snapback and you'll be the gayest thing in school," Chloe broke out into laughter, "You're such a punk ass."

We both laughed all the way to her car.

* * *

"I think Rachel is gonna stay home today. She kept going back to sleep." Chloe said as she turned at an intersection. Dog _, I wished that was me._

Her tattooed arm was hard to ignore. She gripped the top of the wheel as we approached the overflowing traffic. I was staring for a good minute.  _I feel kinda weird, but now I kinda want one... kinda._

"Do tattoos hurt?" That was a stupid question, but it still came out.

"Personally, fuck yeah, but it's worth it. Why, do you want a tattoo?"

"Oh, no, I just looked at your arm and felt like asking. They're awesome, so the question came to mind."  _Half truth, I'm thinking about it right now._

Chloe smirked and said, "Let me know if you ever do."

There we were again, stuck in traffic, surrounded by the sounds of honking and heavy machinery digging into concrete.

"Shit, this bullshit again." Chloe took her hands off the wheel and leaned her head on her window.

"Is it bad that I'm not nervous about being late?"

_Not like before, anyway._  I was shockingly calm; my heart has never been so slow. It was freaking me out, it was a new feeling I didn't understand, but I had to enjoy it while I can.

"Nope, I feel the same way," she replied, "I actually want some piercings. I need to ask Rachel about those."

"Oh yeah? Like what?" I placed my bag at my feet. It was really heavy, I realized, when it fell with a thud.

Chloe hummed, "I kinda want my lip piercing back. A nose piercing would be hella rad, I don't know if I would prefer a septum or something else. I want one on my ear for sure."

Oh right, that was a thing for a little while. She had a single piercing on her bottom lip, but it annoyed her. The thought of piercing anything on my body made me really uncomfortable; it made me actually shiver in my seat.

"That would be way cool. I just need a little push, I think."

"I'll do that. I'll shove you to the fucking ground, too."

I put my hand on her shoulder, "Don't do  _that_  to me."

* * *

We finally arrived to my school and, unlike Tuesday, I was not worried about lateness. I walked slowly to the elevator, looking around at all the posters and student examples on the wall. It was on floor two as well, so I didn't really have to hurry so much.  _My heart's pounding, but it's just what it's used to._

I finally arrived to class and there weren't a lot of people inside. I was given the test right away; it was practically shoved into my hands. I sat next to Evan, who was halfway done. I was confident and told myself  _I can do this_  and _I got this_ , but now, my hand was shaking and my pencil hasn't touched the paper yet. After ten minutes of pretending to skim through my test, I shakily put my name and the date down.

I didn't know anything in that moment. I looked at all the formulas, chemical compounds, grams, and even some questions that required math, and nothing was computing in my brain. To make everything worse, my teacher had this machine for scantrons that stamps all the wrong answers and it was loud. The whirring on the machine and the only way I could describe the noise of the stamp, especially when it was a lot wrong in a row, was like duct tape being extended.

I started to put answers down, not confidently, and I heard the machine go off. Luckily, it only stamped a few times. Uneasiness was still setting into the pit of my stomach.

I tapped my fingers against my table and my eraser. I started with the multiple choice, choosing "C" when I was unsure, and then went to the free responses. Why the hell was there math in this test? I wasn't there when everyone did this and, even though his notes were great, it all left me. More people came into the class, a lot left, the machine was the loudest thing in the world,  _holy shit_ , and I was ready to go die.

In the end, I finally looked up from my paper and I was the last person in class. I was too afraid to get up, but I did, fumbling my steps on the way. I could tell my teacher was grumpy and wanted to leave right away. I watched as the machine turned on, the fan going off in it, and slid the scantron right through it. My heart stopped hearing all the wrong ones; it was pretty much my whole test. The only good thing about this was that no one else was in this room. At the same time, the disappointment on my teacher's face made me want to dig my own grave and die in it. It was a test before the final, but good god, I set the standard all the way down to hell.  _Fuck... should I be mad? Sad? My legs feel weak as hell._

I left the room and immediately called Chloe.

"What's up?" She answered after one ring. She was on break at this time.

"Hey... Can I stay at school for a bit?"

It was probably obvious that I was bitter. I needed some alone and silent time in the library or wherever-the-fuck. Not even the smell or taste of coffee could help.

"What happened?" She asked.

I rubbed the back of my neck, "I bombed my test."

"Are you sure you don't want to go home? To, I don't know, sleep?"

It would be a good idea, but I spent too long at home studying for this test. It would just make me feel bad, if not, worse.

"I need to read something. Something wholesome that was not about food would work right now."

"Okay," Chloe accepted it, "Text me when you want to go, okay?"

"Thanks, bye."

I hung up and shoved my phone into my bag. I trudged to the library, went to grab a book—How to Survive a Horror Movie, it said—sat at the same table where Kate sat, and just rested my head down on my folded arms. I let my bag fall to the ground next to my feet; I was ready to sleep there. I couldn't believe that happened in there and let myself fall flat. Once I sat down, my thoughts started to build up.  _I failed the multiple choice and that should be the easiest part of any test! I got five out of thirty of that shit. The free responses... fuck, I didn't get a single one!_

I sat up straight and start to actually read the book I grabbed. It was fitting to what Chloe and Rachel watched a couple days ago. I got through a couple chapters, a lot of it being step-by-steps and things about the what kind of movie it may be, but I slapped it down and attempted to sleep again.

"Hey Max." Oh, it was Evan again. He sat down in front of me. The table was weird because it was oblong and could sit about twenty students. We were sitting at the very end, making the table look too long.

"Hey," I replied, lifting my head up again, "I heard from the machine that you got a full grade."

_It didn't tick any wrong answers on his test at all! It was basically the answer key!_

"Oh yeah, I killed that test," He whispered excitedly, "What about you?"

"I killed it, too... in a different way."

"What do you mean?"

"I failed it. Like, no question."

"Did my notes not work?" He placed his elbow on the table, resting his head on his hand.

I went down to my bag and took his notes out, still nice and in place as he gave them to me. I slid them to him.

"Do you want to study some time?" He asked.

In that moment, I realized I had forgotten something very important.

"Oh shit," I cursed under my breath, "I need to sign up for new classes when I get home."

We had to sign up for new classes when it was between week seven and eight. And right now, it was Friday on week eight, with nothing.

"Looks like you're stuck with general classes again." He seemed to be rubbing it into my face.

_Wowzer, that really helped. I might have to repeat this class._

"Well, we can get a study group together, still," he suggested, "That scantron machine is rather terrifying."

"I'll think about it," I let out a huff, "I'm sorry, dude, but I need some time alone."

"Let me know, okay? I hope you feel better."

He finally left and I put my head down again. I was so focused on talking to Kate and doing something about that, I completely forgot that I needed to sign up for more classes. I really was stuck. I tried to get four new classes every quarter, but since first quarter, I only had two. I started to knock my forehead into the table. It was gentle at first, but it was progressively getting harder and louder throughout the library. Every time my forehead and the table collided, I repeated  _fuck_  in my mind.

"Can you stop hurting yourself?" I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I looked up and made eye contact with those stunning hazel eyes again. I tried to reply, but I noticed her hair in a loose braid, draped over her left shoulder. It was so strange to see her styled so differently compared to the whole quarter I've seen her. Air was caught in my throat as I tried to focus. I couldn't, though.

"This is the second time I caught you harming yourself," she sat across from me, "Should I be worried?"

"No, you just keep catching me at bad times." I said with a forced laugh.  _Abort, abort, I feel like I'm about to have a stroke._

"Did another vending machine give you trouble?"

She placed her sketchbook and backpack on the table, like she did the other time. I knew her question was a joke; I chuckled along with her.

"Ah, no," I shook my head, "I had a test in my class today and I failed it."

"What's your class?"

"I had Nutrition." I slouched in my seat.

"Do you need tutoring or anything? I can try to help, but I have never taken that class." Kate leaned over a bit.

This was our second interaction, and yet, she only ever smiled. I was melting at the sight of it, but I kept my eyes moving around her.

"My classmate was here earlier and offered a study group. Thank you for asking, though."

_How modest of you, Max!_   _Rachel would slap me if she heard this conversation._

"You're welcome, Max. Any particular reason you're in here? Other than slamming your head into tables." Kate flipped her book open. Before she went onto a blank page, I saw beautiful sketches of women in poses and various storyboard-looking drawings. My eyebrows lifted at the sight.

"The test put me in a bad mood, so I went in here. I studied too much at home and I didn't want to think about food."

"Understandable, I wouldn't want to eat either."

It was quiet between us. I watched her draw different poses and stances, facial expressions, and clothing items.

"What food are you into?" I couldn't fathom why I asked that. I regretted it when I finished it.  _Stupid! How can I say I didn't want to think about food and then ask that?!_

"I drink tea a lot, but I personally love sweets," Kate replied happily, "How about you?"

"Uh, I guess I like fattening foods? Rachel has been trying to get me healthy again."

"You need to be careful then. Don't want you hurting on the inside too." She hummed.

I tapped my fingers against the table to the beat of a clock. I listened to Kate's pencil etch against the paper and I watched her every movement. Her head leaned to the left, her hair was brushing against the other page, and her other hand held an eraser.

"I never got to tell you this, but I like your hair." Kate said that without looking up. I couldn't even get a reply out, I could feel stammering coming at any moment.

I tapped my fingers faster and blinked more to compose myself.

"Thank you," I finally said, "I like your hair like this... Not like I noticed that it's never been like this before! I'm not saying your other hairstyle is bad. I mean, I like the hair bun, but this is also nice!"

I spoke so fast, I don't think Kate caught any of it. For a whole minute, my heart beat pounded against my chest and I heard it in my ears. Suddenly, she lets out a giggle and I wanted to physically fall out of my chair.

"Thank you. I wanted to try something new."

_I need to go, this is too much._ I cleared my throat, "I-I gotta go. I'm sorry to cut this short." She finally looked at me, "It's fine. See you on Tuesday?"

"Yeah," I clumsily grabbed my bag and nodded, "See you then."

I turned and left so fast I barely caught her waving goodbye. When the library door closed, I let out the loudest groan I could muster. I lost myself for a second; I could barely breathe or see anything.  _My heart's about to burst._ I saw another vending machine and kicked it again, but it didn't hurt.

I took my phone out and called Chloe again.

"You said you were going to text, what the fuck?" Chloe greeted.

"I know, I know, but I spoke to Kate, okay—"

"I'm on my way." I can hear Chloe opening and slamming doors.

"Wait—"

"I'm on my way, I'm bringing Rachel. Rachel, come on!"

She sounded distant in the second half of her sentence.  _I guess Rachel's there with her._  I could just walk over, I don't know why she was going to drive.

I just hung up and went to the front of the school. _I love them, but holy shit._

When I saw Chloe's car, it was parked in the middle of the street and it was completely disregarding of other people and cars around it. The windows were down and when it came to a hard stop in front of me, she yelled, "Get in!"

* * *

All three of us were freaking out in the car. We said so many "oh my god", "holy shit", "what the fuck" in that one car ride, especially through the traffic. At home, we ran inside and landed on the couch. We wasted no time getting into retelling the events.  _I don't want to talk about what happened between the end of the test and when she saw me, no offense to Evan, but all of it happened so fast._

"Tell me everything, Max!" Rachel shook me around.

"Oh dog, it was so embarrassing," I groaned, "I was banging my head on the table in the library, she saw me, she sat down, we talked, she laughed, I wanted to die—"

"Why were you hitting your head?" Rachel lifted my bangs, looked at my forehead and pressed her finger against it, "It's red."

I grabbed her hands off my head, "My test earlier. I completely bombed it, Rachel. I hope you're not mad."

Rachel furrowed her brows and she was very hesitant. Minutes pass as she spent more time thinking.  _Was she going to say something or—?_

"Just for now. I'm proud of you for speaking to her."

Chloe grabbed me by wrapping her arm around my neck and then rubbing her fist into my head, "That's my Maxim! She's the gayest one alive!"

All three of us were laughing together and I felt all my stress lift off of me. Caught in between them, they were holding me and I allowed myself to relax.


	7. Chapter 7

It was finally the weekend. I was still livid on what happened in the library. I was up late until four AM, finishing homework  _for real_  and signed up for the two classes, and finally went to sleep when every channel on TV was some paid programming.  _I can't believe that happened. I wish it turned out any other way, maybe never hit my head against tables and my foot against vending machines..._

I was at home with Rachel while Chloe was at work, lazing around on the couch while the TV was on. We were still in our pajamas and paying more attention to our phones than each other.

Most of the time, Rachel was on her Instagram and checking her likes and comments. I was surprised Rachel could stay up to date with her Instagram account; Chloe must have been taking her to more places than she tells me. However, I, on the other hand (and trying to look through Tumblr), was still getting random text messages from a random number.  _Didn't I block it? No, that was a different number and I assumed that was him?_

"Rachel," I put my phone down, wondering if I should block the number, "How do you deal with an ex that won't leave you alone?"

"Like in person or by phone?" She looked at me right away. She was bundled in her oversized hoodie and sweatpants, her hair up in a ponytail and sitting against the very end of the couch with her legs to her chest.

"It's by phone right now. He keeps texting me and asking to hang out." I crossed my arms. I leaned back and saw on Rachel's phone that she was Twitter now. "I mean... I think it's him."

_He never texted me like this before. Asking so many questions, wanting to see each other again, I'm more freaked out than anything._

"You think?"

"I already blocked a number a week ago and I thought  _that_ was him. Now there's this number. It has been bothering me since yesterday." My phone's screen lit up, showing another text message from the unknown number.

"I would block him, or them, whoever it is. How do you know it's him and not some creeper that got your number?"

"Well, the first things it sent were like "miss you" and some lovey-dovey stuff. Plus, he's the only person I've dated, I don't know anyone who would give my number like that."  _I don't know anyone who would do something so shitty. Makes me nervous if I did know someone like that..._

"That's true. If it took this long to text you again, he must still be single too."

It was a possibility. The thought of even seeing him again made my heart sink. It didn't end bad, but I felt like I just lead him on. I left Arcadia Bay to get away from all that shit and if it was following me, I would lose my mind. I took my phone again, went to his number, but my thumb hovered over the "block" option. He seemed hurt enough through these messages, but I never wanted to see them again.

"I can see you hesitating." Rachel addressed it in a worrying tone.

"I don't know why I am."

"Or you know something I don't know. You're dodging eye contact."

_Remembering how I broke up with him is so... awful right now. The older I get, the worse the feeling became. It felt heavy, a different kind. It was like an embarrassing memory from childhood—it makes me want to slap myself!_

"Are you having a fight with yourself or something?"

"Huh?" I snapped out, connecting eye contact again. She had her hand on my shoulder, trying to shake me out of whatever-trance I was stuck in. Her eyebrows were furrowed together, as if trying to find me again.

She grabbed my phone and turned the screen off, "Okay, you don't have to do it right now. Maybe we should do something!"

"What's something?" Last time she made me do  _something_ , I ate at the bar of a club. I didn't hate her ideas, but I wasn't sure if stuff like that were really helping me at all. They were more  _her_ definition of "fun." I attempted and nearly had another panic attack.

"Well, from your tone, is there something you want to do?" She asked with a smile. "Do something that makes you comfortable!"

I thought about it. There were a lot of things that we've done, but not just both of us. We were always three and she and Chloe were the ones who came up with ideas. Having the choice this time, it was exciting yet underwhelming. Since Rachel was walking for high-profile designers and wearing clothing that could pay for my debt, I was curious about her fashion sense. "I kinda always wondered what it was like to shop with you. We could go to the outlet and go into—"

She gasped, gripping my shoulder, "Maybe that's why you're anxious and nervous!"

"Because I want to shop?"

"No, because sometimes people need a new makeover. Maybe the clothes you've had for years remind you of your past and all the bad shit in it. Done! We're going!" She jumped off the couch and went into the bedroom, peeking her head out the door again, "Gonna shower. How do you want to get there?"

"How? What do you mean?"

"Like, walking, bus, Uber, Lyft...? Limo again?"

I was kind of sick of the limo. On a random day like this, riding around in it would be a dick move and annoying. At least to me it was, like we were being show-offs.

"How about bus? I had to use it a few times when Chloe was sick and we could take trains too."

"You got it."

* * *

"You know what? This is hella nice."

We were riding in a cable car, sort of like like a mixed up bus and train, attached to a cable and moved back and forth along a rail. The last time I've used one was when I first moved here, wanting to explore and take any photos to fill a wall at home. I finished it, along with some fairy lights and lanterns, like my room was back in Blackwell.

"You're not worried about being noticed?"

She waved her hand, "Can't run around with a big coat and mask on now, can I. I'm having a good day, so I'll welcome them with open arms."

"I'm a pretty shitty bodyguard, don't you think?"

"Good thing you aren't then, right Max?" She patted me on the back, smiling at me. "You're not obligated to guard me. I'll be fine. Remember the story I told you? When I hit a dude with a wood plank?"

_I can't imagine actually hitting someone... I mean, I nearly shot someone once, but it wasn't loaded! Rachel didn't see that..._

I nodded, "He was gonna hurt Chloe, right?"

"Yup, motherfucker's dead now."

"... Because of the plank?"

"No, he's just dead."

"H-how do you know?"

"Just a feeling." She said it with such a nonchalant attitude, it sent a shiver down my spine. I let the silence set in, trying to take my mind off of what I just heard.  _She's not joking... She wouldn't joke about someone she said to hated so much about being dead..._

I pulled my camera out of my bag, finally seeing a opportunity: Rachel, gazing out the window as cable car traveled, holding onto a silver pole to keep her balanced. There wasn't a lot of people on it with us, so I backed up and steadied myself.

"Stay like that." I spoke up. I saw her hand's grip tighten around the pole, then took the shot. That helped for a moment as I shook the polaroid to dry and develop.

"You know what," Rachel turned around to look at me, "I wanna shop for you. I'm not saying your style's bad or anything! It's getting there, but I wanna get something for you. Even though you're literally wearing the outfit you wore every day at Blackwell today."

I grabbed my jacket, ready to defend myself and my style. I was comfortable—dare I say,  _hella_ comfortable—in what I had right now. I never planned on changing it and I never thought about it, though I couldn't say no to Rachel. I  _did_ look the same from a year ago.

"It feels like I never left."

"Is that good or bad?"

"... Both. It's nice to feel that way, but I remember it has been ten months since we've seen each other."

"That's fair," I laughed lightly. The cable car stopped and we got off it, walking together on the sidewalk. "Alright, what do you have in mind?"

"I have a few ideas. All of them have to do with impressing Kate." She winked at me.

"You should've seen her yesterday. She had her hair in this braid and wearing all black. I was losing my freaking mind."

"I thought you were losing your mind when you were hitting your head, but sure, it was her."

I shrugged my shoulders. _I'm surprised I didn't get a headache from that._

* * *

We continued on our walk towards the front entrance of the outlet, outdoors and semi-busy. Most of the stores were places like Coach, Prada, Tory Burch, and Michael Kors—all places I would never shop in. The outdoor mall was full of people, mostly foreign people from what I could tell from their languages, holding about ten bags in each hand, there with their families, or just alone.

"Okay, let's start," Rachel scanned through the stores left and right as we strolled through the middle, "What kind of style are you looking for?"

When that sentence ended, I forgot who I was. I stared down at my body, looking at my jeans and Jane Doe shirt.  _I just wanted to be casual and comfy, but it made me look very awkward. I might also need a bag that was not a messenger? I didn't know for sure._

Rachel started talking again, "I'm thinking you should try a more skater look right now. Chloe has always been a punk ass, so I'm trying not to copy her style."

"So, more plaid is what you're saying?"

"Exactly, but I know you don't really skate, but Chloe and I can teach that, too. We should order online too! I've seen some cute off-white sweaters you would love."

"That brand costs hundreds of dollars, right?"

"Yeah... and?" Rachel truly had a lot to spend. I thought about it and there were some nice things we could just get online, but what if she turned me into a fuckboy of some kind? Or was it called fuckgirl?

"Are you going to turn me into a fuckboy, Rachel?" I acted appalled.

"Wow, I didn't even realize I was," Rachel cracked up, "If you want to look at it that way, yeah! There's a Vans store, right there, so we're going in there now!"

We ran into the large store, greeted by the smell of brand new shoes, loud music, and went to the women's side first.

"Forty dollars is a lot, but don't worry." Rachel started to look through the racks. I was definitely uncomfortable with that, but she was okay with it.  _That price alone was just for sweaters, what was she going to do?_

We decided to separate and I aimlessly walked around. It was a little packed inside, because Vans always have a two for the price of one for shoes. It was always dark and loud pop music always played inside. I always liked the brick walls and how lots of jackets and backpacks would line them all the way up to the ceiling.  _Everything's so expensive..._  This was going to the most expensive closet I've ever own, thanks to Rachel being so giving. I past the backpack three times before I decided to stay there.

I was alarmed by a few screams, all of which were screams of  _joy,_ which were clearly for Rachel.  _I knew going without a guard wouldn't be so good... I hope she's okay over there._

* * *

I wasn't paying attention to time. In a store like cans, I feel like every person who enters would get lost staring at shoes. There were so many, you couldn't help but imagine  _yourself_ wearing nearly every one of them. I was no different. Mine were so old and torn, just like my notebook.

I heard someone stumbling behind me. I didn't think much about it, as my first instinct was to become anxious and beg to not be interacted with. However, I had to look.

"Max, there you are!" Rachel's arms were full of shirts and flannels. "A lot of their shirts are really cute, but they're called "boyfriend tees" and that's  _yikes_. I found a bunch of these flannels in red and blue. I found some baseball tees and hoodies and sweaters; I can't wait for you to wear them!"

I didn't want to explain how hot it was, but I knew they were on sale and were about seventy percent off. I couldn't say "no" to a sale. If I counted it all, though, it still added up to about four hundred dollars.  _I think I'm lightheaded right now..._

"I'm going to buy these, for now, and keep looking." She took the pile back and then went to the line. I snickered a bit, but I appreciated what Rachel was doing. I left the store for a bit—one of the reasons were I was feeling sick in here—and called Chloe. I had to call her twice because she didn't answer the first time.

"Yeah?" She sounded pissed off.

"Are you okay?"

"Sorry, there was this customer that made me want to lose my shit," She growled, "What's up?"

"Rachel and I decided to leave and we went to the outlet. It took a long time, but Rachel is paying for everything."

"Oh, that's cool."

"Do you want anything?"  _We should get something even if she said no._

"If you want, but I'm happy with everything I have right now."

_It wasn't a no, but we should get something small._  I was given about fifty dollars from Chloe, so I wasn't left with one dollar anymore. Rachel came up to me with two huge bags; she looked so excited from her smile to the shine in her eyes.

"We'll think about it. Gotta go now, we have more shopping to do."

"'Kay, have fun. Pick you up later?"

"Yes, please. See you later." I put my phone back into my pocket. I took the bags from Rachel and I immediately felt ten times heavier.

"I need to go in there one more time. I saw pants and shoes on the way out for the both of us." Rachel was very animated, but it was also contagious. My smile couldn't be helped.

"We should get Chloe something," I advised, "That's what I was talking about with her."

"I was planning on it, but in a different store. Is there something in here you want to get her?"

"I was just thinking of a beanie. I want one too, so could you get two?"

"Yeah, just sit somewhere and I'll be out."

I watched as she went back into the store. I faltered a lot towards a nearby bench. It was empty, thankfully. I sat down, loudly. I took my phone out and went through my apps, greeted by those damn text messages again. It was only the beginning of our spree and I could practically replace all of my clothes. It felt so nice to be treated so well, but at the same time, it was a heavy burden too.  _Would she still treat me like this if she knew I was still hiding Chloe's problem?_

* * *

It was another thirty minutes before Rachel came back out again, holding three bags. I could tell one had two boxes in it. She plopped herself next to me; she was still smiling widely.

"Being recognized is tiring sometimes." Rachel flipped her blonde hair. She placed the bags on the empty seats next to us.

"I can't imagine," I sat up straight, "Must be annoying sometimes too."  _I wouldn't know what to do if I was recognized all the time... I would be way more stressed than now, that's for sure._

"That hasn't happened yet. When I'm irritated or it's, you know,  _the week,_  I won't leave home. I wouldn't want anyone to feel like I hate them."

I nodded, "I would do the same. So, where to next?"

"I need to go to Versace and Lacoste," she stood up again, "I want to buy Chloe some nice outfits for dates I want to take her on. I'll go to Jimmy Choo and Gucci for myself at the end."

I was rendered speechless by those stores being named so casually.

"By the way, Max, I think a better word to describe your style is just being a tomboy or androgynous, even."

She was doing that to me and Chloe. I was going to surprise myself when we went back home, but I ended up looking into the bags within the thirty minutes she was gone. I was actually pretty into it; I think she was just getting me away from the hipster style as much as possible, though.

"Alright, Max," Rachel grabbed two bags, "Let's go."

"Hold on," I took my phone out again, "Strike a pose, Rachel Amber."

She did multiple ones, some she obviously learned from modelling and some she just did awkward poses with two heavy bags.  _She looked great either way, if it were me, all of them would be bad._  I put the camera and pictures away and grabbed the other three bags.

* * *

It was a path in the order she named them. When I went into Versace, I felt like throwing up. The prices ranged from as low as three-hundred (for coin purses) and as high as three thousand (for pants). I was intimidated by the name above the opening, black and bold, and it was all gold inside. I couldn't stand being inside because I didn't belong there. Rachel was looking around, got recognized once again and was apparently given a hefty discount. She was looking at pants from a rack next to a mannequin; it was black and looked to be skin tight.

"Do you know Chloe's size?" Rachel asked me.

"Uh... tall?" I choked.

Rachel laughed out, "I know it. I was just testing you."

_Wowser, Max... you failed a test... again._

She ended up with the pants (six-hundred and ninety-five dollars) and a black watch (one-thousand, three-hundred and ninety-five dollars).

"You okay?" Rachel placed her hand on my back. The bags in her hand hit me in the butt.

"... This is a lot of money you're spending." I was barely functioning.

"I'm barely making a dent. I've been checking my account all day."

How much did she have to spend if it was barely?

"I went through hell and back for this career, you know?" She sat down at a bench and I followed her, placing the bags on the floor.

She continued after a deep sigh, "When I met Chloe, she was going through a lot of terrible shit. She thought everyone was out to get her and that she was driving everyone in her life out. And you, I can see you still trying, to this day, to redeem yourself for shit you did. Chloe is a lot more grateful than you think. I admire that and I admire her for getting here. She has changed a lot for good. I just want to spoil you guys because I feel it's deserved."

I nodded as she spoke. Rachel was an amazing person. She was charming and she just knew how to connect with everyone. She wanted happiness in general and did a lot in order to help herself and us. I hoped I didn't look like I was taking any of it for granted.

I finally smiled, "I'm sorry, Rachel. I do love everything you're doing. Even when our furniture is complete garbage."

"Is it really complete garbage if it makes you happy? I don't know about you, but I'm hella happy there.  _Way_ happier than being in New York."


	8. Chapter 8

For the rest of the trip, I only got down what she bought: Lacoste polo and belt, Jimmy Choo heels, and a Gucci leather jacket. I couldn't name all prices, but I'll always remember it all costed five thousand dollars. That made me lightheaded as hell and I'll never understand how she could spend so much in one day.

Our hands were completely full. It was the most exercise I've had in a year; Carrying all the bags felt like carrying a whole elephant in my hands.

"Did that help you forget about the texts?" Rachel flung the bags in her left hand over her shoulder.

"Huh?" For a second, I really didn't know what she was talking about. I had to wrap the question around my head to remember what she was talking about. "Oh! That!"

"I guess it did."

Clumsily, I switched all my bags to one hand, nearly falling to the ground, and managed to call Chloe again.

"Hey," Chloe answered right away, "I'm in front of Gucci."

"Holy shit, we just came out of that." I said.

"I'll drive closer." she hung up right after.

Rachel and I walked to the street, where the parking lot was, and saw the matte finish car coming up.

When it parked in front of us and Chloe came out, her eyes widened at everything we had.

"Holy fuck, did you buy the whole store or some shit?" Chloe grabbed the ones in Rachel's hands. She gave her a quick peck on her lips and started placing everything in the trunk.

For some reason, my heart skipped a beat watching them. I don't know what the feeling was, but maybe... jealous?  _I could be. I barely started talking to Kate..._

"I bought you guys new closets." Rachel said confidently. "Mostly Max, but bought you a lot too!"

"I said it was fine. You didn't have to buy me things."

"I know, but I wanted to."

Chloe put the bags I had into the trunk and shut it loudly, "Alright, time to head home."

* * *

Chloe and Rachel spoke to each other in the front seats. It was about her day, Rachel's time at the outlet, what clothes we got, and going out tomorrow. I stayed out of it. They were a happy and normal couple, talking about normal things, and there was me, who looked on. Maybe it was jealous and I wasn't admitting to it yet; I stared at them with the overwhelming feeling.

Back at our place, we all stumbled as we got out of the elevator with the ten bags we had. When we got in, we scrambled to the bedroom and threw them onto the bed.

I went to the kitchen, out of breath and feeling my stomach growled.  _I wish we had time to eat at the outlet._  All I grabbed was water. Chloe went into the bathroom, after saying that she needed a shower for later. What was she going to do later? I had no idea. Rachel was in the living room, turning the TV on to Fox and it was TMZ. She probably worries a lot about showing up on it. I grabbed two water bottles instead.

I sat next to her—on the floor, not the couch—handing her the other bottle.

"Thanks." she said and watched the commercial.

I was curious about something. Rachel only briefly talked about how she gained the fame she had. When I compare her to other runway models, she wasn't as tall or as skinny as everyone else. Yet, she showed up on high fashion shows, fashion magazines, commercials for makeup and hair, and had millions following her on her social medias.

We heard the shower stop and Chloe came out, her hair was still damp. Her outfit was just thrown on and it showed enough skin for the warm night.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Dana called earlier and she had to teach me how to do everything," Chloe forcefully put her shoes back on, "I said it was fucking stupid, but it was important. So, I have to go now to watch and learn."

"You'll be back in the morning?"

"Yup. Luckily, it's a busy night and I have no work with crabby old assholes tomorrow." She gave Rachel a quick kiss on the lips and then ruffled with my hair, "Love you, I'll see you later."

"Love you too." Rachel's eyes were stuck on the TV.

"See you." I waved.

She left, slamming the door and locking it. I never watched TMZ; I was never into celebrity news. But, what caught my attention was a picture of Rachel taking up more than half of the screen.

"I saw Rachel Amber at HUE sf last week, with two other girl friends." It cut to a video of all three of us going inside, including her greeting everyone in the line. "She was seen dancing with one of them on the floor and it was getting  _a little_  touchy." It cut to a video from afar and zoomed in on Chloe and Rachel grinding and dancing with each other. The video couldn't capture the same feeling as being in a club for real felt like. The overwhelming, adrenaline-filled emotions couldn't be captured, making their dance  _awkward_ to watch.

"Do you think she's actually gay?"

"I mean if I saw a girl that close with another girl, I would assume so. Or just real drunk."

She only laughed.

"Okay, okay, now everyone knows I'm really gay," She turned to me, "I went out a lot with Chloe and that's all they have? I wasn't being  _that_  discreet about it. I need to check my Twitter after this."

I stayed quiet. Every other person would be freaking out right now, but Rachel was such a carefree person. She was going to say it outright and then let it be. If it were me, I would be freaking the hell out.

"I can tell there's something on your mind." Rachel put her phone into her back pocket.  _Is this what being famous is like? Is it just melodramatic and it's really just like this?_

"I've always wondered how you got here," I shifted in my seat to face her, "In your career, I mean. If it's touchy, I'm sorry, I know you talked about it before, but I'm curious."

"You're hella nosy, but that's why I love you. Some of it is a little blurry for me," Rachel turned the TV's volume down, "My manager is hella awesome. She took a chance on me and made me work my fucking ass off with classes on walking and posing and how to carry myself. She taught me a lot about being independent and being extra sneaky. She was really strict, especially about Chloe, because I was going to be away a lot and being gay is never talked about. She was just looking out for the both of us. But, what I'm trying to get at is, I always did two-hundred percent more than everyone else did. I don't look like anyone else, but I did everything more and better almost, and that's what attracts people."

I tried to think of ways that could apply to me. Work my ass off and work two-hundred percent more than everyone else. It would be a good mindset to have for school right now. Especially right now with the bad test grade. It could make me more confident and help me talk to Kate, even.  _It'll be hard... I wish I could wake up and just be able to talk to people! Just... be normal._

"You're an incredible person, Rachel," I smiled as I complimented, "I'm grateful to have you in my life and Chloe is beyond grateful, whatever that word is. Usually by now, Chloe would be out drinking and then come back to go out cold. But, she would cry about missing you."

_Now is a good time to mention it, at least. I hated saying the second part._  I spent a few nights comforting her and helping her sleep again, and the fact that Chloe has no memory of it, it made those nights surreal. Those times when she would rest her head on my lap and cry on and on, me trying to say something, but she wasn't listening to me or even herself.  _I don't know if I should ever bring it up to her_ ;  _every time I try, my words get caught..._

Rachel looked like she was caught off guard by that statement. Saying it aloud, it was bad. Like, it was an understatement the whole time in my head. I froze in my seat and we stared at each other. Neither of us knew what to do, except sit in silence and stare each other down.

"Do you want me to talk about it with her?" She sounded ready to cry.

I pressed my lips together, "If you don't mind."  _I feel bad... All Rachel wanted to do was be with us again and be happy. I feel like I made a mistake._

She turned the volume back up again. We watched the TMZ segment until it was a commercial again. I couldn't stop looking at Rachel as she started to become aloof and distant. I've seen her like this before. She had her arms crossed and her knees up to her chest, her eyes wide toward the screen. I took a hard gulp.

"Do you want to model the clothes or order more online?" I asked her first. I was sick of watching TV and I hated seeing her like this. I was afraid she was going to snap at me or raise her hand, instead she looked over to me and then smiled.

"I'm offended you think that I wouldn't want to model," Rachel stood up and stretched her arms, "Let's wear these clothes."

* * *

"Work, work, work, work!" Rachel cheered me on as I attempted to do a model walk out of the bedroom with my new clothes. Every time I took a step, "work" would be chanted.

I went through the many shirts, sweaters, and hoodies already. It was fun to listen to Rachel's compliments and fixing anything on me that would make the outfit better. Right now, I was wearing khaki jeans for the first time, one of the black "boyfriend tees", and a red-and-blue flannel tied around my waist. I put my hair up again, even though my undercut thing was growing fast.  _It's all new to me. Some of these clothes are way out of my style._

So far, it has only been me trying on the new clothes. I watched as Rachel had her hand on her chin, pondering something as she looked me up and down.

"Maybe it would look a little bit better," Rachel got up and rolled my sleeves, "if we did that."

It was a whole new style I wasn't familiar with. I was really into it; it would just take some time to get used to.

"Too gay," Rachel rolled them back down, "That was too gay."

"I look like I know how to skateboard, but that's a fat lie." I couldn't stop looking down at the pants, mostly. Californian styles highly influenced Rachel, as she was from Long Beach, and it showed.  _What was the Oregon style anyway? Was there one at all?_

"Girls are into that," Rachel encouraged, "And I could totally shave down your undercut again, if you want."

"That would be nice. Maybe I should look gayer." I rolled the sleeves again. I felt gayer just doing that.

"I'll fix it when you're done modelling, get into the next outfit, girl!" Rachel pushed me back into the room again.

Even I was starting to get a little excited. It took a moment to take the pants off and put another pair on. It was black pants, apparently the ones used specifically for skating, and a white hoodie. To add to the skating effect, I put my hair down and put the black beanie on.

I walked out, followed by Rachel's clapping and whooping. I did a few poses for her, but they were slightly exaggerated. I felt weird about getting all the attention; I almost kinda liked it. Like a proud mom, she took pictures of me on her phone, saying how I was "doing hella great."

I fall onto the couch right next to her.  _I actually feel good right now, wowser._ "Okay, your turn to model something."

"Don't mind if I do," she goes into the room, "Prepare to be amazed!"

Chloe and I had to watch some of her fashion shows on YouTube and they were pretty interesting. Rachel had a stronger presence than everyone else and wore the clothes with such confidence and pride. She was in the Fashion Week shows and we wished we could have seen that. We saw plenty of videos and photographs with her in it, which Chloe stared at. For hours.

Rachel came back out, wearing the leather jacket she bought from Gucci, ripped black jeans, and a strappy white bralette under. My mouth might have been hanging to the ground, because she laughed as she looked at me. Rachel has gotten in shape and had well-defined abs, making the outfit a lot more jaw-dropping. "This jacket was meant for Chloe, but it looked good with these shoes." She showed off her Jimmy Choo boots.

I knew that jacket was too big for her. She said she went into Gucci to buy something for herself, guess she changed her mind. Or, maybe she meant to share it. Whatever it was, it was too big.

Knowing full and well Chloe would love to see this, I took my phone out, "I'll send a pic to Chloe. Give me your best."

She gave some "jacket off one shoulder and thumb in belt loop" poses, pretending to put her hair up in a ponytail, looking into the distance while her jacket fell to her elbows, and one close-up of her winking and sticking her tongue out. I took as many pictures as possible for every pose. Everything about it felt so  _natural._ I rarely worked with taking portraits, or people at all, and working with Rachel was inspiring me to do more of it.

"Which one should I send?" I asked her as I looked through every one.

"You don't want to take one together?" She took her phone she left on the couch, sitting next to me again.

"I think she would prefer to see  _just_  you."

Rachel pouted, "Come on, one couldn't hurt. You're hella cute."

I sighed, avoiding to fall for her for one comment, but I smiled and nodded, "Just one."

Rachel took selfies constantly from what I saw from her account, but since she arrived here, it was only been her food and the nicer areas we go to.  _She might be saving them for a something special._  I sighed in my mind.  _Rachel's so pretty and taking a picture with her made me feel unworthy and bleh._  She had her arm around my shoulders and we just smiled for the picture. She clicked the button two times; she seemed satisfied.

"Okay, give me your phone." She put her phone down again and held her hand out, expecting me.

_I need some shots of her with my instant. Some professional photos would be so rad._

The moment my phone touched her hand, she began to search through the plethora of photos I took. "I really like all of these," she groaned, "I can't choose one!"

I took about ten of each pose, some of which were blurrier than others, "We can just choose one of each and send those ones."

I was stuck with an iPhone 4 and couldn't stop admiring Rachel's iPhone X. I wished I had a case on mine. She seemed to have a million different ones from designs of red roses, cherry blossoms, marble, and a bird with its wings outstretched.

"That's such a good idea," she started to delete duplicates, "I'll find my favorites."

I figured then was a good time to grab my instant camera and start taking more photos. By the time I got back, she deleted them already, left with four photos.

"Do you do that with your selfies?" I asked.

"I'm going to let you in on something," Rachel put her voice low, like a secret I shouldn't know, "Every model I've ever met does this. I only do it sometimes. Edit their face and everything, it's not shocking anymore. Okay, I think I've chosen my photos." She handed my phone back with a pleased smile. "This is hella fun!"

"It is! I'm having way more fun than I thought." I only text Chloe, " **Hey, we did a fashion show."** I added an emoji at the end to irk her a little. I wanted to wait for her reply to send the photos.

"Now," Rachel opened a browser on her phone, "Do you like these clothes or do you love these clothes?"

"I love them, Rachel. I'll need to repay you sometime."

"Don't, it's fine, I'm happy buying you these things."

My phone vibrated.

**NO EMOJI**   
**Must be hella fun. You're learning from the best**

Some things never change. I sent the pictures; her reaction could be anything. She must be bored if she answered so quickly.  _I bet she wanted to come back home the moment she stepped out._

"How bored do you think Chloe is?"

"She must be hella bored." She said it with a small chuckle, but there was worry too.

For the next half hour, I told Rachel about how I wanted to take more photos. She posed on the couch and had such poise and energy coming off of her, I couldn't stop taking pictures. It was close to one AM when I was done and let them develop. While the TV was mute to focus on the photo session, Rachel made me play this game while different shows were on, making me say what I  _thought_ they were saying. It was fun, but I was still awkward and more forced to be funny. She suggested to try again, but the chances of that were second to none.

"I think she's speechless." I checked my messages again and it was still the pictures. I was proud of myself and the camera for taking them so clearly.

"I hope she's okay," Rachel looked over my shoulder, "I wouldn't want her crying in the club."

Like magic, Chloe finally text back. She sent a picture, the one that goes "have you ever seen a woman so beautiful you started crying?"  **Wish I could leave.**

I was ready to show Rachel it until she sent another text.

**Fuck it, I'm going r** **ight now.**

_Whoa, is she cereal? I mean, she should be! She would totally leave for Rachel._

I hesitated, but showed her the messages. Chloe wouldn't want me to do that, but she would get a kick out of it.

"You really did it now." I forced a chuckle, taking quick looks between her and my phone.

Her eyes widened, probably in shock, surprise... maybe turned on, I wouldn't know. "It started sweet. What is she gonna do, cry on me instead?"

"At this point, your guess is as good as mine."


	9. Chapter 9

The both of us just turned the volume up on an old school Disney channel movie—the one about mermaids. It was still at the beginning when the main character's birthday was starting.

This moment was a waiting game. I watched the time on the cable box go by more than the actual movie.  _Why am I anxious? This is something between Rachel and Chloe!_

"You know what, you go change," Rachel directed, "I have a bad feeling about this."

I didn't protest. I changed into my comfy pajama shirt and shorts and got the couch ready for me to sleep on. In that time, Rachel was helping, yet was also slightly nervous-looking. She sat down again on top of my blanket, letting out a sigh as she took her shoes off.

"Why do you have a bad feeling? Do you know what she's gonna do?"

"I just  _know._ She's gonna do something, I swear!"

I took her word for it, feeling nervous for her.

* * *

It wasn't until a quarter into the movie we heard the door unlocking. Rachel was alarmed and watched the door's lock jiggle around. I was only worried if Chloe couldn't open it. I gulped, feeling scared for nearly no reason.  _It looks like something important. She's so anxious to get inside, she can't open the door._

The door swung open, hitting the wall, and Chloe marched in, shutting it, placing her keys in her back pocket, and then finally taking her jacket off.

"Chloe, you're back so soon, what brings you here?" Rachel acted like she never saw the texts. She stood up, putting her jacket back on and covering her torso. Suddenly, Chloe dropped her jacket to the floor and went up to her, abruptly grabbing from the waist and lifting her off the ground. Rachel let out a squeak, and then wrapped her arms and legs around her to hold on. Something told me they've done this before.

Chloe stayed silent as she proceeded to go into the bedroom.

"Max, don't come in!" Rachel yelled. After that, the door closed. I only snickered to myself before I raised the volume up again. I became too comfortable in bed, so I decided to brush my teeth and went to sleep.

Yet, I couldn't. I was unable to sleep, not because of them or the TV, but there was this nagging feel hitting me against my side, like it was trying to tell me something. It was so annoying and I flipped around on the couch about ten times. I sat up, sitting crisscross and rubbing my eyes until I saw colors.  _What is it? I wasn't jealous of them; I'm_ _perfectly fine, I think. Is it subconscious? Is my brain kicking itself because its human couldn't talk to a girl she liked? Was I secretly hating myself? It has been a while since I liked someone so much I could barely look at her. Damn it, I should have asked for Kate's number before I ran off._  I couldn't help but think that she hung out with me just so I didn't give myself a concussion.

_This fucking sucks._

I rested my arms on my lap, slouched over and staring down at the floor, trying to get the feeling away from me. There was something wrong or something wrong close by.

It couldn't just be her. Sure, I was a gay wreck, but I was managing! I was pushing myself too hard. There was something else that wanted my attention.

* * *

It was fair to say I got no sleep that night. Before I knew it, it was nine AM and I was still in the same position, thinking the same thoughts. The bedroom door opened, prompting me to turn my head towards it.

Rachel stumbled out, limping and disheveled looking, almost hitting into the dining table and chair on the way.

"Good... morning?" I wasn't sure if it was a "good" morning for her either. It was a slow reaction, but she looked at me and then smiled, weak yet genuine.

"Morning, Max." She approached me and fell into the seat next to me. "It's a hella good morning."

"Was it now?"

"I experienced something  _insane_ last night. Holy shit, I've never seen Chloe like  _that_ , you know what I mean? We fucked, but last night we  _fucked._ She  _fucked_ me up and... I'm never leaving, ever again."

"Maybe you should dress in expensive clothes more often?"

" _Oh yeah,_ " for a small second, her eyes rolled back. "Anyway, what about you? Did you sleep good?"

"I couldn't," I shook my head, scratching my head, "Not because of you, I was up all night."

"Are you okay?"

_I could just lie. It's the only night for this to have happen, so it's not that important!_

"Yeah, I still feel fucked up about that stupid test from class. I still can't believe I fucked up that badly." Even as I was saying it, the feeling persisted and it bothered me in the back of my mind. From her face, she was half-convinced and half-worried about me.

"Max, you're fine!" She grabbed me into a hug, forcing my head into her chest. "Tests are hella stupid and if you think you're dumb for that test, you're not. Are you sure it's just the test you're upset about?"

I nodded.  _There's talking to Kate, going outside, talking to people in general_ _—I'm upset about a lot of things. The test was the last thing on my mind._

"You should sleep right now then. You know, staying up all night could fuck you up."

"I'm used to it!" I tried to get out of her grip, but she pressed my cheek into her chest even more. It went from comfortable to weird in one action.

"Nope, you're not drinking a gallon of coffee to wake up. You're gonna sleep for real and you're not gonna change my mind."

I groaned, as loudly and as obnoxiously as I could to annoy her, but I knew she was serious when she laid down and kept me in her hold. I gave up, forcing my eyes shut.

* * *

"Does her anxiety seem more... severe?"

The question barely registered in my mind. It was close to going through one ear and out the other, like useless or unimportant information. Rachel sounded upset, but I was unsure how to react as she petted and stroked my hair like I was a cat.  _Stay still... act like you're still asleep._

"She's still Max to me. I dunno, why?"

"She was sad earlier. She said it was about the test, but I know that has nothing to do with it. I could tell when someone is lying from miles away and she was. I would hate for her to hide things from me. Or, from us, even."

"Oh," A hint of worry and a pause came over Chloe's voice, "Shit, I dunno how to deal with that kind of stuff!"

"We talk to her, first of all..."

"We're gonna talk about our feelings? Like, for real?"

Rachel just sighed in reply.  _Just keep pretending to sleep. It's nice to know that Rachel cares enough._ Chloe was trying too, though we both showed our emotions differently, it was weird for her.

"Hey, Max?" Rachel shook me around to wake me up. I acted—poorly but acted—like I woke up in that moment, yawning and fluttering my eyes open. "We need to talk."

We sat up and I was stuck in the middle of them. "How are you?" Rachel asked, landing her hand on my knee. "In terms of like, your mental health."

_It's slowly getting worse and it's slightly dictating my life, thanks for asking._ I couldn't believe I got through a whole year of art school already. To be honest, about only half my brain worked, and only more of it would shut down when I was talking to someone. It was bad enough having to speak up during class, but when having to speak to Kate, the feeling was  _so_ different. People felt nervousness or butterflies, it was a normal thing to feel, but I felt a hundred times that, maybe a million. I pretended to be okay, that was how I dealt with it.  _It hurts a lot. I tell myself I'm normal, Chloe and Rachel tell me I'm still Max, and all that stuff about how I'm not my mental illness._

"You can tell us, you know that, Max."

"Yeah, CarMax, what she said." Chloe pulled me into a side hug, wrapping her arm around my neck.  _She's trying, but she's choking me._ I pushed her arm off, but she kept touching me.

"It's... there, I guess." I made out, but I gripped Chloe's hand the more I said something.

"Okay, what does that mean? Is it getting worse? Better? The same? Is something making it worse?"

_Worse, I think. Because I'm not paying attention to it._ "The same."

"Is it Kate?"

I stared down at my feet, my mouth drying up immediately.  _Feelings are confusing. I'm supposed to like the feeling of like her, right? You're supposed to like it!_ "Maybe? I-I don't know, everything feels the same now."

"You're going to be okay, dude!" Rachel hugged me too, landing her head on my shoulder, "Feelings are hella crazy and weird, but they're great! Maybe they mix together and become some big fucking mess, but it's good! Is that it? Maybe... the phone number?"

"What phone number?" Chloe's grip tightened, enough to crack one of my fingers. She muttered, "Shit, sorry."

"She mentioned a number recently and how it might be her ex boyfriend or some creep, but she hasn't blocked it."

"That geeky guy?" She sneered, flicking her head in disgust, "Why did you like him anyway?"

_What a loaded question._

"That's not the point. This is about Max right now."

"Right, sorry."

"We need to go out today. Something to help get things off Max's chest."

_Isn't that what we did yesterday? Isn't that what the shopping was about?_

"Where? My idea's going to a hill and fucking scream... there aren't any hills here."

"Well, what do you think a good place for us to go that screams "Max?'"  _Why are they talking like I'm not in the room? What the hell are they planning?_

They smiled at each other, devious and had a plan brewing in their minds, then smiled at me.

* * *

"Did you really have to blindfold me?" All I knew was we were in Chloe's car and I was stuffed into the back again.  _It had to look like they kidnapped me! It's the middle of the day, I'm wearing Rachel's scarf over my eyes, I could feel us stopping and speeding... It feels so wrong._

"It's a surprise." I could practically  _hear_ her smile. "You'll love it. Come on, going out, it's a nice day, not giving a fuck—"

"—being blindfolded, in a rundown, garbage car." I finished her sentence. "... No offense, Chloe."

"None taken, but fuck you."

" _Anyway,_ " Rachel stretched out way to  _waaaaayy_ , "We're taking you out again, maybe hop around again like before! You liked doing that with me."

"That fucking sucked, Rache."

"Chloe, shut your mouth."

I crossed my arms and pressed my back into my seat. I tried to picture the road: lots of cars, lots of stoplights, steep hills for roads. I couldn't remember all of San Francisco, but I had a vague idea. I could picture what the front seats looked like: Chloe driving with one hand while her other gripped Rachel's. Hell, I could barely remember all of her tattoos.  _Chloe seems okay. Maybe a little irritable because she's going cold turkey. Did Rachel want to do this to stop her from even trying? Am I irritable too? Anxiety could do that, sometimes. It's unbearable; Just talk to Kate! You know, like a person?_

"We're here!" Rachel cheered as I felt the car come to an abrupt stop. I heard the door open, shut, and then mine open. I was hit by heat from the sun and felt Rachel's hands pull my head to untie the scarf.

I was blinded by the sudden light in my eyes. I squinted, blinked, and became disoriented in a matter of seconds.  _Let there be light, but holy shit._

"Here we are!" Rachel's hands directed to the building we were parked in front of—a frozen yogurt parlor. It was pink and blue and it proudly displayed how it was self-serving.

"Frozen yogurt?"

"Nothing like stuffing a cup full of yogurt and toppings to forget those feelings." I could tell Rachel wasn't familiar with eating feelings away, judging how forced her voice sounded. I mouthed, "right," and we all walked into the parlor.

The place was cold, enough to see our breath as smoke, giving all of us goosebumps. It was a quick interaction between Rachel and some of the employee, so we weren't inside very long. Like Rachel said, we stuffed our cups (along with a few inappropriate jokes from Chloe about stuffing), about three to four flavors, and sat outside to eat under the pink and blue umbrellas.

I averted my eyes away from Chloe as she seductively licked her spoon in Rachel's direction. And in turn, she returned the gesture.  _I am... not okay with this._ Then again, I thought about Kate while I was there. I remembered she said she liked sweet and I was willing to bet she has been here before. The thought made me feel better, allowing me to eat.  _But if she has never been here before, I want to take her first._

"Is this the only place we're going?"

"Nope, we have plenty of places left."

_Places for me or places for you two to have a date? I feel like somewhere deep in their plans, they wanted me to third wheel. That's probably not on their mind at all, but... what if._

* * *

I was relieved we never went shopping again. It was helping me to believe they really intended to make me feel better. It was more travelling, blindfolded again because why not. The last place took a while to get to, at least that was what I thought, I nearly fell asleep.

"Okay, we're here!" I was jolted awake by Rachel's voice, feeling a rough stop and hearing the doors fling open. When my blindfold was taken off, I was expecting to be blinded by sunlight again. Instead, it was already nighttime, right next to my school.

"I thought this was to help me relax."

"We're not here for your school, you dummy." Rachel shut the car door for me. "We're here to help inspire you."

Looking around, the streetlights were lighting the way, the inside of buildings were showing through the windows to reveal thriving businesses, there were cars still filling the street, and people were still outside. It was still Sunday night, so everyone was still out and about.

"Inspire?"

"Yeah, little photographer!" She reached over and ruffled with my hair. "What's better than nighttime? Kind of edgy, yet mysterious, even with a lot of people here, huh?"

I thought about it and, to be honest, she was right.  _I never go outside so late. I'm so forgetful about homework. I still inside a lot, but being here was nice for once._ On top of that, I had Rachel Amber, one of the top models in pretty much the whole world (if not,  _the_ top), as a model. I took my camera out, feeling a surge of motivation I needed.

For an artsy touch for all the strangers, the pictures were made blurry and out of focus on purpose, for more "mystery" and to not piss anyone off. I only took pictures of the back of people; I'd hate to start a fight for a photo. As for Rachel, of course, she posed and used her surroundings to create an alluring shot. Chloe tried her best to pose and play along, but she was stiff and was having a hard time looking natural.

I was so immersed into taking these photos, my back ended up bumping into another stranger.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry—"

My breath caught in my throat. I wasn't expecting anything or anyone in particular. All warmth left my face, eye stuck wide, mouth stuck hanging, and my heart went a million a minute. I was stuck, like I looked into the eyes of Medusa.

"Max?" I heard him say. Emotion and memory were hitting me all at once. I felt anxious, angry, sad, mixing together in my stomach. Flashes of black and white around me, wanting to show me memories.  _No... no, I don't want to remember. I can't. I shouldn't... This is stupid. Say something. No, don't. It hurts so bad._

"Max! Hey, it's me, Warren, remember? Hey, are you okay?" The figure in front of me was blurring, features and details were disappearing. His voice became distorted in my mind.  _Stupid! Max, you're stupid! If you hadn't called him that day, you wouldn't feel like this!_

"Hey fucker, get away from her!" Arms grabbed me, shaking me around. Colors moved in front of my eyes, my feet and hands felt like a million pins were poking into me; my knees were falling weak.

"Max?! Max!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey! Don't worry I'm still alive! So, every chapter has been written out and this'll be the final edit. Sorry for the wait! Thank you so much for whoever was patient and, if you're new here, hi!  
> Enjoy!

There was yelling when I came to again. My head was pounding, my vision was blurry, and my entire body felt so numb. I was disoriented, still trying to catch up with that I saw.  _Was that…? It couldn't… But, it could be._  I stayed still as my hearing was becoming clearer. Rachel and Chloe's words were becoming audible.

"Don't fucking do that right now!" Rachel was furious, a growl in her throat.

"I'm fucking angry, Rache! That fucker thinks he could just walk around here, around Max, like it's okay!"

"Max needs us!"

"I need this! I fucking hate him!"

I turned my head towards them, squinting my eyes. In Chloe's hand was a brown bottle, a familiar glass bottle of beer she always drank.  _Shit... I need to get up._  Everything hurt so much; I could barely move my arms.

"Max?! Max, we're here." I felt Rachel's hands on my face, trying to get me to wake up faster.

"W-wait…" I groaned in pain.

"Chloe, put that shit down!"

"No, fuck off!"

The sound of glass shattering and breaking broke the whole room. Rachel screamed out as the glass shattered, as if throwing it with all her strength.

"What the fuck, Rachel!"

"You can't do this while Max needs our help!"

"I needed that!"

"Max! Needs! Us!"

The fight escalated, it became louder, the words were merging, and all it sounded like was gibberish. I got up, forcing myself, to get them to stop. I wanted words to come out of my mouth, but nothing wanted to. The fight led to Rachel groaning and storming off into the bedroom. Chloe followed as they continued to yell at each other, still clear after they slammed the door closed.

* * *

It was quieter now. Rachel and Chloe were not talking, but instead, spoke just to me. It wasn't ignoring each other anger, they still shared the bed and were still in each other's presence, but they weren't speaking. I felt like a child stuck in between my parents' fight. I wanted things to be better right away, but there was anger all around us. There was a stain of beer on the wall to prove it.  _I wish I knew what to do. All I can do is let them figure it out on their own._

On Monday, I told Chloe to take me to school. I spent a majority of my day on campus, printing and running around to talk to professors. It was getting closer to the end of the quarter—finally on week nine—and then every student gets a week off. After running around so much, a week off was calling my name. It helped that I finally got coffee from Chloe at lunchtime and I was able to do everything without getting sidetracked. In the end, I ended up in the library, actually reading the book I took last time I was there.

March was getting warmer; I wished I wore the sweatshirts Rachel bought for me. I just wore for the weather, even put my hair up so I wasn't so sweaty or in the way of my eyes. I kept my earphones in, listening to Tegan and Sara, and tapped my foot to the music.

I saw Kate walk in, but went through the aisles rather than come to me like last time. I could see her in the aisle in front of me and saw she grabbed a book and held it to her face. I took my earphones out and continued to watch to see what she was gonna do. She started to peer over her book, looking at me and then hide in the book again.

_She was making fun of me for what I did the first time._  I was laughing too, but another part of me felt humiliated.  _It did look ridiculous._  Except, I knew she was doing it purposely. She laughed and then came over to my table.

I shook my head. "Ha-ha, very funny," I said to her first, "I didn't know it looked that bad."

"I didn't think it looked bad at all," she sat down across from me, "It was just clear that you wanted to talk to me."

She was still rocking a braid and a black shirt with a little pocket on the side. It had a little cartoon dinosaur poking its head out of it.  _That's cute. It's like her to wear that._  I tried not to look for too long, because I would look perverted. My eyes guided up to her eyes again, passing what I saw was a gold necklace poking out from under her shirt.

She opened her sketchbook to a new page.

"Big horror fan?" She asked. She started to sketch out someone.  _I don't know who, though, but it was someone in this room._  There were about fifteen people inside studying; It could be anyone.

"You could say that," I looked at the cover, "You're not?"

I felt calm again, not thinking about humiliation or shame, unlike the other time I spoke to her.

"I'm okay with them, but I get scared easily." She was getting through her drawing fast. I wasn't surprised that she would be easy to scare.

"So, what do you like?" I asked instead.

"I love animated movies. Both full length and short films." She started to shade and add small details. I just nodded. She started to lift her sketchbook to the point I was staring at the black cover.

It was only pencil scratching when we both focused on what we were doing. I put one earphone in, just in case she was gonna talk again. It wasn't so quiet with the sound of Chvrches in one of your ears. I could see her taking quick peeks at me, but chose to ignore them.  _She couldn't be drawing me; I wasn't pretty enough to be drawn._

"What major are you, by the way?" She spoke again.

"I'm in photography, but minor in design, that's why I'm in Fundamentals," I closed my book, leaving my thumb in so I don't lose the page, "Judging by you drawing and being into animation movies, you're in animation."

"I like to make it obvious," She puts her book down, turns it to face me, and pushes it, "What do you think?"

It turned out to be me. It had my shirt with the exact design on my sleeves, my hair was exactly how it was styled and how messy it was, and even had my freckles on my face. I was holding my book, but I wasn't reading it, but I was looking forward. I was looking at her.

"Wowser," I breathed, "That's amazing. You did that fast."

"Thank you," She leaned over to look at it, "I usually never draw them so fast or so perfectly."

S _he made mine perfectly? I couldn't stop looking at every part of it._  It had wrinkles in my shirt, thin strands in my hair that were not in place, shadows placed and shaded perfectly, and even the book was detailed with the cover.

"Why did you draw me?" I asked. It could just be because I was the closest, but I couldn't help but ask.

"Well, when I see something pretty... I have to draw it right away," Kate said very timidly, "I didn't want to draw you the other time; I didn't want to creep you out." My heart skipped a beat. I avoided looking at her as I push her book back. I avoided any words, because everything I wanted to say was jumbling together. I looked for a second; she had a small smile as she flipped the page.

_I think you're pretty, too. You're sweet. Stop it, you're making me blush._  I screamed in my mind.

"T-thanks." Was what I uttered out.

"You're welcome."

_I don't know if she was referring to drawing me or complimenting me._  We sat there silently for five minutes. I kept reading the same sentence over and over and she was drawing again. What do you do in this situation? I've never been in it before; I was spiraling into gay panic.

"This book is getting boring." I grimaced at it. It really wasn't, but I wanted the silence to stop.

"Would you like me to suggest you one?" She asked. She was still smiling; It made me smile too.

"Like what? Goosebumps?" I closed the book completely and set it down in between us.

Kate put her pencil in the dip of her book and went through her backpack, "If that's what you want."

"No, I'm down for anything." I waited for her to take whatever book she had out.

"I finished this one recently," she took it out and handed it to me, "I really like it."

The cover was a book sleeve. There was a girl in a tank top and shorts standing on top of a messy bed, her back towards me, and was colored in pink. Everything else on the book was blue and black; there were white dots scattered around like snow. "We Are Okay," by Nina LaCour.

"What is it about?" I flipped through it.

"It's about a girl in New York and then her friend she hasn't spoken to in months goes to see her," she explained, "That's all I can tell you, though."

"Is it in this library?" I didn't want to assume she was letting me take hers.

"I'm not sure," she was looking at her phone, "But, you could borrow mine. I finished it pretty fast."

Okay, never mind.

"I have to go," Kate started to pack everything, "My friends want me to go with them to Starbucks. Do you want to borrow it?"

"Yeah, it sounds good," I nodded, "Do I come back here if I have a question?"

It was just a joke, but it would be nice to see her again, more often at that.

"Um," she stood up, "Sure, I feel that's best. Any question you have at all, just come back here. Or in class, or just anytime you see me. So, I'll see you soon, okay?" She waved her hand and left.

"Yeah, see you later." I waved back. I knew I had a dumb grin on my face, but I didn't care. I stared at the book, which was in perfect condition. I grabbed the first page and started to read it.

* * *

I was there until six PM; evening classes were at this time. I packed the book into my bag and then left out into humid weather. The sun has already set, but when the sky was blue, red, and yellow, covered in cirrus clouds, it was a picture opportunity I couldn't miss. I angled myself to get a perfect and balanced mix of colors and when some birds just happen to fly across, I took the shot. It felt good to use my Polaroid camera again. I grabbed the picture and shake it like I usually did.

I put the camera and photo into my bag and took my phone out. I called Chloe, she should be out of work or getting ready to. I called to make sure.

"Hey Max, manager is making me work over time," Chloe seemed tired and defeated, "You can come over, but you have to stay a bit. Rachel went out to some last-minute interview thing."

"No, that's fine. Why are you working over?"

"There were some customers I went off on and now I'm doing all the cleaning. Fuck, come if you want, I'll see you." Chloe hung up before I could say anything back.

There were some cars coming up and parking, some cars dropped off students, and some students were even running. I let out a yawn as I walked along the sidewalk.

At Starbucks, I stayed standing up because all the chairs were flipped around and on the tables. There was still another worker, the store manager, texting on his phone. I watched as Chloe cleaned and washed all the utilities.

"Chloe, I'm leaving it all to you." The manager left the keys at the pickup table. He looked a little older than us, but kinda nerdy and did not look like someone who would confront Chloe.

"I thought you said you were going to watch me." Chloe was still angry.

"Ah, I got things to do."

"It's fucking Monday."

"Do you want me to stay here?"

Chloe scoffed, "No. Fine, I'll close this place."

"Thanks, see you tomorrow. Get up early in the morning to open and set up." He left nonchalantly and left the both of us.

I walked closer to the counter, "Are you sure he's the manager?"

"I ask myself that a lot." Chloe went back to drying blenders.

I chuckled, "What did you do to customers? You mentioned it earlier."

"Fucking hell, this one motherfucker just wanted a latte, right? I make the shit and then he fucking spills it on himself. He tried to blame it on me! I don't hand them to people, I leave it on the table! I was ready to fight him. He was trying to be a big fucking guy, but his bitch ass bought a latte at Starbucks two shot espresso shit! I called him out on his shit, but I yelled at him in the middle of service, fuck this smile and walk away crap!"

She threw the blender into the sink, clattering against the metal and other blenders in it. I could only blink.  _Her anger from the fight might've been projected onto them…_

"Sorry, man, there's more but I'll save it."

It was quiet for a while, except for Chloe's heavy breathing. After some time, Chloe spoke again. This time, she was calmer. "I saw Kate here," Chloe walked over to the front counter with a rag, "She was sitting with three other girls. She sure loves those cake pops; I think she ate like a thousand."

I chuckled at the exaggeration, "Oh, yeah, I knew that. We were in the library and then she had to leave."

"Alright Super Max, I see you," Chloe had a smirk and then looked over for a second, "Anything, I dunno, gay happen?"

"She drew me. It looked just like me, too. It was crazy! I wish you could've seen it."

"Proud of you for hanging out with her and not dying!" She held her fist out and I quickly went up to her and bumped our knuckles together.

We laughed together. Her face then fell, into a mix of a sad and angry expression, looking down at the counter she was wiping down.  _Fuck, I have to think of something. Something, Max, to make her feel better._

"Want to do something fucking crazy?"

She paused, then smirked, "I'm listening."

"Um, there's a blender, here are ingredients, cameras are off," I named off, Oh dog, what am I saying? "Are you getting what I'm saying?"

It was usually Chloe who had crazy ideas; the first time was at Blackwell in the pool. It was a similar situation: we're in a place after hours, she had the keys, and she had her mind.

"Well, fuck it. Welcome," Chloe greeted as she opened the employee door, "this is my personal hell."

"You say that about a lot of things." I reminded her.

"This is top tier personal hell."

I couldn't stop looking the espresso makers, grinders, pots, and presses on both counters. I would go crazy if I had to stare at these shiny machines for hours on end. I applauded her in my head for dealing with this job for a year.

"It must get annoying to use all these every day." I touched the espresso machine, observing the buttons and handles.

"Yup, I wonder how I get through a whole day. I used to switch with someone, but here I am."

"I remember that. Are you being overworked?"  _Doesn't help her stress at home too. I wonder what she's thinking right now._

"To be honest, I don't even remember how this happened."

"You need to tell that to someone. I'm totally fine with you quitting and then getting time off."

"I need more time with Dana. Being there and watching just reminded me of learning this stuff. At least she was cool with me leaving before."

"She was?"

"Yeah, I walked out there too, but she said it was fine. I just have to go again on Saturday again and then the next night, I do it myself and the owner will be there. I'm really tired."

"Would mixing things in a blender help?" I asked.

She paused, "... Maybe."

"I'm thinking of grabbing ingredients and blending them with no cap on the thing."

"That's evil, I love it." She stopped everything she was doing and ran towards the fridge.

* * *

It was so evil, yet it ended so fast.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Chloe yelled as she turned the blender off. Everything was covered in all the different coffees, milks, whipped creams, and yogurts we threw in there. We were both covered in the mixture from the waist up. The counter, the walls, and little splatters everywhere covered in this horrible idea.

"That was hella rad!" She cheered. She was jumping for joy as she looked inside the blender. We started mixing everything into liquid first and then we took the cover off.

"We have to do that again!" She grabbed my arm.

"As much as I would love to, now we have more work to do." I wiped my face as much as I could.  _If only Rachel could see us now._

She rolled her eyes, but groaned, "Fine."

"I'll help." I continued to try to get the mess off me.

For the next hour, we were scrubbing everything down and making sure we got every spot. It was turning eight when we finally left.

"Shit, we gotta go." Chloe started the car. I got a call on my phone from Rachel; I answered it right away.

"Hey, where are you? I thought you'd be home now." Rachel sounded more normal than worried.

"Chloe and I are at Starbucks, had a terrible idea, and we had to fix it." I said as general as possible.

"Tell me all about it when we're home," she was still not bothered, "I just left my interview and I'm just... UGH!"

This day was a roller coaster, but at least in the end, I got to hang out with Kate and Chloe got to do something crazy in a place she hated.

* * *

We met up with Rachel at the apartment. Coincidentally, she was just getting out of her Uber when we arrived.

"What are you guys covered in?" Now she was concerned. She was still in heels and a pencil dress.

"Sweetness, want a taste?" Chloe teased. Rachel held her hand out, stopping Chloe's advances. It sounded like not even Chloe wanted to say that.

She shook her head, no flirty remark or smile to be seen, "We need to get in. These shoes are killing me."

We did so, Chloe called shower first and Rachel took over the couch. She let out a groan as she fell onto it. She took off her heels and yelled out, "Thank fuck!"

I just sat down on the floor, my back against the couch by Rachel's head.

"You should tell your story first." I said to her.

"I was called in by my manager today for an interview. I was okay with it at first, I was like "sure, I haven't been doing anything." So, I was given the location and shit, made myself look pretty, and I was ready to take some questions. I wish, I swear to god, I wish I could've slapped her. I was okay with confronting the gay rumors, like fine, but if it's every single question, I will not take that."

_Managers just weren't shit today, weren't they? Everyone is so stressed today._

"But," she let out another sigh, "I kept my composure. That's going to air soon. Now, what happened with you?"

"Chloe's manager made her work overtime after yelling at some customers. We were left alone at the place and, for whatever reason, I said let's fuck some stuff up with a blender," I turned around to look at her, "All the stuff got on us and everything around it, so we cleaned for an hour."

"What was the stuff, exactly?"

"Coffee, milk, yogurt, and whipped cream," I named off, "There were other things she wanted to use, but we compromised."

"I wish I was there instead. You guys are always having fun."

"Cleaning that was the worst. And then, Chloe has to open tomorrow, she'll have to be up even earlier!"

"This day has been all bad, hasn't it?"

"Well, not all bad, I hung out with Kate today! It wasn't interesting or anything, but it happened!" _I sound so… pathetic. In a lonely way._

"Good on you, Max," Rachel laughed, "Anything happen?

"Hanging out in the library again; Kate drew me too. It was awesome."

"Good job. It makes up for ruining the shirt I got you. I didn't really like that one anyway."

"You don't think the flowers looked that good?" I looked at my sleeves.

"It's not that. It's just not you. It was worth a shot to try it out."

I was glad she wasn't super upset. If it was a shirt she did like on me, she would tear me apart. I've seen her angry before and I would like to avoid it as much as possible. At least it didn't get on my pants.

"What questions did they ask at the interview?"

"I told you. They were only about me and Chloe at the club and at dinner, which good on them for getting other photos. I guess I have to come out now. Hey world, I'm bi! Take a good look."

"I'll yell too if it makes you feel better." I gave her a side smile.

"You know what? It would." She smiled back at me. The shower finally stopped. It was another thirty minutes before Chloe came out in a loose black shirt and shorts.

"My apron is fucked." She said firstly.

"You think yours is bad, look at me." I stood up and took off my beanie.

"Look on the bright side..." She stopped her sentence and only nodded.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, I just didn't want you to feel bad anymore."

I could only shake my head and laugh, "Well, my turn now."

* * *

It felt good again to be in my hoodie and sweatpants. I had to wash my beanie in the sink, so that was a loss. I bundled up the shirt and threw it away; it was nice while it lasted.

I left the bathroom; Rachel had changed, but she was back in the same position on the couch. Chloe sat on the floor by Rachel's feet. I sat in the same place I was and watched what was on TV. Huh, TMZ again.

" _Who is this chick that Rachel Amber has been seen with? For the past couple of weeks, she has been seen with this blue-haired punk rock girl out and about in San Francisco."_

_"She's on a break right now. It could be some little fling for the time."_

"Rude, we've been together for almost five years." Chloe snapped at the TV.  _They can't talk to each other's faces._

"This show really is something. They usually confront you directly." Rachel pointed out. That was true, then again, this was news that had no details.

"Do you people recognize you at work yet?" Rachel tapped Chloe's shoulder with her foot. Chloe shoved it away and caused the both of them to chuckle, but it ended too soon.

"Nope," she replied, "What the hell do you do then?"

"Just reply and then walk away. You could do that."

"Can I just tell them to fuck off?"

"You could."

_I don't like this. They're not looking at each other. They're not close to each other. Their conversations feel forced. I can feel so much unspoken anger._  The feeling so overwhelmed me, I had to leave the room. As soon as I closed the door, they spoke again, in an angry tone, getting ready to start their fight again.

I was so tired, I just grabbed Kate's book and read through it. I couldn't deal with them anymore.


	11. Chapter 11

I didn't mean to stay up all night. I meant it when I said I was going to read. Yet, there was a hint of fear. Fear they were waiting for me to sleep or they were going to fight the moment I was gone—which they did. I was feeling anxious, wanting the yelling to stop.

It took a long time for it to stop. It became quiet, which I should be grateful for, but at the same time, I didn't know what it meant. By the time it was morning, I was on chapter twenty-nine.

It was like an alternate universe.

Even though Chloe was still on the floor and Rachel took the couch, they were holding hands in their sleep. I would say "aw," but the circumstances were unpleasant. I walked in, setting up mugs of instant coffee for all of us. Everything felt a little off, but I knew today was gonna be better.

I heard Chloe yawn and stand up, hearing her back and knees crack too. She cursed to herself, whispering it under her breath.

"Morning, Chloe." I grabbed one mug and handed it to her.

"Hey," her voice was still raspy. She grabbed it from me, instantly taking a gulp, "Did you sleep at all?"

"Not really..." I shrugged, sipping from my own cup, "I was reading all night."

"Holy shit, how are you alive?"

"I don't think I've felt alive since graduation." I chuckled into my drink, but she didn't really laugh. "It's a good book."

"Whatever you say, Max. Are you sure it's just the book?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like, you were up for the book and just the book?"

_I was really worried about you too. You're having a falling out right now over a beer bottle... And your obliviousness to your alcoholism._

"Yep," I nodded, forcing my smile, "Just for that."

* * *

Leaving Rachel to sleep, we left for our day. I had an actual class to go to, but because yesterday was a mess, I wanted nothing to do with work. Construction was finally gone and being six o'clock, there was not a lot of people outside. It was so calm,Chloe kept the radio off. It made us notice that the roads were clear, the birds were chirping, and the morning was comfortably warm. I even lowered the window and hung my hand out of it, surfing my hand through the air.

"Are you fucking delusional right now?" Chloe said with a huff at the end, "How are you hella awake right now?"

_Am I? I mean, I guess it is weird, now that she told me. I'm still yawning, so I'm not confident about it. I could fall asleep at any time today._

"Watch me fall asleep in class today." I laughed at the thought.

"Wish I could, but I have a job to do." Chloe was irked about it, it showed through her face and her tone. For the rest of the drive, I continued to feel the wind through my fingers and she rhythmically tapped her fingers on the steering wheel.

* * *

At the school, there was no one in sight. In fact, it looked like school wasn't in session for the day.  _I wish that were the case, but the truth is no one in their right mind would go to school early._  I knew the library would be open, but that was it.

"Have fun reading for two hours." Chloe set the car on park. I chuckled and hopped out of the car, going straight into my school. Like I said, the library only had one person in it and it was the student behind the counter.

"Damn, you're crazy coming in this early." He said to me, taking off his headphones.

"I should be saying that to you." I countered.

He had a hearty laugh and said, "Touché."

I took my usual seat near the entrance and decided to finish the last chapter of Kate's book. I saw it was lengthy and didn't want to read it at home, especially not after the shit I pulled. _I wonder if Kate was the type to come early. She seems like she does, because she's always in the classroom when I get there._  As I read the same paragraph repeatedly, trying to focus, tiredness hit me like a semi-truck. Through will and perseverance, I made it through one page. I was reading the next line when it started to all blur together. I squinted my eyes, but I started to feel lethargic, eventually falling asleep with my forehead smacking against the table.

* * *

I woke up, my body was shaking, and I heard a gentle, whispering voice. I felt a hand against my back, moving me just hard enough to wake me.  _Please leave me alone, call me when the week is over._

"Max, are you okay?" I heard. I let out a grumble; I didn't want to wake up, hell no. I moved my position to face away from the voice, ignoring the voice, even though it was an angelic sound.

"Max," the voice sang, "Wake up."

My eyebrows furrowed, annoyed and irritated, but I lifted my head up. My only reason for that being to make the person stop and possibly go away.

"What?" My throat was a little dry. I rubbed and blinked my eyes, only to see Kate looking down at me. She still smiled back, shocking me awake with her gentle stare. I noticed bags under her eyes and they were even a little puffy.

"Did you sleep last night?" She asked as she sat across.  _I want to lie. You know, just be "college made me this way, but I can't leave." I couldn't lie to her face, not with a face like that._

"Honestly, no," I yawned again, stretching my arms behind my back, "I spent all-night reading your book."

I checked my phone; only one hour had passed.

"You didn't have to do that."

"I know, but I wanted to."

_I dunno why she was so worried about me._  She had puffiness and eye bags, which told me she didn't sleep either. Crying, so it seemed. Kate had a messy hair bun, and her clothes looked slightly wrinkled and she was too covered for the weather. She was looking down at the table, rather than at me, and her smile had vanished.  _I don't want to bring it up… but she looks like she's been crying for hours._

"Do you like the book so far?"

I cleared my throat, "Yeah, it's really sad, but it's good."

I saw the corners of her mouth lift for a second, then fall again. It was making me anxious, almost. It was clear she was upset and have been for hours. I knew the feeling—wanting people to notice I wasn't feeling right. At the same time, I didn't want people to ask. It was a weird feeling, but I could tell that was how she was feeling.  _I could say something… I never know how to word it. I barely know her._

"How much did you sleep last night?"

"Only about four or five hours," she rested her arms on the table, crossing them, "That's normal for me."

I slouched more, trying to get her attention again.  _I thought she was an early sleeper._  She made eye contact with me and then blinked a few times. She seemed lost today; it was like she was looking right through me.

"Do you really want to go to class today?" I pressed my hands on the table.  _I wouldn't mind missing class. I usually miss Nutrition, but missing Fundamental Design once wouldn't hurt._

She finally smiled and let out a giggle. She waited for me to say something, trying to hide her shy smile, maybe wanting to hear more.

Feeling somewhat confident, I wanted to persuade her, "I'm going to be honest here, I need to sleep. I'm down to miss if you are."

"I rarely miss anything," she lifted her arm up, resting her chin on her hand, "and I don't believe you've missed any sessions for this class either."

"You're very observant." I slid my hands down, sitting up straight again.  _She noticed me a lot more than I thought…_

"Tell you what, I'll go to class and you can sleep in here. When it's done, I'll come back and tell you all about it. Does that sound good?"

I sighed with so much relief, slouching in my seat.

"You're a life saver, Kate," I folded my arms on the table and lied my head down onto them, "I owe you one."

"No need," she shook her head and stood up, "You need sleep more than I do. I have to go; see you when class is over."

I think I knocked out instantly once she said that.

* * *

Although I did that, I was in and out of it. I woke up after every hour had passed. At one point, I saw Evan walk by with a group of people, but I went out like a light once again. It was a weird feeling, because I wanted to, but then again, I was sleeping  _at school._

I had a strange dream and there was a lot of rain and bright lights. The lights blared into my eyes, making me sit up abruptly, looking around in complete confusion. My feet felt like a million pins were pricking into them. I didn't even realize that Kate was sitting across again, looking with wide eyes at me, clutching her sketchbook to her chest.  _That was weird… That dream made me feel like shit…_

"Sorry, Kate, I hope I didn't scare you." I rubbed my forehead.

"It's fine," she set her book down, "Did something scare you?"

"Just a weird dream," I dismissed, "What time is it?"

She checked her watch, "It's five-thirty."

"Shit, you weren't sitting here the whole time, right?"

"I... I did sit here the whole time." She dipped her head down in shame.

My shoulders dropped and let out a groan, "Kate, you didn't have to sit here for six hours for me!"

Our voices were low, but even I heard the mild frustration in mine. The both of us had our arms on the table and leaning over closer.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't want you to wake up and think I just left you here!"

_I can't be mad at her. I'm not mad at all. I feel grateful just hearing her say such a thing._  I chuckled, shaking my head at her, "Thanks for that, Kate, but next time, I'll be okay here."

She smiled back, but replied, "I refuse to acknowledge the second half of your sentence."

I nodded, ultimately okay with that, "Then, how was class?"

She scooted her chair in and interlocked her fingers in front of her, "We started the final today. It has to do with a fortune cookie and we have to draw out our interpretations from the little fortune. Don't worry, I brought you one." She reached into her jacket pocket and took out a fortune cookie still in the plastic packet.

"Oh, thanks." I grabbed it from her. I started to pinch at it, hearing the plastic crinkle, realizing how bad of an idea that would be. I just left it on the table.

"You're welcome. Are you going to start when you get home?"

"No, will you?"

"I already finished," She now had a confident smile, "I will, however, draw different variations and pick one I like."

"Wowser, you're like a machine."

"You say wowser a lot?"

I could feel the teasing in her voice.  _W_ _hy did I become nervous from that? I always said that._ "Yes, in fact, I do. Are you gonna laugh again?"

"No, it's cute. I like it."

I watched her as she looked down and pressed her lips together, as if she was holding something back.

I got a text on my phone.

**Chloe: Max I'm outside. Made you coffee.**

At least she got to leave work early. There were other texts like  **you sleep?**  And  **damn class hella boring?**  But I was asleep through both. She was right, but I missed out on going to class today.

I chewed on my cheek; I didn't want to leave yet, even with promised coffee.

"I gotta go." I said, disgruntled.

Even Kate looked a bit upset too, "Oh, really?"

"Hey, I don't want to leave either." I placed the book back in my bag and grabbed the fortune cookie. I slung my bag across my body, but I didn't leave yet. It was awkward as I stood up again.

Kate and I looked around awkwardly and waited silently.

"Well, I guess I'll go now." I took short and slow steps backwards.

"Yes, you wouldn't want to waste any more time to sleep." She somehow found something positive.

I was resisting, but I finally turn around and promptly left. I speed-walked out and went to the front immediately. I practically jumped into Chloe's car; I somehow scared her.

"Holy shit, Maxi pad, what happened? I was waiting for your text in the afternoon and never got one." She grabbed her phone.

"I fell asleep in the library. Kate was there and we just talked."

Chloe could only let out a scoff and pinched the bridge of her nose, "You're lucky I love you."

"Love you too."

* * *

When we went into our apartment, we were met with silence. I was worried, wondering where Rachel went off to without telling us about it. I shouldn't have felt that way, but it couldn't be helped.

"Oh, yeah, she had to leave again." Chloe mentioned, tossing her apron onto the couch. "Another stupid job shit thing. She texted me earlier."

_That's a good sign!_  My mood was lifted immediately after hearing that, tossing my bag next to the couch, skipping into the kitchen for food.

"I'm hella fucking glad I worked half a day today." She said through a yawn. "Manager had a damn heart after all."

"That's good," I popped open a bag of chips, placing one on my tongue, "Can I… ask you something? I dunno if it's weird, but—"

"Dude, just ask."

I took a deep breath, _it's okay, just ask._  "What do I do now? Like, with Kate, I mean."

"That's all you, Max. Rache and I can help build your confidence or what and how to say things, but how slow and fast you want this to be is up to you."

"Up to me, huh?"

"Yeah, I mean, I didn't know what the hell I was doing with Rachel and, look... I hate us fighting too."

"Have you... you know? Today?"

She shook her head, brushing her hair back with her hand, "Drinking? Hell no. As much as I want to... Just one sip?"

"No, can't let you do that."

* * *

I did my homework outside on the coffee table, so I could watch Chloe. I was annoyed with my assignment, because my fortune was something stupid about life goals and following them. I was having a hard time focusing and coming up with good designs.

Before I knew it, Rachel came home. It was the same as yesterday: she was still wearing her nice outfit for her job and we looked like garbage. Chloe sat up immediately so she could sit down next to her, falling heavily into the seat.

"How was wor—"

"Fucking shit." She replied without making eye contact with me. I let silence fall on us, but it was tense. I felt like I couldn't breathe in that time or else it would interrupt.  _I'm losing my mind a little bit… This is really… something else._

She huffed, smacking her hands over her face, muffling, "I'm sorry. I'm just really tired."

"You should go inside then." Chloe stood up, lending her hand, "Come on, I'll even carry you."

Another tense silence. I watched behind me as Rachel's eyes looked at her hand, up to her face, and then back at her hand again.

"Let me watch a little bit, okay?" Her voice was gentle as she spoke to Chloe. Turns out, there was a movie playing on our TV. She sat down again and Rachel rested her head on the other's shoulder. "Thank you." I cracked a smile and went back to my work.

And we did just that. I was constantly looking up and down, with one earphone in, to watch along, and checking up on the two behind me. They stayed awake and were watching like I wasn't there. We finished the movie, which was called  _talhotblond_  and it had an insane plot twist. When I checked my phone to change the song, I noticed it was one AM.

"You sleepy now?" I heard Chloe ask. Rachel hummed, I assumed she meant yes.

"Okay, you head inside first."

Rachel left the room, trudging into the bathroom first. Shutting my notebook, I mustered enough energy to crawl onto the couch, sighing in relief as soon as I got comfortable.

"You know, there's some shit bothering me right now." Chloe placed her elbow on the armrest.

"W-what's wrong?"

"I know… I know I drank a lot before Rachel came. Like, a lot. There are so many bottles in the fridge. I always feel like complete shit the next day, now too and I'm not even drinking, but it's different from being hungover or whatever. Do I do something weird when I'm hella drunk?"

Chloe was clearly upset about it; I could see it in her eyes.  _Fuck… I… I can't say it. No, don't say it. But, they already fought about it…_

"What makes you think that?"

"I hate fighting with her. I already said it, but it fucking sucks."

Only things like "um" or "I..." could only come out.  _This is a lot. I don't like this feeling._  The bathroom door opening interrupted the tense atmosphere. Rachel saw Chloe right away and folded her arms.

"Chloe Price." She said.

"Rachel Amber." Chloe replied. There wasn't a reply after that. They simply left into the bedroom, leaving me alone.


	12. Chapter 12

Because of the quarter nearly ending, I wanted (needed, but wanted made me sound like a better student) to go back to school, even though I didn't have classes. I had a goodnight's rest last night, so when I saw happy Chloe and Rachel again in the morning, I was confused. Not that I questioned it, I didn't.

We ended up wearing a black and red flannel, which I took a picture of, and drove off to my school.  _Maybe they were happy because Chloe didn't have work. Maybe they did something last night. Whatever it was, they were happy again._

"Hey Max Payne, I'm going to cut my hair again tonight, you want yours?"

"Why not, I grew attached to it." I smiled.  _I must say and quote them, it gave me confidence._

"I'm telling you, you're on your way to tats and piercings."

"Catch me on a good day and I just might."  _Maybe not the piercings, though._

Throughout the drive, I decided to take pictures of Chloe and Rachel from my seat when they were rocking out or just doing things like holding hands.  _It's like I'm in the Twilight Zone or something. They're so… happy._ They acknowledged the sound of my camera going off with saying "what the hell" but went back to what they were doing.

We stopped a few blocks away into an available parking spot. At the school, Kate was sitting on the curb, distracted, and drawing something in her book. I had no expected to see her outside, but I was happy to see her nonetheless.

"Should I honk?" Chloe had her hand ready on the horn.

"Chloe," Rachel smacked her in the arm, "Don't be an ass."

I got out of the car and skulked my way over to her through the bike lane. I leaned over to see what she was drawing, but my shadow scared her and quickly held the book to her chest.

"Oh, Max, it's you." She sighed in relief but kept the book to her chest. She looked a lot happier than yesterday. Right when I was going to say something, Chloe honked her horn. I twisted around and saw that the window was rolled down. She was in the street and causing build-up behind her.

"Text me later!" Chloe yelled. She and Rachel were waving their hands goodbye as she drove off. I huffed out my nose and shook my head.  _They're like embarrassing moms._

I sat next to Kate, a few inches away, "Are you drawing the buildings?" I wouldn't have been so brave to sit on it, but I convinced myself that we were safe. I took my bag off and placed it behind me.

"Yes," she kept it against her chest, "I always draw them." She answered very quickly and I found it weird she was secretive about it.

"So, you have class today?" Kate slammed her book shut and rested it on her lap. It scared me and I saw in her eyes she blinked at the sound. I didn't see a hint of the page.  _Oh, nosy Max, when will you ever stop trying to look through people's things?_

"No, I just want extra credit." I admitted right away. "I mean, shit, I'm lagging behind."

"Watch your mouth, Max."

"What?"

"Don't say swear words."

I felt my mouth twitch and I held in my laugh. Kate hit me on the arm and I wanted to burst out even more at the mad face she was making.  _Keep it together, Max! She does look cute when she's mad._

"Max, I'm serious!" Kate whined.

"S-sorry," I said through a snort, waving my hands at her to stop hitting me, "It's not funny! It's not!"

I took deep breaths in and out, but I still wanted to cry out.

"Do you just stay under the shade before class?" I sighed and cleared my throat. Our school building was casting a shadow over us from the sun and it was cooling, because we were both wearing long-sleeved shirts.

"Yeah, when I'm not seeing you in the library, I stay out. Plus, I'm tired of whispering in there."

I pulled my knees to my chest, "I was okay with it, but this is better."

Kate was smiling wide; it was almost like she was glowing. It was contagious and I smiled back, "Do  _you_ have class today?"

"Yeah, in the evening, but I like fresh air too. Was the other girl your roommate? With Rachel?"

"Chloe? Yep, partner in time from high school. It's been kind of rough since they've been fighting."

"Oh? About what?"

"Just, you know, couple stuff."  _At least make it believable…_

She blinked at me, as if processing and letting the sentence go through her mind. She smiled again, shrugging her shoulders, "Must be tough being a third wheel."

"… Sometimes."  _What did that mean? Why did she look at me for so long? Not saying anything?_

I continued, "What about you? Roommates, I mean."

"I have one roommate. She used to never talk to me, but we're getting along now. I don't want to bother her so late; she talks about beauty sleep a lot. She's actually the one braiding my hair lately."

"She changes it for you?"

"Yeah, I don't really mind."

"She seems nice. She goes here?"

"Yeah, I stay at the on-campus apartments," Kate nodded and pointed off to the right, "She's in the same major as you."

"Oh, maybe I'll meet her eventually."

"I hope she won't be too scary. She's rather mean, if I'm honest. She's blunt and crude, but she's warming up more now. I've noticed she's nice when talking about Rachel Amber."

"Big fan?"

"Huge fan, yet jealous of her too. But, she keeps talking about her. She still doesn't believe that I've met her."

"Yeah, living with someone famous has been… interesting, to say the least."

"Oh yeah! I already knew about Chloe! I've heard and seen all about them. Or, what happened recently at HUE. What happened, anyway?"

"They just wanted to have a good time. I was there, but I guess they were dancing too close. I don't know, media's making it blow up out of proportions."

"Are they going to come out or anything?"

"Maybe soon?"

_Should I mention her religion? I was freaking out about it before… It's an innocent question._ "Actually, Rachel told me you were religious. You're not asking because...?"

"Oh, no! I'm completely accepting of gay people." She waved her hands, defensively. I squinted my eyes, trying to read her body language again. She was a little too flustered, even though the question was about her being gay.  _I mean, that's good, at least._

"I'm Christian, but not radical." She shook her head.  _I couldn't just ask if she was gay, not even indirectly, as much as I want to._

"Huh, I never got into a religion."

"Your parents weren't?"

"I just never went to a church or considered it. Don't worry though, I won't be all like hardcore "ew" or anything. I respect your beliefs."

"I won't force it on you either. I never did that before."

_Shit, I really can't tell if she was gay or if she's just being really nice._   _I have to stay hopeful. Rachel will kill me if I showed even a little bit of giving up._

"Oh, I still need to finish your book!" I reached into my bag and grabbed the book again.

"Are you going to read right now?"

"Yeah. Do you want me to read it out? It's the last chapter." I flipped it open.

She twirled with her braid, smiling sweetly, "Sure."

I smiled and cleared my throat.

* * *

For the next thirty minutes, Kate listened to me read slow and stumble on words. It was an emotional chapter and my voice was trembling. I could see Kate in the corner of my eye, now she was the one holding in laughter. I finished reading the last sentence, closing it, and then groaning out my emotions.

"Are you okay, Max?" She rubbed my back.

"This is a beautiful book, Kate." I handed it back to her, sniffling.

"I'm glad you liked it. Would you like another one?" She took it from me and started to put it into her bag.

"I'm not ready."

She giggled, "It won't be a sad one next time."

I rubbed one eye and stared down at the concrete. I looked over at her; she had bright pink cheeks and a tender expression on her face. My heart was about ready to explode. She didn't have redness or puffiness around her eyes anymore. In natural light, hazel eyes turned into a shiny honey, bashful and glinting.  _That's the gayest way to describe someone, but… it still doesn't do it justice._

"You're pretty..." I accidentally muttered.

"Thank you," she placed her hand on her cheek, "Gosh, you're making me blush."

_Did I just… Did I just say that? Like, it seriously came out of mouth and she said thanks to that? Am I dreaming? Maybe I should pinch myself… Wait, it's not, shit. Wait—_

I looked at her again, but she was on her phone. "M-my friends need me right now in the green screen room." Kate put her phone away and then grabbed her sketchbook again.

"Oh, for what?" I put my phone into my lap.

"They need some help setting some things up," She stood up, "Sorry to cut this short."

I did the same, "Don't be, it's okay."

I was holding my camera in my hand, letting my question bounce around in my mind.  _Well, maybe one photo of her couldn't hurt… It's an awkward question though! Just ask!_

It was starting to get quiet again, so I let the question out, "Hey, can I get a picture of you? I wasn't sure if you were okay with me taking random ones."

"Oh no, it's fine! You want me to pose or are we taking one together?"

"Maybe just a pose first. Like, when I first came, you were sitting on the curb with your book."

Kate did so, getting back into the same position she was, opening her book to blank pages, and taking out her pencil to draw random circles. Checking if it was safe, I stepped back and angled myself to get a correct composition. There was something perfect about it: her in the center, her peaches and cream skin tone, her all black outfit, clearly in her own world, the gray building and bright blue and clear sky in the background, and the bright red "no parking" curb contrasting everything else. I took the shot and let the Polaroid film come out.

"You'll just need one?" Kate closed her book again.

I grabbed the film and fan it to develop.

"That's all I need."  _That was my lame attempt at flirting, even I didn't know what that meant._

"I have to go, though, so show me when we meet again?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Alright, bye Max." She jogged into the building.

I took my phone out and text Chloe. I had this overwhelming feeling of satisfaction; I couldn't get the stupid smile on my face.  _Okay, keep cool, Max. Forget about going to school today._

* * *

"What the fuck, I thought you were doing school shit?" Chloe kicked the door into our apartment. I couldn't speak to them during the drive back home. I was in such a good mood, I was at a loss for words.

"I'm happy after talking to Kate. I feel  _way_ better."

"Then, tell us all about it, Max!" Rachel grabbed my shoulders and shook me back and forth.

I stumbled a lot through the whole story. I didn't want to miss anything from it, but I couldn't help but backtrack sometimes and try to retell it in a better way. I even tried talking about it over the hair clipper against my neck. It earned a frustrated Chloe and an amused Rachel, but I just couldn't shut up about it!

"Maxnesium," Chloe turned the hair clipper off, "You're done and please be hella gay out there."

Rachel and I left into the living room and I sighed in relief as I sat down.

"It's hella nice to see you happy." Rachel really was like a proud mom. For some reason, I was okay with that.

"Well, what about you? I'm sorry for calling you so soon." I was rambling on, I wanted to keep going, but I felt I was being slightly annoying.

"Nothing really, we went out to eat, girls were looking at Chloe and I nearly had to knock a bitch out, but other than that, we just walked around. We didn't feel like doing anything crazy so we went around some shops and looked through windows. This was so funny, Chloe said "nice Rachel we're having." I remember her saying that when we skipped school together for the first time."

Rachel loved talking about that. It was one of the first things she told me when we first met. I still remember Chloe's face of terror when she was reminded of that. Good thing she couldn't hear over the clipper's buzz in the bathroom.  _I've done enough embarrassing shit in front of Kate… I'll never live it down. I'll think about it five years and slap the shit out of myself for it._

"But, anything more you want to say?" Rachel asked me with a smile, genuinely curious.

_How are you guys holding up? Are you still mad at her? Are you gonna confront her soon? How are you so calm? She must be way madder than she's making it out to be._

"I wish I had her number…" I admitted instead.

"You'll get that soon, Max."

Chloe came out of the bathroom, back in her half-shaven glory, and posed for us in the middle of the living room, "Am I hot or am I fucking hot?"

Rachel released a wolf whistle, "Very fucking hot, Chloe. Which reminds me, you never wore the things I bought you!"

"Sorry, got a little… distracted." Chloe shrugged. She had such a confident smirk on her face, Rachel could only huff out her annoyance. I was a little uncomfortable in room by the sudden tension that statement created. I sat there, looking back and forth between them to see if something was going to happen.  _And like… why are they not fighting?_

"Well, the sun's still out and our date  _was_  cut a little short," Rachel nudged into Chloe's side.

"We should go later."

"You want to party on a Wednesday again?" I asked her.

"Nah," Rachel added, "we should do another movie thing. Go to an actual theater and then go out to eat altogether."

"I don't want to third wheel you guys," I checked my phone, "You two just go and be together."

"It's okay, you can say "I rather think about being with Kate.'" Rachel pushed me lightly.

"Then shit," Chloe shrugged, "we should go right now." She held her hand out to Rachel. She took it, standing up and grabbing her into an embrace.

"I would love to." Rachel let go and then looked at me again, "You'll be good, right?" She pressed her finger on my chin and then lifted my head.

"I'll be fine. You guys enjoy your date."

Rachel seemed satisfied with that and put her hand down. I smiled and waved them goodbye. "See you later, cliMax." Chloe said before closing and locking the front door.

With time to spare, I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I had no energy to put into my homework, TV was boring in the middle of the day, and "rubbing one out" … wasn't my thing. I had to think of something, something productive. So, I decided to do something I haven't done in a while: write in my journal.

I wrote in it more often in high school, when my life was more interesting. I haven't written in it since the first week of living in San Francisco. Since then, life became a cycle, repetitive, and kind of predictable. It was hidden under a pile of notes on my desk, but it was the same as I remembered. I decided, why the hell not, and read some last entries:

_May 25, 2014 11:20 PM_

_This is it, Arcadia Bay. This is my last day living here. It's time to leave all the Blackwell bullshit behind and start again in San Francisco. I'm so excited to leave this place. Rachel's lucky; she already left. I can't believe this is really happening. No more bullies, no more creepy teachers, no more… no more boyfriend. Chloe's gonna drive the whole way. We're leaving right now. Time to focus on my goals. Max Caulfield: Photographer._

_May 26, 2014 9:12 AM_

_San Francisco's a lot prettier in person. It's crazy, I will admit. Chloe's having a hard time in a regular car. But, we made it. It's a new, fresh start. I still haven't comprehended it. Being away from everyone in Oregon feels so liberating. The first thing on my to-do list is to travel around San Fran. See everything in light, take a few shots. Experience more than a little town._

_I can't believe I start school in August. I don't expect much. Last time I did, the teacher is sitting in prison right now. Maybe dating someone? Not sure, maybe not after what I did to Warren. But, what I do know for sure is getting used to living here. I'm sitting in the living room of our new apartment. I gotta say, it's not half bad._

Other than one sentence, I smiled throughout the whole passage. I looked around, looking at every wall in the living room.  _And you know what, Past-Max? It still isn't half bad._

I took a pen from my bag and started a new page:

_April 1, 2015 12:47 PM_

_I can't believe I'm in my fourth quarter now. That doesn't sound like a lot, but it's been eight to nine months of school, I give myself a pat on the back for that. I read a couple of old entries and one of the things I may or may not have wanted was dating someone. I only ever thought she was (she really is) pretty, but now we're talking. Yeah, for cereal. She's so nice and sweet. I wouldn't mind staying just her friend. But, she's girlfriend material, I will admit that._

To keep up with the style of the rest of my journal, I started draw out Kate on the side of the page. I preferred to draw from memory in my journal.

_Now, Rachel became a (hella) famous fashion model. She's always being followed around and her phone's always being hit with notifications. I dunno how she handles all this fame, to be honest. I wouldn't be able to. She's so… awesome, I wanna say! She's here in San Francisco now, living with us, but she's still being followed around. Especially now, since she and Chloe were found dancing at HUE sf._

_Speaking of Chloe, things… have changed. I never cared about her smoking and drinking. I hated it, but it was her choice to make. Since the move, she never smoked again, but her drinking has gotten worse. For nearly a year, Rachel and Chloe were apart. Chloe works every day, dealing with shitty customers and my tired student ass, she does depend on drinking alcohol to sorta work through the stress. They fought about it recently. I dunno, it's a difficult subject._

I felt my phone vibrate against my thigh, bringing me back into reality again.

"Hello?" I said into the phone after reading the ID.

"Hey Max." Rachel greeted back. "How are you doing over there?"

"Nothing, just finishing up some work over here." With my other hand, I was putting the finishing touches on Chloe's portrait.

"Cool, anyway, we're heading back right now.  _Again._ Chloe saw people checking me out and now she's hella angry."

"In a "she's famous" kind of way or "she's hot" kind of way?"

"It's a big clusterfuck of both."

"Damn, tell me when you get back?"

"For sure. Oh! But we do have some good news when we get back! See you later."

I wasn't sure whether to be excited or nervous. Before my head could explode, I went back to my journal, adding more doodles around my entry.


	13. Chapter 13

When the front door opened, it was pushed so hard it ricocheted and tried to close again. It shocked me; I didn’t hear it unlock. Chloe pushed the door open again, straight faced yet obviously fuming, and then sat next to me with a thud. Rachel came in, only smiling, and then closed the door lightly. _This will be interesting._

"Don't fucking mind me, it's not like I was trying to spend quality fucking time with my girlfriend." Chloe growled. _Was she… talking to me? She’s not looking at me or Rachel._

"Chloe, it's okay," Rachel pulled Chloe into a hug, holding her head against her chest, "You don't have to worry so much."

_New record: third wheel without even trying._

"What happened?" I scooted away from them.

"It's a long story," Rachel let her go, "But, the short story is, people were staring and _we_ were getting hella angry about it. There goes our plans again, huh?”

“That sucks but… you said you had good news, at least?”

“Oh yeah! So,” She grabbed my hands this time, “we ran into Kate! _Right_ before she left for class.”

“That’s cool.” I wanted to question why they were close to school again, but I decided not to. “Did you guys talk to her?”

Okay, you might be _kinda_ mad at me, but I may have mentioned the test thing to her and she said she’s willing to help you study!”

“What—”

“Yup, one o’clock at Starbucks, you’re gonna hang out with Kate! Aren’t you excited?!”

I chuckled, nervously, “Yeah… I am, but it’s such short notice.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m… I’m gonna be a wreck.” _I’ve only seen her suddenly, where I never expect to see or talk to her. But planned? I’m already nervous._

“Then, I’ll go with you tomorrow!” She grabbed my shoulders, shaking me.

“A-alright—”

“Okay! We need to sleep. You need to get some rest and then we'll plan out your outfit!" Rachel grabbed my shoulders and then shook me back and forth. I felt myself become dizzy, but I was feeling the enthusiasm. _It was only seven, but I do need sleep… I could stay up a little longer._

"Chloe," Rachel stood up and grabbed Chloe's arm, pulling her off the couch, "You need to relax."

Chloe was just letting Rachel pull her around, like a rag doll.

"Come on, nice massage, watch your favorite shows, cuddling." Rachel named off. A few years ago, those would have been completely different suggestions. _I guess they aren’t fighting anymore._ I watched as they went back into the room, but this time the door didn't shut loudly like every other time.

* * *

 

All I wanted was to sleep good. Instead, I woke up with a stiff back and a minor headache. It might be from being on my laptop at three AM with the brightness all the way up in complete darkness. _I feel like shit right now, but I gotta get up._ Before I went to sleep, I was able to witness Rachel and Chloe spooning (Rachel against Chloe’s back), so I was able to rest a little easier.

_Okay, Max, don’t be scared. It’s just Kate! She was the one who suggested to helping! She wants to help you study. This isn’t a date, don’t you dare, it’s just like a tutoring session! Except it’s for free._

I stood up, my ankles and knees cracking, and went into the kitchen to grab a water bottle. As I chugged the water down, Chloe walked in, wearing the same clothes as yesterday, and seemed pretty happy.

"Morning, borMax, did you sleep at all?" Chloe also grabbed a water bottle.

"For like three hours, but I'm okay, actually," I leaned on the counter, "You slept for a long time."

"Dude, I feel great. I'm ready to wreck some shit up." Chloe hopped in place. She was full of energy and smiling, ready for her day. _Not out of the ordinary, but… it hasn’t happened in a long time._ “I don’t remember shit about yesterday, but I think it has something to do with Kate?”

“Yeah, studying with Kate at one today.” I cleared my throat after, feeling my chest throb at her name. “I think Rachel’s gonna make me do another fashion show.”

“Wouldn’t be surprised. She’s your mom, isn’t she?”

“Does that make _you_ my other mom?”

“I did nearly beat the shit out of your ex recently so… I guess?” She shrugged.

_Oh, right, my ex… I feel like my mind made that whole situation up. But no, Max, that was real. And then they had a fight right in front of me. I wish that wasn’t real either._

I chuckled. The thought of Chloe being my mom—just a mom at all—felt so weird. Not that she wouldn’t be a good mom, but it was more like a big kid trying to take care of another kid.

“Hey Chloe,” I grabbed her shoulder before she could walk away.

“What’s up?”

“You and Rachel are good now?” I couldn’t get words like “fight” out of my mouth. I choked up at the end.

She exhaled, deeply and slowly, looking down at the ground. “I dunno. We’re kinda not close right now? I know we like cuddled and want to go places and we still get mad when other people talk to us, but when it’s just us, we don’t really talk, you know?”

It sounded sad. They were both fighters, confrontational and so upfront with their emotions, but them being quiet with each other? I could tell it was more of Rachel who was avoiding it and she had to be acting aloof. They were putting up a front for me—a fact I already knew.

“What about you? You passed out hella hard.”

“I’ll be fine!” I waved my hand and shook my head. “You just get ready for your day.”

* * *

 

When Chloe finished, I got up and started to fold my blanket, which I had never fixed before, and made the couch look slightly more presentable. I got my backpack ready with my Nutrition textbook and notebooks, taking any loose papers out and other useless things. The whole time I was alone, I couldn’t stop thinking about them. _I don’t want to be the one to push them together to communicate, but I might have to. But, what did I know about communicating?_ I heard footsteps behind me; Rachel strutted in, glowing and in a very good mood.

"Good morning, Max," She pulled me into a tight hug and then kissed me on the cheek, "Today is going to be exciting!"

I blinked a few times, but didn't question the sudden positivity in the room, "Studying is exciting?"

"You're studying  _with Kate_." Rachel emphasized, including a wink.

"It's still boring college stuff."

"I want to know what that's like! I don't know if I'm ever going to go to school again, so I want to see you guys be all studious and whatnot."

"Right," I nodded. _I’ll give you the answer to that, it really sucks, Rachel._ "Well, how are you gonna get me ready for today?"

"Uh hello, pick out some of the clothes? We're doing another fashion show."

"Until noon?"

"If that's what it takes."

I could only laugh, but she was not messing around at all. She dragged me into the bedroom, pulling me by the wrist, "Come on, you have to pick something! Don't make me pick something for you."

"Alright, but don't judge me too hard."

Rachel then slid the dresser drawers open. A lot of my clothes were replaced inside, but if I dig deep enough, my older shirts were still in there. She was looking into them, one hand on her chin and other hand on her hip.

"What do you want to wear?" Rachel asked first.

I started to grab at shirts of different colors and digging into my drawers, but there was none that really liked. A pink shirt would be nice, something to match the springtime's bright colors, to get away from the black-and-red I wore yesterday.

"Do you have any ideas?" I countered. _I need some time to ask the same question I asked Chloe. I could ask it the same way, but maybe Rachel would be more honest?_

I watched as Rachel held a pale pink shirt, another one she bought from Vans, with a big print of mountains on the back. They really reminded me of the Paramount Pictures logo.

"You really like your Jane shirt and that's great, but this one looks better." Rachel held it up to my torso.

"I was considering it." I referred to my Jane shirt.

Even though she said she wanted me to choose, she was still dressing me up. I liked it, the fact she wanted to help at all, but it was just Starbucks. I didn’t want to tell her what to do, but I didn’t want to go super overboard.

"Hey, when’s that interview gonna come out?" _Start with something safe._

"Tomorrow, I think." She replied offhandedly.

"You're not worried?"

"Chloe is someone I didn't want to hide in the first place, so I don't really care if people started hating me. I already know what I'm going to do after it airs."

_That sounds nice. Then again, it could be another front._ "Oh yeah, what is it?"

"I'm going to put pictures up of us on whatever social media thing I got and never stop. I'm going to change my profile pictures for sure."

"Will Chloe suddenly become super famous and then I'm stuck living alone?"

"If people want to get to Chloe, they're going to have to get through me first," Rachel said hotly, "And no, Max, we're going to move altogether and you'll be going through school without having to worry about debt."

"That's the dream. The second part, I mean. I wouldn't want you and Chloe gone all the time. What if Chloe turns into a model too?"

"She's probably going to do one photoshoot with me and that's it. She would prefer to stay out of the spotlight."

"She seems annoyed enough from being hounded by everyone."

"You should have seen her when we left the restaurant."

Rachel held about five different shirts up to my body, but she stuck with the pink one. _Rachel Amber: model, fashionista, and my mom._

"You know what, if we ever do one together, I'm going to beg for you to be the photographer."

"You trust me enough?"

"Max, I've seen your pictures. They're beautiful and they're professional. I'm going to beg and cry until they let me."

We both laughed, but I was going to keep that in mind. _I’m not that good at taking photos…_ Rachel paired the pink shirt with khaki pants.

“How… are you two, anyway?”

“Me and Chloe?” She blinked at me. It felt like she was looking right through me. “I don’t fucking know. I was ready to tell her off and talk about this drinking bullshit, I’m a damn Leo, but for whatever reason, I didn’t. I don’t know why; I can’t seem to bring it up. I don’t think it’s awkward…”

“She _was_ kinda drunk…”

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. The room felt tense and from Rachel’s body language, balling her hands into fists and biting her lower lip, she had more to say. _I have to change the subject. Now._

“Um, you go shower first. In fact, let me choose an outfit for you while you're in there. It’s only fair.”

“Good idea. I expect another flannel.” Her body relaxed and she smiled. She went around the bed, opening her large suitcase. She sighed heavily, “I’m never going to be ready for that phone call. “Rachel, you have to leave.’”

“None of us will,” I shook my head, my fingers interlocking together, “Anyway, grab what you need, I'm going to get you the perfect outfit."

"Alright, alright," she threw her purple bra at me, "Pushy, much?"

It hit me right in the face, falling onto the bed, "You're the one still wearing the same clothes from yesterday."

She walks by me, snatching her bra right back, "I blame Chloe."

I went right to her suitcase, already knowing that a majority of her clothing were flannels and tank tops. _Typical Rachel Amber… It really does look like she’s gonna live here for the rest of her life with us._ I grabbed her usual ripped jeans, but I went into Chloe's side of our dresser and grabbed one of her white tank tops and a black-and-white flannel. I wanted to see if she'll notice or not. I just left it on the bed and grabbed my clothes.

* * *

 

I heard the bathroom door open and then the bedroom door close. After a minute, I heard laughter from her. I guess she recognized it right away.

"You think you're real slick, don't you, Max?!" Rachel exclaimed, muffled by the door.

"It's still your style!" I yelled back.

Fifteen minutes passed, Rachel strutted out of the room in her baggy clothes. I didn't realize it was Chloe's gay pride shirt, so Rachel had to flaunt around a rainbow flag with the words "GAY AF" over it across her chest for the day.

"Looking good, Rachel." I nodded at her and applauded. She did a spin and got into a pose with her hands on her hips.

"I can make this work." Rachel buttoned two in the middle and then took one shoulder off her flannel. Because the top was so oversize, her bra was noticeable, making it useless for cover.

"Chloe is gonna notice you for sure now."

"Hopefully, she’ll say something.”

"What about other people?"

"Fuck them, I know I look good as fuck right now," Rachel flipped her blonde hair, "Go shower and change already, we need to eat breakfast."

* * *

 

When we left the apartment, Rachel wanted to ride around in the cable cars again, travelling from there to Denny’s a few blocks away from Starbucks. It was a busy morning, but of course, being with Rachel Amber, we were given special treatment and more unwanted attention. We looked through the menu for the sake of looking, rather than choosing, because we ordered coffee and the same breakfast plate.

“I hope Kate ate beforehand.” I said naturally. _I wouldn’t mind buying her something if she didn’t, though. But still._

“Me too. I’ll give her a smack on her wrist if she didn’t.” She lifted her coffee mug to her lips. Feeling inspired, I took my camera out and pointed it at her. She stopped as she was taking a sip of coffee and looking out the window. I took the picture; she was unfazed by the flash.

_Now that I think about it, I haven't felt any anxiety attacks or shutting down in front of Kate. Peaceful is a good word to describe it._ It felt nice and maybe I really was just freaking out too much. Rachel seemed to notice too.

"It's nice to see you happy." She put her cup down.

"You're such a mom."

"I've never seen you all lovey and romance-y. I can't help it!"

We went on a full conversation about us and relationships, but she spoke more about hers (still avoiding the fight from before). She brought up Warren again and, feeling a sinking pit in my stomach, I wanted to avoid it. The both of us ate and conversed about the past and even Arcadia Bay for a little bit. Neither of us had anything huge to talk about on that, so that subject didn't last long. It eventually went to Rachel's time in Brazil and China and I listened to her closely as she went on and on. In the end, we stayed there a little longer to talk more. It was about ten-thirty when we left.

"Can I see that picture you took of me in there?" Rachel asked, brushing her fingers through her hair.

"Oh, yeah," I reached into my bag and handed the film to her, "I hope it's up to your standards."

"Bitch, it's more than above my standards," Rachel stared at it, eyes wide and mouth hanging open, "You have to do my photoshoots for the rest of eternity."

"They're not that good."

"Excuse me, don't talk about yourself like that."

"You're too kind."

"I'm not kind enough. You make me look better with an old camera than some guy with the fanciest equipment in the world could ever."

I could only smile. _Was I really? My ego still feels like it’s about to explode everywhere._

"Come on, we're doing a shoot, right now."

"What?"

"Come on, we could walk around and then if you want to take some pictures. We need to pass the time!"

We walked down the sidewalk and I stayed a little behind Rachel as she continued to walk aimlessly. Fans and followers stopped her once in a while; I could only hope she won't get stopped by TMZ or other paparazzi. I only ever took pictures when there weren't many people around her and the lighting wasn't overpowering or not enough. Rachel was having a blast, she was grinning so wide and she was laughing aloud, she clearly loved this moment. I was running out of film quickly and when we arrived at a stoplight intersection, I caught up with her.

"This is the last one." I said to her, shaking the film. _I felt a lot of adrenaline from that. I need to do that more often._

"That's the most fun I've had taking pictures in a hella long time!" Rachel squealed excitedly, resting her arms around my shoulders.

"You don't have fun doing professional ones?"

"Not as much as this, I didn't have to do specific poses or make specific faces, I was just me, you know?"

I checked my phone. It was almost noon.

"We should get going."

"Then let's go. Chloe would want the company anyway.” Then, we went on our way, still laughing about our photoshoot.


	14. Chapter 14

The excitement died down when we passed Denny’s again. For the whole stroll, Rachel was giving me advice and naming all the fights she and Chloe have done in their past. There were some that were serious, but most were silly. I kind of already knew it was okay to have fights, but her perspective was helpful. _It does feel a little weird to talk about this. They haven’t fixed their recent one. They’ll do it on their own, Max. They’ll do it on their own…_

We walked into the Starbucks and saw that it was actually very empty. Chloe and the other employees were talking behind the counter. Chloe was the first to turn around, as she was the cashier, and then released a laugh of disbelief and amusement.

"Those are my clothes!" Chloe leaned over the counter, trying to look at Rachel.

"Thank your best friend, she chose it." Rachel lightly thumped my shoulder.

Chloe smirked at me and then looked at Rachel again, "You look better in them. I wish I could pull that off."

"You can later."

"What?" Chloe's eyes widened and her smirk disappeared. I nearly missed her saying that too. It was like her to be direct. Rachel swaggered away, winking at her, and sat at a four-person table.

Holy shit, Chloe mouthed out. She held her fist out and I bumped my knuckles against hers. _Again, putting up another front for me._ I went ahead and went to the table.

"Why are you facing away from the entrance?" I asked as I sat down across from her.

"I wouldn't want my famous face ruin your date. I already tried going to the back before and I couldn't. I hope sitting over here will make me unrecognizable."

"We're in the corner so, maybe?"

I placed my bag on the table and took out all the pictures I took of Rachel from outside. I laid them all out, side by side, in front of her.

"Here, maybe you could make some cool Instagram pic with these."

She placed her elbow on the table and rested her head on her hand. She exhaled happily.

"You're hella talented, how did you do this?" She grabbed some of them to hold them closer.

"Patience, I guess." I chuckled, but I felt awkward being praised by her. _I’m never gonna get used to that…_

"Hell yeah, this is going on my Instagram." She moved the films around and then took her phone out. I watched as she stood up, took pictures of the covered table, and then sit down again to type.

"Look at my talented friend," Rachel read her description, "That's the perfect thing to say under something like that."

"They're not that great..." I mumbled as low as I could, but she heard it regardless.

"I swear to god..."

* * *

 

For the next hour and a half, I watched and talked about the people who were walking in and out. It was a little game Rachel wanted to play. I gave her a piece of paper and a pencil and I tried to describe the people as best as I could as she drew them. Her art skills were okay, to say the least. _Maybe if I squint, it’ll look more like them…_ Chloe then came out with two coffee cups and placed them in front of us.

"They're on me," Chloe said, "Do you want the little, uh, shits?"

"Yes, for Kate." I replied with a snort. Chloe left again and when I looked back at the door, Kate walked through with her little backpack and sketchbook in hand.

"Kate!" I said way too excitedly.

"Hi Max!" She said back, waving her hand, "And Rachel, you're here! I'm so sorry about being so late." Kate sat down next to me, placing her bag next to mine.

We shushed her for saying her name too loudly, pressing our fingers to our lips. She understood, nodding, and pressing her own finger to her lips.

"Oh thanks, I like yours too."

A lot of her shirts have been plain and solid colors, but today it was a black shirt, covered in different flowers. She certainly rocked flowers better than I did. Again, I could see a gold chain necklace around her neck. But, she was still wearing a jacket for the hot weather.

"No braids today, huh?" I teased.

"No, but my roommate criticized my other outfit and then chose for me."

"Wow, we chose each other's outfits today, actually." Rachel added.

"You two know each other's tastes very well. My roommate will never let me dress her."

"Do you even like her doing that to you?" I asked.

"I like it. I know that's how she bonds with me." Kate was practically glowing. _She looks beautiful… It was pretty embarrassing when I did compliment her, though. Caught us both by surprise._

“So, uh,” I cleared my throat, “What did your friends need you for yesterday?”

“Oh, all of my friends are film majors and are participating in the upcoming film festival. I gave them the idea for the film, so they wanted a little more of my help. That’s all they think about anymore, really.”

“Oh yeah? What’s it about?” Rachel leaned in.

“I’m not one to talk about unfinished projects. Maybe when I finish the outline, I’ll let you guys read it.”

_Am I feeling… disappointment? Not sure._

"Hey, uh, Kate, I think," Chloe came up and dropped a white box in front of us, "Do you want a coffee too?"

"No, thank you. You're Chloe, right?"

"Yup, nice to meet you," Chloe smiled and nodded, turning back to Rachel, "Babe, I'm on break, do you want to go somewhere?"

Rachel grabbed her coffee and stood up, "Sure, I'll watch them later."

Kate and I laughed at that. Those two left, leaving me and Kate alone. _Another time alone with Kate; don’t screw it up, Max._ I reached into my bag, digging around the many books I had in it.

"I have the picture I took of you." I gave it to her and she gasped. She had her hand to her mouth and her eyes were wide, taking a moment to admire.

"Wow, this is very cool!"

I could only blush. I appreciated her compliment more than anyone else's—even more than Rachel’s. I couldn’t even act humble.

"Oh," I grabbed the box and slid it over to her, saying, "These are for you. I remember you said you liked sweets." Chloe told me that she liked them, but I thought it would have been weird to mention that I knew she liked them already. I felt my heart race as soon as I gave them to her.

"Thank you! I love these." She opened the box and they were all the chocolate ones. She grabbed two: one for me and one for herself. These ones were especially sweet, but I took the one she offered. _Not awkward as far, I think. You got this, Max._

“Anyway,” she finished her pop and grabbed another, “ready to start studying?”

I groaned, "I was hoping you forgot."

She giggled, "Nope, I'm determined to help you pass your next tests and hopefully not see you slamming your forehead into a table again."

"I was only doing that because I spent nearly all week studying for it and then I bombed it hard."

"And I don't want you to do that again," she placed her hand on my shoulder, "So, for the rest of the time, you're going to do your Nutrition work and I'm here to help you, okay?"

I sighed and slouched, "Okay. Can't wait to learn about all these kilograms and how to identify complex and simple nutrients."

"You're going to be fine," Kate took a pencil out of her bag, "You brought your book, right?"

"Yeah," I took the thick bright orange book out, loudly setting it down, "This already sucks."

"Only a couple more weeks," Kate reassured, "What do you have the most trouble with?"

"It was a lot of the math stuff and... pretty much all the numbers. You know what, pretty much everything."

"Okay, so you need to read this again and try to answer those little analysis questions at the end of every chapter. If you feel like you can't answer it, ask me.”

“Right, will do.”

* * *

 

"I'm back," Rachel huffed as she sat down again, about thirty minutes into the study session, "I never met so many people in such a small amount of time. Just kidding, I had."

"Are you getting to that point of needing a bodyguard?" I pushed the cake pops towards her.

"I don't need one, but... maybe in a few months." She grabbed two.

"Maybe watching us will help you relax."

"Yes. I want to learn about vegetables." She perked up again, eating a cake pop whole.

"Alright, let's begin." Kate smiled at me.

It wasn't so difficult in the beginning. Most of the questions were pretty easy! After chapter three, I felt like I was going to fall asleep about a million times. I wrote the answers down into my composition notebook, skipping some because I didn't know them. I could hear Rachel and Kate talking to each other, which kept me awake.

"Have you ever sat down and was like, "hmm, do I really believe in God?" I don't mean that rudely, but it's a thought I've had." _Where… in the hell did that question come from? And why did it leave my mouth?_

"No, I never really thought about not being Christian.” _Thank dog she was comfortable with it._ “It's something I've known since I was little; It's something I'm comfortable with."

"You're hella devoted? I don't think I should word it like that."

Kate snickered, "It's fine. I was until a year or two ago, I'm not sure."

"What do you mean?"

"I used to wear a purity ring." Kate’s hands started to move, feeling over her left fingers.

"Wow, for real?" I _felt_ the shock in Rachel's voice. I didn’t have to look at her face to know her eyes were nearly popping out of her head.

"Yeah, but... I don't wear it anymore, obviously."

Rachel was quiet after that. I was shocked too. There were so many questions I wanted to ask. But it was a very personal and I wouldn't want to creep her out or make her uncomfortable. I let to let the questions dance around in my mind until I continued to write my answers. _It wasn't important, not right now._

"Hey, we should stay here to eat something. Would you mind a small dinner with us?" Rachel changed it quickly.

"I would love to! I need to make up to her about leaving so early yesterday."

"Good, you hear that, Max?" Rachel slapped the table to get my attention.

"Huh?" I lifted my head up, "Uh, yeah, you don't have to though, Kate."

"I want to. Plus, most of our time is for studying. I wouldn't want you to leave groggy." Kate got closer to look at my paper.

"I left some blank so I can ask you later."

Kate nodded, "Good idea."

And that was all that happened. Rachel and Kate talking, Chloe coming by periodically if we needed anything, and me, suffering. I overheard Kate saying she was already finished with her assignments and that her time was used to help her friends' short film. I eventually asked for Kate's help and I could feel Rachel just watching us.

Even though Kate told me she never took the class, I learned more from her in this one sitting than I learned from my teacher all quarter. I was more engaged and everything somehow made more sense. I didn't realize it was about to be seven when we finished.

"You’re really good at teaching." I wiped my forehead, throwing my pencil into the crevice of my notebook.

"I've been told," Kate folded her arms, "I have a little sister and she asked for help all the time."

"Aw, you have a sibling?" Rachel placed a hand over her chest.

"I have two. I have younger sisters."

“What’re their names?”

“My youngest sister’s Lynn and my other sister’s Katelynn.”

Rachel and I sat there, thinking about those names. I knew Rachel was thinking about it too—her furrowed eyebrows said it all.

“Wait,” I had to say. Kate’s head hung and she chuckled, “Yes?”

“You’re Kate and your little sister’s Lynn… So, your middle sister is Katelynn? Like some name sandwich?”

“I always thought that was funny. I never asked my parents about it, because I don’t think they notice it either.”

Rachel chuckled, one side of her lip curved into a smile, "What's it like to have siblings? All three of us are, like, single children."

“I know there’s a stereotype about siblings hating each other, but I personally love mine. I can’t think of any reason to dislike them, other than times they steal food from my plate. What about you guys? What’s it like being a single child?”

“Nothing special, other than being more responsible.” Rachel rolled her eyes. I nodded in agreement. “Do you talk to them?”

"I haven't in a while. I've been so busy." Kate tapped her pencil against her now filled page of sketches. “I should do that soon. I’m sure they miss me as much as I miss them.”

"I'm finally done." I interrupted. I dropped my pencil down and ran my hands down my face. _I feel like I’m gonna die… so much learning…_

"Good job, Max." Kate held her hand out for a high five. I gave her one, weakly, and then slammed my head down on the book. _Ow, fuck._

"What did I say about doing that?" Kate whined. Hearing that made me regret it instantly.

"Don't do it because you don't want to see me get hurt." I said that while looking down, but I lifted up as fast as I fell.

"I think this calls for dinnertime!" Rachel clasped her hands together. The Starbucks was surprisingly empty, but I could see Chloe's face that she was very happy with that. I lifted my arm and waved her down.

"Yeah?!" She acknowledged. She didn't move an inch.

"We want food!"

Chloe disappeared into the kitchen, as if she was also the only employee there. _Wait, is she the only employee?_ I then heard Chloe and other guy talking, more like yelling and a loud thump. _No, someone’s here._

"Who is paying for this?" Kate asked.

"Me," Rachel replied right away, "And please don't be "I insist," no, I got it."

Kate looked at me and I looked back. I shrugged, _I was used to it,_ "She pays for nearly everything."

Chloe came back out with four bags, sitting next to Rachel.

"Since I'm not doing anything, I'll join you," Chloe started to pass out the food, "I got the BLT, I got Rachel the turkey thing, I got Maximus Prime the bacon shit, and I got Kate a different turkey one because I didn't know what you wanted. Shit, I forgot drinks."

Chloe left again. All of us thanked her before she was completely gone and started to dig in. It was really quiet; I didn't know we were this hungry. I tried to eat slow, but I was ready to inhale it. I saw Chloe come back, but with only two cups.

"You guys can share, right?" She asked with a smirk.

Kate and I stared at the cup, but Kate replied, "Only if she's okay with it."

"Um... my cup is still full, actually. It's really cold, but I'll keep drinking it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah!" That was a lie. My coffee cup was completely empty, but I wasn't prepared for such a direct question.

We all ate and conversed occasionally, talking about our favorite movies and what we do in our spare time. I only listened, but everyone always looked at me in case I had something to say. Kate, Rachel, and even Chloe were getting along together. I finished my food first and pretended to drink out of my cup in very tiny sips. After I put the cup down, Chloe snatched it from my side and shook it around.

"This bitch empty!" She exclaimed. She threw it across the empty shop, echoing and bouncing off the tile. _Great, I just got exposed for my horrible awkwardness._

"Max, it's okay, we could drink from the same one." Kate slid her cup to me. I hesitated, but I took the cover off and drank from the rim. I could hear Chloe and Rachel scoff in disbelief.

The other three eventually finished and we were the last ones to leave. Chloe had to get up early tomorrow to open the place again.

"My friends need me.  _Again_ ," Kate announced as she took her phone out, reading off a text, "They're at a theater. I need them to pick me up."

"Kate, we could drop you off. Chloe has a car." I pointed at the gray matte car on the side of the street.

"It's fine," she started to type in a number, "You three already did a lot for me."

"We could take an Uber instead," Rachel suggested, "Or Max could."

Kate put her phone down. Her face was full of thought. I watched as looked around, pressing her lips together, and swinging her foot around. She eventually put her phone back in her pocket.

"Could we go together?" Kate asked Rachel.

"Of course," Rachel turn to me and Chloe, "I'll see you guys later, okay?"

"Yeah, we'll hang outside," Chloe grabbed my arm, "Let's go, Maxsacre."

We separated and, as soon as I closed the car door, Chloe punched me in the arm.

I grabbed and rubbed my arm. "What was that for?"

"That's for chickening out on indirectly kissing her."

"There's next time!"

"Okay, yeah, what the fuck ever." Chloe started the car. I just knew that I was going to get lectured at home. _Stupid, Max._


	15. Chapter 15

Luckily, I was not scolded as much as I thought I would be. When Rachel came back, she simply gave me a slap on the wrist and told me to never avoid drinking from the same cup again. She has actually slapped me across the face once, but I would rather forget that. My cup incident seemed to bring them together again, scolding me and being my moms once again.

When I was left alone again, I slapped myself on the forehead.  _It was stupid of me to just avoid and avoid, what was I doing? My mind just… shut down and it makes me do stupid shit._  There were so many things I wanted to ask: how the short film was doing, why she didn't wear her purity ring anymore, why she couldn't sleep. She was becoming more mysterious to me. The whole story and how open she was to being so close to me made me want to believe she was gay.

"Max, what the fuck noise was that?" Rachel had decided to come out to check on me.

"I was scolding myself." I replied, pulling the blanket closer to me.

"You should do that more." She pushed my legs and sat down, then pulling my legs again to put them on her lap.

I laughed softly, "Maybe I will. What did you and Kate talk about? On the way home?"

"Oh! That's what I forgot!" She smacked her hand against my knee. "You're going to see her tomorrow!"

"I'm gonna see her tomorrow?"

"Yup, meet her in the library in the morning. I think seven at your table."

"My table?"

"Yes, Max. Her words, "tell her to meet at our table.'" She pushed my legs off her and stood up again. "So, get some sleep, girl!"

_Our… table? Did we meet so often and we becoming so close it was considered our table?_

* * *

My morning was… fucked up. I woke up from the sheer force of a pillow hitting my stomach, flailing around, only to end up falling on my face on the floor. It was Chloe, because who else would it be. She spent the next hour making fun of the cup incident while I was trying to get my clothes on. Honestly, it was making my anxiety shoot up. I couldn't stop my heart from racing and sweat on my face from embarrassment. I was getting to the breaking point, I was so emotional, I wanted to scream. I was too nervous to tell her to stop.

 _Okay, something needed to change. I needed to be more confident and take Rachel and Chloe's harsh words as helpful tips and only out of love._  I had a strange feeling again, but I shook it off.

"You could sleep in the library again. I would do that."

"Maybe, but I'm meeting Kate there." I said proudly.

"Great, but you better not pull the same shit you pulled yesterday."

"I got it. I'm gonna fix it... raviChloe."

"Leave the nickname thing to me, CarMax."

_It didn't hurt to try._

Chloe dropped me off, sarcastically telling me to have a horrible day (because of the nickname attempt), and then sped off. I immediately left to the library, though my stomach was grumbling rather loudly. I went to the same table closest to the entrance and sat there, seeing that Kate wasn't there yet. I didn't want to work and I didn't want to read, but I had to do something while I was waiting. I took out my journal, writing down everything that happened in the past couple of days:

_April 3, 2015 6:45 AM_

_It's the end of week nine; basically, two weeks until school's all over. It depended, but most days were pure bliss. Most moments were ruined by me being a piece of awkward trash. This quarter felt so slow compared to the other ones. I dunno why, maybe because I ended up talking to someone so sweet and pretty, everything somehow felt slower? Crap, I did something so insane recently. I had an opportunity to indirectly kiss her, but that would make too much sense._

I continued to write until I saw someone sit in front of me. Of course, it was Kate, who was happy this day and placed a cup of coffee right in between us. It was a hot day again and she was in another jacket, but I was more distracted by her left hand. I couldn't stop thinking about her saying the whole purity ring thing. As her fingers tapped against the table, I couldn't help but imagine the ring being there at all.

"Good morning, Max." She finally said, stopping her tapping.

"Good morning, Kate. Did you have to see your friends again?" My eyes made contact with hers.

"I was actually practicing. I play the violin and I've been able to play in the mornings again."

"That's cool. How long have you been playing?"

"Ever since I was six. I try not to miss a day, but my roommate, you know?"

"That's so cool. I play the guitar, or used to, I haven't played in a while."

"You need to show me sometime." Kate grabbed her cup and took a sip. At the same time, my stomach let out the loudest growl it could make, making me place my hand over it in surprise.  _Shit, that could wake anyone up!_

"Don't tell me you skipped breakfast." Her face just said "over it."

"I did. Chloe had to go right away to open."

Kate pushed her cup to me, "Would you like some? It's coffee again."

To stab me in the heart again, she actually took the cap off for me. She waited with the cap in her hand.  _How do I tell her to put it back?_  I hesitated, but I awkwardly reached over and grabbed the cover, putting it back.

"I'm sorry that happened yesterday."

"What's there to be sorry about?"

"The whole not drinking from the same cup thing. And the literally taking the cap off thing."

"It's okay! Don't be sad about that, it was just the last thing I expected."

"I will drink it, but that will never happen again." I started to, but I practically chugged it down. It was past halfway once I stopped.

"This is why I can't share. It's already almost gone."

"That's fine. I bought it to share."

Kate then went to her bag for her notebook, opening them to a page of neatly-written notes, and started reading it. I sat there, trying to read them upside down and holding onto the white coffee cup close. My mind went blank when I repeated her words in my head.  _She wanted to share with me, even though yesterday it looked like I didn't want to do that at all. Heart, could you please calm down for one day?_

* * *

"Is that enough or do you want to get something at the cafeteria?" Kate asked me, eyes still down at her book. I felt like I was stuck in a trance. A whole hour had passed without a single notice. Two things brought me back to reality: her voice and my loud stomach rumbling.

"Are you hungry?"  _Stupid question. I'm the one who's hungry._

"I'm not the one with the monster in her belly." Kate looked up again.

I was embarrassed, but I couldn't deny it. My cheeks were becoming a bright red, burning hot on my face.

We packed everything we had and then left the library, passing the cup back and forth for sips. It was quiet on our walk through the hall; the cafeteria was on the second floor. Once it was back in Kate's hand again, it was very empty.

"Oh great, I need to get more coffee." Kate laughed as she shook it around.

"Sharing with me is hard, okay?" I laughed with her. I looked at her up and down and felt myself warm up. I cleared my throat, rubbing the back of my neck. It became quiet, which I was both okay yet so bothered with.  _Talk about something. I hate to annoy, but this sucks…_

"Do you wear those kinds of skirts a lot?"

"Not before, but I wanted to try these skater skirts and I really like them. My roommate told me my old ones made me look... insecure, she said."

"You look nice, but that's a mean thing to say."  _Her roommate sounds like such a bitch._

"It was, but that's how she acts," She grabbed onto my arm, latching on loosely as she caught up to me, "You're walking kinda fast."

 _Oh my dog, she's grabbing my arm!_ "Oh, um," I slowed down, allowing her to be at the same pace, but she didn't let go, "Sorry, I didn't even notice I was."

"You're really hungry, aren't you?"

"I am!" I replied. We arrived at the cafeteria, which was roughly the same size as the library, filled with circle tables with many chairs, the walls were covered in graffiti and many different pop culture characters and bright colors, and on the wall, there was a big ass TV with different gaming systems readily available to play on. Against another wall were lines of vending machines with snacks and drinks. Ironically, no cafeteria food.

"What do you want? I'll get it for you so it won't get stuck." Kate finally lets go of my arm.

I chuckled, "You're never gonna let that go, huh?"

"That's how we officially met, so I can't."

 _Oh, right, that was a real thing that happened..._ We went up to the machine with the most number of snacks in it and peered in.

"You don't have class until afternoon too?"

"Both afternoon and evening, I have Color Theory and Geometry."

We both continued to look until we heard another voice.

"I suggest the granola bars." A male voice said.  _Oh shit, you had to be kidding me._  I wished every day and night for this scenario to never happen—every hour, even. I don't know what forbidden being didn't want me to move on, but I despised them. I avoided looking at him; I already knew who it was.  _Stay calm. Breathe in. Breathe out. Keep moving your hands. You're freezing up, come on._

"Oh really, stranger?" Kate responded. She spoke with a very formal and nice tone.  _Breathe in._

"Yeah, it's early in the morning, it'll help you get that energy you'll need!"  _Breathe out._ As he spoke, I heard the water vending machine whir and then drop a bottle into the shoot.

"Maybe we will, but my friend and I are still looking."  _Don't notice me. Please, don't._

He was quiet until he gasped, "Hey Max! Crazy to see you here too!"

I slowly turned around and forced a smile, "Hey... Warren. What brings you here?"  _Keep it together, Max._

"I was called here to fix some of the classroom's computers." I didn't get a good look at him the last time. He looked the same from what I remembered: same helmet hair, same meme t-shirts, and literally nothing else.

"Oh, you two know each other already?" Kate kept the nice tone, but it also sounded slightly strained.

"High school, had some classes together." He replied.  _Please leave and stop talking. I feel sick._

"That's wonderful. Well, we're going to keep looking, but thank you for the suggestion."

"No problem, see you ladies around." He finally left and I was able to get the breath I was holding in out.

"Are you okay?" Kate rubbed her hand on my back. I looked at her and her face was fully of worry, furrowing her eyebrows and had concern in her eyes.  _Don't answer honestly. It's okay. It's not that important._

"Y-yeah, I'm fine." I said after a deep breath. "I just haven't seen him in a while. It's just… wowser."

She hummed, lifting her hands to feel my cheeks and forehead, "Are you sure? You feel overheated." The concern was still in her voice.

 _Think of an excuse! Something that makes sense!_ "Yep!" I grabbed her hands, taking them off me, "The weather's crazy. How are you never hot?"

"I like my sweaters, Max." She laughed and went back to the vending machine. She kept smiling, but she stayed attentive to me, like still touching my arm and keeping me close.

We got Poptarts instead, eating them through the halls and walking aimlessly. Kate talked about how she used to eat them all the time because her younger sister, Lynn to be exact, loved them a lot. I didn't have an interesting story involving any food (or I had plenty, but they either involved drugs or binging).

"Do you watch that E!News thing?" I asked.

"I watch it with my roommate. Why?"

"Rachel is going to have an interview on there and, from what she said, she was gonna come out. Like, she's just gonna say it."

"Wow, how admirable of her! Must have been scary for her."

"When she talked about it, she seemed chill about it. She talked about not wanting to hide Chloe anymore, so we'll see."

Another moment of silence fell over us. Occasionally, Kate's hand brushed against the back of mine, sending a calming yet electric feeling through my skin.  _It's Saturday tomorrow… maybe she'd want to hang out? She might be busy with all this film-making stuff._

Kate decided to test me on all the Nutrition things I learned yesterday. As we walked around, she asked random questions she somehow remembered, but I was able to answer. I mean, I answered after five minutes of thinking, but they were correct. Kate then went into her phone and let out a light, yet annoyed laugh.

"Friends need you again?" I guessed.

"Yup and it's barely nine-thirty. Are you going into the library?"

"Yeah, I'll wait for you again in there."

"I'm sorry, but I'll see you there, okay? Don't move unless you have to go to class." Kate ran off, leaving me in front of the vending machine I kicked last time.

* * *

I sighed and trudged to the library.  _I hope to see that short film soon. It better be the greatest short film ever if they keep having to take her away for her help._

I did as I was told and sat in the library. I was switching between reading and walking around the bookshelves, which was incredibly boring. One eventually came and I had to leave for class.  _I dunno if I feel disappointed or sad…_

In class, it was a lot of review, more paper with practices, and lots of going up to the board to put answers. I think I impressed my teacher, judging by their expressions and sometimes clapping from saying the right answer. It got to the point that everyone in class started to clap for me, even though they have no idea why it was happening at all.

At the end of class, Evan stopped me.

"Hey, what you did in there was quite impressive!"

We walked together, but more he was following me.

"You think so? All I did was say answers." I dismissed the compliment. We passed by other classmates, saying small greetings to them.

"You told me you failed the other test. I'm sure they weren't expecting much and that's why they called on you. And then you killed it!"

I only forcefully laughed. I appreciated it, don't get me wrong, it was just that pain you get in your chest when you hear your name get called. Then, the surge of adrenaline when it's over.

"You're really blowing up my ego, dude."

"It's what you deserve."

"Thanks. I need to meet up with my friend though, so I'll see you on Friday, okay?"

"No prob, see you next Friday!"

He left towards another classroom, even though it was early-dinnertime. I continued on my way to the front; Through the glass door, Kate was sitting on the curb again. I decided to sneak, slowly opening the door, and taking far and quiet steps towards her. I was crouching down and, quickly, I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her around, "Boo!"

She let out a squeak and doing little shrieks. She gripped my wrists and then turned around, "Max, what the heck!"

"I couldn't help!" Even though she sounded mad, she was still smiling. I sat next to her, hugging my legs to my chest, "How was being with your friends?"

"It was actually... uncomfortable, I think I could say?"

I perked up, my back straightening and my eyebrows raised.

She rested on her hands behind her, "I had to do some bad acting."

"Never been a drama kid?"

"Nope, they wanted to try, since I wrote it. But, it was an experience, I guess. It was just a practice at a bench! It went bad..."

"I'm sure you did way better than you think."

"That's uplifting, though you weren't there. Oh, I need to know when the interview will be on, because my last class today ends at ten."

"That's right! Crap, I need to ask." I grabbed my phone and text Rachel. She should be up and about around this time.

"How was your class?" She asked after I finished.

"Surprisingly good, my teacher kept calling on me, but jokes on them, I knew all the answers."

"That's wonderful! I'm glad I was able to help you on your studies then."

"I owe you one."

I laughed _, then, ask her tomorrow to hang out. That's the best thing I could give. Just… get those words out!_ My phone vibrated,  **it's going to be late, around ten-thirty? Are you ready to go?** I texted back,  **Yeah, at the front with Kate.**

  _Just blurt it out!_   I nearly choked getting those words out. "Um, the interview will air around the time you leave class." I reiterated.

"Okay, good. Wouldn't want to miss it."

It was silent again, listening to the sound of cars speeding off or people walking by us in their own conversations, sitting there with our arms still pressing against each other.

"How was yours, by the way? Your class, I mean." I asked back.

"It was fine. Just learning more about colors and mixing them together, there's nothing interesting to say."

"Do you like it?"

"I do. Though, it does get boring."

"And you have Geometry later?"

"Yeah, my Fridays are incredibly boring, except for today."

I felt my cheeks burn from the statement. Kate had really pink cheeks, and was also avoiding any eye contact with me. Bravely, I also leaned back on my hands, letting one hand inch closer to hers.  _Okay, here's an opportunity… this is it, Max. It might get weird, but… fuck, you've kicked vending machines and hit your forehead into tables in front of her._  I was so distracted, I didn't even hear Rachel calling out my name. Kate looked like she didn't either.

"Earth to Max, are you there?!" I finally heard. I looked to my left and Rachel was standing at a car, still half-out of it, decided to take one of those Uber or Lyft cars. She was a block down in an available parking spot.

"Shit," I stood up right away, "Did you hear her?"

"No, I don't know what happened! I didn't hear her either!" She stood up next to me. _Last chance, just ask! You'll be fine. So what if she rejects you? That would be pretty fucked, actually…_

We stood around, not wanting to really leave each other.

"This is really nice." I felt her hand touch against my back.

"What is?"

"Hanging out together. Being with you is fun. Rachel and Chloe are fun to be with and... I feel comfortable with you is what I'm trying to say."

"I feel the same way." I nearly choked on my words.  _Now, now, now!_ "U-um, hey, are you doing anything tomorrow?"

"I'm just studying for the week. Why, what's on your mind?"

"I was thinking we could hang out tomorrow. Because I owe you!"

She giggled, causing my cheeks to heat up, "That sounds lovely, Max."

"It's super short notice, but we'll meet here?"

"I could give you my number." She suggested. I practically ripped my bag open for a pen. When I found one, I placed it into the palm of her hand. She smiled and laughed at me, popping the cap off the pen. She grabbed my hand and started to write on the back. There was so many things to focus on: how the pen tickled, how soft her hands were, and how Rachel and Chloe were just watching.

"I'll text you later, okay?!" I left, running and jumping into the car, knowing I left the pen behind.

"Maxine Caulfield, how dare you ignore me." It wasn't even a question, it was a strict sentence.

"I'm sorry, Rachel. I was distracted." I rubbed the back of my neck. I wasn't sure what she was going to do.

Her face started to twist and tried to stay serious, failing in the end. She lets out a breathy laugh, "I'm kidding! You look so scared, oh my god!"

"I can't help it!" I pushed Rachel in retaliation.


	16. Chapter 16

Rachel stopped laughing right when we got home again.

"I'm sorry, your face was just priceless." She wiped under her eye from tearing up.

"Hey, after that bitch slap, I've been fearful." I touched my left cheek.

"It was impulsive." She then kissed my forehead, "I'm sorry about that and laughing for a whole car ride."

"I already forgave you." I said and headed to the apartment.

In the meantime, I did all my reviews, finished my final projects, and watched about three episodes of Project Runway. I stayed in the living room, doing my work on the coffee table, and sitting on the floor, crisscrossing my legs. When Chloe came home at an alarmingly late hour, she patted my head and kissed Rachel. It took me out of my homework trance, reminding me of the phone number on the back of my hand.  _I should text her now._  I took a moment to think of message, something to start it. In the end, all I put was,  **Hey Kate. It's Max.**

I added a smiley emoji after, because one, it was my thing and two, I felt Kate was going to be okay with it (unlike Chloe.) I made sure to add her number and put her name.

"How was your day?" Rachel asked.

"It was whatever," Chloe seated herself in the last available spot on the couch, "Nothing new ever fucking happens."

"That's better, right? You usually deal with bad customers, so you're not really pissed off."

"Thank fucking hell, I hated it enough that I had to open the damn place."

"How about tomorrow?" Rachel said as she sighed and rested her head on Chloe's shoulder.  _Maybe they're better now? Hell if I knew anymore…_

"What the fuck is that, Max?"

Before I could reply, Chloe grabbed my wrist, pulling it closer to see the number better.

"Bitch," Chloe drawled out, "Is that what I think it is?"

"Um… yes—"

"Bitch!" She pulled me to my feet and started to jump up and down, cheering and whooping for me. Rachel joined along, clasping onto me.  _Would it be too much to mention how we were gonna hang out tomorrow? They would literally implode… like, PSSHH!_

A whole minute passed before they finally stopped celebrating, falling into the couch, breathless yet still very excited. I was able to check my phone:

**Kate: Hey Max, I just left class! I'm so tired.**

**Me: Was it boring?**

**Kate: Only because it was a book work kind of day.**

**Me: That sucks. Do you walk home?**

**Kate: Yes, it's only ten minutes away.**

Our TV has been stuck on the E! channel since we got home and it was about to start. It actually has been playing and reminding reviewers that her interview was soon. It was such an important event, I could probably recite the commercials by heart already.

**Me: That's good. So, what places do you like going to? I need a hint for tomorrow.**

"I hated this stupid interview so much." Rachel groaned.

"Are we going to watch you suffer?" I asked her.  _I bet she was rolling her eyes every couple of seconds._

**Kate: I can't tell you! I want you to surprise me!**

**Me: Pls?**

"Yup, but it's not obvious."

We waited the rest of the thirty agonizing minutes. From Kate's texts, she had time to change into pajamas and have a conversation with her roommate. I wish I had thought of going to change, but I was too invested in periodically checking my phone for her texts.

**Kate: It's starting!**

The segment started with a loud intro, bright blue and catches your attention, and the host was a woman with a bright smile and a fashionable pantsuit. Rachel was in the same pencil dress she was in when she left the interview that day. The set was a blue backdrop with white couches and pillows.  _I never understood why interviews were so… try hard? Like they try to make the set feel like home, but it's still uncomfortable looking._

"Welcome watchers to E! Rising Star! The show that interviews top celebrities and getting the inside scoop! Tonight, joining me is the beautiful Rachel Amber! It's so nice to have you here!"

"I'm happy to be here." Rachel kept a polite position, smiling widely and sitting with her legs crossed, hands on her lap. She had a thing where if she was feeling kind of involved and interested, she would tuck her hair behind her ear. She did it after she spoke.

Chloe snorted, "That wasn't fake at all."

"You're becoming a household name and becoming one of the top social media stars, how does that feel, rising as quickly as you are and only being twenty-years-old?"

"It still really blows my mind! I never imagined to become as well-known as I am, but I am so grateful by it. I try my best to stay connected and let my fans know how much I love them and appreciate them. It's crazy how fast it all happened and I don't take any of it for granted."

"That's the last good question." Rachel seemed like she was having war flashbacks.

"How incredibly humble of you! Speaking of your fans, what's the weirdest thing a fan has ever done for you?"

"I think I was in New York at the time, but this one fan," Rachel laughed in the middle of her sentence, a genuine one, "was trying so hard to see me at the airport, when I arrived, and she just kept  _screaming_ to autograph her chest. You know, I was being pushed by my bodyguards, cameras were everywhere, fans kept calling out to me, but I still went over, grabbed her pen, and did it! I saw a mention on twitter from that fan and she got it tattooed onto her, so that was fun to me."

"Do you get used to being a celebrity?"

"Sometimes I convince myself I am, but when I meet fans or do interviews like these, it's like, "Oh yeah, that's a thing I am.'"

The interviewer laughed, "Was it hard getting to where you are?"

"It was! I went through a lot of training and, being just a girl from Oregon and not matching the typical model look, it was a lot to handle. I was away from my friends and I couldn't even talk to them. It sounds crazy, but I hope people, other girls especially, see me and know anything's possible and to not give up. I sound so sappy."

"Oh, no, be as sappy as you need to be! After all, interviews with you are not so common! Now, you may or may not know of certain rumors roaming around you at the moment."

"And now it gets annoying." Rachel had her hand over her eyes; she couldn't relive this again.

"I might have an idea. You'd have to refresh my memory." Rachel's tone changed.  _Whoa, the atmosphere changed in that. It's uncomfortable already… wowser._

"Yes, in these pictures, you are seen with another woman throughout the week. Can you please enlighten us on this?" On the screen, it showed many different paparazzi and hidden pictures taken of Rachel and Chloe out-and-about San Francisco in both day and night.  _Yikes._

"Of course, she is... the love of my life for nearly five years." The studio audience reacted—sounded like disbelief. "I hated hiding her and not being able to talk about her or even be with her because of what people may think. To me, I don't really care what people will think of me after this, I'm more relieved than scared about this whole thing."

"Well talk about it, like what it was like before this moment? Not being able to talk about it?"

"It was for avoiding society and rejection, it was for the best. But I'm selfish and, because of that, was sick of not being able to show her off."

"Who is she?"

"I cannot disclose that without her permission."

"How old were you when you realized you were gay?"

"I was sixteen and I'm bisexual, by the way."

"Are you open to everyone in your life?"

"Yes."

Rachel groaned loudly, in absolute annoyance and irritation, "It keeps getting worse!"

_Yikes, this was painful to watch. I wonder what Kate was doing._

**Kate: Rachel is so nice. I can't believe people would actually hate her.** ****  
I think my roommate loves her.  
She's such a good speaker.  
How nice she called her the love of her life!  
Oh gosh, my roommate is freaking out.  
She is about to throw the TV.

_That escalated quickly. This needed to stop._

"We don't have to watch all of it." I suggested.  _I don't even want to watch it either. This is… not good._

"You know what, I'm okay with that. Go back to Project Runway!" Rachel waved her hand at the TV.

I did so right away and all three of us simultaneously sighing in relief.

"I knew it was fucking bad, but you didn't say it was fucking shit and garbage." Chloe pinched in between her eyes, shutting her eyes in annoyance.

"I respect her, but holy shit," Rachel grabbed her phone, "I need to take pictures."

Chloe looked confused but then Rachel hopped onto her lap and the confusion was gone.

"I could finally do this!" Rachel held her arm out, phone in hand.

"Wouldn't you want me to take that for you?" I sat lonely and only slightly jealous.

"For the first one, I want to take it. Then, I could put up that picture of us from last week! And the collage, I'm so excited!"

I watched as Rachel took a few selfies of her and Chloe: one of them just smiling, one of them kissing, and then the last one was just silly and random funny facial expressions. She stayed on her lap as she typed on her phone. She asked her from time-to-time like "can I say your name?" or "do you like these?" Rachel huffed after finishing and handed her phone to me, "Do you want to read it?"

She uploaded all three, starting with the simple smiling photo:  _This is Chloe. The one person in my life that makes everything hella fun and unpredictable. I wake up happily knowing she is mine and go to sleep relaxed knowing we're here together. I didn't want it to happen like this, but here we are. I've never been happier and I'm excited to finally show her. Love you. -RA_

"It's beautiful, Rachel." I handed it back to her. My heart swelled with joy for them. Tomorrow was only going to be the start for me. I took a deep breath, "I'm hanging out with Kate tomor—"

They instantly gasped, stopping me from finishing my sentence.

I wonder if she liked museums.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all I got a comment today talking about how "writers who change characters' appearances are obnoxious" and like is it so wrong to do that??? Like, someone tell me.  
> Anyway, enjoy this date.

**Me: Did you finish the interview?**

I shifted around on the couch; it was running out of comfortable spots. I held my blanket closer and more cocooned around me to gain more comfort and warmth.

**Kate: Yes, it started great and then it became very bad.**

**Me: We couldn't. Rachel didn't even want to watch it.**

**Kate: Lucky you, I wish my roommate did the same.**

**Me: Sorry about that, we could watch a movie tomorrow to make up for it.**

**Kate: If that's what you want to do.**

I let out a strangled laugh. She was refusing to give me any hints or ideas about herself. I was more frustrated with myself for being so nervous about it, rather than her for being so hard to understand.

**Me: You're making this difficult.**

**Kate: I just want to know what you'll choose. No matter what, I think I'm going to like it.**

**Me: I have a couple ideas, but you have to promise me that your friends won't need you. Do you wanna be together all day?**

**Kate: I would love to! I'll tell them, don't worry. Is eight a reasonable time?**

**Me: Yup! I'm gonna start looking for places now. Goodnight Kate.**

**Kate: Can't wait. Goodnight, Max.**

I lied in bed, searching for places on my phone, but I kept doubting myself. I find one place that I think she'll like it, then change my mind after. I was feeling really scared and nervous to choose anything. She said she'll like it regardless, but I didn't want to just take her to small places. I listed the day out: cafe, museum, travel, museum, ice cream, and outlet. I had to borrow some money from Rachel or Chloe for sure, but I hope they don't give me everything they got. I found all the places I wanted to take her, turned off the TV, and went to sleep before I could change my mind.

* * *

In the morning, I woke up around six. Judging by how quiet and dim the room was, Rachel and Chloe were still sleeping. I fixed the couch, stretched my arms and legs, and plugged my phone to charge. There were no messages or missed calls, so that was a good sign. I decided on a long shower to rid of the anxiety I was feeling. I became more relaxed feeling the hot water around me, filling me with a small amount of confidence for the day. When I was done, I left the bathroom in my pajamas again, bumping right into Chloe.

"Dude, change, what the fuck." Chloe raised her eyebrow.

"I don't know what to wear yet." I walked around her and went into the room. Rachel was sitting up, lap still under the blanket, and yawning loudly as she stretched her arms up.

"Good morning Maxie." Rachel mumbled.

"Morning," I greeted, "Can you help me with what to wear today?"

"Of course!" She suddenly perked up and jumped out of bed to my side. I felt myself jerk from her outburst, holding my hand to my chest from it happening.

"What colors are you thinking?" She asked.

"I'm not sure. I was just gonna go with black-and-white."

"Alright, super simple, I can dig it," Rachel nodded her head, "Then, this shirt... these pants... those new shoes... and do you want a flannel or not?"

She handed me a black shirt and khaki pants, "It's hot today, so I think I'll pass."

She added a black-and-white flannel, "Try wearing it in a different way and then show me."

"Will do," I take the clothes with me and left to see my phone, "Oh, she's awake."

**Kate: Hey Max, are we meeting at school?**

**Me: Yup!**

Bravely, I changed my clothes in the middle of the living room. I could hear Rachel walk in and open the fridge, wolf whistling from the kitchen. I could only laugh as I put on my new outfit. This whole outfit was a favorite of mine, especially the shirt because of the little Vans skateboard on the front and the bigger one on the back. I wrapped the flannel around my waist last.

"How does it look?"

"Fucking awesome, that's a look," Rachel complimented, walking up to me and folding the sleeves again, "Just in case you need to show off more of how gay you are."

I chuckled, "Thanks, that's just what I need."

"So, what are your plans for today? What special places are you taking her?"

"I found museums and places to eat, and I'm gonna take her to the outlet. I just hope to walk around with her and take the metros. I hate to ask for some money."

"Don't feel bad! It's fine! Let me get some tens and twenties from my suitcase." She left right away before I could refuse. Chloe then came out of the bathroom, back in the uniform she hated so much. Chloe was swinging her arms and looking off into space.

"Are you okay?" I started to tie my hair up.

"Since Rachel put the picture up, I'm preparing for people to recognize who I am. Are you ready yet?"

"I'm waiting for Rachel to give me money. Isn't she coming with us?"

She walked back into the room, holding a bundle of cash in her hand, "This is five-hundred."

I nearly choked on my spit, "Isn't this a lot?"

"I don't want you to run out! If you have any left, just give it back." She grabbed my hand and placed the money in it.

"Rache, are you coming along?" Chloe folded her arms.

"I said I would, but I'll just stay here for today. You guys text me if you need anything, alright?"

She looked disappointed, but she was for sure staying because of what happened with the interview.

"No problem." Chloe grabbed her keys from the dining table.

"I'll keep that in mind."

On my way out, I grabbed the newer Polaroid camera I owned but never used. I loved my vintage one, but I was running low on film. It was a white one, and the case was plain black and has a shoulder strap. It was convenient and I still had plenty of film for it. During the drive, Chloe tapped her fingers against the wheel.

"Why are you using that camera?"

"My other one is low. Plus, it's good practice."

Chloe hummed, "Nice. Are you scared?"

"Yeah? I don't want to disappoint her." I took a shaky deep breath. Despite doing all I could to forget about the nervousness, I was still full of it.

"I doubt she's gonna hate it. She doesn't look like she's even capable."

"It's a lot of pressure."

"You'll be fine, TJ Max."

* * *

When we arrived at school, there was no one there. I checked my phone and noticed I was ten minutes early. I stared at the curb, thinking whether I should sit and wait there or in her car.

"Do you wanna stay in here or nah?" Chloe asked.

"I'm thinking." My foot tapped and my fingers fidgeted together, I then said, "Yeah, I'll wait there. You just get to work."

"Alright, have fun on your date."

I got out and left to the curb, hearing the car leaving behind me. It was the same spot Kate was sitting at when I met her on that Wednesday. Now here I was, sitting with my phone, fully charged and looking through my dashboard as I waited. I hate to admit it, but I really wanted to run away. I was becoming really scared and nervous and felt like I was better off staying away than even trying at all. I even stood up for a second, but sat back down again, sticking myself to the curb as much as I could.

As I continued to go through my phone to distract myself, a pair of hands covered my eyes from behind, "Guess who?"

I chuckled, "I hope it's Kate."

"Correct!" She took them off my face and then sat next to me. I was going to joke around with her and tease her a bit, instead I was speechless and all that came out was an inhumane squeak. She had a black skirt on and it had suspenders, she had a white shirt that fit snug on her body, she had converse sneakers on, and her hair was down, covered with a beanie. My breath completely left my body and I couldn't blink anymore; it lasted for so long, Kate had to shake me and snap her fingers in front of my face to get me back.

"Max, come on, speak to me." Kate grabbed my shoulder and shook me around.

I finally breathed again, hyperventilating, and rubbing my eyes.  _Was this reality or was I making this up?_  Putting my hands down, I was sure it was completely real.

"Sorry, but... wowser, you're beautiful." I finally gasped out.  _Where did that come from?_

"Oh, stop it you!" She playfully pushed me. Her cheeks became very pink and she smiled from ear-to-ear.

"Did your roommate do this?"

"Nope, I chose and did everything today. It has my roommate seal of approval."

"I need this as a picture!" I stood up and kneel down again, readying my camera at her. Kate didn't know how to pose, so she just sat there and continued to laugh. It was perfect to me.

"Is that a new camera?" She asked after I stood up again. She stood up too, dusting off her skirt.

"No, I don't remember where I got it, but my other one doesn't have enough film."

"It's nice. One of my friends has one and she uses it all the time," Kate then touched my face, "Do you ever let someone take pictures of you? You're pretty too."

I dropped my camera, thank dog it was on a strap, "I usually take pictures of myself. Selfies and whatnot."

She put her hand down, "You should let someone do that. Now, what did you plan for this day?"

I wanted to reply, but I only wished I thought of flirty and witty things. "I have plans until the night, so I hope you could keep up. Do you like walking?"

"I love it. Where to first?"

* * *

Our first destination was a bit far. On our thirty-minute travel, Kate held onto my arm as we walked along the sidewalk, talking about ourselves, and learning more about each other. I learned her middle name and last name was Beverly and Marsh, she owns a pet rabbit named Alice, she was born and raised in Oregon, her favorite color is yellow, her favorite food is anything sweet, and her favorite genre of films and shows to watch are animation, comedy, and slice of life.

"Beverly Marsh? Like, in that horror movie?"

"You  _would_  know that it was the same. I never asked my family about that."

"You should. Maybe they actually like those kinds of movies."

"Then they're hypocrites, because I was never allowed to watch rated-R."

I burst out laughing and she hits me on the arm. It was pretty hilarious; I  _had_ to take her to a horror movie now.  _Oh dog, what a dick move. I'll do that soon._

"What about you then?" She asked me.

"In that order?"

She held onto my arm tighter, "Yes."

"Uh, I don't have a middle name, but I'm Maxine Caulfield. I don't own a pet, I'm from Oregon too, I guess I like all colors but green or brown is pretty cool, pink too, I like food in general. I say I like horror, but to be honest, I can't pick a favorite genre, but I can say that I love Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within and Donnie Darko."

"We have quite a few things in common. You don't like Maxine?"

"No, it doesn't fit me... I don't think."

"Then I agree. You look more like a Max."

We arrived at a cafe in a busy area. Ironically, it was called Max's and Kate laughed immediately after hearing the name and seeing the sign.

"You didn't pick this place because your name was in it, right? We were just talking about this."

"I didn't, I swear... Okay, only a little bit."

Upon walking inside, we were greeted with the smell of breakfast foods and lively atmosphere. Many colors that filled the room were either brown or beige. It was early and not many people were in the seats just yet, but the room was filled with chatter. We were greeted by a host, seated us at a two-person table, and given menus that were a single piece of paper. I looked around at the tables that had people and the portions of food were very big. That was the real reason why I chose this place.

"Do you maybe want to share?" I asked her.

She put her menu down, "Sure, you saw the plates too?"

"Yeah, I couldn't finish that," I laughed, "Is there anything you want?"

"You choose."

We both ordered green tea and my food choice was an omelet that had ham and four cheeses. Kate didn't complain or laugh about it, so I think I made a good choice.

"You know, I used to never finish any food I ate." I mentioned. It lasted all my high school years; my plates would always have a handful of leftovers on it. Why I left any was a mystery, even to myself, but I suspect it had to do with my social anxiety in some way.

"Why is that?"

"It was just something I did a lot," I played with the spoon I left in my cup, "Since Rachel has been here, I've been eating more real meals."

"That's good. If you still did that, I would be really worried about you. I wouldn't want you to be sick or anything."

"I'm trying to balance it out. But, I can't help that I just drink coffee for days."

"Maybe I should look after you too." She shook her head and continued to drink her tea. She was looking off towards the kitchen; I took that moment to take another picture, her eyes twitching when she saw the flash. She only giggled; it was expected at this point.

When we get our meal, we placed the oval plate in the middle of the table. The food was definitely enough for two people. Kate started to eat first, smiling and nodding upon first bite.

"What do you eat at your apartment?" I took one bite and melted from the taste. I think I actually moaned from it, because Kate's reaction was giggling and shaking her head.

"My roommate just buys really expensive food. Restaurants with Michelin stars and places like that."

"Does it actually taste good?"

"There have been times when the food didn't taste good at all," Kate sipped from her cup, "To the point I couldn't eat it, but I still finished it because she bought it."

"What's her name, by the way?"

"Her name's Victoria. Oh my gosh, I need to show you her reaction!"

She took her phone out; I would have never guessed she had a single pocket on her. On this particular day, her phone case was pale pink and covered cartoon possums and roses.

"That's an interesting case you got there." I said after swallowing.

"It was a gift." She then showed me her screen, handing me her phone showing a video. I pressed the triangle in the middle of the screen, playing a video of Victoria throwing pillows and screaming at the flat screen TV. It was mute, but did I really need sound to know what was going on?

The video was getting progressively worse as she started to hit the TV with her fists and attempting to lift it up. It ended when she threw one more pillow. I was laughing throughout the whole thing; Rachel has to see this.

"Can you send that to me?" I gave her phone back.

"Yeah! It was all happy sounding yelling at first. By the end, she was just shouting for the host to be quiet."

I groaned, "I know, she's the reason we stopped watching."

I checked my phone as I continued to eat. I got messages from Chloe and Rachel wishing me luck on my day. I got the video from Kate, sending it to Rachel right away. I snickered to myself just thinking about it again.

"Is she like that a lot?"

I put my phone away and noticed the omelet was down to the last few bites.

"That's the first time I've seen her react so much. She's more aggressive through her words. Even then she doesn't become so over the top."

There was one bite left and Kate and I just looked at each other. I pushed the plate towards her, awkwardly and wordlessly. I watched her as she stabbed it and then lifted it to observe it. She then reaches over, fork in front of my face, and then hummed "ah." I wavered for a second, taken aback, but I happily ate it off her fork. She smiled and then put it back on top of the plate.

"I brought some cash just in case." Kate said as she reached into her skirt pocket.

"No need. I'm paying for the both of us today."

After paying, we left again, Kate's arm around mine once and went off to the next destination. My heart skipped a beat every time she did that, but I happily accepted it, dreaming about actually holding her hand.

"This place is delicious," Kate sang, "Where to next?"

"I have a couple of museums in mind. Maybe they could inspire us for school."

"Great idea! I do enjoy museums."

On this walk, I felt Kate's arm slowly snake down towards my wrist, which I paid no mind to because she goes back to her original position every time. My hands were clammy from being so nervous.  _I hope she can't see how all of this was making me feel._

"When's your birthday?" She was still walking a hair slower than me.

"September twenty-first," I replied, "What about you?"

"That's so funny, mine is September twelfth!"

"What a coincidence! We would definitely have like parties on the same day."

"Yeah, somewhere in between. Why do you walk fast? Or am I somehow shorter than you?"

I then stopped and stood in front of her. I used my hand and tried to measure if there was a difference. I was just slowly waving my hand above us, which looked pretty stupid after a moment. I couldn't tell, to be honest.

"We have to ask later," I walked off again, holding onto her wrist, "Maybe I'm just happy to be here and excited to take you places."

She pressed her head against my shoulder, hugging my arm, only releasing a sigh.

* * *

We arrived at the Museum of Modern Art, which I felt was the perfect place to go first. It was a large brown building and it was also not busy yet, so we were able to go in without waiting for so long. I nearly passed out from the twenty-five-dollar entrance fee (fifty dollars for two), therefore I paid for it and rushed away. Kate and I didn't talk much throughout our viewing. We were actually more apart than together and we always had to find each other after a couple minutes.

We ended up being separated for about thirty minutes and we met again at a series of aerial photographs of rivers and cities.

"Enjoying yourself?" I continued to observe the photos.

"I'm loving this place. I haven't been able to go to places like this because I never had someone to go with."

"Then I'm glad I took you here."

There were multiple floors and plenty of exhibitions taking place, eventually the museum was filling with people. We decided now to stay together, walking side-by-side with our hands behind our backs, looking at sculptures and large descriptions on the walls of the art and what they mean. She stopped once in a while to look a little longer; I waited for her.

There were quite a few times that I backed up and took pictures of her standing and looking, her back towards me. They were my favorites so far and she agreed, them being her favorites too.

I ended up being the one locking my arm with hers near the end. As we continued to go through the rooms, we were stopped by a person tapping on my shoulder. When I turned around, it was a girl close to our age. A jolt went through my body and I froze there.

"Hey, I just wanted to say that you two are cute together."

I had to repeat it in my head a couple of times. I was so stuck on it that I nearly missed Kate saying "thank you" and the girl left with another girl.

"B-but we're not a thing." I finally choked out.

"It was easier to say thank you than explaining why we're super touchy and matching colors." She pulled me by the arm and started to look again. I was rendered speechless the rest of our viewing.

When we left, I finally cleared my throat. "Whoa, it's noon already." I checked my phone. I got a text from Rachel,  **Holy shit I need to meet her!**

Kate chuckled slightly, "Were you okay? You didn't talk that whole time."

"I'm fine!" I answered way too fast.

Her eyes looked at me, up and down, then said, "Alright, but I'm watching you."

_Shit, I fucked it up again. But damn, she said thank you and was okay with being complimented as a couple._  I felt my heart race and my hands were shaking, but I took deep breath and reassessed myself. We stayed in front of the museum, sitting at the artsy fountain with a statue of copper abstract twists and turns.

"Has that happened to you before?"

"Has what happened?"

"You were with another friend and someone said you guys look great together. You answered her pretty smoothly."

"It has never happened before. I just saw you freeze up and that was the first thing I said."

I just nodded.  _My hopes were up in space now, but I just need to open up more, way more... or maybe she was just really touchy and whatever about this stuff?_

"How's that film going?"

Kate fiddled with her fingers, "It's good, though they still need to find another actress. We already tried acting ourselves, but it wasn't that great."

I gasped, "Maybe Rachel could. She was in drama when we went to school. I don't know about Chloe, but it doesn't hurt to ask."

"It would be great, but neither really look like or are shy types."

"Shy types?"

"Yup, because both characters are very timid together. Though they know and suggested you, I declined just in case you didn't want to."

"It's more like I just can't. I never got into acting or anything." A pain in my chest hit me just at the  _thought_ of being a part of that.

It was quiet and we were listening to the water behind us. I thought about what Kate said, my mouth curling at the ends into a small smirk.

"Do you talk about me with your friends?" I crossed my arms.

"I do because recently, when I go to see them, I'm either with you or I'm going to see you. They ask a lot of questions about you."

"Like?"

"Just your personality or what you look like, stuff like that."

"I hope I don't sound way cooler than I actually am."

"You are cool!"

"You're way cooler than me."

"No, I'm not," she pushed me kind of hard, "I don't compare to you!"

I pushed her back, "I should be saying that to you."

After I said that, we continued to push each other back and forth, pushing a little harder than before, until we forgot why we were doing that at all. I grabbed her into a tight hug with one arm around her shoulders and we both laughed hysterically. Her head rested my shoulder and I could feel her hand holding me on my back.

We let go of each other, laughing awkwardly and shyly.


	18. Chapter 18

We left on another walk, arms locked together, through the bustling and crowded sidewalk. The afternoon became really hot and Kate was fanning her hand at me and herself. It was kind of working.

"The next place is going to be perfect for this weather." I looked over at her as she continued to fan.

"I hope it's that frozen yogurt place coming up." Kate referred to the bright pink sign in the distance. It was pink-and-blue, self-serving frozen yogurt, and it served different flavors every day. I may or may not have chosen the place to share again.

"Today's your lucky day!" I nodded. It certainly felt like my lucky day. I fucked up a couple times already, but I already have plans to fix it within the day.

"You really put a lot of work into this." She sounded like she was impressed.

"I didn't wanna let you down."

"You're not going to, Max. You're fine."

We entered the little shop, incredibly crowded and it was cold on impact, hearing one employee say "hello welcome!" as they worked behind the counter. I guided Kate through the crowd towards the towers of cups of various sizes we could choose from.

"Would you like to share again?" I asked her.  _I think I'm overdoing the whole sharing thing._

"You still don't feel bad about the whole cup thing, do you?" She placed her hand on my back again.

"No! No, no... no." My reply became less confident and quiet.

"Max."

"I don't feel bad!"

"Max."

"I kinda do!" I blurted. Kate's hand fell down to my lower back.

I took a step back, "But I really want to, for real. I'll forget the cup, we've been sharing all day."

She hummed and smirk, and said, "Okay, we can share. I'll pick this time."

She went ahead and picked the biggest cup and turned to look back and forth at the flavors. I followed behind her as she chose double cookies and cream, cinnamon roll, mint chip, and cheesecake. It was piled high, going above the rim, and it only got higher when she went to the toppings and added M&M's, Fruity Pebbles, and coconut flakes.

"You really went all out on that." I twisted the cup around to see all the different flavors she got.

"It's hot outside! You can't blame a girl for wanting so much."

"I'm not complaining."

When I bought the heavy cup of dessert, we were given two pink spoons and we left to the tables outside with blue, pink, and white umbrellas. Before eating, I obviously had to take a picture of it for the multiple colors and lighting, and then take a sudden one of Kate while she was on her phone. I tried to get a little bit of everything to eat, which was nearly impossible, and ate it. It was very delicious and it all went together so well, I almost made the same sound from the omelet.

"You like it?" She was only eating in tiny bits. I couldn't reply; I continued to eat in increasingly bigger amounts. About halfway, I started to feed her, since she kept eating in small bites. She had a huge grin every time I fed her, making me wonder if she was doing that on purpose. And of course, she did the same to me.

"Why do you keep eating like that?" I finally asked.

"No reason." She replied without making eye contact with me. She then took the cup for herself, not allowing me to get anymore.

"You ate here before?" She finished the bowl, leaving the rest of the melted yogurt.

"Everything we're doing today is new to me too," I pulled my hair tie out and fixed my hair up again, "Except for the last part of the day."

"How fun, I can't wait for the next place!"

The next location was very risky. I chose it because I found it very interesting and really wanted to go for myself, but I picked it for us to see her reaction to it. She had to have some interest in women, but the whole jumble of her being so touchy, compliment-y, yet also devoted to God and Christianity was killing me. The next destination was another museum with a little twist.

"I keep getting texts from my friends even though I told them to not do that." Kate grumbled as she put her phone back in her pocket.

"What are they asking for now?"

"Help with assignments for school and asking what we're doing. I haven't replied to any of them."

"You should tell them to stop."

We stopped at a crosswalk and waited for the light to turn. Kate kept a distance and when we stopped, she simply rolled her eyes.

"I don't want to. I just want a day with you."

"Unless it's like your family or something, by all means answer it."

"... Right. Same to you."

She became aloof in an instant.  _Did I say something wrong? I wouldn't want to._   _Should I ask again? Gah, I dunno!_ When we started to walk across, she held onto my arm again, but she didn't say another word. The whole walk was very quiet and I could hear her audibly huff in annoyance. I looked at her every couple of minutes and she gave a small and weak side smile every time. I had to stop for a second, taking her over to the shade and out of peoples' paths.  _Just ask, maybe she's fine._

"Kate, are you okay?" I grabbed Kate's hands.

"I'm fine. Why?" She said blandly.

"You're not talking anymore."

"It's nothing," she shook her head and held my hands firmly, "I'm exhausted from all the heat, you know?"

"Oh, do you want to sit down for a bit?"

"If you don't mind."

We went to the nearest bench in the shade, right next to a pizza shop, and we sat down. She instantly rested her head on my shoulder, letting out a tired sigh, and resting her hands on her lap.

"I didn't think it would become  _this_  hot. Will you be okay?" I rubbed her back.

"Yeah, it might be the beanie." she sat up straight again and then took her hat off. Her blonde hair was messy and she did her best to fix it.

"The one time I don't style my hair and this is what happens," She finally giggled again, "Sorry to worry you. We could go."

* * *

I ended up picking the GLBT History Museum. The building was brick and a lot of bright blue colors surrounding it and leading inside. On the window it held a sign, bright and clear, "gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender History Museum." The place was more of a personal choice; I really wanted to go personally.

"I've heard about this place!" Kate's eyes opened up and had a twinkle in them, "I've always wanted to go!"

"Oh, thank dog, I wasn't sure about this one. It was a little far." The last part was a lie. I was not worried about distance what so ever.

"No, it's perfect. I can't wait to see what's inside."

The building was a lot bigger on the inside. It started with a white room that moved in a circular path and had various memorabilia and the details within glass cases against the walls. Kate took the time to read every single one and look closer at the pictures. It leads into another white room full of photos and easels lining along the walls and sculptures in the middle.

Kate was silent, but she was smiling wide as she read and observed. I couldn't help but gaze at her more than the actual artworks around us. She finally noticed and her cheeks promptly turned pink.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

_This is my chance, try to flirt,_  "Because you're cute when you're excited."

Kate hit me on my shoulder and went back to looking at the glass cases, holding her beanie to her mouth to hide the smile she couldn't hold back. She avoided even touching me; she was probably really warm.

Once again, we were stopped by strangers who wanted to tell us how cute we were together and how pretty Kate was. It was flattering, but Kate was right, it really was easier to just say thanks. After the eighth person, I knew we had to look a little busier than just looking. I decided to stay behind again, taking out my camera to take pictures of the history and of Kate. I did the same, the back or side of her was best to see both her and the museum. I felt really inspired by all the black-and-white photographs of people of different races, backgrounds, and ages that took up a whole wall from ceiling to floor.

"I have so many ideas to draw out later." Kate said as we left the building.

"Me too," I squinted my eyes from the bright sunlight, "If you don't mind, we need to take the metro for our next and final stop."

"Oh, we're at the final already?"

"We're going to eat there too and it's huge. It's an hour away."

"Alright, lead the way, Max."

On the metro train, there were about twenty other people inside. Kate and I sat in a middle aisle. On our travel, she was on her phone.  _I'm actually kinda okay with her on her phone. Her friends were bothering her, after all._  I started to look over little-by-little, until I was just leaning over and my head was touching hers.

"Shi—Crap, sorry." I sat normally again.

She moved closer to me, "It's okay, you could look too. I'm reading my friend's suggestions and I just responded to them."

I looked again and there were text messages from someone named "Ledah."

**Ledah: Can I make it gayer?!**

**Me: You could if you want!**

**Ledah: Okay, so I'm thinking they are always with each other BUT only at the library and they always stealing glances or whatever and at one point they almost kiss and it's like AHHHHHHHHHHH BUT THEN—**

The message was way longer than that, but that was a lot to take in.

"What an excitable friend." I smiled. She seemed nice, but also unpredictable.

"She's the one directing it. She recently got into a relationship with a girl and she has been like this ever since."

I let out an understanding hum, "I feel like I would be the same way."

Kate only nodded, "I didn't want to keep her waiting, but I won't reply to this one. She undeniably told everyone else on the project."

She avoided what I said completely. I wanted to push on it or finally let this moment be the one where I finally asked her about it.

_"Hey, do you like girls?"_ __  
"Have you been with a girl before?"  
"Are you gay or bi or...?"

She went back to other texts, still allowing me to read them. However, there was a Victoria one that she ignored and turned off her screen. After putting her phone back, she put her beanie back on her head. There was one thing I haven't stopped thinking about, though.

"Hey, I'm sorry if this is super personal and you don't have to answer, there was something I've been wanting to ask."

I couldn't help but bite my bottom lip. The question was making me nervous.  _It is pretty invasive. It might give me an idea if she's gay? Unless she'll be vague again._

"It's fine, what's on your mind?" Kate looked at me and waited patiently. She had her hands together and her legs were crossed. I took a deep breath and I kept rubbing the back of my neck.

"You were talking to Rachel when we were studying and it's been stuck on my mind. Have you... Did you... D-did... W-what—"

"Oh... When I said the purity ring thing?" She already knew it, "Everyone asks about that."

"I'm sorry if it's weird."

"It's not. I'll tell you what I tell everyone. I don't wear it anymore for the exact reason you think."

My eyes widen so much, I think my eyes were going to pop out of my head.

Kate wasn't upset but rather, she was happy, laughing even, "That's usually the reaction I get."

"You don't feel awkward or weird for talking about it?"

"I've had to tell so many people, it doesn't matter anymore. People usually ask after I mention it, so you're the first to wait."

"It's pretty shocking. And that's it or did you ever have to elaborate?" I finally relaxed. Damn, I barely had my first kiss.

"I never told anyone beyond that. My friends try, but I don't know, I don't feel ready to do that? It was challenging enough convincing myself it was okay."

"That's understandable. Have you lost friends from talking about it?"

"Of course, plenty of friends. That makes me sad, but it happened a while ago and I don't regret anything. You don't have a changed opinion about me, right?"

"No, in fact, I feel a little closer to you now. I feel honored that you trust me."

"I've always trusted you." Kate reached over and held my hand. We interlocked our fingers and changed the subject to movies that came out recently and more books Kate would recommend.

* * *

We finally arrived at the outlet, the same one Rachel and I went and she spent around five-thousand and I nearly slipped into a coma from adding up everything. It was close to sunset and there were hundreds of people walking and shopping. It was the weekend and it only made sense it was full for the day.

"I've been here too, actually! Victoria shops a lot and she makes me hold her bags." Kate said that too happily.

"That's mean of her." I raised an eyebrow.  _Her roommate's such an asshole._

"It's how we connect."

We started our walk. I wasn't sure which stores Kate wanted to go into, so I told her to go into one whenever. In the meantime, we got into another conversation about her rabbit and how I personally have taken cared of plants.

"You named your plant Lisa?"

"I did! I did a pretty good job taking care of her too, but she's gone now because I accidentally drowned her."

"Oh my, did you ever get another one?"

"I haven't gotten around to it. At this moment, Chloe and Rachel are technically my moms and are looking after me."

"Did you check your phone if you ever got messages from them?"

"I could right now." I took my phone out, welcomed by multiple messages from Rachel and one from Chloe.

**Chloe: Text me so I can pick you up!**

**Rachel: I have big news!**

**Rachel: Will tell you when you come home!**

**Rachel: How's the date?!**

**Rachel: Don't ignore me!**

"I did, I'll reply right now." I did so, giving Chloe a single emoji and Rachel two different answers:  **Can't wait to hear** and **It's going great, mom.**

"They do seem like parents for you, now that I think about it."

"They're the cool parents."

On our walk, the first store Kate went into was Aeropostale, looking at colorful shirts and ripped jeans. She eventually tried some, making me wait outside her dressing room and asking for my opinion when she went out again. She stated she wasn't going to buy any of it and she just wanted my opinion. Of course, I thought she looked nice in all of them. We left again, Kate dragging me behind her by the hand.

"Who's walking fast now?" I teased.

Kate stopped abruptly and swiftly turned around, making me bump into her. I think our faces were an inch apart for a second.

"I already know what I want, but I want to try on things because I like it when you compliment me."

I couldn't reply and let her drag me around again. Into stores like Forever 21, Gap, and Levi's, she went in, grabbed clothes she liked, tried them on and made me check her out, and then leave without buying a thing. She told me to wear a couple of things and complimented me, but none of them were really my style. I could only describe them as either floral or white. About another hour had passed and suddenly, the weather was chilly again. I shivered, but Kate was shivering harder. I had to do something.

"Are you okay?"

She was shivering a lot and was trying to hug herself for warmth. She nodded and grinned, "I'm good."

I took my flannel off, fixing it off and draped it over her shoulders. I felt very bare after taking it off.

"Oh, Max, you don't have to do that!" She started to take it off, but I stopped her, holding the front together.

"You're way colder than me. You can use it. It matches and it looks way better on you than me." I let go and she started to put her arms through the sleeves.

"And that's why I like your compliments." She folded her arms again, continuing warming herself up again.

"I try," I chuckled, "Where to next, Kate Marsh?"

"Well, Max Caulfield, I'm a bit hungry so we should go to the food court for something."

"Agreed," I nodded, "What about after that?"

"Then I'm going to buy something for the both of us, but it's a surprise."

I groaned, "Are you cereal?"

"Yes, but you'll be happy once I give it to you."

We headed to the building that had all the foods and mini restaurants inside. Kate and I were only a little hungry, so we ordered from Wetzel's Pretzels for the pretzel bits covered in brown sugar and almonds. We shared from one bag, taking one at a time and walking around aimlessly along the brick path.

"Can I get a hint on what you're getting us?" I asked. My mouth was full when I asked.

"It's small." She deadpanned.

"Can I... wear it?"

"Yes."

"That's all I need to know." I handed the yellow and blue bag to her, letting her take the last pretzel bit. She ate it for herself and then threw it into the nearest trash can. She then grabbed my hand and started to go in the direction of whatever this mysterious store was. Hastily and clumsily, I grabbed my phone in order to take a picture of Kate dragging me along. It was a better reply to Rachel.

We ended up at Tilly's. Kate stopped and made me sit down at a nearby bench. It was finally sunset and the sky was blue, orange, and even slightly pink.

"You stay here and I'll be right back." Kate went into the blue and dim store. I was from a far distance, but I could vaguely hear rap music coming out of the place. Back on my phone again, I sent the picture to Rachel.

After taking another picture of the sky, I went back to my phone and scrolled through Tumblr again, looking at the memes and aesthetic pictures with dramatic text under them. I let out a drawn-out yawn, finally letting the day sink in.  _Everything felt so unreal from all places we went to being with Kate at all! I impressed her and I took her to all the places she always wanted to go. We held hands and we shared food and we learned about each other. Once I get home, I'm going to fall into complete bliss and won't be able to get out for days... weeks... maybe months._

What was the most mind-blowing of all was the fact that Kate was experienced. She had sex before with whoever, but it happened and broke her promise to God to wait.  _I hate how fixated I am. In fact, everyone else in her life is. I dunno if I am, though._ It was a curiosity to me and I wanted to know more. She was so shy but looks were deceiving after all.

It was a lot quicker than I thought, Kate already walked out with her hands behind her back and smiling from ear to ear. I stood up, my heart pounded and my cheeks burned from the sight of her in my plaid shirt and waited for her.

"Close your eyes." She told me right away.

"What is it?" I leaned over to see it, but she turned and hid it from me.

"Just close your eyes and hold your hand out, please?" She said sweetly.

I sighed, but obliged, closing my eyes and put my right hand out. I could feel Kate's soft hand and I felt a bracelet start to go on my wrist. I felt weird about the sensation and not being able to see it; I was uncomfortable, almost.

"Okay, open them." Kate sounded gentle.

I did so and I was met with her hand still holding mine, showing off the bracelets we now had. It was a braided bracelet; to me, it looked like shoe laces. Mine was yellow and black, and hers was green and white, with gold-colored aglets.

"I love it, Kate. This is so nice." I let go of her hand and twisted my wrist around to make it spin around and look at every part of it.

"I'm so glad you do. I was scared you were going to hate it or not say anything."

"No, I like it. I'll wear it all the time."

"I'll do the same."

We stayed at the bench to talk about random things, one of them being finding another time we could hang out together again.

"Do you go anywhere during the quarter breaks?" I tapped my foot to the beat of the Tilly's music.

"No, I stay at the apartment while my roommate goes out to parties and whatnot," Kate gripped the cuffs of my flannel, "Do you do anything?"

"Nope, I hole up at my apartment and get food from Chloe. I'm willing to bet that Chloe and Rachel have crazy plans, so if they are, I'll call you and see if you want to be a part of it?"

"I could try. I can't go too crazy, so I hope you don't mind that I might decline."

"It's all good. Chloe just might take me to a tattoo shop."

"Oh, you always wanted one?"

"This undercut changed me, Kate. I'm going rouge."

"So, you're a bad girl now?"

I chuckled at her comment, "Maybe. Do you want one? A tattoo, I mean."

"Ah, no, I've never been interested. I'll be there for support if you do get one. That's all I could provide."

"That's perfect, actually."

"Thought of any designs or ideas?"

"Well, I would go with a camera, but that's super obvious. I would get it on my left forearm, right below my inner elbow. Though, I had this shirt that I loved so much. It was a pink one and it said "Jane" on it, but right next to it was a female deer. So, like, Jane Doe, you know? Or just a deer, but I don't know where I would put that."

Kate hummed, "maybe... right here?"

She poked her finger on my back, right on my shoulder blade.

"That sounds like a good idea. I'm still thinking about it."

"Don't force yourself then. I wouldn't want you to regret it."

"I won't. I might even get a sleeve on my left to match Chloe's right arm."

"Okay,  _that_  I don't know if you would ever do." She snickered.  _Yeah, it was a ridiculous thing to say._

"You're right... Are you ready to go now?" I asked her.

She sighed, "I don't want to yet. This has been such an awesome day. I don't want it to end..."

"How about we take a picture then? To remember this day?" I took my camera off my body.

She nodded, timidly smiling. I put my arm around her, holding her close, and held the camera towards us. I waited for a second before I pressed the shutter. It flashed in our eyes and it made Kate laugh. We waited for the film to come out.

"Would you mind if I keep this one?"

"Not at all, I was gonna give it to you!" I replied, bumping my arm with hers.

I called Chloe after the photo was developed and waited for her. Kate told me that her apartment wasn't hard to miss and it was super abstract and built in an odd way. It took thirty minutes for Chloe to arrive with Rachel and we got into the backseats.

"Hey you two!" Rachel greeted us.

"Hey Rachel, hey Chloe." I greeted back.

"How were your guys' days?" Kate asked politely.

"It was complete ass, thanks." Chloe replied bitterly. Another customer pissed her off passed her limit. She wasn't going off like before, most likely because Kate was here. I remembered her saying that she had to see Dana tonight again. I hope she'll cool down until then.

"Nothing much really. I saw that video of your roommate and I need and want to meet her." Rachel turned and looked over her chair.

"She would lose her mind. I'll try to find a way to surprise her."

"Please do and I saw the picture you sent, Max. It was cute!"

"Thanks, I tried."

"What picture?" Kate looked at me with her eyebrow raised.

"When you were dragging me around."

Kate snickered and nodded, "Payback for you walking fast."

"Oh!" Rachel interrupted, "Speaking of paying back, Kate, we got you cake pops."

She presented the white box we all knew and loved and handed it to her.

"Aw, thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, it has been a long day, so just tell us your address and you could nap for a bit."

When Kate gave her address and we got back on the road, she rested her head on my shoulder and went into a deep sleep. I felt myself going to sleep too, but I stayed awake in case Rachel or Chloe had something to say.

"What's the good news, Rachel?" I asked her.

"Oh yeah! My manager is the fucking shit, okay, she set up a photoshoot for Vanity Fair and you'll be the one taking the photos. It's just the cover, but you'll be coming with us!"

My mouth fell open to the fucking ground. "Don't fucking joke with me!"

"I'm not fucking around! Tomorrow, we'll be going to a studio and you'll be working with so many different people, you'll be exposed to all of it!"

"Holy shit..." I cursed under my breath. I couldn't believe it.

"It's a photoshoot for me and Chloe, so you better make us look good!"

Chloe finally laughed. Since she didn't seem as mad, I took the opportunity to say another nickname I came up with.

"Chlomoji, why—"

"Leave. The. Damn. Nicknames. To. Me. Max." She hissed through her teeth.

"Chloe... why are you so mad?"

"Worst workday ever! Everyone was fucking up! Us, the customers, the machines, fuck this day!"

I checked on Kate and she was still asleep after all that yelling.

"… Don't you have to see Dana tonight?"

"Shit!"

The rest of the ride was quiet for Kate and I was still stuck on how unreal the whole day was. It was the best day I could think of, if not better, and it was like it ended too soon.

"We're here." Chloe said, a slight bitterness in her tone.

I shook Kate around and she woke up with a groan.

"We're here, Kate. Want me to walk you to your door?" I asked jokingly.

"Do you want to?" She grumbled, rubbing her eye.

I thought about it. I mean, it would be the polite thing to do.

Kate got out first with the box of cake pops and I followed her to her front door. Her apartment was on the first floor.

"I had the best time today, Max." Kate said tiredly. She was still smiling, nonetheless.

"Me too, let's do that again sometime."

"Absolutely." She nodded. We told each other goodnight and to sleep well and I walked away after she unlocked her door. As I left, I didn't look back, but I could hear her door opening and closing again.

When I got into the car and they drove again, Rachel and Chloe were giggling. More likely they were trying to hold laughter back. Chloe drove away and then they laughed harder.

"What's so funny?"

Rachel turned to me, "You left your flannel!"

"Shit!"


	19. Chapter 19

I was lying on the couch, restless and still fiddling with the bracelet. I still wasn't over the fact that she gave me her favorite color. It was eleven, Chloe left to HUE sf again and Rachel already went to sleep, leaving me in the dark and staring at the bright TV screen. I was getting up to check on my phone that was charging and to see if Kate sent any messages. She has sent a few during my car ride back, but all she said was that she put the polaroid in a book as a bookmark and reminding me how she had a great time today.

When it was around eleven-thirty, I took a chance and decided to sleep. Throughout the night, I kept waking up every thirty minutes. I was becoming more exhausted every single time. I think I heard Chloe come home at one point. I was definitely anxious for tomorrow, having to photograph Rachel and Chloe with an elite fashion team, and it'll be published on millions of covers. I was able to get about two hours of sleep, tops.

"WAKE UP, MAX!" I heard yelling, banging pots and pans, and someone shaking me all at once. I woke up so disoriented, I thought I was going to die in that moment. Chloe was the one shaking me, stopping me once I sat up.

"Sorry, Max," Rachel stopped banging the pots in her hands, "We're working like me for a day."

"What time is it?" I asked through a yawn.

"It's almost five in the morning."

They were still in their pajamas, so I could only assume they just leaped out of bed and then came to me. My head was still spinning from all the commotion.

"You wake up to pots banging?"

"In the beginning," she nodded and grabbed my arms, pulling me up, "Alright Max, time to get ready."

I took a really long shower and threw on my favorite blue jeans and a boring white shirt. My hair was still a mess, but I still put it up. Lastly, I grabbed my Polaroid camera, simply because of wanting memories. Chloe felt the exact same way—groggy with very dark circles under her eyes—and it showed in her eyes. She sat next to me on the couch, looking very grumpy and had her arms folded tightly. Her time at the club was not kind to her. Somehow at this hour, Rachel was glowing and skipping around happily.

"You did this every day?" I rested my head on Chloe's shoulder.

"It's usually earlier, but thank god it's at six, am I right?" She said gleefully.

Chloe and I groaned at the same time.

* * *

Sadly, for Chloe, she had to drive. Rachel stayed in the back with me so I could stay awake. It was becoming sunrise yet it was still dark blue; it was rather haunting from the streetlights to the empty street. It was picture perfect moment—though, I chose not to.

"Are you ready?" Rachel asked.

"I think so? I need some coffee and then I'll be able to take your pictures."

"Well yeah, but after that!"

"Yeah, Rache, ready as I'll ever be. Is it an official "we're a couple" kinda thing?"

"Yeah, my manager was like, "might as well.'"

I lightly snickered and smirked, "I'll try to make you guys pretty. I haven't had to use a professional camera in a while."

"You'll do amazing. Trust me, you'll have the time of your life and it's one more thing on your resume."

"That is very true." I had to agree, since I haven't had anything to add to a resume, therefore, was grateful for this opportunity. I took deep breaths to keep myself awake, but there were plenty of times where I passed out for a minute then regain consciousness again. We arrived at a large white building, with only a sign that stated it was a studio on the side.

"Is this legit?"

"I've done some shoots here before. Don't be scared already, Max! We haven't even gotten inside."

"I'm just asking." I shrugged my shoulders.

On the inside, it was what I expected: bright lights, white background, stylists, makeup artists, and another crew to look at pictures on separate screens. I knew it was going to be fast paced and pose-after-pose with a lot of yelling, but I tried my keep my composure and to stop my hands from shaking so much.

"Rachel, you're here!" A man sitting at the computer screens announced loudly, standing up and going to Rachel, kissing her cheeks in some weird greeting.

"Charmed," she shined her best smile, "This is Chloe and, the best photographer I know, Max."

"Best photographer, huh? You call yourself that?" He was very flamboyant, but he terrified me.

"No, sir, only Rachel calls me that."

He groaned, "So formal and  _awkward_. Anyways, get to hair and makeup, we need to get this show on the road!"

He pranced away to help with lights. I sighed. I really had something to prove to everyone in this room. I've learned lots of things about fashion photography, which was a lot of work from lighting to specific poses for different colors and themes.

As I was taught to set up the fancy Nikon camera by another person, Rachel and Chloe sat in makeup chairs surrounded by groups of men and women with brushes and makeup palettes. It was a plain white background, some black and white stools on the side, and studio lights from both sides. I had plenty of ideas, but I had to wait until I see the outfits. In fact, I wouldn't want to use the plain background, but that probably wasn't allowed.

I tested out the camera and, though not my style, it was exciting. It was so clear and everything looked so bright through the lens.

I watched as Rachel and Chloe were getting their makeup done, but it wasn't over the top, it was more of a natural look, so to speak. I could see Rachel's highlight from the other side of the room; Chloe's discomfort was obvious too. I went up to them, at a reasonable distance so I didn't get in the way. However, I did use my Polaroid to capture them in that moment.

"Are you okay, Chloe?" I raised my voice.

"I'm alright!"

It was typical eyeliner and nude colors. Rachel sat incredibly still and looking at her phone while Chloe was gripping the arm rests and her feet kept shifting around. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I walked away from them.

**Kate: I'm sorry Max! I took your shirt!**

**Me: kek It's okay Kate. We were tired and you looked pretty comfortable in it.**

**Kate: I was. I can give it back to you later today.**

**Me: Sure, sounds great.**

I was tempted to say she could just keep it. We already have a lot of things to remember yesterday, so maybe clothing was a stretch? I looked at my bracelet and my heart skipped a beat.

**Kate: What plans do you have for today?**

_Right, she was still asleep when Rachel told me._

**Me: I'm with Rachel and Chloe for a photoshoot. I'm the one taking the shots.**

I felt prouder and prouder to say that.

**Kate: How exciting! I guess I'll leave you be so you could take them.**

**Me: I'll text you after.**

**Kate: Okay TTYL.**

I should have asked what her plans were, but they were most likely either meeting her friends for the film or staying home with her roommate.

I went back to the backdrop to observe it. What poses could be done? Since it was an official way of coming out to the whole world, it had to be intimate yet still them. It was going to be hours before we could actually start, because there was still hair and outfits to be styled, so I went into another area of the building into another room and finally found all the drinks and snacks on an oblong table.

Jackpot.

* * *

I spent most of the time walking around with a donut in one hand and coffee in the other. I spoke to a lot of the crew and asking what it was like to work in such a crazy industry. A lot of them were very against the whole super skinny and Photoshop side of it. They praised Rachel and loved her but were forced to fix something like makeup and hair at the very least. I went up to Rachel and Chloe, who were still sitting in their chairs, but now waiting for everything to set up for hair.

"Wish I could eat..." Rachel sighed as she stared at it in my hand.

"You want a little piece?" I broke off a really small piece and tried to hand it to her, but Chloe took it.

"I saw my outfit. I wouldn't want to bloat even a little bit."

"Oh, crop top, maybe?"

"It's sorta like that bra I wore with the leather jacket." She reminded.

"Does that fit the theme?"

Rachel looked at the backdrop, and then glared at me, "There's a theme?"

"... Maybe, I didn't hear anything about one. I've been trying to think of one because there's practically nothing here."

Rachel hummed, resting her head on her hand as she placed her elbow on her armrest, "Do tell."

"All I see right now is black-and-white colors, so I feel as though everything is so boring? Chloe's hair is going to be the brightest part of it."

"That's a good thing, right?" Chloe didn't seem worried. In fact, she was really happy about it.

"It is! There's contrast, but I need to balance the colors and think about eye movement."

"Now you're talking like a professional!" Rachel pointed at me as she said that.

I chuckled, "I got to. Is there a certain way you would like to be to posed, though?"

"We never modeled together," Rachel reached over and held Chloe's hand, "so, it'll be a lot of experimenting."

"Got it. I might suggest something, so be prepared."

"We're ready for anything!"

After finishing my drink, taking another picture of them on their makeup chairs, doing peace signs and sticking their tongues out, I left to practice more with the fancy and incredibly expensive camera. It had to be portrait, at the right distance, but I haven't found the right pose. It was difficult for me to find one, because one, it'll be awkward instantly if it's completely off, and two, they were a couple, but I didn't want to be too cheesy or forced.

For the next few hours, I was walking around both inside and around the outside. I ended up taking photos randomly like the set on the inside and the cars outside in order to get my brain going. I only had a couple of ideas by the time I went back inside again.

Chloe looked like a different person when I got back inside. They shaved her hair down except for the top, which they cut slightly shorter and wavy, and her hair was a mix of blue and purple. It was a pixie cut and Rachel's wide eyes spoke louder than words.

"Holy shit, Chloe, you look great." I said in awe.

"You think so? This is new for me." Chloe kept moving her head from side to side as she looked in the mirror.

"I'm hella gay right now..." Rachel tried to say at low volume, but I heard it.

Chloe smirked at her, "That might help with the photoshoot."

I only chuckled as I took another picture of them gazing passionately at each other. They were already in their outfits. Rachel was in black, a bralette and incredibly tight jeans, and Chloe was in white, in a dress shirt unbuttoned halfway to show her chest and a pair of white jeans. White pants didn't quite match her, but it's only for the day. Strangely, they were both barefoot.

"Why can't I button this shit?" Chloe started to button her shirt up again.

"They styled it that way." Rachel then started to unbutton.

Chloe had every right to feel weird about it; she wasn't wearing a shirt or bra under.

"You just want to stare."

"That's the point."

I only rolled my eyes, but cleared my throat, "Did you guys think of any poses you would like?"

"Nope," Rachel turned to me, "Did you?"

"I thought of a couple, but it was hard."

"It is! I don't want this photo to just be fashion. I just want it to look like a normal couple photo. Normal for us."

"I was thinking of that too. I'll try not to make it too cheesy."

"Oh fuck, I hate that." Chloe jeered.

"Which is why, Chloe, I'll try my best to not do that."

"You're the boss, Maxonista."

I chuckled at that, "Anyway, can I take a few practice shots of you guys separately? I would like to warm up."

"Of course, let's get started!" Rachel clapped her hands together.

She went first since she was the professional. She already knew her angles and her poses, from cute and warm poses to alluring and sexual poses, all in poses from standing and sitting on the stool. She had the look in her eyes, the placement of her hands, the shape of her body, even the flow of her hair, all down pat.

Chloe, on the other hand, was rather stiff in the beginning. Everything was so angled and didn't flow right, her face was stuck on two expressions of either pissed or nothing at all, and placement of hands and feet were awkward. At one point, Rachel had to go in and help her relax a bit, talking to her and feeling on Chloe's arms and sides.  _Hell, even I knew that she could do better than that… that's a lie._

The man that called me formal and awkward, who was apparently the model coach, was helping her on the side by doing poses and all she had to do was copy them. It took about fifteen minutes before she finally loosened up and started doing poses she was comfortable with. She moved her arms up and she just started dancing around, making me time and wait patiently for the right moment.

"Damn, donut girl's really good at this!" One person at the computer screens complimented.

I let out a breathy laugh. I didn't think anyone actually noticed me eating and walking. Chloe eventually stopped hopping around and looked at me, out of breath, "Are we good now?"

"Yeah, I think we're ready to start for real." I said confidently.

Rachel, Chloe, and I walked up to each other in front of the background. Chloe was sweating and shining under the light, trying to even her breath again. Rachel was rubbing her back, laughing at how winded she got from dancing around.

"Alright, what pose did you have in mind, Max... Barker? Is that the dude's name?" Chloe's face looked very confused.

"Yup!" Rachel replied, "What's on your mind, Maxie?"

"Well," I started, "Since you reminded me of the time we did a mini fashion show and Chloe swept you off your feet, literally, that one time, I was thinking to get you two back in that pose again."

"When she carried me? That doesn't sound too bad. Is it a profile shot?"

"Yeah, I have a feeling those pictures I just took will be used on other pages, so don't worry about the outfits. We could try some front shots, but I couldn't think of any that didn't look awkward or not you two, you know what I mean?"

"We got you. What do you say, Chloe?"

"Let's do this," Chloe whooped, "Besides, I know that pose  _all too well_."

They went back to their stage and I grabbed the camera again. I couldn't help but notice that Chloe might have gotten a little taller. She grabbed Rachel right away and wrapped her legs around Chloe's waist in one fluid motion. Chloe's face was pretty much in Rachel's chest.

"That's... interesting." The model coach said, but impressed, nonetheless.

"I got this, sir." I got closer to change their pose.  _They're happy. Like, they weren't pretending anymore, I felt._ At this point, Rachel had her arms around Chloe's neck and Chloe was jokingly motor-boating her. They eventually stopped, taking  _way_ too long to notice we were all watching. I chuckled and shook my head at them before I started.

"Can you move your hair over? Like, flip it to the other side?" I told Rachel, making a motion with my arm over my head.

Rachel smoothly flicked her head and all her hair moved to the other side, towards the background.

"Hold her a little higher."

Chloe did so, bouncing her upwards.

"Uh, a little lower."

Chloe rolled her eyes but followed.

"Move your arm, Rachel."

Rachel's arm towards me covered half of Chloe's face. She moved it down slightly.

"That light over there needs to be higher." I pointed to the light on Rachel's side. Some of the workers fixed it up, perfectly aiming it more towards the front of them.

"Alright, now, to make this as natural as possible, make her laugh." I didn't specify who to make who laugh, because one of them was going to regardless. I walked away again, readying my camera and waited.

Chloe did so right away, I could hear her whispering and Rachel giggling. I watched as it was getting progressively louder and Chloe was starting to have a large grin and laugh herself. It was infectious; everyone else in the room was laughing along with them. I started to take pictures when they, and everyone else, was piqued and at the breaking point. I went with their profile and straight-on, no different angles or heights, and it felt perfect.

I felt like I took about hundred photos of them like this and stopped when Rachel nearly fell off.

"Oh shit!" Rachel exclaimed through her laughter. I wonder what Chloe said that this was the reaction.

"How do they look?" I went and looked at the photos on the screens.

When the guy that called me donut girl wiped a tear off his ear and finally finished he yelled out, "Fucking perfect!"

"It's a wrap!" I announced. The room erupted into a mix of giggles and applause.


	20. Chapter 20

The rest of the day was me watching on the side as another photographer came to take pictures for the inside of the magazine. Rachel and Chloe were having fun being together and doing outfit changes. I was told to not take any pictures on my Polaroid while this was happening. It was around lunchtime, they weren't done just yet, so I left the building and called Kate, hoping she was available.  _She should answer. From the texts, I have a feeling she was staying home today._

"Hey Max." She answered happily.

"Hey, finished with the photoshoot but they still have more to do with another guy."

"How cool! Was it fun?"

"Super fun, I had a great time! But, I forgot to ask. What are your plans for today?"

She laughed lightly, "Nothing, really. I went to church, did more sketches, watched TV, and practiced on my violin. I'm just writing now to pass the time."

"You're definitely more productive than me. What are you writing?"

"You know, friends keep telling me to revise and revise the film. I think today will finally be the last time I do it."

"Do you want to read it to me? See if it sounds good?"

"Maybe when I'm done! We actually found actresses, so they're finally filming some scenes here and there."

"I really need to see it sometime."

"You will. Do you want to see the filming or the final product?"

I hummed, "Hm... both!"

"I'll see if you could come watch! They have been wanting to meet you, actually."

"They sound cool, but they do help you with revisions, right?"

"They do sometimes, but they depend on me to write it out for them."

I sat there quietly. I could faintly hear music playing on Kate's side, papers moving around, and her putting her pencil down. It wasn't weird, strangely. It was very comforting knowing she was there, listening. I was sweeping my feet against the concrete, listening to the scrape on the bottom of my shoe.

"I have an idea." She said.

"What is it?"

"Describe something to me. I'll try to guess what it is."

"Like, things I'm seeing right now?"

"Where you are, things you like, anything at all and I'll try to guess. We could make it twenty questions."

"Sure, sounds fun," I looked around me to describe it, but everything was so generic, "Okay, I got it, you ask something."

"Alright, um, is it a place?"

"No." I started to walk around the parking lot again. I've passed every single car for the fifth time already.

"Are you looking at it right now?"

"No."

I heard Kate tapping her pencil, "Is it a living thing?"

"Yes."

"Is it an animal?"

"No." I smiled.  _I wonder if she was ever going to get it._

"Is it a person?"

"Yes."

"Is it a boy?"

"Nope."

"Is it a girl?"

"Yes."

"Is she... blonde?"

"Yes."

"Is she a celebrity?"

"No."

She huffed, "I thought you would be describing Rachel."

"Nope, that would be too easy."

"Okay then... Is she a character from something?"

"No."

"Does she go to our school?"

"Yes."

"Do you have a class with her?"

"Yes."

"Is she tall?"

"Uh... no."

"Do you see her a lot?"

"Yes."

"Is she pretty?"

"Yes, she's very pretty."

"Do you like her?"

I paused for a second. I wasn't sure how she was interpreting "like." I could only assume she meant in a friendly way, but I could only take a chance. It was true either way. I hesitated for a long time. Too long, in fact.

"Max? Are you there?" Kate spoke up again.

"... Maybe. Those count as questions, by the way."

"You did that on purpose!"

"You have one more question."

Kate was silent for a moment. I continued to walk around, starting to feel the weather cool down and it was even a little windy. Kate started to hum along to the song in the background, thinking of what her last question could be.

Then Kate gasped, "It's me, isn't it?!"

"You're correct!" I physically jumped.

"What do you mean maybe for the other question?! I thought you liked me!"

"Hey, I was just trying to throw you off." That was a lie. She actually sounded a little sad.

She let out what sounded like a "hmph!". I giggled at the sound. She had to be biting into her cheek and furrowing her eyebrows. It was cute in my head. She wasn't mad though. We started to giggle together. I leaned on the building and held my hand over my mouth, easing my giggling to a stop.

"You're so silly, Max." Kate said.

"This game was your idea."

"You did well though! You tricked me."

"Why thank you. I never got that before."

That topic ended with our laughter stopping at the same time.

"Oh Max, Victoria actually left a little bit ago and she said she won't be back until tonight. If you guys finish the photoshoot soon, you can come back to my apartment. Plus, we could definitely surprise her if Rachel is already inside."

"I'll ask them! Rachel will love to do that. What is your roommate doing that she'll be back late?"

"She's a party girl, so she takes advantage of the weekend for it, I think I mentioned it to you before. Anyway, I have to call another friend right now, so let me know if you can come over or not, okay?"

"Okay Kate, maybe see you later?"

"Maybe! Bye Max."

I sighed, the corners of my mouth persisted into a grin. My cheeks felt hot as I pressed my hands into them and I stared at the ground trying to comprehend the feeling I was having. It was so different and new. It made my heart feel so full and my mind so flustered and cluttered with pure happiness.

"Whoa, Max Machina," Chloe's voice interrupted, "Are you sick?"

Chloe towered over me, back in her ripped jeans and tank top, with her fingers through her hair. All the makeup from her face was gone too.

"No, I don't know what I'm feeling right now." I looked up at her, letting out a dreamy sigh.

"I think what you're looking for is gay piece of garbage."

I leaned my head back against the building, "Yeah..." It was a wistful, almost lost in space sort of tone in my voice. A tone I've never used before.

"Holy shit. Well, when you're done, we can finally go out somewhere."

"You guys are done?"

"For today," she said, irritated, "I dunno how she does this every day. And like it."

"I guess you won't be becoming a model."

"Hell no, I'll stick to coffee making. That other guy was so fucking annoying."

"And the alcoholic drink making thing."  _Saying that felt weird… She might drink at work too, and then drive like that… I would hate for that to happen. Ever._

"That too! I start for real on Saturday, but it's piece of cake."

"I wish I was confident like that."

"And you can, just keep  _acting_ like you're confident. I think that's how that advice goes."  _Huh, that's good advice, actually._

* * *

When Rachel finally came out, we all hopped into Chloe's car and went out to eat. We were searching for a fast food place for now; Rachel said, and I quote, "fuck me up." We all agreed on eating In-N-Out, but it was a far drive.

"Had fun, Max?" Rachel looked back at me, her tone was like a mom picking her kid up from a birthday party.

"I did! Thanks for allowing me to take pictures for such a high-end magazine."

"I wanted you to take those pictures! It was fun and I'll ask for some shots for your portfolio."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." I thumped myself on my forehead. Rachel only laughed at my forgetfulness.

"By the way, did you just walk around outside earlier, like in a circle? I was wondering where the hell you went."

"Yeah, I was talking to Kate on the phone. Which reminds me, do we have time to go see her? She said that we can come over and you could scare her roommate."

"Oh, my god, yes! I need to do that! After we eat, and then we'll talk about how we're going to do that."

It was an hour-long drive. All three of us talked about random things like graffiti and signs we pass to Rachel's sudden follower growth. She even started trending for a bit online from the interview. It all ended very quickly and Rachel was grateful for that, as she explained that she stayed home to reply to any fans on all her social medias and to not get hounded by paparazzi trying to find her.

"Should we use the drive-through instead?" I asked.

"I mean, if people are going to recognize us, then so be it. My manager's probably finding bodyguards right now."

"You mean just you two, right?"

Without missing a beat, Rachel replied, "Nope, you too, Max."

"... Excuse me?"

"You too, Max, I told you before that I was going to upload a photo of us." She handed me her phone.

It was open on her Instagram, filled with pictures of her and Chloe from just being in bed to today, where they were in the studio getting their hair done. Side by side, there were two pictures just for me. One was the whole collage I took of her when we decided to walk down the street and the other one was when we were doing the fashion show.

I pressed the one with my face actually in it. I was really curious what the comments said.

_This is my friend, Max! She's the one who took those amazing polaroids! She's hella cute, right?!_  I read the comments under her caption and a good majority were agreeing and some even asked if I had an Instagram or if I was single.

"This is so crazy." I said. I started to look through her pictures.

"Hey, it's okay! People won't go up to you, I know it."

I made a hum of agreement, but I kept scrolling through her phone. There were a lot of changes in colors. Her more recent ones were so bright and she was smiling in complete bliss. Even before this whole coming out thing, all the locations and foods she took were stunning. When the pictures turned black-and-white with little to no emotion showed in her selfies, I knew it was the time she was away and travelling.

I gave it back before I dived in too far.

"Being famous seems so stressful..." I scratched my head.

"I don't want to call myself that, but it is. I won't let myself do anything crazy though. Already passed that phase in high school, right, Chloe?"

"Yep! It's still happening for me, if we're being real."

"Well, you passed the whole weed thing."

"You're right. I guess I like drinking more."

Rachel chuckled, the uncomfortable, forced kind of laugh, "Yeah."

When they laughed, it was quiet after. I remembered Rachel's face when I first told her about Chloe and her habit, distant and… disappointed. Then, I remembered their fight. So maybe, those angry feelings were still lingering around. However, as long as she was here, Chloe was drinking less and she was happier. Both of them were. The radio played its pop music softly. I finally sent a message to Kate that we'll be over soon.

* * *

What we expected at the In-N-Out was to be surrounded by people and not being able to eat at all. Though there were people who wanted pictures with Rachel, it was surprisingly tame and we were able to sit down and actually have our meals. There was something about In-N-Out's white and red colors surrounding us from the walls to the tables and chairs, the loud chatter of people, the employees yelling out numbers, and the overpowering smell of french fries that just felt right.

We bought five fries (Rachel wanted three), three cheeseburgers, and three vanilla milkshakes. We sat at a table for four people, but of course they sat together and I got the third wheel seat.

"I felt like I haven't eaten here in years." Rachel moaned as she finished chewing on fries.

"I've never seen you eat so fast." I was more amazed than shocked.

"I'm hella hungry, okay!"

She was already halfway done with her burger. She did avoid eating during the whole photoshoot, even something small and would not affect her in any way.

"Do we have to go tomorrow, Rache?" Chloe said, bitterly.

"With a photographer like that, we can't just skip out. Trust me, I  _hate_  him too, I do, but it'll be over before you know it."

Chloe mumbled angry curses under her breath, staring at the bite marks in her burger.

"You'll be fine, hemoChlobin." Rachel gives her a quick kiss on the cheek. Chloe smiled, but didn't look at her.

"I thought you said to leave the nicknames to you." I pointed out.

"Yeah, but yours suck ass." Her voice emphasized "ass" with an angry tone. I just went back to eating again, frowning and slouching in my seat.

* * *

Our meal was over before we knew it and yet, somehow, Rachel looked exactly the same. On the drive back, Kate didn't text back until we were about five minutes away from her apartment.

**Kate: Sorry, I took a nap. Are you nearby?**

**Me: It's alright, Kate. And yeah, less than five minutes.**

Something felt different from Kate's message. I didn't know what it was, so I shook it off.

At her apartment, it was kind of creepy and the whole black-and-red colored building was very off-putting. Parking on the side of the street, we went to number 20, and Chloe did her signature knock and just banged her fist against the door. A minute passes before Kate opened the door, greeted by her in her teal pajamas, her hair in a messy bun, and tired eyes.

"Hi you guys, sorry that I don't look well." She opened the door wider.

"It's okay, are you sick?" Rachel reached over and felt Kate's forehead.

"No, I was sleeping," she yawned and then moved aside, "Come in."

We followed and went into the small apartment, welcomed by the living room filled with cream-colored walls, a big flat-screen TV, black leather couches, and a matching colored coffee table. I recognized everything, even the pillows, from the video.

"Welcome to my home away from home," Kate announced, "Please, seat down. I need to make myself some tea."

I sat myself on the couch, sinking into it and it was so comfortable. The pillows against my back were so soft. The couch was L-shaped and Chloe took advantage of that and lied down on the longer seat.

"How was the photoshoot?" Kate asked from the kitchen.

"It was fun!" Rachel replied, "Max did such a good job and she made it so exciting, and then the other photographer came and it was so... suck-y..."

"That's a shame. It must be so tiring having to pose and change clothes many times."

We heard a tea kettle start to whistle and then stop.

"It really depends for me. Today, it was one of those tiring days."

Kate came over with a white mug in hand and sat next to me. Looking closer, her pajama pants had a print of a cartoon chick peeking out of its egg all over it and her sweater was plain but matching in color. She even had her bracelet on.  _Wowser, it's really cold in here. Does she prefer it to feel like winter still?_

"Aw, I'm sorry that it was one of those days. If I knew, I wouldn't have asked you guys to come."

"Don't even worry about it! We wanted to come over!"

Kate smiled and then sipped from her cup, "I appreciate you three taking the time out."

It had been more of a conversation between them two, while Chloe and I made our own with just our facial expressions.

"By the way, I really like your hair, Chloe."

"Thanks," she ruffled with her own hair, "It was cut like this just for the shoot."

"Oh wow, can they really take off that much?"

Chloe just shrugged, "Free haircut, I can't complain."

"I wouldn't complain either."

"Anyway," Rachel butted in, "You said "home away from home." Where are you from, originally?"

"I'm from Oregon."

"Holy crap, we all were! Well, I'm actually from Long Beach, but I lived there! Were you near Arcadia Bay at all?"

"No, my town was a couple miles away. I went to a boarding school as well, so that was far to ever pass."

I felt awkward sitting there in between.

"What school was it?"

"It was a Christian academy. I went there for all my high school years."

Rachel scoffed, "Not surprised by that."

"Now that I think about it, I've only been to Christian schools until now." Kate laughed at herself. I could only imagine what being in those kinds of schools were like.

She placed her mug down on the coffee table, which had scattered fashion magazines on it. One, in fact, had Rachel on the front.

"How would you like to scare her?" Kate said with a slightly sinister smile.

"Not really sure, you know her fears, right?"

"Her fear, that I know of, is me going into her room," Kate looked over to the hallway behind Chloe, "I've never gone in before."

"But..." I finally spoke up, "You've known her for a year?"

"I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. It's locked. Ironic, because she forgot the apartment key."

"Yikes and you lived with her for  _this_  long?"

"I mean, this is way better than before. At least she talks to me directly now."

"Oh god, what?" Rachel's eyes widened, "Okay, yeah, I need to scare her. Let's use this."

She grabbed the magazine with herself on it.

"Someone in here needs to pretend to know magic," She continued, "Can't be Max, she sucks at acting, and if she knows me, she knows Chloe."

I actually felt physically hurt. First, I sucked at nicknames and now this.

"So, just me?" Kate didn't look too comfortable with that.

"Does she fall for things easily?"

Kate placed her hand on her chin, "... Somewhat."

"Good enough," Rachel then grabbed Chloe's and my shoulder and pulled us in, "Group in. I have a plan."

* * *

We expected to stay long, but not  _two-in-the-morning long_.

"We should have brought clothes to stay over." I bumped my arm with Kate's. Rachel and Chloe were in the living room, practicing where to hide and where Rachel will position herself to scare Victoria.

Kate and I were in her room. It was as I expected: very clean, organized, and lots of pastel colors. Her walls had a few posters of inspirational quotes along with a circular mirror by her door, and right on her nightstand was a Bible, of course. Her pet rabbit was on top of her dresser just munching on a carrot; she was incredibly cute. Against the dresser was her violin. We sat on her bed as she tried to teach me a game called Slide.

"Wish you could. But Victoria has class, I have to meet my friends in the morning, and Rachel and Chloe said they have more photographs to take."

" _I_  don't have class."

" _You_  don't have clothes here."

Slide was a hand game that involved a lot of clapping, coordination, and rhythm. Clapping was fine, but I didn't have the other two, so we would stay in sync for about five times and then I'd lose it. It was just a lot of hand holding every time I messed up.

"Okay, but Einstein wore the same suit every day for a whole week."

Kate smirked, she wasn't going to give in to that, "Are you saying you're Einstein?"

"… Yes, I am."

She shook her head, "Let's make a deal then. If we get passed twenty, then you can stay."

I groaned, grabbing her hands, "I'm glad you believe in me, but we know that's not happening."

Kate looked up at the ceiling in thought. I looked up too and let go of her hands.

"How about I make it up to you?" She looked back at me with a smile. I looked back and tilted my head to the side, leaning back on my hands.

"Since we had such an awesome day yesterday, how about I'll take us somewhere next Sunday? We'll hang out all day again."

_Did I really have to think about it? Of-fucking-course I want to go!_

"Yes! Absolutely… um, I would love to."

Before Kate could say anything, there was a knock on the door. It wasn't Chloe-aggressive, but it was demanding enough. Kate got up and, when she was at the door, she put her finger to her lips to shush me. She turned off the light and closed the door.

I went up to the door again and opened it a crack. I watched as Kate went to the door; I think Rachel and Chloe were hiding in the dark in the kitchen. When the door opened, there was Victoria. She had a blonde pixie cut, wearing a really tight black dress and a big burgundy fur coat _. Dear dog, I hope it was faux._  In her hand were her heels.

"Hey Victoria."

"Hey Katie," She greeted back, "That party was crazy! You need to go to one sometime!" She crashed onto the couch, right where we wanted her to be.

"Ah no, I prefer to stay home, you know that already." Kate sat next to her.

"You need to lighten up sometime."

All three of us were just waiting for the keyword we all established. There was a pounding in my chest and tingle through my fingers.

"I have been. I already told you about Max."

"Yeah and she sounds fucking weird."

Kate shushed her.

"Sorry, she sounds  _very lovely_." Her voice was dripping in sarcasm.  _Did she hate me?_  I couldn't dwell on it for so long; I shook my head rapidly to get the thought out. I continued to watch.

"You still don't believe that she's friends with Rachel and I know her?"

"I'm getting there."

"Well, maybe I could prove it to you."

"And how will you do that, Marsh?"

"I've been looking into some tricks and magic lately and—"

"Oh, my god, I don't have time for this. This is a prank, isn't it?"

"Do I look like I could do pranks?"

"... You have a point. Whatever, I'll go along, I guess."

"Yay!" Kate clapped her hands, "Okay, so we'll have to clean this table except for something with Rachel on it. Which, we just so happen to have."

Kate said she was a bad actress and yet, she was doing all of this naturally.

"So, close your eyes, Victoria."

I could hear her release an irritated groan, but I think she did as she was told. Kate started wave her hand in front of Victoria's face, making sure she couldn't see anything.

"And we're just going to sit here."

"Oh, no cheesy spells or make me do something embarrassing?"

"Nope, we're going to sit and  _wait_. Tell me why you like Rachel so much."

"Wait" was the keyword. Rachel and Chloe crawled out of wherever they were hiding and did their best to quietly get into position. She lied down on top of coffee table, on her back and acted like she was just dead on top of it. Chloe helped with straightening anything out and fixing her hair. When everything looked good, she sent me a thumbs-up and then crawled back to her spot.

"What isn't there to like? She's pretty, confident, well-spoken, and she's accepting everyone for who they are."

"Wow, I don't know why you get so mad about me knowing her."

"It's just a big deal to me! Katie, it's two AM right now, where are we going with this?"

"Okay, open your eyes."

When I assume she opened her eyes, Rachel stayed in that position with her head towards her.

I could vaguely hear Victoria say "what the fuck," and then Rachel's eyes shot open.

She freaked out. She actually jumped onto the couch, like there was a rat scurrying on the floor. She let out a shriek and many "holy shits". Hyperventilating and a hand on chest, she slid back down the couch.

"This isn't real! You know magic, Kate!"

"She's real!"

Chloe and I came out of hiding. We were both laughing, high-fiving and fist bumping each other, as we approached. Rachel finally sat up, laughing along with us and holding her stomach. The fact that Victoria would prefer believing that Kate knew magic was the best part.

Victoria had her hand on her forehead, trying to comprehend everything that just happened. "Katie, it's been a long time coming, but I love you."

"Could I go into your room now?"

"No."


	21. Chapter 21

It wouldn't be much of a sleepover if we didn't sleep at all. Since Victoria wanted to talk to Rachel and ask her everything she ever wanted to know, we were stuck there. I felt bad for Chloe, because she didn't want to be with me and Kate but she also didn't want to be with Victoria and Rachel. She was the awkward fifth person with no one to talk to.

I sat with Kate on her bed again, still trying our best to figure out the Slide game. I was able to get to six, but no such luck going beyond that. I was admiring not just her soft hands and gentle gaze, but her patience too. If I were to do something like this with Chloe or Rachel, both would show how pissed off they were. But not Kate—she just tried again.

"I guess you'll be staying over after all." Kate lightly laughed. It was a strange situation. I mean, I already knew we were going to stay after realizing it was two o'clock. She didn't seem to mind our extended stay, though.

"You tried to send us home." I reminded her.

"Because I knew Victoria would try to keep her here and, in turn, keep you and Chloe too."

"Do you really mind?"

"Not at all." She answered happily.

I smiled back, "So then, tell me about next Sunday."

"All I'll say is that you could sleep in. My plans don't start until ten."

"Whoa, that's late, what is it?"

"I can't tell you. Mine will be as much as a surprise as yours was."

"Fair enough."

Suddenly, I heard a strange noise. It was to my left, where the dresser was, and where her pet was. It sounded like the hay inside moved around and then a very small thump sound.

"Is she okay?" She stood up a little to look inside. The black-and-white rabbit was lying on her side with her eyes closed.

"She's fine, rabbits do that when they feel comfortable and safe."

"Wowser, I feel special! She's so cute," I sat back down to face Kate again, "Alice is such a great name too."

"Thank you! I love her so much."

I think the sleepiness finally hit both of us. When we stopped talking, we would yawn and stretch, but neither of us attempted to lied down. It was about four o'clock. Rachel and Chloe had to leave at fucking five.

"So, if I were to sleep, where would I go?" I asked. Kate rested her head against the wall, smirking at me. I don't know what image I had in my head from Kate doing that, but it caused my entire body to just heat up on its own.  _You're a perv, Max._

"Are you comfortable being in the same bed?"

_Hell, was I? First of all, it's a twin-sized bed. Oh, my dog, I think I'm having an actual panic attack setting in. I think this is a real gay panic._

"It's okay if you're not. I was just asking."

"W-well, maybe," I finally stammered, "I'm not sure, I used to share with Chloe, but I got booted to the couch."

"That's too bad. Then just let me know," she exhaled audibly in a bothered way, "I've never been so sleepy before. I'm usually up wide awake now."

"Why do you stay up so late?" I asked. I never imagined her to be the type. It may just be a universal college student thing, which was the more likely option.

"It's happened since ninth grade, and it became worse in twelfth. I got away with saying I was busy with homework, but… Honestly, I have no idea."

"It can't just happen, right? I'm sorry if I'm pressing you, but it seems serious."

"It's fine." After Kate said that, there was a knock on our door.

"Come in." Kate turned around.

The door opened cautiously and Rachel took a step in, "Hey, we have to go now, Max. Are you coming along or staying?"

"I'm going to stay; do you mind that?"

"No not at all! We'll pick you up later, okay?"

"Okay, have fun at the photoshoot!"

"Thank you, sleep well." Then Rachel left, gently closing the door.

Kate turned back to me. We were staring at each other for a moment—it felt way longer to me. I was still feeling my heart beating, but it wasn't the same as every other time. The only light in the room was right on her bedside table and her staying in the shadows was mysterious to me. She suddenly stood up and went to her dresser. She pulled the bottom drawer and pulled out the familiar black-and-white plaid shirt.

"You should take it before we forget. I washed it for you." She hands it to me.

I hesitated to take it, but I took it from her hands, hugging it to my body, "Thanks."

It was quiet as she crawled into bed and sat next to me, back against the wall.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked, referring back to the other topic we were on.

"Yep, I've been dealing with this for years. I wish I knew why or how to stop it, but it's something I learned to deal with."

"I wish I could help you. I have trouble sleeping too, it's just stupid college that makes me feel sh-bad."

"I wish that was it. It could be a factor. Maybe stress of being in school?"

The door was slammed open, scaring the shit out of both of us. Victoria has changed into silky black pajamas and anger was plastered on her face.

"You are  _not_  going to sleep in the same bed as Kate. You're not even going to sleep in the _same room_."

"Then... where am I going?"

* * *

In a matter of five minutes, I was sleeping on a couch again. I was given one blanket aka, a black-and-white polka-dot bed sheet, and I snuggled myself into every pillow. I gathered them to me as much as I could. I even put on my flannel again for more warmth. It was pretty lonely and I looked pathetic as I looked at my reflection in the TV's screen.

"Sorry Max," Kate sat down on the longer seat, "I wish you could have stayed."

"It's okay. I had a feeling I wasn't gonna be able to."

"I'll make it up to you, okay?"

"That's what Sunday is for."

Kate then messed with my hair, giggling, "Goodnight, Max."

* * *

Sleep was extra difficult; it was more like I took a nap. I heard two door slams, Victoria and Kate talking to each other, and then another door slam. The last one was definitely the front door. Then, I heard light switches, a tea kettle whistling, and humming. I sat up and hunched over, letting out a loud yawn. It was around eight-ten.

"Good morning." Kate came into the room from the kitchen with two mugs in her hands. She must drink green tea every single day.

"Good morning, Kate," I grabbed one of the white cups from her, "Thank you."

"You're welcome. You heard her call you weird, huh?"

She sat next to me, holding her cup close as she took small sips.

"Yeah, but it's fine. I knew she wasn't gonna like me."

"She should at least get to know you. It'll take time. I know from experience."

I only nodded.  _Victoria was interesting, to say the least._

After watching TV and finishing our drinks, Kate got ready for the day and we left her apartment. We walked together to school, where she said she'll leave me for when Rachel and Chloe have to pick me up. We didn't talk much during our walk; We didn't say anything until we were in front of our school.

"Guess I'll be staying here for hours..." I said, sulking.

"I wish I could come back, but I'll be out all day with them. Don't be sad, you can still text me."

"That makes me feel a little better."

Kate giggled, "Good, I'll see you tomorrow for class, okay?"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow."

I watched her walk away towards the bus stop at the end of the street. I sat on the curb and finally let everything sink in. I was sitting in front of school, wearing the same outfit as yesterday, with no money, a phone at ten percent battery, and the feeling of rejection from Victoria.  _I wonder what I did wrong or what Kate said about me to make her so hostile? Never mind that, though, I had plans Sunday and I couldn't wait to see what she had in store._

I hugged my knees to my chest, watched the cars pass, and waited patiently. Using the last of my battery, I text Rachel and Chloe to pick me up at school.

* * *

They didn't pick me up until the afternoon. Knowing I was starving, they brought a whole pink box of doughnuts and water, though they admitted to eating a few of them on the way. I still let them eat some.

"I see you got your flannel back." Rachel turned around in her seat. I was sitting behind her, stuffing my face. I nodded to acknowledge I heard her.

"Was it better today?" I asked, my cheeks full.

"Nope, he was still shitty." Chloe replied. They both looked more exhausted, but I don't know if it was from not sleeping or they worked harder today. It could be a combination of the two, no doubt.

"Come on, let's talk about something else," Rachel groaned, clearly over this day as much as Chloe was, "Tell us about your sleepover!"

"There isn't a lot to say. I got kicked out of her room by Victoria and I was sleeping on a couch… again."

I could hear them sigh, realizing that we all had a tough morning. The atmosphere was very dull and we were all ready to sleep the day away.

"Was there anything good that happened? At all?" She asked once more. Her eyes were droopy and looked back at me with a small tinge of hope. I swallowed, sighing after.

"I have a date on Sunday." I said.

She could only smile, "That's good! At least one good thing happened! Are you surprising her again?"

"No, actually, she's surprising me."

Rachel clapped, "How exciting! That makes most things that happened today worth it."

"What happened at the shoot?"

Rachel looked at Chloe, then looked back to me again, eyebrows furrowed, "We're so tired…"

I chose not to pry, as much as I wanted them to tell me, but they needed peace and quiet. And it was just that.

Peaceful.


	22. Chapter 22

For the first time, week ten was uneventful and not as hectic as it usually was. Maybe because I actually got my assignments done and actually  _liked_ them; I owe it all to Kate in more ways than one. She became sort of a motivation for me, both for Sunday and for taking the time out to hang out with me whenever. Not just physically too; I don't think I've ever text someone so often. Every single day, a good morning text and a goodnight one, whatever the conversation turned out to be. There were a couple nights she texts me, not with the single-worded greeting, but with a YouTube link to a cat video.

I didn't question it; it was such a Kate thing to do.

When the week was over, I rested on Saturday, lying on the couch I learned to be comfortable on, and texting her back and forth.

**Kate: Are you ready for tomorrow?** I could feel how happy she was through the screen.

If I was honest, I wasn't. I was ready to explode from feeling the way that I did. My racing heart and my fidgeting hands felt… different, somehow. It wasn't unwelcomed.  _It feels… kinda weird. I don't think I ever felt this before._

**Me: As ready as I'll ever be** **.**

It was decided that Chloe was going to drop me off at her apartment. Kate said that everything was within walking distance of each other.

It was kind of late and I was home alone, since Rachel and Chloe went out to HUE sf again. Rachel really wanted to watch her work behind the bar. Because it was tomorrow, I had to ask:

**Me: Are we going to church?**

It was pretty obvious, mostly because of the day. I thought people went to church earlier, but what the hell did I know about going there? It was going to be an interesting experience for someone like me.

**Kate: That's in the morning. It's only an hour long, so you won't be suffering too much.**

**Me: I won't be suffering! Bored, but I'll pay attention.**

I hoped to meet her friends, especially the ones creating the short film. I learned recently that our school was having a special film festival with the theme called "Growth." It was pretty clever.

**Kate: I can promise you that the rest of the day will be good!**

**Me: All days are good with you in them.**

I hesitated to send it. I pressed "send" as quickly as I could before I thought about it too long.  _I've been thinking of flirty lines faster, but actually committing to them is still a problem._

I lied on the couch in a ripped-up shirt and shorts, finally feeling the heat of late-March. I let my legs hang off the armrest, swinging them as I waited for more texts to pop up. I still had the yellow bracelet around my wrist.

**Kate: You're a smooth talker now?**

**Me: Smooth as sandpaper maybe.**

A dumb grin stayed plastered on my face as I stared at the text bubbles. I left the messages and was greeted by my phone background, which was still of the forest in Arcadia Bay. I needed to change it, it has been a year away from there, but I haven't found a good picture to replace it with.

**Kate: You don't give yourself enough credit!**

**Me: Kek are you saying I'm smooth?**

I sat up, taking my legs off the armrest to answer a call I was getting from Rachel.

"Hello?"

"Hey Max, how are you? Doing okay being alone?" It was quiet on her side, she had to be outside or in the restroom.

"It's not that lonely. I've been talking to Kate."

"Of course," she chuckled, "Must be nice to be all  _bi_ yourself."

It took a minute for me to understand that, "… Oh, my dog, what did Chloe do to you?"

"Hey, I'm bi too, the joke was too easy."

I could only roll my eyes.  _It was genius._

"We'll be back sometime in the morning. Before you have to go, for sure!" Rachel reassured.

"It's at ten, don't worry."

"I know, I know," she finished with a sigh, "Anyway, have to go. Can't stay in a bathroom forever."

"Have fun partying."

"Will do. See you later."

She hung up first. Another message greeted me as I put my phone down.

**Kate: Like silk, Max.**

I had that stupid grin on my face again. At that moment, nothing else seemed to matter.

**But I'm feeling pretty sleepy.** She texts again.

**Me: You should sleep too. We have a busy day tomorrow after all.**

**Kate: Goodnight, Max. xoxoxo**

I sent a goodnight back and tossed my phone aside. This was the time to give myself a pep talk _. I've been having a really good past few weeks and I cannot afford to mess anything up. Mess-up was my middle name and the thought of ruining anything or making her feel weird about how much I truly liked her makes my head hurt._ Pressing my hands against my head, I was hunched over, trying to stop those thoughts from shutting me down. I had to have more faith in myself.

The initial feeling was the worst. The pain in my chest hurt and the tips of my fingers felt like pins and needles going into them.

_Maybe I shouldn't go… I should cancel… She's never going to talk to me again once she knows…_

I was slowly but surely learning to act around her like how I act around Rachel and Chloe. I was starting to overthink. I took deep breaths, standing up and hopping around, and shaking my hands around to get the feeling out. I had to stay as positive as possible. I landed on the couch again, still hunching over and a hand on my forehead. I lied down, staring up at the ceiling.

_This couldn't happen. Not right now._

At the same time, I was having conflicts with myself. I haven't stopped thinking about Warren. It has been bothering me ever since what happened with Rachel and Chloe. On top of that, it caused them to fight too, which I still didn't know if they were really okay or not.  _There is too much to handle for me, so much to deal with, I wish I could catch a break…_

* * *

After what felt like hours, I was able to catch some z's, enough to wake up the next day to Rachel and Chloe talking.

"What should we do for their quarter break? We need to push them just  _a little_ closer." Rachel was trying to stay quiet.

"No kidding," Chloe said, "But let's just do our plans and bring them along. Let them do their own thing."

I couldn't think of where exactly they would go, let alone take us. I stayed lying down, pretending to still sleep as they continued conversing.

"I don't know if Max's heart could take it."  _Could take… what? There's only so much._

"She knows how to take care of herself. She has better control."

"You think so?"

_It was semi-true. I appreciated Chloe for saying so. I wish I could say that about myself just like she did._

Rachel spoke again, "Let's wake her up then. We'll talk about it."

I closed my eyes again and waited for them to "wake" me up. I thought about things I could say or do, saying a pun or a joke. Something along the lines of "waking up is really an eye-opening experience." I declined against it, though.

"Maxmanian devil," Chloe grabbed my arm and shook me around, "We have shit to say."

I fluttered my eyes open and looked up at them, towering over me. I sat up and they sat down with me, sandwiching me in the middle.

"We made some plans during your week off," Rachel started, placing her hand on my knee, "And we just want to make sure that it'll be good for both you and Kate. You know, so you two can come along."

"And what plans are those?"

"I'm glad you asked! It's technically your spring break, so there are plenty of parties going off  _and_ since I want to go see Long Beach again, there are  _huge_  parties happening there. I've already rented a beach house."

Again, she said it so casually, I nearly fell out of my seat.

"I-I dunno…"  _Maybe Rachel's right… I really didn't know if I could take it._

"We just want to make sure that you'll be okay with going to places like that. I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable around so many people."

I had to think about it. It was going to be hard, but if I keep a positive mind and balance out my time being surrounded by people and being alone, nothing bad should happen.

"You guys don't have to worry about me." I said. They looked at each other, then back at me.

"Just ask if she wants to come along, okay?" Rachel patted my knee.

I nodded.

"You should get ready," Chloe reminded me, "You have an hour left."

I slapped Chloe's arm, "You could have woken me up sooner!"

I stood up and quickly headed to the bathroom, hearing "At least I didn't wake you up ten minutes beforehand."

When I closed the door behind me, there was already an outfit ready for me on top of our hamper. Pretty sure it was Rachel. I hurriedly showered and got into my outfit. It was simple, plain pink shirt and, surprisingly, my blue jeans. I felt like my old self again.

* * *

Chloe drove me, leaving Rachel at home, and it was back to loud rock music blasting from the radio. She was bobbing her head and tapping her hand on the wheel. I guess it was now to tell her about the tattoo. I turned the volume knob down.  _I wish I could mention what's happening between her and Rachel. It's been so long. I could somehow offend her._

"Yo, what the fuck."

"Hey, I just want to mention the tattoo thing again." I held my hands up defensively.

She smiled at me with interest.

I continued, "I need your opinion, that's all."

"Can't wait to hear this shit."

"I was thinking maybe on my shoulder blade? What do you think?"

"Hell. Yes. I'm all for it. What do you want?" She was beaming from ear-to-ear.

"That I needed an opinion on. I should totally just get a camera, huh?"

"How big can you handle? That's what he said!" She rushed to say the second part.

I chuckled and shook my head, "Well, if you were able to handle your first design, I feel like I could do anything."

Chloe smirked, "I'm hella excited for this!"

She punched my arm as she laughed and I couldn't help but laugh along with her. For the whole ride, she turned the music back up and the atmosphere was so lively. In front of Kate's apartment, we saw a few people from upstairs leave their houses with backpacks and large plastic bottles, probably going to study for finals.

"Have fun on your date," Chloe patted me on my shoulder, "Don't fuck up."

I huffed through my nose and left, saying thanks on the way out. I went up to the apartment door and gave it three knocks. I looked behind me and saw that she had already left. The door opened and Kate was on the other side, instantly smiling at me, "Hey Max, come in."

"Thanks," I smiled back at her, "You look nice today."

"Thank you, so do you."

The place was still cold and she was in another sweater. It was something I had to get used to, though I felt worried about her. I didn't know why I was, I just was. Maybe wearing normal t-shirts was rare.  _Thank dog Victoria was already gone._

"Isn't it a little hot?"

"I always dressed this way. Plus, it's more favorite sweater. Feel it, it's not that thick." She reached her arm out and her sleeves still covered her hands. I felt the blue sweater and, sure enough, it was so thin I could feel her body heat.

"Did you eat at all?" She asked me.

_Damn it, I forgot to grab something on the way out._ I could already see her being disappointed. I was ready to lie and said I had a full meal. I cleared my throat.

"I wasn't able to eat anything." I mumbled.

"Pardon me?"

"I didn't eat anything. I woke up late."

I expected to get a hit on the wrist or a shove, but Kate asked, "Would you like something? We have those mini boxes of cereal."

"I would love one. No fancy breakfast plates?"

"I bought them for myself," She walked to the kitchen and went into the cupboard, "This whole week, Victoria has been going out and eating with her friends."

The cupboard was full of the small cereal boxes, bags of chips, and other green boxes I assumed was green tea. She grabbed a blue one and handed it to me as she sat down.

"She doesn't even take you?"

"Oh no, I choose not to go with her. Her friends don't like me so much…"

I ripped the box open and ate one after the other. I haven't eaten Frosted Flakes in forever, but the sugary taste reminded me of why I stopped.

"How come?"

"I just overheard them once talking about me. Victoria defended me and that's nice, but I don't like seeing them. Not after that."

"That's fu— _messed_ up."

Kate chuckled, "Nice save."

"Oh, Rachel and Chloe are planning a road trip to Long Beach. They wanted to know if you'd like to come along with us."

"What are you guys going to do?"

"Rachel said partying and whatever, but she rented a beach house just for us if you come along."

"You'll be a third wheel again, huh?"

"… Yeah, pretty much."

Kate giggled, "I won't be partying much, though."

"Same for me. I'll probably be in the room more than being with them at all."

_I mean, I don't expect her to answer "yes" at all. Then, I would get to say no to them and then we could hang out alone. Or, if she did say yes, somehow, then it would be okay too! I don't even know what I want…_

"…Why not, I'll come along with you."

I was shocked. I thought she would decline right away after mentioning anything about a party. But, I did remember that she said something about how she never actually goes anywhere during the breaks. I wanted to believe that was the reason: to go out during break for once.

"For real? I didn't think you would accept it."

"Well, there are beautiful places there I could draw and I wouldn't want you to be alone."

I did a little side smile. _At least I wouldn't be alone._

* * *

We arrived to a brick chapel about another thirty minutes with lots of turns. I would have never known about it, because despite being such a large structure, it was stuck behind taller buildings. It was how I imagined churches: lots of stairs, pillars, and on the roof, the cross was perched right on the front. It was a really wide structure with plenty of doors to choose from to walk through.

I was winded from going up the flight of stairs;  _I hope Kate didn't notice._  She guided me in and everything inside felt so… suffocating. The pews were brown and, from the sound of people sitting down, squeaky, pure white walls with rectangular windows, red carpet, and the altar with a single brown table and a giant cross behind it. I was feeling a little nervous being in inside.

She guided me to a middle row and sat on my right side. It was probably obvious that I was feeling very self-conscious. As my eyes darted around and my hands were fidgeting together, I felt Kate's hand sneak her way in and held mine tightly.

I gulped dryly and exhaled deeply, looking at her with a forced smile. She was observing me with a worried look and I felt her thumb rubbing back and forth. I was relaxing slowly, but as soon as a nuclear family (as in, a mom, a dad, and a single child) came to sit in our row, she had to let go. Her body language changed, holding her hands in her lap, crossing her ankles, and her face became expressionless.

_I feel like I'm dying in here? Is that a rude thing to think? I dunno why I'm nervous… Maybe because I've never been here? It could be anything! There's a lot of people here. They're all staring at me. Wait, they're not… I don't think._

The mass was a lot of reading, singing, sitting down, standing up, and a long speech about how the readings could apply to real life. It was so long and drawn-out, talking about how we should do what makes us happy and love everyone in our lives, I could barely concentrate. I was overwhelmed (but, even that word was still an understatement).

Before I knew it, Kate whispered to me, "Let's go."

Everyone was starting to stand up and get in line towards the altar. I think it was the part for bread and wine.

"Already? But, what about that line thing?"

"It's fine, unless you want to wait outside."

_Nope, I need to leave before I lose my mind._ I waved my hand for her to come with me and left. I felt people staring at us as we were walking out, but I ignored them to the best of my ability (I was failing). Outside, I let out the breath I was holding, hunched over with my hands on my knees.

"Are you okay?" She placed her hand on my back.

I stood up straight again, "I'm good."

"I'm guessing you didn't like it all that much. I told you that you wouldn't like it!"

"I still wanted to try!"

Kate smiled and then grabbed me, pulling me into an embrace, "You did fine."

I was frozen in place for a second. She had her arms around my neck and my hands hovered at her waist before I finally hugged her around her back.

When she let go, she said, "That was for earlier. You looked scared to death."

"Was it that obvious?"  _I knew it looked obvious._

"Only a little bit," she had a very compassionate smile, "We should go before everyone else start coming out."

"Good idea."

* * *

We left down the stairs and went deeper into the city. I was following her as we passed more businesses like flower shops, a music store, and a small pet shop with fluffy puppies at the window. Kate was acting like her holding hands with me in church never happened or how she acted after she had to let go.

_Was holding hands with me weird? No, it couldn't be, it was an innocent thing to help me calm down. Hell, we're doing it right now! Was it weird because it was in a church?_

"Where are we going now?" I asked.

"You said you wanted to see the filming of the short film, so we're going to the library we chose. I don't know how many of my friends will be there, though. It is cram time after all."

My pulse spiked up and there was a sudden pain in my stomach.  _What should I say when I meet them?_

_Hi, I'm Max._  
Hey, my name is Max.  
Hi, I'm gay for your friend.

"They all want to meet you," she looked at me with a grin, "They're all dorky and funny, so don't be too worried."

"Me? Worried? Never heard of it." I awkwardly chuckled.

She shook her head, "You'll be okay! They already like you and they haven't met you yet!"

I chuckled, forcing it out of my throat. The library was only ten minutes away, thankfully no stairs. I wouldn't have known it was library, because there was no sign outside. It reminded of school in a way, as it was also five floors from what I could tell. The building's design was like those black-and-white aesthetic backgrounds on Tumblr. Like, huge tiles.

It was really spacious on the inside, though more white walls and large windows. Standing at the doors, I had to take it all in first. The room we were in was just a large open room, with nothing in it. In front of us, there was a large hallway leading towards an elevator. From where I was standing, my head couldn't stop going from side-to-side to look at the large windows of each floor. What connected the two sides were bridges with glass barriers to protect people from falling.

"Holy shit…" I awed.

"Beautiful, right?" She asked me. "Don't use that word."

"Sorry, I just—I hate that I didn't know it existed."  _Another thing I forgot: my damn camera._

"I didn't either! My friend, Ledah, goes here to study and I was  _so_ mad that she waited until a couple weeks ago to finally tell us about this place. It doesn't look like a library on the outside, either."

"I know!"

She giggled, "Anyway, we have to go see them! Come on!"

She held my hand again and we went to the elevator. We stayed quiet as the elevator went to the fifth floor. Pulling me behind her, she guided me through the many bookcases until we ended up in a science fiction section where a group of four people were standing in.

"Kate!" One of them yelled loudly in the middle of a library.

"Hey, you guys," she greeted back, quietly, "It's just you two?"

"Cram session," the same person replied, "So, it'll be your faithful director who gives no fucks about grades and your dead inside camera director."

Kate hummed and then pushed me closer to them, "Max, Ledah and Erin. Ledah and Erin, Max."

"So,  _you're_ the one that's been taking Kate away from us," Ledah was the one with gray-dyed hair and matching-colored shirt, who grabbed Kate into a hug, "She's ours."

"You're so dramatic." She hugged back.

"I'm your mother now."

"Stop it." She pushed them off.

I laughed, I felt awkward where I was, "This is a great location for your film."  _Maybe she was touchy with everyone she knew…_

"You should've seen the other places," Erin was the one wearing all green and was wearing sunglasses indoors, "It's better here. Wendy's."

"Huh?" I raised an eyebrow.

"You never heard of that slogan? Yeesh."

I was ready to roast the fuck out of those stupid "deal with it" sunglasses. That was a dead meme. But, the tingle in my hands and feet stopped that from happening.

"You guys are too mean to her." Kate slapped both of them on their arms.

"Don't slap your mother like that." Erin gasped, placing their hand over their mouth.

"Oh, and these two are our actresses." Kate went up to the two girls talking to each other. I weakly waved my hand at them and they were smiled and waved back. One of them strangely looked like Kate, due to blonde hair and a nearly the same outfit as Kate wore on Saturday. And the other one looked like me; even she had freckles, a similar hairstyle, and we were the exact same height.

"For reals though, it's nice to finally meet you," Ledah reached her hand over, "She  _never_ shuts up about you."

I thought it was a handshake, but it was a hand slap and fist bump. I was about a second behind.

"Only because you guys never shut up about her." Kate asserted.

"Can you please stop talking to your mother like that?" Erin reiterated.

I sat at a different table as Erin worked the camera, Ledah was nodding her head, and Kate was simply observing. I vaguely remembered her saying that it was a silent film. The scene was currently the two other girls sitting at a desk and reading off the same book. I could feel how gay it was from where I was sitting.

Kate looked back at me from time to time, smiling and giving me a thumbs-up. I sent her a thumbs-up back to reassure her. It was nice to actually see times they burst out laughing from how awkward it became. They kept on forgetting what actions to do or if it was lasting too long and then had to start over.

She finally walked over to me and sat down next to me. "Enjoying yourself?" She asked.

"Yeah, but one question."

"Sure, what is it?"

"Am I the only one who thinks those two kinda look like us?"

Kate looked at the two actresses, even leaning over and squinting her eyes a little. She looked back at me with a confused look on her face, "I think it's just you."

"Really?"

"They don't look like us at all, Max."

"Could you ask your friends?"

Kate rolled her eyes, but called their names through whisper-yelling.

"What's up?" Ledah sat down across from me.

"Max thinks they look like us." Kate pointed back and forth at us and them.

Ledah and Erin looked behind them and then back at me. Erin lifted their sunglasses up, "Are your eyes okay?"

"Never mind," I shook my head, "I guess I'm crazy."

I balled my hands up into fists and accepted that I was just crazy. I hated the feeling. Like it was subconscious, my heart raced and my mouth became dry. I would never admit it aloud, but I was embarrassed about it.

The filming went on until the two girls were about to kiss and then the girl-that-looked-like-me pretended to get a text and had to leave. Kate stayed by my side, still watching the filming, and still letting me know that they looked  _nothing_ like us.

"That's Act Two, boy." Erin unironically dabbed.

"You guys are free to go and bring my daughter home by nine-thirty."

I forcefully chuckled. Kate waved and said goodbye and followed. That whole situation was stressful somehow.  _I'm glad it's over. I didn't expect it to make me feel so… gross._

"Any other places we're going?"

"Just one more actually," Kate grabbed my hand again, "We passed it on the way here."

I gasped, "The pet store."

"Nope, but it's pretty close. We could visit it."

* * *

We walked out again, leaving towards the same direction we came from. On the way there, Kate was periodically checking her phone. I saw that she was looking at text messages, but she didn't reply to them.

We arrived to the music shop, though the puppies caught my eye again. We walked in and we were greeted by guitars and pianos at the front. Violins, cellos, and other various woodwind instruments lined the walls while drums and amps took up the middle of the store. A heavily-tattooed man behind the glass table filled with picks and strings greeted us on the way in. I think there was a class going on in the back for piano players.

"You're going to make me play, aren't you?" I guessed.

"I'll play for you too if you play for me." She smirked at me. She went up to the man, asking if we could use any of the guitars. He grabbed one near him, a classic brown which totally reminded me of the one I used to have, and checked if it was in tune. When he handed it over, Kate turned and handed it to me.  _I haven't played since I left Arcadia Bay; I'm gonna be absolute shit at this. I hope her expectations aren't too high._

I sat down at a nearby stool and Kate pulled one up close to me. She waited patiently.

I hesitated and I was starting to freeze up.  _Not now, not now!_ I cracked my knuckles to buy me some time. I started to strum out to a song I remembered and knew I couldn't mess up. It was a song I played once in a while back in Blackwell to pass time.

I could see Kate nodding her head and smiling as she listened to me. I wasn't sure how many minutes passed, but as soon as I messed up a note, I stopped immediately. She laughed and clapped for me.

"Bravo, bravo," she said, "That's Crosses, isn't it? By Jose Gonzalez?"

"I didn't you listened to him."

"I love to mix it up sometimes." She stood up and went to the counter again, this time asking for a violin.

She sat down again and started to practice some notes and scales. She was doing the scales so smoothly, I felt like an amateur on my instrument. I never heard anything so heavenly before and it was just the scales!

"Are we doing a jam session?"

"Do you mind giving it a shot?"

"Depends, will we be playing Crosses again?"

She shook her head, "Nope, I was thinking his other song. Do you know Heartbeats?"

I did know it, but roughly. I couldn't be sure it was going to be perfect. The last thing I wanted was to make her upset we couldn't get through the song.

"Kinda, but I can't guarantee it'll be good."

"That's fine. This isn't supposed to be serious. Like you called it, it's a jam session."

I nodded and took a deep breath. Strumming the beginning of the song, I tried my best to stay in the right tempo. I messed up about three times and said sorry after every one. The fourth time I was able to stay steady and Kate was able to start playing along. We actually sounded pretty good together and we stayed on-key for most of the song. We were about a minute in before I mess up again. We stopped abruptly.

"Are you cereal?"

"It's okay, Max. You're really good at playing." She stood up and I followed, handing the instruments back to the man.

"I haven't played in a year. I'm surprised at myself."

"You could have fooled me. Would you like to play the other instruments or look at the dogs next door?"

I grinned widely, "… Dogs."

Kate smiled back and nodded, "Okay, let's go."

For the next hour, I literally stayed with the really small and fluffy puppies at the window, petting all of them and carrying some of them around the store. Sure, there were fishes and birds, and they're cool too—I had a full conversation with a bird—but the dogs, though.

"You've been carrying that one for quite some time." Kate petted the dog in my arms. She was brown and smaller than the other ones and, looking closer, she was missing an eye.

"She's my favorite. Her name is Kate now."

"Why is she named after me?"

Without thinking, "Because she's cute."  _I felt a little weird about saying it. My dumb mind doesn't stop sometimes._

Kate snorted and shook her head, turning around, but I saw her blush. "You have to put her down sometime. You can't just take her."

I sighed, "I know. Sorry Kate, time to go back to your brothers and sisters."

The puppy actually started to whimper and cry as I tried to place her down again. I felt bad as I backed away and saw her trying to climb out of the pen.

"I'm sorry, Kate!" I waved goodbye and we left.

"Was that the last thing of the day?"

"Yup, I don't do a lot of exciting things. I'm sorry if it seems short."

"No, I loved today. Thanks for taking me out."

"My pleasure."

I spent a good fifteen minutes refusing to call Chloe to pick me up. Kate tried her best to get me to, so I could start cramming for next week like everyone else. I eventually did but started with a text about how Kate said she wanted to come along with us to Long Beach.  _Then_ , I said she had to pick me up at her apartment.

* * *

In front of Kate's apartment, we sat in the front because it was just about three PM. Kate had more classes than me and needed to study more, so I wasn't so mad about the time. When Chloe came into the parking space in front of her home, I really didn't want to go.

"Can I get one last hug?" I held my arms out.

"Of course," Kate wrapped her arms around my neck and I hugged her back, "See you on Tuesday, okay?"


	23. Chapter 23

I was growing a painful headache.

I pushed it off in the beginning, trying to get through my studying and working on passing my tests, but it felt like my head was being hammered at continuously. I felt it after the day with Kate, starting as a small, almost unnoticeable throb. I blamed it on school and how overworked I was, as everyone would feel similar to how I felt. I never told Rachel or Chloe, because I didn't want them to worry. I thought about it, obviously, but I preferred ignoring it.

I studied and crammed all Nutrition facts into my brain for week eleven. That week could be described as super full of events, yet nothing actually happens. It was studying, hanging out with Kate, and then rinse and repeat. I actually spent one day in a study group on Thursday with Evan and other classmates, though all I did was listen to them and copy down answers. I passed my two classes  _barely_ with weak C's. Rachel and Chloe were impressed, however, Kate told me to try a little harder. She was proud, nonetheless.

After all of the stress was over and all of the classes were done with, my headache felt worse. When I got home (taking the bus instead, using the "I'm tired, need bed" excuse), and no one else was there, I fell into bed and wrapped myself in the blanket, wanting rest.

_What's wrong with me? It feels like boulders sitting on top of my head. Just let me get a minute of sleep, Max. Why does it hurt so much? Maybe there's some medication somewhere._

As much as I hated to stand up again, I forced myself out of bed, feeling dizzy, and went into the bathroom, going into the medicine cabinet. Luckily, some ibuprofen was sitting inside. The inner-Chloe in me wanted to take a handful of them, but I took one and went back to bed.

I had too much on my mind. With school of out of the way, I still worried for the next quarter. And the next. And the next. On top of that, what made up most of my worry, were the awkward encounters with Warren. It almost made me sick to think about it; I wanted to barf. Lastly, but never least, was Kate. Hanging out with her was like a pain reliever and I wished it always worked. By now, I cared a little less about trying to date her. Her as a friend was pretty fun already. Us dating would probably be a happy accident. It was only one week for my mind to change like this.

* * *

"Max!" I woke up to Rachel's excited voice. Before I could react, I felt her jump onto me on the bed. My headache pain was duller, but still bad.

"Aw, my college daughter's tired." She fixed my bangs off my forehead to see my eyes. When my blurry vision focused, she was smiling down at me, and the light behind her burned into my eyes. I grumbled, not wanting to be bothered, but not wanting to push her away either. "Are you excited for Saturday?"

I nodded my head, weakly.

"What's up with you, Max?" She asked, leaning over more to see me. Even I felt her motherly instinct come out, unintentional, though strong as hell.

I took a deep breath, slowly sitting up to look at her. "I have had a headache, Rache, for a week. I think I just need sleep for more than two hours."

She raised her eyebrow, looking me up and down, "There's something on your mind."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

She kept watching me, trying to break me and admit that I wanted to talk about something. I never wanted to hide something from her, but the issues I had and wanted to deal with felt so small. Something that shouldn't matter as much as I was making it out to be.  _Isn't it a big deal? There's a reason why you can't stop thinking about it, Max._ My temple throbbed in that moment, causing a reaction in me.

Rachel, being the mom she unexpectedly became, scooted to my side and let me rest on her shoulder, "What's going on?"

"I've been thinking," I started, shutting me eyes tightly, " _a lot._ I just—I saw Warren again at school. I don't know, it feels like he being here has brought some bad memories back. Almost like they're haunting me? I feel dramatic—"

"You're not. Max, if something's up, you can say something."

"But I feel like I'm overreacting over something I did a year ago. It feels so shitty what I did to him."

"And what did you do?"

I avoided saying anything at first. Like anything else I try to talk about, I felt resistance. I avoided looking into her eyes as she tried to lean into my view. I stuttered "I," "Well," "Um," and "Er." My fingers were so numb, it felt like a trillion pins were poking into them.

"Max."

"I–I can't—"

"You can't or you won't?" Her words stung. Tough love was a lot to take in; it felt like she was screaming at me. In my mind, the volume was passed one-hundred, anger was all I could feel in her voice. I was spiraling, shutting down. "Max?"

"It makes me feel stupid."

"We're all hella stupid sometimes. I know this is hard and you want to run away or get out, but I know you can do this."

I took a deep breath.  _You can trust her, Max. This sucks, but you can be honest. Just think of one sentence you find good enough and just speak._

* * *

I had no idea what I was saying. Words were falling out of my mouth, but I was speaking my mind. I never even told Chloe about it; From what I remember, all I told her was that I broke up with him. I couldn't look at Rachel in the face, but I could tell she was listening. At the end, she stayed quiet. Just for a minute.

"Max," she draped her arm on my shoulders, "You didn't have to hold it all inside. So what if your problems seems small? Everyone reacts to different things differently, and yours are still valid. If you want to talk to him, finally get it off of your chest, then talk to him. I want you to be happy and when you're with Kate, it wouldn't bother you anymore. You're okay, Max, you can breathe now."

Her voice was so soothing, like the sound of crashing waves or hearing a slow ballad, it made me feel safe. I inhaled and exhaled and relaxation washed over me. My shoulders stopped tensing, my hands were warm again, my heart was steady—I felt human again.

"Thanks, Rachel, it means a lot. You listening to me and all."

"Just another service I provide," she smiled for a second, then it fell, "and since we're being honest here…"

_I knew the feeling wouldn't last long._

"I have no idea how long I'm gonna keep my mouth shut. I love Chloe, you know that and the entire world knows that, but she still wants to drink and depend on it."

"Is she here?"

"No, she went out again to work again. We started talking again, but she complains about how she feels. It's fine, but they're all withdrawal symptoms. How she feels restless and irritated, and this week, she hasn't been able to sleep. It's hella scary."

Her last sentence died down, like she tried to stop herself from saying it at all. I've never seen Rachel so unsure about something before.  _She said before, she wants to talk about it with her, but for some reason, she just can't._

"Do it at your own pace. It'll feel right… right?"

"Exactly. Thanks, this means a hella lot."

Chloe was another thing. After the whole passing out incident, she would rather kill him than try to fix anything, which was worrying for anyone. I wasn't sure how to confront her about it, let alone bring it up at all. If I were to be Rachel, I would call her on the phone and let my feelings out. But, I wasn't Rachel.

* * *

Chloe was late, as always. Not on purpose, of course, but like every other time, she walked in like she hated everyone, everything, and her own life. She would rather not talk, but after thoroughly convincing myself, I had to talk.

"Something up, Max?" She asked as she messed with my hair.

"Yep, so up it's in space now." I laughed awkwardly after.  _Lame ass._

She cocked her eyebrow at me, "I'm gonna ignore you saying that."

"Wait! Okay," I held my hands up defensively, "I need some help."

She was hesitant at first, but went towards me and crossed her arms, "Fine."

I bit my lip and looked down at her feet, finding the words again. I wanted to say what I told Rachel, but I had no idea what I said.

"It's about Warre—"

"Yeah, I'm out." She started to walk into the bedroom. I didn't stop her, watching her back, until I heard a hand slam on the door.

"You should really listen to her, Chloe. She really needs help." Rachel's voice sounded intimidating.

"My head's hella killing me and I want to sleep for once." She groaned, trying to get passed her.

"Just help her."

She groaned again, louder and deeper. She walked back to me and with an annoyed tone, "What?"

With the help of Rachel, we sat down on the couch and talked it out a little slower. I made sure to talk it out so I could remember the words. Chloe's face was becoming more and more annoyed.

"Why do you need to talk to that fucker?!" She burst out, jumping from the couch. "He fucking annoys me for existing!"

"She needs closure!" Rachel stood up too, "Wouldn't you want that too?"

"No, you ignore him!"

"Just support her at least!"

I was back in an awkward position again, watching them fight from the couch. Watching them made my headache worse—to the point I was flinching at the pain. There was so much tension inside. The fight was so unnecessary, I knew it was something deeper than that. From what Rachel said, she only wanted to talk.

* * *

"Kate?" I said after I heard her say hello.

"Max? Are you okay?"

"Hey, I know it's super late—"

"It's fine, Max. I'm always up at this hour, remember?" I felt like she was smiling when she said that. I still felt bad, but as I sat outside in the hallway, looking from side to side, while I could hear Rachel and Chloe's voices on the other side. "What's the matter?"

"Just Rachel and Chloe fighting. Nothing like hearing my two best friends in the whole world fight…"

"A nice little vacation would help them. You don't think they should be apart?"

"That would be the worst idea, I think. They were already apart for nearly a year, then again…"  _Is it really a bad idea? Maybe for this fight they should be apart… I wouldn't know how to do that._ "But, shockingly, that isn't the reason why I called. I wanted your opinion on something."

_"_ Of course."

"I know you met Warren recently and it has been bothering me for whatever reason." On the third time, the nerves were gone. Plus, it was Kate, who has proven to simply be sweet and kind unconditionally. "He's actually—He's my ex. I wanna talk to him, maybe it'll help? What do you think? Or, just do what Chloe said and just ignore it?"

"If you think it helps to speak up and get it out of your heart and mind, then you should absolutely talk about it. It hurts to just keep to yourself, so… you should try to find him and talk it out." She sounded hesitant near the end, like even she couldn't believe she was saying it. "Are you ready to?"

"I—" I felt my breath become shaky. I gulped hard, getting the sadness down, "I might be? Hell, if I don't do it, then when will I?"

"If you're completely sure you're ready, then I believe in you. Would you like me to come along to help you?"

"Thanks, but… I can do it. I just have to believe in me like you do."

Turns out, hearing her voice made my headache go away.


	24. Chapter 24

It was the day we leave for our trip to Long Beach: Saturday. We were leaving when it was nighttime, so that meant I had a lot of time on my hands. For every hour of the morning, I had to convince myself:  _You can do it, Max. Just talk to him. This is good for you._  My hands couldn't stop shaking and the persistent thoughts of  _stop, stop, stop, don't, don't, don't_ wanted to control me. I had to stay on a phone call with Kate for hours to keep me in check for the whole day. She wasn't busy, but I still felt bad I had to keep her on the phone. As always, she replies with, "It's fine."

I ended up calling the random number, hoping for the best. I hated making phone calls already.

"Hello?" That was his voice.

"Oh, so this number is yours after all." My tone made me sound like a mean ass bitch, unintentionally.

"Max? Hey! What's been happening?" Again, he had a stupid happy tone.  _I couldn't be happy about anything!_

"Nothing, but uh, I just called to ask if I could talk to you in person later today. It's important."

"Oh—uh, yeah! Sure, in front of the school?"

"Perfect. At one."

I hung up, releasing a heavy breath I was holding. I was alone. Chloe was working and Rachel said she "just wanted to go out." I had an impulsive reaction: pull my clothes on and run out.  _Go see Kate._ I rushed out, taking the stairs five floors and rushing to the nearest bus.

* * *

I couldn't think until I was at Kate's apartment door; my fist was an inch away from connecting. Next thing I knew, her roommate might open it and hate me. Instead, I knocked lightly three times and waited. I realized how stupid running and taking a bus all the way to her apartment was, but I felt like I was making a million stupid decisions.

"Max?" Kate answered, a shocked expression on her face. "Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah, I just…" It was a stupid decision. "I just wanted to see you."

She smiled warmly, "That's sweet of you. You're always welcomed here."

"I was afraid your roommate was gonna show up."

"She's not here, you're fine." She brought me inside, "However, I have a feeling you're here for another reason."

"Why'd you say that?"

"Just a feeling." She shrugged her shoulders. "You can be honest with me, Max."

"You catch on pretty quick." I forced a laugh and rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah… I'm freaking out a lot right now."

"It must be hard talking to an ex after so long." She guided me to the couch, helping me sit down. "You're brave for doing this."

"You think so?"

"Absolutely." She reached over and placed her hand on my shoulder. "I think you're incredible for doing this. You're strong, Max."

I chuckled, wanting to believe it, but it was so hard to do. "You're so nice, you know? Even when you talked about your roommate not talking to you for a year, you still wanted to be her friend."

"She reminded me of a cat," she giggled, "I left her alone and she became closer to me on her own. But, everyone tells me I'm nice, like no one else in the world is."

"Not as nice as you."

Kate and I ended up sitting there, talking about what was going to happen at one o'clock, while she was boosting my ego again with her compliments. She really was too nice, but to me, it only seemed to be a Kate thing.

* * *

Before I knew it, I had to leave. It felt way too soon; It was like I was there for one minute. Kate had to drag me off her couch, pulling me by the hands. "You can do it, Max. I know you can."

Even with her smile directed at me, my body was refusing. I was so against it, I was resisting, like playing tug of war with my arms. She wasn't (and will never, ever) giving up on me, so she kept a tight grip as she spoke gently and encouraging me.

I didn't want to be stubborn, yet I wanted to be and I couldn't stop it. To anyone else, I was annoying. I was annoying myself too!

"Max…" Her hands move to my face, holding me to keep eye contact. "Look at me."

"I'm looking." I blinked once, stunned at what was happening.

"You're one of the bravest people I know. I know you'll be okay, I can feel it."

_Maybe she's just saying that to make me feel better. I can't be brave. I'm not brave!_

"I-I dunno—"

"Max Caulfield."

"Kate Marsh."

"I can go with you, okay? You don't have to travel alone."

She let me go, waiting for my reply.  _Did I? I feel so weak not being able to go alone. If I can't even go alone, why go at all? I can just back out! I don't have to! I don't have to—_

She was still standing, waiting. I didn't notice before, but she held my hand, barely a grip. "Where are you meeting him?"

* * *

Kate and I walked to the school. I couldn't walk away this time. I knew I had to do this, but at the same time, I didn't want to try. It was the same thought process I have for most things: presentations, going outside, talking to people… talking to Kate. Still now, I felt weird talking to her. Not in a bad way, but she was too good for me and I was… never good to begin with.

Yet, some bullshit about fate and destiny brought us together. There hasn't been a time where I thought she was unbearable. She was so pleasant to be around.

We stopped in front of Starbucks. I looked over to the front of the school—Warren stood in front of the doors. My first reaction was to run; my body instantly turned the other direction. Kate, holding my arm, pulled me back, looking into my eyes one last time. "You can do it. I know you can."

I nodded, my shaky breath exhaling.  _Okay, I have Kate here, so if I feel like I'm freaking out, I could just go to her. Or, look at her. Wherever she'll be._

I nodded one more time and staggered my way there. I breathed slow, keeping (and failing) myself steady. He waved at me, smiling wide, "Hey Max!"

"Hey Warren." I paused in between the simple two-word sentence.  _You'll be okay._ I peeked at Kate, who decided to stand against Starbucks under the shade.

"How have you been?"

I shrugged, "Just living, going to school, living with Chloe and now Rachel, I guess. W-what about you?"

"Just moved here. It's pretty good so far and I was so stoked I found a job so fast."

"That's good."

My eyes kept dodging around, feeling awkward and panicked. I couldn't stop looking at Kate, who was still paying attention, giving me visual cues to breathe.  _Why can't I just act normal?_

"You wanted to talk, right? Tell me." He still smiled.

"Yeah, I feel pretty… pretty fucking shitty about it."

"You can tell me anything, Max."

I started to feel annoyed. He was so happy, like nothing weird ever happened between us. I wasn't sure if I was mad too, but I was less anxious. I was more disappointed in myself than mad.

It slowly felt more and more like I made a mistake.

"I-I'm—I'm really sorry that I broke up with you through the phone without saying why." I refused to look into his eyes when I blurted it out. "I just did what I usually did: move away and never talk again."

"It's not never again if we're talking right now." I was shocked; He kept the same happy tone. He didn't sound hurt or mad at all. "Max, we're cool! I was surprised, but I didn't lose my mind over it. I was like "I guess she didn't like going ape!'"

I cracked a smile; I genuinely wanted to laugh. "Movies with you were cool, but… us, together, was not cool. That sounds fucking harsh."

"No worries. But hey, it didn't work. Let me tell you, I'm not as oblivious as before! I remember times you weren't happy with me and that's okay."

"But, what I did wasn't right. I should have said how I really felt."

I honestly couldn't remember why I said yes to dating him, after going with him to a drive-in theater. He sorta solidified me being bi, but still liked girls more. Chloe, Rachel, even my own parents knew I liked girls to some degree before I even knew.

"Apologies accepted! No hard feelings."

"I could've sworn you texted me recently. I was freaking out over it!" I took my phone out.

He cocked his head to the side, confused as I was. When I showed him the text messages and the one blocked number I had, he released a long, realizing "oh."

"The one you called is mine, but that one…" He pointed at the mysterious, blocked number, "That one's my boyfriend's."

I barely comprehended the sentence. I thought I was dreaming at first, like I passed out again and made that whole thing up. However, I was awake and that sentence was real.

"Boyfriend?" I smiled at him, genuinely happy.

"Yep, he probably saw your name thinking you were another dude or something. I didn't even know I still had your number! We had a conversation recently and he had this weird, oddly threatening tone and he couldn't stop mentioning cheating. I had no clue what he was talking about."

"Yeah, and it pissed me off." Another man's voice interrupted.

"Nathan!" Warren said, cheerfully. "I know what you're talking about now! This is the Max you were indirectly talking about… We'll talk about breaking into my phone later."

"You're Max?" Nathan looked me up and down. I was uncomfortable under his glare, but his furrowed brows relaxed and his eyes darted around as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, well, shit."

Everything about him screamed "rich kid." Compared to Warren's style, there was a significant price difference. I recognized the name brands he had on, thanks to Rachel's shopping sprees.

After he apologized profusely (while I was forgiving him profusely), I was laughing and smiling again. We ended up in an unrelated conversation about ourselves and I learned Nathan liked whale noises and we shared a passion for photography. He briefly mentioned dreaming about punching the shit out of me, but I was more laughing than offended.

"But you know, Max," Warren stopped us from going any further. "I also remember that girl you were with in the cafeteria. You can always come to us for relationship advice."

"… Was it that obvious?"

"Clear as day!" They started to laugh at me. I was uncomfortable, but I knew the laughs were out of love.  _Note to self: learn to be subtle._

In the end, I unblocked the number and went on our ways. I watched for a moment as they walked away, hand-in-hand.  _I really was okay after all._

I ran back to Kate, who was grinning at me. Out of excitement, I grabbed her into a hug.

"I'm guessing all went well." Kate asked through giggles.

"Even better."


	25. Chapter 25

"You must be relieved now." Kate prepared two mugs of tea, handing me one. We were at her apartment again—her roommate still wasn't there.

"I really am." I nodded, sipping the tea and stinging my tongue. "Thanks, Kate, for being there."

"It was no problem at all, Max. I'm proud of you for putting on a brave face and spoke to him."

"Thanks. I can't stop thinking about it. It turns out, my ex-boyfriend's boyfriend was jealous and really wanted to fight me for him."

"That's… rather sweet, actually." She sounded dreamy, like she wished someone did the same for her. Or, that was how I interpreted it.

"I think so too." I smiled and nodded. "Remind me to repay you someday."

"You don't have to," she waved her hand, "Please, I'm happy enough you accomplished something."

I didn't reply, but I made a note in my mind to repay her.

"Have you started packing?" I asked instead.

"Oh, yes! I already finished! I'm so excited to go somewhere for break. Victoria was happy about it too, but jealous, of course."

"Anyone would be." I chuckled. "But, I… actually have to finish packing. I haven't even started I don't think."

"Then, why are you still here, Max?!" Kate jumped from her seat and pulled me up. I nearly dropped my mug as I placed it down on the coffee table.

"O-okay, okay! I'll see you later, okay?! We'll pick you up!" I ran out of her apartment to the nearest metro stop, cursing myself for not finishing my tea.

* * *

I wasn't able to talk to Rachel and Chloe about Warren. They were rushing me to fix my luggage and change into summer-like clothes. I couldn't focus on anything until I finished and ran out with them to Chloe's car.

"Are you ready or are you  _ready_ , Max?!" Rachel had thrown her huge suitcase into the back of Chloe's car. She was in her shortest pair of shorts and wearing a red bikini top. Of course, she still had a plaid shirt on. I was forced into a pair of shorts too, after some persistence. I was fanning myself as we all stood in the humid night.

I nodded, but I was not too crazy about it.

Chloe then slammed the car's trunk, alarming me, "I'm hella ready!"

"Let's go pick up Kate then! Have you been texting her?" Rachel went to the passenger side.

"Saw her earlier today, actually. But, she was already finished when I saw her."

"Why did you see her?"

"I'll tell you later. But, I did text her and Victoria is getting weird about it." The last text I got from her was about Victoria and how she was begging to come along this trip. I couldn't imagine Victoria, of all people, clinging onto Kate. From her words, it sounded pretty hilarious.

"We should have invited her along… Oh well!" Rachel shrugged her shoulders. At least we were all on the same page with that:  _Don't_ invite Victoria.

"Anyway, I need a picture for Instagram, of course!" She had her phone up and ready. I scooted to the middle seat to fit into the shot. They stuck their tongues out and I was stuck in the middle of them, smiling like a dork. Rachel's energy was rubbing off onto both of us, but fear was still sitting at the pit of my stomach.  _You're gonna be fine,_ I repeated over and over again.

"I don't think this bun thing is working for me." Chloe touched the tiny bun on her head. Rachel saw an opportunity and couldn't miss it. That was what Chloe wanted my hair to be, but the tables have turned. It was too small though, so it was becoming a funny-looking ponytail.

"Don't be bitter, it looks hella cute on you." Rachel complimented, but got a grumbled response. "So, Max, what happened earlier? About you going to Kate's place?"

"I may or may not have talked to Warren today."

"No fucking way," She was shocked, but she was very intrigued, "What happened? Was he being a creep?"

"Actually, no." I earned a weird look from her and a judging look from Chloe through the rearview mirror. I could tell she wanted to say something, to be mad at me, but Rachel cut her off.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Nope, turns out, his boyfriend wanted to confront me about it. Well, before he knew who I really was. I met him and he was okay, if not kinda scary."

Rachel's facial expression went through a series of emotions: confused, skeptical, then approving. "Right on, I'm okay with him now."

Chloe shrugged her shoulders. She was indifferent, but it was better than hatred.

"But, Max," Rachel's face changed to worry, "you're hella sure you're okay with coming along?" I couldn't help a smile; I appreciated her taking me into account, knowing anything could happen. She smiled back, chuckling a bit.

"I'm sure. Thanks, mom." I wanted to be sarcastic, but she really was my mom.

I switched my attention to the streetlights and dark street ahead of us, listening to the music Chloe decided to put on. Heavy bass hit against my feet, but still just low enough to hold a conversation without saying "huh" every sentence. I bet Kate has never ridden in a car that does this constantly before.

"How long is the travel again?" I leaned over to Chloe.

"Six hours, it'll be morning once we get there… fucking shit."

I sat back and crossed my arms, finally yawning from how late it was. It was one o'clock, after Chloe did a small shift at HUE sf. She had to verbally fight with the manager about it, but it clearly paid off.

We arrived at Kate's, where it was pitch black darkness, minus some rooms' lights in the building.

"Okay, Max, go get her." Chloe lowered her music, "Be a gentlewoman and get her bags."

Rachel chuckled and I rolled my eyes as I left the car. If I was going to be greeted by Victoria, I would hope she was in a good mood. A good mood for one AM, anyway.

I knocked on the door three times. I let out one last yawn before the door opened to a little gap. Kate's head peeked out and then smiled, "Hey Max."

"Hey Kate. Good thing it's you; I wouldn't know what to do if Victoria answered."

From what I could tell, her hair was up in a ponytail. It was probably Victoria's doing.

"She's locked in her room now. Come in, I still have some things to do."

"Uh, let me tell Chloe and Rachel first."

"Okay! The door will be unlocked for you." She went back inside and I left back to the car. I knocked on Rachel's window and she rolled it down.

"I'm gonna go inside, she still has things to do." I pointed my thumb behind me.

"Oh, are you "things" now?" Chloe smirked at me.

"No, like literally… things." I didn't understand it until I finished talking. I put my thumb down and cleared my throat.

She chuckled in amusement, "It was just a joke. It's cool, we'll stick here."

"You guys don't wanna come in?"

"Not after what happened," Rachel shook her head, "We'll be okay."

I nodded and went back, casually walking back in and was met with Victoria sitting on the couch. She had a stern look on her face and was in one of those silky bathrobes, looking at me like I just made the biggest mistake I could possibly make. We practically had a staring contest, yet somehow it felt like she was also divorcing me.

"Fancy you'd barge in,  _Max_." The way she said my name was like a stab in the heart.

"Hey Victoria. Kate told me she'd leave the door open."

"Did she now?" She crossed her legs and her arms.

"Victoria, please don't scare her off." Kate came back with a backpack, which looked kind of empty.

"I'm just talking to her!" She defended herself  _too_ quickly.

"It's fine," I waved off, even though nothing about this was fine, "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, do you want to carry this? It's my sketchbook and pencils." She handed me the white backpack covered in little rabbits. I grabbed it while I nodded my head, hanging it on my back, and watched her go back into her room.

It was awkward in the room again. Being with Warren was bad, but this was a different kind of awkward. One I didn't want any part of. I swung my arms around, clapped my hands together, and made eye contact with her twice, but they both physically hurt me. Why I dared to try at all was a mystery. Was she Medusa? I wouldn't be surprised if she really was.

Kate came back out with a small rolling bag, pausing about halfway.

"Are you guys okay?" She looked at the both of us, concerned.

"We're fine." Victoria said stiffly. She stood up and was ready to leave back to her room, only to have Kate grab her shoulder and then pushed her back to me.

"Can you guys at least hug?"

"What?" I took a step back.

"No."

"Please? For me?" Kate pouted.

Her face was still serious, looking dead into my soul. I wanted to run away, but I watched as her expression slowly changed into a smile.

"Sure, Katie, but just for you." Victoria's arms spread, but I obviously hesitated. Kate was smiling at me and waited until I reacted. I felt like her hands will go to my neck instead, killing me instantly. I approached and she pulled me into a death grab, making my life flash before my eyes. I weakly and shakily put my arms around her, showing a force smile to Kate.

In my ear, Victoria was whispering through her teeth, "Get her hurt and I'll  _fucking kill you…_ "

She pulled away again, still smiling and grabbed Kate into a hug, "Have fun in Long Beach then. Alice will be safe with me."

"Can't believe my rabbit will see your room before I do."

Victoria groaned, pushing her away, "I already said on the day we graduate."

"You mean, when  _you_  graduate. I have three years left!" Kate started to walk away, rolling her bag behind her.

"When  _I_ graduate, happy?"

Kate nodded and then waved her hand, "See you in a week!"

We walked out together; I grabbed her bag from her and carried them all the way to the car.

"I heard her saying something to you earlier, what did she say?"

"I couldn't understand her either." I shook my head _. Nope, I heard it loud and clear,_  but Kate has had enough of us not getting along. It still ran a chill down my spine. She practically hissed in my ear.

I put her bags into the trunk and got into the car, letting Kate go in first.

"Hey Kate!" Rachel greeted, "Cute outfit! You should wear tank tops more.  _And_ it's a little cold, so good idea bringing your jacket."

I was so scared shitless that I forgot Victoria dressed her. She looked cute, but she would  _never_ choose a tank top and shorts for herself. Like before, she wore her cardigan over.

"You think? I don't know, I feel very exposed right now." Kate said with a giggle.

"Long Beach is hot, so it's perfect."

"Alright, ready to get this show on the road?" Chloe announced, turning her car on again.

We all cheered. We got back onto the dark street and went off to our destination.

* * *

It only took an hour for Rachel and Kate to knock out in their seats. Kate had her head on my shoulder, holding my arm to keep herself stable. I rested my head on hers, surprisingly comfortable, and kept myself awake. Music was finally off and the only noises we could hear were the rare cars zooming by and Rachel's light snoring.

"You don't wanna sleep, man?" Chloe saw me in her rear-view mirror.

"Wouldn't want you to be so alone." I replied.

"How nice of you." Her tone was semi-sarcastic. "What are you going to do about Kate then?"

"What do you mean?"

"Um? You have a crush on h—"

"She's right here, Chloe."

"She's sleeping anyway!"

"Not when you raise your voice!"

"Well," Chloe turned hush, barely heard it at all, "What are you doing about it?"

"Like you're one to talk. Rachel already told me how awkward and shy you were with her."

"Now look at me, fucking gay as shit. Did you even learn if she's gay at all?"

_I was going by assumption at this point. Her actions spoke louder than words, but what would Chloe say if I told the truth? I didn't learn anything about her sexuality, other than her having sex with someone. I have to tell her that I haven't._

"No, I did not." I answered as I checked Kate, still sleeping soundly.

"What the fuck—"

"I'm sorry, okay? I haven't been able to."

"I will park this damn car and then  _beat your ass_ —"

"Holy shit, baby, what are you doing?" Rachel woke up from her harsh words. She reached over to touch her shoulder.

"What happened?" She looked at me with wide eyes.

Just awkward silence and shifting eyes were going on as my answer was stuck in my mind. I refused to answer; I got my life threatened twice in one night.

_What the fuck are you thinking?! You're so dumb! Kate is so sweet and kind, you could just ask! Why are you like this?_

"Max."

I blinked and gulped, replying sheepishly, "I'm being really stupid…"

"What's wrong? Chloe, what did you say?!" Rachel backhanded Chloe's arm. Her face was furious, but Chloe looked back, unimpressed and couldn't care less.

"Oh whatever, I was just trying to help!"

"You fucking threatened her! You know she has anxiety!"

"It's  _one person!"_

An altercation started happening between them, yelling nonsense about me, so loud that Kate suddenly jerked up and was fully awake again.

"Wait, what's going on?!" Kate tried to break it up, but they both yelled at her at some point to stay out of it. We watched them, our heads moving back and forth, as they barked about random things to avoid Kate knowing my disorder. It was becoming things like how Chloe was too aggressive, but Rachel's temper was way worse. This ride was becoming more difficult than anticipated.

Kate and I looked at each other, knowing we were both feeling helpless in this situation. She was clearly upset as she rested her head on my shoulder again. The fighting escalated into silly and petty things, like the time Chloe was pissed off at her and decided to cut the crotches of all of Rachel's pants. Chloe fired back with times Rachel had completely covered things in glitter so she couldn't use it. Even Kate laughed at that.

"FINE!"  
"FINE!"

They both huffed and turned away. I held my laughter, trying to keep my face as straight as possible, because I could see Chloe's piercing glare in the mirror. Only ten minutes pass before Rachel and Kate fell asleep again.

Chloe let out an exasperated groan, "Sorry, okay?"

"To me or her?"

"You, duh. Sorry for threatening you, I'll try to be nicer next time, but we're gonna talk about it soon."

"No prob, Bob."

* * *

It was silent. Three hours into our travel, everything had died down and the atmosphere was becoming less tense. As much as sleep called for me, I stayed awake. We stopped a few times at gas stations for small snacks and using the restrooms. Rachel was back to normal pretty fast, which worried me. She could be thinking about their previous fight and how much she wanted to yell about it.

For the last hour, they fell asleep once again, but Chloe and I avoided talking to each other. Only because it was finally daytime and we were just sick of everything. Our eyes burned from the sun rising, luckily Chloe had some sunglasses for herself. The sun was still pretty, I just wish it waited another hour before coming out.

Eventually, we arrived to Mothers Beach, where the house Rachel rented was. Apparently, the party was elsewhere, although, anything to postpone it for me was fan-fucking-tastic. I was happy to finally see the house, delighted really. Then, I saw how far away it was from where we were. Chloe and I groaned at the same time.

Chloe finally parked in the free spaces. She let out another groan, held down the car horn for a few seconds, shocking the other two awake, and then leaned back on her seat.

"We're here!"

"Oh, thank fuck…" Rachel pressed her hand against her forehead, "Let me just call to get the key and then we'll get to sleep."

"They better hurry… It's six AM for god's sake!"

Kate was still rubbing her eyes and getting her yawns out before observing everything around her. I couldn't help but watch her, a smiling growing from how cute the sight was. I looked away as soon as she put her hands down.

"Wow, it's a beautiful place." Kate looked out the windshield. A two-story light blue house sat next to the sand, with lots of windows and a balcony. The front was faced towards more to the left; it looked made more of glass. It looked lonely over there, since there weren't any other houses around it.

"I can't wait to just sleep my ass off…" Chloe said wearily.

"You need it." I replied.

"You too! You were up the whole time."

I shrugged my shoulders, humming an "I don't know" sound. All three of them were going to try to get me to sleep, holding me down or some other horrific way. Just a little something to scar me to rest.

After having waited for another thirty minutes, Rachel walked off somewhere and then came back with a key. I was worried as to where and how she got it, where she had to go, and why she didn't want Chloe to just drive over there. We were all standing outside, stretching our legs, smelling the salty air, and feeling the cold breeze against our skin.

"Rache, why did you walk? We could've driven closer?" I asked.

"You guys parked perfectly. We're in front of our house."

"Finally!" Chloe raised her arms, fists in the air, but then fell faster than when they went up.


	26. Chapter 26

We all rushed to grab our bags and then  _ran_ through the sand. Kate and I lagged behind as Rachel and Chloe raced. Keeping a steady pace, we weren't too far apart.

"You're sleeping the whole day?" She asked me.

"Are you?"

"Yes, I need it after that and from school. I promise not to wake you up if I can't."

I chuckled, "It's fine. Bother me all you like."

"Hurry up you slow asses!" Chloe called out in front of the house.

We sped up, laughing along the way. She was faster than me since she was only carrying her backpack. Dragging her bag through the sand, I was the last person to get into the house. I tried to act like I wasn't exhausted from hurrying and keeping my breathing as normal as possible. Didn't help though, Chloe laughed at me as soon as I got inside.

The house was a really spacious inside. It had to be ten times bigger than our apartments. Chloe took the opportunity to take over the pure white couch in the middle of the living room, making the multi-colored pillows scatter around as she jumped in. Our feet tapped against shiny white tiles, reflective and even more so with the furthest wall made of glass. Rachel went up to it, pressing her hand against it as she stared at the blue sea, calm and going with the wind. Kate took it upon herself to walk around, observing some of the paintings of fishes and the various plants placed next to the couch and the TV.

Being the weirdest one, I started to randomly look through the open kitchen, touching the granite countertops and looking through drawers and cabinets. Empty, as it should be.

"This place was better than expected!" Rachel awed, echoing throughout the house.

"Can we live here?" My voice echoed too. I looked up and echoing was due to high ceiling.

"Wanna drive six hours to school?"

Keeping my mouth shut, I closed the drawer I had opened. Chloe and Kate's repressed giggling filled the air instead, making this situation way worse.  _That was a stupid question. Note to self: think before you say._

"Anyways, let's go upstairs. We need to sleep the day off so we can get through the night!" After Rachel announced, she rushed to the spiral staircase, then Kate, then Chloe, then lastly me. Our luggage was neglected by the couch. We looped around on the stairs two times before we made it to the top, leading to a hallway with a room on one side and a room on the other side.

"Dibs!" Rachel went right and Chloe followed behind. Their door slammed shut and left Kate and I to take the other room. The room was the size of my living room. My eyes gravitated to the immaculate white bedding and the golden chandelier above it. Same tiles and a wall of oblong windows, overlooking the street and the plethora of little shops next to it. As I approached the window, I heard Kate kick off her shoes and drop into the bed, plopping down loudly. I turned around and the white bed was wrinkled from her. I followed her, lying down on the other side.

My body relaxed instantly. Being stuck on the couch for a month made me forget what it was like to be comfortable. My back was a lot stiffer than I thought.

"Are you going to watch TV?" Kate asked me.

Right in front of us, there was a white dresser and a flat screen was above it, attached to the wall. The black matched with the bed frame and it made the room feel less like an expensive hospital room.

"No, we need to sleep." I turned towards her. She was lying on her side, looking at me with a tired smile.

"You should try to cover the window then."

I looked at the window behind me and finally noticed the cream-colored drapes on the sides. I got up and started to slide the drapes to the middle, making the room dim. I climbed back into bed, getting one foot under the cream shawl at bottom.

"Good enough?"

She nodded. She sat up, shifted a little, and then her hand reached behind her head, pulling on her hair tie. Her hair fell to her shoulders as she shook her head around, fanning it out into a mane. I giggled at her, feeling the urge to touch it.

"I don't know how you have your hair up all the time." She lied down again, blowing strands of her hair out of her face.

"Isn't yours in a bun all the time?"

"It's two different things, Max. Taking my bun out actually makes me feel pretty."

"You don't think you look pretty now?"

"No, I feel like I'm a mess."

"I disagree!"  _What the fuck am I, a debater?_

"Of course, you do. You always think good of me."

I did a little hum before turning my head away, looking up at the ceiling. We heard a clock ticking as we lied still. What had happened in the car popped back into my mind, causing my heart rate to pound hard.  _I couldn't just ask her. What if I offend her? I'm okay with staying as her friend._

"We should sleep now." Kate got under the blanket.

"G-good idea!" I did the same, immediately hogging the blanket for myself. She wordlessly pulled on it back.  _I'm so dumb…_

* * *

I've been in worse situations.

However, being in the same bed as Kate and so apart that Rachel and Chloe could fit in between us,  _that_ was a new kind of situation. We kept pulling for the blanket, gripping it a little tighter each time we pulled. All of us were sleeping throughout the day, then when the night hits, we were out again.  _Right._ _There's a party Rachel just has to go to. I don't mean to be bitter or annoyed, but I'm bitter and annoyed in the anxious way._

My breath got caught in my throat. It was the only thing keeping me awake. I could see it now: people having the time of their lives and enjoying the now, but I was going to be there, enjoying the pain in my chest. I was just going for all three of them, though I was going to be more of a zombie than having fun.

Turning again, I was lying on my back. Staring up at the white ceiling and arms above my head, I took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled. The drapes were not helping with keeping the room dark.

Kate moved too, turning towards me, lying on her side and her hand under the pillow. Her hair was messy, covering most of her face. Instinctively, I reached over and moved her hair and bangs until only singular strands were left. She wrinkled her nose and grumbled but was still asleep. I turned my head away before I was stuck in a trance.

I sat up, swinging my legs down the side of the bed, and left. My feet pattered against the tiles, observing the various plastic plants and vases scattered around. At some point, Chloe made it her mission to pull all the drapes; she needed sleep the most. Despite staying up with her, I was the most awake. Various sounds like creaking put me on edge, especially on the stairs, making me stop in my tracks every single time.

_I should just decline. They don't want me there! I'll just weigh them down. They want me to have fun… But I can't!_

"Caulfield!"

I spun around, feeling a jolt go through my entire body. Chloe was at the top looking down at me, still exhausted and her eyes were drooped, waiting for a response.

"Chloe, shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"I had a feeling you were awake." She walked down, scratching her head and yawning.

I crossed my arms as I waited. All the nerves in my body were numb, ready for her to do as she said and physically beat some sense into me. Preparing for impact, I shut my eyes and flinched back.

"Dude, you okay?"

I opened one eye, greeted by the bewildered look on her face. I cleared my throat, "Nothing, I got some dust in my eye."

"Right. So, there's no better time to talk than now. Spill. Now."

I stood up straight to gain a small sliver of confidence, "I… I don't have anything to say."

"You have lots of shit to say! You're with me, you can't be afraid around me. I know what I said was messed up; it was the tired-me talking!"

I swallowed, a tight knot in my throat, "I just can't ask her. I've been able to say she's pretty and how awesome she is, but all this personal stuff I just can't bring myself to mention them again. I want her to tell them to me because she trusts me."

"You've literally went to places together and slept in the same bed, I'm sure her trust level is on high as shit, right? You guys stayed in her room!"

I turned around, dragging my feet and letting out a defeated sight, "I dunno… Just maybe she deserves someone better."

It was a thought I was forcing down. I avoided it as much as I could, replacing it with hope, but was  _I_ someone for her? Being with her felt amazing and my crush (even after admitting being just friends would be just as great) on her became stronger, making the thought louder in the back of my head.

"Are you—You can't think that after hanging out with her every day!" She hurried to stand in front of me again. Her hands were gripping my arms tightly, keeping me from trying to get away.

She released a defeated sigh, guided me to the couch, and sat around the pillows she didn't fix. Her hand waved to her lap. I went along, lying down and placing my legs over her. Could've sworn this was Rachel and Chloe's thing.

"Is it anxiety spiking or is it just you?" She rested her arms on me.

Different answers danced around in my head _. At this point, I'm not sure. I wish I could tell what I felt, but I never understood them either._  Whatever this was, everything with her, it was new territory and I haven't been able to keep up.

"Anxiety?" I choked up. Chloe stayed quiet, waiting for me to finally open up from my shell. I remember so vividly when I told her the first time. She and Rachel wanted to take me to a crazy concert, a can't-miss Firewalk concert they needed to go to. I tried to come up with any excuse I could: homework, hanging out with other people, taking photos for class. None of them were believable, so the moment they shoved me into Chloe's truck, I blurted out that I couldn't go. I finally cried out and explained my social anxiety to them. They still took me, but like at HUE sf, I was stuck at the bar with some sketchy guys and my phone.

"Maxtually," Chloe tapped on my knees, "You can tell me."

"I dunno! I don't know if it's called anxiety! I feel my heart race around her, I smile whenever I think about her, I just wanna hug her and tell her how cute and… fucking amazing she is…"

Chloe was smiling and nodding her head at me, "Think you're in love with her, dude."

"W-what, no, I couldn't be. It can't be."

"Uh, yeah! No doubt, you're just denying it because you never felt it before."

"You said that when we kissed!"

"Was I wrong, though?!"

I pressed my hand to my forehead, letting out a light laugh. We kissed two times; the first one was a dare. That phrase has forever haunted our second kiss. It happened so naturally—some romantic in the rain shit—that she swears, to this day, that I was in love with her. It wouldn't have felt so bad… if Rachel and Chloe weren't already dating at the time. Rachel knows of it now, after a little deal.

"Rachel slapped me for it!"

"It was…  _pretty_ fucking powerful…" Chloe seemed to remember it too.

Rachel said she would forgive us if she was allowed one slap in the face. I disagreed, but Chloe made me agree. She had to crack her knuckles and wind up, striking my right cheek so hard, it was red and bruised for  _weeks._

"But, what I'm saying is," She pointed her finger at me, "You have to start recognizing it as its own separate feeling. It's a… A  _good_ anxiety."

"That's not a thing, Chloe."

"You know what I mean!"

I sat up again, swinging my legs down, "I'll try not to be so negative. Not completely, but just enough."

_Maybe now was a good time to finally talk to Chloe about her problem. I haven't found good times to start it, but this moment was perfect. But she's relaxed…_ Instead, I nodded and smiled, unsure of how to even start with that.

"Here, I'll try to get some of my confidence on you." She suddenly grabbed me, holding tightly, and nuzzled into me. Her hair was tickling my face and neck, causing me to start laughing uncontrollably.

"Chloe, stop it!" I said through breaths. My hands were on her shoulders, using all my strength to push her off. Her arms only wrapped around tighter.

"Ahem!" A thundering echo went through the house. We stopped quickly, jumping to opposite sides of the couch. I clung onto the armrest as I looked up, locking eyes with Rachel and Kate on the second floor.

Those two couldn't be more polar opposites in this situation. Both of them were leaning on the white railing, however, Kate was smiling and admiring us while Rachel was looking daggers and a scowl on her lip.

"Shit…" Chloe said under her breath.

"Ready to get fucked up again?" I asked her.

"Yup…"

Rachel came down first. Her stance was straight with her shoulders back and her eyes were piercing and dark as she stared at us. She stood in front of us, hands on her hips, and scolded us like a mom that learned her kids broke a vase. She reminded me of her infamous slap and how she wasn't afraid of doing it again. I flinched at her hands waving around.

"For fuck's sakes," Rachel pinched the bridge of her nose, "We'll talk about it when our vacation is over. As for  _you—_ "

She pinched Chloe's ear, dragging her upstairs again. She was saying "ow" over and over until their bedroom door slammed again. Kate came down and sat next to me, still smiling and chuckling at what she witnessed.

"Life's never boring with those two in it, huh?"

"You could say that…" I weakly laughed.

"You okay?" She sat closer and rubbed my back.

"Yeah, we just try not to anger her so much. It's pretty intense." I leaned over and rested my head on her shoulder.

"Scarier than that?"

" _Oh yeah…"_

"You seem agitated," she stood up and pulled on my arms, "Come back to bed, you need to sleep."

I gave a side smile and followed, letting her hold my hand and guiding me back to our room again. A pounding in my chest started to go off and my lips started to curl at the ends.

" _Think you're in love with her, dude."_

Now I understood why Rachel and Chloe loved being so touchy when they slept. Kate hasn't let go of my hand and went to sleep that way, loosely holding on in between my fingers. Our bracelets right next to each other, putting yet another stupid grin on my face. I was able to fall asleep after another few minutes passed trying to relax and repressing most of my negative thoughts down.

* * *

It didn't feel long, but I woke and the room was dark again, light faintly coming in from the hall and slightly from the boardwalk.

My arm felt heavy and weighed down. Tingly too, because it was still asleep. I didn't question it at first, in fact I held it closer. Then, I had a small whiff of vanilla.

I held back a squeak as I stared at Kate.  _Okay, please don't panic! It's okay! Sure, she's just hugging my arm… and she's sleeping on my shoulder… and she's smells really good—don't panic!_

It was kind of like a puppy that falls asleep on your lap, like "sorry, I'm stuck here forever."

"You guys awake—Whoa!" Chloe was shocked, taking a few steps back. She put her hand over her mouth; her eyes were popping in complete shock. I didn't want to wake her up, but I proceeded to shake her and whisper her name until I saw her flutter her eyes.

"Is it night already?" She mumbled.  _Have mercy, she's so pretty._

"Yeah, unless you want to sleep more."  _Please say you'd rather stay home._

"I think I've slept enough," She sat up and stretched her arms up, "Good evening, Chloe."

"Sup," she took two strides into our room, "Rachel's getting ready now and we brought your bags up, so you guys should do that."

"Okay, thank you." Kate got out of bed and tied her hair up into a messy bun. Chloe awkwardly spun around and left the room.

"Did you sleep good, Max?" She asked as she fixed her shirt.

"Y-yeah."

Right as I got out of bed, I went to get our luggage outside our door, putting on her backpack and pulling our rolling bags with both hands. I parked them on the side of the bed as she fixed it.

"Thanks for bringing those in," she said as she fixed the pillows, "You could use the bathroom first."

I dug through my bag, literally, and found my toothpaste and brush at the bottom. I went into the bathroom, immediately closing the door behind me. Turning on the light, I was stunned by marble tiles and a large glass shower in the corner. I approached the sink cautiously, eyeballing the black counter and marble bowl. I ran my hand along the smooth and surfaces. I looked at myself in the mirror, realizing how much of a mess I was.

My shirt was wrinkled, my hair was out of place, and the whites of my eyes were red. I groaned at myself and started the water, splashing my face to look a little more alive.

_Alright Caulfield, you could do this. Rachel, Chloe, and Kate are there with you! As much as you want to stay in the nicest house you've ever stayed in, the intention is to let loose and learn to control your anxiety! You even went to a nightclub, that shit was packed! Just know if you can't, just leave somewhere, they should understand. And come up with something for Kate…_

After washing my face once again, I left my stuff on the counter and exited, welcomed by all three of them in the still-dark room.

"I really can't wait to go," Kate said to them, then looked at me, "Guess it's my turn."

"It's all yours." I stood next to her. Rachel and Chloe stood in front of me, arms crossed and looking at me with concern. They didn't start talking until Kate closed the door.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Rachel reached over and felt my arm—I tensed up.

I nodded my head, slow and with uncertainty. From her eyebrow raising and confused look, she wasn't convinced.

"This night is a big night, right?" She spoke again.

"It's fucking huge."

"It's a night of having fun and being free of life's problems and stresses. A whole week of just forgetting how much everything sucks. Doesn't that sound great?"

"Yeah…"

She gripped my hands, "Then take a chance! Going through what you have to go through every day is very hard, but promise me, you'll last longer than at the club. I don't want to catch you sitting on a curb again."

I shut my eyes as I sighed and then opened them, connecting with her hazel ones, wide and patient, "We'll just have to see."

"Don't force yourself, alright?"

I nodded doubtfully again. Rachel then left the room and Chloe patted me on the back, putting her arm around my shoulders.

"Come on, Cornfield, I know you could do it."

She messed with my hair again. She was laughing, but I could feel that she was worried about me. Even she seemed scared.

"Will food help? We're going to eat at one of those food trucks."

"Of course, food always helps. I'm missing on my coffee fix."

"Whatever helps you. Rachel won't say it, but you could definitely bounce if you feel like you're… losing yourself."

I wasn't like them; they did anything and everything they could in order to keep the excitement. No matter the consequences. I did once in a while, for their sake, but it kept me awake sometimes. I couldn't stop feeling like I did something wrong or I was being a total asshole to others. It made me stop breathing in times like those. Chloe told me about how she feared "losing the fire," but what if I become the one that puts it out?

"I've been keeping positive. I'll try my best to stay grounded."

Before Chloe could say anything, Kate came out of the bathroom again. Chloe's arm lifted off me.

"The shower in there is really big. I feel like it could fit all of us in it." Kate mentioned with a small chuckle.

"Don't give her ideas." I elbowed Chloe's side.

"Sounds hot," Chloe smirked, "Let's go, though. We have a long night ahead of us."

* * *

A short drive through the hot California night was surprisingly relaxing. The City Beach wasn't packed yet, though I estimated a few hundred people were already there. I could see a huge crew setting up a large stage for a DJ and performers. A few more were setting up a barrier for the party so it was ticket exclusive. Thanks to Rachel, she bought them, not like at the club where she could just waltz in.

My heart raced.

The beach was extensive enough as it is, imagining it with a crowd in it was overwhelming already. Kate looked at me from time-to-time and I looked back to give her a reassuring smile. Faking confidence usually helped.

It didn't feel like it was now.

We parked on the side of the street, right in front of the beach and a couple feet away from the first food truck we saw. The Cheddr Wheel as it was called and it was covered with all the different names of different cheeses. From what we saw, they served quesadillas. There were only four options to pick from, though.

"Do you want to share again?" I asked Kate.

"I was feeling something healthier today. Would you like to?"

"Oh… No, I was just asking."

"You don't like vegetables all that much?"

I pressed my lips together, humming, "They're okay."

She giggled and turned her attention back to the menu. We all got different items—they all got the vegetarian option—and walked out through the sand. We had our food trays close to our mouths so nothing could spill out.

"Kate, aren't you hot?" Rachel asked before she took a bite. I looked over and she was still in her cardigan, even though it felt like it was a hundred degrees (or, at least ninety).

"It's fine, with the outfit Victoria chose, I'm more comfortable with this on." She said it with a smile, but it looked forced. I thought about it, but not wanting to make assumptions, I stopped immediately.

We all finished our food, except for Chloe who shared off of me and Rachel, and before we knew it, people and crowds started pouring onto the beach. Lots of lights, booths for drinks and souvenirs that popped up out of nowhere, and the DJ playing loud EDM while people were drinking and getting fucked up in this one night. Colorful and blinking accessories were  _everywhere_ and this huge crowd was dancing altogether to this music.

We were walking around on the sand, Rachel was hanging around with everyone who knew her and were fans, even recognizing me and Chloe too. It felt so weird take pictures with people and being complimented; I had a small amount of fame. I didn't know what to do with it.

_Shit, what if they think I'm boring? I'm not as cool as they are._

"Hey, do you have an Instagram?"

_Are they secretly judging me? I don't look as good as them._ "No, sorry, I really should make one."

"You're so cute and you take amazing pictures!"

_Just say yes and thank you. Just say yes and thank you. That's it._ "Thank you!"

"Can we take a photo together?"

I replied to all of them with as much confidence I could muster. I agreed and said thanks to them and grabbed Kate right away, walking as fast as I could.

"Max, are you okay?" She stopped us near the water. People were splashing and playing around. The beach was completely packed and lights were everywhere. From what I saw, everyone brought their own drinks and coolers.  _I couldn't tell her. This problem is stupid! You don't need to tell her!_

"Yeah, it's just tough being recognized. It's never happened before." I forcefully chuckled. As I rubbed the back of my neck, she grabbed my hand.

As the sky went from a calming orange to a mysterious purple, I slowly but surely calmed down while I talked to Kate about random things that had nothing to do with everything around us. I was feeling normal, until I felt another hand grab my arm. I turned quickly, alarmed and ready to rip my arm out, but I saw the familiar blonde hair and flannel.

"Hey, we were looking for you two!" She announced. The music was loud even where we were. Chloe was now wearing the sunglasses, dancing behind her and holding an unopened bottle of beer. I hoped she won't drink a damn sip of it.

"Oh, I didn't think we got that far!" I replied.

"It's cool! Come on, we have music to dance to!"

They wanted to stay near the stage. Everyone gave Rachel room to move through, while we tried to squeeze in between. The music was blasting and vibrating against our feet and the audience we were a part of were hopping, dancing, sitting on people's shoulders, and surfing above us.

At first, it wasn't so bad. I was enjoying everything! I was jumping along and seeing Kate so excited made me excited! Laughing and dancing along with everyone, I thought I was going to be able to get through it for the whole night. Watching Rachel get on Chloe's shoulders so she could see was awesome as she screamed in complete exhilaration.

However, everything started coming together. All of the lights and beams were burning. The crowd around us were compacted, knew no boundaries and everyone touched everyone. Music blasted at us with huge speakers, making every thought pointless. I kept pretending I was having a good time, jumping around and forcing my laughs.

My hand was clutching onto Kate's wrist with a death grip. My breathing was becoming uneven. My pulse was throbbing in my chest. It was pounding against my ears. Vision was blurry. All the noises around me started to jumble together.

"Kate, I have to go!" I yelled.

"Do you want me to take you?" She yelled back. We stopped jumping and her words barely processed in my mind.  _I have to get out. I can't breathe. Get out. I can't do this._

I spun around and started to get out on my own. My vision was fusing the blinding lights and colors. Maneuvering through this felt like going through a never-ending maze. Behind me, I could hear Kate calling out for me.  _Get out. Get out. Get out._

I kept bumping into others, spilling drinks, and hearing warped voices left and right. I wasn't sure what they were saying anymore.  _I can't do this. Get out now! I need to breathe!_

I felt my arm being tugged and taking me somewhere. All the lights were gone, but the three people in front of me were nothing but colors.

"Max!"

"Speak to me, Max!"

"Hey! Come on, talk to us!"

_I can't. I can't. Get out._

Everything went blank.

Calls for help echoed around me.

A sharp pain hit the side of my body.


	27. Chapter 27

I woke up, but for a brief moment. I could hear Chloe panicking and honking her car horn. Rachel was looking back and forth between me and the front. I was resting against Kate and her arm was around me.

"Move, bitches!"

The cold air was hitting my cheek let me know the windows were open. Red lights were surrounding me. Their voices seemed so muffled in my ears.

"Can these fucking cars move faster?!"

"Come on, assholes!" Chloe honked the horn again.

I mumbled for help, choked and forced, but no one heard me.

"It's okay, Max. We're getting you home." Kate comforted.

My muscles felt tense and constantly being pricked with needles. I felt something hot coming out of my nose. I passed out again before I could react to it _._

* * *

Waking up again, my ears were still ringing and my vision was still blurry. Memories of the party were flashing before my eyes: all the people in my space, all the music, all the cheering, and me, frozen in place. I was back in the house again, the only thing lighting the room was the one in the hallway, resting on top of the plush and cloud-like bed. I was resting on something warm, holding me close. It was someone, someone wearing a black jacket and holding me against her chest. She was brushing her fingers through my hair and I could hear her sniffling and gasping. I held her back, wrapping my arms around her waist, and shut my eyes tight.

"Are you awake?" She asked.

I opened my eyes again, blinking a few times before replying. "Yeah… Kate, what happened?"

"You passed out at the party. How are you feeling?"

She pulled away and looked at me, touching my face and trying to find anything wrong. Everything in me broke from seeing the worry on her face. The whites of her eyes were red and the bags under them were puffy.  _Fuck, what did I do? What can I say to her to make her feel better? News flash, Max: there's nothing you could say._

"Y-yeah, I'm f-fine… A little lightheaded…"

"Okay, hold on, I'll get you some water." She got out of bed, leaving out into the hallway. I sat up slowly and grabbed my phone on the bedside table, checking if there were any messages or calls.

Nothing.

The time was past midnight. Two AM, to be exact. It has been five hours since then. I threw my phone back onto the table. I lied back down again, loudly and sinking into the pillow, shutting my eyes again and saying to myself over and over again, "Stupid…" I wanted to hit myself, over and over, just like at the library with the table.

I stopped when Kate came back again. She came back into the room, gently placing a water bottle on the table, and then crawled back into bed again to lie down on the other side. She stayed quiet, lying on her stomach, and playing with the corner of her pillow. I held my tears back and kept my breathing steady.

I knew she was waiting for me to speak first.

_I fucked up. That's it. What could I say to make her feel better? Seeing her like this makes me feel so shitty. What was there to say? She probably doesn't want to be here anymore. Say something, anything._

I turned to her, making eye contact for a brief second. "I'm sorry…" I finally choked up.

"Don't be," she scooted closer and started to run her hand through my hair, "There's nothing to be sorry for…" Her voice was soothing, low and hoarse, it was close to a whisper. "I'm just… hurt. I wish you told me."

"That's something to be sorry for!"

"No, it's not, Max!" She snapped. Her voice cut through the air and echoed out.

My eyes widened as she glared at me. Her hazel eyes were welling up and she was breathing hard. Her face eventually softened, sniffling and blinking all her tears out.

_Has she been crying the whole time? I made her worry so much she was crying about it… Fuck you, Max._

She sighed, continuing to comb her fingers, "I'm sorry. You've been out for such a long time, I couldn't help but lash out." She slowly breathed in, shut her eyes tightly, and looked at me again. Her breath was shaky and so were her hands.

I nodded.  _Seriously, fuck. You. Max Caulfield._

"I was so scared." She kept talking, sniffling after every sentence. "You started to act funny, then you passed out, and on the way home, you started to have a nose bleed."

"Did I bleed out on you? Damn it, I'm so sorry if I did—"

"No, luckily I was able to clean you on time. It happened two times. On the way and while you were sleeping here. I held you because you looked like you were having a bad dream." She retracted her hand, shifting her position on her side.

I could only imagine the faces I was making. Having bad dreams wasn't an often thing, but they were bad when they did happen. This has never happened before. I never let myself get to that point before and I wasn't sure what to do.

_Great, I made Kate panic. Good job, Max. Good fucking job._

I reached over and took a few sips of water. I turned to her again, scooting closer to almost touch her forehead. She didn't seem to mind.

"I told them to go back to the party," she mentioned, "I wanted them to have fun and I'll text them if something happened."

"I hope they aren't too worried."

_Stupid thing to say. Of course, they were very worried._

"I can't begin to describe the looks and words they were saying. They really are like your parents."

I didn't reply; I clenched my jaw. I crossed my arms and my eyes directed downwards to her lips and neck. Looking into her eyes was painful.

"Rachel and Chloe told me you have social anxiety disorder. That's all they said." She said dejectedly.

_It would be better for her to hear it from me._ "Yup," I pressed my lips together, "That's what I have."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I swallowed dryly. The talk with Rachel and Chloe was easy because there were two of them, although Chloe was angry about me not saying anything. But Kate and I were alone in this house. There were no noises or distractions.

It was just us.

I guess now was the time to tell my whole life story.

"Yes, we should talk about it."


	28. Chapter 28

Even though I said we should talk about it, I found myself wavering and jittery again. Kate was still so concerned that she pulled me in again, letting me rest against her chest again. I could hear her heartbeat, calm and steady, and I felt safe again. I put my arms around her again, pulling her closer. I practically melted in her hold and it made me sleepy and her hand going through my hair added to that.

I swallowed hard and released an uneven breath. "I can't really say when I started to feel anxious in social situations."

"Take your time, we have all night." She reassured me. The room staying dark made everything so serene. I could tell Kate anything.

"When I used to talk to therapists and stuff, I pinned it on moving away from Oregon for some time. I was diagnosed a year into living there."

She hummed, letting me know she was listening. "Why did you move?"

"My parents wanted to live in Seattle. We lived there for about five years before I decided to go back. I spoke to Chloe once and then… that was it. My parents made me leave before I could properly tell her goodbye. She was going through a difficult time in her life and I… I didn't talk to her for years. I couldn't." All my baggage was so heavy. I blamed myself for too many things, things that didn't matter now, and I let it consume and hurt me. If I don't fix it, I know it will affect me for the rest of my life. This had affected me so much that I still want to tell Chloe sorry every single day.

"Do you mind me asking what happened to her?"

I shook my head, "U-um, someone she loved passed away. I couldn't talk to her. I was so filled with guilt, I-I don't know why I decided to not talk to her. I got her messages and her calls, but… I fucking refused! I-I—"

Kate lifted my head up, a finger on my chin. Her shirt had wet spots on it from all the tears flowing out of my eyes and more streamed down my cheeks. She used her thumbs to wipe them away. Neither of us said anything as she laid my head on her chest again.

I sniffled and held her tighter.

"Were you afraid of telling me about your disorder?"

"I was. I was afraid of ruining… I don't know what I would be ruining. Talking about it has never been easy, ever. Even to Rachel and Chloe, the two people I love and would run through hell and back for, I couldn't even tell them until the last second! They asked me, over and over again, if I really wanted to come along on this trip. I still said yes. I didn't want anyone worrying about me and I always knew that going out and interacting more will help with my anxiety. That's what therapists told me all the time."

Kate stayed quiet. At this point, a therapist would talk about how they relate and different methods to help cope with it.

"Everything was fine at first," I wiped away at my cheek, "I was having fun being with you and them. I almost felt invincible! Then I really started to think about what was happening and what was around me. It was overwhelming me and something in me told me I had to go. After that, it was blurry and I barely remember leaving the crowd at all."

"I should have known when you had to get away from the people talking to you," Kate's voice was dripping in guilt, "None of this would have happened."

"No, Kate, I should have told you. Please don't say things like that. How could I say that I trusted you when I couldn't say that?"

"Disorders are a stigma, Max. It's never easy to talk about these things."

I clenched my jaw, thinking about what to say next. Though, if I fell asleep right now, I would be content with that.

"Tell me what happened." It came out of me as a whisper.

"You told me you had to go and I saw how disoriented you were. Bumping into people and knocking over drinks were a few things you did. I got Rachel and Chloe and dragged you out of there. You looked so… lost. You could hardly stand and you weren't responding to what we were saying." She paused, "Then you fell down and we carried you all the way to the car."

"I remember someone calling for help."

"That was me, but no one came."

Suddenly, I could hear faint and muffled voices, trying to remind me of what happened hours before. "I-I think I woke up at one point. I think it was in the car."

"I didn't notice that. All I wanted to do was take you home. Did you always get nosebleeds from this happening?"

"Never," I changed my position, resting my head on her shoulder. My hands were freezing cold and uncontrollably shaky. The tips of my fingers had millions of pins and needles going into them; Moving at all was so hard to do. I slowly exhaled, shutting my eyes, "I'm sorry."

I felt her head shift a little; she must've felt my breath.

"Don't be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry for."

I finally smiled, though weak, "Talking to you is always nice. When I spoke to therapists, they always have to get past resistance to get me to talk."

"How are you feeling now?"

"Good, better than earlier."

She hummed, hugging me tighter, "I'm glad I could help. But, promise me something, okay?"

"What is it?"

"If you can, you should look for therapy again. I can help you find one, because I don't want this to happen again."

"Y-yeah, I'll look into it." I hesitated at first. I really thought I got better at controlling myself. I had to admit to myself there was an issue.

I sighed happily, "I feel so much better."

"Me too. Let's talk about something else unless there's more you want to say."

"No! I would love to change subjects."

I decided now was a good time to sit up again and drink some water. I felt Kate hop a bit in bed, sitting up too.

"What's on your mind?" She asked me first. She was sitting with her knees to her chest, hugging her legs and smiling at me. Her hair looked so good down, I almost choked.

"I talked about myself enough," I chuckled, putting my bottle down and sitting across from her, "What's on  _your_  mind?"

She giggled and dipped her head down and then looked back up at me again.

She bit her lip, "Since the atmosphere is light again, I want to tell you something very personal."

"I may have a few ideas what that might be."

"Oh, really?" She drawled. I nodded; It felt like she was teasing me a little. "I trust you wholeheartedly and want you to laugh again, so I'll tell you the whole story on how I lost my… why I don’t where my purity ring anymore. Are you ready?"

"What brought this on?" I gasped. I couldn't lie, I wanted to hear it.

"It's so embarrassing and bad, but I want you to laugh! Also, we're far away from Rachel, Chloe, and all of my friends, so no one can eavesdrop on us. Are you ready now?"

I nodded so fast I felt dizzy after. I hugged my pillow and leaned over, resting my chin on it.

"So eager," she giggled at my reaction, "To start it off, I lost it in my dorm room in high school."

My eyes widen immediately, "At the Christian academy?"

"Yes, my Christian…" her eyes then darted around, suddenly nervous-looking, "all-girls academy."

My jaw fell open and I felt my soul leave my body.

"In school, I had to share a room with three other girls."

"Oh, my dog, your first time was a foursome."

"What? No, Max!" She slapped my arm.

I rubbed my arm and chuckled at myself. That was a dumb thing to say. However, she didn't mind that I implied she fucked girls.

"There was this one girl. I knew her since ninth grade and we shared a dorm every single year. The feeling I got whenever I saw her in the same dorm was so overwhelmingly ecstatic."

_ Kate, that's so gay. _

"She was  _incredible._ She was so funny and intelligent and she had the most beautiful blue eyes and really soft brown hair. She got in trouble for cutting it short, but they couldn't do anything about it. It was the beginning of twelfth grade and all the girls would start going around causing some havoc, like sneaking in boys or sneak out of school while sisters, teachers, and headmasters were not looking. Of course, things like coitus and the like were happening."

"I always thought that was a TV thing."

She giggled, "Me too. Anyway, on a Friday night, our two other roommates went out to see their families, I think. I remember us studying on my bed and she was incredibly unfocused. I remember this conversation like it was yesterday."

She was blushing a bright pink and avoiding eye contact as much as she could.

"I could still hear the sound of her shutting our textbooks. I was taken aback from the first question she decided to ask me. She made dirty jokes constantly, so I wasn't surprised when she asked about if I ever thought about ever having sex with someone."

"What did you say?"

"I gave an… indirect answer. I was afraid she was going to find me weird. Obviously, she was like, "um, yeah, of course I do.’” She then asked if I ever thought about it with another girl. I hesitated, because I thought I was strange for thinking that. Honestly, that was the only way I thought about it."

"Huh," I held back my excitement, "And then?"

"She answered first with a clear yes," she cleared her throat, "And since she said yes, I decided it was okay to say yes. She was my best friend, after all. What happened next is a little too risqué, but we pounced on each other and that was that."

I pressed my lips together, "I get it. It was so good that you remember it."

"Oh, heavens no, it was bad. It was  _really_ bad. I told her it was good, but it was the worst."

I released the most manic and explosive laugh; I didn't think I could get that loud. Kate was laughing more in a bubbly way, but then she started to hit me with her pillow. I fought her back until we both stopped laughing and we were breathing hard.

"We didn't know what to do! It's also an  _all-girls Christian school_. They never taught sex, let alone lesbian sex!"

I snorted and started another round of my unrestrained giggles, shoving my face into my pillow to muffle it. I lifted my head up again and I was literally tearing up.

"Oh, my god," I was practically cackling, "Oh, my dog, this is awesome!”

"It was a thing we did for the whole year! Like, maybe once a month, maybe? We must’ve done it more than that if I don’t remember.”

I raised an eyebrow, "Maybe that’s why you like rabbits.”

Kate hit me with her pillow again, but she was giggling, "What are you insinuating, Max?!”

“Nothing! Nothing,” I replied, but I knew she knew.

“I really wish I could end it on a better note, though. I really don’t remember how it was after the first. I assume it was good. I actually don’t talk to her anymore. I have no clue where she could be.” She had a look of pondering, trying to dig deep for her memories.

I nodded, understanding her experience as friends with benefits. Probably in her mind (and that girl’s mind), they were girlfriends.

"So, I guess you're indirectly telling me you're gay?"

She still had an upbeat and bouncy giggle, "Yes. I'm  _very_ gay."


	29. Chapter 29

"Damn, that was crazy, Kate." I was still getting my chuckles out.

"It's one of the craziest things I've ever done," Kate shook her head, "I would get into my whole self-discovery story, but I'm kind of hungry. How about you?"

"I don't know, is there a place to go to at this hour?"

I grabbed my phone and saw it was four AM.

"I brought some snacks in my bag. Just in case I was going to be home more than out."

"Oh," I raised my eyebrows, "Yeah, whatcha got?"

She jumped out of bed and laid her bag down, swiftly opening the front and letting it drop down. Under her neatly folded skirts were the same small boxes of cereal she gave me before.

"Do you want the same one?" She lifted up a blue box.

"Yes." I grabbed it out of her hand. I opened it right away and poured it into my mouth. Some of the cereal and sugar completely missed my mouth. She got back into bed again, opening her own box, and ate them one piece at a time.

"These taste so good at four in the morning." I already finished mine.

"They kind of do." She nodded, "Do you want another one?"

"No," I put my box aside on the table, "You should try to toss those into my mouth."

She chuckled slightly and then readied a Fruit Loop in her hand to throw. I got ready with my mouth hanging open and, as she threw them, they were hitting my forehead and being thrown past my head more than actually landing. The last one I actually chased for, diving backwards and slid off the bed. I landed on my back with a thud while I heard Kate laughing and gasping.

"Max, are you okay?"

I stood up quickly, hopping to my feet, "I meant to do that."

The pain was going to get to me in the morning. I rolled my shoulders back and got into bed again, watching her eat more of her cereal. I picked at the ones around me on the bed and ate them. She continued to eat, wordlessly and still one at a time, as if she was deep in thought.

"How about you?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, "What about me?"

"I told my story about my first time," she pointed at herself, then at me, "I want to hear what you have."

I clicked my tongue, "I don't have one. I've only kissed one person!"

"Who's that?"

I didn't answer at first. I thought about it as if she would find it weird that Chloe and I have kissed before. Then, I thought about it longer and it shouldn't be that weird! Kate was still friends with someone she went all the way with, so there was nothing strange about it.

"It was Chloe." I answered somewhat proudly.

"I thought you were going to say your ex-boyfriend."

"Nope, we never got that far. Was it worth it? I dunno, Rachel slapped me for it."

"Is that what she was talking about earlier?"

"Yup! She said she would forgive us if we let her hit us!"

"When did this happen?" She was amused. I could see it in her smile.

"It was raining a lot, so whenever that was. Plus, Rachel and Chloe were already together, so… that was messed up on my part."

"Because of a moment thing or what was it?"

"I think it was a moment thing? Okay, imagine, you're with someone outside playing in the rain. When she grabs you into a hug, there's this moment where you're looking into each other's eyes and then you just… kiss."

"I could tell you liked it very much." She poked at me.

"It wasn't worth it after being slapped by Rachel. You  _do not_ want that."

"I'll try not to get on her bad side."

"I have a feeling that you never will."

Kate finished her box of cereal and got out of bed to grab mine and threw it into the trash can inside the bathroom. She hopped back into the bed again, leaning over to get closer to me, leaning on her hands. "Do you like girls, Max?"

"Yeah, I hope you didn't think I  _only_ like dudes."

"You only ever talked about dating a boy, so forgive me for thinking you were."

"Nope, I like both. I would make a bi joke, but I have none."

She snickered slightly, "Let me know when you come up with one."

My mind started running and gears started going. I wish Rachel was here to give me one.

We both lied down again on our bed, turned towards each other. Kate was staring at something on me. I started to touch my lips and cheeks.

"Is there something on my face?"

"Just a little," she reached over, wipes away at the corners of my mouth, "Here. There was cereal on your face."

"Thanks," I bit my lip, thinking deeply on my question, "I would have never noticed."

"You're welcome," she pressed her lips together, "Can you… talk about when you started identifying as bi?"

"Sure, um, Rachel really helped me with that. Honestly, maybe Chloe also helped with that.  _Not_ because of the kiss, but just… her, in general? She's hella cool. To be honest, I didn't dwell on being bi or anything because I was around Rachel and Chloe all the time and they're the two gayest people on Earth. As for telling my parents, it was horrifying and I had to do it through Skype, but they took it pretty well. They even said they kinda knew already."

Kate nodded; she looked a little sad hearing it.  _I wonder what she has to say._   _If I make her cry again, I'm jumping out of this house. Not really, but I'll hate myself again._

I cleared my throat, "You mentioned earlier about the staying up late thing. Can you elaborate on that?"

"Well…" she released an exhausted sigh, "Give me a minute."

"Take all the time you need."

She reached her hand, stopping about halfway, and I held hers instantly. "I guess that and the whole self-discovery thing tie in together," She spoke again, more sorrowful, "I knew since I was really little, actually. It was so weird, because I always had crushes on girls but told myself I was jealous or every girl felt that way. When I started ninth grade and my parents kept trying to pair me up with "nice boys from next door" or "from our church" that took a toll on me. I acted like I liked them and wanted to talk to them. My parents got mad every time I turn them down or I admit that I never spoke to them again."

"Your parents are such assholes…"

"That's not even half of it. I started to really listen and pay attention to what everyone says and how they said it. Whenever gay people or anybody LGBT was mentioned, it was always so negative and hateful. It affected me to act like I wasn't crushing on every girl I saw. In high school, I didn't talk to anyone about it with anyone, but I self-diagnosed myself to…"

She tightened her grip around my hand. My heartbeat was getting faster and I gazed at her, waiting.

"What did you do?"

"I diagnosed myself as having depression. I was restless, I never wanted to eat, I was so slow and always apathetic, I lost interest in my hobbies… I still have insomnia and  _that's_ why I talked to people so late in the night. It's comforting…"

Kate started to sniffle and her eyes were watering. She was fluttering her eyes, blinking her tears out, gripping at her cardigan, but I didn't want her to act strong now. I pulled her in; now I was the one holding her to my chest. She stayed still before I felt her hands on my back.

"It wasn't just my family," her voice was hoarse again, "I got bullied a lot in middle school and I don't even know why. Everyone just disliked me… It was always about how I looked and a few even made fun of how I looked at other girls?"

She cried and whimpered into my chest, gripping my shirt in her fists. I avoided uttering another sound. Something in me told me that she never talks about this. It was justified, like she said, it was never easy talking about these things. Hearing her and seeing her like this; this was the most vulnerable a person could ever be.

"Kate, I had no idea…"

_I can't imagine how much pain she was going through. I can't imagine the pain she has right now._   _She spoke to me at night because she was depressed. She feels that way nearly every night and looked to me to feel better._

She lifted her head off to clean her face, "Everyone's always fighting something, right?"

I never want to see her like this again. Ever.

"Did you ever see someone about this?"

"I never could," she spluttered, "I always feel bad whenever I call for help. Like, I'm only annoying everyone and that everyone is friends with me because they feel bad. With her, my friends… especially to you, you always tell me it's okay and I can't stop thinking that it's really not okay!"

"It really is okay! Kate, you have no clue how much I love talking to you and  _being around you_. You always make my day better. I never want to be apart from you and I never want our conversations to end, because ever since I met you, my life has never been brighter."

_I really couldn't be more indirect with my feelings than that. Chloe, I swear, I'm not in love with her!_

She was quiet, but still sniffling. It gradually changed into a weak giggle. It was subtle and I didn't notice at first, but I couldn't help but muster a smirk.

"Are you sure you still think you're as smooth as sandpaper?"

"I'm pretty sure I still am."

She lifted her head again, using both hands to wipe her tears away and was beaming again, "You should reconsider it."

Outside the window, the sun was coming up. It was at the edge of the ocean, peeking out and turning the dark blue sky into purple and orange.

"You think they'll be back soon?" She asked me. She was coughing and still rubbing her eye.

"Of course, they should be back by now." I spun around and checked my phone. Alas, there was nothing.

I turned back and Kate was still lying on her side, facing towards me with a tired smile.

"Are you okay?" I reached, placing my hand on her side. She twitched the moment I touched her, backed up and pushed my hand away, and let out a very high-pitched giggle fit.

"Y-yes, I'm fine." She replied.

I was frozen in place at first, letting what happened process in my brain. When everything clicked together, a simper grew on my face and my eyes locked onto her torso.

"Max, no—"

I pounced on her, grabbing and playing with her sides, straddling her lap. I could feel her kicking her feet and she was trying her best to knock my hands away, but her lively giggles and the look of pure joy and excitement on her face were contagious and nice to see again after what we were talking about.

"M-Max, stop! I can't breathe!" She squealed in between breaths.

I thought I had the upper hand, but she used the strength she had to push me over and get on top of me. She gripped my wrists tightly and held them down above my head. I watched as she breathed heavily and got her last breathy chuckle out. I gulped and felt my mouth dry up. I was so overwhelmed by this whole situation: her on top of me, holding me down, while she's panting and sweating.

She lets out a sigh of relief and freed my arms from her grasp, "I win, never do that again."

I would reply, but all that came out was noise. We haven't broken eye contact yet. I was hypnotized and I was stuck back in her gorgeous hazel eyes, lost in the amber and green hues, and I couldn't seem to escape. I didn't want to. She was still for a moment, as if she was lost in me, too. We were still locked on as she leaned down, hovering above me.

I didn't know what I was thinking, but my first instinct was to grab at her cardigan to take it off. My intention was to make sure it was overheating, but the situation made it way more sexual. She didn't stop me. I could feel her breath. Our foreheads were touching and we were both obviously nervous. When it was half off, my eyes went down at the first thing I noticed was a scar. A scar going straight across her forearm. On both arms. Next, I was pulled closer, she pulled me by the shirt collar, a centimeter apart.

"Max! Kate! We're home!"

Kate jerked back and she snapped around to look out the door towards Chloe's voice. She hurriedly got off of me and fixing her jacket again. She turned to me, her cheeks were pink, and her eyes were wide. Wide like I saw something I wasn't supposed to see.

"Hello?! What the fuck are you guys doing?!" Chloe yelled again.

"Earth to Max and Kate!" Rachel hollered.

Kate ran out of the room, "Sorry, we were sleeping!"

I sighed in exasperation, making my bangs fly upwards.  _I need time to let that sink in._

"Hey Maxtropolis!" Chloe found me and jumped into bed, landing so hard I bounced up.

"Hey, how was your night?"

"It was hella awesome! Once we got back, we were in that crowd and dancing and jumping and the music was hella crazy!  _And_ you'll be proud of me for this, I didn't drink a single ass drop of beer! Or… maybe like one sip, but then I gave it to someone else! How are you feeling? You really scared the shit out of us."

I turned my head as I sighed in annoyance and confusion.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the fucking bed," her mood was down instantly, "What happened here?"

_Dog, what do I say first? What was about to happen or what I saw? Kate was telling me about being honest, but she was hiding something too. The scars looked recent too._

"I–I don't know. We were talking about our problems and ourselves and next thing I knew, she was on top of me—"

"Bitch, are you serious?!"

"U–um, well—"

"Holy shit," Chloe pushed me down and then hit herself in the head, "I wish I could reverse time or some shit!"

"That would be helpful…" I rested on my arms.

Chloe gave me a bewildered look and was shaking her hands from all this gay information she had to comprehend. Incomprehensive mumbles and shocked eyes were all she was able to do. I shrugged my shoulders in embarrassment.

_What do I do now? A moment like that happening, especially to_ me _, will never happen again._

We heard from downstairs, "Oh, my god!"

Rachel sounded very surprised— _hella_ surprised, actually. Chloe and I shot out of bed and ran to the railing, where we saw Rachel and Kate in almost the same position we were in earlier.

"Well, well, well," Chloe purred, "What do we have here?"

"You're not allowed to slap me!" Rachel pointed back at us.

"What—No fair!"

"Not like I was making out with her!"

I leaned over to Chloe, whispering, "Did you get hit again?"

"No, uh… She released her anger in a  _different way_."

I didn't question it. There was a very clear pink blush on Kate's face, I could see it from where I was, and she looked too nervous. This was so weird.

_I dunno what to do in this situation… I should just wait until she says something first! What the hell was this day?_

Chloe dragged me back into my room again, letting out an annoyed sigh, "Dude, you need to do something about this!"

"What could I do? When you guys came, she left immediately."

"Again, you go up to her and just. Ask." She clapped my hands together. Again, she was making it sound so easy.

She was definitely angry that she couldn't intervene and do it for me, as much as it was needed and that she wanted. She must have noticed my discomfort and ruffled with my hair.

"We'll help you, okay?"


	30. Chapter 30

For the rest of the day, I was with Chloe and Kate and Rachel were downstairs talking together. I almost forgot about the incident until Rachel and Kate came into the room again. Chloe and I were watching Family Feud, trying to come up with answers, and became severely awkward when Chloe yelled "dick!" at the TV as they walked in.

Rachel snickered and raised an eyebrow at her, "We're gonna go out for some snacks. Do you guys wanna join?"

"What do you think, Max?"

_I might as well go. I needed some air to breathe and Kate needed it, too. I dunno if it was just me, but there's a weird tension in this room and it was making me uncomfortable._

"Yeah, I think I'm ready to go."

"We won't leave you alone too long," Rachel waved her hand, "Plus, I'm still pumped up from the party, so I have so energy to burn."  _She seems… angry? I feel like she's mad at something? I hate to assume, but…_

I nodded. Kate smiled at me, but it felt and looked forced. I still returned one back.

* * *

We were back out in the sunset again, feeling the light breeze and, as Chloe walked ahead to hold Rachel's hand, I was with Kate again. She was looking ahead of her and up at the sky with her hands behind her back. Should I say something?

"Beautiful Kate we're having—I mean, beautiful evening!"

I saw Chloe slap her hand over her mouth and Rachel swatted her hand on Chloe's shoulder in front of us.  _Shit, if I wasn't the gay wreck before, I am now._

Kate giggled and looked at me, "Yes, it's very nice."

_I could barely look at her._ "What, uh, snacks are we looking for?"

"I'm looking forward to doughnuts, but  _anything_ would be great right now."

"That sounds  _amazing_." I sighed dreamily.

Kate nodded, causing another silence to commence. I rubbed the back of my neck, letting it happen and keeping my space. She got closer as we walked through couples and families walking on the sidewalk, peering into the shops and talking among themselves. She eventually put her arm around mine again, clearly worried for me. I was more focused on Rachel and Chloe in front of us. No one was stopping Rachel, however, the attention somehow shifted to Chloe on this day. Rachel hasn't noticed yet, but about ten people passed us just now and they were checking out Chloe more.

_Oh, my dog, people were really looking at her, while holding hands with Rachel-fucking-Amber, and ogling at her as she passed like she was the hottest person in the universe._  I was worried that Rachel really does know and was just waiting for someone to take it too far.

We waltzed up to a shop at the very corner of the street, a window with a long line going on for a mile, which only served doughnuts and coffee. They only seemed to serve at late hours, as the sign next to the window said four PM to five AM.

"Hey Rache." I tapped on her shoulder as we got in line.

"What's up?" She lifted her heart sunglasses. She was definitely the hot one in our group. My heart skipped a beat when she looked at me and that has  _never_ happened.

"Did you notice the people staring at Chloe?"

"What the fuck? No!" She gasped. "Are you fucking serious?"

I nodded slowly, suddenly afraid of her.

"If it happens again, I'm going to kill them." She put her sunglasses down again. How ironic that she had those on while saying she'll kill someone.

Chloe was more invested in the line, "How long will this shit take?"

The man in front of us turned around and responded, "I really don't know. I've been standing here for an hour."

"Oh shit…"

_That would be the correct response in this situation._  I held onto Kate's wrist, waiting for the ticking timebomb in Rachel to explode.

"Yeah," he nodded, "Hey, those are some gnarly tattoos."

"Thanks. You only wanted one?" She pointed at his arm.

I turned to Kate and Rachel. Kate was staring and wondering what was going to happen next, while Rachel stared behind her glasses, eerily silent with her arms folded. I blanked out on their conversation, only watching them talking back and forth, waiting for Rachel to interject herself.

"Oh, you seem to know a lot about cars." He was still talking. I missed ninety percent of this, but I think he was just mansplaining to her.

Chloe just nodded. She wanted this to be over just as much as we did.

"That's pretty hot." His arm was starting to reach over, probably to put his arm around her or touch her.

Rachel finally reacted, pushing him hard enough to actually take a step back. "Okay, back off," Rachel lashed out. "She's with me."

"Whoa, hey, I was just talking." He put his hands up defensively.

"Hit on her again and I'll hit  _you_!"

"You're lucky I can't hit a girl!"

She threw her glasses off, "Try me, motherfucker!"

Chloe and Kate were looking at this altercation she was starting _. Why isn't she doing anything?!_  They backed up, completely out of the line, with wide eyes and dropped jaws. Everyone else around us watched, with their phones already out. Panicking, I grabbed onto Rachel's shoulder, "Okay, hold on, Rachel! Calm down!"

Rachel had steam blowing out of her ears and her eyebrows were creased. Chloe finally took action and got in between them, holding her down and pushing her away from the man.

"Let's just go!" Chloe took one look, a sharp glare, at the man and back at Rachel. "Let's fucking go!" She had to carry her away as she tried to kick and get out of her grip.

Kate and I were speechless. We followed, but we couldn't say anything or start a conversation.  _Wowser… she would kill that man if we didn't stop her. What's going on inside her head?_

* * *

Like she always does, Rachel was silent and avoiding any vocal interaction and holding onto Chloe's hand for dear life. It took a while for her to calm down, like a fussy kid.

We took a long stroll, turning at corners and going deeper into the middle of Long Beach, passing small restaurants and salons, filled with happy and carefree people, until we saw something familiar: Starbucks. I repeated my question in my head before I said it aloud.

"We should get something in Starbucks," I spoke up, "We could share those little cake pop things. Just a suggestion…"

"You know what," Rachel finally spoke, but her voice was low and unfeeling, almost, "That's a great idea."

The three of us looked at each other, scared out of our minds. The short and sweet—pun intended—mission to get chocolate cake pops was successful and we were on our way back home. We got twenty, splitting ten and ten between us.  _You know, the more I ate these, the more they were becoming enjoyable._

"Am I about to see a different side of Rachel?" Kate asked me. "A different side" was an understatement. It was like a locked-up achievement, but it was the achievement you never want. Though, you somehow lock that shit anyway.

I finished chewing on one and sighed, "Maybe. I can't guarantee, because I feel like she's gotten better at controlling her anger. Can't be sure…"

"I'm scared."

"Me too."

We all stopped near our house, standing on the sand and watching the people on the beach playing volleyball or running near the water. Chloe didn't seem so bothered by her reaction, though she was trying to make her feel better like hugging her and kissing her cheeks. Rachel's lips twitched from her attempts, so she was holding back from grinning.

Kate and I walked a few feet away from them, we already finished our pops, looking more at our feet than each other. She stopped.

"This place is really pretty," Kate was looking out to the water, "I have to admit."

"It is, but," I side-smiled, "I like San Francisco more."

_Come on, be corny and say she's the reason why you like it more._ "I'm used to being there and it's too hot here anyway."

She weakly smiled and then looked towards me. She looked upset and scared, almost.  _Did I say something wrong? Don't panic. I'm sure she's fine. Max, don't! She's fine!_

"Listen, Max… I…" She pressed her lips together.

"What is it?" Anxiety kicked in and I felt myself holding my breath for an answer. I held my hands together to stop them from shaking so much.

Her facial expression changed a few times, different looks of confusion and uncertainty, and she hasn't tried to say a different sentence or finish one at all. She was clearly unsure yet had a million words to say. I gulped and grabbed her arms; I wouldn't want her to force herself.

"You don't have to say it right now. It's okay."

Kate was biting her lip, "Can we wait until we're home again?"

"Of course, whatever's more comfortable." I squeezed her arms, sending her a weak smile.

"Thanks…" She walked back towards the other two again and I followed.

As we walked over, there was another group approaching. I didn't think much of them, they were a group of four girls too, and were just walking to where they need to go. As one of them passed Chloe, she cockily slapped her hand on her Chloe's ass. The atmosphere automatically shifted.

"Hey!" Rachel instigated, "She's mine."

Chloe and this stranger were the same height, so of course she laughed at Rachel's attempt to be the bigger person.

The girl scoffed at her, "I see. You're the model, aren't you? Fight me then, how tough could you be?"

"Uh, Rachel!" I rushed and grabbed her arm. "I wouldn't do this if I were you!"

Chloe held onto her another arm, "Yeah, babe, you don't have to do this!"

"My face is free." The girl faced her cheek towards Rachel, provoking her.

Rachel growled and swung her hand out of my grip, scratching four lines onto her face. She reacted by sucking on her teeth and placing her hand over it, "You're fucking dead!"

"Let go of me!" Rachel pushed us off, lunging at the girl and taking the upper hand immediately. She was knocked over to the ground, Rachel sending punches left and right at her face. Like she said, it was free.

"Rachel!" Chloe grabbed her by her sleeves and pulled her off. She embraced her, holding her arms down to stop her. Rachel was out of breath and we all stared as her opponent got up, bloody and scratched up.

"Shit… Good-fucking-bye to your career, bitch!" The girl spat and left with her friends down the sidewalk.

"God damn it…" Chloe murmured. "Let's go home."

With the short and silent walk home, we took our separate ways in our rooms, simultaneously closing the doors. Kate got ready for bed first, taking a long shower beforehand, and then me. All I did was change and brushed my teeth, then headed back to the room, where Kate was just sitting in bed with her knees to her chest.

_I have to be brave now. Just ask her._

"What did you want to talk about?" I sat next to her, matching her position. She took a deep shaky breath and then held her hand out. I grabbed it, interlocking our fingers.

"What happened earlier…" I saw her jaw clench. "Did you… see something?"

"See something?"  _The scars on her arms. I couldn't tell how recent they were, though. I had to guess when she started wearing her cardigan and sweaters more. There's something deep in her mind. Something causing this beyond what she had told me._ "N–no, why do you ask?"

"Nothing," She let go of my hand, "I… I don't know what that was. It was a lot like what you said about being in the moment." She laughed, but it felt sad. She didn't mean a single second of it. "Let's just… Can we forget it ever happened?"

"Yeah,"  _I lied again. I can't forget about this. Not when she's like this._ The way she looked at me, like she was pleading and numb, I could barely look. "Of course. What happens in Long Beach stays in Long Beach."

She chuckled, more genuine this time, "Yes, something like that."

"Alright, no prob. You sleep first, I'm gonna go and give Chloe a piece of my mind." I grabbed my pillow as she got under the blanket.

"This has been a difficult day." She yawned.

"Yeah… Goodnight, Kate."

I left out the room and turned the light off for her. After I closed the door, I heard voices coming from downstairs.

"—know what got into me!" That was Rachel.

For whatever reason, my first instinct was to crouch down.  _She sounds mad._   _I can't intervene now, they'll kick me out._

"That was fucking stupid, Rache! What the fuck was that?!"

"Chloe, people at the party were hitting on you, touching you, and  _that_ wasn't even the first time someone smacked your ass! All I did was watch and let all my anger bubble up! How will I talk to my manager about this?!"

"What I do know is that I won't let you say "good-fucking-bye" to your career. You're not walking away, not after everything you've done to get here. I'm not letting you."

"I think I went from inspirational to awful. The magazine headlines will change to "Rachel Amber  _Alert_."

"So-fucking-what? Companies will try to change it to as if you just randomly attacked her, but we know that she challenged you."

"… Would you be okay with me leaving, if my manager asked?"

It was creepily quiet. About five minutes pass of coughing and my racing heart.  _I know she's getting ready to yell about the drinking. I could feel it._

"No, but if that's what needs to be done."

"Baby, I want to take you along, I really do! I would love to travel and experience everything with you and create new memories… You don't want my life and I don't want it for you."

It was quiet again; I could faintly hear them heavily breathing.  _Oh dog, what's gonna happen? I can't get in the way again! I'm sick of all the shit going on this shit day…_

"I can't be apart from you again!"

"Why?!" There was a sharp snap in her voice. All her built up again from the first fight was coming out and all at once. My heart raced faster.

"Why do I need to say it?! I hate us not being together! I love you, Rachel!"

"If you fucking loved me, you would be okay with me being away!"

"I don't want that—"

"You're a fucking alcoholic, Chloe!"

Their breathing was louder now. The tension in the room was high. I gripped my pillow as the sentence echoed and cut through the air.  _Fuck… What the hell is going on down there?_

"Max told me! The whole time I was gone, you drowned yourself in beer and you cried because you missed me and wanted to be with me! I love you, Chloe Price, I do, but when I heard that for the first time, I was scared! What if you die? What if you poison yourself? What if it started to change you? Then I would die too!"

"Rachel," Chloe was on the verge of tears, I could hear it in her voice. "Fuck, I—I ruin everything. I didn't know—W–why didn't Max say anything?! Why can't I remember—I'm such a fuck up!" The sound of her fist connecting with the wall reverberated through the house.

"I hate us fighting." She was crying too, "I hated us fighting and us not talking… I hated thinking about the whole time I was out there and you were home doing that. I'm okay with ditching—"

"It's my fault, don't fucking say that!" Chloe hit the wall again, trying to catch her breath through her sniffling. "I hated us not talking. I hated how we were together, but it didn't… it didn't feel like we were together. I hated having to tell Max we weren't talking!"

"Me too. I hate bringing her into this. This is us…"

"It's me, Rachel. It's always me…"

"We were both the fuck up in this, Chloe!" I heard Rachel sigh. I was nervous but, at the same time, so relieved to hear them finally talking. "We're in this together, okay? We've been us for years and I'm not stopping now."

All I heard was the sound of Chloe letting all of her emotions again, hearing her strained breath trying to breathe and hearing a weak "I love you." In a lower voice, Rachel said it back.

I figured it was safe to get up and see what was happening down there. I peeked my head up and saw them standing in the living room, embracing tightly and closely, as Chloe cried on her shoulder. They were rocking from side to side. From what I could make out, Rachel's eyes were shut tightly.

I wouldn't want to ruin their moment, so I reached up to the open door and went back into the room.

"You're back already?" She asked so fast, she probably hasn't slept yet.

"Yeah, they were busy talking. I didn't want to bother them." I stubbed my toe a couple times, one on the dresser and one on the bed; I cursed under my breath both times. I got into bed, pulling the blanket over my head. I aimlessly reached, but slowly so I didn't punch her, and cuddled against her back.

I released one last yawn, "Goodnight, Kate."

"Goodnight, Max. Sweet dreams."


	31. Chapter 31

The rest of our week was as if we lived there.

Waking up, going out, getting food, and shopping were the things we did for this week—I finally got around to taking pictures. I don't know if they felt it too, but there was this strange tension between all of us. We all acted the same and did our usual thing, yet there was an unwelcome ambiance looming over us. I couldn't bring myself to talk about it or even briefly mention it; it has been a tough week for all four of us.

_It's weird. There are multiple elephants in the room. Rachel and Chloe. Kate and I. Just Kate. Me._

On the very last night we stayed there, I woke up in the middle of the night and slowly got out of bed to go sit in the living room. I stubbed my foot once again on the way out, but the pain in my back from falling finally got to me and  _that_  was more intense.

The lights in the living room were on and lying on the couch was Chloe _. She must be as restless as me. I don't blame her. She's having a tough time too._ She looked to be staring at the ceiling and rocking her foot from side to side; she must have been there for a while.

"Hey Chloe." I greeted her as I went down the stairs.

"Hey Maxaplex." She sat up, letting me sit next to her. She swung her legs over my lap and let me rest my arms on her.

"Why are you awake?"

"I was gonna ask you that."

I shrugged my shoulders, "Not sure. This week died down fast…"

"It was hella intense at the start. You look like you have more to say."

_I guess. My problems felt so small compared to hers._ "After the whole incident between me and Kate, she told me to act like it never happened. That… That made me feel—I dunno how that made me feel. It just wasn't good."

"Ouch. Her little Christian heart couldn't take it."

"I think it's more than that."

"What does that mean?"

I exhaled, long and slow, "Before she told me that, she asked if I "saw something.'"

"What the fuck—"

"I saw something and I'm sure that's what it is. I don't wanna jump to conclusions, but I saw something on her arms. Like, there were c–cuts there."

"Holy shit… That's insane. That's crazy to hear about Kate. She seems… hella…"

"Innocent?"

"Maybe that's the word." She sat up, scratching at her head.  _Whatever it is, it wasn't something Kate would do. Then again, after saying she has depression, it wouldn't be so crazy to think about it._

Chloe hasn't looked me in the eyes. She looked so lost.

"You haven't… relaxed, haven't you?" I asked her.

"How obvious is it?"

"Like neon lights," I touched her arm, "You can talk to me."

She audibly sighed and ran a hand through her fading-blue hair. She was so stressed it was rubbing off onto me. She scooted closer to rest her head on my shoulder.

"Do you remember me waking that one time and I asked about that weird, shitty feeling I was having?"

"Yeah, then Rachel made you go back to sleep."

She faintly chuckled, "Yep. Tell me, Max, how bad was it?"

I gulped dryly. Now nothing wanted to come out.  _Come on, Max, open your stupid mouth._

"I totally remember getting them." She kept talking. "The drinks, but all I remember after that was the pain in my head. I used to get them from coworkers working at Hellbucks. Then I hit twenty-one and, fucking hello, I bought them. It's been fucking with me since Rachel told me about it and since we live together, you know something."

"Well… It didn't happen all the time, but I will never forget you crying all over me about Rachel and how much you missed her. It was weird, like, in your drunken universe, it felt like she was dead. "I miss her so much, I want her to come back, she didn't deserve this…" Even I was missing her, but in reality, she was a phone call away. You never listened to me; you allowed yourself to drone on about her."

"Why couldn't you tell me about this?"

"You acted so normal the next day, minus the migraine! What was I supposed to do? "Hey, you were crying on me like your girlfriend died yesterday, just so you know?" Chloe, I wanted to tell you, but something like that is traumatizing!"

She slowly groaned, running and scratching into her hair, "Why do I fucking ruin everything?"

"You and me both," I sighed sadly, "I'm sorry, Chloe. But, we're all here for you and we'll help you sober up."

"Won't help with working at the club."

"No, I honestly think it would be better! You would only be serving them. And, I know you hate your manager, but maybe if you push your rebellious side away, you would actually follow the rules."

She hummed in agreement, "I'll ask Dana for help too. I promised Rachel to, at the very least, drink less, but I'm  _really_ thinking about stopping for good."

"We'll help you with whatever you choose. Let's make a plan when we get home?"

Chloe lifted her head and nodded, "I'm hella ready."

I chuckled, "I believe in you."

We stayed quiet after that. It was complete silence, not even a ticking clock to fill the void. She was sniffling again, bringing her hand to her face from time to time, and shifting around.  _I have an idea._

"Hey…"

She lifted her head and her eyebrow, confused, and wondering what I was going to say next.

"I feel like doing something crazy."

She smirked, "Me likey. What's going on up here?"

She poked me in the forehead, causing me to laugh and rub my forehead from it, "Since Rachel and Kate are asleep, and  _I'm_ having a photography kick, I'm saying let's go out."

"Me fucking likey! Let's do this."

* * *

What a complete opposite to Rachel's photoshoot. She was daytime and bright and happy and she was posing around. It might be a hella cool project with Chloe's darker, possibly more grunge and angsty, photoshoot, to contrast. I wouldn't know what to name it, something like "You're the Day to my Night" or something cheesy like that.

We didn't even change out of our pajamas. I sneakily grabbed my camera and film out of my bag and we ran out of the house, through the sand.

I stayed behind, readying my camera as Chloe ran and spun around, cheering and screaming like she was queen of the world, taking a few test shots. We felt the cold breeze against our skin, relaxing us and making the photoshoot more exciting for us. To get the conversation out of our heads, we hopped and cheered beforehand. I nearly forgot that I wanted this to be a photoshoot.

"Okay, okay," I grabbed onto Chloe's arm, stopping her in her tracks, "I have an idea, but I need you to be okay with it."

"Sure, anything." She placed her hands on her hips, sweating and breathing heavily.

"I was thinking, since I did a photoshoot for Rachel, I wanted to do one for you. I was thinking a more serious one, but I could totally go the same energetic route."

"Please, I'm a punk ass, edgy fuck!" She emphasized the f, "I'll be a grungy and emo shit for ya any day."

She was still in a tank top and her plaid pajama pants, making her more homeless than an "emo shit." Under the streetlights, though, it was more mysterious that way. She interacted with the streetlight poles and lifted her arms as she looked up at the sky, as if she was reaching for the full moon. The pictures worked best in near-darkness and that was when the flash was very useful. If Chloe still smoked, these photos would add more angst. It was still very similar to Rachel's photos, though.

"Race you to the water!" Chloe called out and started sprinting off.

"Hey, wait!" I chased after her. Fully clothed, she ran through the water and splashed around. I stayed on the sand and let my eyes adjust to the darkness, so I could take my shots. The film was going to have a harder time developing with all the movement she was making.

"Come on Max, get your flat ass over here!"

"I'm having enough fun standing here! Keep going!"

That wasn't a lie; I haven't been taking enough pictures. It was almost therapeutic, if I could call it that. It might not have been as angsty as I wanted, but Chloe was happy. After taking the same amount as I took of Rachel, I yelled out that I was done.

"For fuck's sake," she came out of the water and started to strip down, "You're getting in there. Put your shit down!"

I hesitated. I was taken aback when I noticed she was not wearing a bra at all; I instinctively snapped around to not look at her.

_What a gay disaster thing to do! Turn back around!_

"Grow up, Max!" She grabbed my forearm to turn me around again, "Come on, what are you, a chicken?"

She started to cluck and flap her arms at me.

"Fine, you asked for it!" I started to take off my shirt and shorts, placed my camera on top of them, then ran after her.

The first thing I did was push her down, making her completely soaked.

"Come here, Caulfield!" She grasped my wrist and dragged me down with her, drenching me too. I wiped the water from my face and spit out some that got into my mouth.

"Oh shit, remember when we snuck into the Blackwell pool?" She reminisced.

"How could I forget?! David almost caught us!"

"Hey, we were never caught!"

David was her stepdad, whom she completely hated and wanted nothing to do with him. Back to the swimming pool thing, it was more of Rachel and Chloe's idea; Chloe's crazy ass just wanted to break into school for shits and giggles. That was how we tell that story, but we really were convinced someone was after us and we wanted school records, which somehow lead to the pool. We got up from the water and started to splash water at each other.

She was grinning and laughing her heart out as she grabbed me, lifted me up, and then spun me around. We continued to play around; time felt frozen while we were out there.

When we had to get out, our fingers were prune and our skin was covered in goosebumps.

"That was fucking awesome!" Chloe praised.

I wasn't sure where to stare at her. She looked incredible in nothing but her black boy shorts, soaking wet, and shining in moonlight.  _So fucking gay, geez._

She continued, "Thanks for taking me out here. I really needed it."

"No problem," I nodded at her as I put my shorts back on, "One last hoorah, right?"

"Hell yeah." She nodded back, "You're giving me that look again."

"What look?"

"The lovey-dovey look." She smirked at me, still shirtless.

"Put your damn shirt back on!"

We walked back to the house and went back in, thankfully, Rachel and Kate were nowhere to be found on the first floor.

"Thank god," Chloe sighed in relief, "I would die right now if Rachel was here."

"Me too. Let's just shower and sleep for the rest of the night. We have a long drive ahead of us."

Chloe groaned, "Fuck, I know."

We both went our separate ways and I went straight for the bathroom. We were spending so much time with Rachel and Kate, I kind of forgot that it was just us hanging out before. It felt nice doing that again.

* * *

The next day, we all woke up around noon, packed all our things, and left on another road trip back home. We fixed and cleaned the house to the best of our ability, returned the house key (which Rachel ran off and then came back again), and left. Rachel seemed to be in a better mood now, probably because she didn't have to stay near where she nearly disfigured someone's face (and getting all her anger out to Chloe).

"That was fun, right guys?" She asked all of us happily.

"Yeah, I had fun traveling around and seeing some cool places." Kate replied first. There was some… sadness? I could hear it in the way she answered, but she was smiling.

_I want to ask her what's wrong. Now isn't a good time, but she looks really upset. Did she not want to go home?_  I brushed it off for now. The subject needed to change, fast.

"Hey Rachel, Chloe and I took these last night!" I reached into my bag on my lap and took the stack out, handing them to her. I watched as she flipped through them, even though most were blurry, she was still chuckling at seeing each one.

"I'll forgive you for being outside so late," she turned to look at me, grinning and shuffled to the next picture, "Do these go with mine?"

"That was the idea."

"I really like this one," Rachel took a closeup photo of Chloe under the streetlight, handing the stack back to me, "I'm keeping it."

I nodded, "It's all yours."

After that, the rest of the trip was filled with radio music and small talk, leaving behind the craziest days we ever had.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Trigger Warning- Mentions of self-harm

The first thing Rachel did when we got home was grab a red marker from my desk.

"I'm drawing this on you to remind you," Rachel grabbed Chloe's hand and drew a bold red "X" on the back, right over her anchor tattoo, "to avoid drinking too much."

We got home in the afternoon after dropping Kate off at her apartment. We all unpacked our stuff, shoving them into the hamper or dresser, and changed into new pajamas.

Chloe stared at it for a while, turning her hand around. She looked at Rachel, unamused, "Do you honestly think this will work?"

"Absolutely  _not_. That's why Max is still here! She'll be helping you too, so think of something to reinforce it. It has to be negative and makes you just fucking sick of it." Rachel turned to me and folded her arms, "Any ideas?"

We were standing in the middle of the living room, back in the poster-covered mess we all loved, because we were all sick of sitting down in the car.  _I had no idea how to help Chloe, other than what Kate had said before—look for therapy. Which wouldn't be so bad! We wouldn't be so alone in our individual problems._

As I put my hand on my chin and hummed, I thought of three different ways I could help her. "Negative… Can I hit you?" I asked Chloe.

"Are you Rachel now?" She pointed at her.

"It could help, but Chloe would hate that eventually. I know I would." Rachel shook her head.

_Right, she's confrontational and would literally fight a bear. There's "hit Chloe" off the list._

"You could write a little note for yourself on your hand," I grabbed her hand, touching her palm, "It'll remind you of what you have to do."

"Did that a lot before, so I'll think about that." She nodded.  _Because we all know the X would be gone by tomorrow. Not even tomorrow—by tonight._

I let go of her and crossed my arms, "And I could go with you when you go to HUE sf? Maybe not every night, but I could keep an eye on you and make sure you don't drink anything."

Rachel nodded and smirked a bit, "I kind of like that. It would be like a mom who can't leave her kid home alone."  _I would be at the bar again and I'm_   _not saying that as a complaint at all. Plus, maybe I could hang out with Dana! I better get the therapy idea in before we lose the subject._

"How about for the first few nights?" Chloe arranged. Her face was scrunched up and I could tell she  _hated_ the idea. I only awkwardly smiled back and shrugged my shoulders.

"It's a start."

"Alright, it's a plan then!" Rachel announced joyfully. "You'll write on your hand every day and you'll go with her once in a while to work."

"U–um, can I add in another idea?"

"Sure, anything that could help." Rachel nodded and rubbed my back, adding, "You don't have to ask, we're still putting in ideas."

"Kate suggested to me to look for therapy, so… it wouldn't be so crazy if you looked too."

Chloe's face changed expression, "You mean talk about my feelings to some person sitting two feet away from me. Isn't that shit hella awkward?"

"Everything feels awkward to me, but it's meant to help you get your emotions out. Just think about it?"

"Yeah, Chloe. It couldn't hurt to try. If you hate it, you can stop it. Please?" Rachel approached her, now rubbing her back.

She groaned, annoyed, but replied, "Okay, whatever."

"What about you then?" I asked her. I more so blurted it out.

Rachel's smile went away and she deeply sighed, "If I do have to go, leave for work and let all the drama die, there's only so much I could do. I'll try my best to video chat, call, text—fuck it—maybe even an email, every day. I want to stay involved."

Chloe and I nodded our heads. In my head, I chuckled at emails. But, I noticed Rachel was changing too. For good like all of us, especially after nearly beating two people up. I really worried for the repercussions of that; that threat was real.

"I feel bad for being so anxious right now. Just waiting for my manager to call is killing me."

"Don't, it's okay to feel that way,"  _I would know_ , "You guys should sleep some. Or do whatever, I'll put the volume up on the TV again."

Rachel chuckled and messed with my hair, "So thoughtful. I'll try to get some rest. If I miss my manager's calls, I'll just deal with it. Come on, baby."

She held Chloe's wrist and they went into the room, closing the door gently. I was back on the horrible and incredibly uncomfortable couch and watching daytime television on the highest volume.  _Again, I just wanted to be sure!_

I left the living room and into the bathroom, holding my phone and calling Kate. I wouldn't be surprised if Kate didn't respond. I would be sad yet relieved, because even though she didn't answer, she was really sleeping. I listened to the ring about four times before it was picked up, causing my heart to skip a beat.

"Hello?" She sounded drowsy.

"I didn't think you would answer," I said truthfully, "I was just thinking about you and wanted to try and call."

"Oh, I did say I was sleeping, huh?" She chuckled. "Nope, I was reading and… thinking, I guess."

"Is that so? What were you thinking about?"

I heard her sigh. There was a moment of faint music from her side and someone talking on my TV. I leaned on the sink, facing towards the closed bedroom door, tapping my finger on the back of my phone. I contemplated saying anything first until Kate spoke up again.

"I don't want to talk about it. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Kate. It's okay." I felt my chest tighten and my breath getting stuck in my throat. I pushed the sudden feeling of rejection away, clearing my throat.  _Was it about what happened? This feels so… awful._

"So, what're you reading?" I asked instead.

"Just a little something my friend wrote. Ledah wanted me to check something out."

"Oh, uh, cool."  _This is… not going well. I shouldn't have bothered her. I bet I annoyed her._

"Um, do you mind if I go?" She sounded more tired and like her voice strained, "I have to finish reading and then I'm going to sleep."

_Oh shit._ "No, not at all! Don't be afraid to text me later if you can't sleep, okay?"

"Of course. Bye."

She hung up right away. I deeply and slowly sighed as I put my phone back in my pocket. I left the bathroom and lied down on the couch, elevating my feet on the armrest.  _Did I do something? I want to ask again; I'm so fucking nosy! But… since we left, she hasn't been the same. Was she upset that it happened? Does she know that I saw something?_

Even though I was too afraid to turn the volume down, I still did it. I couldn't focus. I half-expected to hear something coming from the room—pun intended ( _I can't believe I made that joke)_ —but it was complete silence.

_Maybe she's actually mad. She did yell when she was mad before. Her feelings of anger and sadness mixed. But I don't want her to be mad at me or herself. I would cry if I knew she was crying at the moment._

Shit, I had no clue. I sat up and took another chance, pushing my ear against the bedroom door, hearing if they were doing anything. Focusing a little harder, I still heard silence. I was too afraid to check, so I knocked three times.

"Yes?" Rachel replied. She sounded normal.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, door's unlocked."

I opened and they were telling the truth about trying to get some sleep. Chloe was still asleep, but Rachel was only cuddling up to her and wide awake.

"Hey, you okay?" She asked me. She got out from under Chloe's arm and sat closer to me, leaning on her arms.

I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck, "Just overthinking, I guess."

"Is it about Kate? Chloe told me a little bit about what happened."

I sat on the end of the bed, "Yep. She's clearly been in a bad mood, but she's not talking about it or even wanting to acknowledge it. How much did Chloe say?"

"Just that you two were going to kiss. I'm still sorry for the  _great_  timing we had."

I nodded, "No worries. She asked me if I saw something and I said no, but… I think I did see something."

"Oh?" She raised her eyebrows, "See what?"

"I dunno, I… I saw two lines on her arms. I dunno what they were, other than she might be hurting herself."

"Oh, my god. I never thought she would do something like that. I hate to leave her alone right now. I don't want to imagine it."

"I can't imagine how she's feeling. She wore shirts before, so they happened recently. I dunno what to do."

"She's thinking a lot. I see the way she looks at you and when she looks down or out in space. She has lots on her mind, but she won't let them come out. The way her body seems to keep to herself and tries to give everyone else room, the way she raised her hand to her mouth when she looked out the window in the car, the way she smiles now—she wants to scream out all her frustration." Rachel sighed, combing her fingers through her hair. "I mean, I wouldn't know what that feels like."

"I've never thought about that either." I looked away, staring blankly at the ground. Rachel turned to Chloe, who was still fast asleep.

"Let's go outside. I don't want to disturb her."

We left together to the living room, sitting on the couch, and simultaneously sighing.

"Why were you awake still, anyway?" I asked.

"I just wanted to be with her. We love being hella crazy and wild, but Max, when you love someone, those times when you two are just quiet and calm, those times feel like they're endless."

I nodded. They made me feel so envious.  _The whole world is envious of them. They had to be._

"You ever think about marrying her?" I turned to her, resting my arm on the couch. I asked with a smile and she smirked back at me.

"When I'm away, I do." She fixed her sleeves as she turned towards me, "I don't know if Chloe ever does. The more I'm with her, the more likely marriage becomes. I used to think that it wasn't as worth it as it was made out to be. But, marrying her?" She sighed dreamily.

"You should ask her. Not to marry you, but what she thinks, while you're still here."

"God, Max, that's hella weird!" She lightly pushes me, "She's twenty-one and I'm twenty, barely turning twenty-one in a couple months! Even mentioning it would be a bad idea."

"Psh, please, Chloe talks about me being in love with her all the time. Same difference."

She chuckled, "Don't remind me. Why am I fighting for my girlfriend's love with her and  _my own_ best friend?"

"You're not… I have the drunk-Chloe memories to prove it."

She huffed, resting her head on the couch, "Yeah… I've seen her cry before, a lot, but that was different. I never want to see that again."

"She was?"  _Just act like you weren't there._

"She couldn't stop the whole night. She was hurting herself, which hurts me. She blames it on herself, just like before? Remember?"

"Yeah."  _From her dad dying to me leaving, she hasn't gotten over it yet. I don't think she ever will._

She cleared her throat, tucking her hair behind her ear, "Anyway, tell me more about Kate."  _She's feeling guilt and anger too. I wonder if at her or herself._

I lifted my feet up off the ground and were on the couch, hugging my knees, "I dunno what to say. Everything else is personal and things she never told anyone else."

"I'm sure there's something you could tell me. I won't tell anyone."

I sighed.  _Not the virginity story, obviously. A lot of things Kate told me were things she doesn't get to talk about. I could say one thing._

"She self-diagnosed, but she has had depression for years now. She never sleeps enough and always look to people to help, but self-harm? That could be from anything."

"I hope she'll be okay. Has she talked about self-harm or suicidal thoughts before?"

"We didn't get into that. I'm not confident enough right now to ask something like that. And it's not something we ever talk about. We never talk about something to just throw it in."

"Thighs are another common place, so just ask or, you know, maybe you'll see them for yourself one day."

That made me nervous.  _She's so kind and thoughtful; Never in my wildest dreams did I think of something like this. I hope she doesn't think she's alone in all of this._

She scoffed, "Thanks Max, now I can't stop thinking about marrying that bitch."

I snorted, "Don't talk about your wife like that."

She punched my arm, but she was still smirking at me. "Then, are you guys sure nothing happened when you guys went out late?"

"I swear, Rache, nothing happened. We did that photoshoot and played in the water, but that's it."  _Minus seeing her almost completely naked._

She nodded, "I trust you guys, I promise. Just that whole shit at Long Beach was hella bad and I'm sorry if that somehow ruined the nice vacation we were supposed to have."

"It's okay!" I waved my hand at her. "I understand that the way we act with each other is… worrying, but we'll promise to stop. It's just how we tease! Well, Chloe should be the one promising, she's the one that starts it."

"What do I start?" Chloe suddenly walked in. Rachel turned around to look at her.

"Flirting with Max," Rachel deadpanned, "You don't really mean it, right?"

"Yeah, I'm just messing with her," She sat down in between us, "Why? Do you think I  _like her_ like her?"

"I'm just tired of people being all over you." She started fix Chloe's hair, "Five years and I'm still feeling jealousy."

Chloe hummed, "Last time I checked, you were the only one all over me. Those people can talk to me all they want, but I'm still yours."

Rachel smiled slightly, looking thoroughly skeptical.

"What will it take to convince you?"

Rachel then smiled and giggled. The way she was looking at her was the real "lovey-dovey" gaze.

I interrupted, "Are you guys gonna go outside and make out under a streetlight? Because there's one right in front of our building."

They both scoffed at me; Chloe elbowed my side. "Okay, but I should have asked how you felt about me playing around with Max. It'll stop right now. We'll even stop sharing the bed."

"You don't have to do that! You should at least switch for a month, though. This couch is hella shitty."

"Please," I wanted to beg, "My back is still hurting from falling."

"You fell?" Rachel leaned to the side to look at me, "When?"

"Long story, but it involves Kate and cereal."

Chloe turned to me, with a confused look on her face, "That literally tells me nothing."

I shrugged my shoulders, "It's the truth!"

* * *

After that conversation, we all decided to order some food to our apartment. Rachel was in the bathroom showering while Chloe and I were still on the couch, finally talking about my tattoo plans again.

"I hella want another tattoo again." Chloe showed me the X that was still drawn on her hand.

"I thought you said one sleeve."

"I know, but tattoos are awesome! I still need one for Rachel."

"Interesting…" I squinted. "Why?"

"Because I love her? Why're you looking at me like that?"

_That's a huge commitment. Almost as huge as marriage._ I snickered, "Nothing, nothing. But, for me, maybe I shouldn't start so huge? It sounded pretty cool at first, but now I'm nervous and I want to back out."

"Hey, they're not going to do everything at once. You could do multiple sessions. Do the outline of it, at least."

A random thought came to me, "You have a matching one with Rachel?"

"I think those are cursed. That's like a thing people warn about."

"I'm not saying to get her name or anything, but you mentioned her first!"

She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, "It's… a possibility. I guess I said it without thinking of that. I don't wanna ask her, so—"

"Is it super meaningful?"

She rolled her eyes, "Okay, it's a bad idea. Never mind, I'll think of something else."

I rolled my eyes back at her.  _Nice to know that they're thinking of the same things. Five years is such a long time._

Rachel came back into the room, still drying her hair and was on her phone.

"Shit, I'm everywhere…" She groaned.

Chloe and I stood up and gathered around her, and saw many stories and headlines of Rachel confronting the two strangers, saying she's "gone berserk" and "insane."

"Yeesh," Chloe grabbed her phone, "They work hella fast."

"No kidding," she replied and under her breath, "Media can fucking blow me."

There was a knock on the door; our food was here.

* * *

I was sure we bought nearly every item available from the Chinese restaurant near our apartment, because our dining table was completely covered and we had to eat on the coffee table. We all sat on the floor with our plates.

"Whoa, Max, slow down!" Chloe stopped my hand from raising to my mouth again. I hadn't noticed that I was already on the second plate.

"Let her eat, I don't want her to go back to her coffee diet."

I put my plate down, "Sorry, I was really hungry. Why  _did_ we order this much?"

"I'm stressed, Max." Rachel shoveled more rice into her mouth.

"You don't say."

Rachel and I were waiting for our phones, for her manager and Kate, to go off for calls or texts. Chloe left to sleep more, leaving us to watch our phones on the table.

"I don't think Kate's gonna call." I leaned over and rested my arms on my lap.

"I wouldn't be surprised. You should give her some space. If she wants to text you, she will." She patted me on the back.

"Are we just gonna wake up Chloe if you have to go?"

"Well yeah!" She scoffed, like saying "duh!"

I turned my phone over and sat back again, crossing my legs and arms, and sighed again. Rachel sat back too.

"I really don't want to leave you guys…"

"We don't want you to leave either. But, you have work and shit to deal with. We'll be okay."

She rested her head on my shoulder, "I don't know how long it'll be this time."

"We'll still be here! Chloe lasted for nearly a year, she could wait longer."

Before Rachel could respond, her phone started to vibrate loudly on the table. She hesitated to get it at first, but eventually grabbed it and answered it. I saw for a brief second that it said "Manager."

"Hello?" She walked off into the bathroom, "Yes, I know,  _I know_ , you taught me better than this. Don't put this on Chloe, she wasn't doing anything."

I stayed seated.

"Yes, I understand. Of course, I … Right now? You're sending someone? New York again?"

"C-could it wait until maybe tomorrow? Please, I—" She paused for a moment, "Yes, I'll get my things ready and I'll send the address." She hung up and she leaned on the door frame. We exchanged glances before she said something, "Guess I have to wake her up."

I silently nodded. I followed Rachel to the room and stayed at the door as she woke Chloe up. Chloe mumbled something at first as Rachel shook her around. She suddenly grabbed Rachel, pulling her into bed and cuddling into her.

"Chloe, babe, I have to go." Rachel repeated over and over.

"Go where?"

"Manager called, I have to leave.  _Today._ "

She was quiet and wasn't letting her go. It took a while before she finally let go of her and said, "Right now?"

Rachel nodded.

Without a fight, Rachel dressed out of her pajamas, fixed her bags, and we waited outside with her. Chloe and Rachel haven't let go of each other yet, staying in an embrace and giving each other kisses, while I stood on the side. She couldn't disagree or stop it; she knew this was it. We eventually saw a black car roll up to us, making them separate.

"Rachel Amber?" The nicely-dressed driver got out of the car.

"Yes, sir?" She replied.

"I was called in to pick you up."

"Yes, just give me another minute." She turned back to Chloe for one last hug and kiss. It was longer than a minute, wanting to imprint on each other and never forget how they felt.

"Take care of yourself, okay? Remember what we promised." She reminded, holding her face in her hands.

"I will," Chloe nodded, "Don't lose your mind while you're over there."

"I won't. I'll try to text or call every day, but call me first if you need anything at all. I can't call you in the car because my manager wants to talk, for sure. Wherever I stop or land, I'm calling you first. Max—" She pulled me into a hug, "Good luck on Kate and watch after Chloe, okay?"

"Thanks, and I will. Good luck on this whole dilemma. I hope it washes over soon."

"Me too." She lets go of me and opens the car door, "I love you guys."

"Love you too."

"Come back soon."

Chloe stood next to me and we both watched Rachel get in and the car drive away. Chloe released a quivering sigh and hooked her arm around my shoulders as we walked back inside.

"Well Pac-Max, it's just us again. You want the bed this time?"

"It'll be good for my back."

"It's all yours. I'm not gonna fit on that fucking couch."

Everything seemed so empty with one less person. I took over the bed and left Chloe outside in the living room. It almost felt wrong being in there again, like I didn't belong. I was too afraid to check my phone again, but midnight just struck.

Nothing.

* * *

_April 25, 2015 12:01 AM_

_Rachel left today. The whole situation hasn't fully caught up with me yet, but it was the saddest thing I've experienced so far. It's really quiet. I have the room now. It's nice, but just like Chloe, I knew it would be better if Rachel was here. Now I'm the one saying "I wish Rachel was here." The whole trip to Long Beach was so messed up. All of us just wanted to be happy. But, we weren't. None of us were._


	33. Chapter 33

" _I am deeply sorry for what I have done earlier this week. What I have done was extremely out of line and disrespectful. From the bottom of my heart, I deeply regret what I did and hope the two individuals who were involved are okay and wish to help make things better. I do not expect everyone to forgive me for my actions; I know that I've let some of my fans down and I do not blame you if it takes time or I will never be forgiven. For right now, I will be focusing on myself and my actions. Thank you, RA."_

"It doesn't even sound like Rachel wrote it." I stared at the Twitter thread on Rachel's profile on my phone.  _It sounded robotic, even in my head._

"It was probably some intern or social media person her manager has." Chloe rested her head on her hand as she leaned forward on the table we were using.

We sat in Starbucks and she was on her break. On this Monday, I didn't have class and she brought me in as she worked to get used to me being around. She decided to work tonight to "occupy her mind," as she kind of worded it. Everyone was in class or work, so it was pretty empty.

"Rachel's really good at stretching the truth." Chloe recalled. "Too good, actually."

"It comes with being a drama kid." I placed my phone down and turned my head around to crack my neck.  _Rachel could become an actress too. She really is too good at it._

"True. She keeps texting me at three AM to let me know that she loves me. It's pretty funny, but she's staying true to what she said. It's just us saying I love you back and forth."

"At least." I nodded and crossed my legs. I haven't heard from Kate for the past few days. I was worried, it made it hard to breathe sometimes, but I had to give her space. Still, I wanted to know how she was feeling or if she was okay.

"I leaned over and whispered, "You're still gonna work here?"

"For now," she replied, "Just like a week and then I'll quit. Then I'll have to take you with me to the club; I already told Dana. How's your schedule, by the way?"

"One on Tuesday again and one on Thursday," I recalled, "I have Advanced Lighting and Magic/Ritual."

She snorted, "Why magic?"

"It was all that was available!"

"Okay, whatever, you nerd. Aka, Kate's in neither one of those, because why would she take magic."

"She did great at tricking Victoria."

"That doesn't mean she'll use FAFSA money to take a class on it. Speaking of Kate, has she spoken to you?"

I shook my head, "No. I'm trying not to freak out about it."

"You're pretty shit at it." I let silence fall until she said, "Sorry, I mean, it's good you're doing that?"

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose, "If she wants to talk to me again, she will. I would be clingy if I even tried."

* * *

I sat alone next to a power outlet for my phone and laptop, looking through Amazon for cameras and film, and listening to music as much as possible, but time felt slower and lonelier. To make this day a little worse, the magazine decided to finally debut and were on stands, which was way worse timing than Rachel and Chloe coming home. I have seen the videos that came out and they were intense as hell. This controversy burned out brightly and quickly, as the tweets came out the day after she left. I hope everyone assumes that she was doing those things out of love, but at the same time, I hope she'll address it and say it anyway.

On top of that, I was sticking to my word and looking up places to find a therapist for both me and Chloe. I hadn't had to look for one in a while, but I knew there was some phone call interview or something like that.  _This is for the best. We have to do this!_

I shut my laptop off as I saw Chloe starting to clean up and putting the chairs on the tables. From how quiet it was, Chloe was the only worker. I yawned as I put my stuff back in my bag.

"I feel hella shitty right now." Chloe groaned as she wiped a table down.

"It was a pretty busy day today."

"It's not even that. Seeing my coworkers trying to hand me drinks back there was hella surreal. They were so used to it that they tried to just shove them in my hands."

"Do you remember why they even gave them to you?"

"I have no clue. I don't give a fuck, I don't wanna know, I fucking hate this."

"You still have the X on your hand, at least."

"It won't come off." She shook her head and chuckled. "It's faded, but it's really stuck on there."

"It's been like three days!"

"And I wash my hands every-fucking-hour, it's still here!" She lifted her fist up and, yup, still there. We shared a laugh and simultaneously sighed.

"Okay, let me just finish doing this cleaning shit and we'll head out."

* * *

We went to HUE sf at around ten o'clock and it was just as empty of Starbucks during Chloe's break. It was more chilled out than the other nights I've been here. The blue lights seemed to match more and the music wasn't as blaring.  _I actually feel like I fit into this scene. I don't feel all that scared!_ When we saw Dana, she was just leaving the bar.

"Chloe, you're back!" Dana cheered as she noticed us. "And Max, you're here again!" She pulled me into a tight hug, "Chloe told me all about bringing you here."

"Yup, I'm gonna be here all night."

"That's great!" She had a firm hold on my arms. Her head turned to Chloe next to me, who was watching the moving lights. "Chloe, the owner is going to be here later tonight, so be prepared for that."

"Shit…"

"Yeah, but… you'll be fine! Just don't call him an asshat again."

I laughed at the comment, stopping when Chloe glared. To keep me on Chloe-watch, I sat at the same barstool at the very end of the bar and Dana took the one next to me. Chloe was behind the bar and dancing a little, probably to stop herself from grabbing a glass.

"I think it's pretty amazing that you and Chloe are still friends." Dana started the conversation.

"She's my partner-in-time! We sorta complete each other." I folded my arms and rested them on the table.

"It shows. And it's very cool that Chloe and Rachel are still together too! I never got to say how awesome that is!"

"They're basically my parents. Between you and me, they're both thinking about marriage, but they don't know that they're  _both_ thinking about it. Know what I mean?"

"Shut the fuck up, that's amazing! I can't even think about stuff like that right now. I'm just a bartender and my boyfriend is a tattoo artist. We're just settling in."

"Did he do the one on your arm?"

"Yeah!" She held her right arm out. Looking closer, it was a large design of the comedy and tragedy masks. "That's how we met."

"Wowser, like he asked you out while he was doing it?"

"Not during, but after. He was awkward about it, but that made him way better."

"That's hella cool."

"You got into saying that too, huh?"

"Again, Rachel and Chloe are my moms."

"True," she laughed, leaning on the table, and crossing her legs, "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"We're talking about them and me and our relationships, but what about you?! Are you still with Warren?"

I shook my head, "No, he's just a friend now. He has a boyfriend, actually!"

"Shut up that's cute. Then, have you met anyone? Cute boy, cute girl?"

I couldn't help but let out a shy giggle, "I dunno right now. I met this  _amazing_ girl, but… I dunno what we are. We're stuck in between, I guess."

"What's going on?"

"I can't really explain it. It's kinda confusing."

She hummed and said with a smirk, "Try me."

I took a deep breath. I couldn't explain much to her; I felt like every word I said was too much. It was like it came out in one breath. She nodded her head periodically to let me know she was still listening. In my monologue, I looked at Chloe occasionally and she was doing fine (though there were a few times she was pulling a drink to her face) and made a few drinks for people. "So yeah, that was my week."

"God, you must be so confused." She rubbed her hand on my back.  _I can't think of a word better than confused. I wish I could; it doesn't fully describe how I feel._

"A little bit."

"We could totally talk about something else, if you want."

I perked up again, "Well, you! You and your life and how you even got here."

"If you have to know," she exaggerated, flipping her hair, "I moved here in February. I met my boyfriend about a year ago and we were living together for a bit in Oregon and then he was like "I always wanted to live in San Francisco." So, we're here now." She shrugged her shoulders.

"How simple."

"We're both simple people. I went through enough in Blackwell, the whole clique thing and… pregnancy thing. Then Oregon was just crappy and I lost all my friends, so I've been laying low!"

"Whoa, no Juliet, no Hayden, no Taylor…?"

"Nope, we all sort of drifted off. I don't mind though." She was still smiling after saying that. "I do miss Juliet. I would love to be with her again."

_I expected that. I wish I could help her with that._ It was nice to know that she was still herself, carefree and hella nice, and hasn't really changed a bit. I felt pretty comfortable around her, even after not connecting for a year. I scoffed, "Blackwell, what a crazy ass place."

"You said it, Max. I hope we get to hang out more now that you'll be coming here."

"Of course! Do you have a new number?"

After exchanging our numbers, our conversation went on and on like my school and how we felt about living in San Francisco. It felt great to connect to someone again that wasn't Chloe, Rachel, or even Kate. She admitted that she hasn't spoken to a lot of people either and so our relationship became a lot closer in one sitting.

"I haven't spoken to her in a few days. I want to give her space, but it's hard."

"I bet. I'm sure she has her reasons." Dana sat closer, but I was okay with her being in my bubble.

"I know that, but!" I was ready to reason with myself, trying to make myself feel hopeful, "I dunno, there's no but here."

"She'll come back to you when she's ready, okay?"

"I hope so—"

"Are you ready yet or what?" Chloe sneaked up on us, scaring both of us, "Because the manager likes me now and I don't want him to hate my ass again."

"Oh shit," Dana took her phone, the screen shining onto her face, "It's three already? We should do this every night!"

"I would like that a lot."

Chloe groaned, running her hand down her face, "I'm hella tired."

"Sleep off the rest of the night," Dana insisted, "I'll clean up."

Without missing a beat, "See ya, Ward."

"See you tomorrow night, Dana."

* * *

I nearly fell asleep during the car ride home. We were so dead tired that we didn't speak to each other during the whole travel. When we got home, we took turns using the bathroom, she took the couch and I took the bed, and as soon as I plopped down in bed, my phone decided to ring again. I turned off the light in my room and went back to bed, listening to the vibration on the table. I ignored it at first, but when it stopped and rang again, I had to grab.

_It could just be Dana wondering if we got home safely._

I rubbed my eye and looked at my screen, Kate. I was shaken at first to see Kate's name and her smiling face on my phone; I rubbed my eyes again to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

_Stay calm, you're as cool as an iceberg._

I answered it, not saying a word.

"Hello?" She said after a minute.

"Hi, um," I kind of gasped and bit my lip, "How are you?"

"I didn't mean to bother you so late—"

"It's fine! It's okay. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, I guess. I went to see a therapist and my doctor yesterday."

"That's good."

"And, I wanted to apologize for not even texting you one thing. So many of my friends have been blowing up my phone and I hung out with them." There was still sorrow in her voice, but I still wanted to give her some space on that subject. I pushed the questions away, as much as I didn't want to.

"No, it's fine, Kate, really. I've been busy too."  _Busy in our words being staying in a coffee shop and a club for hours._  "I'm glad that you've been with your friends and seek help. Which reminds me, I have to do that."

"That would be good." She chuckled lightly. "Do you have class tomorrow?"

"Yeah, in the evening."

"Me too! Meet up at the curb before class?"

"Five o'clock?"

"Yes."

"Alright… okay! Um, goodnight, Kate, see you tomorrow at five."

"Goodnight Max. Sleep well."

She hung up, prompting me to slam my face into my pillow and scream into it.


	34. Chapter 34

"Yeah, love you too." I heard Chloe from the bedroom.

I sat in the living room, laptop on my lap, watching a movie, and holding a mug of coffee in my hand. The movie wasn't too interesting and I was more focused on drinking coffee than what was going on. My class wasn't until the evening, for the "nerd class" Chloe kept poking fun at me for, but I felt I was going to have some fun with it. Just a while ago, we were both making calls for therapy (I was going to forget if I didn't do it), setting appointments up for tomorrow.

She came back into the room, yawning and cracking her neck, falling onto the couch with a thud—regrettable choice, might I add. Her face scrunched up in pain; I even heard her land on the metal bar under us.

"Fucking shit…" She hissed through her teeth.

"Nice one," I held back a laugh, handing her my cup of coffee, "Not morphine, but I can't offer you much."

"Thank you." She rasped, grabbing the cup, and taking a mouthful. She was feeling more symptoms of withdrawal, like a shitty headache and being more irritated than usual.

"What did you and Rachel talk about?" I changed the subject, moving my laptop to the coffee table.

"Just, normal shit? Her day, my day, her drama,  _my_ drama. What's mine is hers and all that shit."

I only smiled, side-eyeing her, and feeling a giggle coming up.  _She can't just say that so casually. Sounds like someone who wants to get married would say._

"We're not getting marriage fever, Maxercise." She pushed me, hard enough to tip me over and nearly fall.

"You two don't mind being my moms."

She scoffed and shook her head. "Don't make me strangle you."

I only chuckled and turned my attention to my head—the length of it, really. It was touching my shoulders now, but at least my bangs were consistently straight across my forehead. Chloe's colors were fading into pale blues and pinks. We really needed to fix ourselves up again.

"Excited for school again?" Chloe asked.

"Nope," I shook my head, "At this rate, I'll finish in three years."

"Hella shitty, but then, you'll be Max Caulfield, famous photographer and can also draw really good, but can also do magic tricks."

"You're such an asshole." I decided to push her back. She chuckled and drank more coffee.

"If Rachel catches you back on your coffee fix, she's gonna lose her shit."

"I can't help it! Coffee is so good and I've never been so awake."

"Call her and say that. I'm sure she'll love it."

"No, thanks." I stood from the couch. "How about you? Ready for therapy tomorrow?"

She scoffed, "Never will be, but do I have a damn choice? That phone call was shitty enough."

_I can't complain. I went through the same phone call three times before, so I was just repeating what I said. Hearing Chloe use her "customer service" voice with the caller was slightly hilarious, though._

I left to the bathroom, shrugging my shoulders to Chloe's response.

_I'm meeting Kate again. Like, actually speaking to her. I better clean up nice and maybe it was for the best that my hair grew out; new quarter, new me. Or, something like that. Rachel would know what to do, probably something illegal or very gay or even both, and she would help me right now. I looked down at myself; I looked like garbage. Everyone did in their pajamas, but I was the whole dumpster._

I got dressed and put my hair up in a really tiny bun—one Kate would definitely appreciate. I left the bathroom and felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it, noticing that it was just Kate reminding me to meet up at five at the curb. I smiled; felt nice to see her name and face on my screen again.

"What are you so smiley over there?"

I looked up and Chloe was smirking at me. I felt a little embarrassed by it. I put my phone away and sat next to her again, "It was just Kate reminding me to meet her at five."

"You're hella happy about that."

"Is that bad?"

She breathed in, ready for a snarky response, only to say, "No, I'm happy for you. I've been hella upset about her not talking to you too."

"Don't be. We're gonna see her! I won't ask her anything about that day! I just want it to be the same way we were before we went on the trip!"

"And if she asks first?"

I gulped.  _She's right. What would I do in a situation like that? I might panic and completely ignore it._

"I don't think so. She was the one who said to not talk about it. Why would she do that?"

"Right, but… you never know."

* * *

So, I waited. I sat in the same spot in the Starbucks, drinking more coffee, and waiting for time to pass five o' clock. I felt the same nervousness as I did when I first started talking to Kate, and the second time around felt even worse.  _I could barely breathe and it was a lot quicker than the first time._ I stayed calm, took deep breaths, and tried to be positive. My legs were shaking, but the feeling was slowly changing to excitement. I considered asking Dana for help, but she was most likely sleeping (having a job at night seemed so good, yet so bad). I made sure to get cake pops from Chloe, just a form of "sorry, things are kinda awkward, maybe?"

I watched the time on my phone, slowly changing until it was about four-fifty-eight. I stood up from my seat, "Chloe, I'm gonna go, alright?"

"Alright, see you after class."

I took a walk to the school curb and I saw Kate was already sitting on it, hair down and using her sketchbook. My heart dropped seeing the same cardigan on her, knowing she was hiding something. I really wanted to scare her again, but I wasn't sure if it was too harsh or not. I was close and she hasn't noticed me yet, so I went around her and snuck up again.

I grabbed her shoulders, "Boo!"  _I kinda regret doing that. So stupid, Max, now she's gonna hate you forever! Oh dog, I'm overthinking._

She squeaked, dropping her pencil. She turned to look at me, eyebrows furrowed and lightly slapping my arm, "Max, stop it!"

She was still smiling at me. It still felt the same, I think, and I sat next to her, handing her pencil back. She took it and placed it in the fold of her book. It stayed pretty quiet and we were just smiling at each other. It felt almost the same.

"Hi." I greeted first.

"Evening, Max."

"Uh, these are for you." I handed the box of the cake pops to her.

"Oh, thank you." She grabbed it, opening it and taking one. "Excited for class?"

"Not really. School is not fun, Kate. Chloe has been making fun of me for taking Magic/Ritual."

"It sounds like a fun class. I might take it eventually."

"How's your schedule?"

"I have Storyboarding today. I heard it was a tough class, so don't be surprised if I become very stressed this quarter."

"That's fine. That's just the college life."  _I hope she bothers me more. I would hate for her to feel stressed more than usual._

She chuckled and nodded, "Exactly."

I cleared my throat, "So, uh, how was hanging out with friends?"

"It was nice! Ledah just kept texting how valid I was and her letter also consisted of how valid I was and am. It's funny; she tells everyone that. Which reminds me, my friends hold a little gettogether every first quarter. If you're comfortable, that is."

"Tonight?" I felt a pain in my chest.  _Maybe Chloe will be okay? Shit, I dunno what to do!_

She nodded again, "Yes, but only if you want to. We just sit around and drink soda and talk about what will happen next. Most of them are working on the short film, so talking to them would be interesting, right?"

"They'll make fun of me too, huh?"

"Maybe, but only three of them."

"Great…" I rubbed the back of my neck. "That's just what I need."

"You don't have to go if you don't want to." She placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Chloe and I have been… not good, so I would have to ask her if it's okay to go. We sorta made a promise between the three of us to get the help we need."

"That's very admirable." She smiled warmly, gripping onto her sweater, "I wouldn't want to get in the way of that."

"But, if I end up going… I have one condition."

Kate took her hand off, leaning on her book, "And what may that be?"

"Please don't leave my side." I grabbed her wrist. "I don't do well in parties and… and—"

"Of course." She smiled. There I was again, melting into a gay pile of goo from her smile and the way she looked at me. Those hazel eyes will be the death of me. I blinked and smiled back, "Yeah…"

"Is that an answer to my question or…?"

"I'm agreeing with you agreeing."

She giggled. "You're so funny, Max." She checked her watch. "We better head to class."

I stood up first, waiting for Kate to stand up.

"Is it a special kinda day?" I asked her.

She tucked her hair behind her ear, "What do you mean?"

"Your hair's down, so I figured something is happening today? Or am I overthinking it?"

Her cheeks became a light pink, I almost missed it, "No, I was just lazy today."

I nodded my head. She started walk into the building and I followed her.  _Crap, I don't wanna separate already! Think of something!_

"Um, where's your class, Kate?" I changed it again as she went into the elevator. Mine was on the second floor. "I—I wanna walk you."

"Fifth floor." She replied. We were already on the second floor, but I didn't want to go. I took short steps back. "You don't have to do that, Max. I would hate for you to be late."

I gave in, walking onto the floor.

"Text me if you're coming along, okay? It's at midnight, so tell me soon."

"Yeah." I nodded my head and waved my hand as the elevator door's closed. "Will do." I saw that she was waving back.

_Okay, Max, stay calm. It's a new class, but you'll be fine. There's just ten weeks left._

It was a smaller classroom, three rows of desks, but not a lot of walking space or any kind of movement. I sat in the back, next to a one guy and one girl. The guy was kinda nerdy and geeky and the girl gave off a chill vibe. I wanted to compliment her white beanie or her shirt, but being awkward stopped that.

I took a notebook out and started to doodle on a blank page.

"This classroom is really small." The girl spoke in a low voice. The room was small and there weren't a lot of students taking up the seats. Any noise in this room would be too much noise.

"Do people not want to learn about magic?" The guy asked her.

"Guess not, but could be good."

The teacher stood up suddenly, "Alright class, it is now six, class is now in session! You're already doing the bare fucking minimum of being here, so you don't get a slap on the back just yet!"

I gulped. I felt quickly nervous and anxious, balling my hands into fists under the table.

"So, icebreakers! Those are fucking great, right?! Name, major, and a fun fact about you! There isn't a lot of you in here, so we could do some talking aloud, yes? Let's start with… you!"

My sucked in air and felt a lump in my throat. The teacher looked towards me with a patient smile.

_Hi, my name is Max… Hi, I'm Max… Um, my name is Max…_

"Do I have to stand up?" I asked first.

"If you would like to."

I did so, but maybe I shouldn't have. The feeling only worsened. "My name's Max, uh… photography major and… fun fact? Uh…"

"Hey, I recognize you actually!" The teacher saved me, kind of. "You did the cover for Vanity Fair!"

"Yeah, I guess that's a fun fact about me."

"Incredible work! You're fucking talented, kid."

I released a stifled chuckle, "Thank you." I sat down. I didn't really hear everyone else; I was still stuck on introducing myself in front of this class of fifteen. Turns out, introductions took longer than the teacher thought and we were already on our ten-minute break.

"Oh, my god, you're Max." The girl turned to me. "You're friends with Rachel Amber."

"Pretty much, best friends for a while now."

"I love how you take pictures. They look so cool."

"Thank you. I like your beanie and your shirt."  _Thank dog, I had to get that out!_

"Thanks! I'm Steph. You probably knew that from the icebreaker. This is my friend, Mikey." She waved her hand to the boy next to her.

"Hi." He waved at me. I waved back.

"I've been a fan of Rachel for a long time." Steph said, almost in an embarrassed tone. "I love the way she… walks."

Mikey interrupted, leaning over so I could see him, "Steph had a major crush on her before she came out about Chloe."

"Hey, I'm fully supportive of them! They're great together and I'm convinced that Rachel's crazy outrage was just to protect her girlfriend."

"You're completely right, actually."  _At least she knew._

"Do you think I could ever talk to her? If Chloe's super possessive, I'll back off."

I hummed. Last time Rachel met someone who was her fan, it was Victoria and she was all over her too.

"Maybe if we hang out a little more. I'll be sure to tell Rachel I met a fan today."

Steph lit up, "I wanted to be friends with you anyway."

"I'm sorry, but I blacked out while everyone had their turn. What did you guys say during the icebreaker thing?"

"Oh, Steph Gingrich. Film major. Said I loved films and used to sell them in high school. Fifth quarter."

"Mikey North. Game design major. I enjoy tabletop games. Dungeons and Dragons and whatnot. Also, fifth quarter."

"Max Caulfield. Or as Chloe would call me: Maxercise, Pac-Max, Maxaplex, Maxtropolis, Maxtually—"

"She's really good at nicknames." Steph chuckled amusedly.

"You have  _no_  idea."

Classmates started to come back into the room and the teacher stood up again, "Okay, break is over! Time for the first lesson of the evening!"

* * *

Class was drawn out and slightly boring, as crazy as the teacher was, but they were more serious in real lessons. It was so boring that Steph and I started playing tic-tac-toe and I was losing twenty to zero. Eventually, we went onto Hangman and created our own connect-the-dots. Somehow, she was still winning.

"Okay class, please read chapter one and write a full page of what it was about! That's the easiest assignment you'll ever get! Now get out of my face! Unless you have a question, of course."

I groaned. "Guess I won't be doing that until Friday."

"Everyone does it." Steph slung her backpack on one arm. "Hey, where do you usually go after class?"

"I go to Starbucks. Chloe is just there, you know."

"Oh really? Mikey and I never go because of the gaming club."

"That's cool. I have to talk to Chloe, though. My… other friend asked if I wanted to come along to a party."

She looked at me, up and down, "Do you like this "other friend?'"

I licked my lips and chuckled, "I need to stop being so obvious."

"It'll help in the long run. Saw the gay panic in your eyes."

"Thanks, Steph." I walked to the exit. "See you guys next week, Steph and Mikey."

"Bye, Max."

I walked to the elevator, waiting a few trips as the elevator was full of students. I waited until there was no one and got on. I went straight to Starbucks and saw Chloe sitting outside of the shop. Right. Class was six to ten, so it was dark and Starbucks is closed now.

"Hey Max." She stood up from the floor. "How was…? Magic class?"

"Surprisingly boring. I met two cool people." We walked together to her car. "Hey, uh, Kate invited me to a little gettogether. I wasn't sure if you wanted me to go because I was supposed to watch you, but—"

"Maybe… Split it in half?"

"Huh?" I tilted my head to the side.

"Maybe go to party then come back? Or, come with me to the club and then the party? I can't break this promise with Rachel."

"I know. I need to talk to Kate about it."

**Me: Hey Kate. Have a problem with the party.**

**Kate: Yes?**

**Me: Chloe wants to split the party and me being with her. Would it be weird for me to stay about halfway and then leave?**

**Kate: Of course, you can leave early, Max. I could leave with you as well if you feel strange about it.**

_Did I read that right? Taking Kate to HUE?_

"Hey Chloe. Kate came up with an idea."


	35. Chapter 35

I was sitting on the curb under the streetlight in front of my school. I pulled my knees to my chest, hugging them, and watching cars drive by me. Chloe and I bought food, talked for an hour, and then I was taken back in front of school. I was getting sweaty and almost felt myself fall asleep, but Kate arrived eventually, dressed out of her cardigan and into a really cute overall-skirt combination… with a sweater.

She shyly waved to me. "Hi Max. You found a compromise in your plan?"

"Yep," I stood up, dusting off my pants, "I might drag you to HUE… or did you just mean walking out with me and then going back in? I'm confused."

"If you feel too rude about leaving, I can leave with you. They won't mind, I promise."

"… Okay. Lead the way, Miss Marsh."

"Gladly, Miss Caulfield." She started to walk in the direction of her apartment, letting me catch up, "How are you feeling?"

"A little on edge, to be honest. I've been working on how to calm down, so I think I'll be fine."

"I already told them to not make fun of you… too much. We had to compromise."

"Great," I mentally prepared myself for whatever was going to happen. "How many people are there?"

"Would you like me to name them all? They all go by nicknames, actually."

"That would be good."

"Ledah, Erin, Blaziken, Scorch, Lover, Mud Monkey, Skada, Stinger, Picture, Anime, Meme... The names get weirder, but they're there. I would say about twenty people. Crazy to know so many people. They're nice, I promise."

"Chloe would get along with them with all the nicknames she gives me. You have one too?"

"Gay Jesus." She said without missing a beat. I pressed my lips to hold back a laugh. "You could laugh at it. It's just a joke; they never really use it."

"Good to know. I won't use it on you." I said through chuckling. When I stopped laughing, the rest of our trip was rather quiet as we took the stairs to the second floor and to an apartment directly above hers and Victoria's. There was a bunch of pair of shoes in front of the door, which was a mess and not next to their matching pairs anymore, with a sign on the door that said, "take your damn shoes off before you come in here" in marker.

"It's Ledah's," Kate told me. "You knock first and then you start taking them off."

"That's a lot of people, Kate." There had to be about twenty people in there and it sounded hectic in there. "Just soda, huh?"

I made sure no one had anything else, but I'm sure Ledah was looking too. Just for my sake, of course." Kate knocked two times.

"I could only imagine." I forcefully laughed. I felt uncomfortable meeting them for the first time, but that was because it was so obvious they were protective of Kate, I felt powerless, kind of. The thought of everyone else nearly made me lightheaded.

The door opened and Ledah stood on the other side, still wearing all-gray like before and was holding a red Solo cup in hand, "My daughter's back! And Max is here, welcome! Did you read the sign?"

Simultaneously, Kate and I took off our shoes and went inside. I felt myself freeze up for a moment and just blink. I shut off almost immediately, seeing how full and loud the living room was, but I cleared my throat, and wiped my hands on my pants.  _Okay, calm down. You'll be fine. They're not even paying attention to you._

"Whoa, you guys do this every quarter?"

"Yep! This one is very special because we're going to talk about the project for the festival. You've already seen more of the film than everyone else."

"Damn, don't I feel special."

Ledah patted my back, "Yup." And they left into an angry circle of people, surrounding a table in the middle of the living room. Around the table were couches, so it was clear the table was moved there to be played on.

"Max!"

I searched around for the voice. Feminine, but it wasn't Kate or Ledah. It sent a shockwave through my body, like when I got called first during the icebreaker. I saw a hand waving from the table and I recognized the white beanie already.

"Steph!" I went up to her, peering at the table covered in Dungeons and Dragons characters and board. "Are you working on the film too?"

"Nope, it's strictly a them thing." Steph waved around a character sheet. "Which makes me kinda mad. I've been a stage manager and post-production for them. Finally, it's gay and they didn't ask me."

"Messed up." I shook my head in disappointment. "Do you think they felt like they were asking for too much?"

"I don't think that's it. Whatever, there's always other projects." Steph took one glance at Kate in the kitchen, talking to someone wearing a hat indoors, wearing all-white, and holding two red cups. "Is Kate your "other friend?'"

"Yeah, she is."

"Had a feeling. I feel like everyone has a tiny crush on her. Not you, though, you're crushing hard."

"Yeah... I am."  _Learn to be less obvious, Max._  "Is this the gaming club you were talking about?"

Steph chuckled, "No. I just didn't think mentioning this party would be important. However, this doesn't look too different from a gaming club meeting."

"Good to know."

"Ever played?"

"Oh, no, Chloe doesn't admit it, but she's into playing these things."

_I played these things too, but in front of all these people? Dog, I'm dying just standing around._

Another voice, which I figured out was Erin's, interrupted, "Punch him in the dick!"

"Just..." Steph was hesitant. "Right in the dick?"

"Right. In. The. DICK!"

I chuckled as I stared at the board, a wizard and a rogue stood with a large bull character. Erin and Mikey were playing together as everyone else watched.

"Want to get in on the action?" Steph asked me.

"No, I think I'll pass."

"Alright, suit yourself." Steph went back to the character sheets and resuming the game. I continued to watch for another minute and decided to leave when Mikey's character died. Everyone, including me, comforted him after. When I left, they scolded him for using a specific power move too soon in the game.

I felt a hand grab my arm. "Max, wait for me!" I turned around and it was Kate, who had stopped talking to her friend. "Are you doing okay so far?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm doing fine."  _Fine isn't the right word._  "How do you know Steph and Mikey?"

"Steph is a great post-production editor. So, I met her through a previous film, then I met Mikey through her. How do you know them?"

"Magic/Ritual class, which is uber boring, by the way."

"That's a shame. That class sounded exciting."

"Tell me about it."

We ended up sitting together on the couch, black leather, and way nicer than mine, where a few people already sat. They were too busy talking to each other to notice us. We were still close by to the table where the intense battling was going on, so we had to raise our voices just enough to hear each other. A few times, Steph had bumped into my knees and had to apologize.

"Is this considered a party?"

"If you want it to be," Kate crossed her legs and nodded. "But, if you ask any of us, it's not. We all just call it a hang out. This isn't what Victoria has in mind whenever she tells me to go out more, so she never really cares whenever I mention it."

"Maybe 'cuz a board game is involved?"

She giggled. "Most likely. It became a thing to start off with casual talking or a game, maybe two, and then we start talking about... you know, anything. Future plans, mostly."

"Wowser…"  _Don't panic. Don't panic. Talking is scary. I can barely talk about myself, let alone my problems. It's like one big support group!_

"It's an honesty night and what is said in here, stays here." The phrase reminded me of Long Beach. "You don't have to. I know it's difficult for you." She placed her hand on my shoulder.  _I have to leave when it starts. But, I don't wanna look like an ass._

"Good game, better luck next time," Ledah came out of the crowd as it separated. "Alright everybody, gather around! It's time for the best part about these get-together things—us talking about our problems!"

There were cheers and whoops coming from every part of the room, like they knew it was going to be one huge self-deprecating joke. I mean, that was how Chloe and I talked about our problems. Right now, I was convincing myself that I was talking to about thirty Chloes. Steph and Mikey moved the table and then sat on the floor near my feet. I cleared my throat as I counted every head in the room: exactly thirty. Everyone looked like an art student, down to the bags under their eyes. I had to assume a majority of them were film majors.

The feeling bubbling in my stomach was similar to the one I felt at the beach. I balled my hands up into fists, suddenly out of breath, but I didn't tell Kate or leave.

_You'll be fine... Breathe, Max, you're gonna be okay._

"Welcome, I'm so glad you could join on this random Tuesday night and I know  _some of you_ have class."

"Whatever, mom, I'm dying about debt either way!" A voice yelled from the circle. It caused everyone to chuckle and agree. I was agreeing too; whether I was coming along or not, I was going to feel regret.

"Anyway, before we get to the gay shit, let's start with introductions! We have a lot of new faces and I'm feeling anxiety, so I'm going first! Hi, name is Ledah, I'm actually a writing major with a minor in film. Next!"

All of us were unsure about how the cycle was going to go, so it was uncomfortably quiet for a good minute.

"Uh," the person Kate was talking to stood up, "Blaziken, also majoring in English, mostly for script and screenwriting. Gay as fuck and—"

"So is ninety percent of this room, you ain't special!" The crowd roared in laughter.

More introductions, I thought those were over with. I was fucking dying as everyone was quickly going through their turn. I tried to count the majors to keep me at ease: twelve film majors, two photography majors, eight animation majors, six were culinary majors, one fine arts major, and one game design major. It was going clockwise and by the time it was ten people away, I only remembered a guy named Daniel DaCosta, a fine arts major with a slight accent and wearing a t-shirt with a m'lady hat tipper dude on it, and Alyssa Anderson, a photography major I saw in a previous class with cool purple hair. There was also Evan from fucking Nutrition, apparently his last name was Harris and I didn't know that at all. There was a familiar face and I had to blink and rub my eyes to make sure it was her.

Juliet Watson, fine arts in writing major, and transferred recently from Chicago after getting enough credits.

"Max, it's your turn." Kate placed her hand on my knee. I was out of my trance, but I saw for one second that Juliet was looking back at me with the same amount of shock. Wait until Dana hears about this.  _Oh dog, oh dog, oh dog—_

"Oh, it's my turn now?" I stood up nervously, my legs were shaking a lot. "Max Caulfield, photography major and design minor." I sat down again with a heavy exhale, relieving myself of all the air I held in my damn body.  _Great, Max. That was good enough._

"Then I'm last," Kate stood up, "Kate Marsh, animation major. Alright, we're now all acquainted we can start with talking about the film festival."

Everyone cheered and took a quick drink to that. I clapped along with the few people who did.

"So, I'm so excited to say that the script has finally been finalized and won't be going through any more changes!"

"Alright!" A voice cheered from across the group. A wave of applause and whoops went on as she smiled and nodded. Kate waved her hands down and the applause lowered along with it.

"On top of that, the film is halfway done! That means the film will be done by the time of the festival!"

I couldn't help but smile seeing Kate talking to everyone so confidently and casually. I felt jealous—a strong jealousy, boiling within me.  _I hate this feeling. I bet she's still nervous._

"I could feel it in my bones that we'll win." She said with hope. "I've never been so proud to write something until this script."

"Talk about your inspiration!" Another random voice yelled out. Everyone agreed.

"Yeah, Kate, where did it come from?"  
"Who is the other girl supposed to be?"  
"Yeah, Kate."  
"Tell us!"

Kate giggled, "I would, but I don't kiss and tell."

Sounds of awe and cheering commenced, banging feet and hands on the ground, chanting, "Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!"

She shook her head, but she was still laughing and waving her hands down to shut up. When we did, she waved her hand to another person in the crowd, Blaziken.

She fixed her beanie, a matching white one to Steph's, and cleared her throat, "Okay, yeah, also, sorry Steph, I took your job as post-production editor. Now is a great time to announce that."

We applauded and I saw Steph shook her head in disbelief as she clapped her hands too.

"So, some shit I want to get off my chest is your roommate, Kate. She sucks... so much. I cannot believe how someone so attractive could be so... her? I don't hate her,  _but_ —"

This led to a discussion among everyone in the room; apparently, everyone had their very own Victoria story. I listened to Juliet as she recounted her time with today's class and she was a "whole ass and a half." Her words, not mine. I didn't exactly have one, not the kind everyone else had, and when the spotlight was on me, I wasn't sure which story to choose.

"Would you like to hear the story with just me and her other one with Rachel Amber?"

I was bombarded with Rachel's name being yelled and cheered at me.  _Victoria would kill me and my offspring for retelling this, but did I really care right now?_  I was feeling a little more comfortable now that I was in a room filled with people who felt the same way. I told the story, from planning it to when Victoria jumped on the couch, causing a thunder of laughter to fill the room. Remembering it was funnier a second time and actually telling it made it  _way better._ I could make her as dramatic as I wanted. But, it was dramatic enough already.

After that, it somehow led to arguments about pasties (not the food, to the culinary majors' disappointments), to stories about tripping over the literal balls in front of Target, to getting on top of Starbucks counters, and lastly, to the sadder portion when we talked about our fears of our futures. We all agreed, with a couple of optimists, that a majority of us will end up working nine-to-fives involving food or store. It was the sad truth of art majors, but at least we did something we enjoyed while we were able to.

"What about you, Max?" Ledah nodded her head to me. "What are you afraid of? Now? Later?"

"W-what? Oh, no, I don't really want to—"

"Come on," Someone from the group called out, "What you say, it's safe with all of us."

_Is this really happening? It feels like everyone's eyes are glued onto me. Are you really okay, Max?_ I balled my hands into fists, avoiding eye contact with everyone.  _I have to leave. Stop looking at me. I have to get out._

"Actually!" Kate cut the silence, acting like she got a text on her phone. "We have to go. Max said she had to meet a friend again and you know, Victoria."

"Nah, it's cool."  
"It's fine!"  
"There's always next time!"  
"She's annoying, but wouldn't want to piss her off."

Kate helped me to my feet as she waved and said goodbye to everyone. I was dragging her, or at least it felt like I was, out. When the door closed, next thing I knew, I was hugging her so tight, trying to hide in her shoulder. My fingers were digging deep into her sweater.

"You're okay, Max." Kate hugged me firmly, "You can breathe. It's okay."

"I'm so sorry—"

"You don't have to apologize. You did good in there."

I still wasn't coming back into reality. I felt like I was still being stared at. My breathing hasn't calmed down.

"Do you want to stay in my room for a bit?" She started to comb my hair with her hand.

I refused to raise my head, so I nodded it, rubbing my forehead into her shoulder.

* * *

We tiptoed inside, staying quiet to not wake Victoria up from her beauty sleep. We went through the dark, turning on the light after closing the door. She held me the whole time, holding my arm to keep me on my feet. She helped me onto her bed, letting me take off my shoes and lie down.

She sat on the edge of the bed, continuing to run her hand through my hair.

"Everyone was staring at me." My heart sped up just at the thought.

"It's very scary, but you did very well." She smiled down at me. "You were able to go inside. You were able to introduce yourself! Those are amazing feats to me."

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

_Her voice is so nice. I could listen to her for hours. Talking about whatever she wanted._

It felt like another moment coming on, even when I was a total mess. I saw Kate's face change from smiling to realization, ending on her leaving the bed to check on Alice. There was a weird tension, to me there was. I was tempted to bring up Long Beach, maybe because I was still in a daze.  _I couldn't bring up my problems. What makes me think I could talk to her about us? She's clearly not okay._ The silence was killing me.

Before I could do anything about it, my phone started to vibrate. I looked to my phone, thinking it was Chloe wondering where I was, but it wasn't her name or her picture on my screen. Instead, it was Dana. A million thoughts went through my mind, spiraling from realistic to worse-case scenarios.

"Hello?" I answered, trying to not sound paranoid. "Dana, what's wrong?"

I heard her sigh, tired and was rather quiet on her side.  _Holy shit, what happened? Do I have to go? What was happening?_

"I drove Chloe home," she started, "She didn't drink, but she started to become angry. She took a whole bottle and told me to drive her. She kicked me out before I could offer to stay."

_Oh no._ "Dana, you have to pick me up. Now."

"On it, just send your address."

I hung up, breathing heavily as I looked towards Kate, who was looking back in worry.

"Thanks for letting me stay, Kate."


	36. Chapter 36

"This is all my fault."

"Stop saying that, Max." Dana reached over to slap my arm. "It's not your fault. We'll just get you home and you tell me what she's doing, okay? I'm worried about her too. She looked like she was ready to have a panic attack…"

"I should've been with her the whole time, Dana. I didn't stay at the party anyway."

"It's not your fault, Max."

An uncomfortable silence fell on us.  _Come on, Chloe. You're strong._

She sighed, pressing her lips together, "Are you going to need help?"

"Help with what?"

"If she's drunk, I wouldn't want her to be violent and hurt you."

_I've seen her drunk. She's not an angry one at all. She used to be, but now she's the saddest drunk on Earth._

"I think I'll be fine."  _I think she's just crying. She's just crying, Max. You can handle that._

"I'm trusting you." She wasn't confident in her reply, but nodded.

We arrived at the apartment, hurriedly saying goodbye and running into my building, fumbling for my key. I ran into my door, desperately trying to get in, only to fall into the ground. I landed on my arm, but I didn't care.

Something about the room felt off. The atmosphere was different. It felt heavy. I could barely breathe. My ears were throbbing against my brain. My eyes shot around, trying to find what was wrong.

On the dining room table, there was a tipped over, completely empty bottle of Jack Daniel's. On top of that, there was a trail of beer cans following into the bedroom. I froze in place.

_She's okay, Max. She has to be. Maybe she just… Maybe she's still okay. She's okay. She's not poisoned or… dead. She's okay!_

I felt myself shut down, but with heavy feet, I went closer to the door.  _She's fine. She's alive._

My shaky hand reached up and pushed the door, squeaking as it opened. When light started to pour into the dark room, all I saw was Chloe, lying on her side, surrounded by more drinks—some were completely empty, others were still spilling out. I could hear her breath was uneven, her fist was grabbing at her hair, and her feet kept crossing and rubbing against each other.

"C-Chloe?"

Her voice screamed. She launched a brown, glass bottle at me. I ducked, running for cover to my desk. The glass shattered, staining the wall. I was frozen again, pressing into the wooden floor.

I waited for more glass to break. I waited to be grabbed. Or yelled at. Or hit. Or all.

She was crying. She hung off the bed, her weak hands touching the floor. I saw her tears hit the ground.

"Chloe," I crawled over, grabbing her wrists, "I'm here. I'm here."

"Rachel's gone, Max!" She shot up, ripping out of my grip. She lunged at me, digging her nails into my arms and slamming me into the floor. "She's gone!"

Her eyes were bloodshot; her tears dripped onto my face.

"Why is she gone, Max?" She slammed me into the ground during every word. "Why. Is. She. Gone!"

She cried more, pressing her forehead into my shoulder, staining my shirt. Her voice sounded strained and rough. Her grip and her weight was impossible to get out of—moving made her grip tighter.

"I'm killing that motherfucker, Max!" She slammed me again. Her face was close to mine, reeking of beer. "That fucker who took Rachel away!"

My phone fell out of my pocket, trying to press anywhere on my screen to call on emergency.  _Chloe is one, Rachel is two. Two. Don't fail me, memory._

My fingers had to press on the screen, trying to find the speaker.

"Hello?" I heard Rachel's voice. "Hello? Max? Are you there?"

"Rachel?" Chloe let me go, but she was still on top of me. I was able to grab my phone again and turn the speaker off. I heard "Chloe?" as I pulled it to my ear.

"What's wrong?" She added, worry in her tone. Chloe fell over next to me, staring up at the ceiling.

"She may have drunk a whole six-pack… and another six-pack… and a bottle of Jack."

It was silent, uncomfortably silent. I wasn't sure if Rachel was fuming with anger or if she was disappointed, but she was feeling  _something._ Chloe has started sniffling and a flood of tears were coming out of her eyes. Her lips were quivering and keeping her face from contorting.

"Hello?" I said again.

It was still quiet. I could hear something on her side: a fan.

"Take your laptop out right now," she said, "and let me talk to her. Let me talk to her right now while you do that."

Her voice wasn't like how she was when she was mad. It was the same low and monotonous tone, but I could tell it was more on the gentle side. I left it by her ear, hearing, "Baby, I'm here" before I stood up, in a tender, calm voice. I threw open my bag and took my laptop out, cracking it open and calling Rachel on Skype. It took a moment before I saw Rachel, hair in a messy bun and holding her phone to her ear, weakly smiling and waving at me. She looked like she was lying down too. Behind her, it showed closed blinds and curtains, making her room dark, though light shown at the bottom. The blinds and strands of her hair moved; that was from the fan I heard. I couldn't say anything, waving back. She hung up on her phone and she waited for me to bring the camera to Chloe. As I did, Chloe weakly turned to the screen and her tears turned happy, her lips turning into a trembling mix of a smile and a frown.

"I'm here." Rachel reassured. The volume was still high from the movie I was watching. I smiled at them, knowing why she was lying down still. She wanted it to be like she was lying with her. She made her room dark like our night. As if she was still here.

I stood up to leave the room,  _sleeping on the couch was something reserved for me._

"I'm not going anywhere." I heard Rachel say before I closed the door.

I grabbed the beer cans off the ground, tossing them into the trash, along with the bottle of Jack. A shiver went down my spine from touching it.  _Fuck, tomorrow, I'm just gonna sleep in and get all of today out of me._

I knocked out as soon as I lied down on the world's shittiest couch. It was the only time it was comfortable.


	37. Chapter 37

"Tell me how you're feeling." My therapist looked at me dead in my eyes.

"Right now or in general?" I asked, feeling tense in front of her.

"Whichever one you're comfortable with."

_I'm tired. I had descent sleep for a college student—five hours. After what happened, I'm shocked I got five hours. I'm still anxious from yesterday during the party. I'm upset that Chloe wasn't able to make it to her appointment. I'm still worried about Kate._

"A lot of emotions." I looked towards the desktop desk behind her. "Mostly from the party I went to recently?"

"How was that?"

"It was good at first, but," I cleared my throat as I felt it tighten, "They did this group therapy kind of thing and I freaked out. M-my friend saved me and took me home. Then, I got home to my other friend who's an alcoholic, and something happened…" I had to stop. Repeating the night in my head was too much.

"What did happen?"

"Well, she's a sad drunk, but last night, she was a little more… not violent, but angrier. She was crying and screaming all these things about her girlfriend. I was able to stop her, but my back is killing me. She wasn't able to go to her therapy session today. I wanted to come here because I haven't found time to look for help since I moved. It effected some of my relationships and how I work in school."

"Then, it's certainly a feat for you to come here. Your mental health is very important and this is a very big step forward. I want you to acknowledge that and be proud of yourself. As for your friend, that's also a big responsibility, but you took it on. You have to keep going with that."

* * *

The therapy session was what I was used to. Even though I was supposed to trust them with my problems, I was resisting and avoiding my problems. I always forget what I need or want to say; it was the most frustrating part of therapy. I was still feeling a lot of things: grogginess, confusion, irritation, and a lot of back and head pain. I looked around the room until I saw the bathroom door closed with the light showing through the cracks. I heard Chloe inside, cursing and vomiting, along with some groans after said-vomiting.

The door opened, revealing Chloe, who was holding a glass of water and a bottle of pills. She could barely walk, her eyes were squinting, and her movement was so stiff.

"Chloe?" I still felt afraid of her. My back was especially hurting from what happened.

"That's me." Her voice was still raspy. "Don't wear it out."

I sighed in relief. Relieved with her being semi-okay and was, at the very least, alive. She sat down next to me, groaning as she attempted to sit slowly, only to fall down onto her seat.

"Max, I feel so shitty." She cleared her throat. Before I could reply, she spoke again, "Not just because of how much I drank. I can't believe I'm still alive. I feel so shitty for losing my damn mind."

"Chloe, we live together. You take care of me and I take care of you. I've taken care of you many times before and I'll keep doing that until I die."

"I don't even remember what I did. Don't tell me I did something fucking stupid."

"You did the stain on the wall. You threw it at me."

"Are you fucking kid—"

"You pushed me to the ground. You were crying, yet so angry. When you spoke, you would hit my back against the floor. It kinda hurts, to be honest."

"Fuck, Maxper, that's—I fucking hate myself."

"Don't say that. I'm just glad you're here."

"I wish I remembered what Rachel said, if she said anything at all."

"Did you check your phone?"

"I can't see shit right now, so I can't."

"I'll check for you."

I stood up and she slid to the side, lying down on her side. I went into the room, reminded of the night from the stain to my laptop on the floor, and grabbed her phone from the bed. I had to pause as the smell got to me. There were glass bottles and beer cans in the room still, covering the whole room in its bitter smell like a shitty air freshener. I had to leave before I was going to become secondhand drunk.

**Rache: I hate how possessive I was of you. Scratch that, am of you. I want to take the blame for leaving. Because of me, we have to be apart. I really wanted to be mad at you when Max said you were drunk. I didn't want you to think I hated you.**

**Rache: I didn't want my anger management teacher to see me like that either.**

**Rache: It's okay to not be able to do it right away. I'm not upset. Please stay strong, I know you can do it. I'm having a hard time too, but we're doing this together. I'm sorry for losing my cool before. Love you.**

I smiled at the screen. She sent it recently, not even ten minutes ago. She had to be working now, so Chloe had time to send some back. I was proud of her, both of them, and their willpower showed.

I went back into the room and gave her phone back. "Rachel left you some texts."

"Thank you." She looked about ready to pass out again. "Fuck…"

"I'm gonna call Dana. You should stay home, take the bed, and sleep it all off." I left her as she groaned again.

Now I felt like the mom. I was calling her work at HUE, along with Dana directly to talk about the good news about Juliet. I was giddy at the thought of her excitement, wanting to see her best friend again. I waited as it rang a couple of times, before she answered with loud music in the background.

"Hey Max! What's up?" It was so loud I could barely hear  _myself_  think. If I had to work in a place like that every night, my ears would've given out already.

"Uh, hey, Dana! I'm just calling to say Chloe won't be going to work. Well, duh, but I  _do_ want to come by later tonight."

"Why? Is it bad? Don't tell me it's bad!"

"It's not! It's good news I promise. It has nothing to do with Chloe."

"Alright, I'm trusting you! See you soon!"

* * *

**Kate: Max, is everything alright?**

**Me: Yeah, it was about Chloe, but everything's cool now. Sorry for making you worry.**

**Kate: It's fine. Do you want to meet at the library tomorrow? In the morning, I'll bring coffee. My treat.** She added a smiley face at the end of her text.

**Me: Sounds great.**  I smiled, happy she wanted to see me.

When the sun was going down, I pushed my pride aside, and took a bus out to HUE. I put Chloe back into bed and left, with plenty to think about.  _Okay, this is the first official day on our road to getting healthier. Chloe will be sober, I will continue my journey to good mental health, Rachel will control her anger, and Kate… I dunno. Kate will be honest? Does she not trust me? Was it too much information to learn? Does she feel as though it'll drive me away or make me think differently of her?_

When I arrived at HUE, the two bouncers recognized who I was and let me in right away. I would call it the "Rachel Effect": you get anything you want, no questions asked. I felt my anxiety rising. I had to ignore it; I was meeting Dana.

"Max!" Dana called out to me as she strutted through the crowd. She hugged me, "So, what's the good news?"

"You're gonna want to sit down for this." I chuckled. She raised her brow, but she obliged, taking me to the bar, where someone else was working behind the counter.

"Okay,  _now_ will you tell me your good news?"

"Yup! So, I remember you bringing up Juliet and how you guys just stopped talking." I felt my smile growing bigger. "And guess what?"

"What?" She beamed. I could see in the white and blue lights that she was as happy as I expected her to be. It was like her entire being was  _sparkling._

"She's here! She goes to my school!"

"Oh, my god! I missed her so much. You talked to her?"

"Oh, er, no? I saw her at the party, but uh… I might've had an attack and I couldn't go and talk to her."

"That' fine, Max. I'm happy knowing she's here! Crazy how I mentioned her and she just happens to show up!" She was so filled with joy, it was rubbing off on me. "Please let me know once you talk to her!"

In that moment, I had a trick up my sleeve. I really wanted them to meet by chance and, since I wasn't fate or God or whatever controls the world, that was going to be near impossible. I nodded, but my gears were running.

"Speaking of that party, how was being with Kate again? Was it weird or anything?"

"I dunno, it feels normal, yet kinda different? She helped me leave the party, even hugged me and helped me to her place, but other than that, I feel like there's something wrong. Maybe it's just me."

"How so?"

"Like… there was a wall between us now. Almost like a glass wall?"

It sounded deep and profound, but I really wasn't sure where I was going with that. But, all I knew was that there was detachment again. Dana nodded though, like she understood.

"Don't pressure her or maybe don't bring it up? Feelings are a lot, I wouldn't blame her if she was confused and upset. I'm sure she's more upset at herself than you."

"Maybe…" I shrugged, dropping my shoulders. "Relationships are difficult."

"Tell me about it." Dana groaned.


	38. Chapter 38

I woke up Thursday morning with a minor headache. It was from the all-nighter I had to pull, not from homework I had, but because Chloe was starting to feel sick. She was really warm when I touched her forehead and was having stomach aches, so I was up checking up on her. Turns out, her anxiousness and coughing were from the throwing up and a late reaction from being out in the ocean in Long Beach.

I think I've yawned about a million times before I had to leave early for school. I didn't mind the bus; I just hope no one will talk to me.

My morning consisted of making ramen, setting up medicine, and getting ready for my day, though very slowly. After dressing up and yawning once again, I checked on her. She was done talking to her managers about being sick.

"You'll be okay being alone?" I asked as I tied my hair up.

"I'll be okay." She sniffled. She was lying down over the blanket, clearly sweating and overheated.

"Do you want me to call Rachel or will you do that?"

"I'll do that. Run to school already, Maximum Overdrive."

I chuckled, "Alright, see you later."

* * *

As I rode the bus, I was distracted by seeing people, other cars, and passing businesses. I had my earphones plugged in, listening to alt-J and Hannah Telle, thinking about getting something Starbucks for Kate. It was the least I could do and just be like "thanks for hanging out with me?" It was so weird, but the whole Long Beach trip, along with Kate's secrets, was bothering me. I forced myself to ignore it for, not only for myself, but her and our friendship too. I folded my arms, gripping my flannel shirt as I slid down a bit in my seat.  _Max, you're selfish for thinking that way._

When I got off the bus, I took a walk down a couple blocks and decided to buy the usual for Kate—chocolate cake pops. I decided to eat one on the way to the library, where we agreed to see each other, and went inside to our table. I wasn't sure if I liked the taste or if I was starting to like it, but either way, it was in my mouth.

She was sitting in the closest table, distracted, and writing in her notebook. I saw she had two coffee cups in front of her, also from Starbucks, and it made her look like she had the same addiction as me. I lightly dropped the bag in front of her, catching her attention. She smiled up at me and whispered a shy "hi" and waved her hand for me to sit down.

"You like coffee as much as I do?" I asked with a chuckle.

She giggled and turned one of the cups around, revealing a yellow post-it note with "For Max" written on it with a little smiley face next to it. She pushed it towards me and went back to her work, pencil in one hand and a cake pop in another. I tried to read it, even squinting my eyes like it helped, and saw they were notes for what looked like renaissance. She has already filled the page with bullet points and little doodles in the margins.

I folded my arms on the table and rested my chin on them, watching her write perfectly along the blue lines. I sipped my coffee from time to time, continuing to stay quiet. My cheeks felt like they were heating up when I noticed Kate was back in that skirt and suspenders outfit, but her hair was in the same bun. Her arms were exposed again, but they looked unmarked and clear.  _Maybe it was all in my head._ They felt hotter when I saw she was also wearing the bracelet she bought for us.

"Excited for class today?" She asked.

_Oh, right. She already went to class and they were most likely from today. Shit, I still had somewhere to go._  My heart sped up immediately at the thought of having to interact and that there might be another introduction shit I wanted no part of.

"Not really..." I grumbled as I took a bigger gulp. "Chloe was sick so I was up taking care of her. But, I'll be fine, class has to do with lights, so I'll live."

"Is she okay being alone?"

"Yeah, she'll be fine. She's gonna talk to Rachel for hours, even when she's busy."

"That's nice. Of you and of Rachel."

I smiled, weakly chuckling, and resting my forehead on my arms, "Oh dog, I'm so tired…"

"Do you want to walk together to class?"

"I don't want to bother you and you're doing homework."

"You're not, but this  _is_  important."

I then felt a hand on my head, petting me and fixing my hair. "Don't worry, Max, you'll be fine."

I said "dog" a lot, but I didn't mean I wanted to be petted or walked. Though, being petted did feel kinda nice. I hope she was going to keep going, but after a moment, it stopped and I lifted my head again. She was sipping from her cup, sighing after and then went back to her notes.

"Since she's sick, I guess now would be inappropriate to ask if you could sleep over?"

_What? Did I hear that correctly? She wants me to stay over at her apartment? But, Victoria is there? And she hates me?_

"You want me to sleep over? At your place?"

"I felt kind of bad for bringing you to the party, so if you want, you could sleep over for the night at my place. I already spoke to Victoria about you being over and it took some convincing, but she said she'll allow it. Just for one night. But, if Chloe's sick, I could ask another time."

"My only issue is our trip over. Chloe's the one that drives. I would love to, though. Let me text her then." I took my phone out and took another sip of coffee.  **Hey Chloe, would it be weird if I stayed over at Kate's?**

"I wouldn't want to put Chloe through a lot of sh—stuff, though. Should she come along too?"

"If she wants to. She might feel better if I change it to tomorrow? I have class tomorrow in the morning and then I'll talk to Victoria about you staying over for the weekend. Is that better?"

"Yes!" I perked up, my voice echoed through the building. I looked around me, causing Kate to giggle. I cleared my throat, "I mean—Yes, that would be better."

I checked my phone:  **Not today.**

"Yeah, tomorrow would be good. I'll come over in the afternoon?" I said once more. Kate smiled, nodded, and mouthed some words. I tried to read them and what I got was,  _"So cute."_

She started to blush and I started to blush, I was sure we were emitting gay energy from both of us. I checked the time and only about thirty minutes passed since I got there.

I had to do something before I start to implode, so I took out my sketchbook and angled it just enough so Kate couldn't see the paper. She went back to her work and I started to do what she did: draw something pretty. I tried not to be so obvious about drawing her, but judging by the smile on her face, I was being the most obvious. It wasn't going to look as detailed or even as cool as Kate's drawing of me, but if I showed this to someone, they'll know it was supposed to be her.

I finished up her hair and putting shading in places they go and I handed it to Kate to critique.  _Oh, my dog, critique was the worst part about being in art school._  My anxiety goes from a hundred to a million when I had to present my work. Being a photographer meant there was deep meaning to everything we take pictures of and explaining it was difficult.

"This is good," Kate started. "You can add more darker shades so there's more depth. See, in places like my neck and my fingers."

She started to add her personal touch to it, adding darker tones. Like before, I was mesmerized and fixed on watching her hands. It was the same fix I had when I looked in her eyes. Everything about Kate was just so soft and kind and—wowser, that was gay.

"You understand what I showed you?" She asked me.

"Uh, y-yeah," I said. She passed my book back to me and it did, in fact, looked better. I closed the book and shoved it back in my bag, crushing some papers in the process. As much as I didn't want to go to class, I couldn't miss the first day. I put on a brave face and asked her, "Can I hug you before I go?"

"Of course." Kate stood up and pulled me, putting her arms around my neck. "You don't have to ask."

I hugged her back, "I wasn't sure."

"See you tomorrow at one, okay?"

"Yeah, can't wait."

We separated, I grabbed my coffee cup, and headed out. As soon as the library door closed behind me, I allowed myself to jump around and feel heat rise to my cheeks. I probably looked like a tomato, but I didn't care, I was excited for not only what just happened, but for another three days with Kate.

* * *

My class was on the very first floor in the back of the building, so I chugged my coffee down and threw it into the next trash can I saw. I passed Evan, Steph and Scorch, and even Warren while he was working. I never went through a hallway and greeted people before, and doing that now was... nice. It felt good to talk to more than two people before class, I nearly forgot I was nervous at all.

I went into class with higher spirits, welcomed by about four people, including the teacher, sitting on the floor and surrounded by studio lights. I recognized one person and she was the first person I saw because she was wearing all white.

"Hey Max!" She raised her hand.

"Hey, uh, Blaziken, right?" I sat next to her, hugging my knees to my chest.

"Yup," she replied. "I'm a TA for this class."

"Oh, cool, to help move stuff around?"

"Pretty much. From what it looks like, they'll only be three people for this class."

Another person came in, slightly in a hurry, and entered by slamming the door open. I recognized her too for blonde-and-white hair and her blue shirt, but mostly for the fact that I just passed her on the way here.

"Wow," the teacher checked his watch, "Right on time."

She put both of her thumbs up and sat next to me, squishing me in the middle.

"Scorch, I thought you were going somewhere with Steph?"

"I was... I was walking with her to her class." She admitted. "But I couldn't because she said she had to take the elevator and—"

"Ahem! Class is now in session."

The last thing I expected was a lot of movement. The first two hours of class was having to take the studio lights and put them in different places of the room and the second half was going through the hallways and looking through windows like creeps and even stepping outside for natural light. Luckily, my bag was a little lighter from taking my laptop out and forgetting to put it back. It was a relief, because my back would be broken by now, for sure. I was still tired when class was over and I desperately wanted to lie down in class and sleep there instead. Of course, I didn't, I walked with Blaziken and Scorch until we had to split paths at the bus stop.

"See you around, Max!"

"Bye, you guys." I waved my hand at them.

I was standing there for a moment, waiting for the bus to come. Then, I suddenly heard a voice. It wasn't far and I could tell it was coming from the right, where the school was.

"Hey, Max!" I heard again. When I focused my eyes, I finally realized who it was.

"Juliet!" I called back. The first thing she did was playfully punch my arm.

"It's been so long! I was shocked to see you at that party!" She smiled wide. "How are you?"

She looked like she hasn't changed a day. She was still the same Juliet Watson I remembered a year ago, down to her semi-aggressive and extroverted nature. She seemed happy to be here at all, maybe even to see someone she knew?

"I'm fine. How was Chicago?"

"Good, but so fucking boring." She rolled her eyes. "All I was able to do was be in school and be a cheerleader. Like, how pathetic is that?"

"Ah, maybe boring for you. I don't think that's pathetic at all."

"Whatever you say. I'm so glad that I found you! I just wanted to finally connect. I have to go with some friends, so I'll see you around, okay?"

We waved goodbye to each other as she walked away. Right on time, the bus arrived.

* * *

After the bus ride and riding the elevator of my apartment building, I walked in on Chloe sitting on the couch with a bowl in her hand and watching what sounded like an action movie on TV.

"Hey Max Mayfield." She greeted me. She was in a lot better shape than earlier and didn't sound so stuffy anymore.

"Hi Chloe." I dropped my bag next to the couch and dropped myself on the couch, resting on Chloe's shoulder. I could smell the chicken ramen noodles I had to make from her bowl.

"Class was boring?"

"More like class had too much to do. I had to walk so much... and I have homework!" I groaned. "I see you're feeling better."

"Hella better." She replied. "To be hella gay, you know what I love about Rachel?"

"I don't know,  _everything_?"

"No... well, yeah," She shrugged her shoulder. "But dude, her eyes... are the fucking shit."

"That's surprising," I lifted my head up, "coming from you, too."

"I was Skyping with her and I'm so fucking gay. Like, what's that color? It's like brown, but not?"

"... Hazel?"

"Yeah! I was like, "fuck.'" She put her bowl on the coffee table, grabbing my arm. "Literally, hot damn."

I couldn't help but chuckle. Chloe could write a whole book about why she loved Rachel so much. I folded my arms, "But still... everything."

"Fucking duh." She let go of me. "Anyway, what was that text about sleeping over?"

"Oh, Kate said she felt bad for bringing me to that party, because I nearly had an anxiety attack, I kinda did, now that I think about it. So, she asked about sleeping over, but then I told her you were sick. But, how about you? Do you want to come along?"

"I think I should." She answered with very little confidence. "But, I don't want to be stuck with Victoria."

"No one does, but you don't have to hang out with her." I assured. "And you should, only because I should keep an eye on you. Keeping you home alone for now is bad, don't you think?"

She was silent, looking down and nodding. Saying with a smile, "Good idea."


	39. Chapter 39

I woke up the next morning to Chloe sneezing and wrapped in about three blankets, clearly shivering. She reminded me a lot of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with her nose being so red. I thought she felt better yesterday when I got home, but maybe overnight it only got worse. At least she wasn't sweating anymore.

"Are you sure you want to come along?" I asked. "We could reschedule."

She shook her head, "My mom didn't raise no bitch."

I nodded, chuckling mutely, "I can tell."

There was a vibration in my pocket from my phone, letting me know I got a text message. When I took it out, it was a message from Kate, reminding me of the sleepover. Now that it reminded me, she hasn't text me during at midnight since we left Long Beach.

**Me: Can't wait for this afternoon!**

**Kate: I can't guarantee fun, so bring your homework if we run out of things to do.**

I smiled. Oh Kate, so studious. As much as I would hate for a repeat of our first hangout at Starbucks and doing homework all day, her small apartment didn't look like there were a lot of fun to be made. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she paid attention to Chloe more; something about Kate felt motherly.

I replied,  **Me too! Aww okay.**

I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge for a drink or leftover food, but to my not-surprise, there wasn't much inside. Or, not things that  _I_ wanted to eat. So, I used my elite-chef skills and cooking more ramen for me and Chloe.  _I should have chosen culinary as my major instead!_   _The kitchen would catch on fire about ten times and then they'll kick me out. But, I could dream._

"I already told Rachel about being at Kate's place, but she has a hella busy schedule today and the whole weekend." Chloe stated. "So, she won't be calling any time soon."

"Her drama went by really fast. I wish that meant she would be coming back home."

"This isn't her home, Max."

"I know." I loudly sighed. "She lives on the road and in the air. Even  _she_ doesn't know where she lives."

"Can't wait to fucking move out of this apartment. I just want to be with her already and..."

I was waiting patiently for her to finish.

"I'm being hella gay again, aren't I?"

"Since when are you not?" I chuckled and went back to cooking. I had no idea why she stopped. It was nice to see Chloe talking about Rachel fully sober and in a happier way. I mean, yeah, she was sick, but she was better. She was having a hard time not doing any drugs or drinking alcohol anymore, but I could tell she was trying her best.

"Did you take your medicine, Chlo-pen for business?"

I heard her sigh. "Not anymore. Let me die."

I walked out of the kitchen again and gasped at her response. "I thought you were getting better!"

"That fucking disgrace you call a nickname took years off my life."

I scoffed, slapping my hand over my chest. I couldn't respond to that; It made  _me_ want to die too.

I had no choice but to go back to cooking and feed her, even though I wanted to not do that as a small punishment. We ate and went through a couple episodes of some cop show, only because it was the only thing on. We continued to watch TV, making jokes about how nearly every character were dickheads to each other and cringing at dead bodies and how they died, until it hit noon. We had to get ready and pack enough for about three days.

Chloe was almost snail pace, but I stayed patient and sat on the couch with another backpack I had. There was still time, so I decided to call Dana and hope she'll answer in the middle of work.

"Hello?" It sounded quiet on her side.

"Hey, just calling for Chloe because she's still sick."

"Oh, okay, good to know that she'll be resting for now." She sounded happier after that. "I'm on a lunch break, so you called at a good time!"

"That's good!" I tried to match her enthusiasm, but it didn't quite get there. "We're actually heading out to a friend's house right now. Sleepover and whatnot."

"How fun! She's going with you?"

"Yeah, I need to keep an eye on her and, as she said, her mom didn't raise a bitch."

She laughed, "Yup, that's Chloe alright. Well, just let me know when she'll come back, alright?"

"Got it. Enjoy your break and your work shift."

"Thank you! Bye."

After Chloe wore a hoodie, ripped up jeans, and was practically dragging her backpack behind her, we left for Kate's apartment. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be; I was actually excited to go! But, I really hope she won't start with doing homework. Even Chloe would disagree with doing that first. Maybe I could ask her more about that short film, or if she started seeking help for her depression, or ask her if she could design my tattoo… Or wonder if what I saw was real. That was still on my mind and since I haven't stopped thinking about it, I might as well get to it.

As always, I bought another box of cake pops for Kate and drinks for all three of us: an iced coffee, an iced green tea lemonade, and a hot chocolate. I thought about getting the hot chocolate, but Chloe said, and I quote, "I'm hella cold, just get fucking anything hot."

"I'm never going into the ocean at night  _ever_ again..." She gritted her teeth.

"At least you had a great time, right?" I sipped through my straw.

She sighed and chuckled, "Yeah I did."

We parked right in front of Kate's place and knocked on her door, holding our backpacks and drinks in our hands. I forgot to text Kate before parking and even leaving, but I doubt she was expecting anyone else. When the door opened, Kate was still nicely dressed from going to class, braid and in a nice yellow dress, and smiling wide to see us. Her arms were still missing those cuts I thought I saw, making me feel crazy. My jaw almost fell to the floor to see such a natural beauty right in front of me.

"Hey Max, Chloe," she greeted. "Come in."

Chloe went in first and took over the couch, jumping in and dropping her backpack onto the ground. Surprisingly, her drink was just fine.

"Is Victoria here?" I asked, looking around cautiously as I walked in. It looked the same as when I was last there.

"She just left actually." Kate replied and shut the door. "She's setting up for a party, so I have the place to myself again."

"Now you have us." I handed the box of cake pops to her. "Planned anything?"

"Not today. Well, not outside plans. I bought some medicine for Chloe beforehand, so if you need that. It's grape flavor."

"Thanks, but—" Chloe sat up on the couch and didn't finish her thought. She was instantly distracted from whatever was on the coffee table, staring wide eyed at it.

As I put my backpack and drink down, I asked, "Are you okay?"

No response.

I approached her, ready to say "cat got your tongue?", but then I saw the magazine on the table. On the very top of the stack, the picture I took of her and Rachel for Vanity Fair was right in front of her face. We didn't get a chance to look at it closer or get our own copy, so her lack of words was understandable.

She grabbed it, clearly hesitant and shaky, and blinking at it, as if she was trying to make it disappear. I heard Kate approach, just as worried as I was. After a whole minute passed, Chloe started to smile and giggle to herself. It was kind of cute and contagious, Kate and I couldn't help but laugh with her.

"Um, I'm just gonna read this. I won't steal it... probably." Chloe looked up at Kate with the most innocent look I've ever seen on her.

"If you want to keep it, you can. Victoria bought two of them."

I found that hella weird.  _Why did Victoria purchase, not just one but, two magazines? I thought she hated Chloe too, so it would have made sense if she decided not to get it at all._  But, Victoria did give off a lot of mixed signals, so I decided to forget about it before my head exploded.

"You guys don't have to stay here. I'm just gonna read." Chloe lied down on her back and flipped the magazine open, hiding her face behind the issue.

Kate grabbed my hand and guided me to her room. "Did you have anything in mind, Max?"

"Not really. Except let's not start with homework, please?" I pouted.

She chuckled as she sat down on her bed, "That I already knew."

Knowing Chloe was outside, Kate had the door kept open. I sat across from her, grabbing her pillow and hugging it.

"Well... I've been meaning to ask you this," I started, "Did you look into therapy or anything when we got back?"

"Yeah, I saw my therapist before class today. It's an every Friday kind of thing. I'm sorry for not texting you. I've been sleeping better."

"It's fine. That's great! But, just know, I'm always awake at that time, so don't be afraid."

She giggled, "I know, I know. What about you? Have you looked at all?"

"Yeah, my session was on Wednesday. It was okay, I guess." I rubbed the back of my neck, still distressed from it. "Chloe set one up too, but she didn't go."

She nodded, "That's good. Getting professional help is the first step."

We sat quietly. We could hear Chloe turning the magazine pages, Kate swayed her crossed feet from side to side, and I hugged my pillow closer to my chest. The same nervousness was overwhelming me, down to not making any eye contact with her.

"Um, another weird question," I cleared my throat. "Would you mind designing something for me?"

"Not at all!" She grinned and got up to get her sketchbook from her bag. "What for? If I may ask."

"That whole tattoo thing is still underway and I still need a design. I don't know if that would be weird."

"Oh, not at all!" Kate sat down on her bed again, flipping her book open to a blank page. "I'm honored that you want my art on you forever."

I chuckled, "You mean the best artist ever."

She giggled and drew out a perfect box on her page, "So, tell me what you have in mind."

"I spoke to Chloe and we just want to put a deer and a camera together. And like I think about flowers a lot to match with her."

Kate nodded, letting me know she was listening.

"Are you drawing it already?" I didn't look or try to lean over to see. I was sure she wanted it to be a surprise.

"I have an idea. I know you love to sleep, so that's helping with the design." She smiled.

"Are you sure you never thought about getting a tattoo? Never ever?"

"If I recall, there's a verse in the Bible that says it's sinful. Leviticus 19:28, I think."

"You care about sin?"

She looked up and smirked at me, "What do you think?"

I didn't respond. Well, more like I couldn't. She went back to drawing, making me sit silently as I listened to her pencil move and scratch around. _It was obvious she didn't care much about sinning, not anymore, and I had no idea why it was making me so... I don't know what the word was._

"I'll consider getting a temporary one, though. Who knows, maybe I'll like it." She shrugged her shoulders. "Do you want color?"

I hummed, "Sure. And that would be hella cool! You could scare Victoria again."

She giggled as she went into her dresser to get a container of colored pencils, "I think I scared her enough. I'm pretty sure that ruined my chances of ever seeing her room."

"Is her door locked?"

"Every time she leaves the place and she closes it whenever she leaves her room. But, I respect her privacy... I just wish she was quieter."

I nearly choked on my own spit.  _What is that supposed to mean? What is she insinuating with that? I hope she meant music or watching shows or movies. I can't get the question out of my mouth._

"Chloe dabbled in picking locks," I mentioned. "Maybe she could get you in there."

"I couldn't possibly do that." She shook her head. "But, thanks for the suggestion. Okay, I think I'm done."

She handed her book to me, "So, this is what I thought of."

I had to take it in for a minute. A doe, curled up and with its eyes closed, sleeping in a bed of flowers, and in the middle, it cuddled with a big old-school Polaroid camera. The colors were amazing and it looked so real, yet dream-like. "Perfect" doesn't describe this enough. There wasn't a single word out there that could describe this correctly.

"Wowser... Kate, this is beautiful. This is it, I'm putting this on my body." I couldn't stop looking at it.

"There's nothing you want to change?"

"Nope! I'll put your signature too!" I stabbed my finger down next to her cursive signature in the corner of the picture.

She chuckled and waved her hand, "You don't need to do that. I'm already happy from having my art on someone."

We then heard Chloe speaking. She was hissing profanities in the living room, as if she was frustrated. I looked at Kate and she looked back at me, wide eyed and curious as to what she was doing. We got up from the bed, putting the book and pencils down, and tiptoed our way to the door. We poked our heads out and saw Chloe sitting up, her back to us, and holding her phone to her ear.

"Uh... Hey, Rachel... Shit, I never leave fucking voicemail, I'm hella bad at this." She chuckled to herself. "I just wanted to let you know that I love you... and that I'll never let you go. You're a pain in the ass sometimes, but I'm hella worse, right? Um, that's it. Uh, bye."

She let out a loud and annoyed groan, "Shit! What the hell! What am I thinking? Chloe Price, you're twenty-one, why—why—why?!"

She then lied down on the couch again, on her side and released one louder sigh.

_I should go out there. That magazine must have triggered something in her._

Despite that, it was a sweet voicemail. I was sure that Rachel would keep it forever and maybe even listen to it whenever she couldn't speak to Chloe. Kate and I went back to bed, simultaneously sitting down and sighing, taking in what we just heard. Chloe wasn't mad at her for leaving, not at all, but it felt like she was mad at herself because she  _had to stay behind._ That was probably easier to cope with, in her head, but did anything really work?

"She really misses her, huh?" Kate asked.

"More than that."


	40. Chapter 40

After thinking about what I just saw, I shook my head and said, "Does Victoria hate me or something?"

Kate sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "Maybe a tiny bit. I don't know why, but she just always has something negative to say. I always tell her to give you a chance, but she's very...  _not nice_ , in general."

Ouch. Fuck, my anxiety shot up just at the thought of someone hating me. The fact that Victoria had no real reason to hate me at all, I think, made me feel worse. I shouldn't care much, though. I didn't need her approval or anything! But, it would be nice if she just liked me and not tolerated me…

"Why do you ask?" Kate cocked her head.

"No reason. I just heard her say some things that make me feel like something's wrong with me?"

"Oh, no, don't feel like that." She put her arm around me and pulled me close, my head landing on her shoulder. "It's how she is. I like you, so I hope she'll warm up eventually. Don't be sad, Max."

I smiled and felt my cheeks become warm, "Like or  _like_ like?"

She smiled, looking away from me, teasingly, "Who knows."

"Sounds way better when you tell me."

She giggled and took her arm off me, acting like she didn't hear what I said. She did push me slightly, playfully. She placed her book back into her backpack and fixed it to lean against her dresser. "Where are you going to sleep?"

Oh, right, sleeping over meant I had to sleep  _somewhere in another house._ I wasn't sure, because Kate's bed was twin-sized and looked like only she could fit on it. We would be pushed together, back to back, face to face, or some position of cuddling and spooning. Even though we've been in positions like that before, the feeling was still overwhelming. Maybe because now there were more feelings beyond friendship? Maybe it was just me.

"Um, Victoria forced me to sleep on the couch, so I guess I'll squeeze in with Chloe…" I said with a hint of sadness.

Kate was quiet for a second as she fixed up her stuff, like her violin case and some books, until she responded, "Do you want to be next to me? I know what Victoria did was awful, so we could be together if you want."

Well, my stuff  _was_ already in the same room. It didn't feel as bad to want that when Kate suggested it. "Sure." I kept my composure as I leaned back on my hands.

"I think you would get sick too if you lie down with Chloe." She chuckled at herself. It made more sense for her to suggest it for my health rather than my gayness.

I chuckled along, "Right, wouldn't want that."

"Do you want to try to lie down together?" She suddenly asked. "I know it's small, but we could figure it out."

I nodded my head and stood up, "Good idea." But I knew on the inside, I was screaming.

Kate got in first and patted the empty spot next to her. She was practically sandwiched between me and the wall and when I joined, her back had to be pushed against the wall. Face to face seemed to work, but whatever-higher-being out there knew I won't sleep with her like this.

"Does this work for you?" She asked.

"... Not really."

She chuckled, "I appreciate your honesty. What do you suggest then?"

"Um..." I lied on my back. "Snuggle buddies?" I knew my smile was awkward looking and seeing Kate's amused one confirmed it. She got closer to me, making my pink cheeks go red and heat rise all over my body. Her arm went over me and I could feel her breath against my neck as she got herself comfortable. I reached under her, hooking my arm around her shoulders, though I really wanted to tickle her sides again.

"I like this one." She continued to push against me, then placing her leg over mine.

"At least there's more bed room than us room." I had  _no_ fucking clue what that meant. It was clever in my head, but that was lame and  _I_ was lame, I lived up to it and decided to have some confidence in it.

Nonetheless, she still laughed. Light and bubbly, like it really was as funny as I thought it was. It did boost my confidence a tiny bit.

"I should lock Victoria out of my room if she keeps locking me out of hers." Kate said. "What's the problem with sleeping together?"

I nearly choked on my own spit  _again_. I refused to say anything and held both a shocked "whoa" and a burst of laughter. A solid minute passed before she gasped in realization what she had said.

"I mean, sleeping in the same bed!" She pinched my arm; I winced from the pain. "You're really a pervert, aren't you?"

"I'm not!" I argued through chuckles. "But, come on, you could have said anything else other than "sleeping together.'"

She huffed, annoyed but still smiling, "Whatever, Max."

We were stuck together at this point. The position was so comfortable and I got used to it, so we were just lying there on her bed, listening to Alice move around in her cage and Chloe still reading through magazines. I really wanted to fall asleep from how Kate always smelled like vanilla, or anything sweet at all, whenever I got this close to her. It almost made me insecure, because I was sure I smelled like freshly-cut grass constantly. I blinked and yawned once, returning back to reality.

"How's that movie going, by the way?" I asked.

"Great," she replied. "All of us have been working really hard and I'm glad the final story was good enough. I was becoming tired of it."

"That's good." I nodded. "But, are you  _really_ sure those actresses don't look like us?"

"You can blame everyone else for that." She pointed to her stack of books on her bedside table. "The truth is, I showed that picture you took of us to them and they made it their goal to find girls that looked like us. Sorry for acting like I didn't think so; that was also their idea." The picture I took on our first technically-date was leaning against her bedside lamp and angled so it could be seen while lying down.

"Damn... I thought I was going crazy, Kate."

"Me too... It's like looking in a mirror with those two."

"I don't think I'll be able to watch the movie without thinking it's us." I chuckled.

"That's how I feel right now watching the filming."

"What's a scene you filmed recently?"

"Oh, we decided since the library's incredibly gorgeous, we filmed the final kiss scene in front of the entrance."

"Kiss scene, huh? How does that play out?"

That on top of both actresses being nearly identical to us, thinking about kissing Kate wasn't new but was intensified. Kate took her arm off me and rested on her other one, leaning over close to my face.

"Would you be okay with me acting it out? It's kind of a tense scene."

"O-okay." I felt my body stiffen up. Kate nodded and her smile went away, getting into the tone of the scene.

"Girl One, the one who looked like you, runs after Girl Two out the library door and grabbed her arm." Kate grabbed mine, recreating the emotion. "One admits she really liked Two, even though she has been avoiding talking about it. Two holds her hands, looking deeply into her eyes." Kate's hand trailed down to hold my hand. "One thought she was going to get rejected, shutting her eyes tight. Two grabs One's chin, slowly pulling her closer..."

She copied her words. She was taking control as she pulled me in at an achingly slow pace and I instantly closed my eyes as she closed the gap between us. My hand reached up, holding her cheek to pull her in faster. As soon as I felt Kate's breath against my lips, there was shocked and angry voice exclaiming "What the fuck!" at the door.

Kate jerked back. We both followed the voice. Anxiety spiked in my entire being, knowing  _exactly_ who that voice belonged to.

_Talk about Déjà vu... What did that mean? Was Kate really going to kiss me? Or... was it just a tease and she was going to back away? Kate really sent mixed signals sometimes..._

Victoria stood at the door, arms folded and eyebrows furrowed, staring into my soul. She seem to have come home early, judging by her tight, red dress and black stiletto heels.

"Victoria, you're here!" Kate sat up right away, fixing her dress on her lap.

"I came back early to get my drinks because the bitches wanted a pre-party buzz. I see you've been  _busy_." She squinted her eyes at me, stabbing right into my soul.

Chloe ran to the door, eyes wide and crashed semi-hard into Victoria's side, "I tried to stop her! Really!"

I doubted her. We didn't hear the front door open and we didn't hear Chloe and Victoria fighting each other or talking at all. I knew that Chloe would do pretty much anything to stop Victoria in her tracks.

"Fuck you, you were in the bathroom." Victoria growled at Chloe. She released an exasperated sigh, "Okay, I don't have time to tell you to fuck off, so I'll just leave with my drinks. If I catch you again, I will lose my shit and you'll be sleeping outside. Got it?"

I sat up too, nodding my head rapidly in fear. She stomped away, leaving Chloe speechless at the door. She scoffed and rolled her eyes, "What the hell were you guys doing?"

"Nothing!" Kate and I said in unison.

"Uh, Chloe," Kate got out of bed, fixing and straightening her dress again, "Have you taken your medicine again? It's been a couple hours."

"Not yet, thanks for reminding me."

The front door loudly shut, causing all of us to flinch. Chloe scoffed again, adding, "Fucking bitch."

Chloe and Kate left together into the kitchen, leaving me in my own confusion, horror, and small bit of sadness. I had to conclude that Victoria really hated me, whatever that reason may be, and really did tolerate me around Kate. She somehow places the blame on me, even though Kate was the one about to kiss me. She would lose her shit if she knew that it has happened before and it was also Kate that started it. I sighed and got out of bed, walking into the kitchen, where I witnessed Chloe downing a purple liquid like a shot.

She physically shivered and groaning from the taste of the medicine, "Holy shit, that's awful!"

"It's worth it! You're becoming healthy again." Kate twisted the medicine cap closed again.

"Can't smart people make this shit taste, I don't know,  _hella good_?"

"Maybe some time in the future. But for now, you deal with it and only know that you're making yourself better again."

"Guess you're right."

I snickered to myself and decided to go to the bathroom too. I walked in and locked the door behind me, walking into a very clean and organized bathroom. Both sides were filled with various products and different colored towels, but I could tell which side was Kate's and which one was Victoria's. Kate's was simple and only had a few bottles and containers and Victoria's was overflowed and had about a hundred face masks and five towels. On Kate's side, a small orange bottle caught my eye. I couldn't help but grab it and read the label:

**Marsh, Kate. Sertraline 100 mg tablet. Take one pill every evening. May cause drowsiness.**

There were still about two months' worth of pills inside. Maybe this was why she wasn't texting me late at night anymore? It caused drowsiness, so maybe it was recommended by her doctor so she could also sleep. I put the bottle down and went to wash my hands and face, not wanting to waste my time inside. I dried with Kate's towel and left out again.

Chloe and Kate were sitting on the couch, deep in conversation and Chloe looked very passionate about whatever they were talking about.

"I think they're working pretty well. I feel more motivated and I want to do more things throughout the day."

"That's awesome. I never looked into shit like that. I never felt like I needed it."

"That's fine. It's a decision you make, so I won't say why you should go."

"That's hella cool of you."

I interrupted them, clearing my throat, "Hey, what're you two talking about?"

"Oh, nothing much." Chloe folded her arms. "Maxwell Sheffield, you  _really_ need a haircut."

I grabbed a lock of my hair, twirling it around my finger. It barely passed my shoulders, but I didn't think it looked  _that_ bad. "Is it that bad?"

"It's just... not you." Chloe stood up and started touching my hair. "Kate, you got scissors in your bathroom?"

"Yes, in the right drawer." Kate replied.

"Tight," Chloe then pulled me along back to the bathroom I came from. "Alright, back to your old self again."

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" I resisted a tiny bit. She was kind of out of her mind from all the cold medicine she had been taking for two days straight and lack of alcohol in her system.

"Trust me! I got this."

So, I did. She shoved me into the bathtub and made me sit inside while she found the scissors. She turned me around and had a firm grip on my hair. Judging by how close her hand was to my head, she was trying to match the length I had a year ago. Without warning me, she started to cut my hair. I shut my eyes and listened to the sound of my hair being cut, which was somehow relaxing.

"Your hair was too long, bitch." She reached her hand out, holding a fistful of what was once a part of my head, "You want to keep this?"

"Actually," I got up and grabbed my analog camera from my bag and went back, "I need a photo for this."

I took a couple photos of Chloe holding scissors and my hair and looking very proud of herself and I took another while I sat in the tub and she cut my bangs. The longer it went, the more relaxed I was and the more I trusted her. When Chloe was done, she fixed small details on me and said, "There you go, Max Goof, you look like a Max again."

I chuckled and hopped out of the bathtub. I looked into the mirror above the sink and it really did feel like seeing my old self again. My hairstyle was the exact same one I had in high school and it was better than the long hair I tried to have moments ago.

"Wowser, Chloe, how did you do this?" I turned my hair and ran my fingers through it, still in disbelief that Chloe managed to do this.

"I'm hella good at everything. Confidence makes a bitch talented and shit."

I saw in the mirror that Kate was standing at the door, resting on the door frame, and grinning at me. I turned around and smiled back, "What do you think?"

"It looks very nice on you." She nodded at me.

"I actually want to go outside. I feel so good about myself right now." I turned back to the mirror.

"Well, what time is it?"

Kate looked at her wristwatch, "Eight-fifty."

"Then let's go out! Let me change and we'll head to HUE sf for a hella crazy night!"

* * *

Chloe changed in her signature ripped jeans, but she wore a different hoodie, which when I stared at the small writing over the left side of her chest, it was white cursive saying "Too Fucking Close." I immediately backed up.

We left and, despite our protests on how we didn't have to go clubbing and that she was still sick, she acted like she hasn't been sick in years. I sat in the back with Kate as Chloe drove to HUE sf in fifteen minutes flat. She parallel-parked in front of the nightclub, next to the end of the long ass line heading to the entrance. It didn't help that it was also Friday and  _everyone_ was ready to party their asses off.

Chloe took out a key from her pocket, showing it to us, and then put it back. "Follow me."

We started to walk towards the entrance, but I doubted that the key had anything to do with those doors. As we passed two-thirds of the line, I could hear my name being called from it and I had to lag behind Chloe and Kate. My eyes darted around the line for the voice until I saw an arm waving around to get my attention. Standing in line in a little black dress was Juliet and she looked very happy to see me.

"Max! Hey!" She called.

"Juliet!" I approached her. I heard a voice behind me again; Chloe was calling me to "hurry the fuck up."

"I didn't know you went to places like this!" She was in awe that I was anywhere near a nightclub.

"I'm here for my friends." I had an idea. It was crazy and on the whim, but it was my perfect chance.

"Hey, Max, what's going on?" Chloe took a double-take at Juliet. "Juliet-fucking-Watson! It's been a hella long time."

"Holy shit, Chloe Price! I haven't seen you in forever!" They hugged tightly. "How have you been?"

"I'm fucking sick as a bitch, but I'm still getting fucked up! We're here for a good time not a long time, right?"

Juliet laughed out, "You're so right."

"Hey, uh," I interrupted, "We should bring Juliet along. I'm sure  _someone_  in there would  _love to see her._ "

I tried to hint it to Chloe. It took a second, but then her eyes lit up and nodded, "I have a key to the back. You should come with us."

"Hell yeah! My friends went in without me, that's fucked up, right?"

"Hella fucked up."

Chloe guided through an alley way and went into a door on the side of building into the room they make the bar food and keep all the drinks in. I went ahead and went through the next door, leading to behind the counter of the bar. Dana was bobbing her head to the music and seemed to have finished serving drinks for the time being.

"Dana!" I raised my voice and grabbed her shoulder.

She flinched and turned around, "Oh, hey Max!" It took a second and her eyes widen, "Max, how did you get here?!"

"I have a surprise!" I told her. "Sit at the bar and put your head down! I'll bring it out in a second."

Dana blinked at me and then nodded, "Better be worth it!"

Then, she walked around the bar and sat at the furthest and last seat on my right. I hurried back inside to Chloe, Kate, and Juliet still standing around inside.

"Juliet, come with me!" I grabbed her wrist and pulled her behind me into the nightclub. I pulled Juliet all the way to Dana, who did as I said and had her head down. I tapped on Dana's shoulder and she turned around and locked in on Juliet.

They were quiet for a moment, like they were trying to comprehend what and who they were looking at. I could only stare at them until they did something. Simultaneously, they went in for a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry for being such an asshole! I wanted to text you, but school was fucking me up!" Juliet cried out.

"Oh, God, I can't believe you're really here!"

"Dana, you still love me?"

"Of course, I do! I missed you so much!"

All I could do was smile at them. Sometimes, nightclubs were fun after all.


	41. Chapter 41

Dana and Juliet had occupied two of the bar seats and Chloe had jumped in for Dana. Kate and I were together and we were attempting to have fun and dance around to the music. Of course, this was neither of our scene and we were out of place. It took a while for the haircut to start messing with me, but when my back started to feel like it was being poked by tiny needles, I dragged Kate into the club's restroom to help me.

Kate helped with my shirt and got the little hair that Chloe cut off, pulling on my shirt and patting me down.

"Does it really look that nice?" I asked. It was my old hairstyle, but something about it did feel better. I couldn't put my finger on it.

"It looks very nice on you, Max." Kate ran her hand through my hair. "You should stick to having shorter hair."

"I think so too." I nodded. "Am I good now?"

"I got most of them out, so I think you're good."

"Thanks."

As soon as I turned around to look at Kate, a girl ran into the restroom and started to throw up in one of the stalls. That was the third girl that had to do that, along with friends following behind to help. I could only chuckle anymore and feel sympathy for them.

"Do people actually find these places exciting?" Kate asked. We leaned against the wall next to the hand dryer. It wasn't super clean, but it didn't go beyond posters and graffiti.

"I think so. Chloe and Rachel seem to enjoy it." I folded my arms and crossed my ankles. "But, I'm just here for Chloe, so I don't personally enjoy this."

"Victoria took me to one of these things once," she sighed after, as if tired from just thinking about it. "I left without her noticing, though."

"She was mad at you, wasn't she?"

"You're right to assume that." She nodded and laughed. "Didn't take long to forgive me; we live together after all."

"At this point, you can't really convince me that she's nice anymore."

_I'm not sure if she was just a shitty ass person or protective of Kate or something really is wrong with me. I think it was the last one, but just like with the last three girls that ran to the toilets to barf, I was slowly caring less and less._ It was still empowering to feel.

"She's nice, I promise. She just needs to warm up to people. Like a cat, you know?"

"That's very fitting."

We eventually left after a forth girl came in and her gagging noises were echoing and making us feel sick. We sat outside on the curb (our second favorite place to sit, apparently), watching cars and letting the warm night relax us from the hectic atmosphere inside.

"Chloe won't drink here, right?" Kate fixed her dress to cover her legs.

"I trust her right now, especially since she's sick. She's hella strong and I also trust that Dana's paying attention too." I hugged my knees.

I should be keeping watch because Rachel told me to, but I wanted to talk to Kate and she didn't have to tell me that she wasn't having fun inside. Rachel should understand.

"Must be hard for her right now," Kate sighed. "Addiction is a very difficult thing to shake off."

"Hey, with someone like Rachel in your life, you just want to do what she says. Plus, they've been together for so long, Chloe wants that as long as she could."

"They're very much in love, aren't they?" Kate had a dreamy smile on her face, like she even enjoyed the thought of that.

"Yeah," I drew out. "They don't know it, but they're both thinking of marriage and it's so awesome. I hope I don't have to do anything about that."

She weakly snickered, "That's a personal thing between couples, Max. I know they consider you their child, but if they're serious about marriage at their age, then they'll talk about it. Though, it would be nice for them to do so."

"What about you? You think about marriage like that?"

Kate did a wistful sigh and rested her head on my shoulder, then hugging my arm. I rested my head on top of hers.

"It crosses my mind," she said. "But, school is too important right now and I don't have money for either one. What about you?"

"To be honest, not really. I was never good at talking to people I liked, so it never came to mind. Is that weird?"

"Of course not." She replied. "Marriage is very important and should be thought through. I would hate to divorce…"

"I can't imagine anyone divorcing from you." Hell, I couldn't imagine not being friends with her. It felt like a hollow space, almost, imagining time without her.

She giggled, "That's reassuring. I love love."

"I could tell."

Hearing cars pass and staring up at the star-covered sky, we were so comfortable. I was relieved to be away from Victoria; Kate probably did too to some extent.

"Were you… really going to kiss me?" I had to ask.

"I was going to move to your cheek. I knew you wouldn't want to do that, but of course, Victoria walked in on us."

"Right… Friends kissing would not be good…" I murmured.

Kate hummed, "Max, we both told each other that we kissed our best friends, so it wouldn't be so far-fetched if we kissed each other."

"Is that an invitation?"

"It's an observation." She responded and looked up at me to smile.

My heart raced and my hands felt clammy. It would be better if it happened more naturally, unless Chloe suddenly dares me again but to Kate instead. Then again, both Chloe and Victoria seem to have odd, yet perfect timing when it came to Kate and I sharing romantic moments.

They're cockblocks and they know it. Life is… unfair.

"Sharing a bed with you seems to be really complicated." I move my arm under her and hung it around her shoulders.

"I just never did that before. Whenever my friends did sleepover, they slept on the floor or on the couch or outside of Victoria's door to anger her."

I laughed at the thought of anyone sleeping in front of Victoria's door like a sad dog. I was tempted to do that too, because I knew that Chloe would dare me to do something as stupid as that. But, with Kate on me right now, it reminded me of something better than pissing Victoria off.

"I can't wait to sleep in later." Kate brought up.

"What if I wake up before you somehow?"

"Then wake me up. I wouldn't want you to be lying there in your lonesome."

"That's fair." I nodded.

"Are you guys done being cute and shit or should I pretend I was never here?" I heard behind us. We raised and turned our heads, and Chloe was there, standing over us.

"Uh... Pretend you were never here?" I awkwardly replied. Chloe scoffed at me, ruffling with my hair, "Come on, gotta drive home. I just worked for  _fucking free._ "

* * *

Not arguing any longer, we headed back to Kate's apartment and got ready for bed. Luckily, Victoria wasn't home yet, so all of us had a chance to get ready at our own pace. Apparently, she took hours and forced Kate to hurry up if she wasn't there first.

Kate went first, so Chloe and I sat on the couch, ignoring each other while we were on our phones.

"Hey, Max," Chloe grabbed my shoulder and shook me around. "Yo."

"Yeah?" I put my phone down on my lap and turned to her.

"Were you guys making out earlier? If you were, I'm hella proud of you," she patted me on the back. "And sorry for messing it up again."

"No, we weren't. Not in her room or outside. We talked about it, but I don't know, it feels tense and kinda forced."

"Ah, right, well, hate to say it, but you should try to make a move on her too."

"How do you know that  _I_ wasn't the one making the moves this whole time?"

She gave me a look, like she was saying "are you fucking cereal right now?" She didn't have to see it with her own eyes that Kate was the direct one between us. I huffed at even asking that.

"Who am I kidding." I folded my arms. "She still hasn't told me that she's ready for a relationship yet."

"Maybe she won't tell you through words. I'm just being hella gay here." She held her hands up defensively.

"I don't want to assume what she wants, Chloe," I fell back on the couch, landing on the pillows. "She's the one who still feels… I dunno. She's still being kinda mysterious about it."

"Just show a little aggression," she bumped her arm into mine, "Like, fuck, you need to do your side too."

She was right. I tried my best to do what I could, but everything just felt like I was crossing boundaries, no matter what. I was more scared of messing anything up than anything. Getting this far was an accomplishment in itself, like what my therapist said!

"Let me think about it." I decided.

The bathroom door opened and Kate walked out in her pajamas (even though it was hot, she had a sweater on) and still drying her hair, "I left towels for you guys in there, so just jump in."

"Thanks, Kate." I nodded and turned to Chloe. "You wanna go first?"

"Since you insist." Chloe didn't argue and started digging through her bag to get her things. Once she got everything and closed the door, Kate sat down next to me.

"She seems to be feeling better." Kate continued to dry and rub her hair in her towel.

"Yeah." I nodded.

After that talk with Chloe, I was feeling awkward and I couldn't stop thinking about it. My hands were shaking and I was overthinking to the point that I'll go brain dead.

"Are you gonna lock the door tonight?" I asked, forcing it out of my throat with as much confidence I had.

"I'll close it. Are you more comfortable that way?"

I slept in the living room for a good month or two, so I didn't care what door was closed. Victoria was just the big obstacle I had right now, from her timing to how aggressive she came off.

"I'm sure she was more upset at us nearly kissing than being in the same bed." She tried to reassure.

"Are you sure about that?"

Kate didn't seem so confident, but replied, "I'm sure."

I believed her, yet didn't at the same time.

* * *

It didn't take long for me to get ready for bed; I needed ten minutes flat to do everything I needed to do. In that small time frame, I was having conflicting thoughts.

I didn't want to put Kate in an uncomfortable situation, but at the same time, Chloe wanted me to finally start doing something about it. As I passed Chloe, who was lying down on the couch with a black-and-white blanket, they were still annoying me. At least she got a blanket, unlike me who got a bed sheet last time.

"Goodnight, Chloe." I waved my hand at her.

She waved back, "G'night, remember what I told you."

I silently nodded and went into Kate's room. She was reading her Bible as she brushed her own fingers through her hair. There was a post-it on the outside of it now: Matthew 11:28. She smiled at me for a second, then went back to reading. I smiled back and shut the door behind me.

I didn't want to bother her, so I put all my clothes back in my bag and hopped into bed, prompting Kate to swiftly get into the same position as we were earlier, continuing to read to herself. I wondered how long she read for, but I kept quiet anyway.  _Something about the room is tense. I don't hate it. I just wonder what it is._

She quietly shut her book and reached over to put it back, turn off the light, and mutter a, "goodnight, Max. Sweet dreams."

"Goodnight, Kate." I whispered back.

I couldn't shake the feeling off anymore. It was overwhelming. We were alone, in the dark, and we're together... I had to take a chance. The least I could do was kiss her forehead or the top of her head. We already had two almost-kisses and it's whatever if I just do it against her forehead! Friends do that all the time. I built up the courage, gripping her shoulder and went down to kiss her forehead.

I was proud of myself. It happened so quickly. But... it didn't feel like her forehead. It felt different. Still soft. Still warm. But... different. Neither of us said anything for a moment, unsure of what just happened.

"That was for... to make up for earlier..." Kate choked out.

I forced a smile, "Yeah..."  _What did I do?_


	42. Chapter 42

It would be a lie if I said I got a goodnight's rest. I was up all night, stuck under Kate's weight, and the fact that I may or may not have kissed Kate on the lips.  _I didn't mean for that to happen! Maybe I was tired and it was her forehead after all. But why would Kate say that if I nothing happened?!_  Chloe would be proud, yet so disappointed in me, all while laughing under her breath. As for Rachel... unpredictable.

Kate told me to wake her up if I woke up first, but technically, I was up all night. During that whole night, I saw the lights turn on in the hallway and some mumbled talking, but the door never opened. At least Victoria ignored Kate's door when hers was closed.

_Should I talk to Kate about it? How would I start that conversation? Hey, did we kiss last night? Ugh, that was weird!_

When I started to feel Kate shift around, I shut my eyes and pretended to still be sleeping. Kate was very cautious when she got up, moving herself around slowly. I felt her fingers gently brushing against my face, moving my bangs from my forehead. I was screaming on the inside from not being able to see what was going on.

Then, I started to hear... counting? Counting and gentle pokes on my cheeks. I fluttered my eyes open and was welcomed by Kate's face close to mine, quietly counting all the freckles on my face. I couldn't hold back a smile and she couldn't either. She kept counting though, now louder and more clearly. She was on number twenty-three.

I let her keep going until she was on forty and was poking against my neck.

"Good morning, Max." She greeted and sat up to stretch her arms.

"Morning, Kate." I sat up too, rubbing my eye and groaning out one last yawn. It didn't feel as awkward as I thought it was going to be. I got up and took my camera out of my bag, checking if I had enough film and got back into bed. Kate backed up a little bit, trying to get her out of the shot, but I wanted her to be a part of it. I put my arm around her and she covered her face with her hands as she got into the crook of my neck.

"No, Max, I look so bad!" I heard under her hands.

"Not even! If you look bad, I look like complete sh—garbage." I nuzzled into her. She eventually hid her eyes against my neck, but her smile was still prominent.  _That_ was enough for me. I knew I wanted to keep this photo for myself.

"You're so pretty, Kate." I said as the photo developed. That was all I could say; I still wasn't sure what happened last night.

She giggled, "Thank you, you're cute too."

I sighed and placed the photo next to the one Kate had and swung my legs on the side of her bed. "You stay here. I need to talk to Chloe for a bit."

"Is she awake?"

"I'll wake her up." I got up and left into the living room, where Chloe was lying on her stomach, half off the bed and snoring quietly. "Chloe!"

I started to shake her around and hit her until she snorted. "Huh, I'm awake, fuck."

"Outside, we need to talk." I grabbed onto her arm and pulled her, making her fall onto the floor. Chloe got to her feet, hastily unlocking the door, and then slamming it behind us when we were both out.

"You know we were up at two AM, right?" Chloe took her hood off and showed her messy blue hair.

"I know, but something weird happened last night." I rubbed my forehead.

"Holy shit, you two fucked…" She gasped.

"No, Chloe! I don't know what we did! I wanted to kiss her forehead, but it didn't feel like her forehead, you know what I mean?"

She raised one eyebrow, but she was clearly deep in thought. "Did it taste like anything? Dead giveaway. Lip balm, chapstick, anything? And you know,  _lips._ "

I tried to remember. I was so lost and stunned that I could barely bring the memory back. "I don't know, maybe... A little strawberry?"

She quickly sighed and shrugged her shoulders, "Yep, you kissed her, dude. Well done."

"What?! A-are you sure?" I didn't even want to believe it. I couldn't have!

"Pretty sure, because pretty sure strawberry lotion doesn't taste good. You're in denial."

I folded my arms and let my head drop down in shame. It was bound to happen  _in the same day_ from talking about kissing so much! Kate seemed to be in a better mood, but was it from kissing me in the dark, just being with me, or some other third thing?

"Hey, you knew it was strawberry, so that means something." Chloe patted my shoulder.

I opened the door again and went back inside, only to be met with Victoria's glare and shiny, silk robe.

"You're just going to be loud…  _like you live here?_ " She placed her hand on her hip.

"It was hella important." Chloe answered nonchalantly.

"Didn't mean you had to be loud as shit about it!" Victoria spun around, her robe hitting our legs, and started strutting away, "God, made me get up just to remind me  _you_ two bitches are still here."

Chloe could only whip her two middle fingers out. As Victoria slipped back into her room, Kate poked her head out and said, "I still promise she's nice."

She rolled her eyes, "Right and I promise I'm a fucking dolphin."

Kate walked out, wearing a pair of bunny slippers and holding her sketchbook in her hand. "Would you two like breakfast? Well, it's early lunch now. Or we could go out and see some restaurants."

"We should go out." I suggested, "I'm sure Victoria would like her beauty sleep."

Chloe mumbled, "She's the fucking Beast, that's what she is..."

"I see you're feeling better." Kate smiled at her.

"Hella better!" She nodded and smiled back, even hopping a little.

"Okay, so you guys can go ahead and shower and get ready. I'll be out here practicing for little bit." She tapped her book.

"Actually, uh," Chloe interrupted, " _You_ should go first like last night. You live here after all."

"Oh, well," she shrugged her shoulders and put her book down on the coffee table, "Okay then."

Chloe and I sat down on the couch, sitting quietly and clearing our throats from how quiet it was. As soon as Kate walked across the living room, passing us and into the bathroom, Chloe grabbed the sketchbook and started looking through it.

"Chloe, what are you doing?"

"Just flipping through," she replied. "She's hella good at this. You should let her draw you naked sometime."

My interest peaked when she said that, so I couldn't help but scoot closer and peer over. Kate's style was very cartoon-y and appealed more to children's eyes, but her practice style was so realistic that if you told me they were photos, I would have believed it. She had a good grasp on drawing people, both clothed and not, and values and shadows. Eventually, we got back to when she drew me for the first time, sitting across from her and smiling like a goofball.

"Why does this look more like you than you look like you?" She leaned it more towards me so I could see it.

"Hell if I know. I just sat there; I didn't know she was drawing me at all."

"Oh shit, I skipped some pages." She flipped back a couple pages. I was confused and she looked like she was too. The pages were filled with  _smaller_ me's? Like, it was still my face, not as good as the bigger photo, but it was still  _me._  I was shocked to see them, because I thought the other one was the first time she drew me.

I remember her saying, "When I see something pretty, I have to draw it." or something similar. And we  _did_ meet before that happened, so...

The bathroom door opened and Chloe shut and threw the book back onto the coffee table. We sat together and she took her phone out, opening it to a random app so it didn't just look like we were invading her privacy. Kate was still drying her hair as she walked in.

"Alright Maxi pad, your turn." Chloe hit my arm with the back of her hand.

I almost argued, but let it go and nodded. I grabbed my clothes and headed over to the bathroom, thoughts of the sketchbook coming back to me. It was all I thought about the whole time I was in there! Maybe I kissed her, maybe she was drawing me way before we officially had a conversation, maybe Victoria fucking hated me, maybe Rachel could help but she had a life unlike all three of us. Maybe I imagined self-harm scars this whole time. And last, but certainly not least, maybe I found out that Kate always tasted like strawberries.

My whole shower consisted of those thoughts. Through my changing of clothes and other things, I eventually accepted every possible scenario, since I didn't know the truth and anxiety thought  _everything_ was right. I crashed into Kate as I left, causing awkward laughs and shy "excuse me's". As I walked away to sit on the couch, I was reminded of Rachel and how she rolled up the sleeves, so I did that.

"What do you want to eat, Max?" Chloe asked.

I shrugged, "I'll just go with what you two want. I'm not as picky as before."

"Hella true."

When Kate came back and Chloe went her turn, Kate started to practice and do general bases and poses. I couldn't help but watch her as she swiftly covered the page; I had to take my camera out for another photo. I really, really,  _really_ wanted to ask about everything I had stuck in my mind. But, that was all they were. Stuck up there and not going anywhere else but there.

Chloe's phone on the table started to vibrate. Rachel's face and her name in Chloe's phone "Baby" with a heart next to it popped up on the screen. I doubted that Chloe put that name in herself, but hey. Rachel must have found time to listen to Chloe's voicemail and wanted to talk. I decided to let the phone go; Chloe would love a voicemail from her too. Though, I knew she'll be pissed for a good minute.

"You're not going to answer for her?" Kate asked me, looking up from her book.

"Nope, I bet you, Rachel will leave something in return. Again, practically married. Or, "joined at the hip" as Chloe's mom said it."

Kate nodded and went back to drawing, "I wish I found the time to draw Rachel."

"Naked?" I asked that without thinking twice of it. It sorta just fell out of my mouth.

"If she's up to the task." Kate shrugged her shoulders. "I've seen quite a few naked individuals, so it wouldn't be as awkward as you think."

"I believe you."

Like I said, Chloe's phone lit up and Rachel had left a voicemail. And on cue, Chloe came out of the bathroom with pale blue hair and yet another hoodie, but it was one of those short-sleeved hoodies.

"Hey Chloe, Rachel left a message for you." I grabbed her phone and outstretched my arm to her.

"Like a text?" She grabbed it and was slightly surprised. "Oh, voicemail."

"Can we listen to it too?"

"I, uh, I guess?" She tapped a couple times on her screen and then sat down next to me. She placed her phone back on the table.

We were all silent as it started, "Hey Chloe, I'm bad at this too." She laughed at herself. "I've been listening to yours, so I'm sorry for not returning one until now. I love you too, even though we're apart again, I still somehow fall in love with you again and harder than the last. There's not a single thing out there that'll ever make me let you go... not even when the world's ending. And yeah, we're each other's pains, but that's just another reason why I love you. We saved each other, remember? I'm proud of you and I always miss you. Love you again."

Dog, I was so gay. I wanted to cry so badly, but Kate was doing that for me and Chloe had one tear fall down her cheek.

"I'm saving that forever." Chloe wiped away her tear and put her phone away. "So, uh... grub time or are we just sitting here?"

* * *

Our trip out wasn't the most interesting thing in the world. We all couldn't decide where to eat and, since Chloe didn't want to walk into Starbucks ( _she didn't tell me she quit already_ ), we settled on McDonald's. I nearly forget what I was worried about earlier. Nearly, because there were times I looked at Kate's face and I was reminded of last night. We even sat in McDonald's for a while after we finished, since Chloe and Kate were in a deep conversation about Kate's various talents, aside from being an artist.

"Oh, wow, violin and piano, that's hella crazy." Chloe seemed impressed.

"I honestly don't know which ones the hobby anymore." She laughed. "I know I'm going to school for animation, but playing music gives me the same feeling."

"That's cool." Chloe then lifted her hand up to her lips, but then became concerned and kind of-grossed out, "Shit, either of you guys have like chapstick or something?"

I reached into my pocket, but Kate was faster to reach hers and hand it over the table. It was one of those round ones and it was pink.

"Thanks," she twisted the cap open, "Oh wow, look at that, it's  _strawberry_."

She emphasized the last word and raised her eyebrows at me.

"It's what Victoria buys me. I asked once and she was like, "Blistex?" like she was disgusted."

"I feel like she's trying to change you."

"I think it's her way of helping me into a relationship. From my clothes to my hair, I don't mind it. It's how she's bonding with me."

"She really is like a cat, isn't she?"

Kate smiled and nodded.

When we finally left the restaurant, the manager had to kick us out, we sat in Chloe's car and had no clue where we were going next.

"I told my friends not to text or call or even come by to my apartment while you two were over. I still need to do homework, but I know you don't want to do that."

"Wait, are we going to church with you tomorrow?" Chloe asked like she was slightly afraid.

"You don't have to. I'll be gone for an hour and then I'll come back."

Chloe released a sigh of relief.

"No, Chloe, we should go with Kate. She's always going alone and it's not as boring as you think."

She glared at me in the rear-view mirror, "That's it, we're going back and you're doing homework."

"What are you gonna do then?"

"I dunno, bother you guys, bother Bitchtoria, listen to Rachel. I have hella shit to do."

* * *

And so, we did that. I groaned as I took my binder and books out of my school bag. Kate was acting the same as she always did and told me over and over, "If you need help, please let me know." We sat on the floor, or more like we both lied on our stomachs and rested on our elbows.

"Magic class is so boring..." I moaned and slammed my forehead into my notebook.

"It's just to get the general down. You don't have to take it though, so you could just stop if you want."

I lifted my head again. "Steph and Mikey are cool, so they're the only reasons why I'm still there." I continued, "I wish we could've done more things outside."

"I know," she sighed. "And I like what I'm wearing too." She tugged at her sweater.

"It's nice. I think it would look better if your hair was down."

"I'm looking down, Max. Long hair and looking down is annoying."

"I wouldn't know." I ran a hand through mine.

Kate's door was closed, but as we were getting back to our work, we heard, "Fuck you, Chloe!" outside the door.

"I guess she started with bothering Victoria." I snickered under my breath.

"I'm not surprised she did. I knew the moment she called her that name she was going to irritate her."

"That's Chloe for ya."

* * *

From day to nighttime, all we were doing was working on homework and talking to each other about small things or how tired we were. Of course, I was still thinking about the same things since this morning. By the time dinnertime began, I finally finished my notes on rituals in different cultures. Somehow, Kate was running through her assignments like they were nothing and she finished hours before. She even had time to practice on her violin and eat a snack so she can take her medication!

"Oh, my dog," I slammed my head down on my book again, "Wake me up when it's tomorrow."

"Alright then." Kate obliged and then I felt her hand run through my hair.

I lifted my head up again. "Talk about a knockout..."

We heard outside the door again, "Are you fucking serious, fuck off!"

"I don't feel like going out there again... Would it be gross to just lie down and die a little?"

"Maybe not die, but I do agree that I don't want to interrogate Chloe and Victoria outside." Kate got up, letting her hair go down, and got into bed.

"Different position or same?" Again, another question that just  _fell_ out of my face.

"Want to try a different one?" She asked back.

I hummed as I joined her, "I dunno, kinda liked the one we were in." I was lying down on my side and Kate turned towards me, lying down on her side.

"I liked it. I fell asleep pretty fast."

"Well... maybe..." I scooted down a little and then forward. I didn't think it through, as my face was pushed against Kate's chest and pretty much between her boobs. I put my arms around her torso and she hugged me around my neck. We pulled each other close at the same time.

"Is this good?" I asked.

"It's nice. Let's go with this one tonight."

"You got it." I had to get up and turn off the light, so getting back into that position again in the dark was harder to accomplish. It was very quiet and calm, luckily Victoria and Chloe had stopped fighting and, at the very least, Chloe stopped annoying her.

I fell asleep fast in that position, but after what felt like a couple minutes, I was awaken again from Kate whispering my name repeatedly.

"What's it like... to be happy all the time?" Kate asked out of nowhere. She must not feel well tonight. There was only so much medication could do. Hell, there was only so much  _I_ could do, but I wanted to help in any way I could. Even answering a deep question like that.

"All the time?" I repeated. "Happy is different to everyone."

"What's it like for you?"

I sighed and nuzzled more into her. "You want the honest answer?"

"Yes."  _I already said that I liked her. Why wouldn't I tell her that she makes me happy? Plus, it's what she needs right now. Honesty is what she needs._

"My happiness, right now is... how I feel when I'm around you. You make me feel good and being this close to you is more than I deserve. I don't take it for granted; I'm so happy existing here with you. And... maybe people out there feel that same way all the time."

Kate was silent. I could hear her sniffle a couple times before saying, "Right... Goodnight Max. Sweet dreams."

"Goodnight Kate. Don't be afraid to wake me up."


	43. Chapter 43

I woke up in the morning still resting against a warm body. I hugged it closer and tighter, not wanting to be awake.

"Jesus, Max, hold on any tighter and I'll die from lack of oxygen." That was not Kate's voice. My whole body shot back and my head looked up towards the voice, meeting blue eyes, not-really-blue hair, and an impressed grin.

"How did you get here?" I let go right away. I started to look around and, turns out, I was somehow in the living room, squished against Chloe. It was still Kate's apartment, though. So, really, how did I get there?

"Kate went to church. She woke me up about it," she stated, "And I didn't want you to wake up scared, so like a best friend would, I dragged you out of bed and kept Kate's space warm."

"Thanks, you big softie." I got out of her embrace and sat on the couch. She did the same, still glued to her phone.

"I saw Victoria leave too, so it's just us." She said. "And, I have a big plan for today."

"Oh," I cooed and grabbed a fluffy, white pillow from behind me and hugged it, "What is this big plan, oh wise one?"

"Dana told me we could totally hit up her boyfriend's tattoo shop today. It's near your school, that fucking blew my mind. She wanted to thank you for bringing her and Juliet together again and said she'll pay for all of it."

"Wowser, really? I don't know if I want her to pay for it..."

It sounded very nice of her and I was excited for a second, but I always thought Chloe or Rachel would be the one paying for my first ink. So, I almost felt guilty Dana wanted to pay for it instead.

"Come on, it'll be hella fun. You're getting your first tattoo and I'll be getting one with you. You know, so you don't puss out?"

"You finally thought of one?"

"Yep, but I'm not saying shit about it until after I get it. Do you want to come back here for one more night or do you want to head home?"

"Maybe since you decided today to get one..." I really wanted to stay over, just one more night, but we should go home so we could be in pain and suffer in our own place. "We should just go home again after."

"So you're pulling through with it? No bullshit? I can call and make the appointment official for tonight?"

I took one deep breath and with a confident voice, "Yes."

"Fuck yeah, show-me-the-car-Max. I'll be with you when you do. I'll even get mine first, so you could see it."

"No, I think I should go first just to get it over with."

"Good choice. You'll be okay, Max." Chloe then stood up and looked down the hallway. Specifically, Victoria's room. "We should totally break into that shit."

"What? Chloe, no, why—"

"Did you not hear me annoying the shit out of her? God, that was hella funny to do. But, she said something like, "Don't follow me, you punk creep. I have a party to set up.'" Chloe had put on a higher-pitched voice as she recited what Victoria said. I had to assume she was impersonating her but I couldn't help but laugh at it, because it sounded nothing like her. She went back to her normal voice, "Come on! Be my lookout and I'll pick the lock."

I sighed and let my head fall back. I just woke up. "Okay, fine."

Chloe hopped in joy and ran to Victoria's door. It seemed to be a plan she already had, since she had a paperclip ready in her pocket. I stood in front of her, my back in her direction, watching the front door for Kate or Victoria. I could hear Chloe jiggling the doorknob behind me, trying desperately to unlock it and get it opened once and for all.

"What the hell were you doing that made Victoria freak out that much?" I asked her as I leaned against the wall.

"Oh, you know, existing." She said. "Every time she came out of her damn room, my ass went ahead and messed with anything she got in her bathroom. I love to fuck with people and I'm just getting started." She made a grunting sound, "I'm in!"

I turned around and saw that Victoria's door was opened without a trace of it ever being tampered with. It was impressive yet slightly terrifying to know that Chloe somehow got better at picking locks. It only proved to me that Chloe will never stop surprising me.

"Right this way, your majesty." She said, flatly, while directing her arms into the room.

"Why, thank you." I walked into the room and was more... disappointed? More than shocked, for sure. White room, big ass portraits of herself, fancy expensive technology, and, lastly, one anime figurine on her table. It was the first one I saw, but on another table, the black bedside one, was a whole plethora of chibi characters of movies and shows she liked. I never took her to be the "nerdy" type, but she clearly loved anime. I recognized the first, being from that movie,  _Ghost in the Shell_ , and it was more realistic than the other ones.

She had three, floor-to-ceiling portraits of herself at a formal event, the beach, and just herself being herself hanging above another black couch. Another strange, but not surprising feature in her room was the perfect collage of photos next to her door of, not only herself again, but friends, family members, celebrities, and maybe some romantic interests. Of course, her queen-sized bed somehow fit in the tiny room, with a silky set of covers. Everything in the room felt so her.

"Does she need to see herself all the time?" Chloe grumbled. I wasn't sure if she was referring to the pictures or the huge fucking mirror next to the collage. I was willing to bet she was talking about both.

"Maybe she loves herself." I shrugged.

"Or insecure as fuck."

"We should get out then." I turned back to the door and stride out, nervously checking the front door again. It was still just us. "Before she kicks us out of the apartment for good."

"Whatever, but fine. Since you let me break in." She locked the door again from the other side and closed it behind her. "I have another hella crazy idea."

"You're just full of ideas, aren't you?"

"Life's boring when you do the same shit." Chloe fell back on the living room couch again, making a "thump" sound with her whole body. "Kate should come along with us."

"She kinda has to already," I sat next to her, replying to her with a smile. "She drew my tattoo design."

"You must really like her if you want her art on you forever."

"Didn't Rachel get a tattoo for you?" I reminded smugly. Ah, yes, Rachel went on for an eternity about how she got a star on her wrist just for Chloe. It was some promise for them to get out of Arcadia Bay when they could. Some promises were worth keeping, but that kind of commitment was a whole other level.

Chloe hummed, "That's hella different and you know it."

"How so, Chloe? I'm dying to find out."

It seemed a cat got her tongue. She snickered and messed with my hair. "Since when did you become a smart ass?"

"Ever since I met you again." I smirked at her.

The front door started to move and make some noises, eventually opening to reveal Kate in her formal wear and clutching a Bible to her chest. She almost seemed... unsettled. Not like she was running away from something or someone, but like she saw something she wasn't supposed to see. Or, hear something she wasn't supposed to hear. I was concerned and looked on with worry; Chloe had the same worried look too.

"Hey Kate," I greeted as lightly as I could. "How was mass today?"

"It was fascinating." Her mood changed slightly, but I could tell in her eyes, low and the bright hazel became a dim brown, she was hiding something. "The sermon was about how we always miss people we love and how we should never let communication dwindle over time. Comforting, right?"

First, it was the question she asked about happiness. Next, her words were not matching the forced smile on her face. I wanted to ask, but she was obviously uncomfortable and almost look like she could barely stand. I wanted to hold her and ask what was wrong, but I didn't want to offend her at the same time. Maybe she wasn't hurting and she was just tired?

"Kate, you're coming with us to the tattoo shop today? We could walk there, to be honest." Chloe changed the tense atmosphere.

"I've never been." Kate cleared her throat. "I was going with Max anyway to provide the design, so yes, I would love to come along."

"Have you thought about it? Getting tatted?"

"It was never a desire, but it would be a lie if I said that I never thought about it."

"You should consider it. It hurts, but it's hella worth it." She chuckled, yet it sounded so forced out.

"I'll consider a temporary first, before I commit."

"Right," Chloe snapped her fingers. "So, later tonight, meet Dana and her boyfriend, get tatted up, and we'll leave back home. Being here's nice and all, but pain is a "home" thing, I guess."

"I understand. Just let me know when we'll leave, okay?" She walked to her room with her head down.

Something was up and Kate was showing it. I couldn't control myself. I followed her in, grabbing her shoulder. "Kate, is something wrong?"

She turned around and looked at me with a look of disbelief. With a smile, she responded, "No? I'm fine."

That sounded forced too.

"You can tell me, Kate. Whatever is on your mind, I'm here."

Her smile faded, "I know, Max. Just let me think about it for a little longer, okay? I have a lot to do."

I nodded, understanding her, "Okay, I'm here whenever you need me..."

* * *

I stayed with Chloe as she continued to listen to Rachel's voicemail and whispering to me once in a while to mention how fucked up Victoria's room was. It wasn't so fucked up but more why does she have so many pictures of herself? I couldn't help but check up on Kate, who simply had her head in her sketchbook and was distracted and busy, that Chloe and I were able to shower and change without her stopping. We even put all our stuff back in Chloe's car trunk, all without Kate turning around to look. I couldn't help but stay worried for her. She seemed even worse than after our Spring Break.

The last thing before we left, because Chloe told me to, was to eat and drink something. Passing out was a possibility and she didn't want that to happen to me.

"Hey, Kate..." I knocked on her door to let her know I was there. "We're gonna go to the place now."

"Oh, uh, coming, let me just fix some things on this." She referred to her book and went back to working. I haven't left until she said, "Okay, done, let's go."

We all walked together to the shop, called Moth Dagger, which was a good seven minutes away by car. We decided to take the short drive, so Chloe and I could just drive home after. Kate sat silently with her sketchbook on her lap, her hands interlocked together on top of it and looking out the window with the same distant look.

_Did I do something wrong? I hate to make Kate upset again, but she shouldn't be afraid to tell me things, right? Did my answer last night make her upset? I have to do something about it... But, what do I do?_

We parked in front of the shop, small but with a large and eye-catching sign, right next to a corner laundromat. The red-and-blue "Open" sign shined bright in our eyes and a big decal of a moth was plastered on the window. I could even see inside that Dana was already there, talking to two men on the couches by the window.

"Alright, here we go." Chloe got out right away and I followed behind. I stayed back for a little so Kate could catch up. We walked inside, welcomed by light brown wooden floors, about a million different framed pictures of designs and ideas on the walls, and two men, one with two gray-scale sleeves and a long beard and one with one big tat on his neck and glasses.

"Hey you two!" Dana approached and hugged me and Chloe at the same time. "Glad you could make it!"

"I'm hella pumped for this!" Chloe smiled widely.

Dana let go of both of us and looked back at the guy with the neck tattoo. "Alright, babe, they're all yours."

"Alright," he went around the counter and held his hand out, "Hey, nice to meet ya. So, you're getting your first tattoo today, right? Have you eaten or taken any precautions for that?"

We all shook his hand. Looking closer, his neck had a picture of a very-realistic owl in side view. He was also wearing a green plaid shirt and had a comb over hairstyle ever guy nowadays seemed to have. But, he came off pretty friendly and I could tell Dana was very happy with him.

"I did," I nodded. My heart suddenly throbbed and my hands started to shake, causing me to grab my own wrist to stop it. I had to be strong and act grounded.

"Would you like to go first?" He asked. "We'll sit down, talk about what you want, and we'll get you ready."

"U-uh..." I felt myself freeze up.  _Nevermind, I couldn't go first. I felt like passing out right then and there._  "Chloe! You should go first!"

Chloe raised an eyebrow, but nodded, "Yeah, I have pretty small one to get, so it won't take long."

"Sure," he nodded and waved his hand, "Come and sit, let's talk designs then."

Kate had her book open and ready when we sat down, saying, "Max wanted me to draw one out for her. Here's what she wants."

She handed her book over and he looked impressed, "Your attention to detail is amazing. You go to that art school, don't you?"

"We both do. Max is more of a photographer, though."

"Nice! So, for you," he redirected to me, "Since it's your first, would you mind multiple sessions with me? It's a big piece and I wouldn't want you to jump in."

"No, I would love to do that. To finish it in stages." I answered. "It's going on my right back of my shoulder, if that makes sense."

"Ah, right on the shoulder blade." He smiled as he returned Kate's book. "What about you, Chloe, was it?"

"Yeah, um, I looked into getting another sleeve for my left arm. But then, I thought about one thing that I wanted and it'll be the only thing on it. So, just a star on my wrist." She pointed on her arm where she specifically wanted it and, suspiciously, it was the same spot Rachel happens to have her own star tattoo.

"Alright, sounds good to me," He clapped his hands together, "Chloe, you first then."

They walked off to one of the four black reclining chairs in the shop, leaving me and Kate on the couch. We could hear Chloe and him joking around with each other as he started to set up his tools around him.

"How are you feeling, Max?" Kate placed her hand on my shoulder.

"A little scared?" I cleared my throat. "I can do it. I got this. I'll just focus on anything else but hundreds of needles stabbing me."

"You'll do great."

Dana had come around and sat next to me, "You'll be fine! I'll hold your hand if you want."

"Thanks, but Kate and Chloe have that covered." I chuckled. "Are you sure you're okay with paying for this?"

"I'm sure! I'm so happy that you brought Juliet and I back together, so let me handle the money part." She pulled me into another hug. "Can't I just do something nice for an awesome friend?"

I finally gave in to her, "Fine, fine. You win, Dana."

"Glad you finally see it my way." She let go of me and sat normally again. "You got this, Max! Chloe looks like she's already done."

I looked over and Chloe was walking over again with saran wrap around her wrist. She said with a smile, "Your turn, Max! He'll get a stencil ready, so just sit over there and try to relax." She held her other hand. I grabbed it and she dragged me all the way to the same chair she was just in.

"That didn't take long at all." I said with a nervous chuckle.

"It was nothing compared to this shit." She referred to her sleeve. "I'm going to stay by your side, so if you pass out... and Rachel wanted a video."

"Wait, like, video chat?"

"I asked and she said she needs to sleep for an interview thing tomorrow."

"Great, she's going to wake up to me crying."

"Maybe, but it's okay! It'll be over before you know it so suck it up buttercup!"

I had to sit on a different chair, since my stomach had to be pressed against it and my cheek rested against the headrest thing. Taking off my shirt, I was both embarrassed and a little cold. Little to no warning, Chloe unhooked my bra and I was forced to stay in that position to not accidentally reveal myself. Kate seemed to have disappeared, but I was sure she was just working with the artist on the outline.

"This is it, Max." Chloe remarked with joy.

"Yup," I forced a laugh. "You're gonna leave once you get your video, aren't you?"

She scoffed, hella offended, "I fuck around with people, but you're my best friend! I won't leave, promise."

I let out a deep exhale as I pressed forehead against the leather chair. There was another peptalk going through my head, making myself as confident as possible before it started.

_You got this, Max. This is something you really wanted for a while! It'll be over before I know it..._

However, no matter how ready I thought I was, once I saw him and Kate again, my body was instantly tense and every relaxed muscle in my body contracted and frozen in place. My mouth even started to water, like I was getting ready to barf my organs out. Hell, maybe my skeleton and soul too!

"Alright, Max," he started as he sat down and put blue gloves on. "Are you ready?"

I nodded and gripped the chair I was on, head down, and eyebrows furrowed together. I could feel him cleaning the area where my tattoo will go, along with a piece of paper being pressed against it and slowly peeling it off.

"This is gonna look fucking awesome." He praised.

"You'll look so badass, Bat-Max." Chloe awed.

"That looks so cool!" Dana had come over and watch me cry too, it seemed.

"Okay," he continued, "I'm gonna start. Just let me know when it's hurting, 'kay?"

I nodded rapidly. I wanted it over already!

I heard the whirring and buzzing sound of the tattoo gun and, for the first minute, it wasn't so bad. There was discomfort, but I was practically digging my nails into the chair. Then, the pain kicked in. Like a cat that just won't stop scratching you. It felt like that pain was lasting forever and it was like getting deep scratches continuously. I could feel that the shape of the doe and the camera was there, but the little flowers hurt way fucking more.

The pain then lead to a stinging one, as he was running the gun against my shoulder blade. I was clenching my teeth together and held my tears in, deciding now I didn't want to give everyone the satisfaction of my pain.

"You're doing hella good, Max." Chloe said.

I reached my hand out aimlessly, "I need someone's hand, anyone's!"

"I got you, dude!" Chloe exclaimed and grabbed my hand. All my strength seemed to go to it as I squeezed the life out of hers. "He's almost done."

"Fuck!" I couldn't help but get that out, at least. It was forced through my teeth, but I sucked in a whole breath of air as this went on for another half hour.

"Okay, Max," he said as he turned his tattoo gun off and wiped a paper towel on my back over my fresh and kinda wounded ink. "You're officially tatted."

I finally lifted my head again, the shop's lights burned into my pupils and I was more dazed than anything. I felt like I was on a high of some kind, like the ink had already sunk into my brain.

"It looks fucking sick, dude." Chloe was almost happier than me; she even had a little bounce in her step.

"It looks amazing, Max." Kate smiled at me.

"You did great!" Dana rubbed my back to comfort me. She must know that my back feels like it was on fire. It changed into burning, tender sensation.

Between this chair and the one on the other side of the room was a full-length mirror from floor to ceiling. I got up, holding my bra to my chest and with the help of Chloe, Kate, and Dana holding me steady, and was able to admire the lineart he started. It was exact to Kate's design and I couldn't see a single flaw in it.

"Holy shit..." was all I could mutter.

After wrapping myself in saran wrap and getting my shirt back on, Dana went ahead and paid for our tattoos in full and even told Kate if she wanted one, she'll pay for that too. She politely declined, but said she'll think about it.

"Hope you two will heal fast." Kate wished us before we parted ways.

"Thanks, Kate. I'll text you when we're home, okay?" I weakly hugged her and she did back, cautiously placing her hand on my lower back. We split and she waved one last time before turning and walking home.

* * *

During the car ride, I had to sit in an odd position to keep my tattoo from pressing against the seat. Chloe kept talking about how "hella awesome" I was and how well I got through. I was only half-listening, but I quietly thanked her.

Chloe insisted on carrying all our backpacks up and I'll stay in our apartment, so she gave me the house key and I rode the elevator up.

I was never as happy as now to see this place. The apartment made me feel bad, even after all this time when Chloe has been able to pay it and all its bills. But now, I truly felt like I was home.

I sat down on the couch arm rest as I sent a quick text to Kate that we were home.  **Me: Hey, just got back.**

Chloe had somehow brought all our bags up in one trip and immediately threw them on the couch.

"We should leave the wrap on for another hour before we start caring for it." Chloe fell back on the couch and groaned. "What do you think? Like, your first tattoo experience."

"It's an experience." I chuckled. "But, I kinda want another one now. I dunno what, but it's definitely a possibility."

"They're hella addicting, I swear." She then looked at her own through the bandage the shop gave us. "Says me, who said I won't get any other tat on this arm."

"You should tell me about that." I said as I turned towards her, placing my feet on the couch cushion.

My phone vibrated, so I checked it and saw Kate text back,  **Good, how's your back?**

**Me: Still feels all tingly and still kinda burns.**

"Maybe  _after_ we take care of them."

* * *

"Okay, time to care for our new ink, Max." She announced as she walked into our bathroom and ran the bath's water. I only followed her mutely as I took my shirt off again, waiting for further instruction.

I watched as Chloe ran the water hot and unwrap the clear plastic from her wrist. Excess black ink started to wash away from her wrist, showing the black-lined star underneath. I should've known that she'll get one that involved Rachel. She continued to use soap and wash it under the hot water until she turned it off again and grabbed a paper towel and started to pat it to dry. Then, she opened the cabinet under the sink and took the little circle container labeled  _Tattoo Goo_ and applied the green ointment onto her new tattoo.

She then repeated the same thing with me. She helped me get the wrap off me, washing my back with soap with hot water, patting my tattoo dry, and putting the same green goo on me.

We then got ready for bed. I was stuck in shorts and pink bra with one bra strap off to give my tattoo air to breathe, and lied down on my stomach. I felt exhausted from breaking into Victoria's room, worrying about Kate, and from hours of just needles getting into my back and shoulder blade. I deeply sighed as sleep started to make my eyelids heavy.

Chloe got into bed, waking me up again as she bounced onto it. Lucky her, she was able to lie down on her back.

" _Now_ you should tell me why you got that." I scooted closer to her.

She smirked, "Rachel, duh."

"I know that, but I need more than just her name."

"Well, Rachel got her star tattoo because we promised to get out of Arcadia Bay together. Along with her bracelet for a while and the kiss,  _obviously_. I drew it on her with a black marker and then she got it permanently on her and... that was history, I guess. It was something she committed to after all that stupid shit she went through... You should have seen it, Max. I wanted it too because of that and... we had this talk one time. We were gonna leave, but then Rachel found out her mom wasn't her real mom." Her voice started to waver.

Chloe and Rachel have brought it up to me. They never got into it in full detail, but I knew enough to make a timeline of their crazy time together. Meeting Rachel at a Firewalk concert, skipping school together, being in a play together, kissing at night, meeting each other's parents, both getting nearly killed by crazy drug dealers, meeting Rachel's real mom, and the rest was just bliss. Then add me into the mix and now it was "two moms and their daughter."

"Rachel had this nightlight thing that made stars and we talked about how much she loved them." Chloe sighed wistfully. "She loved that they remind us how there's always so much more out there. And I dreamed of stars... all the time. I remember being in her bed and holding her... She cried so much, but I was there and she felt safe.  _We_ felt safe. I helped her find her mom, Sera, but it was the most wild shit."

She cleared her throat, continuing, "I don't want to talk about that shit right now. Her star was to promise that we'll leave Arcadia Bay together. Mine is to promise to just... never leave."

Rachel didn't talk about her family much. She never talked about her dad and not-mom, anyway. But, Sera, her real mom, was a true figure in Rachel's life. Rachel talked about her and how she went to rehab so she could finally be in her life again. That was probably why Rachel stopped doing drugs and alcohol when her career started up; To follow her mom's steps and strength. Maybe for herself, for her mom, but most likely for Chloe. She still went by Rachel Amber, though because, her dad did shape her into who she was, nonetheless.

I was going to say something, but Chloe had turned away to listen to her phone, which was a different voicemail. It was clearly Rachel's voice. I could hear it:

_"All I ever say anymore is I love you. It's enough for me to say and to hear from you. My manager says I'll be able to go back soon after I do some auditions for movies and do more classes to not beat the shit out of strangers."_ She laughed, light and amused.  _"I can't wait to see you. I have so much to tell you when I get there. Can't wait to see your new tat. I just want to... hug you? I feel hella cheesy for saying that. Anyway, I had some extra time and decided to send you another voicemail to let you know how I am. Miss you a lot."_

Chloe then turned her head to me, slow and eyes starting to feel with tears, but they looked more happy than sad.

"Don't look at me," I shook my head, rubbing against my pillow. "Send one back."

Chloe cleared her throat and tried to call Rachel. Of course, it went to voicemail and so she started her message: "Hey, Rachel. I just got home from the ink session. Sorry if the video of Max wasn't as funny as you thought. I can't wait to see you too. I've been sober for days now... Are you proud of me? We're hella cheesy now, but hugging is something I want, too. That would be enough right now. Miss you more. Love you."

She ended the voicemail and tossed her phone between us, "Max?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm whipped as fuck." She said with a giggle.

"Um, I think the word is "married.'" I teased and then heard my phone on my computer desk vibrating. I got up and checked it. Somehow, the time was midnight and Kate had gone back to her old habits and called me. I answered it as I left the bedroom, hearing Chloe listening to a voicemail behind me.

"Kate? Are you okay?" I asked, rubbing the back of my neck.

"I'm sorry to bother you at such a late hour." She sounded like she just woke up.

"It's fine, really. What's up?"

"I just had another question to ask you."

"Fire away." My heart was pounding in my chest as I waited for her to ask.

"What would you do... if your memory was foggy? Like, you remember as one thing, but then it suddenly changes? Or, there's no recalling it at all? It's just  _empty space_."

"What brought this on?" I countered. I needed a little more context than that.

"I asked you that question and earlier today, before I got back, talking about all of the things about connection and keeping relationships and… I decided to call her again. I'm having weird flashbacks. Please answer my questions."

"Then, talk it out? Go to your therapist or do you want to tell me first? What did she say? What happened?"  _I can't stay calm anymore. I can't. Forget the pain, forget the kiss, forget breaking into Victoria's room._

"I don't know if she loved me... or hurt me, this whole time."


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Trigger Warning- Implied sexual assault

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Kate was so happy when she told her story about that girl. She even laughed when she said it was bad! She looked comfortable to say it all aloud and she talked about her so positively. She even still loved her to this day…

"Wha—K-Kate, what do you mean if you were hurt?" I leaned against the dining table, gripping it with my free hand.

"I just wanted to speak with her again and catch up. It started out fine, but then it started to escalate… She was talking fast, but she said she wanted me to know the truth. I didn't know what she was talking about, but she kept going on and on. Except for our first time, she pressured me or forced me to do it more. Then she said she begged and convinced me that it was a good thing."

I couldn't make any words. Everything I wanted to say turned into a heavy breath.

"I suddenly started to remember some of those times. But, I've believed this whole time that she loved me and would never hurt me… What if she was joking with me? It's not funny, but maybe it's some elaborate—"

"Kate, that's not something to joke about." I had to stop her. She was violated and then gaslighted into thinking it was okay.

I saw Chloe peek her head out the door, saying, "Hey, you alright?"

I shook my head and said to Kate, "Do you want to talk about what you remember? We could meet in person if you prefer."

She was quiet until she said, "Yes, let's… let's meet on Tuesday. I need time to put it all together."

She hung up first, before I could say bye. I hung my head back and huffed, overwhelmed by everything I just heard.  _Who could help in something like this? Her friend shouldn't have told her so suddenly, then again, it was probably eating away at her too. Did that "friend" really think of Kate as her friend? It sounded like she just used Kate for her own personal needs and forced her to care this weight she didn't know she was carrying._

"I couldn't sleep," Chloe was at the door again. "What's happening with your girl?" She went into the room as I walked back too. I fell stomach first on the bed with a groan. I felt her get into bed, bouncing me a little. "How bad is it?"

"Can I ask you a serious question?" I slid my hands under my pillow and rested my cheek on it, facing towards her.

"Shit, does she have a drinking problem too?" She raised her eyebrows.

I chuckled, "No, but… she has a violating problem. Maybe a memory problem, too."

"Holy fuck… What happened?"

I hated to admit anything Kate found personal to Chloe, but she was the only one I could talk to. Kate trusted her and I was sure Rachel would want to try and help. I had to. "Don't tell Kate you know this?" I held my pinky out.

She immediately hooked it around mine, "You got it."

"When Kate was a senior in high school, she lost her virginity to a girl she was friends with. She sounded so happy to talk about that girl and was laughing about the experience, but the rest of the story was short. She said they never officially dated or asked about it, it was a thing they were doing for the whole school year. They stopped when it was graduation."

"That doesn't sound like something Kate would do." Chloe shifted in position to lie towards me on her side. "I mean, don't get me wrong, there's people out there with friends with benefits, but I doubt Kate of all people would have one."

"I didn't want to question it." I shook my head. "Anyway, she decided to call her earlier today, who then admitted to forcing Kate to have sex and made her believe it was all okay. Like, it was normal, you know? Some of those memories came back to her as they are, but she can't convince herself that they're negative."

"Holy shit…" Chloe mumbled. "She was—"

"Yeah," I answered, interrupting. I couldn't say or hear that word. It made me sick to my stomach and left a horrible taste in my mouth. I never had any friends or knew anyone at all who went through that, but knowing Kate did made me want to vomit.

"We have to kill this bitch." Chloe sat up. "Where the fuck is she?!"

"Chloe." I sat up too, folding my legs, "We can't just hunt her down. Plus, you have work, I have school, and I have to be there for Kate. We can't just up and leave."

"Since when did you care about class? Especially these classes?" She sneered. "You said they fucking sucked."

I sighed. Kate won't be able to go and find it out for herself. She fell apart and I knew she was crying right at this moment. I wanted to hug her and make her smile again. Maybe my answer to her question the other night reminded her of some things, but strongly ignored them.

"I guess I could call some of my friends to tell me about the homework." I shrugged.

"Maybe not," she snapped her fingers, "We could follow what we did at Kate's. Leave on Friday and stay until Monday. I'll miss work, but you don't have to miss a single shitty class."

Chloe's phone started to ring. The familiar rock song that played as Rachel's call blared loudly. She grabbed it right away and answered, "Babe?"

"Oh, shit!" Rachel was surprised, but was laughing. "I didn't think you would answer. I thought I was going to leave another message."

Chloe changed it to speaker phone, "Max is here. She can hear you."

"Hey Max!" Rachel greeted. "How's school? Saw the video, you did hella good for your first."

"Thanks," I chuckled, "School's whatever. Boring classes this quarter."

"It's like that sometimes. I shouldn't be shocked you two are up. I'm up at three in the morning. I'm supposed to sleep for the schedule tomorrow."

"So, why are you up?"

"Well, I was listening to Chloe's voicemails and then felt like talking to you again. I'm not complaining, though." She laughed again. "I did listen to the new one too."

"Yeah, I'm happy to be talking to you." Chloe had an ear-to-ear smile on her face.

"Chloe, I am happy for you! You're taking care of yourself and, even without the drugs and alcohol, you're still Chloe fucking Price. I actually still have that shirt you decided to get us."

"What shirt?" I leaned to Chloe.

"Oh, my shirt says "I'm Chloe fucking Price" and hers says "I'm fucking Chloe Price.'"

"You got that for her?"

"One-year anniversary," she nodded, "Don't worry, she got ones with her name instead the next year."

"They're my favorite!" Rachel added. "I'll wear it when I go to my anger management classes."

"Uh, hey, could we maybe Skype or something? There's this hella insane thing happening to Kate and we might need a little help over here."

Rachel went quiet for a second then said, "Sure. My manager finally left me alone. Give me one second, yeah?"

She hung up and I grabbed my laptop from my desk. It was low battery, so I plugged it in and flipped the lid open, our eyes burned from the high brightness it was left on."

The Skype incoming call started to jingle and Rachel's picture popped up on the screen. It was a bet from a long time ago, but long story short, the picture was of them two making out (clearly with the visible tongue) and her name was Rachel "I'm Gay for Chloe" Price.

_They're so fucking married._

Answering it, Rachel was still looking at her phone, hair up in a bun, wearing a black tank top while fanning herself with her other hand. It reminded me that I still wasn't wearing a shirt; I threw on the one I wore to sleep in.

The connection was strong, so I could see a visible scar on her left arm she kept hidden. It was from the "being attacked by crazy drug dealers" story they both shared.

"Hey!" She put her phone down and waved. "So, are the tattoos a surprise or can I see them?"

"You could see Max's," Chloe pulled her sweater sleeve down. "Mine is worth the wait."

"I'll keep that in mind. I'll leave both as a surprise then." Rachel nodded. "What's going on with Kate?"

"Do you promise not to tell Kate you know?" I held my pinky up to the camera.

"Promise." She did the same.

So, I repeated the same story all over again from beginning to end. Rachel's face changed from shock, concern, and disgust as I explained the situation. The more I had to say the story, the more believable it became. The stranger it really was and how "not Kate" her actions and choices turned out to be.

"Was her first time not consensual too?" Rachel asked.

"I think it was consented to. The other times I'm sure are not." I felt something in my stomach come back up again from saying that.

"Are you guys going to find her?"

"I want to!" Chloe interjected. "I'll beat her fucking ass!"

"Or," I placed my hand on her shoulder, "We could just have a talk about it."

Chloe scoffed and rolled her eyes, "Make it a plan B at least."

"And make plan A what? To shoot her?"

"… Maybe."

"Chloe, we have to be the bigger person here!"

"I'm always the bigger person!"

"Alright, you two!" Rachel yelled. "Fuck, so what are you going to do? Really."

I nodded to Chloe so she'll answer. "We're thinking about driving out there. We'll go while Max doesn't have class, so she won't miss anything, but I think she should just ditch anyway. We could find this mystery girl, punch her fu—I mean...  _talk to her_ , and then we'll be on our way."

Now I was the one rolling my eyes.

"I would hate for you guys to go just to see a shit person. As much as I love sudden road trips and fighting people, you guys should think about it."

"I think it would be hella worth it." Chloe nodded. "Max wanted to take care of her anyway."

"I wish I could talk to her. I'm sure she needs someone right now."

Chloe and I mumbled "yeah." I felt bad for leaving Kate alone. I doubted she told Victoria her issues; she probably doesn't know anything.

After that conversation, we let Rachel talk.

"God, being a model could be fun sometimes and now I'm starting to be an actress. I'm hella tired and I actually miss being at Starbucks for hours."

"Hey, I don't work there anymore!" Chloe pointed out. "So, when you get here, we'll hang out together more and do things we actually want to do."

"I would do anything to do that right now." Rachel groaned. "I wish you were here! My job would be more exciting!"

"Maybe I could, if your manager liked me."

"She does like you! Just, we were supposed to be a secret, you know? She was just looking out for us and now you have paparazzi everywhere because of me!"

"So hella annoying…" Chloe grumbled.

The conversation trickled down to things like what we were doing at Kate's place and how Chloe successfully terrorized Victoria. We also admitted to breaking into her room, which Rachel laughed and congratulated us. She was more impressed.

Rachel suddenly gasped, "My mom's actually flying over to see me! She wanted to see for my birthday and I can't fucking wait!"

"That's hella awesome!" Chloe matched her excitement.

"I'll try to call you or something when I can that day. It's next month, I'm hella losing my shit!"

Oh right! Her birthday was later in July. But, it was another birthday where Chloe and Rachel weren't physically together. I wanted to ask, but I was the awkward third wheel. Maybe later.

"We should fucking sleep." Chloe murmured. "I'm stressed the fuck out."

"Actually, there was one thing I wanted to do." Rachel halted us. "Can I talk to Chloe alone? It's nothing bad or anything! I just want to ask about some things and some plans I've made."

I nodded, "Sure, I'll just sleep on the couch if you're going to fall asleep together again."

"… Maybe." Rachel chuckled.

"Fine with me," I grabbed the blanket sitting lazily on my office chair. "Goodnight, you two."

* * *

There I was again. On our shitty couch with no cushion and resting more on the metal parts than the actual couch. Every time I felt like I was starting to get used to it, I hit the underlying metal and it reminded me that it wasn't that great.

No matter how many food-centric shows I watched, Kate stayed on my mind. Even while I could hear Chloe and Rachel laughing and the TV on—Kate was the only thing I could fully pay attention to. I never thought anyone could hurt her, use her, take advantage of her. Especially not someone she trusted so much. Something strange was going on.

I pulled my phone out.  _Right, Matthew 11:28, it seems important enough to write down._ I looked at the results leading to a verse:  _"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Interesting. Note to self: she likes this verse._ I wanted to move, to search, go somewhere and find out what was happening rather than lying around. I had to stand up and pace, randomly opening drawers and the fridge, trying to find something to do or to play with for the time being. It wasn't exactly working, though, messing with everything was better than nothing. I didn't find anything too interesting, except for the one cabinet full of unopened bottles of liquor. It was pretty hard stuff like vodka and scotch, but it was obvious they were never touched.

I somehow ended up listening to Chloe and Rachel's conversation as I lied down on the couch again. Rude? Probably.

"No, it's pretty tough on my side too." That was Rachel.

"I hate that," Chloe replied. "I wish I knew what to do to make you feel better."

"You existing is enough to make me feel better. You feel that way too, right?"

"You're right. That does make me feel better."

"But, were you okay in the first voicemail? You sounded, I don't know, hella sad?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, Victoria just happened to have the magazine Max helped with. I couldn't help but say something. I'll put the photo right on my wall."

"So cute of you to do, both the message and the poster." Rachel laughed. "I always have mine too: the one Max took of you in Long Beach. Then again, I see you all the time, like on my phone background, all of my profile photos, my Skype, physical pictures… It kinda does feel like you're here."

"Don't tell me you put another picture of us on your Insta-whatever." Chloe groaned.

"I don't even remember," she laughed at herself again. "Can't be helped, baby."

I decided to check it for myself, searching for Rachel's account and saw she did post a picture of her and Chloe yesterday. It was an older picture, since Chloe's hair wasn't blue yet, and definitely the night of that Firewalk concert. Chloe said something about getting punched in the eye, but was "hella worth it" as she put it.

"But… how hella awesome does "Rachel Price" sound?" Chloe asked out of the blue. "Because of your Skype name."

"That you put." Rachel reminded. "You don't think Chloe Amber sounds nice?"

"Rachel AmberPrice?"

Rachel hummed, "I think I'll go for Rachel Price. I might even change it right now!"

"I dare you," Chloe challenged. "I double dare you!"

_Fucking criminal to talk like this, but still claim they don't want to get married._ I shook my head at this conversation escalating, somehow in a good way. It was nice to listen to, because over time, their relationship was becoming healthier.

"Maybe I will!"

"I love you!"

"I love you too!" She paused. "Bitch!"

"You're a bitch!"

_Well, healthier, but they're still the same. My moms are so fucking weird._

* * *

_May 5, 2015 12 AM_

_There's so much to say. I keep forgetting to write in this journal. I never see it anymore, so I forget. So, recently, Chloe, Rachel, and I have all figured out we needed help and we're now fixing ourselves to become better and healthier. It's not easy; it never is. Chloe was so drunk recently she threw a bottle at me and it was covered on the wall. Next thing I knew, she jumped at me and started to hit me against the floor, yelling and crying at me. Writing it down feels so surreal. Rachel and I are her driving force to sobriety. I'm relieved she knows now and I don't have to hold it in anymore. Now, Kate… she told me something recently. I hate the thought and just the word makes me fucking sick. I want to be with her all the time and help her through this. I wish I can._

* * *

"Oh, shit," Rachel said with shock and surprise, "My manager came back. Shit, I have to go! I love you, don't get fucked up, but if you do they gotta get got, and can't wait to see you soon!"

I ran back to my couch and acted like I was just watching a grown man trying to cook food in an Easy-Bake Oven and tiny tools.

I heard the door open and she just yelled, "Come back inside, that couch is garbage!"


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Trigger warning- Implied self-harm

I carried coffee and cake pops, wanting her to feel better. However, I knew it wouldn't do much good. I saw her sitting on the curb, covering and hugging herself in a big sweater, looking off into space. I wasn't sure how to greet her, except to approach and let my shadow let her know I was there.

She smiled up at me, but it was fake. "Morning, Max."

"Hey Kate," I smiled back and sat next to her, "I brought breakfast. I mean, coffee and a dessert."

"Thank you." She took the coffee from me and sipped it, but rather than smile from its warmth, she just looked downwards.

_I hate to bring it up. She might not want to talk about it anymore. But, it wouldn't hurt to ask._

"Are you ready to talk about it?" I scooted closer.

Her eyebrows furrowed and her jaw clenched together. "I remember…" Her voice was a low hush, like she was afraid of being heard. "I remember her hands always holding me, like on my arms or my mouth… sometimes my legs. I knew they hurt, but she told me it was okay. I couldn't see much, but it always happened at night. Sometimes, there were bright lights staring down at me. I could hear her voice, but it sounds so… distant."

Her voice was starting to break. She was confused and scared and she must feel the same loneliness and helplessness she was forced to forget. I could tell she felt disgusted, but was it with her or with herself? That, I wouldn't know. I was too afraid to touch her, to hug her.

"Max?" She gulped and looked at me: the darkness under her eyes were obvious and there was redness in her eyes.

"Yes?"

"After class, please come by to my apartment. It's… It's important."

"Of course, Kate." I lifted my arm on instinct, but stopped halfway. This time, she smiled, a weaker but genuine one, and scooted close for our bodies to touch and to rest her head on me. Her eyes closed, as if she wanted to melt onto me. I wrapped my arms around her, not caring for the food I brought.

* * *

"Thanks Steph, I really,  _really_ need those notes." I sighed in relief as I closed my notebook.

"No prob! What're seat buddies for, huh?" She chuckled at herself. Mikey wasn't in class today; he had something to do with his older brother. Steph and I continued our tiny games of tic-tac-toe, which I was luckier, and I won overall. She was really good at multitasking, while I was not paying attention at all, hence the notes.

"Uh, hey, Steph, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's up?" She crossed her arms. The look on her face was worry.

"Let's say a friend went through something and it really…  _really_ hurt them. And another person was the cause of it, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah." She nodded.

"So, what would you do? Like, to help them or something?"

"I would honestly go after whoever did it." She shrugged her shoulders. "I'd want to help my friend, of course, but if something alive did it, dude, I would honestly kill."

"I didn't think you would say that." I widened my eyes at her. "Do you secretly talk to Chloe?"

She laughed, "Nope, but I wish. Not to get to Rachel or anything, but she seems really cool!"

"I trust you. Maybe I'll arrange that someday." I chuckled. "One more thing, could I get your number? I thought it was weird to ask the other times."

"It's fine, Max! And yeah, for sure."

After we exchanged numbers, "Thanks. Anyway, thanks for your opinion too. I need to go see Kate right now, but I'll see you next class. Or I'll text you."

"See you next class or text, Max."

I headed out and went on the short, yet longest walk to Kate's dorm.  _I dunno what she's gonna do or say… or show. Maybe she'll talk about Long Beach. I just want her to be honest with me. I wanna be someone she could always go to for help or anything at all. I don't even care if I see Victoria._

I knocked on her door and waited. It was a moment before it opened and it was Victoria. Except, her face was  _normal_. She wasn't scowling or annoyed to see me, but she was almost  _happy_ to see me.

"Katie isn't here yet." She opened the door wider. "I want to talk to you, unbelievably."

_Am I gonna die? Why does she need to talk to me? Is she gonna hurt me for what happened during the sleepover?_ I was confused, but I walked in anyway, sitting on the couch.

"I'm guessing you're here because she told you." She sat next to me. This was the closest we've ever been without the help of Kate.

"You know?"

"Max, I'm nicer than I act towards you two bi—" she cleared her throat, "you two."  _She's referring to Chloe, of course._

"We're roommates and we're a lot more honest with each other than you think." She crossed her legs, sighing, "Yes, I do know she's gay, and yes, I do know what she told you."

"I'm happy she reached out to others." I was relaxed with her, though my racing heart told me otherwise.

"Max, I don't hate you. I was annoyed by you, but not hate." She rolled her eyes, but she was telling the truth.

"Then, why did you act like you did?"

"I've seen your work before the magazine. I hate admitting this to anyone,  _anyone,_ but I was jealous. Tell people this and I will truly hate you."

"I'm not that good—"

"You have a perfect eye! If it wasn't, why would a magazine, Vanity Fair of all magazines, put your photo  _on the front page_? You're good at what you do and I wish I had that."

"T-thank you." It felt weird being complimented by her, but it turned out, she liked me after all. "I'm sure your work's great too! I mean, I haven't seen it but—"

"That's beside the point." She interrupted me. "I pulled you in here because Kate's going to show you something and… you have to prepare yourself."

"Why?"

"Just…" she gripped my shoulder. "Prepare yourself."

I nodded, unsure of what to do.  _Okay, I guess I'll prepare? But, for what?_

"And," she reached into her pocket and groaned, rolling her eyes in the process, "here's my number. If you get anything on that girl, let me handle it."

"Are you gonna shoot her? Like Chloe would?"  _Wowser, two numbers in one day._

"I want to, but of course she's annoying enough to want that."

"Do you hate her?"

"… No." She shook her head.

The front door was unlocking and it opened, revealing Kate. She was surprised, it showed in her eyes, to see us together, sitting,  _talking._ But, she smiled, "Are you guys getting along now?"

"No." Victoria stood up and left the room, shutting her door loudly.

It was silent, not awkward or tense, just… silent. Kate was hesitant, making me waver how prepared I was. I wouldn't want her to feel like she was forced to do this or I was eager. So, I waited. She deserved it on her own terms.

"Do you want to go in my room?" She asked. I nodded and I followed her in, another slow journey. "I apologize for it being a mess."

It wasn't messy, but it was dark. Her window was closed, there were a few clothes scattered around, but her mirror… she covered it with a shirt.

I dropped my backpack next to her bed. As she shut the door, the room became darker. She put her backpack down, her back still turned to me.  _Okay, she'll just lift her sleeves and it'll be over. It had to be her arms._

I was still close to the door, unsure of what to do. She approached me, still avoiding making eye contact with me. Her fingers were touching the end of her sweater.

"Kate?" I whispered. She looked into my eyes, but didn't say a word. "You don't have to do this."

She looked downwards again, her face contorted in anger. She lifted her sleeves up, revealing scars covering from her elbow to her wrists. She kept her eyes down at them, staring at them. Her lips quivered and, when she looked into my eyes again, they were watery, full of tears. Some of the scars looked healed, white and feathery looking, but most looked new and they were scabbing. There were a few still covered in bandages and tape.  _Of course. The old ones were covered in makeup. I'm a stupid idiot for not figuring that out._

_I can't say anything. I don't think she wants to hear a word._ I lifted my arms, she responded in a flinch, but she stopped, inching into my space, folding her arms in and hiding in my shoulder. I embraced her, not tightly, but enough to let her feel warm. Her shoulders shook and she was sniffling, still avoiding letting any cries out.

She pulled away, only to press her forehead onto mine. Her breath was shaky and waterfalls were falling out of her eyes. She needed this. She needed a real connection.

"I feel like such an idiot…" She kept her eyes tight. Her voice was hoarse.

"Don't," I matched her volume, "None of it is your fault."

"She never cared, Max." Her head dropped to my shoulder again. "The vision, the sounds, the feelings… they never stop showing up. I can't focus, I can't sleep… I'm—I'm in a nightmare and I can't wake up." She released a deep, shaking exhale. "I can't look at myself anymore. I feel like she's always around me."

"It's just me, Kate."  _I'm trying to be helpful. I hope she can tell._ "Nothing here wants to hurt you. Everyone here: your friends, your sisters you told me about, me, Chloe, Rachel… even Victoria care about you. You're important to all of us."

She couldn't look at me anymore. She was crying more.

"'Come to me, for all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.'"

This opened the floodgates in her. She pressed harder into my shoulder, letting out the choked up groans and sobs she was holding in. "T-that's my favorite one…"

"You're worth it, Kate. I care about you a lot and I want you to be happy. I'd stay here for an eternity if it meant it made you feel better."

"Max…" She stammered as I felt her hand move. I let my hand down and she held onto mine, a firm grip around my fingers, "I'm sorry…" She sniffled once more and through a choked whisper, "I'm sorry."

"Why? You got me out of doing my homework." I wanted to joke around with her, hoping she would laugh. I semi-regretted it as soon as it left my mouth.

And she did.


	46. Chapter 46

**Me: Why did you lie to Kate about us liking each other now?**

**Victoria: I don't know! I freaked out! I know she would feel better if I told the truth. A bitch fucks up sometimes.**

**Me: Sometimes.**

**Victoria: Shut up, Caulfield.**

**Me: Btw, I was not ready.**

**Victoria: I'm with her right now. I would never let someone sleep on me, but I haven't seen her sleep this good in a long time. Your talk must have worked.**

**Me: I hope so. I hate to leave her, but we have a mission to do.**

**Victoria: I'll try to snoop around. I'll send you deets if I find anything.**

**Me: Thanks.**

Chloe made me take the bus once again. I didn't say anything about it, as she made me take it before, but she was in a better mood today. So much better, it was like she didn't have a mental breakdown not too long ago. I could only wonder what she was doing or what she did to make her feel that way, but again, I didn't ask about it.

After the bus ride and getting through about five songs, I was back at the apartment again, went up the elevator and went to the room.

I expected to see my blue-haired best friend-slash-mom when I walked in. Instead, Chloe had cut it short again, the same way for the photoshoot, and dyed it jet black. It was… different, to say the least. I was used to her blue hair!

"Whoa, your hair looks so… dark." Was all I could say.

"My hair wasn't blue anymore, so I was like, "dude, fuck it, I work in the dark now. It doesn't matter what the hell I do.'" Chloe stood up from the couch and spun around to show off her new 'do.

"Has Rachel seen this?" I asked, reaching up to touch and fix her stray hairs.

"Not yet," she shook her head. "She's been hella busy and she said today was worse."

"Any special occasion for doing that?"

"Nope, I just wanted to dye it black. I might throw in some blue again, but—" She does a little hop and swayed her arms around, "I'm hella into it."

"Then," I took my camera out of my bag, "time for another photo op."

Rachel would love a couple of these Polaroids. It was just Chloe being Chloe, flipping the camera off with both her hands and getting into some poses she had to do for the photoshoot (she was really into showing off her jawline). I waved them around to develop and then handed them to her.

"I look badass." Chloe smirked at herself as she flipped through the new photos.

"You look hella badass." I added.

She chuckled, placing the photos on the coffee table, "So, what happened at Kate's?"

I paused, reminding myself with everything that happened. I sighed, letting all my breath leave my lungs. "You better sit down for this."

After doing so, I explained it all. From Victoria admitting to liking us, to Kate's reveal, and to the plan Victoria and I semi-made. She was shocked, but smirked when I was done at the end.

"That's a hella lot of shit to think about. One, I can't believe Bitchtoria likes us, two, I can't believe Kate self-harms, and three, holy shit, I can't believe Bitchtoria likes us."

"Stop calling her that. We're  _friends_ now. This is happening because we want to help Kate."

"Speaking of help, this might be a hella crazy idea, but I really think that going back to Arcadia Bay would be good."

I nodded, slightly nervous, "What's your idea?"

Chloe sighed, looking down at the ground and folding her arms, "I think we should see my mom."

I took a step back; that was the last answer I expected.  _I didn't expect her to call her "mom." We haven't seen her since we left a year ago._  We said our goodbyes and couldn't visit them because of things like weather and finals. Her mom was sad to see us go, but she really did promise to not really contact us. Thinking about that, it was a bad idea.

"You wanna see Joyce?" I asked for reassurance. "Where did this come from?"

"If I'm going to actually, you know, grow the fuck up," Chloe raised her gaze to look directly at me, "then I should talk to her. I put my mom through so much shit and I'm sure she'll be happy about hearing me say "hey, I'm going clean.'"

"That's very mature of you, Chloe."

She shrugged, "Plus…" She took a deep breath, "I just really want to see my mom again. Maybe she could offer some advice! I never wanted to hear about them before, but I want them now."

"What about David?"

"I don't really care about him." She rolled her eyes. "But… I guess I could ask him too."

"Right," I pressed my lips to stop the smile forming on my face, "Are we still going to look for Kate's—"

"Duh! We'll do that still! I still wanna do that."

"Okay, good, the sooner we do this, the sooner Kate can start healing and be happy again." I took my messenger bag off my side, dropped it next to the couch, and sat down, nearly landing on the metal. "So, when are we going?"

Chloe sat down next to me, sucking air through her teeth as she slowly started her sentence, "How does tomorrow sound?"

I gave her a look like I was saying "are you fucking cereal?" With my heart racing in my chest and my hands freezing, I shook the nervousness off me like misquitos. "Tomorrow, for sure?"

"Yep."

"Does Joyce know?"

"… Nope. I wanted to surprise her, I guess. I'm full of that shit, you know?" She punched me in the shoulder.

"I know that." I punched back. We shared a laugh as we looked at each other. It eventually died down until we simultaneously fell back, letting our backs rest against the couch.

"Rachel doesn't know either, doesn't she?"

"It's an idea I came up with after Rachel had to go. I came up with a lot of shit when I had to drag you back into the room."

"Okay, but promise me you'll do therapy through the phone, at least. I'm glad you're going and all, but we need to keep talking to them."  _The therapy sessions weren't much to talk about. I talk about anxiety, she talks about drinking. I could tell we were making great progress! Now, there's Kate._

"Oh yeah, duh."

I nodded and continued after a cough, "Then, let's start packing?"

Chloe nodded blankly. Then, she started to chuckle and point a finger at me. "Right, we have to do that."


	47. Chapter 47

**Steph: You got it, dude! I'll get those notes from your other class.**

**Me: Thanks, Magic partner.**

* * *

**Victoria: Okay, I found some shit on that disgusting trash.**

**Victoria: FYI, I know you broke into my room! Assholes.**

**Me: Why do you lock it? Let Kate in.**

**Victoria: It's only fair. I guess.**

Chloe and I were already in her car, packed and ready to stay somewhere else for four days. We left the next day in the morning, after having to wake Chloe up and make her drink a whole pot of coffee to stay awake. I really wanted to still sleep, even after downing two whole mugs of the drink, I continued to yawn and let my eyelids fall heavy.

**Me: Okay, what did you get?**

**Victoria: She still lives in Oregon! She delivers fucking pizza. I checked the reviews and like, 1 star out of 5? She's garbage and her work fucking sucks. It's by the academy they went to, so it won't be hard to find. Just find a low-budget version of you.**

**Me: You think I'm high quality?**

**Victoria: You're the original movie and she's the awful TV spin-off.**

**Me: I'm honored.**

I huffed as I listened to the rock music playing on the radio. It was attached to Chloe's phone so we'll have music constantly.

"You still haven't talked to Joyce yet?" I asked, raising my voice over the guitar riff.

Chloe turned the music down, "I mentioned it through a text message. I asked if it would be hella weird to randomly show up at the house or at the Two Whales. She said she'll be surprised but would be happy to see us again."

I sighed simply at the thought of the diner, "Can't wait to eat the Two Whales pancakes again…"

"Would be nice to have that again," Chloe chuckled. "Hell, I could go for that damn meatloaf if that meant eating my mom's food again."

"Would you really?"

"… No, I'm not that desperate. But, some pancakes or just fucking breakfast would make me happy. I think we'll be there when it's night, so no time to go to Two Whales."

"Damn it… How long is the trip?"

"Eight hours, give or take."

"Holy shit," I slouched in my seat. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"Dude, I drove all the way to San Francisco. I think I'll be fine going the other way. We took like four stops for gas, but we still made it out alive."

I nodded, quiet and looking out the window at the passing gas stations and fast-food restaurants. I tried to think of something to talk about, while we had the energy for a conversation.

"You're not gonna like this," I started, "but I sorta heard you and Rachel talking the other night."

"You're right. I hate it."

"Are you gonna finally admit that you want to marry her and want her to take  _your_ last name?"

Chloe tapped her fingers on the steering wheel, avoiding answering as I sat there, waiting. I started to follow her movements with my own fingers and tap against my knees.

"Okay, fine," she finally gave in. "I want to marry her! Happy?"

"Hella happy." I smiled.

"What are you gonna make me do now? Get my and her mom's permission?" Her tone was more mocking than serious.

"That would be nice!"

She groaned, "Go to sleep already."

She reached over and pushed me into the car door, playful and had a small smile on her lips. I laughed before I rested my head on the glass, closing my eyes.

* * *

"Hey… hey… hey Max!" I was awakened, disoriented and my body shaking around. My dream stopped at a strange point—when I was about to get chased by whatever entity there was.  _I hate weird dreams like that. Wowser, that was a lot._

When my eyes adjusted, I realized we already stopped at a gas station.

"How long was I out?" I asked.

"Two hours." Chloe opened her car door. "We're running out of gas and I need to take a leak. Do you want snacks or some shit?"

"Uh… no, thanks." I took my phone out from the cup holder in between me and Chloe. Kate had sent me a couple of pictures: one of a drawing she did of a full classroom and one of her hanging out with her friends.

She said,  **More filming today. Had to make some props beforehand.**

She was smiling in her group selfie. Along with Erin, and two other people I didn't recognize. One was a guy who seemed to wear gray as much as Ledah did and the other was in a white, sleeveless hoodie and had short, cropped hair. The two actresses were also in the picture, but they were blurrier than everyone else, telling me that they got into the picture suddenly.  _She looks happy here. I'm glad she went out to see them._

**Me: Nice! Who are the other two again?**

I stretched my legs out as I looked out and saw other cars getting filled and people going inside for snacks or other things. I was feeling suddenly nervous. Joyce's reaction could be anything at this point. Though, it sounded like it was positive from the text message. The feeling couldn't be helped.

My phone buzzed:  **Ben and sirimiri! There was a lot of people at the party, but they were there.**

_Right, I nearly forgot everyone who went there. Some I just happen to have classes with or met before, but everyone else was a blur to me._

**Me: There was. I still feel bad for forgetting about them.**

Chloe came back and started to put gas into the car, while holding a bag of Funyuns in the other hand. She left the window open, so I leaned over a bit to ask, "Should I be anxious? I'm not sure if I'm anxious or not."

"Honestly, I'm hella terrified. That bitch that hurt Kate is gonna get got."

" _That's_ what I'm terrified of!" I was scared for whatever excuse or explanation she had to give us. I wasn't having any of it and I couldn't give her any benefit of the doubt.

Chloe put twenty dollars worth of gas into the car and got back inside, opening the yellow bag, and eating a ring. She put the bag on my lap and started the car, driving out and onto the road again.

"Maybe we should call some friends up?" I suggested after eating a yellow ring. "To fill the void? I don't want to fall asleep every time you stop."

"My friends and girlfriend have jobs." Chloe reminded with a groan. "And your friends have school or some shit. We have no one to talk to except each other."

"Is there something you want to talk about?"

Chloe stayed quiet as she reached over and grabbed a ring from the chip bag. She was clearly thinking about something. I waited for her to reply, watching her in wonder and my heart thumping in my chest.

"I guess… thanks for helping me through this?" She began. "I was a piece of shit back then, huh?"

"You became someone different, sure, but that's okay. You found Rachel and you were happy again. I know what I did was fucked up and I was scared to say anything anymore. I never forgot. Chloe, no matter what happens, I'm there for you."

"Dude, I forgave you already. We went through so much shit at Blackwell. After everything and how we stayed by each other, how could I not?"

"… I haven't forgiven myself. I still wish I could fix it somehow."

"Hey, we're best friends! You've put up with all my shit! Right now, I'm trying to stay sober and not drink while Rachel's gone and you're watching me. I even hid the other fucking drinks I had. I want to be better again. I want to be there. I feel like I'm worth something with Rachel and… you know, you. Picking up what I'm putting down?"

I smiled from ear to ear.  _I'm proud of her. It's the first step to becoming healthy again._ "Yeah, got it. Then, we left together so I could go to school. You came along and pay for everything, even when you didn't have to. Corny, but I'm thankful and grateful."

"That's hella corny. But, thanks, love you too."

After that, I kept waking up and falling asleep. Every time I was awake, Chloe was busy driving and getting angry at other drivers. Sometimes, especially when the sun started to set, I took pictures of the sky and the busy road, to pass about three seconds of boredom.

We eventually led to a game of I-Spy, when we just pick a color and the other person must find it.

"I spy with my little eye… something blue." I started off with the light on the car's ceiling; Chloe kept a blue Christmas light like her old truck had.

"The fucking sky?" She was annoyed at this point.

"Not true, the sky's pink and yellow too! Try again."

"That car." She pointed her finger to a speeding Mini Cooper passing us.

"Nope."

"I was gonna say my hair, but it's not fucking blue anymore!" She slammed her hand on the steering wheel. "Um… my shirt?"

"Nope, but it is a nice shirt."

"Thanks, also fuck you."

"Come on, you have to actually  _look_ around."

She groaned and her eyes darted around the car. She eventually found the light and started to exclaim and hitting my arm, "The blue light! It's that shit! I know it!"

"Okay!" I tried to grab her hand as she kept aimlessly punching and slapping me on my arm and my hair. "You win! Alright!"

"That's right!" She stopped and focused back on the road. "I spy something red!"

"Your rose tattoo—"

"Fuck!"

As I laughed, my phone started to ring. I didn't expect the area we were in to have such good service, but as I saw "Rache" with her face I.D. light up, I was both happy yet confused.

"Didn't you say Rachel had a busy schedule today?"

"Uh, yeah, why?"

"She's calling." I answered it and put it on speaker, resting it in the cup holder. "Rachel?"

"Hey!" She greeted. "I'm just waiting for my hair to dry. I'm at a photoshoot and had the time."

"Oh, like you had to wash it?"

"Yeah and you know, dye it a little bit, cut it a little bit, just for fashion ads and whatever."

"Is it blue?" I asked suddenly.

"I wish! But no, it's an icy blonde, that's what they call it. I don't know, I'm hella not into it."

"I'm pretty sure Chloe would like it."

"Are you…" Chloe raised her eyebrow, "hitting on Rachel for me?"

Rachel laughed, light-hearted and bubbly, "Your comment is appreciated either way. She wouldn't answer my calls, so I sent another voicemail and a text message. Are you guys doing anything today?"

Chloe shook her hand near her neck, mutely telling me to not say we were on the road back to Oregon. It forced me to think on my toes.

"Nope, Chloe's wacked from work at HUE and I was swamped with homework."

"You guys sure sound like shit too. Why do I have a feeling you two are lying to me?" She sounded more suspicious of us than heartbroken.

"Why would I ever lie to the hottest girl I've ever met?" Chloe asked.

Rachel replied with a pleased chuckle, "Valid question. Gotta go, apparently more hair things to do. Love you, bye."

"Love you."

"Love you more!" Chloe added at the end.

The call ended and I said with a chuckle, "Rachel didn't talk to us this much the other time she was gone."  _Not in a bad way. It's way better._

"Now she knows I have issues and you have g-issues, so I'm pretty sure she's just checking on us."

"… What are g-issues?"

"Gay issues."

"You're gayer than me."

"I have a girlfriend and did not accidentally kiss her in the dark."

The conversation ended after that. I clearly lost that verbal mini-fight and, to be honest, it was hard to be mad when Chloe spat out the hard truth.

* * *

The rest of the drive—minus the gas station stops—was smooth and dull. The car lights on the freeways going towards Oregon were littered with red lights, bright and hurting out eyes. I took a couple of photos, though blurry since the cars kept moving and changing lanes. It was nighttime when we finally arrived in Arcadia Bay; still as quiet and dark as we remembered it. We couldn't see much apart from the few streetlights, but she drove down the road, passing the pier and Blackwell. I was able to see the Two Whales in the dim lighting we had to work with. Chloe drove into the more "suburban" part of town, up to the blue and white two-story house.

The house looked the same as we last saw it, even Chloe's truck was still parked on the side in the driveway, untouched and still as rundown as before. The stickers for the expiration was up-to-date, so someone was still paying for it. Chloe parked next to the truck and turned off her car, but then she just sat there. She gazed at her house, like she didn't recognize it. She sighed, happily.

So, we both sat. The motion-sensor light in the driveway shone down on us and, when I looked close enough, her blue eyes were glassy, as if she was going to cry at any second. I had to take a picture of that, too.  _I'm nervous to see Joyce again. And Chloe's old room. I bet it looks exactly the same._

"Alright," she said after the photo finished developing. "Let's head inside?"

Even though she wasn't sure, we got out and held all our stuff on our backs, and approached the front door like awkward turtles. Chloe hesitated to knock on the front door, too.

"I would hella take the window to my room, but we have too much shit." She said as she turned to me. That gave me an idea.

"Leave your stuff with me," I said. "Go to your window like you usually do and surprise Joyce like that."  _It's a pretty dumb idea, to be honest, but it wouldn't be "Chloe coming back home" if she didn't go through the window._

"I like the way you think, Max Planck." She tapped her finger against my temple and dropped her stuff to the ground with a thud. I turned around as she climbed the tree in front of the house to get to her window and I rang the doorbell.

It took a good five minutes before the door finally opened, with Joyce in a robe and with her hair up in her big hair clip she had. She looked like she was sleeping a moment ago.

"Max, what a surprise!" She jolted back, but she was smiling. "What brings you here?"

"I have four days to spare, so why not spend it in Arcadia Bay with you?" I said with force. It was obviously a lie and that I was at her door, at eight PM, with enough bags for two people. Plus I was going during a school week.

She hummed, hand on her hip, "I doubt that, but I'm letting you into my house anyway." She then grabbed the backpacks on the floor and brought them inside.

As I walked in, I saw Chloe at the very top of the stairs, walking down slowly.

"Why did you come alone? Chloe didn't want to see me?" Joyce chuckled, putting our bags down. She went to sit down at the dining room table and I sat across from her. It was perfect: Joyce's back was facing towards Chloe and I could keep watching her.

"More like she didn't want to see David."

"Yes, that sounds more like Chloe. How have you been, Max? What brings you back to this small town?"

"On a whim, I guess? It was a quick bus ride."

"What bus did you take? Sounds like you rode a cheetah all the way over here." She laughed at her own joke.

I chuckled a bit, "I was asleep for most of it. By the way, is David even here?"

"He got called in late at Blackwell because some students broke in. I thought you and Chloe had come back and got in again—Really reminded me of you two."

"Those were the good days."

"Those "good days" of yours gave me a real headache."

"You know, mom," Chloe snuck up and placed her hands on Joyce's shoulders, "it would be good to lock the windows."

She jolted, yelling in shock, and had to doubletake, "Chloe Elizabeth Price! Don't you scare me like that!"

They still shared a warm embrace through some laughter. I could hear Chloe say, "missed you" and Joyce say, "missed you too" back. Another picture.

"Okay, now tell me," Joyce pulled away from her daughter first, "Why are you really here?"

Chloe shrugged her shoulders and asked me, "Dude, could you go upstairs? This is hella private."  _It's really not, but it is her mom, after all._

"Right," I got out of my seat and went up the stairs. I was planning to go to Chloe's old room, but instead, I got halfway up and sat down on the steps.

"I just really wanted to see you again, mom." Chloe started to conversation.

"Even when you move away, you're still my daughter. You put me through a lot of shit, but I still love you. Is there something upsetting you?"

Chloe did a sarcastic laugh and then said, "I wanted some… help."

"Financially? You know I always help—"

"No, I can handle that now. I just… I wanted to say sorry for all the bullshit I did. Now, I know I have a drinking problem and I wanted some advice."

"Chloe, you had every right to be mad and upset back then. I still wish you and David had a better relationship."

"… Even I admit that I wanna try. I'm willing to ask him too about my problem…"

"Sweetie, he's really trying to be better. You can trust him. Tell mom all about this drinking problem."

"You probably know this, but Rachel and I are still together. She doesn't drink anymore, not even a sip, but in my case, I drank it like it was water. Max couldn't tell me; Rachel had to. I drank at night and cried about her. It feels hella shitty to say, but from what they told me, I cried about Rachel not being around and… even thought she was dead. I've been sober for a few days, but one night… I drank so much. I don't remember anything, but there's a stain on the wall, I think I threw a bottle at Max. And Max… I think I was beating her up a little bit. I'm such a fuck-up, mom."

"No, you're not, sweetheart. If you were, you wouldn't be here talking about it. You would still be in California doing that."

"At least I'm doing something right." She chuckled at herself, but a weak one. "What the hell should I do?"

"I think what helps the most is what you'll gain. Who you're doing it for too. I've come to terms with you and Rachel and you two love each other. So, number one priority, Rachel. Think about Max and me too. Then, you'll have better health and you'll be happier too. Seeing you hurt and not talk about it was hard to watch, but I guess it was bad on your and my part."

I felt a smile grow on my face, hearing Chloe finally talk about various things with her mom and finally just speaking her mind without feeling so alone. I wish I could take a picture of their moment, but it was bad enough I was listening.

"I'm changing now. I gotta admit, Max made me finally say that I wanna marry her, mom. I want to be with Rachel. Another reason I'm trying to stop all my bad habits."

"I'm guessing the tattoos won't stop." Joyce said with a light laugh at the end. "I like the new hair. I thought you would stick to blue until death."

"I'm thinking about it. Thanks."

"And you and Rachel… just two peas in a pod. I guess all it took was time to finally bring the good out of each other. Have you and Rachel talked about it?"

"It's complicated. We talked about who would take whose last name. We agreed that her taking mine would be better."

"That doesn't sound complicated to me."

"I don't know. I'm still twenty-one. I just feel… scared?"

"Well, you're young, that's how it always feels. It shouldn't be so scary if Rachel has such a high-paying job. Not to mention, such a presence in the whole clothes and TV and whatnot. You guys met when you only had each other, so I think there's nothing to be afraid of."

It was quiet. I wanted to peer my head over and see what Chloe was doing, but I stayed hidden on the dark staircase.

Joyce continued to speak. "So, you're sure you want to marry her? That's something you want?"

"Yes, mom, I love her a lot."

"Okay, stay here one moment."

I ran up the stairs and into Chloe's room, jumping into the bed and acting distracted and on my phone. Turns out, the one text I got was from Dana asking how the trip back was like. I replied with,  **It was okay, to be honest. Slept more than awake.**  When I put my phone down, I noticed everything in Chloe's room was left as it was. All the posters she left, the graffiti, the flags, the mess—It was all still there.

I had to take more pictures of the room and, being in there, it reminded me of when Chloe was busted for having weed in her room. I took the blame, aka, the bravest shit I ever pulled at the time. I saw Joyce walk into her room and then walk out again, going back downstairs. I followed, putting the pictures and my camera back into the bag I brought with me.

"Here, Chloe, I want you to have this."

"Holy shit… Dad gave you this ring. I thought you pawned it off already or something."

"Well, I admit I had a little hope for you. I've never seen you so happy before and seeing you trying to build yourself into a better person, I think Rachel deserves this. Even though you seem to already tattoo your vows."

"Oh, no, I—thanks, mom. This is perfect."

I had a big grin on my face, feeling speechless and somewhat guilty I was listening in on this special moment. I went back upstairs again, pretending I was never there.


	48. Chapter 48

"Are you gonna have a talk with me too, Max, or are you good?" Joyce appeared at Chloe's door with her arms folded and a raised brow.

I chuckled airily, but I hated to admit that I did needed  _some_ advice from her. After listening to what she and Chloe were talking about, I think that asking wouldn't hurt. Or, it would hurt a little bit.

"Well," I drawled the "ell" in the word, "I might have a couple questions."

"Alright," she nodded and then walked into the room, sitting down next to me on Chloe's mattress.

"I met this girl recently, Joyce." I started, feeling a smile starting to form, then fall again, reminding me of what she was going through now. "Her name's Kate and she's absolutely great. She's so smart and works hard and sweet and caring. But, she learned recently that a girl she  _thought_ was her girlfriend really… hurt her throughout their senior year. I don't know how to help her and maybe you have some ideas?"

The real word was lingering around my mind and still waiting to get out. It was sour and made me madder as I thought about it.

"You seem to have a real dilemma."

"I do. She made Kate believe that everything she was doing was good and that it was okay. I have to call Kate later to see how she's doing, but I really want to help."  _The scars haven't left my mind yet._

"Is that why you drove here? To rest?"

"Oh, no, Chloe really wanted to see you. Kate used to go to a Christian academy here in Oregon a few miles off and I was told me by a little birdie the girl is still around delivering pizzas. So… I was thinking of directly confronting her, but Chloe really wants to kill her more than anything."

"If you really want to help, then you should go talk to her. I'm sure Kate can't confront those feelings, something like betrayal and she's probably confused and asking herself questions. I already worry about Chloe, don't tell me things like that." She placed her hand on my shoulder as she explained. I couldn't help but laugh at the last part;  _I worry about Chloe too._

"I just don't know what to expect. It's clear that she regrets what she did to Kate, but… why now? Why only now is it wrong? You know what I mean?"

"Right. Then, help her. You can't force someone like Kate to do that and, since you're here, you could find a way to get to her. You and Chloe always seem to find a way." She stood up and sighed. "Anyway, I need to get some late-dinner ready, so you and Chloe rest now, alright?"

"Yeah, thanks, Joyce."

As she left, Chloe came in. She seemed to be chewing on something as she walked in and then jumped right into bed, landing on her back. "So, how're we gonna bash this bitch's face in?"

"We're here to  _talk_ to her." I reminded. "Let's talk about it after I call Kate."

I got up from bed and took my phone out, calling Kate right away. I hope she was sleeping, but hearing her voice would at least tell she was still around.

"Hello?" Kate answered after the third ring. She sounded almost fully awake.

"Hey, we just got to Oregon. How are you?" I nearly hopped at hearing her.

"Just getting by, I guess. Took my medication, got ready for bed, but here I am, drawing and re-watching some finished parts of the short film."

"Oh? How is it so far?"

"It's very good. I think it'll win at the festival for sure." I could hear a little laugh at the end of her sentence. I finally smiled again, mutely releasing a sigh of relief.  _Her laugh is so light. I want to cry just hearing it, especially after what I saw._

"Can't wait to watch it." I rested my back against the wall. "You've been talking to your other friends, right?"

"I try, but now it's difficult when those visions keep coming back to me. I can't concentrate anymore…"

"You're not gonna heal right away. No one expects you to learn and forget. You're strong, Kate, one of the strongest people I know. I know you can do it."

"Thank you, Max," Kate said with a sigh,  _I can imagine her smiling right now_ , "I'm going to try to sleep now. Enjoy your time in Oregon and I'll try my best over here, okay? And I know I could call you if I can't."

"Okay, I hope you do rest, Kate. Sleep well and sweet dreams. Goodnight, Kate."

"Goodnight, Max."

I went back inside and saw that Chloe was staring up at her phone, but flawless timing, her phone slipped out of her hands and fell right onto her face. She yelled out a "fuck!" as she tried (and failed) to cover her face with her hands.

"That looked like it hurt." I couldn't help but laugh at her.

"I did that on purpose!" She sat up as she grabbed her phone again and faced the screen to me. "Look how hot my girlfriend is!"

I looked at the picture of Rachel, which was already set as her phone background, with her hair dyed a more platinum blonde and had the sharpest winged eyeliner, I had no doubt that it could cut someone. She was winking into the camera, and her smirk told that this photo was just for Chloe's eyes only. Maybe mine too?

"She should always have wavy hair." I nodded.

"I think so too. God, I'm so in love with her." She looked at the picture again.

"What else is new." It was more of a statement then a question. "Let's… try to find the girl tomorrow. Victoria sent me the location of the place."

"I was thinking more like getting her while she's working. You kick her in the shin and then  _I_ will beat her over the head with the pizza shit in her hands—"

"We're not gonna hurt her." I grabbed Chloe's shoulders. "We have to talk to her. She has to explain why she did what she did and  _then_ you could give her one slap to the face."

"Thank fuck." She bounced on the bed. "But… just one? I honestly think I should shoot her in the knee—"

"We're not gonna make her paralyzed, Chloe." I reminded once more. "Victoria said she'll handle the rest."

"You're missing out on satisfaction, Ant-Max."

"I don't care; we're not gonna hurt her."

"Fine." She groaned and stood up. "But, we should totally sneak out of here later and head to the lighthouse."

"We wouldn't be visiting Arcadia Bay if we didn't go there. So, let's head out later, okay?"

* * *

We decided to leave downstairs, still arguing about whether we should hurt Kate's ex or not (news flash: we won't). When we got down, we could hear a male voice, slightly upset and was venting. We both knew it was David, as she rolled her eyes at me as she heard him, but we continued to leave downwards.

He was in the kitchen, helping Joyce with the food, and like she said earlier, David was wearing the Blackwell security uniform from having to deal with students that snuck into the school. He saw me first, sending shock into my entire body, but I acted like nothing was happening and I smiled to greet.

"Hey, uh, David." I forced as I reached to the last step.

"Max, Joyce told me you would be here." His tone made anything he said sound like he hated you, but after knowing him, it was just how he talked. He gave me a salute, though my guard was still high.

"Welcome back, Chloe." He reached his hand out. Chloe hesitated, but reached in, grabbing his hand in a firm handshake. The room didn't feel tense, but it did feel a little awkward.

"How's holding the job down?" He asked her.

"I work at night now," she replied with formality, "I met a friend from Blackwell and she hooked me up. So, hella hard to switch, but I'm happy to not be around espresso machines anymore."

"Chloe, I mentioned to David about some problems you have," Joyce started to set up plates at the dining table, "and he wants to help."

I saw Chloe fall back for a second, like she was ready to groan, but she stopped and said, "I guess I could bring it up…"

"Then Max, could you help with some things here? I need some ingredients and an extra hand for the sides."

Chloe and I split up after giving each other a nod. I went ahead and helped Joyce with the really-late breakfast she decided to make. She finished the pancakes and made me place it on the table, then I manned the bacon sizzling on the pan, while Joyce made eggs on another.

"It's nice to see Chloe and David really talking to each other." Joyce said, while keeping her eyes on the pan, using the spatula in her other hand to move the sunny-side up. "So many years of them not having any connection or bond, it's nice to see her  _grown up_."

"She wants to marry Rachel. That's pretty grown up to me."

"The moment I met her, I knew they were stuck together for eternity. I'm glad that she met someone who helped her through everything that happened, even when I couldn't help her. And I'm glad you came around when you did."

"Chloe's my partner-in-time. I would do anything for her if that meant she was happy and safe."

"That's good to hear, Max."

* * *

Dinner was very uneventful. Only because Joyce and I finished our plates before they stopped talking. We sat with them still as they ate breakfast, making small talk about what we have been doing in San Francisco and what David did at Blackwell and Joyce's day at the Two Whales Diner, and, honestly, it felt like a family. I'll never forget all those times Chloe put her mom and stepdad through hell and irritating them, but I think she realized that they were people who cared about her. But, Rachel cared the most obviously.

Speaking of her, Chloe's phone suddenly went off. I could see Joyce's smile form when she heard the muffled Firewalk song go off. Chloe had to leave, not excusing herself and just leaving the table as she chewed.

"Hey Rachel," I heard as she left.

"So, Max," David cleared his throat, "How has school been?"

"I'm just… scraping by. I'm glad to have Chloe with me over there."

"Yes, she is happier being there, I've noticed. Uh, I would like to thank you for helping her." He sipped from his mug. "And apologize. I want to apologize for my actions in the past. I just wanted what was best for her, us, but I've realized what I did was not the correct way to go about it."

I was speechless. I couldn't say a single word. There was so much going on, I couldn't believe David Madsen was saying he was sorry. There was so much sincerity in his voice and face. "Apology accepted, David. Chloe honestly wants to be closer to you."

"Good to hear."

When he looked down, I got up and placed my plate in the sink. "Thanks, Joyce, dinner was great… And thanks, David. For talking to both of us." I ran upstairs and walked into Chloe as she was saying a compliment to Rachel on her phone, "No, you look hot. Wife me up already, what the fuck."

I raised my eyebrows and made an awkward chuckle.  _Chloe, you're the one who's gonna wife her up._

"You're hella hot." Chloe smirked as she looked down at her lap. "You want to do what? Here?  _Now?_ While Max is here?"

I felt awkward.  _What did Rachel want to do? I had no idea, but if I knew anything about Chloe, she was just gonna tell me._

"Hey," Chloe held her phone screen against her shoulder, blocking the microphone so Rachel couldn't hear anything, "I'm gonna help Rachel rub one out real quick, fucking leave."

She pushed me out of the room and slammed the door on my face. I knew what she meant; I just didn't want to believe it. Her door clicked, locking me out indefinitely.  _Well, shit. How do you have phone sex in a time like this?_

* * *

I was stuck outside, not really wanting to bother Joyce and David and not wanting to knock on Chloe's door, sitting against the wall next to Chloe's room. I was stuck with my mutual crush hurting back in California, trying to sleep her past away. I wish I could be there to be her shoulder to cry on, but I always wanted to help by confronting this girl myself. I really thought about Chloe's ideas and, as tempting as I wanted to hurt her too, we had to at least let her talk.

I was confused on it too.  _How could any do something so awful to someone like Kate?_   _She was so happy. She was so happy to know her and consider her, even after everything, her friend. Thinking back on what Kate told me about losing her v-card at her school, the events that happened after wasn't… Kate. She was emotional and she took relationships to heart, so she would never let romance happen without talking about it. She would never just casually fuck someone, when she clearly cared about school more than anything._ I didn't want to judge her, but thinking about it now, nothing was Kate.

I felt sick again. The thought of someone telling and convincing Kate everything was okay and normal was sickening, forcing her to throw those feelings of sadness and discomfort away. It was like Kate forgot those experiences as they were and dissociated to be good things. Like, her feelings never mattered.

I knew I had to ask one person:  **Me: Hey Victoria, how's Kate?**

Before I knew it, Chloe's door opened and she walked out with a smirk, like she accomplished her greatest achievement. I avoided asking at all as I stood up again.

"You know what we should do?" She asked me firstly.

I didn't reply.

"We're dyeing your hair, Maxoto Kusanagi." She grabbed my wrist and dragged me into the bathroom, switching the light on and started to dig through the various drawers and plastic containers.

Of course, all Chloe had was blue. I couldn't think of how she came up with this idea or why she thought of it at all, but I was letting it happen. Turns out, there was a hair clipper in the box, so she took that out as well. I wasn't nervous, but all I wanted to know was why.

"What brought this up?"

"My hair's black as fuck and I like it like this. And Rachel dyed her too. But,  _you_ haven't dyed it before. And I'm shaving the back again, unless you have any requests."

I huffed.  _I have a tattoo already, I might as well go all the way._

I let Chloe do as she pleased. I was scared she was going to shave my entire hair, but she shaved from my eyebrows down, then used a black hair tie from her wrist to tie up what was left. She then grabbed nearly half of my bangs from the left side, and then bleached and dyed it the same bright blue she used to have. It was… new, to say the least. Everything was more Chloe's style, but then again, I still looked like myself from a year or two ago and she was probably sick of looking at me.

"Are you happy now, Chlopium?" I asked as I looked into the mirror, bending over the sink and turning my head.

"Nope," I saw her shake her head in the mirror, "Your clothes are the same Blackhell ones. It's even the same jacket."

"I like this jacket!"

"We're fixing it!" She made me wait upstairs as she grabbed our bags and brought them into her room. She took my jacket, and then replaced it with a purple flannel I got from Rachel. I was forced into ripped, black jeans and that was the finishing touches Chloe made.

"Max two-point-oh!" She cheered. "Kate will forget about that asshole in a second once she sees you."  _Well, that's not how it works, but she'll be happy to see how much I changed._ I checked my phone:

**Victoria: She's sleeping, thank god. Please fuck off, I need sleep too!**

I wanted to be crazy. I had a crazy,  _crazy_ idea. "Then, let's go to the lighthouse!"

"Fuck yes!"

* * *

Chloe guided me through her bedroom window and then down the roof and the ladder on the side of her house that was conveniently left for us to leave. She even took the keys to the truck and, it  _still_ worked as she turned it on and backed out of the driveway and towards the forest.

"I can't believe this thing still works!" Chloe rolled her window down as she sped down the street, passing red lights and feeling the warm air pass the car. She had her hand outside to feel the wind as we sped through the quiet town.

I had to laugh with her—it felt like old times and being back in Arcadia Bay made us hella nostalgic—while I did the same with my window and had my whole arm outside. We both whooped and yelled at the top of our lungs as we sped towards the lighthouse brightly shining its light in the distance.

The first thing we did, when we abruptly stopped, was race each other to the lighthouse, pushing each other to get to the top first. I won as I hopped onto the bench, lying down against the seat and taking up all the space.

"Beat you, Chloe!" I rubbed in her face, trying to act like I wasn't tired.

"Rematch! I was thinking about what Rachel was doing earlier!" She tried to argue as she breathed heavily.

"Nope, I won that fair and square!" I sat up correctly to let Chloe rest. The bench faced outwards, towards the moving ocean tides and the full moon, glowing down on us. The lighthouse's light, not only helped any seamen, helped us look at the horizon and the dark blue water move in waves.

It was just a perfect moment for me and Chloe to enjoy; I needed one picture. We stayed quiet, absorbing our surroundings, and feeling our past play out as kids, playing pirates and playing through the trees, and more recently when I met Chloe again. It didn't have to be said and that was okay.

"You know what? Sure." Chloe said suddenly.

"Sure what?"

"Sure, we'll just talk to Kate's ex first. You know a thing or two about talking to exes." Chloe patted me on the back.

"Thanks… I think. Glad you see it my way. So, tomorrow, what are we gonna do?"

"We could thank Victoria for helping us with finding where she works. Maybe we could check out the school too. See this shitty, awful place. But, we'll find her."

"I have a feeling this is gonna be sweet."


	49. Chapter 49

We sneaked back into Chloe's house again, albeit making a lot of noise from tripping over.

* * *

_May 13, 2015 11:38 PM_

_I'm back in Oregon again. Kate showed me something… I hate to write this down. She has cuts on her arms. They were covered. I wanted to cry for her, knowing how much pain she really is going through. I held her. I held her, never letting go for a second. She cried and cried and cried. I never wanted to leave her. I had to when she slept. And now, here I am in Arcadia Bay again. I'm no bounty hunter or anything, but Chloe and I are after the person who did this to her. Not kill her, but sternly talk about it._

_Speaking of Chloe, she's on her fifteenth day of being sober! I should make her a badge or something._

* * *

The next morning, I woke up earlier than Chloe and I couldn't help but go to the bathroom to just look at myself. I was like a dress-up doll for her, but if I stared long enough, there were things that I liked about it.

_Blue hair, tattoo… I'll be Chloe for sure if I wear a beanie and be gay for Rachel._

I grabbed my phone from Chloe's room and walked out again, leaning on the stairs' railing, calling Kate once again to check on her.

"Hello?" Kate answered, sounding happier than ever.

"Hey Kate, I'm just checking up on you." I replied. "How are you feeling today?"

"Better, I spoke to a couple of friends and they want to kill my ex too. I thought it was funny, but… I don't want her to get hurt, even… even after what she did. I finally slept well last night."

"I'm so happy to hear that. And, Chloe wants to hurt her too, you know, hit her with a pizza."

Kate laughed again, "I don't want that to happen either! It looked funny in my head, but don't hurt her."

"We'll try our best." I reassured. "She's going to be up soon, so we'll search for her."  _Because Victoria was too scared to admit we're semi-friends, I have to fake not knowing where she is._

"It won't be hard. I'm sure she's still around the same area. But, listen, Max. When you get back here, let's go out somewhere, okay?"

"Absolutely, we should do that. It's... It's a date." I hesitated, but I felt happy saying so.

Kate giggled, "It's a date. Good luck. Bye."

"Talk to you later."

"Uh," I heard behind me, "What is this about a date?"

Chloe was standing at her doorway, wearing the same clothes from yesterday and with an unlit cigarette between her teeth. She looked less bad ass and more ridiculous when she didn't have fire close to her face.

"Why are you doing that?"

She shrugged her shoulders, taking it out of her mouth, "No clue. I missed the feeling. Whatever that motherfucker does in that one book, I get it now. But, what is this about a date?"

"I was talking to Kate and she suggested it, so we have a date." I said it so casually, but on the inside, I was freaking  _the hell_  out. I then felt a vibration in my pocket:

**Victoria: I hope that bitch chokes.** _Scary, yet so, so Victoria._

**Me: On air.**

**Victoria: Anything. Just choke.**

"Good fucking job, Max-Attack! Anyway, mom's already gone and David left, too. We're heading to Two Whales for some grub and then we're going in for the kill— _not literally_." She specified, holding her hands up defensively.

"You better not really hurt her. Kate said not to!" I said firmly. I could see Chloe roll her eyes, but said, "Fine."

* * *

**"It's good to hear you decided to see your hometown again. It must be difficult having someone in your life going through a heartbreaking situation. Acknowledge yourself for being so strong, for this friend and the one you mentioned before. Anxiety is a very challenging obstacle; however, it is doable to overcome it. Practice grounding yourself and remind yourself it's okay to leave an overwhelming situation."** My therapist left a voice memo for me, after I had left one for her the day before. I really was proud of myself.

Chloe did the same thing too, listening to a voicemail on her phone and nodding as if her therapist was in front of her. I avoided asking anything about her sessions, as she did to me because of client-therapist confidentiality, but despite her saying she hated it, she was listening.

* * *

Without saying a word, we got ready for our day and went out in Chloe's car, instead of the truck. I didn't know how to feel about meeting Kate's ex-girlfriend-slash-awful person. I should be nervous, but at the same time, I really was upset about what Kate was going through and what she forgot the whole year. I didn't want to bring it up to Chloe either, since our day started out so good. I crossed my ankles as I stared out of the car's window, watching Arcadia Bay go by.

"I can't wait to eat so many fucking waffles." Chloe snorted at herself.

"Me too, I've been going on without them for  _too_ long." I chuckled. We stopped in the same old parking lot of the diner, still the fading blue color and busy as always. In the lot, there was a huge RV with "Free Candy Inside!" written on the side, taking up about five of spots. With the dirty-covered beige color and being so rundown in general, it was too familiar.

"Frank's here?" I pointed at it before Chloe left out.

"Are you fucking kidding me." It was a statement. Chloe hated seeing him more than anyone else. Let's just say Rachel was involved, but she chose Chloe in the end (but she admitted she was only with him for drugs).

"You know what," Chloe kicked her door open, making the hinges squeak, "Don't give a shit. Let's have some grub and then head on out."

"How much you wanna bet he's eating beans?" I asked with a smirk.

"Twenty bucks."

"Deal." We shook on it, connecting together with a loud clap. Right, Chloe knew he would be, but I thought maybe he changed in a year.

We waltzed in there, like we owned the place, and sat at a booth, a couple seats away from the ancient jukebox. On the other side of the room, we saw Frank Bowers with his head down, hat low, and on his plate, was beans, covering every inch and steaming into the air.

"You win, Chloe." I reached into my messenger bag and found two crumpled ten dollar bills and threw it in front of her.

"Thank you very much." She grinned as she grabbed them and shoved them into her pocket. "Speaking of cash, I need to head out to buy some shit."

"Not to hurt Kate's ex, right?"

"... No." She replied. "I need some snacks and some other things."

"Sure."

"Morning, you two!" Joyce was in her blue uniform and half apron, holding a newly brewed pot of coffee. "How did I know you two will be here?"

"Hey mom," Chloe slapped her hand on the table, "Two of those bomb ass waffles and coffee for Max. Oh, make that two, one for me."

"Some things never change." She reached with her free hand and messed with Chloe's hair. "Coming right up."

Joyce walked behind the counter, where truckers and a couple of police officers were sitting at with their food and drinks. Noises like the TVs playing the news, some students from Blackwell messing with each other, and even music from the jukebox playing softly all mixed together into a big mess of noise.

Between eating the stacked high waffles and talking about how the diner was still the same, I was texting Dana that we were back in Arcadia Bay.  **Dana: Have fun and make sure to see Blackwell again!**  When I asked Chloe if she wanted to go see the school again, she said, "Hell no, I rather die."  _Well, Dana would not want to hear that._

"Are you gonna finish that?" Chloe stabbed her fork into the last piece of waffle on my plate.

"Not anymore." I answered as I pushed the plate closer to her.

"Thanks." She ate the piece in one bite. With her mouth full, "Hey, we should do something."

"Great, can you tell me while  _not_ spitting syrup at me?" I wiped my cheek.

Chloe took a minute to chew and swallow and then leaned over the table to whisper something to me. The plan was evil, but not different to what I did before. As I looked over Chloe's shoulder, I saw that Frank has somehow not made a dent in his food.

"I got your back," Chloe nodded. "You do it, then when you run, the door's open."

I sighed, tired already, "You owe me."  _I'm gonna regret this. Sorry therapist, at least I'm going out there._

"Fucking duh, now go!"

I stood up, legs nearly shaking violently, and approached Frank's table. I was afraid of him hitting or wanting to verbally fight me immediately, but I continued with Chloe's ridiculous plan. He was still a sad, dirty drug dealer, even wearing the same jacket, but now he had a large tattoo covering his entire neck. I couldn't tell what it was.

"Rachel?!" That was the same reaction he had to me last time I saw him. I keep forgetting that flannel and plaid was a Rachel thing in Arcadia Bay. "Oh... it's just you. What the fuck do you want?"

"Can't I just have a casual conversation with you?" I shrugged my shoulders, already uncomfortable.

"Wow, blue hair and that fucking outfit? You want to be them so badly, but news flash girly, you're trying too hard."

_Wowsers, is he serious? They're my moms, you asshole._

"Whatever, just came here to do one thing." I grabbed his plate, letting all the contents spill onto the tiled-ground and then dropping the plate with a clatter. "Fuck you."

"Those were mine, you bitch!" He stood up and was ready to grab me.

I ran out of the diner, Chloe was already in the exit, and ran to her car, immediately jumping in and driving out of the parking lot.

"Holy shit, Max!" Chloe was hopping in her seat as she drove. "That was hella insane! Rachel will lose her shit once she hears this!"

"I can't believe I did that! What magical powers do you have that possessed me to do that?!"

"I don't have any! You're just hella reckless! You're becoming more like me every damn day, high fucking five!"

No hesitation, I slapped my palm against hers.

Our day was almost like I never did that to Frank. We went to a gas station for Chloe's car, but we also went inside to get some snacks and candy to pass some time before hitting up the pizza place. What I noticed was that Chloe bought two things: two Ring pops. One was pink-and-blue and one was red-and-orange. I didn't ask what they were for, assuming she would just eat them. She bought another box of cigarettes too, but no lighter or even anything to light them at all.

* * *

"Come on, you don't even have to light it." Chloe was trying to hand me a Marlboro cigarette.

I stared at the nicotine stick in her hand. I didn't have any reason to put it in my mouth; I didn't have a reason to have it anywhere near me! I would just be another Chloe, which I think was what she wanted.

"Do  _you_ want to light yours?"

"Well yeah, I used to do it all the time. The feeling doesn't go away, Max. Getting clean is… not easy."

I huffed, and reluctantly grabbed it, "Fine." I stuck it between my teeth, moving it around with my tongue. It sort of felt like a gross straw, but I immediately gave it back to her. Chloe shrugged as she put the one I just gave into hers, making her look like she had two fangs.

"Can you put all of them in your mouth?" I grabbed the whole box from her lap. "I'll send the pic to Rachel."

Again, no rejection or hesitation. She lined up all the cigarettes in her mouth and then posed for the shot, like it was an artsy and angst-y photo. But, we were sitting in Chloe's living room in the middle of the day. Plus, they weren't even lit. But, I took the picture anyway and Chloe sputtered as she put them out onto the couch and floor.

"Thanks, I look hella stupid." She said. I watched her send the picture to Rachel regardless.

I laughed, agreeing with her, "You're just reminding Rachel who she's in love with, that's all."

"Uh,  _yeah_ , I'm awesome." Chloe tossed her phone to the side, falling in between the cushions. "But, what's the big plan with the ex?"

"Before that," I reached into my bag, taking out a crappy post-it note with "15 Days!" written on it. "I forgot to give this to you! Congrats on being sober for fifteen days!"

She smiled and chuckled, amused, and stuck it to her jacket, "Thanks, now, can we please talk about the other thing?"  _She's impatient, but she's grateful. I can see it in her eyes!_

"Right, since she's delivering pizzas, I say call the place before they close to force her into overtime." That sounded less lame in my head.

"That's so fucked, I love it." Chloe dug in the cushions to find her phone again. "Catch her when she least expects it! I didn't feel like driving anymore to that christian school or that pizza shop—I have a hella headache right now… not today anyway. She can come to us."

"Exactly," I snapped my fingers, "So, we'll wait right now and then when the time's right, we'll call the place and get her over here."

* * *

That was what we did. We waited and waited, watching TV and getting snacks from time to time. Turns out, both Joyce and David had to work overnight, due to Joyce needing more money and David watching out for more students breaking in. Chloe and I were simply waiting, calling up Dana and Kate and even Juliet (hell, I called Victoria and Warren too), to pass it faster. Kate expressed how she couldn't sleep again, which was fine with me. I had all-night to text her.

"It's time!" Chloe grabbed her phone and then called the pizza place's number, practically stabbing her thumb into her phone screen.

"Yo, can I get a, uh... large half pepperoni-half cheese pizza and, uh, two-liters of Coke?" Chloe asked. The sun was setting outside; place closes earlier than any other place. "Thanks, my address is—"

My phone started to ring. I checked and it was Kate again.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked first.

"Nothing, I just wanted to hear your voice again." She sounded tired this time.

"Your voice is nicer than mine." I complimented. "We found the place and calling it right now, so our plan is in motion."

"Again, please don't hurt her."

"We won't. Is that all you needed from me? To hear me talk?"

"That's it. And that I've been thinking about you. I could never tell my friends this. I'll never hear the end of it."

"Well, I'm flattered to be the only one to hear that." I chuckled. I could feel Chloe's eyes boring into the back of my skull.

Kate did a tired giggle.

"How are you feeling? Really?" I asked seriously.  _I hope she wasn't pretending to be happy. I mean, she didn't have to with me._

"I'm certainly smiling more today than the last few days."

"Good, I need you to smile every day."

"I will, Max. Good luck on your mission."

"Thanks."

I ended the call and then turned around again to face Chloe, who was looking at me with a smirk. "Just how gay  _are you_?"

I didn't answer, only with a smirk. We both waited for the pizza. Since the place was miles off towards the center of Oregon, we were waiting a while. I even took a nap in that time and she still hasn't shown up yet.  _I'll set up a phone right now._ I searched around the room.  _I need to record this, both video and microphone. Maybe Victoria could use this._

"Chloe," I called her, standing from the couch, "can I see your phone? We should use it to record this. We might need it."

"Oh, right, that makes sense." She took her phone out from her pocket and handed it to me. "Talking about it wouldn't do shit, I guess?"

I nodded, hiding her phone in the room, in a plant actually and, with the help of Chloe's height, she made sure it was aimed correctly.

* * *

It was nighttime and the door finally had a few couple knocks. Chloe practically ran to the door and opened it.

To be honest, we did have the same features. Brown hair, blue eyes, same height... but we were completely different. She was more feminine than me. She didn't have short hair anymore like Kate described, but a pony tail pulled through the back of her work hat.

"Uh... pizza and soda?" She asked with a tired and awkward smile.

"Can I ask you one question?" I started the forced interaction.

"Of course?"

"Did you know Kate Marsh?"

It was dead silent. There was fear in her eyes as she stared at the both of us. She threw the pizza at us and dropped the coke on the ground, running to the car. Chloe was faster as she ran after her and grabbed her, lifting her off the ground as she thrashed and kicked. She dragged her into her house, closing the door with her foot.  _What a waste of food and drinks. It's all on the damn ground!_

Chloe stuck her onto the dining room chair, turning on the light like it was an interrogation.

"Please don't hurt me, I-I'll tell you anything and everything about Kate! I knew her in ninth grade and we always shared a dorm, I'll say anything!"

"You're such a pussy..." Chloe rolled her eyes.

"Don't be scared. We just have a few questions. Or, a lot of questions."

"Shoot! I mean—please don't shoot. Ask anything."

I had to get the adrenaline out first. Like an interrogation, Chloe was watching her with a death glare while I paced behind her. "First... why? why did you do that to Kate?"

She calmed down. Interlocking her fingers on the table and the staring down at them. "I... I didn't know either."

"What do you mean?"

"Like, I didn't understand that I was doing that to her too. I forced her to do things... I forced acts onto her and when it was over, even when she was clearly hurting, I tried to tell her that everything was okay.  _What I did_ was okay. And... it worked! Kate was in love with me. I was in love with her. But, as I grew more, I realized I hurt her. I tried to ignore it at first, but it was eventually too much. I had to admit that I did that to Kate. But, I know there's no excuse..."

"You hurt Kate. The moment you did, you knew what you were doing."

"I don't get it either!" She was on the verge of tears. "I tried to figure it out, but nothing! I loved her! I didn't want to lose her!"

"Was your first time, the one she told me, the truth?!"

"Yes! Our first was awkward and bad and didn't work out, but I... wanted more. I needed more. I needed her!"

"So you lied!"

"Fuck you!" Chloe took matters into her own hands and slammed her fist into the pizza girl's cheek. "Fuck! You!"

"Please... I just want to talk to her."

"Shut up." Chloe spat at her.


	50. Chapter 50

"Wait, please, let me explain!" She tried to convince us. In the back of my mind, I really wanted to hear what else she had to say. At the same time, I was hella ready to beat her.

I gave Chloe a look, "Let her talk. She can't redeem herself anymore, but let her say her piece before we get her out of here."

She folded her arms, "Fine. You got two minutes."

The pizza girl sitting at the dining table deeply sighed and then interlocked her fingers, "When I first met Kate, I was lovestruck. Like, I saw her, met her in the same dorm, and knew I wanted to be married to her. Have you guys felt that way?"

Chloe could agree, but she sneered instead. I certainly haven't, but change "marry" to "date" and that was how I felt about Kate. I was still angry just listening to her and trying to save herself from what she did, but the damage was done. She was constantly on my mind talking to her ex. I never want to learn her name; there was no reason to.

After we didn't reply, she continued, "I really wanted to be with her. She's so nice and so sweet to everyone, I couldn't let her be anyone else's. That senior year, after our first time, I couldn't let that bad experience ruin that! I didn't know at the time, but I did force her and did push myself onto her... I didn't know it was bad at the time... Kate was so... numb and emotionless after what I did. Every single time. I had to convince her she was okay and I thought she really believed it. I saw it in her eyes. She was always up late and she lost interest in everything. I kept doing what I did... She seemed to smile more, but I know she was just hurting more. By the time it was graduation, she was attached to me. I had to let go and know that I was a piece of shit. I mean, I  _am_. She forced saying "I love you" to me, but I just never asked for her to be my girlfriend and she never asked me. I can't imagine she feels better now."

"She doesn't." I blurted. "She's hurting and confused. She keeps coming to me for help and just wants to understand why. Now she'll know and at least  _you_ know that you're shit." That was aggressive, even for me. It was true, though.

"I wish I could fix it, but there's nothing I could do anymore. I know that." She couldn't make eye contact anymore.

Chloe and I made eye contact, looking at each other with an uncaring, "don't give a shit" look. We both had the same thought in our heads: "Victoria's after your ass now."

" _And_ ," I added on, "You apologize to Kate, then you'll never,  _ever_ speak to her again."

She hesitated, but said, "Okay..."

"Right here. Right now." I pulled my phone out and called her number, putting it on speaker.

"Hello?" Kate's voice was tired, but had a hint of happy.

A moment of silence past.

"Max?"

"Uh, h-hey," she started, "Kate. I met your... friends."

"Oh, good evening. You met Chloe and Max? That's nice."  _Kate is pissed off. She had to have a million different emotions going through her._

She hummed, "Anyway, Max wanted me to apologize. To you."

"... Oh." She sounded somber again. "I'm listening."

"I apologize for... what I did to you. All those times I hurt you... physically, emotionally, whatever else. I understand if you never want to talk to me again or see me ever again. I'll understand if you don't even want to accept my apology! I know I'll never forgive myself. I'm truly sorry for what I did."

"I-I..." Kate tried to say something. She forced out, "I do forgive you. But, I think it's for the best that we never interact from now on. I hope you think about what you did and that it'll help you become a better person."

A wave of silence washed over us. No one could say anything; I couldn't think of anything to say. I grabbed my phone, turning the speaker off and leaving out the room into the hallway.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked first.

"I feel... I feel fantastic." She said with a happy tone. "I feel like a weight just lifted off my shoulders. Thank you, Max."

"Anything for you, Kate. I'll see you when I get back, okay?"

"Can't wait."

I walked back and Chloe was already grabbing her by her shirt and dragging her out.

"I'll get you guys that pizza again." She reassured as she looked at the box and slices lying at the front door.

"Forget it. Heard it was shit." Chloe opened the front door and threw her out.

After slamming the door, she looked down at the floor covered in cheese and pepperoni, "Shit. She's a fucking mess."

We were reluctant to clean it up, but we did so, tossing the slices in the trash bin and, sadly, none could have been saved. Not even the Coke left outside, that burst open as it fell down earlier. Chloe took her phone out from the plant, turning the recording off and putting a thumbs up to me. After cleaning, we went back up to Chloe's room, needing some sleep. She landed on her bed on her belly and I simply lied down on my back.

"I fucking hate her." Chloe said one last time.

"Me too, but we'll never see her again and Kate could rest easy."

"If she tries to talk to her, I'm driving back just to kill her."

I punched her arm, but I had to agree.

"I'll explain everything to her. It all sounds crazy, but she needs to know."

"Okay," Chloe turned around to lie on her side towards me, "So then, tomorrow, we'll drive around, see Blackhell, maybe even drive out to see Kate's Jesus school, then we'll head out again. Sound good?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Fuck, we should hella break in again and use that fucking pool."

"Chloe—"

" _Please,_ " she begged, "Just one more time and that's it."

I thought about it. After this, we have to have some stress released from our systems. "Okay, tomorrow, we'll go and swim again. You always have crazy ideas, Chloe."

"That's why you love me." She said with a smirk.

* * *

On this day, Chloe decided to take her truck and cruise in it. We were standing in the Two Whales parking lot after breakfast, both of us were relieved that Frank's van was long gone.

"Okay, so we'll drive around for a bit now and then I'll start the Breaking into Blackwell Plan by getting David's keys." Chloe explained as she unlocked her truck.

"Sounds good." I said as I folded my green plaid shirt's sleeves. It wasn't my style, but everything I was put in was growing on me, to say the least. I was still standing next to her, wanting to talk to her face to face as she was saying the plan so openly.

"I'm hella ready!" Chloe swung her door open.

"Oh," we heard. It was behind Chloe. "Without bringing me along?"

My eyes widen as I recognized the voice.

Chloe, with a growing, but quivering smile, "Rachel?"


	51. Chapter 51

Chloe spun around and there she was. Rachel Amber, now a platinum blonde and was back in her plaid shirt and ripped jeans. Next to her, was another woman. Sera Gearhardt, Rachel's mom.

As my mouth fell open, Chloe ran to her and hugged her tightly. I had to take a picture of that, so I shook my head and took my camera out. After Sera moved to the side with a little smirk, I clicked my camera, then they separated.

"H-how did you know I was here?" Chloe's voice cracked.

"Baby, come on, your selfie had your old room in the back." She raised her eyebrows and laughed. "Plus, since you were here, I decided to cancel any other plans I had. I've worked enough and I think I took enough anger management classes, don't you think? And my mom was able to come!"

They hugged again and Rachel gave her a kiss on the cheek. Chloe had a long sleeve jacket now, covering her new tattoo she shared with her.

"Hey Sera." Chloe waved her hand, but was then pulled into a tight embrace. I think I even heard her back crack.  _It's crazy how similar she and Rachel looked. She's really cool and was so supportive. I couldn't believe the story about Rachel's dad trying to keep them apart._

"God, you gotta be so awkward! You're family, Chloe, we can hug." Sera laughed and then let go of her. "You saved her, Chloe, need I remind you?"

Rachel and Chloe were in a hug again. Chloe chuckled then said, "Yeah, sorry, I'm still hella shocked to see you." I felt weird standing there.

"Actually, uh, I wanted to talk to you." Chloe added, looking towards Sera.

"To me?" She sounded surprised. "What do you need from me?"

"Come on, let's walk and talk." Chloe let Rachel go and walked away from us. This prompted Rachel to finally hug me.

"Oh, my god, you look hella cool!" She said, touching my bangs. "And you have a tattoo, you're looking so awesome I could cry!"

"I can't believe you're actually here." My eyes looked to the side from time to time to see Chloe and Sera talking. I knew Chloe was asking for permission to marry Rachel, but instead of taking out the real ring, she took out the ring pop she still had. I could see the pink and blue packet from where I was standing.

"Me neither, but who ever said I was predictable?" She laughed. "It's so weird to be back here. I hated this town. But, here I am. I missed you  _so_ much!" She hugged me tightly again. So tightly, in fact, I heard my back crack. I hugged her back, "Missed you too."

"Oh, my god… did you fucking kill that girl?"

"It's a long story." I waved my hand, laughing awkwardly at the memory. "But, Chloe got a good punch in."

She gasped, "God, I love her."

"You're gonna love her a lot soon."  _That sounds ominous as hell. Why did I say it? Why did I worded it like that?_

Rachel's eyebrows furrowed, but she nodded anyway.

"You look nice too, by the way." I added. "Platinum blonde's your color."

"You think so?" She grabbed a lock of it. "I had to do it for a photoshoot. I'm hella glad to be with you and Chloe again. I need to learn how to chill and have fun again." She laughed.

"I think so and no problem, Chloe has something special planned today."

"Can't wait!" She said happily.

Chloe and Sera came walking back, Chloe's arm around Sera's shoulders. In her other hand, she still had the ring pop. She shoved it into Rachel's hands, "I love you, bitch."

"Why thank you." She laughed louder through her sentence. "I ain't never gonna stop loving you, bitch. Is this your proposal?"

"No, I just love you." I could tell by the look on her face that she wanted to say yes.

Rachel snickered as she opened the package and then placed the large ring around her left ring finger, licking the candy.

All four of us laughed out.  _Oh Chloe. You can be awkward sometimes._

"Well, you three enjoy your time. I'm going to eat here and have a talk with Joyce, if I can." Sera said. She kissed Rachel's temple, telling us to take care of her. We all waved goodbye to her as she went into the diner.

"Fifteen days?" Rachel poked her finger at the blue post-it Chloe still had on her jacket.

"I've been sober for fifteen days, or sixteen now. Thanks to Max, who was counting."

"I'm so proud of you." They kissed again. Rachel then turned her attention to our ride, "Wow, this truck still works good, huh?"

"It has hella Chloe magic."

"Even after three years, that's hot." She said with a smirk. "Then, tell me babe, what are we doing today?"

"We're gonna cruise." She opened the truck's door. "Go see Kate's school, go see Blackwell, maybe do something you want to do, then the kicker, we're going back into that pool, I swear to God."

"Yes, please, I need to wash all this model and fame off me." She sighed in relief. She got into the truck, sitting in the middle and making me sit at the window.

"I got hella sick of driving around in these black, tinted cars. I miss being in this thing." She rested her head on Chloe's shoulder. Chloe and I gave each other a look, still in disbelief Rachel was here. Whatever the look was—love, most likely—there was a mutual feeling.

* * *

I asked Kate for her high school's address last night and it was still a lot of miles off of Arcadia Bay.

"Hella crazy how Kate was this close to us." Rachel said. We agreed with nods.

I sighed, "It's weird how different things could be right now if I knew her sooner."

"That reminds me," Rachel took her head off and looked to me, "How are you, Max? About the anxiety and being with Kate at all."  _Oh dog, it's all been so much. My anxiety was the least of my problems._

"Um, I—"

Chloe scoffed, "She kissed her."

"What?! And you didn't  _tell_ me?" She really was offended by that.

"Because I didn't know! It was dark, then I remembered it tasted like strawberries and she had strawberry chapstick! I'm losing my shit too, okay?!"

Rachel grabbed my shoulders, "What the hell! Are you kidding me?! What were you thinking?!"

"I don't know, Rachel, it just happened! Stop yelling!"

It took half an hour into the drive for Rachel to stop being mad and she focused more on finishing her ring pop (though she was glaring and ignoring me). In the distance, we saw an ordinary high school. In big, bold letters, it was clearly the word "Christian" written boldly on the school sign. However, there were multiple buildings, which I only assumed were the dorms the students lived in. It was also clear that it was "all girls."

"She paid tuition for this?" Chloe seemed to criticize the school.

"Hey, she went here for entire high school career. But, let's get out of here, I do get bad vibes here after who we just met." I rubbed the back of my neck.

"What was that like?"

"You explain it, Maximilian. I'm too fucking mad to talk about it."

I took a deep breath and started to explain the whole thing. Especially how she tried to explain herself about how she felt about Kate and trying to make us relate to her somehow, which was fucking horrible to think about. I ended with the phone call, which was the most nerve-wracking part of the whole thing.

"Holy shit..." was the only thing Rachel could say.

"We were only gonna be here for four days and that was the only goal we had." I avoided talking about Chloe's goal, but I wanted to tell Rachel that she was going to be engaged soon.

"I would hella beat her ass if I saw her." Rachel said after being baffled.

"I already did that and we also messed with Frank by fucking with his food." Chloe said proudly.

"Wow," she said with a laugh, "You would do that."

"I didn't. She did that."

"Because you told me!" I had to add.

"That... somehow makes more sense." Rachel chuckled at both of us and then messed with our hair. "I love you guys!"

* * *

After that, we headed home. Chloe still had to go out and get the keys from David. He should be home, since the car-drive to and from Kate's old school took way longer than we thought. We got into small talk about Rachel's time being back to her famous self and, before every sentence she had to say, she groaned about it. She was only happy to take another photo for her Instagram of her and Chloe. When we got to her house, there was a car in the front, letting us know that David was home. When we got onto the driveway, the motion-sensor light over the garage turned on.

"Okay, David might talk to you," Chloe looked to Rachel, "So, you do that and Max and I will go get that key."

"You got it." I nodded and Rachel did too.

We got out of the car, but Rachel wanted a picture with Chloe, kissing of course, under the light for her Instagram. She posted it and then showed it to me.

 _"Back with my love -RA"_ with a little heart emoji.

"Nice," I nodded as I went to the previous page and saw how her page went back to a more black and white theme. Her picture just now was the only one in color.

"Okay, let's go in."

We followed Chloe into her house and then she yelled, "David, we're home!"

"Evening," he was sitting at the couch, watching a cop show on TV, "Oh, Rachel, you're here."

"Hey David," Rachel waved her hand and approached him as he stood up, "How are you?"

"I've been alright. Tiring day today."

Chloe nudged me in my side and waved her hand to go upstairs. I followed her up, going straight to Joyce and David's room and saw right away that the keys were... not there. We split to search the room, finding nothing in the end. We then went into the other rooms, Chloe's and the bathroom: nothing. Dumb to look in Chloe's, but we were desperate.

"Damn it, are you fucking serious?" She huffed.

"It might be downstairs still."

"Damn it." She repeated that with every step we took, turning into a whisper.

As we went back down, we heard, "I truly am happy you're with Chloe. I can see now that she's happier."

"Thank you, David. That means a lot coming from you. But, I think I'll go and be with those two now, if you don't mind."

"By all means, go ahead."

We heard Rachel coming up and then pulled out the jumbo key ring full of keys.

"Yes!" Chloe said in a whisper-yell, "We're going, right now." She went down the stairs, "David, we're heading out again. We just needed something."

"Alright, don't crash the truck now, you hear?"

_I wonder what the conversation was. He apologized to me and Chloe, so maybe he had another one for her too. It would be nice and it would make sense. Now's not the time, though. He's happy they're together._

* * *

We were cheering loudly as we left the driveway and went to Blackwell. The school was still the same and, because it was still the same, Chloe decided to park very badly and took up two spaces. We had to be calm and not alarm anyone in the school. Stealthy, Chloe was given the keys and then guided us through the school (with some help from me) and into the Blackwell pool. Everything, in the dark anyway, was exactly the same.

"Girls or boys locker room?" She asked, reminding me of when she asked that for the first time. We went through the boys' first, which prompted her to call me a "perv."

"Girls." We all replied and went through the room.

The pool looked like a tranquil, bright blue, lit by the lights under the water. Chloe went down to the water and dipped her hand into it, feeling the temperature of the water. "Perfect." She said.

I was gonna go into the water with them, but instead, I thought it would be better to take pictures of them.

"Oh, hey, check this out." I heard Chloe say as she took her jacket off. She showed off her star tattoo on her arm. Picture taken there:  _click._

"You got one to match mine?" She sounded touched by Chloe's commitment, hand over her heart and all. "Aw, baby!"

Before Rachel could hug her, she took the other ring pop out of her pocket, "For you."  _Click._

"Another one?" Rachel was amused, but not surprised. "I'll eat it later."

They started to undress, wearing only their bra and underwear to swim in. I saw they were getting ready to jump in at the same time, so before both their feet got off the ground, I took the shot.

They did cannonballs into the water, then started to splash each other as their laughs echoed in the room.  _Click._

Chloe started to do to the Jaws theme song as she went towards Rachel. She started to swim away from her as her humming went fast.

"No, no, no, Chloe!"

Chloe's arms made the water around her splash as she caught Rachel and then they fell underwater. When the rose to the surface again, their hair was pushed back from being so wet and they were holding onto each other for stability.  _Click._

"I missed you, Chloe Price." Rachel said, then kissing her.

"I missed you too, Rachel Price. I mean, Amber, fuck." Chloe laughed.

Rachel did too, "Oh? I hella like the sound of that."  _Click._

_I do feel kind of strange for taking pictures of them while they were swimming, but I knew there were going to be so many good opportunities. I'm not a perv for this, right? Right._

"First, you get the same tattoo as me, which is hella sweet of you, now you call me with your last name. And the ring pops!" Rachel knew what was going on. It was hard getting passed her. "What are you planning?"

Chloe was ready to lose her shit but said, "Hey, do you want to see which one could hold their breath longer?! Yes okay ready set go!" Then she sunk into the water.

Rachel followed, no questions asked. I took that time to check out the photos I just developed, seeing how dream-like they ended up being. When Chloe showed up her tattoo, when she gave Rachel the other ring pop, the moment before they jumped into the water, them holding each other in the water, when they were laughing, there was only so many touching moments I could take. I then heard the water splash and gasps for air, knowing I knew they came back up for air.

"I think I won, Rache." Chloe said proudly.

"We came at the same time!"

"Wow, that's  _never_ happened before—" Before she could finish, Rachel splashed water at her. They laughed again and then went to the ledge of the pool, resting their arms on the wet floor.

"Tell me, why my star?" Rachel asked.

"It reminds me of you. Other than being yours, we talked about how stars reminds us that there's always more out there and that there'll always be there. Then you got yours just for me about leaving Arcadia Bay together. And your nightlight thing."

"I still use that." She mentioned.

"It's you. It's us, you know?"

"Yeah, and it'll always be us." They kissed again. I felt the passion in it; I knew it was full of love for each other.  _Click._

"God, I forgot about your scar." She looked at Rachel's arm, with a giant line of a scar on her bicep.

"I wanted to cover it, but then I thought, hey, it looks badass on its own. Plus, Chloe fucking Price saved me."

Without hesitation, she kissed her arm.  _Click._

"Max, you don't want to get in?" Rachel turned to me.

"Taking photos is more fun." I answered with a smile.

All three of us chuckled and I couldn't help but take another photo.

* * *

Unlike before, we weren't caught or chased out, but instead was able to walk freely. They reeked of chlorine and they were shivering a tiny bit, but other than that, they were happy. I had to roll the window down so I didn't die from the chemical water they were in. Chloe made us go through her bedroom window, and we had to put the keys back somewhere that seemed normal. I had to do that, placing them on the bedside table of Joyce and David's room.

That meant they wanted me to be distracted so they could shower together.

I took my phone out again and called Kate. "Hello?" She answered.

"Hey Kate, just checking up. I saw your school. It's okay, according to everyone else's opinion."

She laughed, "It's just like a college there. You pay for tuition and everything. As if I wasn't drowning in debt enough."

I chuckled, "I know that feeling. How have you been? Sleeping better?"

"As well as I can. Victoria helped sometimes, but she needs her sleep too." I heard her yawn. "I better sleep now, actually. Do you mind?"

"I don't mind at all. I'll see you tomorrow then, okay?"

"Can't wait. Goodnight, Max, sweet dreams."

"You too, Kate."

* * *

_May 14, 2015 12:30 AM_

_Oh. My. Dog. Rachel is here! She's here! She's here and she's real! She was so happy to see us and I've never seen either of them so happy. Ever. We went on a road trip to Kate's school, we went to the Blackwell pool again, and everything feels so whole again. I missed her a lot and I'm proud of her too for taking those anger management classes (she hates them, of course). And of Kate too! She's been very strong through this. Her ex (I don't want to call her that) was really annoying and, now, I really wanted to kill her. Maybe I should've let Chloe do that._

_No, I don't want her to go to prison._

* * *

I put my phone back in my bag and placed it on the ground next to the bed, getting into bed and immediately knocking out into sleep. It was one of those sleeps you have when you don't remember your dream whatsoever, but the sleep was really deep. I woke up with Chloe and Rachel on both of my sides, holding me and cuddling with me in the middle like two new parents.

I forced myself out of their hug, but they automatically got closer to each other. Another picture wouldn't hurt.


	52. Chapter 52

"Call me as soon as you get back to San Francisco." Joyce said as she hugged Chloe and Rachel. She was the one who got up at five AM to say goodbye to us. She turned to me, "If she doesn't do that, you call me."

It seemed that Sera had come over during the night, which was the only reason I could think of that Joyce was so energetic. I could only imagine that she and Sera had a strong relationship, especially now because Chloe had asked permission to marry Rachel from both of them. Plus, she most likely brought Rachel's suitcase.

I worked up a tired chuckle, "Will do, Joyce."

"Alright, mom," Chloe chuckled and grabbed her into another hug, "We gotta get home. Wonder WoMax has class or whatever and I have to get back to work."

"And you, Rachel, it was great to see you again." Joyce nodded her head.

Rachel gave her a side-hug instead, "Great to see you again too. I'll take care of them, okay?"

"I doubt it, but thank you for saying it anyway."

We got into Chloe's old Honda, putting our bags in the trunk, then drove out of Arcadia Bay. Of course, now that Rachel was here, I was shoved into the back seat and getting car sick. I decided to take another photo of them, as they went back to hand holding and being in conversation about what they'll do when they get back. I took the picture out, developed it, and handed it to Rachel.

"That's hella pretty." She said in a happy tone. Not like hype and excitement, but calm and almost wistful. "I already have a picture from you, plenty, so maybe you should keep it."

"Are you sure?" I asked again, taking out the other pictures from the night at the pool. "You can look through these and you can pick."

Rachel chuckled, but said, "You need a portfolio, Max. I think you should keep them."

I smiled and put all the photos back in my bag.  _At this point, I have nearly a million pictures of just Chloe and Rachel, both separate and together. And those are from recently!_  I still had plenty from when I was still in high school and from our crazy adventures. Though, maybe they'll want them someday.

* * *

The car ride was boring and  _that_ was an understatement.

We stopped at gas stations (beforehand we went to the pizza shop and got that free pizza, no need to explain ourselves, but we finished that in two hours), fill gas and get snacks and drinks from the little store, along with Chloe keeping another cigarette in her mouth that she didn't light. Rachel thought it was cute, so Chloe might do that every single day.

"What's the first thing you're going to do when you get back?" Rachel asked me.

"Go see Kate, of course." I said with a big smile. It was a lot bigger than I intended it to be.

"I want to see her too!" Rachel added.

My phone vibrated.  **Good morning, Max!**

Kate sounded happy today. I texted back,  **Morning, Kate. Are you doing anything today?**

"I can't wait to be back in your guys' place too! I can't wait to be surrounded by photos of bands and your work and be on that wrinkled, undone bed and uncomfortable couch. I was so sick of that nice, fucking hotel with that useless gold chandelier and silky bed I kept falling off of."

"Silk's worse than  _our_  bed?" Chloe sounded kind of offended.

"Honestly, as long as you're on it," Rachel leaned over and kissed her cheek, "I don't mind any bed."

**Kate: I have class today, but I'll be back by evening. Are you back in San Francisco?**

The smile hasn't left my face yet,  **Will be soon. I want to see you today, so evening?**

**Kate: Of course! Seen you at 6?**

**Me: Perfect.**

During the rest of the ride, Chloe and Rachel were talking about Chloe's job and how she still worked when she was still sick, but only to reunite Dana and Juliet. The second I was about to fall asleep, Chloe decided to talk to me.

"Hey," she raised her voice, looking at me through her rear-view mirror, "Max."

"Yeah?"

"I dare you to do something."

"What? Why?" I shook my head in disbelief.

"I see you smiling like a goof back there. You're texting Kate."

I huffed and felt my cheeks burn, in a tired sigh, "Fine. What is it?"

"Since you're smiling, I could only guess that Kate is also happy. So, I dare you to kiss her."

"What—"

"I double-dare you. Kiss her when you see her."

I couldn't argue. I knew that Rachel was in on the plan.  _I hate to surprise her with that. Maybe if she's more comfortable in the future._

"What's the big deal? You've kissed her before."

"Yeah, but not knowing it! Not with the intention! It was an accident."  _And her trauma._

"I know, but now you could try again,  _while you can see her."_

I crossed my arms and decided to lean against the car door, trying to go and take a nap. I could hear the two of them snickering to themselves, really wanting the idea, the dare, to work.

* * *

"Hey!" I was forced awake by Chloe's voice. I couldn't help but heave my breathing as I searched around. Judging by the steep street we were on, we were back in San Francisco.  _Shit, was it a bad dream? I don't even remember._

"We're here." Chloe added.

"Are you okay?" Rachel turned around to look at me, concerned. "Did you have a bad dream?"

"Maybe?" I replied with a laugh, "I just need to rest somewhere better."

"Sure, do you want the bed for now? Chloe and I are gonna go somewhere and I would hate for you to still be on the couch."

"No, no, it's fine. I'm used to it. Where are you two gonna go?"

"To go eat! I need food and then go out on a small date, maybe even come back home to watch a movie."

"Just watch a movie, right?"

"Oh yeah, no bullshit or hidden innuendos, I promise."

I chuckled, "Okay. I'm going to see Kate at around six, so you two do that."

We arrived back to the familiar apartment building, even sighing in relief and brought all of our bags to the fifth floor, where we threw our bags into the bedroom, still left as is.

"I can't believe how happy I am to be here!" Chloe cheered. We agreed.

"We'll wait with you to take you to Kate's apartment. I hope Victoria isn't there." Rachel rolled her eyes at even saying her name.

"Actually, she likes us. Even Chloe, who annoyed the shit out of her. She likes us, Rache. " I said so confidently, but my heart raced and pounded in my chest.  _Wowser, that was crazy to say._ Rachel's face rose in surprise, but smiled.

* * *

Chloe and Rachel went into the bedroom, leaving the door open to let me know they weren't doing anything and using  _my laptop_ to watch movies. I was outside, on my phone while it was charger, forcing me to lean on the armrest to not pull the plug.

I was checking on Rachel's social media, except for Tumblr, which was a bunch of aesthetic photos she updated once in a while. Rachel's Instagram was definitely the most interesting one. The last picture in black and white was her and her mom in what looked like a studio. I found that strange; I would think that kind of picture would be in color. From the picture of them kissing in the driveway, she added three more, still in color and more vibrant than the time she was still working.

The one after was a picture of her wearing the orange and red ringpop on her left ring finger, with the joking caption,  _I said yes, lol. -RA_

_It won't be a joke for long._

The next one was of their matching tattoos. No caption, no witty or deep paragraph, it was just that. Lastly, it was back at Joyce and David's house, while lying in her bed, Chloe kissing Rachel's cheek. There was another one next to it as I pressed the arrow. It was the first picture they ever took together at the Firewalk concert. The caption said:

_I met my love when I was sixteen. I'll never forget seeing her fight someone, hitting a guy with a glass bottle, I had to pull her along. She had a really bad black eye, but she was still hot! We've been through so much and I have so much to thank her for. She helped me find my real mom. She saved my life, damn it! I wouldn't know where I would be without her. The drama with me and my sexuality was hella annoying, but now I could show her off. So, fuck you to everyone who doesn't like it. -RA_

I felt my mouth curl into a smile.  _They were such liars for saying they didn't want to marry each other._  As I checked her Twitter, she held a lot of AMAs for the time being.

_Do you miss your girlfriend?_

**All the time!**

That was the last question she answered. When I scrolled down, she answered  _hundreds_ of them, but most were a lot about coming out and figuring out who they were, so she privately talked to them.

I exited out after reading most and, turns out, it was already five-forty.

"You ready to go, Max?" Rachel walked out, sitting down next to me. "Chloe fell asleep, but I'll wake her up in a bit."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"Are you guys  _really_ just five years? I feel like it's been ten… hundred."

Rachel giggled, "Yeah, Max, I'm sure it's five years. I'm just hella happy to be here again!" She hugged me tightly, placing her head on my shoulder. "Thank you for saying we've been together for ten hundred years."

"It's your guys' relationship! I dunno. I'm jealous."

"But then people would tell us to get married and I don't want my feed  _full of that._ We'll get married when we'll get married."

I only nodded. I kind of hated hiding Chloe's plan, but it was hard to surprise this girl.

"Okay, I'm gonna go and wake her up." Rachel stood up. Before she walked out, she said, "Show me that tattoo later, okay?"

I nodded again, laughing this time.

* * *

Chloe and Rachel took me to Kate's apartment, then telling me they were going off to their date.

"Don't forget the dare!" Chloe reminded, then drove away.  _Sorry Chloe. Not doing it._

I shook my head, snickering at her, then walked up to Kate's door and knocked. It took a moment before Kate answered the door, automatically jumping into my arms for a hug.

"I missed you so much!" Kate said joyfully. I hugged her back. I missed her, but I was so relieved to see her so happy. So full of life and had a sparkle in her eye.

When she pulled away, the first thing I noticed was her hair being shorter. It was a little wavy, probably from having it in her usual bun, but it was cut just above her shoulders.

"I missed you too. You cut your hair recently?"

"Victoria made me do it." She said, "new quarter, new me. But seems like you did too! I like it, especially the blue." She replied, touching the blue part of my bangs. "I miss mine already. But, come in, Max. I actually made you some coffee inside. Victoria doesn't drink it, but she had one of those fancy machines, I don't think she'll mind."

We walked in together and, indeed, I could smell the brewed coffee in the apartment. My mouth watered at it, wanting to gulp down the whole pot. Next, I felt the actually place was cold inside.

"So, how was your time in Oregon again?" Kate asked as she grabbed two mugs.

"It wasn't great at first, but Rachel's back, so she made everything exciting again." I watched as she poured coffee into one.

"That's nice." She sighed, seemed like she was readying herself to say the next sentence. "How was meeting—"

"That was the "wasn't great" part of the trip."

"Do you want to talk about it?" She poured a mug of tea from the kettle on the stove.

"Of course, it involves you, so you deserve to know. She explained herself about what she did to you, albeit fast and not very good, something about wanting you to herself and how she didn't know what she was doing was bad. Then, she called you."

Kate didn't say anything as she sat down, placing the mugs down and getting a chocolate cake pop from the box. I also grabbed one.

"It was really something I wanted to talk about. Well, not her, I'm done with her and we had another talk, saying the same things you just said. I wanted to say something about my faith. My therapist said it's good for me to open up to friends about it."

"Sure, I'm all ears. I know that you're religious and you dedicated yourself to it."

She took a drink and finished eating her pop, "I sat myself down and wrote down what I thought. I still personally believe in God, follow his word, go to church, and I'm still proud to identify as it. When I thought about it, Christianity has been... hard to follow. After everything happened in school with her and hearing my family say horrible things about gay people, I hated being hurt by my own faith and it was more hateful than I thought. I still love God and what he teaches his children, but if people interpret it as hating others who aren't Christian or what have you, then maybe I should take a step back. Maybe not let it guide my whole life, I mean, everyone thinks I'm a walking sin. The Bible says nothing of it, by the way."

"So, what does this mean?"

"I'm still Christian, but I've been having a difficult time, especially knowing now what she did to me in a sacred establishment… Maybe take some time away from the church."

"It's okay to feel that way." I drank a little bit. "You've been through a lot, Kate, and I'm proud of you for getting through it. I can see you're feeling better."

"I'm happy to see you! I could talk to you in person rather than on the phone." She used the hair tie around her wrist and put her hair up again in a bun. "I mean… of course I'm not completely healed, it'll never go away from what my therapist explained, but I'll manage better soon."

I smiled and nodded at her. I couldn't say anything. All I wanted to do was look at her. She smiled back, "What are you looking at?"

"The prettiest thing I've ever seen."

She shook her head, changing her smile into a coy one, "Tell me more about your trip."

"Don't kill me, but we went back to our high school and broke into the pool." I reached into my bag for the pictures. "I didn't jump in. These two did."

"Wow, these are so gorgeous." I handed them and she flipped through. "You have a great eye. I'm almost kind of jealous. I tried my hand at photography and I was told I was good at it, but I found myself gravitating to art."

"Do you have any pictures? I would love to see them." I felt myself become giddy.

"Not here, I didn't bring them with me to California. I would love another professional opinion."

I laughed at "professional" being used for  _me_ , "I'm nowhere near that."

"I think so."

After that, we shared a laugh and continued to eat, then I remembered Kate saying something about a date.

"Were you serious about the date?"

"Yes, of course, I think I said when you come back. I'll let you know when we could do that. Maybe when my therapy sessions are over?"

"How are those, by the way?"

"Good! It feels nice, now that I can finally talk about my issues. What about you? Has your anxiety acted up since you left?"

"Only once, when I… I saw her."  _Nope, it was just Frank and his beans._ "Is Victoria here?"

"No, she has something to do tonight. Quite literally, she has a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend, she didn't specify. Did you need to talk to her?"

I choked on my coffee. "Kinda, but my dog, Kate, I didn't know you made jokes like that."

"I started. I learn a lot from my friends, but they were as surprised as you. Which, I'm so excited to show you the film! That's where we need to go for our date."

"I'm okay with that!"

We talked, finished our drinks and the kettles, finished the cake pops, and went on about our days apart, especially Kate's since she took her sketchbook out and shared me all the drawings she did of our school, her friends, and San Francisco. She even made pictures from memory of me, Chloe, and Rachel! Somehow, they were like mirror image and I had to applaud her for that.

"Victoria will never admit this to you, but we're friends now. She doesn't actually hate me."

"I'm glad! See, I told you she's really nice."

"I'm sorry for not believing you. I apologize for Chloe and Rachel too."

Kate looked out the window, "Oh, it's getting late. The sun's already gone. Maybe you should get home."

"I feel like I just got here." I stood up. "Well, one picture before I go."

Kate smiled as I took my camera out. Naturally, when I put my arm around her shoulders, her arms went around my torso in a close embrace.

_I double-dare you. Kiss her when you see her._

Before I could think about it more, Kate kissed my cheek and I clicked for the shot. I looked at her as the photo came out. She only had a coy smile and a clear blush over her cheeks.

"Did y-you want this picture?" I shook the polaroid around and it developed.  _Oh my dog oh my dog oh my dog—_

"Nope, I already have a picture." She shook her head. "Thank you, Max."

I put my camera and the photo away. She walked me out the door and said the usual text me when you get home, then went back inside. I was still in shock that Kate casually kissed my cheek. I had to touch it, almost like it burned a little.  _I can't even function right now._


	53. Chapter 53

I had to walk away. I tripped over a couple of cracked concrete and got scared by a pigeon, but I was by the parking lot. I couldn't help but pace around, my mind racing, biting on my nails, the scene repeating over and over again.  _Why am I freaking out so much?! I look like a tomato! I know it! I—what—Strawberries!_

I pounded my thumbs into my phone, texting Chloe  **GET THE FUCK OVER HERE** with no context or explanation, but to only hope she would come as soon as she can. She went another text back, something along the lines of  **what the fuck** , but I just sent  **IT'S IMPORTANT.**

Kate kissed me. On the cheek, but she kissed me. I had no idea why I was reacting so much. I had to repeat that in my mind, up until Chloe drove into the parking lot, alone, and asked, "Hey, why the fuck are you so—"

"Chloe, you're not gonna believe this shit!" I grabbed her arms.

She was surprised, eyes widen and eyebrows raised, then with a nervous chuckle, "What happened between you two?"

"You dared me to kiss her, so—"

She grabbed my arms back, eyes wider, "No  _fucking way_!"

" _She_ kissed me, Chloe! Or, uh, I mean, she kissed my cheek, but it was on purpose!" I grabbed her shoulders, shaking her back and forth. "Chloe, I can't go back in there. Seriously, she just planted it on me! Help me!"

"How can I help you?! Bitch, it's your relationship!"

"There's no relationship here!"

"Then make it happen already!"

Before I could say anything back, we heard a, "I see you saw Kate already."

Victoria was near her door, hand on her hip, and there was a person next to her, her other hand was holding onto hers. I wanted to rub my eyes at the sight. I never imagined Victoria being into skater girl types, or just punks like Chloe  _in general_ , but here she was. Victoria's expensive shirt and jeans clashed with her supposed-girlfriend's casual sweatshirt and sweatpants, I couldn't believe they were real and that they were standing next to each other. It was a familiar face, to say the least.

"Yes, but I wanted to talk to you." I got out of the car, Victoria excused herself, and we went to the side, "Speaking to her ex was a fucking nightmare, but I recorded the whole thing."

"Good, it'll certainly help getting her into prison. It'll be shitty, but I'll do what I can." She crossed her arms. With a smirk, "Good job."

"Thanks. I'll send it to you later."

"I'll be waiting."

Before she walked away, I grabbed her arm, "Is that girl over there your…?"

"I could never tell my other friends she's my girlfriend. She doesn't like them anyway." She looked back to her, who was talking to Chloe. "Only you two know about her. Kate hasn't seen her yet, until now, anyway."

"Your secret's safe with me."

* * *

When Chloe got into the driver's seat, we watched as Victoria hugged her date, for an achingly long time, but then pull her into the apartment. Kate must be surprised to see or hear this go down.  _I do feel bad for Kate. It reminds me of myself with Chloe and Rachel._

Chloe and I looked at each other, mouths open, shocked at what we just witnessed.

"What just happened?" Chloe managed to say. "We're in the Twilight Zone, aren't we?"

"Nope, that's just her girlfriend."

Chloe stuck her key into the ignition, after shrugging her shoulders, and drove out, going back to our own apartment.

"You're lucky that Rachel just wanted to stay home and watch movies. You would've been there meeting with  _that_ all by your damn self!" She said it like it was negative, but I knew she didn't mean it as such. "Tell me, how the fuck did this happen?!"

I reached into my bag and took the picture out from earlier, "We decided to take this. She did this suddenly, I didn't tell her to do this! I dunno why I'm reacting like this!"

"Because it happened for real?! Like, it wasn't interrupted or in the dark! Did you say something?"

"No! I dunno what to say! What do I say to that?"

"What the fuck, dude—"

"My heart feels like it's gonna burst out of my chest." I clutched my chest, feeling the speeding thumps against my hand. Chloe shook her head, so disappointed in me.

We arrived back at our apartment, and practically broke into our own front door, where Rachel was sitting on the couch, who then screamed and threw her shoe at Chloe in self-defense.

"Oh, shit!" Chloe blocked it, nearly hitting her in the head, and then grabbed it off the ground again, "What was that for?!"

"I thought you were intruders!" She hopped off the couch. "Why did you guys come in like that?"

"Kate kissed Max!" Chloe pointed her finger at me. "It was her cheek, but it's a hella big deal and she's freaking out!"

"What?! Tell me, Max! Tell me all of it!"

I gave a rundown of the whole situation (added in Victoria too and her girlfriend, she was especially shocked by that), along with showing the picture to her.

"And you didn't talk to her?! Max, you have to say something. Text her, at least!"

"What do I say?! "Lol that was nice?'"  _That sounds so stupid._

"That sounds like a great response!" Rachel patted me on my shoulder. "You do that, while Chloe and I will watch movies, 'kay?"

"Hey, that means you get the bed for the time being!" Chloe added.

That was the only plus to it. I was able to lie in bed as I stared at my phone screen.  _What do I say? This was my problem and my response, so what do I say? Maybe that response is a good idea after all._

I typed it out, admitting to Kate that I was never gonna actually go through with the dare! I was nervous and I wasn't sure what she was going to say my mind racing with how she would be offended, but I kept my breathing steady.

She responded back,  **I wanted to welcome you back! Unless I did it too unexpectedly or made you uncomfortable.**

**Me: I'm not uncomfortable at all, it was nice. I liked it.**

I got a text right away, thinking it was Kate, which made me have a heart attack. But, when I looked at it again, I exhaled in relief.

**Chloe: Hey, help me with proposing? I don't wanna fuck it up.**

I snickered and then said  **K** while adding a smiley face after.

**Chloe: NO**

**Chloe: EMOJI**

Kate texted back,  **I know, but let's kiss again sometime soon?**

I blinked at the screen, until Kate sent a video message. I grabbed my earphones and played it. She was sitting at her desk, her bedroom door clearly closed and she was wearing earphones too, saying: "It's a date at the film festival, okay? I don't know why I'm doing this. Victoria brought her girlfriend home and they  _won't be quiet._ Anyway, July twenty-one, keep that open for the film."

I smiled and tried to send one back, "Hey Kate, sorry that you're dealing with that right now, maybe leave for a little bit. And I will reserve that day just for you. Can't wait."


	54. Chapter 54

I started on my second mission with Chloe and her proposal planning. There was a slight hypocrisy here, when Chloe won't help me and I had to help her, but I guess mine was silly and hers was a huge deal. So, I decided to help her by, first, going into Rachel's feed for inspiration again.

I couldn't believe I didn't notice it before, but her photos were only ever in color when she and Chloe were physically together again. There were plenty of times where she mentioned her or talked to her through Skype, but she never took pictures of them happening. Maybe because, it wouldn't be the same. Rachel was showing what her whole world looked like without her: bleak.

So, pictures. She was a model so she was used to pictures and she thought her world was bright when Chloe was around. Mentioning it again, I still had hundreds of pictures of them. I went through many portfolio folders and I had the stacks from our individual shoots, the light and dark contrast photographs. Many pictures of them back in Arcadia Bay, the times we went to the lighthouse, our times at the junkyard, sneaking into Vortex Club parties and other parties like that, and even though I was graduating, I took a picture of them in their nice outfits.

Now, pictures of them hugging for the first time in months, some from Rachel's mini-fashion show I could print, some I could even take from her Instagram, some I took from my first real photoshoot and the official one, when they met again back in Arcadia Bay, going to the Blackwell pool, together, and then every picture I took in the car. There was enough to make a whole exhibit.

Then, it hit me:  _exhibit._

I quickly stacked all the photos on my desk, all in order in time and separating the ones they were together and not. I tried my best to make them neat, but some were sideways and corners were sticking out, so I just left it. I jumped back into bed, and right on time, Chloe walked in to check on me.

"Hey," she whispered, "Did you find anything?"

"Yeah," I pointed to my desk, "We should do something with those. That's the best idea I got."

"Hella cool, but you should hide those, why the fuck are they just outside?"

"I just finished looking for all of them!" I whisper-yelled.

"Okay, MaxDonald's," she talked in her normal voice, "We're gonna sleep now, so if you don't mind getting out of here." She grabbed the blanket on my office chair and then draped it over the pictures. Back in a whisper, "Let's talk about it tomorrow."

"Wait, one more thing!" I whisper-yelled again. "I need the video from your phone. I have to send it to Victoria."

Chloe groaned silently, but sent it to my phone anyway.

I left the room, passing a tired Rachel who said "goodnight" on the way and giving a weak side hug, and I was back on the couch again.

I looked back on my phone again and realized, there was no one else who could help me with planning the proposal. It was strictly an us thing. Except...

I typed her number right away and I walked into the kitchen, away from those two as much as possible.

* * *

"How long does it take to get to San Francisco?" Joyce sounded very annoyed.  _I feel bad for forgetting about calling her. Good job, Max. Getting scolded sucks._

"Sorry, Joyce, I was hanging out with Kate and those two when on a date, we were all busy."

"Okay, I'll take that excuse. You finally remembered?"

"No. I mean, yes, but I'm calling about Chloe's plans to propose."

"Okay, she has one?"

"No," I played with the spoons and forks in the drying rack, "I'm planning it, she told me, so I was thinking, are you able to bring that truck to San Francisco somehow?"

"Hey Max," Rachel suddenly walked into the room again.

"Gotta go bye." I hung up on Joyce.

"Who were you talking to?"

"Uh, Steph! She's just a friend from a class about some homework. Actually, she totally wants to meet you! What's up?"

"Cool but, uh... Oh, no, nothing, I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of Chloe while she's getting sober right now. I still don't have that video call out of my head and… and it makes me sad every time it comes to mind. So, I do mean this. Thank you for just being in our lives, really."

"I'm happy to be a part of it." I smiled at her. "One question."

"Sure, what is it?"

I turned and walked towards a cabinet, swinging it open to reveal the untouched bottles of booze filling it up, "Do I throw these away or give it to the next person who drinks?"

Rachel sighed then said, "What did Chloe do when she drank too much?"

"Well, she threw one at my head and missed and then slammed me into the floor repeatedly."

Her face changed into a confused expression.  _That was a lot of information._ "Holy shit…" She got on her tiptoes and grabbed two bottles, "Let's just drop these down the sink."

I scoffed at first. I thought it was just a joke and she would just put them back. She popped both the bottles open and started to pour it down, giving a dead look into my eyes to show how serious she was about it. I nodded and then followed what she did, pouring them together into a dangerous concoction down the drain, until every bottle didn't have a single drop in it. "I'm okay, by the way." I wanted to reassure her.

"Good."

"You could recycle if you're into that, or turn them into nice vases. I know I would." Rachel giggled and gave me another hug, "Goodnight, Max, see you in the morning. I forgot that Chloe had work, so if you want to sleep next to me, you could."

"I'll think about it." I grabbed my phone again as she left, instead of calling Joyce, I decided on Kate and checking if Victoria's  _guest_ was still there.

"Hello?"

"Hey Kate, are you doing okay or are they still—"

"They're still together. I never understood why people needed earphones until now, they're great for blocking...  _that_ , out."

"That sounds awful, I wish I could bring you over or something."

"I'll be fine. This is just the first time this has happened. They have a lot of stamina, I'll give them that."

"Wait, it's still happening?"

"Sadly, yes, but Victoria has dealt with my music, so I guess it's my turn." She chuckled, but it was clearly forced.

"First of all, that's not even a fair comparison. Second, you could go to your friend's place, she's right above you, isn't she?"

"You're right, I might sleep at her place for right now. I need to sleep longer now. In fact, I'll do that, thanks, Max!"

* * *

"Hey Max, I'm leaving, so sleep good, alright?" Chloe gave me a quick hug. She was leaving for work. That was the bad part about her working at night.

"Are you sure you don't wanna bring Rachel with you?"

"I want to, but I don't want her to get hounded."

"Right." I nodded.  _Right, famous friend._  "Have fun at work."

I took up Rachel's offer and she slept on Chloe's side, holding me in a loose cuddle, which was super comfortable and relaxing to be in. We said another "goodnight."

 _This proposal thing is making me feel super nervous. It isn't even my proposal!_ I still felt the same amount of anxiety and nervousness anyone would feel while getting ready for this. I couldn't imagine how Chloe was feeling and I wondered how Rachel hasn't figured it out yet.

* * *

I thought I was going to get a good night's sleep, for sure, instead, I woke up at around six AM and to Chloe shaking me around. She just got home, judging by the whites of her eyes being red and still in the jacket and jeans she left in last night.

"Hey," she whispered again, "We gotta go. We gotta plan this shit out."

I was out of Rachel's hug, as she switched to hugging the pillow instead and facing towards the wall. I got up and lazed around to get ready. We left out, the drive was quiet and not even music was playing. She stopped in front of my school, parallel parked and turned her car off.

"So, what are you doing with those photos?" She asked.

"I was thinking, since she's a model and takes all these pictures, you could propose to her with those. Thankfully, I took so many of you two over the course of two years and some change including this year, it would be a good idea."

"Oh, like an exhibit type of shit?"

"Now you get the idea! I called Joyce last night about your truck and, of course, her mom should be a part of it, so if we find a "for lease" building, then we could put those pictures up and then, quite literally, take her down memory lane."

"I hella can't believe I'm doing this." Chloe sighed, but she was still smiling.

"Are you gonna back out?"

"Hell no."


	55. Chapter 55

While Rachel was asleep, Chloe and I went back inside and sneaked out all the photos on my desk. We went back to her car, driving off and sitting inside, now in the parking lot of Kate's apartment. As I was trying to hold all of them in my lap and my hand, I called Kate on my phone to help us with putting the place together.

"You're sure you want Kate to help?" I asked one last time.

"Yep, I know she could help. Somehow, but fuck, I need help." Chloe nodded. "Plus, you need to spend some time with her too."

"Thank you for thinking about that." I meant that genuinely, but the tone sounded borderline sarcastic.  _This is gonna be huge. I don't blame her for wanting all the help she can get._

"Hey Max." Kate greeted. There was a slight tiredness in her voice, but she also sounded happy.

"Hey, Kate," I perked up, clearing my throat to get ready for the question, "I would hate to bother you, but we need your help with something."

"Sure, what do you need?" I could hear her move around, like she was getting out of bed and some voices in the background.

"Well, Chloe needs a little help with...  _making a gift_ , for Rachel and it's kinda a big project. We were wondering if you have time today to help us and maybe some other stuff?"

"Oh, sure! Let me just get ready."

"Uh, we're already here."

"Pardon?" Even she was surprised.

"We had to get away from Rachel! It's a surprise for her! We're not being creepy or anything—"

She started to laugh, causing a weird fluttering feeling to happen in my stomach. "You're not. I'm going back to my room, so let me treat you to breakfast."

"No, Kate, you don't—"

"I insist!"

I sighed, putting down the photos on the car floor. "Okay, we'll stand by your door."

After hanging up, Chloe and I got out and went to the door. I nearly knocked on the door, but then I remember that Victoria and maybe that other girl was still inside.

"Dude, why the fuck am I nervous?" Chloe was trying to pace around and rub her hands together.

"You're  _proposing_ , Chloe. That's a big deal!" I grabbed her arms, shaking her a little. "You're gonna marry Rachel Amber!"

"Holy shit." It was like she  _just_ realized what was going on and why it was happening. "Fuck, I'm freaking out!" She grabbed me and shook me around back, "Max, I'm losing my shit!"

"Don't! You'll be okay! We just have to set up!"

We heard footsteps coming down the stairs, making Chloe and I let go and try to act natural, but from the way Chloe was rubbing the back of her neck and how she was circling around, she was still clearly nervous. I kept repeating "you'll be okay" to her until I saw Kate come around with her bag in her hands.

"Hey Kate!" I waved to her and approached her. "Do you need help with that?"

"No, thank you. What were you two yelling about down here?" She took out a lanyard with a couple of keys on it.

"Nothing!" We said in unison as she passed in between us. I gave Chloe a confused look and she gave one back to me, like "what the fuck, why did you say that too?!" We followed Kate as she unlocked her front door and opened it cautiously. She opened it enough to peek her head in and looked from side to side, then walking in.

"How was sleeping at Ledah's place?" I asked as she placed her bag on her couch, then tying her hair up. We went in and sat on the couch, Chloe, of course, took the longer seat of the sectional.

"It was nice. Luckily, I couldn't hear them from up there. I think they're just happy they could be here. I'm sure she mentioned she can't talk about her with her own group of friends Actually, I've met her for a club once and she's much more hipster than what you saw, but I think the hipster is more... her?" Kate was in the kitchen and all I hear is her talking and metal clinking together. "I don't know, but maybe she took Victoria on a date that involved a skateboard."

"I would  _pay_  to watch that bi— _her_  fall on her face." Chloe's smile grew to her ears, into an almost sinister grin, though it was softened by her correcting herself.

"Like  _you_ never took Rachel to a skate park and tried to show off." I murmured under my breath.

She shushed me right away. Long story short, she nearly broke both of her legs trying to impress Rachel.

"I'm sure she did fall  _and_ I could picture it in my head, but I don't want to laugh about it."

"Why not?!" Chloe stepped her foot down.

"She's my roommate, and if I thought and laughed about it once, I will laugh about it  _every time_ I see her face." A whistling noise started to go off; she was making green tea. "Would you guys like a mug?"

"I'll take one." I said, raising my hand.

"No, thanks." Chloe waved her hand.

"She's... not nice, but she could be nice if she wanted to. You guys know that already." She came back with two mugs, handing me one. "Would you like anything, Chloe?"

"Ah, no, I'm not... that hungry."

"Are you okay?" Kate asked her as she sat next to me.

"Yeah! Why wouldn't I be?! I'm fan-fucking-tastic!"

Kate sipped and looked to me, eyebrows raised like she was waiting for an explanation from me.

"Uh, she's just happy to have Rachel around again! A-and she's mad that we didn't get any cake pops for you this time." It was a horrific lie, not a believable one at all, but Kate nodded.

She chuckled, "It's fine. I've eaten enough, I think I need a rest, right?"

Eye contact felt so  _weird._ There I was again, looking into hazel and shining irises as I melted to hell as a puddle of Max. I cleared my throat as I took a huge gulp of my tea, even though it was burning my throat.

"But, uh, how was the kiss?" Chloe abruptly asked.

As Kate laughed, blushed, and then looked at me, I was choking to death of hot leaf water and I couldn't look back at her.  _Is she talking about the one in the dark?! What is she doing?!_

"I hated catching her by surprise like that, but I was really happy to see her."

"So, if you were to, you know, maybe kiss on the lips—"

" _Chloe_."

"Come on, it's harmless!"

Kate cocked her head to the side, "Are you implying more for touch or taste?"

Again, I choked.

"Either one." She was enjoying this too much.

"I'm guessing she feels nice? She's mentioned you two have kissed before. Maybe you could describe it to me. However, I have a feeling she would taste like coffee."

Chloe lifted her brow. "Well, she did live on coffee for her first quarter, I wouldn't be surprised if that stuck with her."

She laughed again. Light, bubbly, making my heart jump out of my chest.

_They were talking to each other like I wasn't in the room! Like, yeah, I know, my blood stream was practically a coffee stream with cells in it, but don't say it aloud._

"Would you do it, though? Like, actually kiss her."

"With her consent, of course." She looked to me again, taking another sip. _I dunno what to do._  My heart was racing and my hands were shaking so much, tea might spill on the ground.  _Oh my dog oh my dog oh my dog_ —

She turned back to Chloe, "So, what's the gift for Rachel?"

"Oh, you know, just to welcome her back!" That was also a horrible lie. "I love her, so I just want to do something special. Max took enough pictures to help with that!"

"How exciting! Do you need help setting up or what do you need help with?"

"Uh... finding a place to set up?"

"Did you come up with this yesterday?"

"...  _Yeah._ "

* * *

After finishing our cups of tea, we drove out to a place Kate mentioned. It was one of her friend's mom's, a warehouse a few blocks away from the studio we were in for Rachel and Chloe's photoshoot, and it might be perfect. It used to be a museum with multiple rooms and halls, so we might stick to it. I held onto the photos, stacks in my arms but also between my feet as Chloe drove.

"You don't think your friend will mind?"

"I don't think so. It's just used whenever they have parties and we used one of the rooms for a scene in the film. It didn't make it into the final, though."

"Well, we might need to reserve it for a week... maybe two... or a whole month." Chloe tapped her fingers against the steering wheel.

"It's fine! I'll just tell her."

When we arrived at the warehouse, it was similar to the studio: bland-colored building, lots of trees, and it was more wide than it was tall. The difference was instead of an address, it was a "for lease" tarp sign. All three of us were side by side as we walked towards the building.

"Can we... can we just walk in?" Chloe asked. As she was asking that, Kate was on her phone and trying to call her friend. "It's a beautiful space. I'll just call her."

We put the photos down and waited for Kate's friend to answer her call. Chloe pulled me to the side.

"I'm about to lose my shit." She said through her teeth.

"Deep breaths." I grabbed her shoulders.

"This sucks, why am I proposing again?!" Her voice gradually went down to a hushed whisper-yell.

"Because you love her! Why are you freaking out  _now_?"

"I dunno! I guess I figured out that this is a huge fucking deal!"

"Um, hello—"

We didn't realize that Kate approached us, trying to get our attention with her phone in her hand.

"I'm sorry, Kate. Did you get your friend?"

"Yes, she's on her way over to give me the key. Are you sure there's nothing wrong, Chloe?"

"I'm okay, fine!"

"It's normal to feel nervous for making something for someone you love." She smiled endearingly. She meant well, I could tell, but Chloe was resorting back to shy teenage self, which was a mess of a person, I've heard from Rachel.

"Right..." Chloe rapidly nodded her head.

We waited a good thirty minutes before Kate's friend, one I recognized from the party, showed up, handed her a key, and then left. We left the photographs in the car and went into the building. Light brown, shiny floorboards, white walls, bright theatrical lights in the ceiling, big rooms, and smaller hallways into the next showcasing room—it was too perfect. My mind was already running for ideas and the gears were turning.

"Wowser, this place is awesome, Kate." I couldn't stop staring.

Before we all walked into the next room, Chloe's phone started going off, the call that let everyone on Earth know it was Rachel. She didn't say she had to leave or excuse herself, she just left. It left Kate and I to admire the place.

"You know what this reminds me of?" She asked.

"No, what is it?"

"When we went out for the first time," she said, so happy and smiling so big, "the museum we went to. I don't know, something about the layout."

"I see what you mean. Do you know what would make this more like it?"

"No, what?"

I offered my arm. Naturally, she came over and grabbed it, hugging it and then we walked slower. We could hear our shoes tapping into the floor and Chloe's talking. For some strange reason, I wanted to ask her about something. Maybe it was something about the kissing thing, maybe it was how she is, but it was about her.

"Can I ask you something?" I brought up, my voice wavering at "ask."

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"How have you been?" I stopped us in the middle of the second room, turning to look at her. "I dunno, I'm not thinking anything bad or something, but—"

"It's fine, Max, you don't have to apologize." She touched my face. I barely felt her on my cheek. "It's okay. I mean, getting by is difficult. Flashbacks would come back to me often. It didn't matter where I was; they happened. On some days, I feel anxious and I didn't trust anyone. Other days, I feel depressed and I can't stop crying. It's like it's still happening, even when I tell myself I'm okay."

"I-I'm sor—"

"What did I say about apologizing?" She touched my face again, this time with both hands, gently rubbing her thumbs on my cheeks. "Max, you've done so much for me. You saved me… like my own guardian angel. No need to say sorry."

"No matter what happens, you're still Kate. You're still that girl that caught me kicking a vending machine, hitting my forehead against a table, and was scared to drink from the same cup as you." I ended with a sigh, lifting my hand up to press it over hers.

"You guys good?" Chloe had come back. "I know it's like hella echo-y and romantic, but this is  _my_ romantic gift. Go get your own."

Her comment made us laugh, but I knew that she was just coping with her feelings with making fun of us.

We spent another ten minutes of looking around, also finding a garage door and back door to the alley.  _This place couldn't be more perfect. I promise you, Rachel, you're gonna lose your mind over this._ We left the photos in the place, next to the door, and then went back to Kate's apartment.

* * *

"Want to walk me to the door, Max?" Kate asked as Chloe parked.

"Yeah." I unbuckled and got out, walking next to Kate to her door.

She then hugged me and I hugged her back, both of us sighing like tension was finally released.

"Since you asked me something," she pulled away, but one hand was still on the side of my neck, "I want to ask you something."

"O... kay."  _Dog, that question made my body shut down every time. It didn't matter who was saying it._

"Are you free tomorrow?"

"U-uh, yeah, I could come by." My hands were becoming clammy and sweaty.

"Perfect, we'll meet tomorrow afternoon, on the curb?"

"Is it important?"

"To me, it is. So, promise?" She stuck her pinky out.

I dried my hand on my pants and hooked my pinky with hers, "I promise."


	56. Chapter 56

I was up that night. I couldn't help but walk back and forth in front of the TV, letting a movie about space and multiple timelines play out, and biting on my nails. I was checking my phone for the time and, sometimes, the Tumblr notifications startled me.  _I never reacted so badly to "I have to ask you something" in my life until now. It couldn't be anything bad! It was Kate, after all. Yet... the statement was killing me._  Time felt like forever and once it reached two AM, I had enough. I had to text someone. These two:

**Warren: You're Super Max! You're going to be fine!**

**Nathan: fucking tell her you're a bitch.**

_"You're" as in me. Yeah, real helpful._ Since I had no one else to turn to, I called a multitude of friends, and by that I meant two.  _I would be killed if I even think about waking up Victoria._

"Steph!" I said with a little urgency. I haven't slept yet and I  _knew_  I wasn't going to have any tonight.

"Whoa, Max?" She was alarmed and still in a drowsy, sleepy state. "What's up? I know you forgot to pick up your notes, but—"

"You're gay, right?"

She was quiet, probably trying to get her mind to catch up with that question. "Yeah, but—"

"I need help. Kate said she wanted to talk, but I'm starting to feel a lot of anxiety over here." I couldn't help but walk around and breathe heavily into the phone.

"What does that have to do with me being gay?"

"I dunno! You're gay, she's gay, I'm gay for her, you're just the first person who came to mind!"

"Geez, I'm flattered." She was completely sarcastic. "I'm sorry, dude, but the only thing I could tell you is to just stay calm. I'm sure you're just letting your anxiety overwhelm you. I doubt Kate is going to say anything bad."

"I know, but... You're right." I sighed. "I'm just... holy shit."

I had to sit down, cushioning myself with the multiple blankets I laid out, and rubbed the back of my neck. "Sorry for waking you up."

"Hey, it's cool. Thanks for thinking of me first for your gay problems." She chuckled, but I knew she was pissed to some degree.

"You can sleep now. See you in class."

"See ya, good luck with that."

_Okay, remember what your therapist said. I'm making good progress! Shit, what was that grounding thing again…?_

I hung up and immediately called someone else. Someone who knew how to talk things out and be able to help me at this ungodly hour. I pressed her number in and waited. My knees swayed from side to side as I listened to the ringing.

"Max? What's up? Are you okay?" Dana asked in worry. It was quiet on her side. "I ran outside when I saw it was you!"

"What about work—"

"I served everyone already, what's wrong?"

I sighed, slouching my shoulders down, "Um, Kate said she wanted to ask something and talk tomorrow. I'm really nervous. Am I overreacting?"

"It's okay to feel scared! Don't feel bad about how you feel. Just remind yourself to look forward to it, rather than be scared of it, you know what I mean? Like, she  _wants_ to talk to me! But, your feeling is normal, okay, Max?"

I slid down my couch, "Right..." I thought about it. It was true, but I've believed for so long that being afraid was bad, it'll be hard to convince myself otherwise. "By the way, how's you and Juliet?"

"Great! Like we were never apart! Thanks again for bringing us together again."

"You're welcome, Dana. I guess I'll let you go now."

"You'll be okay, Max! Deep breaths!"

We hung up and then I tossed my phone to the side, looking up at the ceiling. I grabbed my messenger bag at my feet and dug through it, looking for a specific, small picture. When I pulled it out, I felt my cheeks blush. The moment I caught Kate kissing my cheek, I was smiling in the picture, but my mind was still processing what was happening.  _If I went back in time and told myself "she's gonna kiss you in the next few seconds," I wouldn't believe it!_

I placed the photo on the coffee table and stood up, storming to the bedroom door. Before I grabbed the doorknob and marched in there, I stopped. I saw something I never wanted to see the last time I didn't knock, so I did that first. I did three firm knocks and took a step back.

When the door opened, Rachel, who had messy hair and wearing the so-called "I'm fucking Chloe Price" shirt I was told about, was rubbing her eye and yawning.

"Max, it's late. Are you okay?" She asked, folding her arms.

"I'm sorry, Rachel. I couldn't really sleep and I wanted to ask you something." I felt bad waking up and/or bothering people at late hours. I hated even admitting that I wanted help.

Rachel turned back to look at the bed and then stepped outside, closing the door behind her. "What's up?" She asked me as she put her arm around my shoulders, walking us to the couch.

"Kate wants to talk. Or, she said she wanted to ask me something, but she wants to talk tomorrow. I feel like I'm overreacting and that I'm just thinking too much of it! I dunno, it feels shitty."

"I can't imagine."

We sat down and I rested my head on her shoulder. "What do I do?" I said, almost weakly and in defeat.

"Get through it? You're thinking too much of tomorrow. Come on, I'll teach you this thing my anger management coach taught me. It helps with anxiety too."

"Sure."

She scooted away, turning towards me as she lifted her knees to her chest, and said, "Tell me three things you see in this room right now."  _Right, this is the grounding thing!_

"Um..." I was thinking too hard about it. My eyes darted around the room. "Couch... TV... and you?"

"What are three things you can hear?"

"You... the movie... and me."

"What are three things you can feel? Like, physically touch."

"The bracelet I got from Kate..." I hadn't noticed, but I was touching and messing with the strings of it. "Me sitting down and my feet on the ground."

"Can you taste or smell anything?"

"No."

"Then you close your eyes and take a deep breath... three seconds is good, but five is better."

I did as I was told.  _1... 2... 3... 4... 5..._ then I exhaled. I was relaxed again, calm, and back in reality, like the method intended.

"Feel better?" Rachel reached over and rubbed my arm.

"Yeah, actually."

"It reminds you that you're still in the present. I never really listened to her, but I know it would help you."

"I feel like I could actually sleep now."

"Then, we should sleep. Don't want to be tired with talking to her tomorrow." Rachel stood up and held out her hand. "You know what, I want to be sure you sleep. Come with me."

After turning off the movie and the living room light, she brought me along to the room. She made me lie down between Chloe and her, squeezing me in the middle in some gay sandwich.  _Familiar._

But somehow, it helped. I never fell asleep faster in my life.


	57. Chapter 57

Chloe and Rachel were cuddling me, making it very impossible for me to get out and escape from. I shifted in my position, uncomfortable and making me realize that my arm was asleep under me, trying to worm my way out. I couldn't think of how Chloe's reaction to me being in the same bed as them would be. I didn't have to wait long, though.

"What the hell, Max..." She mumbled, but she didn't let go of me. She just glared at me with her tired eyes. "When did you get here?"

"Sometime around two and three AM?" I replied. "Rachel brought me in here, I swear. She wanted to be sure I really fell asleep."

It felt weird having Rachel's arms around my waist and Chloe's around my shoulders. It was very telling of how they slept when it was just the two of them.

"I believe you." She let me go, scooting away to stretch. Now it was weirder being spooned by Rachel Amber herself.

"Feels nice?" Chloe asked me.

"I think so? But, this is your girlfriend, so I should really get out, shouldn't I?"

"Duh, Max."

Not wanting to bother her, I slowly took her arms off me and scooted away towards Chloe. "I'm still freaking out."

"Why?"

"Kate wants to ask me something today. I have to see her in the afternoon. I'm so…" I couldn't help but end with a heavy sigh.  _Maybe it really is nothing... She's waiting a day to tell me! So, it should be important! Okay, okay... bed... Chloe... my desk..._

"Don't sweat it." She patted me on my arm. "You'll be fine!"

"Right..." I had a little more hope now that four people told me everything was going to be okay. It was still persisting in the back of my head and it really did feel like I was getting kicked in the head, but at least I was more positive than negative.

* * *

**"Everyone feels scared when an important question needs to be said. The human mind tends to think of different scenarios, more serious and nerve-racking specifically. With anxiety, it's different. It's a normal feeling many notches up, which feels overdramatic, but that's not the right thing to describe it. Your feelings are normal, like your friends said. Continue your grounding and, rather than think of the worst-case, think of other times the statement, "I want to ask you something" happened and what happened after. Were the questions as serious as you thought?**

* * *

I got out of bed and got started on making coffee, not in a fancy machine like Kate but in a can and instantly grounded, and sat at the dining table. Chloe's legs were sprawled out, making me cross my ankles and tuck them under my chair.

"Sleeping was one of the best feelings I've ever felt last night..." Chloe groaned. "This proposal thing is making me lose my shit..."

"Come on, you got this. You don't even have anything to worry about. You know she'll say yes, right? Like, no shit?"  _I wish I was this motivational with myself._

"I know, but she deserves something hella awesome and huge!"

"Then... ask Joyce for help. Or, better yet, ask Sera. They know what you're planning and they're  _moms._ Moms always know what to do."

"I thought I was your mom and I have no clue what the hell I'm doing!"

"Then not all moms know."

She huffed, folding her arms, and placing them on the table, "I think I'm ready to barf."

"Gross, don't do that in front of me." She shoved me after that comment.

* * *

Chloe and I left Rachel again and went outside, driving around San Francisco and started putting her plan together.

"Mom, I think the truck could make it all the way to here!" Chloe spoke loudly to her phone in the cup holder. "I was the one who fixed it, remember?"

"What exactly do you need it for? Max never explained herself." Joyce's voice was on speaker, and she sounded very confused.

Chloe huffed, "It's for the proposal for Rachel, mom! Oh, and I need some clothes too!"

"What clothes?"

"I'll text it to you, but the truck is hella important. Can you please talk to David or something?" Chloe slapped her hand down on the steering wheel, agitated.

I felt awkward sitting there listening to this go down, hearing Chloe slowly but surely getting more irritated about her truck and Joyce increasingly becoming more alarmed with her requests, yet also accepting it.

"Is Sera partaking in this?"

"Fucking duh, mom. I'm gonna talk to her too. Just figure out the truck and I'll text you the rest." Before Joyce could reply, Chloe said, quickly, "okay, love you, bye!" Chloe stopped at a stoplight and ended the call. "I'm dizzy as fuck, is that normal?"

"Why would you say that while you're driving?" I said with worry hanging on every word. I had to grab my wrist tightly to stop my hands from shaking.

"Okay, okay, call Sera." She handed me her phone as she started to drive again. I set up the call, finding hers in a sea of names and pictures. I put it on speaker as the ringing started. While that happened, I checked my phone: no text or call.

"What?" Sera answered.

"Hey Sera, I need a favor."

"Is it for Rachel and your proposal?"

"What else would it be?"

"Okay, I'm listening." Sera said with a heavy sigh. "What do you need?"

"Uh... The nightlight thing, mostly." She shrugged her shoulders.

"Right, the one you shoved a giant flashlight into?"

"Yeah, it makes the stars look better that way. And bring yourself, you won't want to miss this."

She snickered, "Why, yes, I want to be there for my beautiful Rachel. If this proposal's terrible, I'll never let you hear the end of it."

"That's a lot of pressure."

"That's what a proposal is, Chloe Price. I'll call Rachel now. Good luck on your side."

"Thanks... I guess." Chloe's shoulders slumped down. Sera hung up first, allowing us to release an exasperated groan. I let my head fall onto the headrest.

"She's really... something else."

"I know, but that's my future mother-in-law, so I can't be  _so_ mean." Chloe said that with a small smile. "Hey, I don't wanna barf anymore."

"That's good, what made it better?" I smiled back, lifting my head off the seat.

"Rachel Price sounds good." Her smile went away instantly. "Oh god."

"Don't puke!" I lifted my hands defensively, as if that would save me. She continued to drive as she made gagging noises, driving all the way to my school, swerving into other lanes while also speeding. I held onto my chair and bag for dear life as this continued on, luckily, empty streets.

To help Chloe calm down, I decided to go to school, brought her into the building, and letting her pick a snack from the vending machine. There were so many choices, choices I've chosen at least once (except for granola bars), I especially ate the chips. Despite how unlucky I was with getting them.

"Does Rachel count as a snack?" She was tugging on her shirt, as if she couldn't breathe. In a way, yes, she was a "snack."

I hummed, looking into the machine, "I don't see a "Rachel Amber" in here."

She rolled her eyes, "Wowser Max, got any more jokes?"

"I got hella jokes."

"Just get the fucking chips."

Letting her put money and push the buttons, avoiding my bad luck, she grabbed the yellow bag and we went into the cafeteria for her to eat and watch on the TVs inside. It was  _always_ a cartoon show or some anime, even though no one was watching.

"This place is full of nerds..." Chloe said as she bit into a chip.

_I was gonna disagree, but to be honest, it was true, so I agreed._ "Do you still want to puke or do we have to get you a drink too?"

"Can you get me one?" She asked as she watched the TV.

It was my turn to roll my eyes. I stood up and left into the hall again, walking towards the vending machines again. Thank god, I never have any issues with cans and soda. I grabbed a classic Coca-Cola for her.

_Release the Kra-can!_ I thought that every single time I get a soda, with no regrets.

As I grabbed it and was going to leave, I crashed into someone. Someone kind a tall, but my forehead definitely hit their chin.

"Hey Max, you alright?! You really have to watch where you're going!"

"Oh, Warren, it's you! I really should, sorry about that." I chuckled at myself. It couldn't hurt to stand and talk for a bit.

"That's a-okay! It's been a while! How's you and Kate?" He had wire rolled up around his arm and was holding two more in his hands. "Still nervous about the talk?"

"I—uh, I'm getting a little better." I nodded and chuckled. "How's you and Nathan?"

"You're going to be fine!" he announced happily and smacked my shoulder. "He's mad at me. When is he never mad, am I right?"

"What's he angry about now?"

He lifted his hands as he shrugged his shoulders, "Something about me, I presume."

I was contemplating whether I should ask for his advice or not. I thought about it as he was explaining how his boyfriend has been upset for the past three days. Having another opinion, right before it happened, also wouldn't hurt. Plus, I wanted better advice than the text.

"That's awful and all, and I hope you guys work it out, but can I ask you something? Something else about Kate?"

"Sure, anything, Max." He started to fix the black wires and roll them up.

"You know that I'm gonna talk to Kate later today and I've been feeling pretty nervous about it." I wasn't making it sound like it was a  _huge_ deal, even though it was, in my mind. I felt uncomfortable standing, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. "I might be overreacting, right?"

"Not exactly," he shook his head, "It sounds serious from what you're saying. It's alright to be nervous. Did she say it was bad or something?"

"No, she just said she wanted to ask me something. That's scary to me..."

"Then your feeling is okay! Just stay calm and just be ready for anything." He took a deep breath, showing me how to calm down. "You're Mad Max, you can do anything."

I smiled, feeling my shoulders relax. His words were reassuring and it was more encouraging having another opinion. I tapped my finger on the can in my hand, reminding me that I had another task to do. "Thanks, but I have a delivery to complete."

"Good luck on that talk with Kate." He smiled back and went back to his work.

A sense of relief washed over me as I walked back to the cafeteria, where Chloe was impatiently waiting.

"Where the fuck did you go? Narnia?" She snatched the can from my hand.

"No! The, uh, can got stuck."

"How did you do that?"

I just shrugged my shoulders and went back to watching the TV.

* * *

I was distracting myself with watching the bright, magical cartoon show and being on my phone. Neither helped with the sinking feeling in my stomach, but altering between the two was all I could do. Chloe was distracted, chewing on chips, chugging down her drinks, and watching the TV. I wouldn't doubt if that was her way to cope with the worrying, nervous feeling she was having too. Sometimes I felt like the question was going to be life-changing and it might hurt, but at the same time, I felt like it was going to be something simple and I was overreacting after all.  _Again, it's not overreacting. It's okay to feel this way._  I watched the time on my phone, waiting for the time count down and change. Achingly slow, as it did when I was nervous.

It hit one o'clock.

"Go get her, Time Maxine." Chloe crumpled up her bag of chips. "She's waiting."

My head fell as I groaned, saying the usual "Max never Maxine," but still, I stood up and walked down the hall with as much confidence I could muster. As I pushed the door, slowly enough to not make any noise, there Kate was, sitting on the curb with her head down. I took light, but far steps up to her and then lightly tapped her on her shoulder. She looked at me with her eyebrows raised and wide stare, then changing into a grin.

After exchanging greetings, I sat down next to her. The first thing I noticed on her was how pink her cheeks were. And they were becoming redder, like she was feeling sick.

"Did you sleep okay?" She asked me first.

"I guess. I was stuck in between Rachel and Chloe, but I slept. What about you?"

She sighed, lifting her knees to her chest, "That's good, I almost didn't sleep at all. It's nothing too serious, I already told you… Even though I'm the one asking you something, it still scares me too."

"Are you getting sick?" On instinct, I pressed my hand to her forehead and then the back of my hand to her cheek. She was very warm.

"What?" She felt her own face, pulling away from my touch. "Oh, no, I'm fine. I've been wanting to ask you this... Well... two questions."

"Sure, what's up?" My heart was going a mile a minute as I rested back on my hands.

"How do you feel about what I did? Answer truthfully." She leaned in, curious.

I had no clue. My mind drew a blank the moment she asked. "Oh, the kiss thing? How do you feel about it?" I wanted her answer while I thought of my own.

"Truthfully... I do feel a little bad about what I did. I'm normally affectionate through hugs rather than that." Her cheeks became redder in an instant. "I didn't hate it—I mean, not like I didn't want to or what I'm saying—" She cut herself off, cupping her cheek to feel the warmth of it. "I was happy, I am happy! But, I just wanted to ask..."

I couldn't help but chuckle. It grew louder, to the point that I had to hold my own stomach, "I'm sorry, Kate. To be honest, I nearly lost my mind! I kept asking Chloe and Rachel, but I'm happy too! Don't be so worried, Kate!" I grabbed her into a hug. "But, next time it happens, hopefully, I'll be ready."

She laughed too, hugging me back, "It's making me nervous, actually. I feel so flustered seeing you now. And I talked about you to Chloe like that! I was so embarrassed!"

"Whatever, I'll just be sure to not taste like coffee. Wouldn't want to give you two that satisfaction."

After she giggled and her cheek kept growing redder, she pulled away, "… We kissed once, haven't we?"

I played dumb. I knew what she was talking about, but I didn't know she would  _ask_. "W-what do you mean?"

"When you slept over! Come on, Max, Chloe asked me for my lip balm just to look at it, that meant something!"

I stammered; not a single understandable word came out.

"She even emphasized that it was strawberry flavor. We kissed then, didn't we?"

"I-I," I cleared my throat as my voice cracked, "I think so. Or else, your cheek feels weird."

Kate giggled again, "Nope, that wasn't my cheek at all. If you tasted strawberry, then I recognize coffee anywhere."

I could barely look her in the eye and it was obvious she couldn't look into mine either. In fact, her blush hasn't went away yet. I started to feel mine warm up too, feeling a hundred degrees hotter.

"Was that your second question?"

"I guess kissing you has been stuck on my mind."


	58. Chapter 58

_July 21, 2015 7:29 AM_

_Wowser, it's the twenty-first already? Nothing too insane happened in two whole damn months. School, Kate, friends, Chloe, Rachel, homework, text, therapist. It felt like normal, boring life. Chloe's on three months sober, how cool is that? She's doing so good and I think she's starting to like therapy. Rachel has been calmer, but she was still very present on TV (more so because someone out there revealed she was preparing to become an actress) and still used her professional escape skills to hide (sometimes welcoming interactions, of course). As for me, I felt like I was becoming a better me, I guess I can say. Talking to people, whether it be friends, professors, strangers/classmates, was becoming easier and I felt myself becoming happier with myself. I passed Magic/Ritual and Lighting, woo! I have Life Drawing and Philosophy & Critical Theory, which are both interesting. Better than last quarter that's for sure. I can't believe I'm on my sixth quarter…_

_Speaking of Kate, we have a date today. It'll be a busy two days, that's for sure. I have no idea what we'll be doing, but I trust the day will be fine. Rachel's birthday is tomorrow! And Chloe's proposal! We've prepared two months for this. I personally think it's the best thing ever, but that's for Rachel to decide._

* * *

I tried to keep myself relaxed as today was the day I was going on a real, official date. I didn't know what to think. The feelings were real and were there and being reciprocated ( _I think_ ), but of course, my anxiety tries to lead me to believe that none of this was real and I was just making it up! Like, maybe I was in a coma the  _whole_ time and it was all not real!  _Should I slap myself?! Yeah, then it'll take me back to that class! Yes Magic/Ritual! Dog, that class wasn't all that great... I could pinch myself!_

Rachel was awake with me, helping me get dressed and finding the perfect outfit for the day. "It'll be super casual, so let's stick with hella casual." She said as she grabbed clothes from my dresser. Even she looked a little confused, like it was  _her_ first real date. She then grabbed the gray jacket she didn't like all that much, then throwing it at me. "Fuck it, nothing says "Max Caulfield" more than that."

I actually felt happy to wear it, on a date, no less. And she didn't say it with a mean tone, she was actually smiling.

"Let's see, this is cute," she found a white dress shirt, "It's going to be a little hot, so no fucking good in that. Then, just... be you. You already have her in the palm of her hand, but everyone loves cheesy and corny."

As I put my outfit together, Rachel stood by watching it happen. She had her arms crossed and resting her weight on one leg, "So, Chloe told me about your little exhibit you have."

"Oh, yeah! Shit, I totally forgot! Tomorrow night, I need you to check it out and see how it is! Maybe change something about it or hear your opinions?"

"Hell yeah I wanna see it! On my  _birthday,_ even. Only a fucking jealous asshole would say no. I have a stupid job thing I have to do, like an audition or whatever, but thank god it's at night."

She boosted my ego above the highest level, but all I did was smile and say, "I can't wait for you to see it."  _Yup, just an ordinary exhibit. Don't think of it as anything else. How the hell did I hide it from her this whole time? Not only that, how did we, Chloe and I, do it?_

"Okay," she clapped her hands together and grabbed my face, "How are you going to act when you see her?"

"... Like myself?"

"Right, but what else?"

I couldn't think of a different answer. Being me was like its own personality trait—a big 'ol mix of awkward and a wreck.

"Flirty," She exaggerated, winking at me, "Just a little bit. Don't overdo it, or it'll be annoying."

_I'm so bad at flirting… Not on purpose, anyway. My best lines just fell out of my mouth. It's cringe to watch is what I'm saying._

I nodded, but was kinda shaking my head at the same time, "No promises, but I'll try."

"You'll be fine. She already likes you, like I said, everyone loves corny."

_Okay… Hi Kate! Why do I have to rehearse? I've known her for a while already. I guess because the feelings are different now. We're doing this in a more romantic sense. I'm freaking out!_

I felt like I was a sweating, gross mess. I wish I wore my jacket, it made me more comfortable, but it was the hottest weather I've ever felt. For the first time in a while, she let me pick my favorite pink shirt. I missed it so much, I felt like my old self again… but, less anxiety.  _More manageable anxiety, actually._ Everything felt so surreal: I was friends with Warren and his boyfriend, I was friends with Victoria, Rachel was here being true to herself and was a calmer person, Chloe has been sober for months, and I was different, a happier different. As for Kate, I could see she was becoming better, too. I could tell she was thriving, almost like she was glowing. Though, I would be happy too if the person who hurt me was in prison now.  _I should thank Victoria. I dunno why I haven't yet._

I approached Kate's apartment. I still had a hesitant fist, but I knocked before I could even  _think_ about changing my mind. To my surprise but not against it, Victoria opened the door. She had a glare, but it softened slightly and she smiled. For real.

"Hey Victoria." I nodded at her.

"Here to pick up Kate?" She sounded more supportive than hostile. I still wasn't comfortable with it, but like Kate told me, she really was nice.

"Yeah."

She stepped aside, allowing me into their place. Before, I used to be so scared to just look at her, scaring me every time she spoke. Now, there was a smaller amount of fear, but I was more welcomed.

"Um, I didn't get to say this before," my tone was still awkward, "But, thanks for helping with getting rid of her ex."

"It was no big deal. Kate couldn't testify at first, but I'm glad everyone believed her. It fucking sucks when no one does. Especially between two girls."

"Right." For all of June, Kate had to go with Victoria to the courthouse, different ones, I think. I offered help, but she said I helped enough and wanted to do it on her own. She wasn't very open about it, kept most of the details to herself and Victoria, but the fact that girl was in prison now was all I needed.

"… Sorry for being an asshole before." She cleared her throat. She clearly didn't want to apologize, but I knew she meant well.

"Sorry for thinking you were a bitch… I mean, you are, but—"

"I know, I know." She rolled her eyes. "But, Kate finally knows what my room looks like, so I'm less of one. I'll never forgive you or Chloe for breaking in."

"That's fair."

"But, we're friends now, alright?"

I nodded as she held her arms out, wanting to hug it out. I was reminded of the first time, her hissing into my ear. I cringed, but I went in for the hug, anyway. It was surprisingly nice and she was actually a good hugger.

When we pulled apart, Kate was standing by her doorway, smiling at both of us. Victoria didn't react defensively, instead she smiled, shrugged, and went into her room, which now the door was wide open. She told Kate to have fun and disappeared.

She approached, blushing, and making little contact with me, fidgeting with her hands. I've never been stunned to see someone, too much in awe for words. I couldn't believe she was real. Hair down, in an outfit reminiscent of the first "date" we went on, but something about it felt so different. She had to have sleeves, to cover her arms, but other than that, it was different in another way. I had to think before something stupid came out of my mouth.

"Wowser, I… Am I dreaming?" I felt dumb, but it was my own way of flirting.

She giggled, looking down at my hands, "Not at all. I'm happy it isn't."

"Me too." I felt so awkward. Rachel and Chloe would laugh right about now. "Ready to go?"

She reached out and grabbed my hand, with a grin, "Yes."

I would be lying if I said I had this planned out. We were still walking on the sidewalk, approaching school, our hands interlocked together. We had small conversations, talking about random things like movies and our classes. It wasn't "date material" questions, but it was something to fill our silence. Almost a "puppy love" sort of silence.

"Where are we going, Max?" She asked, stopping us in the middle of the sidewalk. It was slightly empty, minus the few people walking around us.

"Honestly, I couldn't think of anything." I chuckled, touching the back of my neck. "I couldn't stop thinking about the film tonight."

"Being with you at all is nice." Every sentence, every compliment she told me, ended with her shyly looking down at the ground. "I had a few ideas, but all of them would end this too soon."

We continued to walk, "Like what?"

"Well, you told me before you still haven't colored your tattoo and I thought I would take you there. I would guess you'd have to go home. I-I—" She stopped her sentence, "Never mind, it wasn't a good idea."

"No, it's great, but you're right about it ending soon. Maybe after the movie. Go ape during the night."

"'Go ape?'" She snickered to herself, "Where does that come from?"

"Warren." I rolled my eyes, but I didn't hate it. She laughed, stopping my heart and breathing from how cute it sounded.

"Then, let's see where our day takes us."

Somehow, we ended up on a mix of our other times together. With a bunch of photos to remember, of course. Going to a café, going to a museum, going into the same music store and pet shop. In the pet shop, the same little dog from before was still in the little cage, and she seemed to remember us.

"If we weren't such broke students we would get you." I pouted as she wiggled in my arms.

"We'll get one someday." Kate petted her. She hasn't stopped smiling.

I thought the sentence was normal until I caught up. "We" caught me off-guard. I dropped the dog back into the cage with the others and sighed, "Yeah, we will."

I had to take her to the same museum from before. The LGBT one, to be exact. Walking there and realizing which building we were going, she smiled even bigger, showing to be even more relaxed.

All of it was still the same as I remembered it. It was hard to forget such a place; it was all so inspiring to see. We were there as a "kinda couple" rather than friends, making the whole atmosphere, both the inside and between us, so much  _more._  It was the same, people saying we were cute together, but we said genuine "thank you"s.

"I love this place." Kate said, low enough only I could hear it.

"Me too." I said back to her, squeezing her hand a little bit. "I would come here every day if I could."

I let her go again, walking on her own, so I could stay behind and take pictures of her again.  _She's so beautiful. I can't believe she likes me. She really likes me!_ I was running out of film, but I didn't care. It was worth it.

Next thing we knew, the sun was going down, meaning the film festival was starting soon. I had my arm around Kate's shoulders, heading back to school. When we approached the door, it swung open, revealing Warren and Nathan coming out together.

"Max!" Warren greeted, letting go of his boyfriend, "You're here for the film festival too?"

"Yeah, need to support my gir—Kate." I shut myself up.  _How fucking embarrassing, she isn't your girlfriend yet!_

"Now she's  _your_ Kate?" He raised her eyebrow, but chuckled and turned to her, "I'm Warren! I don't think we talked before! And this is  _my_ Nathan."

She giggled and held her hand out politely to shake, "It's nice to meet you."

After the introduction (Nathan was a little awkward and I noticed he always looked pissed off), Warren said they had to go do something else, but will be back to watch. Kate and I walked into the building and went into the theater room at the end of the hall, where people were already sitting and playing a loop of title screens to the audience.

"Kate! Max!" Steph called us from the front, jogging her way up the stairs to us. "Hey, glad you could make it!"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." Kate replied. She hugged the both of us, "Good, wouldn't want you to. Take a seat. We'll start soon."

I suggested to find a seat in the middle, so we're looking directly at the screen without breaking our necks to see.

"When is your guys' film gonna show?"

"It might be one of the last ones." She lifted her sleeve up to check her watch. "I want to watch the other ones. "Growth" could mean anything to anyone."

"Oh yeah, I want to see the other ones, but I've been wanting to see yours."

"All I did was write it."

"Which is the most important part!"

She giggled and shook her head, but she appreciated my compliment.

It wasn't long for the theater to fill up and start the show. The director of the Digital Filmmaking & Video Production did his speech—how proud he was of every student involved, how every film idea was brilliant, expressing individuality and vast ideas—for the crowd, ending in applause, prompting the first film to start.

As the films went on—abstract flowers, mental health, life in general—Kate was subtly grabbing onto my arm, ending on hugging it and resting her head on my shoulder. We were warmer, pressed together.  _I can't wait to see what the film has to offer. I'm sure it's perfect._ I felt like we were being watched too, like there was something paying attention to us rather than the films.

The title screen for her film popped off, titled "Growth" like everyone else's. It was clearly her drawing style, white in a nice cursive style, with "directed," "written," and "filmed" by at the bottom. Kate was credited next to written, which brought a smile to my face. I felt a squeeze on my arm.

The film started at the library, text at the bottom saying "Day One", roaming through the aisles, passing extras and windows, ending on a girl sitting at a table with a book. The girl who looked like me. She was bored, yawning as she stared down at her book.  _Dog, that really is me._ It lingered on her for a moment, watching her as her eyes was looking off in the distance. The screen changed to another girl in an aisle, walking around aimlessly. Girl One was rubbing her eyes, as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing. She was debating with herself, until they made eye contact. Girl Two smiled at her, causing Girl One to flip back to her book, shoving the book into her face.

The crowd laughed. Kate laughed too.

The time jumped, text saying "Day Two." It was still the library, where Girl One was in new clothes, reading the same book on the same page. She was tapping her fingers on the desk, like she was impatient. Girl Two showed up again, in the same aisle, but now reading a book. Girl One looked curious, yet disappointed.  _Should she be disappointed? Is she sad she wasn't noticed?_  Girl Two looked up and Girl One went back to her own.  _That is… something I would do._  It was now "Day Three" and Girl One was on her laptop. Tapping noises could be heard and some music from her earphones too. She was so focused, she couldn't hear a person was trying to get her attention. She had to do a double-take, shocked to see who was in front of her. Girl Two was holding a book to her chest waving and pointing at the available next in front of Girl One.

I hummed.  _It's a silent film. The other ones had some form of speaking in it, but now we had to pay attention to audio cues and environment. I don't mind that._  The only thing we could hear was the music from the earphones, which became louder when Girl One took them out.

The film started showing their awkward and shy interactions, showing the time lapse with the days increasing. There was music playing in the background, dreamy and bouncy. They were increasingly getting closer and their body language was changing into a more relaxed state. By the time it was "Day Fifty," the setting changed to a living room. Girl One was playing a video game, but being not into it. She was clearly bored as she tossed her game controller onto the table in front of her.

The sound of her phone on the couch vibrated. We get on-screen text messages, reading blue and gray text bubbles between her and Girl Two. It was a playful conversation, teasing each other about being apart for the first time in a while. We could tell from Girl One's expressions she was happy to be texting her.  **I like you a lot,** one text from Two said.

I had a bad feeling the movie was gonna go through... go through something.

Girl One was happy. Ecstatic, evident in her hopping around. However, with changes in Girl One's expressions, she was realizing her feelings and what they really meant. She was having a crisis, almost, and we got to witness one scene of Girl One and Two together, but One was staring with a "hopeless" kind of look. Like, as if Two didn't like her back in the same way.

Another time lapse went by, but slower, showing Girl One's life being on her couch, sulking around, and gray texts bubbles kept popping up. They were continuously showing up, but she was continuously ignoring them. Like a slow timer, it reached Day One-Hundred.

She answered back with  **meet me at the library**  and that was it.

The theater was quiet. Everything was so tense, even breathing was too loud.  _Kate wrote this? This has been a roller coaster of a short film. I would watch this over and over again._

Girl Two was standing alone in front of the library, looking around for Girl One. She approached from behind, camera over her shoulder. Girl Two was smiling, but Girl One wasn't. Girl One was aloof, standing away and rubbing the bottom of her shoe against the concrete. Not able to say anything, she had to take her phone out and type it instead.  **I like you a lot.**

Girl Two read it and ended it with a smile and a silent laugh. She grabbed Girl One's face, using one hand to put the phone away, closing the space between them. When they pulled away again, they looked into each other's eyes and, for the first time, we get to hear their voices. They were giggling, still holding each other, as the camera pulled away and walked into the library.

I looked to Kate in that moment, who looked back at me. There was a moment between us. We couldn't hear anything, there was no one else around us, and all I could feel was her. We were like the characters, leaning into each other and closing our eyes.

The moment was caught off when I felt a hard pat on my shoulder. I glared at the person behind me, who happened to be Chloe. She had a happy grin, was letting me know of her presence. I chuckled and tried to reach over, but failed.  _Oh Chloe. You have such great timing._  We missed a small amount of the film, but we saw it ended on the book Girl One was reading at the beginning. Which we missed the title being  **"The End."**

We started to clap, until the screen showed a color "no signal" picture, while the beep played. It was the only film to show some bloopers at the end. It was a laughing mess, especially during the romantic scenes. They were trying so hard to be quiet, because of the library. On top of that, Girl One had the most scenes with bloopers. She was awkward during the texts and the sad, slow time lapse. The crowd was laughing at her (or with her, however one looked at it). It ended with everyone who was a part of the team (about eight of them), one by one, exclaiming with a director's clapboard, yelling "Action!" Kate had a small cameo too.

The crowd cheered, the loudest cheer out of all the films and, turns out, it was the last film.

"Wowser, Kate! That was amazing!"

"I love it so much! I loved how it turned out! I'm so glad you liked it." Kate hugged my arm tighter. The whole crowd had to stand up, clapping and whooping for the last submission.

The last portion of film festival was to choose which film won overall. Despite the loud praise, their submission didn't win first. Not second or third, either. It had an honorable mention, at least.

"Chloe, I can't believe you showed up!" I was still shocked to see her.

"I'm just here to support you." She pointed at Kate. "It was hella awesome! Stupid that it didn't win jack."  _It's stupid! Dare I say, hella stupid._

"It's fine. All that matters is that we care and love our own." She smiled sweetly. "And I'm rather proud of it."

Chloe probably had a snarky remark about the awards, but she shrugged and smiled instead.

"Well, see you two lovebirds, uh, later? I dunno, but hey! You're on a date." She patted me on my shoulder again. I did the same to hers and waved her goodbye.  _Lovebirds, huh? I guess._

"I guess we're going "ape" now?" Kate tried her hand at the phrase, but it was cuter coming from her.

"You know what," I nodded, heading away from the tattoo shop, "I'm a little thirsty, don't you think?"

She had a confused expression, but chuckled and said. "Yes, actually."

* * *

We just walked a bit to Starbucks instead. Hell, I didn't want this to be over. We sat at the same table and grabbed two coffees for ourselves.

"I can't believe yours didn't win! I have to watch that again. I love it, Kate." I couldn't shut up.  _I want to keep talking about it! It deserves first place!_

"I'm glad you do." She giggled, "I love it so much. And we can! I'll just have to get it from one of them."

"Thank dog."

Two women entered the shop, which happened to be Dana and Juliet, who walked in mid-conversations and released loud laughter as they did. It didn't take long for them to notice us.

"Max! Kate!" Dana ran to us, hugging us simultaneously. Juliet did the same.

"Hey, crazy to see you two here! You guys want to sit with us? We have two more." I offered, waving my hand to the two extra seats.

"Perfect! Let us order our things and we'll sit with you two."

Kate was sitting next to me, pressing her lips as if she wanted to say something. I looked to her, placing my hand on her shoulder, "You wanna say something?"

She nodded, but pointed at Dana to talk privately. She replied with an, "oh, okay!" and left me and Juliet.

"How's school treating you?" I asked her. It was the first thing on my mind after the film.

She groaned, "Lame, but it's worth it, now I have Dana again to keep my sanity."

"I feel the same but with Kate. Sorry to start the conversation with that."

"It's cool. We go to the same one after all. I totally missed the festival, but I wouldn't be able to find meaning between title and film."

"It was straightforward."  _Except for the last film, there was nothing straight about it._

"Maybe I'll see some. After all, we have that first day party to go to, am I right?"

"The next one will be that movie on a loop." We shared a laugh.

When she calmed down, she said, "Thanks for bringing me and Dana together again. I've never been happier."

"No prob, Juliet. I'm happy you're happy."

The two came back, snickering (Dana was  _way_ more excited).

"What happened with you two?"

"Oh, nothing," Dana shook her head. I wasn't sure to be nervous or just ignore it. All I knew for sure was Kate was happier than she was when she left. Dana and Juliet left to order their drinks.

"What were you two talking about to react like this?"

"Oh nothing."

I wasn't worried, but I couldn't help but wonder. "Not even a hint?" She shook her head. "What about a tiny one?" She shook it again. "Microscopic?" Shook it again.

"Maybe later." She said, lifting her cup to her lips.

"What about a hint the size of an atom?" This caused her to laugh, but no agreement.

"We're back!" Dana announced as she sat next to me, holding a croissant in her hand. "We just wanted food."

After that, it was a long conversation going on and on, changing subjects naturally (the longest being about the film and how it didn't win any awards, which they were both mad about it like everyone else). It was darker outside and, turns out, we were the last ones in the shop as it was closing.

"It was nice seeing you two!" Dana hugged us again.

"You too, guys." I replied, letting go of her. "Have a safe trip back, okay?"

"Same to you! See you guys!"

Once we were far enough away from them, I had to ask it one more time. "One hint? This is the last one."

"It's nothing, Max. I promise." She said so offhandedly, not even eye contact. I didn't pay more attention to it, even though my anxiety wanted to pay attention to it.

"Dog, after that, I can't prowl anymore." I chuckled, but I was exhausted.  _It was nice having a conversation, and they are fun to be with, but god, we couldn't do anything else with the city being dark now._

"Me neither." Kate chuckled back, grabbing my hand and interlocking our fingers, "Want to go back home and watch more movies?"

"That would be nice right now."

* * *

We went to her apartment again, where it was quiet. Now that Victoria's door was open all the time now, we knew she wasn't there. We didn't speak since we started coming back. I didn't mind, we talked enough already.

"Dog, I'm so tired already." I yawned, starting silent and began long and drawn out in the end. "I think I need more coffee in my system."

She giggled. "Would you like me to make some?"

"Yeah, I wouldn't want to fall asleep on you." Literally and figuratively.

"Okay, I'll get that started for you."

It was quiet while she was getting the coffee ready. I listened to the bubbling and the opening and closing of cabinets and her feet against the ground. She sat down after she was done, setting a mug in front of me.

"I guess I have something to show you. I was talking to Dana about it." Kate sounded nervous. I turned to her, mug to my mouth and one eyebrow raised. She lifted her sleeve, just a little to show her wrist. On it, a simple, black cross was on her skin. It was still dark in color, like it happened yesterday.

"That's what you and Dana were talking about? Did you do this without me noticing somehow?" I couldn't help but reach out and touch her hand.

"Yeah, it's a start, maybe? I can't wear long sleeves forever." She still sounded unsure. "And, maybe. It happened on a whim. It hurt a lot more than I anticipated."

"That's amazing, Kate." I smiled at her.  _Wowser, she really did it._  I couldn't believe it. I couldn't stop staring at it. She told me she wouldn't. "What made you change your mind?"

"I just… I'm already breaking a lot of rules. And nothing wrong with covering my arms with the same thing, right? I can't use Victoria's makeup forever, too."

I smiled and nodded, "That's great, Kate."

I was careful to touch it. I couldn't stop staring at it. It was real, on her skin forever, and it was the last thing I could ever imagine.

After I finished my coffee, we went into her room. Once the door closed, the room became dark, and the silence was tense. Not in a weird or awkward way.  _What is this atmosphere? I don't hate it… I just wish I knew what it was._

"Kate?" It was dark, except for some light from the street.

"Yes?" She approached me, grabbing my hands. Other than her hands, I could feel her body heat too. My eyes adjusted, looking straight into mine.

"I just wanna say that I'm proud of you. I can't believe I get to be with you and talk to you and just… I dunno what to say. I'm really bad at this."

"I'm proud of you too. You're so brave and strong. I can't believe I get to be with you too."

There was more silence. I felt Kate moving in, reminding me of the film.  _Well Chloe, you remember our dare? I'll accept your double_ ; I closed the air between us, feeling her lips and touching her waist.  _I don't know what to do… I can't believe this happening! Be cool, Max! You got this! Act like you're good at this._

I've never felt a passionate kiss before, nor did I know what to do after that. Kate took control automatically and I followed along, but I was fully amateur compared to her. She was a good kisser and tasting the familiar strawberry taste made me excited.

We stopped. It was like she froze, slowly pulling her head away, avoiding looking into my eyes. Or, any part of me, to be honest. Her face was scrunched, anger and distant. She couldn't speak, but her lips were pressing together, like a word couldn't come out. Like she had no control over it.

Her hands left my body, I felt how shaky they were, and I saw her starting to take her sweater off. Like, she was forcing herself, or she was  _being forced to_. I grabbed her face, making her eyes look into mine. "Kate? Kate, you're okay. It's just me. You don't have to do this."

She blinked at me, like she was lost. She pushed her shirt down again, "You're Max, right?"

"Yeah, Kate, it's me." I smiled at her, sighing in relief, "You're okay."

"I don't know what happened, I…"

She didn't have to finish. I hugged her, tight, close, reminding her who I was. She was hiding in my shoulder, hugging me back, and was sniffling. I felt my shoulder was becoming soaked in tears. "I'm sorry."

"Kate, none of this is your fault." I pulled away to look at her, but she hid her face in her hands. "Hey, look at me." I reached over to turn on the light, wanting to see her clearly.

A minute had to pass before she looked up: her eyes were red, she couldn't breathe, and her arms were holding herself, like she was afraid.  _I hate seeing those beautiful eyes so dark. Lacking life in them._ Her hazel eyes seemed black.

"See? It's me, Max. Girl who kicked a vending machine? Girl who was hitting her forehead against a table? Girl who always seems to have cake pops nearby?"

She chuckled, one corner of her lip lifting up. "Max, girl who makes me happy."

I chuckled at her sentence, too. I pulled her to her bed and sat her down, "Let's watch movies, okay?"

We lied down, laptop at the end of her bed, and I held her close like she was my teddy bear. I remembered my statement, saying the whole cake pop thing, and went into my backpack pocket, where a cake pop wrapped like a lumpy, big lollipop. It was the only thing I had time to buy, which looked dumb now I was looking at it. I handed it to her, which earned a giggle from her. She muttered a thank you, but didn't eat it.

_Ever since I met Kate, those pops were growing on me. I remember when I couldn't even look at them; they made my teeth feel rotten. But, like Kate, they're so sweet, so cute, and so irresistible. Maybe that's why I liked them? I dunno, but I knew I liked them now more than before._

"Hey, can I ask you something?" I spoke when the credits began to roll.  _I feel awkward. It's a weird timing._

"Of course. What's on your mind?" She lifted her head up to look at me.

"Will you be my girlfriend, Kate Marsh?"

She gave me one more kiss, "Yes, Max Caulfield."


	59. Chapter 59

The next morning, I woke up with Kate in my arms. I felt weird, the first thought was of Long Beach and how that whole trip was a big mess. Kate nearly kissing me and admitting her sins, to Rachel beating a girl up for smacking Chloe's ass. My next thought was happy. Happy that Kate was happy. Happy that  _I_ had a girlfriend. Happy that all those events shaped us and turned us into this.

I wish I could stay in bed with her, all day long, but Chloe needed me tonight. I could tell Kate won't be waking up anytime soon, which wasn't bad, but I had to get out at some point.

_Not right now, though._  Instead, I kissed her forehead and hugged her closer. It was like heaven. I wanted to stay. My phone buzzed.

**Chloe: Are you at Kate's? Where tf are you I need help.**

**Me: Yep. And I will be there soon. I'll text to let you know.**

I was slow to push Kate to the side, nearly waking her up. Thank dog, she didn't. I got out of bed and left, greeted by Victoria, sipping from a mug. The room smelled only of coffee, making my mouth water. I noticed on the dining table there were two other cups.

"Morning," I grabbed one of the mugs, stood standing instead of sitting down.

"Yeah, it is." She took another sip. I laughed for real, which was unbelievable to me. We were friends and I could say that honestly.

"What are you planning on doing today?" I asked, wanting the silence to break.

She shrugged, licking the coffee off her lips, "See my girlfriend, go out somewhere. Boring things, am I right?"

"Well, if the things are with your girlfriend, they shouldn't be boring."

She thought about it, then smirked, "Yeah, you're right. You're saying that because you two are together now, aren't you?"

"Yup." I nodded with a smile. I couldn't stop smiling, knowing the girl who witnessed me in my worst times still wanted to be with me.  _If it's a dream, I never want to wake up. But it's real and I never want to imagine it differently. I'm cheesy, but that's another effect Kate had on me._

"What about you? Plans?" She didn't have a bitchy thing to say. She was actually smiling at me.

"Speaking of relationships, Rachel and Chloe are gonna take the next step."

Her eyebrows raised, nearly choking on her drink, "Marriage?!"

"Yeah, tonight, but don't go around telling anyone, okay?"

"No promises, but fine."

_Maybe I shouldn't have opened my mouth about it. Chloe wants this to be as perfect as possible. Right, don't tell her the location!_

"I do have to leave after this, so just tell her when she wakes up I had to help them."

"Right, well, good luck, I guess."

* * *

Chloe had to pick me up, honking at me over and over impatiently. When I jumped into the car, her face was pissed off, but then softened into a more impressed smirk.

"Had a good night?" She asked, looking at me through the corner of her eye.

"You could say that." I smiled, it was hurting my cheeks. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I'm gonna fucking explode." She shook her head, releasing a deep exhale at the end. "God damn it, I can't back out! I can't! I can do this! I'm hella cool and shit—fuck it, I can do it!"

"You're not gonna be alone, Chloe." I chuckled at her actions, but it was understandable.  _I'm nervous like her, it was my idea and we set it up behind Rachel's back._ "Joyce and Sera are gonna be there too. The ring's in your pocket?"

"Yup… Can't believe this is really happening."

"That you're gonna marry her?"

"That I'm proposing at all. I didn't think I would get married at twenty-fucking-one. Or whatever fucking age I'll get married at. Before fucking thirty."

"… I'm proud of you, Chloe."

"Don't get sappy on me now." She scoffed. She said it like she hated it, but she really,  _really_ liked it.

* * *

"I wish I could be there to see it."

Kate sounded so happy—the happiest I've ever heard her. It was contagious.  _I really want to kiss her again. But, I have something else to do. I'll go back to see her. After helping Chloe with her proposal._

"I wish I could talk, but we still have to fix it. I'll see you later, okay?"

We still had setting up to do. We drove to the building Kate had given us for this event, going to work immediately. Right when we entered, we were met with Chloe's old truck, right in the center of the room, surrounded by polaroids I took back in Acardia Bay. We weren't sure how the room should be viewed, because it went full circle. Other than a few adjustments like straightening photos, it was fine.

Into the next room, it lead to the contrast photos I took of them. Rachel was on the left, bright, orange, and fun in San Francisco, while Chloe was on the right, blue, dark, and mysterious in Long Beach. It was a hallway we planned to make dim, though we were still arguing over it. The next room involved a projector, another important room to pay attention for glitches or faults in (I hope nothing like that will happen). Finally, after another hallway (which will stay dark), it was the biggest room, a lot of time and effort went into it and, it may be dumb to see at first, we were proud of it.

Chloe was working on the sound. We had to install speakers and everything had to be timed perfectly. The volume had to be enough to feel like it was all-around, but not loud that it hurts.

"Shit… this  _is_ hella happening…" She was spinning, slowly, to see everything. She had worked for hours on end to make it perfect.

"This is great, Chloe. She's gonna love it! You have nothing to worry about." I grabbed her arms to comfort her.  _Wowser, being able to comfort someone else without panicking is so… nice to do. I felt better listening to myself!_

"What if she says no? Maybe she'll be like, "I wish, but my job is like nosy" or some shit? What if something breaks in here? What if the things don't play? What if—"

"Chloe," I snapped my fingers, "Breathe. You're gonna be fine."

She breathed through her mouth, the sound of air going in and out was audible. She nodded, her eyes darting around the room, but she smiled at the end.

"Okay," I smiled and nodded back, "We have a few hours to kill. Think of everything you want to say to her. Think and think and think. You handle that while I get the moms' opinions."

"Right… right."

* * *

Even though it wasn't my proposal and they weren't my parents, I was nervous to show them. Moms were judgmental and were kind of nitpicky. They'll probably laugh at it in the beginning, like in disbelief Chloe had made it.

"I never thought I would see the day, Max." Joyce said right before we went into the building.

"Chloe said the same thing." I chuckled, "What about you, Sera?"

Sera smirked, then turned into a loving smile, "She'd rant on about how she would never marry anyone. After what happened with her father and swearing to never talk to him again, she had trust issues with all of this "marriage." Called it bullshit all the time. I knew something changed in here, especially now. She talked to me too about it and… I have a good feeling about this."

"Me too." I unlocked the door, holding it open for them. "Welcome to the Museum of… Amberprice?"

They both snickered at my greeting and walked inside. I had left the speakers off, for now, so there would still be an element of surprise for everyone.

It was complete silence. There wasn't a single noise, minus their shoes tapping on the floor. I was nervous, the same nervousness I felt during critiques, ready (not really) for anything they had to say.

I heard Sera huff, but in a more amused way, "I guess I didn't know everything at all."

"I agree with you on that." Joyce said on the other side of the room. "Chloe planned all of this?"

"Absolutely." I was following Sera, who looked back at me with an impressed facial expression. "She's still pretty scared. I wish I could help, but she's not backing out, I promise."

"I don't think she's a runaway kid anymore." Joyce had stopped to look at one of the many pictures. "Especially with Rachel."

"Agreed." Sera had stopped to stare too. "Met her on unlikely circumstances, but I could tell she was something great."

"So, what you guys are saying is, the place is good?"

"Yes, Max."  
"One hundred percent."

* * *

Chloe was pacing around, chewing at her nails, and drying her hands on her jeans. She was wearing the outfit she told Joyce to bring—the outfit she wore when she met Rachel for the first time. We were surprised it still fit her. She even wanted me to punch her in the eye for the bruise she had (I didn't do it).

"You'll go there first." I told Chloe as she paced. "I'll take them on a cable car and you'll drive to the place and you'll be in place."

"I feel like I'm gonna having a fucking stroke."

"Hey! You're gonna be fine! Deep breaths, positive thoughts, and think of the present, not later." Those exact words come from my own therapist, which had been helpful with every aspect in my life so far.

"Okay," she nodded, then slapped herself in the face, "I'm gonna go!" She rushed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

_Alright, Rachel's on her way right now. I haven't seen her, maybe she's wearing a nice outfit because of the whole audition thing. I can't think of her reaction. It would be anything. Great, now I'm nervous. Just be cool and think about the present._

Now I was the one pacing around being nervous. It had nothing to do with me; All I did was help! Although I knew it was gonna be a good outcome, it would feel shitty for the reaction to be so... underwhelming. We wanted—at least,  _I_ wanted—Rachel to  _lose her mind_. We didn't want her to react tough and act like she was too excited—no, we want her to be excited.

There was a knock on the door, "Max? It's me!"

_Rachel's here._ I opened the door and was welcomed by Rachel dressed in her most casual outfit—a red flannel and ripped jeans.

"I thought you were at a work thing?"

"Glad to see you too." She rolled her eyes. "I was and I was dressed up, but I hate them, they make me feel so shitty at the end. Well, what are we waiting for?! I need to see this exhibit!"

"We're still waiting on someone to come. They're gonna see it with us."

"Chloe?"

"Well, two people."

"Can I get a hint?" She walked in and smirked at me.

"Nope." I shook my head. "Not for the guests or the exhibit."

"I hella can't wait! God, I don't even know what could be in there!"

"I hope you like it." Another knock on the door. "That's them now."

I approached the door before Rachel could, opening it to show Joyce and Sera, wearing their semiformal dresses. Nothing to fancy, thank dog.

"Mom? Joyce? You're here to see it too?" Rachel was happy to see them, her smile becoming bigger.

"Well, yes, nothing wrong to support!" Joyce patted me on the back. "She's like a daughter to me, after all."

"And Chloe begged me to come here." Sera pulled Rachel into a hug. "How was work, my beautiful Rachel?"

She groaned, exaggerated and loud, "I don't want to talk about it. Let's just go to Max's exhibit already!"

Joyce, Sera, and I looked at each other, thinking the same thing in our heads. I nodded, "Alright, let's go."

* * *

During the cable car ride, Rachel was worried when she was trying to call Chloe, but getting no answer.

"Where the hell is she?" She was a mix of worry and pissed off.

"She's gonna show up, Rachel. Don't worry about it."  _I sounded kinda suspicious then. I should just not speak._

We stopped at the building; my heart shot up in speed. I grabbed the doorknob and, thank dog, it was unlocked.  _Chloe's already inside._

I opened it and the reaction I got from Rachel was beyond shocked. Her mouth hung open and her eyes were so wide, they might fall out of her head. She was blinking and trying to comprehend it all and she kept walking. She made sure to look and touch everything. She made fond smiles and laughs, explaining how she remembered all those moments to Joyce and Sera. My favorite was the truck, for sure.

The speakers were on, playing the first voicemail Chloe ever made for Rachel:

_"Uh... Hey, Rachel... Shit, I never leave fucking voicemail, I'm hella bad at this."_ Her nervous chuckle was in it too.  _"I just wanted to let you know that I love you... and that I'll never let you go. You're a pain in the ass sometimes, but I'm hella worse, right? Um, that's it. Uh, bye."_

Rachel looked like she was on the verge of tears. She was grabbing her mom and trying her best to be strong, but she was failing. Which wasn't bad at all.

_"Hey Chloe, I'm bad at this too."_ We heard her laugh too.  _"I've been listening to yours, so I'm sorry for not returning one until now. I love you too, even though we're apart again, I still somehow fall in love with you again and harder than the last. There's not a single thing out there that'll ever make me let you go... not even when the world's ending. And yeah, we're each other's pains, but that's just another reason why I love you. We saved each other, remember? I'm proud of you and I always miss you. Love you again."_

Joyce and Sera were surprised to hear the sappy words, but they laughed at their daughters' love, nonetheless.

"I hate crying, Max, and you know that!" Rachel ran over to smack my arm, but she was still smiling through her tears.

We kept going through the room, passing the silent hallway with the contrasting pictures. We were all looking back and forth. She was now grabbing onto me for support, taking deep breaths to stop her tears. We walked into the dark room, which flashed the projector on, showing Rachel's black-and-white Instagram pictures. She was alone in those photos, and it made the room feel heavy. She kept looking around, staring at herself being serious in every photo. About halfway, it changed to the photos with colors—all the food, San Francisco, and, of course, Chloe. Thus, playing the next voicemails.

"Shut the fuck up." She covered her mouth with both hands.

We kept on walking. It was onto the final act; the part that really mattered. Going through the dark hallway, Rachel's starry nightlight covering the wall (thanks to some brighter lights and some duct tape), I was feeling nervous too. I knew, I was the only one that knew Chloe was at the end.

The first thing we all saw was a theater stage on the left. It was the most difficult part to recreate, as Chloe had to do it by memory, but she had to recreate the stage for  _The Tempest_. There had to be some mistakes, but with the makeshift bird hat and staff in the middle of the stage (they were shitty and funny to look at), Rachel knew what it was. She wanted to cry so badly, but she held it together.

It was my idea to have contrasting time periods within the room. The past was on the left, the pictures I've taken so far while Rachel has been in San Francisco, as well as the Vanity Fair cover as a poster.  _They haven't noticed the middle was dark. Thank dog, everything else is just so… wowser. I can't believe we did this._

The moment Rachel's voicemail finishes, the lights had to shut off (done by me by escaping while they were distracted), and I had to switch to the middle one.

Because we couldn't fit a life-sized scale of a light post, with the help of Kate's friends (we lied and said it was an art project), they were able to make one in a small timeframe. I never asked how and I didn't want to know. I just asked them to take it after. Lastly, with the help of Warren, he put it into the floor (with Kate's friends to carry it, because duh) and set up the electricity to turn on the light with just a switch.

Chloe was standing there, unable to stand still and waved her hand at us to say hi. Rachel was stunned at first, speechless as she was slowly going up to her. "What is this, Chloe? Why are you wearing that again?" Her voice was shaky.

"Because I'm hella crazy for this." She grabbed Rachel's hands. "How the fuck do I start this?"

"How about this not being an exhibit?"

"It kinda is! I mean, she came up with it, but I put everything in here."

"Chloe, what's going on?"

"Listen," she rubbed the back of her neck, "I've been thinking about this. It hella annoyed me, but I'm willing to do it."

Joyce, Sera, and I decided to leave; it was their idea. We hid in the hallway to listen, but not watch. It reminded me of their fight in Long Beach, but thank dog, it wasn't a fight.

"We've been together for a hella long time. We were always together, we  _are_ always together. I can't believe I'm doing this… and I hate to use this line from this stupid book I read, but it's not we're two halves becoming a better whole. We're two wholes turned into… two better—fucking hate that book."

Rachel laughed, "I know what you mean. But, we still complete each other."

"Yeah, that. So, I love you a lot. Becoming sober, supporting you being away, supporting your job at all even though it's fucking shitty, I'd do anything. You make me hella happy. I have hella shit to say, but… shit, I keep forgetting. But, what I'm saying is…" I assumed this was where she got on one knee. "Will you… marry me?"

There was a pause. I decided to look, watching Chloe on her knee while Rachel stood, trying to stop tears from coming out.

"Chloe Price, you're hella crazy…" She finally spoke, drying her face. "I thought you already did with the fucking ring pops! You're—You're—"

"Just say yes and fucking kiss me already." Chloe stood up and grabbed her waist. So Rachel did, repeating "yes" before and in-between kisses.

I released all the breath I was holding in. I was so relieved the proposal was successful. I took plenty of pictures of them and every moment I knew they wanted to have and see it over and over again.


	60. Chapter 60

Imagine this: five years have passed, we graduated in four years (because I was slow and only had two classes each quarter), and finally, on our fifth year together, we moved in together into a nice house in a narrow, steep, yet busy street. It was more tall than it was wide, but Kate wanted some space for pets, like recently, we got a dog, a tall black dog with grey spots and funny enough she was also named Max, though she was very old already from the shelter. She was perfect to us. We had Kate the dog too, the one from the pet shop. She was in the same shelter, probably because she was in the shop for too long. When we saw she was missing an eye, we knew she was the one.

I woke up, alone in bed as I stretched my arms up. I looked around and saw a little note on top of my camera on the bedside table. When I grabbed it, it read:

_"Off to buy some books. Make sure to feed Max and Kate."_

I thought it was funny our pets had the same name as us. The dogs were in bed with me, Max at my feet and Kate next to my face. I sat up to stretch my arms and back, hearing a couple cracks. I swung my legs to the side of the bed, standing up to go downstairs.

Our house was simple. We kept simple, pastel colors in each room, with some pictures and artworks on the wall. My favorite picture was our graduation one, with the beautiful spring weather in our red caps and gowns. She kissed my cheek in the photo, which was the best part about it. Chloe and Rachel were able to make it to watch us, in hiding of course; Rachel wanted it to be our day.

Speaking of those two, their wedding was a small gathering back in Arcadia Bay. No celebrity friends, no fancy decorations, nothing over the top—it was a simple wedding by the lighthouse. After, Rachel took another break from her career for her and Chloe to do the whole honeymoon thing (I have no idea where they went) and get used to being married. They lived in the apartment for some time, but with some convincing, they were traveling together to countries and were able to be together for Rachel's hectic job. Since the wedding, they were being followed more.

I should call soon.

Downstairs was a comfy place; Kate and I stayed in it a lot to watch movies. We finally had a comfortable couch to rest on and so many nice little decorations, it felt like home for real. Kate handled choosing all the décor and what would look best. I chose some, more for colors, but she had fun picking things and there wasn't anything I disagreed with. Along with keeping our instruments, like our guitar and violin, but we never use them anymore. Plus, downstairs was where Kate's office was. She was able to find good work right away, making a few children's books and working in cartoons, both storyboarding and the animating. She had a few offers, but right now, she was working in a film! She made a compromise to have a position in a cartoon show after the film was over. I was so happy for her! I still haven't stopped celebrating it, even now.

However, I was still working in freelance, with a few magazine and commissions, but Kate was the breadwinner in our little family. Which she didn't mind at all. I was the one cooking the food and keeping the house in order. I wouldn't have imagined all this happening, but I was glad it was.

After setting up the food for the pets, I began making breakfast for Kate. Setting up the tea kettle, frying up bacon and pancakes, along with some fruits for Kate on the side. The last time I talked to Chloe, now she was teasing  _me_ about marriage. I haven't thought about it; it was hard to think about with our joint debts from school. We haven't exactly had a problem paying them, but it was a lot of money.

"What are you doing there?" I felt arms around my waist and breath against my ear.

I chuckled at the feeling, letting go of the pan to put my hand over hers. "Taking care of you, of course."

Kate always seems to glow more and more every day. She didn't look tired anymore like before. She was confident, eager to get the day going, and excited for life, really. She kissed my cheek, letting go of me. "It smells good. Can't wait to eat it."

"You've eaten this before." I flipped the pancake in the pan, perfectly golden. "In fact, I think you eat this every morning."

"I always want to eat everything you make. I wouldn't mind eating the same things every day until I die." She grabbed a mug from the cupboard and made her cup of tea. "But, we had eggs and hashbrowns yesterday, so not  _every day_."

"You got me there."

I heard her greet the dogs with her baby voice, petting them and the dogs excited panting.

"How was the bookstore?" I asked as I stacked a plate high with four pancakes while setting up another plate for bacon.

"Fascinating." Kate grabbed her mug to sip it. "I bought a few new releases. One's about two girls meeting out of the blue and their time growing together, which I'm excited to read. The other ones were a few I thought you'd like. Sci-fi."

"Thanks, I should read more nowadays. I haven't read anything in a long time."

"If you have the time, but the books will always be waiting for you."

"Very true." I placed the bacon in the pan and leaned against the counter, pressing my shoulder into hers. "What plans do you have today?"

"It's more of a rest day, if I'm being honest." She chuckled, resting her head on me. "I've burnt out a bit…"

"It's always good to take a rest day." I kissed her head, earning a giggle from her. "But, since neither of us have plans, how about we go out today?"

"And what will we be doing, Miss Caulfield?"

"Well, Miss Marsh… I dunno, just… being together." I chuckled, embarrassed by my  _excellent_ planning skills.

"Well, we could start with walking our kids first."

I blushed at her calling our dogs our "kids." She usually said it, not me, but it was a nice way to refer to them.

I left to flip the bacon strips, only to have my phone ring and vibrate on the dining table.

"I'll get it." Kate placed her mug down and did so. "Hello?"

"Hey!" The phone was on speaker, letting Chloe's voice blare out. "What have you been up to in San Francisco?!"

"Chloe, it's so nice to hear from you!" Kate replied, sitting down at the table. "We've been good. Simple living with simple things to do."

We heard her scoff, "Okay, miss I'm-making-a-movie. But hey, me and Rachel are gonna be in the city and we want to hang if that's cool!"

"That sounds amazing! When are you arriving here?"

"It'll be night by the time we get there, but I'm letting you know now, I want  _food_."

I chuckled at her, knowing well she loved simple, normal food like burgers or something like that. She didn't have to specify anymore; I always knew. "Okay!" I raised my voice for her to hear me.

"We'll see you tonight, Chloe. Can't wait." Kate chuckled after her sentence.

"See ya!"

When the call ended, I was still cooking the food and I felt arms around my waist again. "I'll take your offer then, but I'm buying lunch."

"No, I think  _I_ should buy lunch."

"You're already making breakfast. It's only fair."

"I'm buying lunch."

"I am!"

"I am!"

"Max, please."

"We'll flip a coin."

* * *

Kate won.

It was winter, so it was frosty breath and wearing sweaters and scarves. Over time, we ended up being the couple who matched clothes. I always thought it was a thing couples who were together for a few months did but, for us, it was the bracelet then, without noticing, we were wearing the same sweater under our jackets. It wasn't corny or anything, stuff like our clothes from college and plain shirts with logos on it, but today it was the one Kate bought a while ago: hers had doughnuts printed all over it and mine had coffee mugs.

"When was the last time we went out like this?" Kate spoke with fog coming out of her mouth. She hid into her scarf after, but her red nose was still sticking out.

"It was still hot." I chuckled, squeezing her hand. "But, that's what makes these things fun! It's nice not being in your office working frame by frame, right?"

"Of course. I prefer sleeping with you more than anything."

I held my laughter, hiding my smile under my scarf. Some things never change.

"You know what I mean!" She slapped my arm; I barely felt it.

"I know, I know! I'm ten years old with stuff like that."

"When will I ever learn?" She said through a sigh. "But really, what is your plan today?"

"Like I said, we're just being together. I wanted to go out and be with you. That's it. And, frankly, that's all I need."

"Quality time?"

"Exactly! I'm not wasting time or that I genuinely can't think of anything, but I just want time with you. We'll eat some lunch, buy lots of coffee and hot chocolate, then we'll go back. We'll be able to watch movies before Rachel and Chloe get there. I'll have to cook something for Chloe, too. Probably more breakfast." I chuckled at the end of my sentence. I guess I had a talent for breakfast foods; no one complained about it, obviously.

It was quiet again. I thought Kate had nothing to say, so I dismissed it for a second. I looked at her again and she was giving me a look I was familiar with: a look of coy, puppy-like happiness.

"Why're you looking at me like that?" I smiled back, bumping my shoulder into hers.

"Because, what did I do to have you in my life? We met through a vending machine not giving you chips."

"Vending machines are my wingmen."

She giggled, "Right. We'll have to thank that one someday."

"We're gonna look insane."

"We're in love because of this machine."

I chuckled at the thought. It was two things: a vending machine and a library desk. Both of which I hurt myself on, both accidentally and purposefully. Though, she was right after all. I had an interest in her way before those things happened, but because of those things, we were here. I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I guess so. I knew it wasn't my funny jokes and awkward personality."

"Those things too."

* * *

We decided to stop into a coffee shop for a small moment, because it was becoming colder outside. The warmth of the building hit us right away, along with the cool orange lighting hitting against dark, brown wooden flooring and tables. Everything about the little shop felt warm—both our skin and our souls. It prompted us to take two seats at the bar, taking our jackets and sitting next to each other. We asked for two small cups of cappuccinos, something to drink while we talked more.

Kate lifted her sleeves to reveal her small collection of tattoos she was getting. She wasn't doing it right away (always says she has "no time"), but she took advantage of her more realistic style to have some flowers, rabbits, and music related pieces on her. The only one I ever did for her was a picture of a tiny tree, right next to her cross, that looked really crappy next to the other things. My favorite had to be the most recent (and biggest) one on her right arm, a black-and-white angel covering pretty much all of her scars. She said she won't go any higher, nor she would go on other body parts, but it was beautiful enough already on their own.  _Good thing I brought my bag. This is a perfect picture opportunity._

I took my camera out (still worked, thank dog), aimed it at her, and she smiled at me. She was used to me doing this constantly but, even better, she wasn't afraid to pose anymore. "Hey beautiful..." I spoke low enough for only her to hear me. She giggled, a bigger smile showing her teeth, turning the picture beyond perfect. I took the picture out and shook it to develop. Looking at it, it was breathtaking. Smiling at her again, I put it away.

"I still can't believe you have all of these." I touched her right arm; it was closer to me. "I'm kinda jealous."

"I thought it would be the other way around in the beginning. I never thought I would do this; it feels... exhilarating." She chuckled at the end. "I'm surprised you still only have one."

"It's important to me." I tapped myself on my shoulder. "I could do better than a stupid tree for you, though."

"It's my favorite!" She grabbed at her wrist. "I wouldn't change it for anything. I've gotten so many though, but neither Rachel nor Chloe has seen them."

"That's right!" I never thought about it, but it was a secret, unintentionally. It was just never important and when we were with them, she had valid reasons to wear long sleeves, i.e. wedding, winter, and simply casual clothes. "You should surprise them."

"Chloe is going to have a heart attack!" She dropped her cup down with a clatter. "She's going to interrogate me! Rachel's going to pass out and then wake up again to interrogate me too."

"Come on, they're gonna find out eventually. Just like, show up at the door with short sleeves. I wanna see their reactions."

"You're too much, Max... But, it sounds fun."

"I told you it would be fun. Now, wanna eat lunch here? I mean, we're here already." I already finished my coffee without noticing it.

"Yes, absolutely. But remember, I'm paying."

"Max?! Kate?!" We heard a voice behind us.

"Warren!" I said, happily, as I stood up to give him a hug. I wasn't expecting him at all, him and Nathan together, too. I didn't know he was still in San Francisco! I stopped seeing him at school, so I thought he moved away or got a better job. Hell, both!

They didn't look all that different, to say the truth. Maybe different haircuts, shorter and more... swoop-y looking. I noticed Warren gave in to Nathan's expensive tastes and was wearing a Versace jacket. It wasn't him, though; it looked wrong on him.

"I wasn't expecting to see you!" I admitted when I let him go.

"Right back at you!" He chuckled, grabbing Nathan's hand again. "We live outside of the city now, but thought we'd stop by! Mind if we sit with you?"

"Not at all, we were about to get some food."

Kate greeted them, hugging Warren and nodding her head at Nathan (he hated being touched by anyone else). "How are you two?"

"Great!" Warren replied, taking his jacket off, revealing a shirt saying "Alexa that's so sad." I couldn't bring myself to look at the back. At least there was something that hasn't changed. "Check this out!" Warren grabbed Nathan's arm to lift his hand up. he put his own hand side-by-side, showing silver rings on the left hands. "We're married!"

"Congratulations, you two!" Kate nearly squealed. She loved love. Because, of course she did. "When did this happen?"

"We're almost a year in, so we decided to go out today. It was awesome! I had to propose when Nathan graduated and got his first job as a photographer."

"How did you do that?" She ate these kinds of things up. Especially now when she had this side-project involving these kinds of subjects. She told me "I can't tell you what it is yet."  _I wonder what she means by that._

"Well, it was around the time he had to travel for his first task, so I may have rushed it a bit, so we were engaged for a long time before I just did that. He was pissed off I was rushing it, but he still said yes!"

I saw Nathan huff behind him, but there was a blush on his face. I lifted my camera up and aimed it at all of us. "Another memory."

* * *

We walked back home, arm-in-arm. For whatever reason (it was pretty obvious, actually), when we had a massive amount of time on our hands like this, I began to have these thoughts about Kate. Despite our long relationship, we never really did anything beyond kissing each other's necks, with occasional deep kissing with lots of touching. I wasn't saying it like I was needy, but I really hated I thought about it at all. She was still coming to terms with everything that happened before. It was a selfish thought.

When we got home, we decided to stay in our room instead, where if we closed the door, it would be warmer in there. So, we did just that. Our house was warm, so the dogs roamed around and did their own little thing.

I was in the bedroom changing out of my jacket while Kate took the bathroom. She had always kept the door a crack opened, enough to see a sliver of her. I felt like such a perv for peeking and staring at her, but she was changing out of her jacket and sweater, with parts of her bare back showing through the opening. I cleared my throat, hopping into bed to turn the TV on. I always did channel-surfing instead of actual watching, or waiting on her to get into bed already. It was usually pretty quiet for the most part when we watch; we don't watch movies with so much romance or anything. They were all my favorite genres and nothing else. Though, it sounded bad like that.

Kate left the bathroom with her hair down and one of my shirts she stole from me, showing off her arms freely. I felt a jolt run through me, as if I've never seen this before. Her hair grew out long, leveling with her elbows, because again, she had "no time." Plus, it was too cold and it was probably her personal blanket. She jumped into bed, covering herself from nose to toe with the blanket, and grabbed me into a cuddle to use me as a heater.

"What do you feel like watching?" I pulled her in closer to my chest. I cleared my throat again, trying to push away those thoughts before it would start distracting me.

"Is there anything you want to watch?" She lifted her head up to me.

"I think we watched everything we could. At least, of all of my favorites: specific movies and genres. You don't have anything particular to watch?"

"I'll have to look." She got up an inch before she fell back down with a groan. "Too cold..."

"Well, we can't look through Netflix, we already watched everything we wanted to watch. You know everything there is garbage, right?"

"I know, but it's so cold..." Every word was extended with a groan. "I'll sleep in the meantime." She turned away from me to sleep on her side.

"Come on, it's supposed to be "quality time"... time." I grabbed her again, being a big spoon.

"This is still us time, Max." She giggled through her sentence, squirming a little in my arms. "You're tickling me."

I didn't reply. Instead, I squeezed at her sides as she squirmed more. She was giggling more and more, higher and higher, and running out of breath. She was leaning away, but I was lying on top of her.

"Okay! Max! Okay, you win! You win!" Kate pleaded in-between breaths.

When I stopped, I had to get off of her, so she could face up and catch her breath. "Sorry, Kate. I couldn't help it after you said that."

"Then, I'll never say it again." She turned away again as she lied down.

"I just wanted to cuddle again." I got up from bed, running my fingers through my hair as I walked into the bathroom.  _I'm such an ass sometimes. Though, I only want her smiling, even if that meant tickling torture._

I was changing into another shirt, leaving the door open. I looked into the mirror, looked down only to look up again: Kate was staring at me.

"See something you like?" I asked with a smirk.

"I had a feeling you were staring at me earlier. Only fair I look too." She sat up, resting the blanket on her lap. "You left it open purposefully."

"Duh." I chuckled. I wore my pink Jane shirt, now ripped up as hell and faded. I crawled into bed again, lying down on my side of the bed. Kate reacted by lying down on top of me. "Hi." She did this a lot, mostly just because she can. "You're so affection." I ran my hand through her hair.

"You said you wanted time together." She kissed me. "And my work may take up more of my time. I'll be up for hours and stuck in my office." She kissed me again. "I'll be too exhausted to do things like this with you."

I sighed. There were a couple times before where she would work for hours and sleep in her office, along with only eating at midnight. It was crazy to see her not resting, because in school, she made sure to have rest.

"I know." I placed my hands on her hips. "This is better than watching movies anyway."

Her hand held onto the side of my neck as she pulled me into another kiss. It felt slower, like she didn't want to forget the feeling. We weren't stopping, we couldn't pull away from each other, and I was slowly feeling my body heating up. I could feel her smile against my lips as it kept going.

She pulled away first. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't think I need a blanket anymore."

"... Let's go a little further today."

"F–further?" My face had to be as red as a tomato at this point.

"Just a little." Her cheeks were pink and her smile couldn't be contained. "Only if you want to."

"I should be asking you that."

"I... I think about it more recently. It's strange, I know, but thinking about you... It's very unexpected. I'm surprised at myself too. It feels... nice? It sounds so weird, I'm sorry! It's... this is new."

"If you're ready and comfortable, we can go further. We can stop whenever. Y–you could laugh too, even! This is my first time ever."

Kate was silent for a moment. Her eyes were traveling up and down, the same way she looked at the artworks when we went to museums. "I remember."  _It's like she thinks of me as a masterpiece. I'm more of Marcel Duchamp's Fountain, especially in my pajamas._ Her laugh was bubbly and shy, her head nuzzling into my neck. "It's always embarrassing. I'm embarrassed right now too. You're so red!"

"Okay, okay!" I laughed too, touching my own forehead and cheek—it was blazing hot.  _I couldn't stop thinking about it! To feel Kate, to hear her, and to be so close to her I didn't want to pull away. Five years is a long time after all..._

She lifted her head slightly, feeling her breath against my neck. As I expected, this tiny action caused a bigger reaction in me. I felt dramatic for jolting even a little bit. _As if she has never touched my neck before._ Instead, her head raised and kissed my forehead... then my nose... then my cheek... then my lips. Though slow, I felt her passion through it. Like her, she was gentle. Her touches were barely noticeable, too. When I felt them, goosebumps ran through my body. The feelings were different compared to before; I couldn't think anymore. I was holding back noise coming from my throat as I felt her lips against my neck, placing so much I wanted to giggle. Her fingertips ran down my arms and sides, speeding my heart rate.

“This is so embarrassing, I shouldn’t act like I know what I’m doing!” There was Kate again. Her face was so red; she looked like she was about to explode. But, a part of me knew there was still something pressuring her inside.

“Don’t force yourself. It’s okay.” I kissed her forehead. “I can’t lie to you; it felt really good.” I chuckled, feeling like I made the situation awkward.

“I’m glad. That’s a little further, like I said, right? Or, is it about the same?”

“I don’t remember, but… let’s say it’s further. We’re ready when we’re ready, Kate. Don’t ever feel like we need to rush into it.” _I can’t imagine what she thinks about when a situation like this happens. I can’t imagine them to be good things. As much as I love her, this isn’t important to us. No matter how many times Rachel and Chloe mention it; Kate’s full consent comes first._

“What did I do to deserve you, Max Caulfield?” She sounded dreamy, like she couldn’t believe any of this was real. Her eyes were starting to well up too. I hated seeing her cry, but it was different this time—the hazel color stayed bright.

Kate’s head turned to the side, listening to vibrations bouncing against solid surface.

She wiped her eyes and reached over to the bedside table where our phones were sitting on. She grabbed mine, vibrating in her hand. "Hello?"

"Hey! We've been texting you two! Are you home?" Chloe sounded pissed off. "We're standing outside your house!"

_Oh shit! Wait, really?! Dog, is there really a godly being at there that knew I was about to express my love for Kate for the millionth time? Maybe Rachel or Chloe has “oh fuck, Max is about to do the thing again” senses._

"We're so sorry! We decided to nap and... I guess we lost track."

"Hey, no worries. You guys are worth the wait!" Rachel said that in the background.

"Okay, just let us get ready!" Kate hung up and loudly placed my phone back on the bedside table. We laid there for a minute, letting the situation sink in. She seemed sad with the situation, like she didn’t wanna hang out with them. I could tell she was thinking about ignoring them and forgetting they were outside.

“Come on, Kate. They’re our friends.”

“I know. Let’s finish this later, okay?”

“Of course.” She kissed me one more time and got out of bed.

* * *

The house was warm enough to wear t-shirts, but still cool enough to wear pants. I made sure Kate wore a t-shirt to scare them.

"Okay, Kate," I sat down on the couch, letting the dogs jump into my lap, "time to scare the crap out of them."

She chuckled as she unlocked it, shaking her head, but she knew it was the truth. When she opened the door, Rachel and Chloe's faces were growing into smiles, only to quickly turn into shock. Especially Chloe, whose mouth was on the floor.

"Are those real?!" Chloe stomped her foot into the house, alarming the dogs to lift their heads.

"Yes, Chloe. They're a hundred percent real." Kate replied with a laugh. She held her right arm out, the one that was completed, for them to see and they leaned in.

"I'm hella sorry, but holy fucking shit!" Chloe was cheerful and laugh hard in excitement, jumping up and down. "They look hella fucking sick!"

Kate laughed along with her. "It's okay, I've gotten used to it. Thank you. I drew them myself, except the little tree. That one's Max."

"Oh..." Chloe's expression changed into a look of... disgust? I couldn't tell. "Cool..." She extended the middle of the word.

Rachel couldn't react yet. She was still letting it process in her mind or something.

"Oh my god! Okay!" Oh, it caught up.

"This is hella crazy, Kate!" Rachel touched Kate's arms, paying special attention to the flowers and animals. "Wow... I literally don't know what the hell to say! It's hella cool! Give me a hug, girl!"

Rachel pulled Kate and Chloe into a group hug. "You too, Max!"

I sighed, sarcastic and exaggerated, but I joined in, wrapping around Rachel and Chloe.

Because of the crazy famous life, they were constantly on TV or whenever I check my phone for news and stuff. It was never negative things (it was the same manager who ruled with an iron fist), it was just obvious they were going out a lot to parties and work. Rachel was an actress for a time, starred in a couple movies, but she stuck with modeling (it was  _hella_ stressful, her words not mine). Chloe stuck with more natural hair colors, she was back to her natural one, but it was Rachel's turn to have crazy colors because she was promoting this bright, pastel-looking brand. Her hair now was the blue Chloe used to have, which looked just as cool.

"Now," Kate let go first, then the rest of us did too, "let's sit down and Max will make us our dinner. Right, love?"

"Wait," Chloe turned to me, looking at me with a death glare, "you... you haven't made food yet?!"

"I know and I hear what you're saying, but... listen—"

"Bitch, make the food! I'm gonna watch you the whole time!" She followed me into the kitchen as the other two sat on the couch with our pets.

Chloe was close to me, making me uneasy. "You guys were fucking, weren't you?" She whispered and smirked at me.

"W–What? What makes you think that?" I grabbed a pan from the cupboard. _It was a thought, but, if you push me far, Chloe, I’ll smack with this pan._

"'Napping?'" Her hands made air quotes. "You guys don't nap together! You watch movies and go outside. Come on." She took her jacket off and hung it on a chair at the dinner table. I expected more tattoos on her and there were, on her neck and chest (and maybe her face, I needed to look closer), but she kept her promise on leaving her left arm clear except the one star. "You guys were fucking. Just admit it."

I rolled my eyes and heated the pan to make pancakes. "We weren’t. We were in bed and we were doing things. That’s it." The stove had a middle grill part and I turned that on too. I needed to make burgers to make up for not cooking them earlier.

" _Love_ Kate's nickname." She chuckled and crossed her arms. "How was it?" _You’re pushing, Chloe._

"We didn’t do anything.”

"Do you want me to tell about our's yesterday? Rachel and I  _had_ to do it. You know, so it would be fair?"

"Please don't. It wasn’t anything, I promise. We were talking.”

"... Holy shit, you're a bottom."

"Wha—Where did you get that from?"

"You didn't deny it!" She pointed her finger at me. "You're a bottom!"

I pushed my hand against her mouth, silencing her. She was screaming it.  _It's embarrassing! Why is she saying it like it is? We didn’t do anything!_

"What did you say?!" Rachel called out from the living room.

"Nothing!" I yelled back, then gave Chloe a glare.

Chloe had a satisfied smile on her face.

I refused to answer at first, setting up the food and placing burger patties on the grill, hearing the sizzles.

“I swear, Chloe, we didn’t do anything. We were cuddling and talking, that’s it. She was about to cry when you guys called.”

"What the hell were you two talking about?”

"Well, to be fair to you, we thought about going further, but we stopped. She became emotionally about us being together, you know? “What did I do to deserve you?’”

She groaned and let her head hang back. “Great, now she has to wait for an answer and it’s _our_ fault.”

"Yep." I nodded and went to cooking with the spatula in my hand.

"We're hella good at doing that, aren't we?"

"Is good the right word?" I forced a laugh. "Anyway, let's just change subjects. That one on your chest looks new."

It was a raven taking up her entire chest from shoulder to shoulder, dramatic midnight blues and shining shades to show feathers flying off behind it. There was a butterfly on her neck, which was self-explanatory.

"It's a week old." She pulled her shirt down lower to show the whole piece. "It was a  _bitch_ to get. Shit still hurts right now!"

"Multiple sessions?"

"Hell no, I did it in one day. Don't ask me how I did it because I don't even know." She grabbed the bottom of her shirt and showed her side and stomach for the rest of her pieces. The one I noticed first was the gun against her hip. She had a quote under her boob saying "Hey Asshole!" which I think it was something Rachel said. Along her right side was a detailed black and white piece like her skin was ripped open and exposing her ribs. She wasn't showing it, but I was aware her entire right leg was covered, even her foot. It was so elaborate I couldn't remember much of it.

"What do you think of Kate's?"

"They're fucking awesome! Except your stupid tree."

"You don't understand true art." I flipped the burgers over, all made medium.

"I understand your art on  _her_ stinks. Did you use the gun yourself or something?"

"No, I just... drew it very quickly."

Yeah, uh, never do that again."

* * *

 "How's your work been, Rachel?"

We were sitting at the dinner table, eating a mix of dinner foods and breakfast foods. Unlike everyone else who had a single serving of each thing: pancakes, burgers, eggs, and made some fries (because why not), Chloe had at least two of each of them.

She groaned and dropped her fork down with a clatter. "Same old, same old." She moved her hair, sweeping it behind her. "Shows to do, countries to go, people to see, interviews, meetings... just same old stuff. At least I have my sanity still having Chloe there from now on." Chloe wasn't paying attention to her nice words, though. She continued, grabbing her fork again. "You two are just...  _so_ perfect. Do you guys ever fight?"

"Of course." Kate shrugged and nodded. "Not serious stuff. Just like disagreements on things. Movies, where to eat, who's going to pay for lunch or dinner. Especially when I want to stay up and she tells me to come to bed. But, you guys have a good relationship too."

"We do. Being married is hella great! What's it like for you two living together?"

"It's been wonderful." Kate said with a happy, genuine smile. "I haven't had any complaints, except Max leaves clothes around sometimes."

"I'm trying my best to stop doing that, okay?" I spoke with my mouth full of fries.

"Don't do that either." Kate grabbed a napkin and cleaned my mouth and chin.

I was sitting uncomfortably whilst they were talking. _Now that I think about it… Kate really is waiting for an answer. No wonder she looked so sad. She really likes listening to me gush about her for two trillion years. Oh dog, now it’s making me sad. I’m sure she’s happy now, though! Rachel and Chloe are fun to be around._

"Um, I'm gonna go upstairs for a second." I scooted out of my seat and hurried upstairs before they could say anything. I was having second thoughts halfway up, but it was too late. I said what I said and did what I did, so I went, getting into the bedroom and shutting the door.

I stood there. _That was… kinda embarrassing. Shit, am I overthinking this? It’s just talking! Was the real emotion from Kate’s question get to me? I don’t get it…_

"Max?" Kate's voice on the other side of the door startled me, my body jolting at the sound. "Are you okay in there?"

"Y–yeah!" An obvious lie with an obvious fake tone of voice. "I just... I just need some time in here right now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I just—I feel a little sick."

"... Max, let me in."

I did it in a heartbeat, opening the door for her, welcomed by her worried look. "Kate, I'm just... a little dizzy."

"Is it because we were interrupted?" She placed her hand on my cheek. "Because I understand."

"No, I told Chloe we talked, but something about your question just kinda—I dunno, it’s a lot in my head right now. Something about your question, I just—”

She smiled at me and kissed my forehead. "It’s okay. Don’t worry about it anymore; I’m so glad we’re here together. Do you want to stay up here for a bit?”

I nodded.

* * *

I released the deepest sigh I could when I left the bedroom again. I didn’t cry, but I wanted to just sit there and think to myself. I wanted to think of an excuse, which me hurrying deserved one. All I could think of was something work-related. Which, let's be real, I would only care about it until deadline. (Aka, a habit I should stop before I'll never get anything done ever again).

"What the hell happened?" Rachel tilted her head to the side. Chloe rolled her eyes, knowing it was my emotional ass crying about how much I loved Kate.

"Nothing, I forgot I had to do something. It's a freelancing thing I nearly forgot."

I saw Chloe and Kate's face change into disbelief. Chloe especially; she was mouthed "what the fuck" to me.

Rachel squinted at us but got up and placed her empty plate in the sink. "Anyway! We should head out again! Let's visit places! Let's visit people! Places and people I  _want_ to see."

"We could." I didn't feel like eating anymore so I left it on my plate as a leftover for later. "We could see Dana at HUE and... That's kinda it."

Everyone else went on with their lives in other states or countries. The only people I could think of were Dana and Victoria, but the latter traveled a lot.

"We should do that at the end?"

"I can call Victoria." Kate reached into her back pocket for her phone. "Perhaps she's in the city."

"You can try."

"Yeah, you do that." Chloe approached me and hooked her arm around my shoulders. "We're gonna talk outside for one second." She pushed me towards the front door. I crashed into it and stumbled to open it, but when we were outside, she shut it loudly.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Maxine?"

"Shit, you called me that, it's serious."

"Hell yeah! Bitch," she poked me in my shoulder, hard enough for me to react in pain, "you’re really that sad about us interrupting your cheesy romance talk?!”

"Does Rachel know about that?"

"Max... did you  _really_ just ask that? Kate had to admit it."

_I'm the dumb one here. It’s so embarrassing now to think about that whole situation. Okay, I get it, we’re a super cheesy couple and I, who was so happy to meet (through hurting myself from stress, but…) her, just wants to cry about it sometimes. My anxiety tells me to freaky out but my better mental health wants to laugh at myself._

"Whatever. It happened and I already said what I said, so if everyone knows, then okay!"

"Oh Max, you innocent little thing." She ruffled with my hair and went back inside. I followed, fixing my hair back in place.

"Good news!" Kate cheered, looking at her phone in her hand. "Victoria's here! She wants to meet at Starbucks next to school."

"Cool, is she nicer now?"

"Oh yes, she has grown kinder over time. I wouldn't be surprised if she still has her mean tendencies, though."

"How is Rache going in there? She's gonna get hounded." Chloe pointed her hand towards her wife, who was was standing to put her jacket on again.

"She said to meet, but she didn't say we were going to sit inside of it." Kate recalled the text messages. "I mentioned you, so she might take us elsewhere."

"Okay... but I'm trusting you!" Chloe pointed her finger at her.

We got ready for our ride, putting on our layers and jackets to stay warm, huddled together like penguins as we went to Rachel's ride. Of course, she had a driver with a long car to take us everywhere. Even though we were paired up—Rachel and Chloe, me and Kate—Kate and I were texting each other.

**Me: Was that the stupidest thing I've ever said?**

**Cinnamon Roll: No, but**

**Me: But what?**

**Cinnamon Roll: It was an attempt. You get an A for effort!**

**Me: Sorry.**

**Cinnamon Roll: Don't be! I shouldn't have been so... what word is it?**

**Me: They were tears of joy, I promise.**

I put my phone away, avoiding her answer, but I could feel Kate smiling under her scarf. I crossed my arms, staring out the dimmed windows, watching buildings, cars, and people pass.  _I would take a picture of it, but I want to save my film for later._

We arrived to Starbucks, seeing Victoria right away in her designer outfit and blonde hair, which was shorter than before. She stood at the front, staring down at her phone.

"Victoria!" Kate hopped out of the car to hug her first.

Her reaction was late, but once Kate was on her and was hugging her, she hugged her back. We got out of the car (after I had to take a picture, of course) and greeted her too. Despite being friends for a long time, I still felt fear when I got close to her. Even a hug from her was  _still_  a little scary.

"Hey you two." She waved her hand at Rachel and Chloe.

"Whoa, wait, you're not going to fangirl on me?" Rachel was saying that happily, her face changing into joy.

"I got over it, okay? I know I was annoying." Victoria rolled her eyes. "You're a person and I'm sorry I freaked the fuck out." She sounded sarcastic, but it wasn't.

"Oh thank god." Rachel sighed and decided to hug her too.

"You're welcome, but we need to head out." Victoria patted her on her back. "You're still "super-model-famous-celebrity" Rachel Price to everyone else."

"Right." Rachel pulled away and fixed Victoria's hood for her.

* * *

We went to a smaller part of the city; Neither Kate nor I have ever been to. It seemed to be a bar, not like HUE sf, but more of a simple place to sit in and have a few drinks sometimes. It won't be a good idea to go see Dana after drinking already. I could tell Rachel and Chloe won't be coming along to see her too.

We sat in a booth, a comfortable red swede covered in gold decorations. While the three of them ordered some wine, Kate and I stayed alone with our cups of water. We already ate, so we didn't order anything.

"What have you been up to, Victoria?" Kate started the conversation.

"Nothing, really. Doing a bit of photographer, doing a bit of fashion designing... this." She held her left hand out and revealed a ring with a  _huge_ diamond on the top of it.

We all gasped at it in complete shock; it had to be in the thousands range.

"You're still with that same girl?" I had to ask first.

"Yeah, turns out, when your friends really hate your girlfriend, it only made us stronger. So, all of my friends can go suck it."

"Aw, congratulations!" Kate clapped her hands, a smile so big, it was contagious. We agreed with her, saying our own congratulations and how happy we were for her. I had to stop her for a picture. She was annoyed, but she posed anyway, holding her hand up and pointing at her ring with a smile.

"Then," Rachel lifted her glass of red wine in her hand, "cheers for your engagement!"

We clinked our glasses together, cheering as we took sips after.

Victoria chuckled, her glass already halfway. "It was so unexpected. She took us to a skate park again, which I always hate but still go anyway, but it was empty as shit. She made me watch her do her tricks but fell at the end. She was at my feet, laughing her ass off at first. "hey, this works too." She took this ring out of her pocket. Obviously, you know my answer."

"She was trying to do like a 360 or something?"

"I think so, but she nearly broke her arm for this proposal."

I laughed along with them at the thought. I couldn't think of any type of proposal for Kate.  _I couldn't function making the one for Rachel! It makes me nervous just thinking about it! It would be a ten-part plan, a hundred percent._

"What about you two?" Victoria nodded her head at us. "What crazy shit have you been doing? If you have any at all."

"Nothing, really." Kate answered for us. "Not crazy, anyway. I'm just working all the time and she's working all the time. Nothing crazy for us."

They stared. I was sitting uncomfortably again, but this time, it was from their judging eyes.

"I see you two only seemed to become gayer... Which I didn’t think was possible." She sipped her glass.

"What makes you think that?"

She turned to the other two, who were minding their own business on the side. "You guys can feel a weird vibe too, right?"

"You could say that." Chloe replied, glaring at me.

"Oh! Look at the time, we should get going to see Dana."

"We just got here—"

"You two stay and Kate and I will go out to the place, sound good?" I tugged on Kate's jacket.

"No," Rachel stood up, "we're going with you. All of us."

"No—"

"We're going together."

"We're going together."

* * *

I think I was the only one who wasn't focused. It was a short ride and I could hear their voices, but I couldn't remember what they were saying. I couldn't remember the whole ride! One second we got into the limo, next we were already in front of HUE sf. It was still the same: the long lines, the large bodyguards, the bright blue lights showing through the windows and door. We had the advantage again, our eardrums dying from Rachel's fans in the lines. She couldn't stop this time, not like before, there were too many people she could pay attention to. She said before she hated how she couldn't talk to them anymore, but she hoped she didn't look like a bitch.

We were allowed in automatically. We squeezed through the dancing crowd, trying to get to the white-lit bar, where Dana's silhouette was evident to us. We went straight to her, calling out to her as she was serving a drink to someone.

When we got close enough, we saw her gasp and start running off the bar, jumping into everyone's arms. I had to pull back for another photo, one with all of them in their hug.

"Come on, Max! You have to be in it too!" Dana yelled, waving her hand in. I declined at first until Chloe grabbed my arm and pulled me in, snatching my camera so she could hold it up. Because she was way taller than the rest of us, we all fit into the frame. I didn't have time to leave to look at it in the light. Instead, I was pulled onto the dance floor by Rachel and Chloe. It was a familiar scenario: I was sandwiched in between them, trying to get me to loosen up. I was laughing and enjoying it, but Kate was left behind with Dana, sitting at the bar while she was making drinks again.

The sandwich was worse, with Victoria against Rachel, making it nearly impossible to leave it. I had no choice but to go along with them, matching their movements.

"Go Max!" Chloe cheered me on as she continued to dance in front of me. I couldn't lie—I was having a lot more fun than I thought. I was actually excited to be dancing and being so close to them, I was grinding on them. I could see Kate looking at me, but I couldn't tell what her face looked like. It made me scared, almost. I felt like I was being judged by her.  _Okay, I had to get out._ When I saw an opening, I got out of their little trap and left to the restroom to see the picture in the light. I took it out of my bag and observed all the pictures I had so far: the picture of Kate (the best one out of the million I've taken of her), with Warren and Nathan (Warren was smiling with all of his teeth and Nathan was barely smirking), Victoria with her ring (it was shining bright in this photo), and the group photo (all of us mid-laugh and holding onto each other to fit in the picture). The day felt so... surreal. We met up with so many people and it was fun the whole way.

"Were you having fun?" Kate's voice startled me for the second time today.

I turned around to her, rubbing the back of my neck. "Would you be mad if I was?"

"No. Why would I be?" The tone of her voice and her smile seemed calm, but there was  _something_ about it that felt passive-aggressive.

"I won't dance for the rest of the night. I'll sit with you."

Kate shrugged her shoulders and replied, "okay."  _Did I do something wrong? I was just dancing with them. Oh dog, I'm feeling anxious. Okay, calm down. You'll be fine._

She pulled me by my hand and took me to the bar table, where someone else was tending it and Dana was sitting with a shot glass in her hand. "Hey you two! I was wondering where you went."

"I was with Max looking at the pictures." Kate answered, sitting down next to her.

"I bet they're great! I know we talk once in a while, but now I can ask in person: how have you guys been?" She pushed her glass aside.

"We're great! Just living together, being with each other, and enjoying ourselves. We have our dogs and just living as us, is what I'm saying." Kate ended it with a giggle. She had a tight grip around my hand.  _We should go home... She's acting angry... but, not directly._

"That's good! That's good." Dana nodded. "My boyfriend and I are... I don't want to kill the mood with my drama."

"No, Dana, if you have something to talk about, you can."

"My boyfriend and I are kinda fighting right now? I don't know, we had this disagreement and we haven't spoken a lot... I never told anyone this, but he did catch me and Juliet kissing. It was a drunk kiss; I barely remember it! Juliet and I are okay, but he hasn't been the same. I wish I could fix it, but..."

"Things like this take time. I don't want you to be hopeful it'll work in the end but, if you at the very least attempt to fix it, then that's enough."

"You're right and I really am trying! I don't know why I always ruin my relationships."

"You're not ruining relationships, you just haven't found the right person. Plus, Juliet should help as well. If the big part of the problem involves her."

"... I guess you're right." Dana chuckled and released a heavy sigh. "I need another drink for tonight."

* * *

For the rest of the night, Dana and Victoria somehow found each other and were talking about things like theater and drama (like the genre, not her life). Kate still held onto me with a death grip on my hand.

"Kate?"

"Yes?" She turned her head to me; her eyes were burning holes into me.

"Are you... mad at me?"

"No. Why would I be mad at you? You were just dancing with your friends." She turned away towards the crowd, watching everyone enjoying their time.

"I just thought you were mad is all."  _I'm worried about her._   _What's on her mind? She won't tell me now, even if she was usually honest._ "We should get out of here."

"Agreed." She answered right away.

"Okay... let's sneak out and get an Uber or something? Maybe catch a late bus."

Our exit wasn't subtle, she was still tugging me around and left without saying goodbye to everyone else. Luckily, the bus was still running, so we got and headed back to our place. The ride was quiet and she was staring out the window, either looking at her own reflection or watching me with it. I could see my uneasiness in it, too. I wanted to ask more questions and try to make her feel better, but she wasn't making it easy to help. I left her alone, acknowledging the other people in the bus: a nurse, a disheveled man, and the driver herself.  _I wish I could call out to them for help, but what would I say? "My girlfriend's mad and I wanna give her emotional support. Help me?" No one's gonna listen to me._

Even the walk into the house was silent. Minus the dogs wagging their tails and wanting our attention, we didn't make a single noise. We took our jackets off and hung it on the hooks next to the door, walking upstairs to our bedroom. The moment I closed the door, Kate approached me, pushing me against the door.

"Kate, whatever I did, I'm so sorry." I wasn't sure what I was sorry for, but it had to be because of how I was dancing at the nightclub. She kept her serious face on for a long time, sending fear into my entire being, wondering what she was gonna do next.

It finally changed into a smile. "I'm not mad at you, Max."

"What? Then—wha—I—"

"I felt like scaring you a little today. I wanted to do it again since Rachel and Chloe showed up! I should be sorry I scared you into taking me home again."

I sighed, placing a hand over my heart. "Oh dog, thank you. I thought I did something messed up just now."

"You didn't mess up a single time today." She kissed my forehead. "I may have ordered something, another reason I wanted to be back. I got it for memories and old times sake."

"What is it?"

The doorbell rang and she chuckled. "You're about to find out."

She left downstairs, leaving me to sit on the bed and wait patiently.  _I wonder what it could be. I didn't know things could be delivered so late._ I let out a yawn, letting the day sink in and drain my energy. Kate came back with a white box in her hand.

"You didn't." I smiled, amused at her. I knew what it was as soon as I saw it.

"I did." She sat next to me on the bed and opened the box, revealing the chocolate and pirate-themed cake pops inside. "It felt right to get them. You always brought them when I was in a bad mood or when you simply wanted to see me. I never thought cake pops would be so significant to me, but every time I see them, I think of you."

"Me too... To be honest," I grabbed a pirate one, feeling bad I had to eat it, "I didn't like them at first. I always thought it was too sweet. But, being with you, I think I like them."

"That's okay. I could tell with your face before. You cringe a lot with them."

"But, I like them now! I could eat a hundred of these, easy."

"I don't want you to rot your teeth." She took a chocolate one and popped it into her mouth, chewing it down.

"You get what I mean."

She nodded, swallowing her food down. "That's not the only thing I wanted to do."

"Another surprise?"

"I thought of it in HUE. I wanted to dance with you, but not like that. Therefore, I found some songs and I want to dance with you. Slow dance, with you."

"Kate, you know I don't dance good."

"I know, but this isn't about being good." She held her hand out. "It's something I want to do to finish this busy day."

I sighed and smiled, grabbing her hand and letting her lead me again. Her music started, slow piano and violin playing together in perfect harmony as we held each other. Her hands were on my neck and mine were on her hips, our foreheads pressed together. The only light we had was one bedside lamp, only enough to light a quarter of the room. Whenever the light hit her face, she opened her eyes, revealing her hazel eyes highlighted golden in a stunning ring. I felt myself melt again. It happened every time I was reminded of her loving gaze.

"I love you, Max. I hope you'll never forget that."

"I love you too. And I won't. If you ever do, I'll remind you every single day."

"You're too sweet."

"Just like those cake pops, right?"

"Yes." She giggled and the light shining on her again. Her irises were golden, with her smile and lighting making her into a goddess. "But, I can't kiss cake pops."

"Yes you can. It'll look weird, but you can!"

"Then your name's cake pops now." We shared a giggle before we shared another kiss, tasting the chocolate on her.

My phone was vibrating and I knew it was everyone we left at the club, but I ignored it.

* * *

_April 1, 2020 10:42 PM_

_It has been a hectic day today. I'm exhausted. I'm using the last of my energy to write in this journal. I have one reason and one reason only: it's been five years exactly since we sat on the curb to talk to each other. I still remember how I just muttered "you're pretty" to her. It's still embarrassing to think about, but it was the best memory I could have of April Fools. Being with Kate for so long, and getting through this day, I just fall in love every single day. At the end of a long day, I get to be reminded of her and how I get to be with her. Dog, it's like I'm afraid to sleep sometimes: I never want to lose a minute with her. I get to see her smiling and I get to feel her soft skin. I couldn't believe someone like her is in love with me. Knowing I get to see her, make her breakfast, having our pets with our names as theirs, take care of her when she's sick, even just watching movies or staying in bed all day, I was happy to do everything for her._

_I'm rambling, but it was like a dream sometimes._

_If you asked me five years ago what I loved, I would've said taking pictures and coffee. Although I still loved those things, I have two things I loved that nothing else could compare: hazel eyes and cake pops._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, we finally reached the end of this story. This is the first time I've ever finished one of this length and depth, so I hope it's good to all of you guys. Thank you so much for living through two edits, three chapter length changes (started with 20, then 40, then 60), and over 100k+ words. Will this have a sequel? Will I write more Marshfield? I don't know at the moment. I took a year long break from school and I'm back in college again, so I'll have less time. But, if I'm inspired enough, I'll make another one!  
> But, thank you to everyone who was reading this from the start and followed me on this journey! The whole, general moral of the story is: as unpredictable life could be, someone's there for you. But, also gay, obviously.  
> The End!

**Author's Note:**

> Review and shit! I will reply!


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